0:02

David's not going, my dearest Caroline.

0:05

You ain't even know what I'm writing, you

0:07

know what you Honestly I could see David

0:09

going, My dearest CAROLINEA has been many moves.

0:12

Come on that last scene you, I can see that

0:14

for you. Pet with

0:16

your notebook. Come on, letting

0:18

your thoughts and feelings get out.

0:21

I'm not letting define Mee's

0:24

is gonna come back fucked up as well.

0:25

I'm all right, yeah, coming back bitch

0:29

that you got on?

0:32

Rub your.

0:34

Bitch as

0:38

hell.

0:38

Girl, Damn,

0:40

I need some in this.

0:43

You know what make these bomb sounds go away?

0:47

Pussy?

0:48

You ain't never nobody like that.

0:52

No, no, but some day.

0:58

Ships

1:05

in your.

1:08

Qualitys are racist.

1:12

The money.

1:17

Turkey stuff I can't

1:19

tell me.

1:23

So we did a little deed deedy

1:26

girl.

1:28

There it is.

1:29

There it is Ladies and gentlemen, welcome

1:32

gentiles and little Mama's a light to

1:34

another phenomenal episode of My

1:36

Mama Told.

1:37

Me, the podcast where we dive

1:39

deep into the pockets of black conspiracy.

1:42

Theory and we finally worked

1:44

to prove that Master p has

1:47

introduced some of the longest and

1:49

most successful untalented

1:53

niggas in the history of

1:55

hip hop truly. Just his

1:57

family alone is maybe like

1:59

the the most sustaining

2:02

group of just a talentless

2:04

individuals.

2:05

And we cherish him.

2:06

We we we value each and every untalented

2:09

person he's brought into our life.

2:12

I'm like Stin Gernman and I'm dreaming Bory

2:14

and I love Silk the Chaka. You love

2:17

silt the Shaka.

2:17

You said, as

2:21

much as you can, as

2:23

much as you can.

2:25

Listen, you can't love the Silta Shaker until

2:27

the Silta Shaka learns to love himself.

2:29

I think he does.

2:31

I think I think of any of that

2:33

group, Silk the Shaker is aware of

2:35

what happened there. You

2:37

think he knew he was offbeat the whole time. I

2:40

think I think

2:42

that he said, this is what I can bring

2:44

to it.

2:45

I have a beanie and a dream.

2:47

Okay, sure, you know.

2:49

I will say he did seem like

2:51

the most positive member of the

2:53

Miller family.

2:55

Yes, I mean Murder.

2:56

We all know Murder not

2:59

necessarily a good guy. He's sort of in

3:01

the title.

3:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

3:05

I was a fiend guy. If that's

3:07

a surprise to anyone who you

3:10

don't remember fiend.

3:11

I don't remember I'll be honest.

3:15

Yeah I never Yeah,

3:17

yeah he didn't.

3:18

He didn't do a lot of name worthy stuff.

3:20

He was.

3:22

He was good.

3:26

Yeah, I think I think, frankly the most

3:28

talented person they came out of the No Limit

3:30

camp.

3:30

That was birth out of the No Limit camp.

3:33

Was was mystical and touring

3:36

history.

3:36

I was about to say, boy, oh boy, is that not

3:38

a guy you want to dig too deep into

3:41

on the internet.

3:43

But weren't we all loaned

3:46

No Limit soldiers? Weren't we all?

3:47

We were all No Limited soldiers?

3:49

Of course I told you,

3:52

yeah, so much arm.

3:54

Come on, you know what My favorite

3:56

No Limit song was the Montel

3:59

Jordan Let's Ride remix with

4:01

Master P. You don't remember that, No,

4:04

you don't remember Let's Ride. I think Let's

4:08

Ride to Night.

4:11

Can't do it without it? You love

4:13

this about it, but you don't remember that song.

4:15

I remember about it, about it? I

4:18

remember ice cream Man was my favorite. Have you ever

4:20

heard have you heard? The song that ice creamn

4:22

is sample song.

4:24

The ice Cream Truck song.

4:26

No No Negro. The song

4:28

ice cream Man is sampled from

4:30

a song called turn Out the Lights.

4:33

The Teddy Pendagrash song No.

4:35

It's a song. I think it's called Record Crew.

4:37

Is the name of the people who do the original song, the

4:39

world Record Crew? Yeah, I think

4:41

so. With Doctor Dre No

4:44

no no, no, no no. The Callum is a different record

4:46

crew, which is there were two Doctor Dres.

4:49

But the chorus of the song is this lady

4:51

going before you turn out the lights,

4:54

Let's get one thing understood.

4:59

Yeah, yeah, I love that song.

5:03

I haven't heard this song crazy.

5:06

The dude Romeo that comes on at the end, he's

5:08

not rapping or singing.

5:10

I like that.

5:11

And this isn't This isn't iMX

5:13

Romeo.

