Patterns-of-Tonalities Series 3: Freedom & Presence vs. having the “inside voice” 

How do I teach my child to NOT follow other people's tonalities? 

This is a controversial subject. It is up to parents to decide if their kids are ready for this exercise.

In Freedom & Presence, you'll challenge the belief that you should always speak from the inside out and adjust to others. 

"Master the techniques, master the skills, then let go and play from intuition." 

If you want to have the deep, demanding voice that leaders have, then you need to practice being present and free more than anything technical. Talking louder is a good practice. When we push our boundaries. A speaker needs a default setting that will allow them to speak louder in order to develop a powerful voice. With confidence, say good dog, good, I love you, and see how talking louder makes you feel.

Why do most people hold back their voices? People want to be normal and don't want to stand out or get attention. They want to fit in. You know there is a line and you need to stay within a certain range. People won't look funny. You won't get the looks. Be aware of the social cues to "keep it down," so you can choose whether you want to follow them consciously or not. Keep it down or not.

When we teach our kids to have ONLY have an "inside voice," we are taking away something powerful and right from them. My personal belief is that kids need to know the rules, like at a dining table, and once they do, they need to be able to adjust to the circumstances: You will likely behave differently at a five-star restaurant and at a takeaway. Knowing both allows them to choose and adapt. The same is true for your voice: Speakers are aware that every time they speak, they are training their voice to be more captivating, persuasive, impactful, and interesting. There is inner freedom in them to speak confidently louder than normal and still be okay with it. Additionally, it is equally important for the development of their self-confidence and presence as a speaker, to be able to speak freely, loudly, and clearly. Leaders choose whether to adjust themselves to others or not. It is important that we allow our kids to experiment with both.

Read a passage compassionately loud. Or when your doorbell rings. As you walk to the door, don't just walk through the door quietly, or in the car, be super loud and just say things. Open up. Talk to the dog: "I love you. Just the way you are." 

Another place could be before you go on camera.  Make some louder than normal noises before you go on camera. That way your normal noise will be louder.

Many speakers use this method to change their emotional state. If you bark and become intense, you will instantly feel different. If you add movement to it, you will experience different emotions. Introduce yourself loudly, or all of a sudden say "Hey... I love you."

Although you don't have to, you could and wouldn't mind. This will strengthen your voice and mind. 

So rather than just teaching our children the indoor voice, let´s teach them to be able to choose and choose wisely depending on context. Read out passages 20% louder, in between with a powerful strong voice call around your apartment loudly (Hey,.... (normal tone) I love you."

To finish today, a study at Kent State concluded, “People unconsciously adapt to each other’s voice tones, a phenomenon called communication accommodation theory.” What that means is when two or more people meet and have a conversation, they unconsciously adapt each other’s voice tones. You want to practice with your child, to be able to be unaffected and maintain the vocal tonality you want. That’s what charismatic people do.

Being able to choose and adapt. And being ok with it.

And don´t forget, if you want to practice these tonalities, you can join the Communications Games, every Wednesday for free. Chek us out on www.thestory-weavers.com