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Welcome to Raising Healthy Humans , a

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podcast created for busy moms

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, where you can easily find info

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on health and wellness for your family . Join

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Courtney , a health coach , movement

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and posture specialist and founder

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of FormFit , an active and supportive

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community where she helps busy moms

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move more . Here on Raising Healthy

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Humans podcast , she shares personal

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life experiences , training , knowledge

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and conversations with other health

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and wellness experts so you can raise

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healthy humans .

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Today I wanted to bring to

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you a topic that I had

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discussed in my community

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over on Facebook in regards

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to mom guilt . We

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all deal with it and

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, unfortunately , i think it is truly

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doing us a disservice , because

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we aren't designed to

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do everything . We should not do

1:01

everything , we shouldn't feel

1:03

like we need to do everything And

1:06

, my goodness gracious , we definitely

1:08

do not need to feel like we need to do

1:10

everything perfectly . So

1:13

today I'd like you to listen into

1:15

the conversation I had and make sure

1:17

to also join us over in the moms

1:19

raising healthy community over

1:21

on Facebook , where you can join these

1:24

lives , ask questions and

1:26

create a little bit more conversation I

1:28

hope you enjoy . So

1:34

mom guilt I want to

1:36

talk to you today about

1:38

mom guilt because

1:40

we all have it And there

1:43

is so much you can do

1:46

, and hopefully some of the tips

1:48

and information I provide you today will help

1:50

you to care

1:53

for yourself a little bit during

1:55

this time And will

2:00

help also to take some of

2:02

that guilt away . And

2:04

definitely feel free to leave questions

2:06

or comments . I've got my

2:08

information down here

2:11

as well , so hopefully I'll be able to see

2:13

any comments that come through . I apologize

2:15

if I don't , but I will go back

2:18

and read the comments and be

2:20

able to respond

2:22

to you When

2:25

you think

2:27

about mom guilt . I think we all

2:29

deal with mom guilt , but

2:31

if we look at our

2:34

guilt , i want you to

2:36

think first . If

2:38

you think about your mom

2:41

or your family , do you think

2:43

that they were thinking

2:45

about this mom guilt ? Were they

2:47

feeling like , oh , i'm not

2:49

doing my child , you

2:52

know , doing this for my child ? Don't

2:54

think that . That was

2:56

even something . I don't

2:58

know if it's our generation

3:00

, this newer generation

3:03

, you know , with

3:05

social media and all of that , if that's

3:07

where this mom guilt has come from , because

3:10

I'm not sure that our parents

3:12

were thinking these types of things . So

3:14

, first , there's that information

3:17

, but that does not make it any less

3:19

for us , and a

3:21

lot of the guilt that we deal

3:23

with is basically

3:25

from our internal dialogue . It

3:27

is what we are thinking Most

3:30

of . It is not anything

3:32

anybody else is saying

3:34

about us . It's how we

3:36

internalize it and how

3:38

we feel , based

3:41

on who we thought we'd be , where

3:44

we thought we'd be , how

3:47

we thought we would parent , you

3:50

know , and I always think about , like the Pinterest

3:53

mom , you know , like

3:55

how , these expectations

3:58

that we have of ourselves

4:00

and how we are not living

4:02

up to it . So this is all an

4:04

internal dialogue with yourself . Guilt

4:09

is basically

4:11

what research says is . Guilt

4:14

is a core emotion governing

4:16

social behavior by

4:18

promoting compliance with social

4:21

norms or self-imposed

4:23

standards , and

4:27

we tend to be more impacted

4:30

by the guilt

4:33

affecting others

4:35

than affecting ourselves . So

4:38

that is why it is so hard

4:40

for us , when it comes to mom guilt , to

4:43

feel like we have to continue

4:46

to do for others and

4:48

we push ourselves aside . We're

4:51

not doing anything for ourselves . We

4:54

have put , you know , like I've

4:56

got to get all these things done . I have to

4:58

be the perfect mom , the perfect wife , the

5:00

perfect friend , the

5:02

perfect daughter , but I

5:04

can't be perfect

5:08

for me right And

5:10

perfect in quotations

5:12

, but I can't be for me . So

5:15

we need to start

5:17

thinking about that a

5:20

little bit differently . If

5:22

we are struggling with mom

5:25

guilt just so you know , like on not

5:27

only an emotional level , but this creates

5:29

a physical response within our body . So

5:32

if you are dealing with mom

5:34

guilt , you are creating a stress to

5:36

your body and your body

5:39

is going into a fight or flight

5:41

mode . Whether

5:43

you like it or not , it is , it's creating

5:46

a fight or flight response in our

5:48

, in our body which requires

5:50

self care . And you're

5:53

going to see this cycle . What

5:55

happens is we've

5:57

gone into fight or flight . Our cortisol levels

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are up . How do we get our cortisol levels