5:14

This is a compassive.

5:16

This is a complete We have a lot of Romeos.

5:20

You do you call them iMX or

5:22

do you call him immature?

5:23

If?

5:24

I think in my heart they're still

5:26

immature, but out of respect, I

5:28

didn't want to dead name them, so

5:31

I gave them i MX to honor.

5:33

I mean, even one of the ones that Brandy blinded.

5:36

Is that what you're.

5:36

Saying, I

5:38

mean, if we're going to start in yes, I.

5:40

Mean, never forget she killed somebody.

5:43

I've never forgotten.

5:44

I don't think she forgot either.

5:45

If that makes you feel better, I think that

5:48

that sort of keeps her awake fair

5:51

amount of night, n.

5:53

Goes to sleep with no problem.

5:58

That young lady is doing.

6:00

Just Brady hasn't slept since

6:03

early two thousand. Kateles sleep heavy.

6:07

You've already heard our guest voice today.

6:09

She's she's a returning contributor

6:12

to our podcast. We we call

6:14

our guest contributors now because of the important

6:18

work.

6:18

That we're doing.

6:20

She's she's hilarious. You know her from

6:22

a lot of shit. You know her from from Comedy

6:25

Central, you know her from Netflix, you know her from the Daily

6:27

Show, and most importantly, you know her from

6:29

her book. She has a book, a very

6:32

hilarious book. Let me get the title right. I don't

6:34

want to fuck this up. Hello friends, Stories

6:37

of dating, destiny and day jobs.

6:39

She's wonderful. She's a dear friend. Give

6:41

it up for Dulce.

6:42

Sloan Nigerian

6:47

African. I'm a sister, Okay.

6:52

I can tell you loved your drop. I can

6:54

tell just off of your reaction.

6:56

You really love what David pick for you.

7:04

That's what Jo specifically. I wouldn't do

7:06

that to other people.

7:07

No, no, listen, David knows I

7:09

can take it. Yeah, exactly, David

7:11

knows I can take it. And uh, anybody

7:14

saying I'm are we still sisters?

7:16

Are we still doing this?

7:19

You mean colloquially?

7:21

Yeah, are sisters

7:23

and brothers? You know he's a brother.

7:25

I feel weird about saying that now that there

7:27

are Tyler Perry programs calling

7:30

that.

7:30

So, oh there's a sisters and yeah

7:34

he got both lockdown.

7:38

I'm just waiting for Tyler Perry to just go full

7:40

Ted Turner and just have a

7:42

chance own network.

7:43

Yeah, yeah, happened.

7:46

I think Tyler Perry network's coming soon.

7:48

It Oprah has her own network. What's stopping Tyler

7:50

Perry from TPN.

7:52

They'll finally bring back the game.

7:54

Bro, they would bring back the game.

7:57

Well, you know they brought it back.

7:58

It's brought back soeveral times.

8:00

Yeah, they they had

8:03

it on Paramount.

8:04

I think I watched

8:06

every episode.

8:07

Did you?

8:08

Yeah?

8:08

I did, and you enjoyed it?

8:10

I sure did.

8:12

I like the game. We got to get you on the

8:14

game, like you would be in there.

8:17

I think a younger me could

8:19

have been on the game. I think intended to be

8:21

a football player.

8:22

No, no, no, you it would have been like an agent

8:24

or something. Yeah,

8:27

you would have been.

8:29

You ain't telling them to a football player.

8:32

Baby girl, All them niggas is

8:34

five six. Let's not get confused

8:36

about the the artists.

8:39

Friend friends, I

8:41

said tall, but we know I meant something else.

8:47

You would have been Tasha Max's new love interest.

8:49

You could have you would would.

8:51

Have been.

8:52

You could have been Yeah, you could have fought Pooky.

8:56

That would have been nice.

8:58

It would have been nice. Yeah, nice little, I

9:00

said tall, because I didn't want to just respect you on your

9:02

own podcast.

9:02

You know what I day, Someday I'll get buff and

9:05

and that's okay. I'll get

9:07

buff, I'll get I'll get darker.

9:09

And you should wait around till

9:11

you could get that.

9:12

Uh.

9:13

Would that bandman Kevin get the hebl

9:15

he be e b o.

9:16

I would like a hebl. I think that'd be what's

9:19

happening men are

9:21

getting. It's also what Rick Ross is accusing

9:23

Drake of having gotten. And yeah, we're trying to

9:25

get likes and snatched.

9:30

Thirty too.

9:42

Men have been getting their abs lightbode for

9:44

years, so this is nothing.

9:46

Yeah, but it's more than just getting abs

9:48

lightbode. Now there. They are taking

9:50

the fat from the middle and

9:53

turning it into titty meat

9:55

that like it's almost, yeah,

9:58

converted into like muscle. They're

10:00

and then like backshit, they're like doing

10:02

a lot to basically reframe their

10:04

bodies into something, which is why Rick

10:07

Ross said, you're running around here with

10:09

twenty five percent body fat with abs

10:11

that math ain't checking out.

