0:01

Motherfucking

0:04

many years. So many

0:07

episode, motherfucking

0:09

many years. So yep,

0:14

yep, yep, there it is. There is.

0:16

Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal

0:19

mini episode of My Mama Told Me,

0:22

the podcast where we dive deep into

0:24

the backet, pocket hockey, pockets

0:27

of black conspiracy. I'm trying my it's

0:29

the motherfucking remix. I get nervous

0:31

when we started. No, it's okay,

0:33

and we finally worked to prove

0:36

the conspiracies that you the

0:38

listener have at home. This

0:40

is a very high pressure situation. This

0:43

is it's like when you come out of the out

0:45

of the fucking back in

0:47

your warmups, like you were screaming

0:49

and ship yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's it's like coming

0:52

out of the tunnel. Yeah, and you're

0:54

like, I think I know how to play basketball, but I

0:56

don't know if I know how to play it like this And you

0:58

see one person with a sign that says like langs

1:00

and sucks and you get in your head. Yeah, it's

1:02

like, oh, fuck you Lanks, and it's like whoa

1:05

specific can do that? Yeah,

1:08

I'm the I'm I'm the third point guard.

1:10

Yeah, why do you hate me? So?

1:14

Not the face of this team.

1:18

That's how it feels. We we we soldier

1:20

on. Yeah, and

1:22

and listen, we have to soldier on because

1:24

we were dealing with with the conspiracies

1:27

of our listeners and today

1:29

specifically, we got an email from a person

1:32

named Marcus

1:33

Wait before though, as

1:36

par Olivia, I just do say, I

1:39

was in the streets shout out to my friend

1:41

ray Sean. She's just black,

1:43

but she has biracial siblings

1:46

and her biracial siblings from her black

1:48

father, all with different white mothers.

1:51

I believe all that ass

1:53

damn she said, every one of them

1:55

that just got as damn so.

1:58

So the theory remains.

2:00

The theory remains that black fathers

2:03

give up that That's

2:06

not the best way to say it, black

2:12

fathers giving up that ass

2:15

call me now, I

2:18

don't know why that's a commercial. It was Cleo

2:21

Cleo's in it for some reason. She called

2:24

it out for your free my

2:27

father give it to you, give

2:30

you a big dunk dunk. I don't know.

2:33

She didn't either. She wasn't really Jamaican

2:35

and she was

2:38

from Baltimore. Yeah, that was just a

2:40

regular as black lady being real

2:42

offensive in a sweet spot

2:44

in the in the nineties where you didn't

2:46

have to worry about nothing. No, it was the

2:48

one nine hundred number. You didn't think they were really

2:51

that race. Now, yeah, you

2:53

knew exactly what Miss Cleo was and if

2:55

you pretend otherwise, you knew she was

2:57

not Jamakan. And you know they weren't hot and horny

3:00

girls.

3:03

Those were lonely single mothers

3:05

on the other side of that call, which

3:08

is which they could have advertised as such.

3:10

I just would have dialed in. There's a bunch of people

3:12

who would have still called. But

3:16

we can't. Okay, our our conspiracy

3:19

are rather our email comes from a person

3:21

named Marcus. Marcus sent us a very

3:24

aggressive email top to bottom,

3:26

I would say, very aggressive, and it's it's

3:28

the subject is Magic's Killer Johnson,

3:31

Magic Killer Johnson. He says, Hey,

3:34

Lenston and David, I know you

3:36

saw my previous emails. Nigga, don't

3:39

play with me, and

3:41

then he just goes into the next thing. He

3:43

doesn't like emails.

3:46

I don't know this nigga. Marcus apparently has been

3:49

trying to contact us endlessly and

3:51

uh and we just haven't paid him

3:53

any attention. But he says, so I watched

3:56

an HBO show from the A D from

3:58

the E D show Light Showtime Lakers,

4:00

And it reminded me about a conspiracy

4:03

theory I heard from my wild ass uncle.

4:06

My momma's told me. Magic Johnson

4:08

didn't retire because he contracted HIV.