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up back down ? We've got to

6:03

practice self care . We've got to eat

6:05

right . We've got to exercise

6:08

, we've got to meditate

6:10

or do things that we enjoy . We've got

6:12

to bring those stress levels down . Yet

6:15

when we do that , we're caring

6:17

for ourselves and therefore

6:19

we're not doing for everyone else . So

6:22

here comes the mom guilt again . So

6:24

we've got to go back out . We got to do , do

6:26

, do for everyone else , and then

6:29

we deal

6:31

with parasympathetic response , all

6:34

of that again . So it's this vicious

6:36

cycle that we've gotten ourselves into . So

6:39

I've been trying to think like , what

6:42

can we do to

6:44

help get out of this cycle ? And

6:47

this is this is kind

6:49

of what I've come up with . So

6:52

there are a ton

6:54

of things that we're doing in life today . We

6:56

are constantly trying

6:59

to be

7:01

great parents , be great mothers

7:04

. Many of us

7:06

are working as well

7:08

, which is not something generations

7:10

prior to us . Now , if I

7:12

look at my family , my

7:14

family was

7:16

, you know , both of my parents were

7:18

working , but my mom

7:20

worked part time . But many of

7:23

us work full

7:25

time And we're

7:27

taking care of our children

7:29

, and for some of us we might be

7:31

homeschooling our children . So we're

7:33

doing that on top of you

7:36

know , everything else . And then we're also

7:38

being the

7:41

person that cleans the house , the maid , so to

7:43

speak And we're doing everything

7:45

. And on top of that , we're

7:47

also keeping our children

7:49

very active . Because , here again

7:51

, this mom guilt feeling like our kids have

7:53

to participate in all of these

7:55

different experiences And

7:58

then we are just

8:01

compounding everything on ourselves

8:03

. So

8:06

you get to the point to

8:08

where you have to make

8:10

a decision . You can't

8:12

do it all . You're not going to be

8:15

able to do it all . What

8:17

I want you to start to do is

8:19

find a couple of things that

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you can be amazing at and

8:24

do those . So

8:27

, if we think of self

8:31

expectations I

8:33

want you to think about because I mentioned

8:36

earlier , there's two types

8:38

of mom guilt

8:40

you might be dealing with . So it's either

8:43

self expectations the way

8:45

you feel you're handling

8:47

things or the way others

8:49

feel you're handling things . And even though others

8:52

, the way others feel you're handling things

8:54

are usually how you

8:56

feel they think rather

8:59

than actually how they

9:01

think . But I wanted to still

9:03

separate it into these two , because

9:06

I think this is where most of the mom guilt occurs

9:08

. So for us , if

9:11

we are thinking about ourselves

9:14

and our self expectations

9:16

, we can't do everything . So stop

9:19

, just stop thinking that you

9:21

can do everything . What I want you to

9:23

do is I want you to think about

9:25

what

9:28

is something I enjoy doing

9:30

, because here is where self

9:32

care is going to kind of work

9:35

with the self

9:38

expectation . And for

9:40

me , i'll give you what I enjoy

9:42

I enjoy reading , i

9:45

enjoy cooking and I enjoy baking

9:47

. So self

9:49

care for myself is reading

9:51

. I enjoy taking time to

9:53

read , i enjoy cooking

9:56

. I love to . I don't enjoy

9:58

Well , i did not

10:00

enjoy cooking when my kids were little and , hanging

10:02

off of me , i will say that . So

10:05

if you have little ones , you know

10:07

, look at what you enjoy right now

10:09

. But for me now , at

10:11

this point , i do enjoy cooking , i

10:14

do enjoy baking . So what I'm going

10:16

to do these , this is a self care

10:18

for myself . These are things that I

10:21

enjoy . They bring me

10:23

joy . How can I relate

10:25

that to my family ? And

10:27

for me , because

10:30

I enjoy reading , i

10:32

can spend , and

10:34

this is something that I did . My kids are older

10:36

now , so it makes it a little bit harder to do

10:38

this , but what I did for them

10:40

when they were younger is , every

10:42

night we sat down and I read to them And

10:45

we'd spend 30 minutes every

10:47

single night . From the , you know , since they

10:49