10:13

Uh he basically a huge strake of it.

10:15

I don't know how much body fat you need to have

10:18

abs. I always don't have had too much to have them.

10:20

I never

10:23

looked it up.

10:24

It's way less than twenty five percent.

10:26

I assure, Yeah, it got to be like points

10:28

something, right.

10:29

I think you're you gotta be like less

10:32

than like ten to be able to pull

10:34

off abs in any real way.

10:36

Oh, you got to be close. Then what are you?

10:38

Eleven?

10:38

Twelve?

10:39

No, I don't know. I'm not about to do that

10:41

in front of you.

10:42

I don't want to. I don't want to make you up.

10:45

Really skinny dudes with no abs though.

10:47

Right, because their body fat is it's

10:50

always a confusing thing when you see a skinny

10:52

due you're like almost white person.

10:58

Well there's so I mean, they're so skinny and just like there

11:00

could have been an AB here if

11:02

you like just did a little bit more. But

11:05

some of them are skinny enough to have. It's like there's

11:07

the abs with no definition, like just oh, this

11:09

is just how a body is.

11:12

So very weak, and we should we

11:14

should make space for that in our society.

11:16

No, we shouldn't weak adult man, there's

11:18

so many we need a draft.

11:20

What we need to draft

11:23

here first, Georgia.

11:29

I want some of them army men's no,

11:32

no, no, no, we need to weed these fuckers

11:35

out. That's why I said we need a draft.

11:38

Listen, we're out here breeding with the worst

11:40

right now.

11:43

Understand am

11:45

I to understand that the draft is to send

11:48

the weak ones to war?

11:49

What do we drafting them to? So the

11:51

weak ones.

11:52

Go to war and never really die

11:55

and not even the ones stay and breed

11:58

with you?

11:58

Is that the plan? Not just not everybody,

12:02

it's not even a real war. They're going to go fight a proxy

12:04

war for it

12:07

somewhere.

12:09

Made war since the seventies constantly,

12:12

so just like this is a problem. We

12:14

are letting just too many. There's so many

12:16

weak ones in the gene pool. And I know this might sound like

12:18

eugenics, but that's exactly.

12:20

What I

12:22

think.

12:22

This might just be eugenics.

12:24

List if you can, I'll

12:27

tell you this, If you can make it through a war,

12:31

then that means that you're giens. Because it's like you think

12:33

about it, every other species on the planet,

12:35

the males have to show some

12:38

type of even bears, even

12:40

fish, the little little fish that make

12:42

little geometric patterns to attract

12:44

a mate, to show that they're better

12:46

than other males. So every

12:49

other species, the males have to do

12:51

something to show that they are the best.

12:54

Well, that's why, that's why some

12:56

of us are week in peacock on stage.

12:59

We stand up.

13:01

Yeah, I think you're forgetting

13:03

that a few of us have learned

13:05

to trick women in different ways and

13:09

that should be celebrated as well.

13:11

War doesn't. War doesn't do that

13:14

justice.

13:15

So you think they don't know who.

13:16

Y'all are.

13:21

Us, I pray

13:23

to God that that they don't, because

13:26

that's the scam that I'm trying to run.

13:28

For the rest. Inside.

13:29

Outside, I'll be I'll be all right.

13:33

Inside outside.

13:34

Yeah, me, those say he wants to send me and you the

13:36

war, I don't. I don't love it, but no,

13:39

I hate it.

13:40

Listen, there's no way I know for I know y'all

13:42

for long enough to know that y'all are coming back.

13:46

That's the nicest thing maybe you've said

13:48

in the entire twelve years we known each other.

13:50

I don't

13:54

because I told you your alligator joke

13:57

is still to this day one of my favorite

13:59

jokes. It's nice.

14:00

That's not as nice as say it.

14:01

I won't war, you dot, you

14:03

won't die.

14:05

You won't die. Like the Weekly French.

14:09

Staring at a picture of a lady who

14:11

you have to write letters to.

14:14

Oh man, but when no one's writing

14:16

letters, you just checked it a bitch. Hey you up,

14:18

I'm in the trenches.

14:23

You're right back.

14:23

Yeah, I was up like eight days ago.

14:26

No, we

14:28

can't keep talking about war in the trenches.

14:31

We we have a wonderful conspiracy

14:33

that you came to us, del say, you presented

14:36

one that.

14:37

We argued a lot about.

14:39

Yeah, we've had multiple arguments about

14:41

whether or not this has actually come up on the podcast.

14:43

Bory firmly believes that it

14:45

has come up. I firmly believe it

14:47

hasn't. No evidence shows that it

14:49

has come up.

14:50

But listening to your

14:52

own podcast, yeah, well.

14:54

We don't do that. You know what, I think I

14:56

think that I might have just talked to dose

14:58

about it in hindsight.