4:11

The NBA forced him to retire

4:13

because his legendarily large Johnson

4:16

killed a few women and they got tired

4:18

of covering up the killings. Not

4:21

no, See,

4:25

that's why we didn't listen to your other email, Marcus.

4:29

That stupid ship to say, have

4:32

you been on the internet? If girls could

4:34

die from huge pipes, Giana

4:37

Michaels would have passed no to like, what

4:39

are you talking about Jana Fire?

4:41

Do you think she would still be alive? Magic

4:45

Johnson is splitting women in

4:47

half just up the middle

4:49

with his giant pinness, and

4:52

the NBA is so tired

4:54

of these dead women that they forced

4:56

him to retire from this sport.

4:59

We gotta cover up all these dead women.

5:01

Man, think you're killing us and you're killing

5:04

these bitches last time you went

5:06

to last time you played the Timberwolves, half

5:10

of Minnesota was dead dead

5:13

Magic. We're losing bus drivers,

5:15

pta presidents, cooks.

5:18

It's indiscriminate. No,

5:24

this is insane. No woman got dicked down

5:26

to death. I'm not gonna say no woman, obviously,

5:29

I think someone I was gonna say, I think there's

5:31

been a few women that got dicked down to death. Yeah,

5:33

but I don't think it's that. I don't think it's

5:35

common enough. He also played in a basketball

5:38

game that night. Yeah, I don't. I think

5:40

the issue is I don't think that it's in the

5:42

throes of passion that they're dick down

5:45

to death. I think it's a man committing

5:47

tremendous violence like

5:50

against them that they're dick down to death. I don't

5:52

think somebody's saying existing heart condition.

5:54

Yeah, I don't think. Yeah, right, it's not somebody.

5:56

But I'm saying it's not somebody just like having

5:59

a great time time and then suddenly they

6:01

just like die from giant

6:03

penis. I think it's no.