were babies , i would read every

10:52

single night that I could . You know

10:54

that activities weren't going on . I

10:56

would read every single night to them And

10:58

then , once they got a little bit older , we

11:02

got to the point where we

11:04

didn't all . I didn't read

11:06

to them any longer , but we sat in the same

11:08

room and we would read together

11:10

. So each person would be reading their own

11:13

book And that

11:15

was self-care for me . So I got

11:17

to read something and

11:20

then giving them

11:22

something that

11:24

they could enjoy . Same thing with

11:27

cooking . If you're looking

11:29

, you know I enjoy cooking . So if I'm

11:31

self-care for myself

11:33

, i'm going to ensure that I'm making

11:35

nutritious finding

11:38

. I love to look at cookbooks . So

11:40

taking time to look

11:42

through cookbooks , find delicious

11:44

recipes , delicious , healthy recipes

11:46

that I can then , in turn , make

11:48

for them . And these

11:51

are speaking my love language . So if

11:53

you know about the , i think it's four love

11:55

languages . This works

11:58

with that . So find what your love

12:00

language is or what brings you joy

12:02

. Usually what brings you joy is

12:04

kind of in line with

12:06

your love language and do

12:08

that And then share it

12:10

with your child so that

12:12

you're getting that reward

12:14

from it , you're getting that self-care

12:17

, and then you're giving to them

12:19

in some way . And I can tell

12:21

you , based on my

12:23

family , if you think about

12:25

your childhood or how

12:27

you were raised , you

12:30

think about , like , the good times

12:33

. We're not thinking of the 500

12:35

things our parents did for us . Most

12:37

of us have one or two things

12:40

that our parents did for us

12:42

and that's what we remember . So

12:44

for me , my

12:47

father read to me . It's

12:49

something that he would do And I

12:51

don't . It's not something he did every

12:53

single night for years on end

12:55

. I specifically reading

12:58

, remember him reading two books to me

13:00

, but those are

13:02

a very positive memory

13:04

that I have of time

13:07

with my father And it was him reading

13:09

these two books to me . I

13:11

don't remember everything that occurred

13:14

over the years , but that memory

13:16

is very special for me , just

13:18

like the memories of my

13:21

mother and I going shopping

13:23

. My mother's love

13:25

language is gifting , so

13:28

she was , in essence

13:30

, giving herself the self

13:32

care she needed by going

13:35

shopping with me . So she was getting

13:37

and then she was also gifting to me

13:39

through that as well . So

13:42

think about what it

13:44

is . What is one or

13:46

two things that you can do

13:48

that is going to bring you joy

13:51

, that you can do for your children

13:53

And also provide you self

13:55

care at the same time . Do

13:57

not do not

13:59

pick something that brings them joy that

14:02

doesn't also bring you joy , because

14:04

this is your first self expectation

14:07

. So you've got to make

14:09

sure that that one is specific

14:11

to what brings

14:13

you joy provide you

14:15

with self care at the same time

14:17

as helping them as well or

14:20

nurturing them in some way . And

14:22

then the second one is others

14:25

expectations , and

14:27

this one , again , this

14:30

is what you

14:32

feel that they are saying

14:35

. So the first thing I would say

14:37

is make sure that you communicate

14:40

with whoever you're feeling this guilt

14:42

with , to ensure that

14:44

you know you're not

14:46

misinterpreting what is being said

14:48

, because a lot of times we

14:50

misinterpret what

14:53

people are saying to us . So

14:55

make sure that you are

14:57

accurately hearing the information . And

15:00

usually what people ? again

15:03

, with their love language , usually

15:05

what people tend to notice things

15:08

that you may not be doing . They

15:10

are in line with their love

15:13

language . So it's really

15:15

important to understand

15:18

what it is . And

15:20

I've never done love languages , but I

15:22

know what they are . I haven't read the book , but

15:25

I do know what they are and I

15:27

know what my family members

15:29

are . So

15:31

look at what their love

15:33