15:00

That's I said that last night.

15:02

I think I just I think remember

15:04

when we were playing Uno till so

15:06

late in the morning in

15:08

Minneapolis.

15:09

I think we were talking about it then.

15:11

That could have been it, because yeah, because you

15:13

were like, you're from Miami in

15:15

Atlanta, what do

15:17

you think about this? And I was like, it's perfectly

15:19

feasible what they were. I

15:21

think.

15:22

Listen, Okay, before before

15:24

you get to it, let's introduce it to our

15:26

listeners.

15:27

You said, my mama told.

15:29

Me the

15:32

Miami mom had eight foot

15:34

aliens. Well

15:39

she was like eight and ten. It was big,

15:41

you know, Lincoln,

15:45

They wasn't There wasn't four feet you

15:47

know what I mean. It was big as aliens.

15:50

I feel like you're coming at me.

15:51

I don't know. I'm not four feet, but it feels like you're

15:53

saying that to me.

15:55

And I don't know what to tell you about that. I

15:58

don't know how to make you feel better about the situation.

16:00

But I'm six two. I'm fine with it.

16:03

You six too, don't worry about it. My

16:06

man is six too. I'm all of mine.

16:11

Nah. No, Actually I had to get measured because

16:13

I bought a bike oof a nigga been lying, man,

16:16

is what I found out.

16:17

Oh you've you've been telling people you

16:19

were taller than you.

16:20

Are significantly damn

16:23

and not even on some shit.

16:24

I just truly did not know because I didn't have health

16:26

insurance for the longer.

16:28

I just really didn't know.

16:29

I just so you thought you were six feet tall.

16:31

No, I thought I was five to ten.

16:33

You're not, no. Five eight.

16:37

Listen, I'm five four. So everybody's taller

16:39

than man.

16:40

See that's my problem with this. All you

16:42

don't even know it's all the different. What's

16:44

the difference?

16:45

I do?

16:45

I do get frustrated with that, where

16:47

like there'll be somebody who clearly

16:50

doesn't know what five eleven is, being

16:52

like you ain't five eleven. It's like, baby

16:54

girl, what are we talking

16:56

about.

16:57

I'm gonna tell you this. I'm gonna tell you it is

16:59

sixty tall. It is looking real different

17:02

on a lot of different niggas. I'm gonna tell you that.

17:04

I mean somebody who was lying about it. Though,

17:07

I do feel it because I really it was, like

17:09

I said, I was. I just assumed

17:11

five to ten because I would be like around

17:13

six foot tall people and I'd be like, I'm

17:15

not that much shorter than them. Mm hmmm hmm.

17:18

Well, if nobody believes that I'm five four, that's

17:20

what I think is the How tall are you?

17:22

I'm five for no one believes you're pretty

17:24

little?

17:25

That's what I mean. I thought it was like a nice I'm

17:27

a lady's eye.

17:29

But how tall are you?

17:30

Like I'd say

17:33

five ten to five eleven, depending on who's

17:35

asking.

17:36

That feels right?

17:37

See, and do I feel that much shorter than you?

17:39

You're shorter than me for sure.

17:40

I realized I wasn't.

17:43

I'm not gonna put that on it. That

17:51

feels like in.

17:52

An attack and I'm not trying to do all that.

17:54

But

17:57

but no, I'm shorter than everybody. Like. No one's

17:59

like like they were like, oh, I thought you were taller

18:01

than this, So I'm like, no, I'm

18:03

just like I think maybe because of my afro, people

18:05

might think I'm taller.

18:07

I watched a video pretty recently

18:09

of a dude who was showing up with like

18:12

measuring tape at the at like the gym

18:14

that's asking dudes to say

18:17

how tall they were, and then he checked. And

18:20

it was hard to watch for a lot

18:22

of men who were like I'm six two and

18:24

then he'd measure them and they were like five

18:26

ten Oh nah good,

18:29

And they were having a hard time with

18:31

it, like it wasn't they weren't laughing

18:34

at off.

18:34

It wasn't funny.

18:35

A bunch of the men refused to let themselves

18:38

be measured.

18:39

It got weird, bro, That's why I'm glad I

18:41

got that bicycle.

18:42

Man, I'm not.

18:43

I was never trying to be a tall personality

18:45

guy.

18:46

Well. I remember, like I had a joke during COVID

18:48

that, uh, when they had that like six foot

18:51

distancing. I said, yeah, I was walking down the street

18:53

with my homeboys and I saw the six foot stickers and I'm

18:55

just like, hey, man, lay down for a second. I'm trying

18:57

to figure something out. Basically, it

19:01

was like, cause like this six feet six feet on

19:03

the ground and six feet standing up. It don't seem to

19:06

be the same six feet to me. So I'm just

19:08

want to be like, hey, bro, laid out right quick. I'm trying to figure

19:10

I'm trying to see something and see if this six feet

19:12

is really six.