6:05

No, things are going awry from

6:07

the beginning. Yeah, if somebody died

6:09

with a dick and him, you gotta look at it's

6:12

like the first you gotta look at everything that happened

6:14

in the three hours proceeding, and

6:19

that's that they'll teach you that day one in Detective

6:21

school. Yeah, you gotta love that case in

6:23

forty eight hours, otherwise it gets hard. It's

6:27

like that dick that killed her. No,

6:29

man, Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Do

6:32

you think he killed so many? And

6:34

also the NBA could

6:36

not cover that if Magic Johnson killed

6:38

a woman with his penis, it would get

6:40

out, it would get

6:43

immediately. I think that

6:45

that if nothing else, all all

6:47

the homophobic men

6:49

who were so uh sort of thrown

6:51

off by Magic Johnson's HIV

6:54

diagnosis because they were calling it a gay

6:56

disease back blah blah blah blah blah,

6:59

this is more more than enough evidence

7:01

for them to bring it up, being like, this

7:03

is proof that that he doesn't even

7:06

have AIDS. That AIDS ain't the or

7:08

HIV. It isn't the thing that you're you're

7:10

suggesting this. He's not gay,

7:12

he's he just loves women more

7:14

than any of us. If, if anything, that rumor

7:17

is the one thing that could have got him back into the league

7:19

at that time, right that it's like, no, he

7:21

doesn't have HIV, he's he's just gotta

7:23

the biggest penis that ever was. Yeah,

7:26

he killed these twelve ladies after the Spurs

7:28

game and

7:31

he's sorry, saying Antonio, but isn't

7:34

you know, hopefully you'll find

7:36

a new comptroller. So this

7:40

goes on because I think I

7:43

love that. I will say that, I really

7:45

love that. The diversity of the people

7:48

that he's fucking in your imagination, Yeah,

7:50

yeah, no, anybody can get it, as far as

7:52

I thought. But it sounds like not

7:54

only anybody, but everybody. It sounds

7:56

like he really is trying to hit all of like the

8:00

scales of the market, you know what I mean when

8:02

after my own heart, Yeah, I respect

8:04

that. That's pretty cool. I think it's cooler than to fuck

8:06

a ton of weird people than like a little

8:08

a few hot people right the

8:11

like just to funk like three models

8:14

is fine, but to fuck like sixty

8:17

eight working class gals from all over

8:19

the market that's

8:21

each with different attributes and

8:23

stats. ROBERTA,

8:29

she wants your kids. Let's

8:33

just say she wanted to be all of garden

8:35

because of the unlimited bread sticks and

8:40

stuff like that. That's what I'm into. The

8:52

additional part that he says, Marcus

8:54

goes on to say that we

8:56

should be together too. Let's

9:00

say that. No, he does say, ps, And

9:02

then I got nervous that you actually did know

9:04

what he says. But yes, but

9:06

you may ask didn't he come back and play

9:09

again? Yes, I would ask that, and he Marcus

9:11

says, yes he did. But that's because

9:13

NBA writings were dipping from MJ's

9:16

retirement. Insert funk

9:18

flex bombs. No,

9:20

I'm not doing that. You're

9:25

not gonna give Marcus the funk flex drop that

9:27

he's so desperately desires.

9:29

Michael Jordan was gone for one season. What are you talking

9:32

about, Well, Michael Jordan's I will say

9:34

that the NBA had to I would assume

9:36

had to have suffered pretty

9:38

dramatic viewership loss at

9:40

the hands of Michael Jordan's leaving. I don't think

9:43

that part field. Do you think Magic Johnson

9:46

is the one who would have revived that? Do you think I would

9:48

have been like Michael Jordan's gone. Oh

9:51

but thank god Magic. No offense to Magic.

9:53

He was like fifty. He wasn't fifty, but he

9:55

was old as that. But he wasn't

9:57

he was. He was definitely older.

9:59

I will say that Magic left a

10:02

face of the NBA, and so

10:04

in that way, if I'm a desperate marketing

10:06

man, I may not have made the right choice.

10:09

But I may think if we can't

10:11

have Michael Magic is the next best

10:13

in line, you can't put Isaiah

10:15

Thomas's grumpy ass as the fair

10:18

you know what I mean? Like, who else is the

10:20

guy? Scottie Pippen,

10:23

Jesus Christ. Look at him. He ain't

10:25

he ain't doing well and he's he's

10:28

he's long past his career. I don't know, he's

10:30

never been doing that well. Scotty

10:33

was struggling from top to bottom. Charles

10:36

is a sad man from Arkansas. Charles

10:39

Barkley is gonna cuss and and gamble

10:42

on TV. He wasn't, Yeah,

10:47

none of the others weren't. But he's like more brazen

10:49

about it. Yeah, he's he's unreasonable

10:51

about it. I always like Charles Barkley

10:53

because he looked like a basketball. It's

11:02

like when you see a pigeon eating chicken and you're

11:04

like,

11:12

it looks like a basketball. Good talk,

11:17

this is your kid. Yeah.

11:20

I just don't know that the league was necessarily

11:23

flushed with a lot of other opportunities

11:26

at the time for faces.

11:29

No, I don't. I don't, And

11:31

I'm sorry, Marcus, I'm sorry that we

11:33

haven't reached out, you know, And

11:37

what's this about you said you like tor slitch your

11:39

wrist too, that she's clowning

11:41

John. Come on, how fund up is you? Eminem

11:48

used suspit. Man. I know, I know we're

11:50

in an era. I

11:52

know we're in an arrow where everybody is he

11:57

wraps, he wraps bad whatever. Now,

12:00

But even then, he used to have it. Baby,

12:02

come on, I did that

12:04

white gang his flowers. I did think

12:06

that something was deep when I was in the seventh grade,

12:09

dog, I used to think Stan was like,

12:12

man, he really did it. He

12:15

really did bro, he really he

12:17

cracked the code. Also, I

12:19

am whatever you sure, which

12:23

is no, you need a better sense of self, my

12:25

friend. Yeah, And I'll remember

12:27

the video was him committing suicide.