language is and then try

15:35

to figure out what

15:38

can I do for them to

15:41

speak their love language

15:43

. And for some especially

15:45

, you know , depending on your family , you may

15:48

have a couple that is your

15:50

love language . So if , say

15:52

, bakings my daughter's love

15:54

language , it's not , but I'm just saying saying

15:57

giving to others through

15:59

what is that one ? That's

16:01

doing things for others

16:03

. That's the love language . So

16:05

doing things for others . So

16:08

maybe baking would be what

16:10

doing things for others would be

16:12

. So having her bake

16:14

with me would fill her

16:16

cup . It would nurture our

16:18

relationship at the same time as filling

16:21

my cup as well . And then my

16:23

husband . He is touch . So

16:26

looking at what can I

16:29

do for him , that

16:31

is touch . And these

16:33

are just little things that you can do . It

16:35

does not mean you have to spend hours

16:37

doing these things , but even

16:39

just making sure that you

16:42

you know , see

16:44

them , that you touch

16:46

them . Say , if it's a child , that you

16:48

sit down , look at them

16:50

, put your hand

16:53

on their knee while they talk and

16:55

show them that you see them and

16:57

you hear them . That's going to fill

16:59

their cup because that's

17:02

their love language And

17:04

that's going to make you feel less guilt because

17:07

you're going to see that connection , because

17:10

you're now speaking their love language . So

17:13

these are kind of what I would

17:15

say . If you

17:17

can work on your

17:20

guilt by practicing

17:22

this , it does not mean that you're

17:25

trying to get rid of the guilt . What you're

17:27

trying to do is work

17:29

on what can I do for

17:32

to fill my cup while

17:35

nurturing my children And then

17:37

how can I speak to them . That

17:39

I know will resonate with them through

17:41

their love language And that will

17:43

naturally allow you to feel less

17:46

guilt because you're going to

17:48

be providing yourself that self care that

17:50

we all need while

17:53

also nurturing them . Nurturing

17:55

them , creating a better

17:57

connection or a better bond with them

18:00

during that time , which will

18:02

help to ease that mom guilt . So

18:05

hopefully that helped

18:07

you , because

18:09

we can't do it all We

18:12

. There is so much

18:14

going on in our world

18:16

today . We can't be everything to

18:19

everyone . So

18:21

find those people that are most important

18:23

to you usually your family and

18:26

speak to them in

18:28

their love language , while providing yourself

18:30

that extra support

18:33

And

18:35

hopefully that will help you . For

18:37

those of you with older children

18:40

, my family and I we've gotten

18:42

into sweet tooth on Netflix

18:44

And it is

18:46

. It's apocalyptic , so it's a little bit older

18:48

, but that's something we enjoy And

18:50

there is something about us

18:52

all , especially as your kids get older

18:54

and everybody's off in their own rooms

18:57

. There is something about just coming

18:59

together and sitting and watching a TV

19:01

show together . That connects

19:03

you again . So even

19:05

something as simple as that can

19:07

provide what you need to

19:10

help feel less

19:12

guilty and feel

19:15

more connected . So I hope

19:17

that information helps you all . If

19:20

you have questions or anything , feel

19:22

free to let me know . So I hope you all

19:24

have a wonderful day and

19:27

no more mom guilt , okay ["MOM

19:30

.

19:30

GILT"]

19:33

. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to

19:35

listen to our podcast . We hope you found

19:37

this information valuable and can incorporate

19:40

it into your family's life . Make sure to check

19:42

out our show notes for all the important links available

19:44

. Come join us on Facebook at Mom's

19:46

Raising Healthy Humans Community page

19:49

. Also , please check out our wide range

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of memberships family , monthly focus

19:53

, ideas , challenges , live events

19:55

and on demand and live workouts , meal

19:58

plans and so much more . Head to

20:00

formfitonlinecom And

20:02

, as always , keep moving . ["mom

20:36

GILT"] . ["mom

21:03

GILT"] . ["mom

21:37

GILT"] .