19:13

Feet unrelated these

19:15

eight to ten foot tall aliens.

19:17

Let me tell you something.

19:19

This is why I think it makes sense to me. One

19:22

if I was an alien, right, yeah,

19:24

because they keep going to places like it was crop

19:26

circle nonsense and all this other stuff. And

19:29

it's like they keep going on like Iowa, Kansas

19:31

and like putting patterns in these

19:34

fields. I think this is that new

19:36

younger generation of aliens. Just like listen,

19:38

I don't want to be out here in no field with

19:41

no patterns this. So I don't

19:43

know why we was doing this. They don't know what it means. The

19:45

humans ain't figured it out yet. What all we were

19:48

saying was hey, row was good, or how

19:50

y'all doing? Or heystock destroying

19:52

your planet with climate change. We would trying to talk

19:54

to them. They don't get it, so we need to come to them to where they're at.

19:57

What's the place that won people

19:59

would slight believe, Like if

20:01

you said aliens in la you're like aliens

20:04

in Atlanta, I'm like, we already got at aliens on

20:06

bank, like we don't need this. But if

20:08

someone's like aliens in Miami, I was like, yeah, I

20:10

didn't make sense to.

20:11

Me because I'm not following.

20:13

Well, here's the thing, what's the wildest

20:16

place. Well, because there's

20:19

a few places where people would be like yeah,

20:21

that's so crazy it could happen in

20:24

Miami. I feel like it's that place where

20:26

it's just like yo, because you said, like aliens

20:29

in Vegas, aliens in Miami. You'd

20:31

be like, it's so nuts that

20:35

that maybe fit because it's even like because

20:37

what's the place from, just like what's places where like someone

20:39

could be like in a wild

20:41

costume. Right.

20:43

See.

20:43

That's why I feel like LA makes sense

20:45

to me because like I feel like people

20:47

in Miami are just fine. They're not like crazy

20:50

looking.

20:51

No, they're not crazy looking, but I'm saying it's just like that's what I'm

20:53

saying, this hot new young aliens

20:56

like, right, I don't want to keep

20:58

putting these messages in these fiels because they don't

21:00

get it right.

21:02

Let's just go outside and

21:05

see what's going with what are the kids doing?

21:07

That's why I mean I was just like yeah, because

21:09

if you just feel like, oh, there was aliens

21:12

in the mall in Utah, I'd be like, no,

21:14

that's down right, was

21:16

not interesting.

21:18

I think it may be helpful to frame

21:20

this up a little bit for our listeners that

21:23

there is a video that circulated.

21:26

What was this Like, I want

21:28

to say it's.

21:30

Two thousand, oh two

21:32

thousands.

21:33

It was earlier this year.

21:34

It was January. Earlier this year, a

21:37

video circulated of what appeared

21:39

to be giant aliens walking

21:43

down a pathway outside of the

21:45

mall while police were sort of

21:47

like all circled around

21:49

it. This is the video we all saw, I

21:51

think of like police.

21:54

So he didn't talk about this.

21:56

Yeah, I guess if.

21:57

It was January this year, maybe

21:59

it was a maybe when I was doing a podcast or something.

22:01

I don't know. So the videos them outside

22:04

Miami Dade is outside.

22:07

And they're walking, strolling, I would say,

22:10

very casually, walking as police

22:12

circle, tons of police cars,

22:15

tons of police cars circling

22:17

these giant alien looking creatures,

22:20

and uh, the everybody is

22:22

speculating as to whether or not these are real

22:24

aliens or AI or

22:27

some sort of combination of both

22:30

or kids.

22:30

Zenoan's thought that it was just like people in costumes,

22:33

like on a Jim Henson situation on

22:36

a industrial light and magic

22:39

fucking the Walt Disney of it

22:41

all, like no one like a costume

22:43

wasn't the next thing.

22:44

I think it probably was speculated.

22:46

I do think we've moved out of a place culturally

22:49

of practical props, and that's disappointing.

22:52

I think cgi FU the

22:54

whole shit up.

22:55

I think CG I really fucked it up so that

22:57

we don't even think about practical being

22:59

an option any more.

23:00

And I saw it coming as soon as I saw Deep

23:02

Blue Sea, I said, we're doomed.

23:04

Yeah.

23:05

Here's the thing. Like when I goot of that new

23:07

Jurassic Park movie that he was just looking

23:09

at dots. I was like, damn,

23:13

ain't no animatronics, no more,

23:15

No, what happened

23:18

that those people used to eat?

23:20

Bro? They was really out here.

23:23

It was all practical effects.

23:25

Yeah, it was really Park

23:27

is still fucking kind of scary because

23:30

they had real you know, practical.

23:32

Somebody had to put teeth in a motherfucker's

23:34

head. Bro. Yeah,

23:38

dinnisaur somebody

23:41

to make a little thing with the fans.