12:29

It was him jumping off of a building and

12:32

then slamming into the ground and then getting

12:34

up. I think like he couldn't die from his

12:36

own suicide attempt in the video.

12:39

That white guy had a lot of feelings, man,

12:42

he was. He was feeling a lot of stuff back

12:44

and a lot of feelings back there. And

12:46

now he's pretty numb. And I think that

12:48

we can tell the difference. Yeah,

12:51

it's it's I haven't

12:53

I haven't gone back to the well. No,

12:56

I can't go back, but but man did.

12:58

I used to sit in the back of my dad's are

13:00

and listened to him be mean to

13:02

his ex wife for hours at

13:04

a time, just

13:10

a man threatening to abuse his family

13:12

for for legit hours.

13:15

Oh yeah.

13:17

He was very complicated

13:19

relationships with the women, really more

13:21

so than I would say other rappers.

13:24

Yeah, that's true, and they don't

13:26

often. Although he took his fair

13:28

share of flat slat

13:31

what is flat he took? Yeah,

13:33

he took his ship. But I think it was more rooted

13:35

in his homophobia than it ever

13:37

was about like just deeply

13:40

hating his women in general,

13:42

but the women in his life specifically the women.

13:46

Yeah, damn well,

13:48

Marcus, this this jumped off the rails

13:51

almost immediately. I I

13:53

will say, unlike Borri, I

13:55

won't. I'm not bought

13:58

into the conspiracy the

14:00

whole. But I will say that the

14:02

part about bringing magic back

14:05

during the the dip of

14:07

the NBA makes much more sense

14:09

to me. That like that seems legitimate

14:12

now, whether or not it's because he's split women

14:14

in half is the part where I

14:16

I start to question it a

14:18

little bit, and it sounds like your uncle is

14:21

a man who has a bunch of other theories

14:23

that that may be. I bet, I bet

14:25

we sent him down. He's got this isn't even

14:27

the iceberg. Yeah, I don't think

14:29

this is the one your uncle but even believes in the most.

14:31

I think he's got some other ones that he's

14:34

much more adamant about. I

14:38

think so. But I hope this answers

14:41

your question. I think Magic Johnson probably

14:43

was a a very valuable face

14:45

for the NBA and worth bringing back funk

14:47

Flex half of funk Flex. Drop

14:50

on that, and that's called motherfucking.

14:52

That's called motherfuck. That's what you get.

14:55

And I think Magic Johnson had a perfectly

14:58

healthy paint is at.

15:00

I think he sucked a lot. I do think you sucked a lot.

15:03

I think he sucked a lot. I

15:05

think I think he earned whatever

15:08

whatever he ultimately got

15:10

in his life. Well, I don't think that's the way to look

15:13

at sexually. I

15:20

think he get he got the trophy, you

15:22

know, and I think he worked hard for it.

15:25

All right, Well, this

15:28

has been another mini episode of my Mama

15:30

told me, boy,

15:32

could you tell the people where they can find you what cool

15:35

ship you have? Cool guy jokes seven

15:37

on Instagraham come out

15:40

and see me December thro at

15:43

the Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club in

15:46

Las Vegas. Thank you guys for coming

15:48

out to shows too recently. It's been nice. I

15:50

appreciate it when you come up and say hi, Hell

15:53

yeah, And as always, you can follow me at Lanks

15:55

and Kerman. I love for you to say hi digitally

15:58

or catch me on the street. I'd be at

16:00

rolphed sometimes. If you catch I'll

16:02

say what's up? And uh. As always, if you

16:04

want to send us your own conspiracy theories,

16:07

your own drops. If you want to tell us who you

16:09

think Magic Johnson fucked to death, please

16:11

send their names to my Mama pod at

16:14

gmail dot com. We would love to hear from

16:16

you. And that's about it. Bye,

16:18

bitch. Motherfucking

16:23

many years, so many

16:26

episode, motherfucking

16:28

mini years, so, motherfucking

16:33

mini year, so many

16:36

years, motherfucking

16:39

miniyears, so