23:42

So that's

23:48

the one they recorded originally.

23:50

Wait before

23:52

we go, Before we go to

23:54

Break, I think we should decide who

23:57

here believes in aliens absolutely.

24:00

I definitely believe in aliens.

24:02

Okay, same, so we're all on the same page.

24:04

Yeah, I think it would be foolish,

24:07

frankly to even uh. I

24:09

think anybody who doesn't even kind

24:11

of believe in the possibility of life outside

24:13

of this planet is a goddamn idiot.

24:16

Yeah, that's why I agree it's too

24:18

big.

24:18

Now, whether or not they're coming to this

24:20

planet is more up for

24:23

debate, but yes, but we

24:25

ain't alone in this universe. Stupid

24:28

And if you say otherwise, I hate

24:30

you.

24:30

Well it's interesting because it's like people

24:35

like, there's the there's the you know, excuse people

24:37

say like, well, you know, as

24:39

a Christian, you know, I don't believe that, like

24:41

there's aliens. I was like, but as a

24:43

Christian, you should like, what do you mean? I was

24:45

like, if God is so powerful it

24:48

created the heavens and the Earth in the entire

24:50

universe, why would you limit God's

24:53

power to just one planet

24:55

when the universe is so big and there's thousands

24:58

of planets. You think he only did this one

25:00

time.

25:01

I'm saying it's a space thing I don't

25:03

even know about. I'm just saying it's a space thing. With

25:06

all the space, why would it just why would

25:08

he make all these other shit to

25:10

just make life on this place?

25:13

It doesn't make any sense.

25:14

Yeah, I've often equated Christianity

25:17

to like those niggas who ain't never left

25:20

their neighborhood, like

25:23

like you believe all that stuff because you ain't

25:25

never left Chicago.

25:27

But there's the best the world.

25:30

It's like, yeah, maybe if you ain't been nowhere.

25:33

But that's always interesting to me because

25:35

they said, like most people live within a fifty mile radius

25:37

of where they were born. And I'm just like, oh,

25:40

I've been to forty six states,

25:43

forty five states, So it's just an odd

25:45

thing because it's just like but

25:47

then I have to think about there's the other side

25:49

of it where it's like when you start thinking about how

25:52

big the universe is, it can break

25:55

your brain sometimes. So

25:57

like if there was a Neil de grasse tysan

25:59

show Netflix, and he was saying like,

26:01

if you take how old the universe

26:04

is then human

26:06

beings and you and you equate it to

26:08

a calendar, a twelve month calendar, then the

26:10

existence of human beings is

26:13

like the last minute of the

26:15

last day. It's like

26:17

eleven fifty nine

26:20

if you put the entire existence

26:22

of the universe on a twelve month calendar.

26:24

And I was watching it and I was like, Nope,

26:26

I'm a smart person. I didn't suck it need that, and

26:29

they made it.

26:30

I think not really, I find it comforting.

26:32

Well, it's like because a dinosaur is like the last hour,

26:34

and I'm like, meh,

26:39

what I'm saying.

26:39

Is that actual.

26:41

It doesn't have to do in a day. But like if you think

26:43

too much about how big things are,

26:46

it's just like yeah, but I still want to eat a sandwich

26:48

later, So like it's all right, you

26:50

know, I still got to get my brother

26:52

some moramen when I get back to La

26:55

So because I so

26:58

like the universe is massive, you know,

27:00

you're just you're full of star stuff

27:02

and you know in the big spectrum of the thing, and aliens

27:05

are coming and trying to buy Jordan's

27:07

But because how big with their feet.

27:10

At least fifteen they're ten feet,

27:12

they're I think they're heading into

27:14

the shacks. They got to be like

27:16

twenty two's.

27:17

And yeah, because

27:19

I'm six foot and I got a program.

27:25

I love the motherfucker telling us these five

27:27

ages and.

27:28

Then turning till six

27:30

feet within moments.

27:33

Brilliant, brilliant.

27:36

Wait, you were telling people you were six

27:38

foot when you lived in the house.

27:40

I thought it was five ten.

27:42

Okay, you lived with Marcella

27:44

and Solomon for a very long time.

27:46

All my friends are tall. I'm fucking sick

27:48

of that ship. There's the other thing about it.

27:51

I'm sorry for yelling. It's just like the other

27:53

thing about it is you start hanging out with these

27:55

six four sixty five freaks,

28:01

Nna, you lose yourself in it. You

28:03

lose yourself. All you know is that you're down there

28:06

and nobody even cares. Nobody even

28:08

cares. What's the difference, what's the difference

28:10

between five and seven and five eleven?

28:13

If you your fucking best friends are

28:15

six foot four? I got I got

28:17

four friends six foot four, good ones.

28:21

Well, I'll say this.

28:22

When we come back, we are going to find

28:24

out if whether or not David was

28:26

in fact living with

28:29

those big ass aliens in the Miami

28:31

Mall or Solomon, Georgia. And we're

28:34

gonna take a break. We're gonna be back with more

28:36

Ma Mama told me, and more Dulce Slum.

28:45

We're calling upon you because

28:48

we have we have new merch. We have

28:50

very exciting merch that we

28:53

are now selling and it's

28:55

it's fucking great.

28:56

We love it so much.

28:57

Just sleek, it's sexy.

29:00

On you want to tell them what we have? Yeah, we

29:02

have three different types of hats, which

29:04

is really fun. We have a two tone

29:06

hat, an alien dad hat,

29:08

the traditional logo in black and khaki.

29:11

Then we have the enamel pen with the alien

29:13

who has a koofie on it since my mama told

29:15

me. And then we have t shirts that say proud

29:18

little Mama, which is.

29:19

Who you are.

29:20

Yeah, you can buy the merch now,

29:23

go to my mama told me dot merch table

29:25

dot com. It's a brand new name,

29:28

but it's the same old merch and we would

29:30

love for you to get some if you haven't got it

29:32

already, and we want you to

29:34

have all the sweet stuff, so get it.

29:39

King Kong ain't got on

29:42

me. We are back,

29:44

not talking about King Kong, but another

29:46

mythical beast. We're talking about

29:49

the aliens in Miami with those

29:51

sloan Okay.

29:53

When this news comes out, don't say

29:56

you obviously are

29:58

tracking it. You're from Miami. Emmy,

30:01

you see this, do you immediately

30:03

believe? Do you start

30:05

to say, I know you're saying that there is a real

30:08

possibility, but how much of this are

30:10

you like fully bought into? Are you just like

30:13

having fun with the joy of

30:15

like playing the game?

30:16

I believe it so quick. I didn't even do

30:18

further research.

30:22

That's what we like to hear on this podcast.

30:23

I saw just

30:25

a little bit in that video and that was like sustained,

30:28

and I just went on. I

30:31

was like, yeah, accurate, sounds right. Why

30:33

I was like, I said, why wouldn't they go to Miami?

30:36

I think everybody should go to Miami once.

30:37

Oh, believe me, I've been, and it's it's

30:40

a I've been. I used to live there, I was

30:42

born there, and it's

30:44

a great place to visit. It's not an amazing place

30:46

to live. It's been hard to get a job

30:48

since Hurricane Andrew, so since

30:51

Clinton was in office to spend It's

30:53

already be rich to live there. So,

30:56

and you have to speak at aspect. It's why I speak Spanish.

30:58

It's because I learned it in school.

31:00

But she was from some island

31:02

nation.

31:03

I'm black.

31:05

Uh yeah, I thought I

31:08

thought your mama was Puerto Rican.

31:10

I thought, like Dominic, I

31:12

thought you were from a Spanish speaking place.

31:15

My mama had a Cuban friend named Dulce when

31:17

she went to hair school.

31:19

I assumed I assumed your middle name

31:21

was le I didn't.

31:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I

31:25

did think it had something.

31:26

To do with the kid.

31:29

My middle name was Lazaria. That's

31:32

I don't know what to make La is

31:34

the feminine virsion of Lazarus.

31:36

Okay, yeah, I believe you. Oh, like.

31:40

From the Bible.

31:41

Yeah, yeah, they came back from the day right.

31:43

Yes, she's a resurrected here.

31:45

And then my mom was like, what if he was a girl?

31:49

Well, my aunt came my I never know

31:51

that was the thing. My aunt gave me my middle name.

31:53

But when I was first, when they first

31:55

named me, my name was flipped.

31:58

So originally my first name was lazarre Ye

32:00

and my middle name was Dulcer. And then my mother

32:02

changed it, and then she changed it and then

32:04

she and the last time she changed it, she

32:06

had how it is now And the nurse was

32:08

like this, you have to like put

32:11

a birth figare or a typewriter. And I talked

32:13

about it in the book and the nurse was like,

32:15

I'm not coming back up here with this typewriter. So

32:17

this is your daughter's name.

32:18

Whoa, whoa.

32:20

So if she'd have put her foot down

32:22

just one time before, my name

32:25

would have been Lazaria Dulcir.

32:28

Shout out to those typewriter birth certificates

32:30

for looking fake as hell. Bro, my

32:33

ship looks my ship looks not real for counter

32:36

fit. Okay, bro, my ship is

32:38

oriented fucking long

32:41

way. It's not landscape portrait.

32:44

It's portrait and it just says

32:47

father's birthplace Africa, Mother's

32:52

I swear I got it because my mom

32:54

said it to me in the mail. Because you know, I ain't have I D

32:56

for like four years, and then you got to get a birth certificate

32:58

to get your ID back.

33:00

ID for four years.

33:01

Okay, that's not what this is about.

33:03

No, nigga, you are a black man walking around with

33:06

no ID for four years.

33:09

Lee, I don't like to have it on me now.

33:11

The point is that I got my birth

33:13

certificate and I was like, Mommy, this this

33:16

can't be real, right.

33:17

I will say it does make

33:19

me feel a little bit of nostalgia

33:22

for eighties style racism where you

33:24

could just be like Africa.

33:26

Yeah,

33:29

we don't get that kind of good, clean racism

33:32

that was peer straight from the earth

33:35

racism.

33:36

Like I had friends who were like

33:38

I think, friends that had they born Maybe like, if

33:40

that's the case that anyone who had friends like born

33:43

like so your parents are say like Mexico, or

33:46

like you're or some ship like that.

33:48

Yeah. No, I think they would

33:50

have done countries in other places they would

33:52

have I think they would have said Italy.

33:54

I think because it was Africa, they.

33:56

Just said, yeah,

34:00

yeah, we're like two

34:03

weeks out from doing that now,

34:06

you know what I mean, Like, we're just now treating

34:08

those nations like they're different.

34:12

Yeah. Yeah, A bunch of people found

34:14

out about Ghana. Yeah, truly

34:17

Ghana changed the game.

34:19

No, because it was just

34:21

Nigeria for the whole

34:24

of my life, and I was like, y'all

34:26

could come for free Nigeria South Africa.

34:28

And that's what I was gonna say. Those

34:31

were the Those were the big

34:33

ones. But Ethiopia was mostly just for

34:35

jokes. It was only a bit. We

34:37

weren't even I didn't.

34:39

I didn't even realize they were so fucking

34:41

bad in Ethiopia because

34:43

we were just calling them little hungry boys

34:46

my whole life. And then I saw an Ethiopia

34:48

woman. I was like, these are the baddest human

34:50

beings. They're the PLAUTI what are we making

34:52

fun of here?

34:53

Well, the other wild part is that we never think

34:55

about Egypt as being like we

34:57

think of Egypt mean born in Africa. But

35:00

other people, well, it's

35:03

well one was so crazy.

35:05

I don't think egypt that either.

35:08

They're like they're going

35:10

to be Middle Eastern. They're like, we're basically Arabs.

35:14

I mean, I know a lot of y'all are over there. But

35:17

but the thing is because like there's a guy

35:19

that I know is so there's a like

35:21

an agent or mandra I know, and so his family's Egyptian

35:24

and I'm just saying it because he was talking about it. I was like, he's

35:26

saying, it's crazy that like technically he's

35:29

African American, yeah, but

35:31

also technically Charlie Starhin is

35:33

African American. Yes, yeah,

35:36

But she's smart enough not to ever talk about

35:38

it.

35:38

And I praise she doesn't. I hope

35:40

for her the.

35:41

Day she does is the day where it's just like, well,

35:44

I think she's made jokes about it, certainly,

35:46

but I hope she never genuinely comes

35:48

out and it's like as an African American.

35:53

But the one time there was some award show and

35:55

it was just like she won an

35:57

award and they said something about her being like the first

36:00

African to win X award, and I think

36:02

everybody went what she was kind of.

36:03

Like a

36:07

B E T Award too.

36:08

I'm not showing to listen,

36:10

Charlie.

36:14

Bro I've got a n double a

36:16

CP. I got two ACP Awards,

36:18

and them ceremonies

36:20

are interesting.

36:21

I'll say that, is it better

36:23

than other ceremonies.

36:25

I'll say that I've been to the Emmys

36:29

like four or five times and

36:31

they've never had a cash bar.

36:34

Hmm. God damn it a c

36:37

and it.

36:38

Was and it was spawned. And what was so crazy about

36:40

it being a cash bar is that they had this

36:42

big sign thing that it was sponsored by American

36:44

Airlines because if you remember American,

36:48

so at one point the NAACP

36:50

had put a travel advisory against

36:52

American airlines, You're saying that black

36:55

people shouldn't travel on American And

36:57

then a year later American Airlines

36:59

was like, we gave you niggas a bar. Oh,

37:02

but only at like the non

37:04

televised part of the ceremony.

37:07

And it was a cash bar.

37:10

Luckily, it was also sponsored by

37:12

Contour Ludacris's Kognac for

37:15

free produce.

37:20

And Buzzball sponsored the god

37:22

damn it, no, that's.

37:24

Not for real went on and drink Buzzball

37:27

or used to drink buzzballs.

37:29

Don't do that. I didn't used to drink

37:31

buzzballs. I've had buzzballs

37:34

because they used to sell them.

37:35

On Spirit when Spirit first came out.

37:37

That's how you had a buzzball. Was flying

37:40

a Spirit Airlines flight.

37:43

All right, everybody's so great, everybody's so rich

37:46

that everybody so everybody

37:49

so rich on this podcast. All right, excuse

37:52

me for living.

37:53

I'm wait a minute, let's be clear.

37:55

I'm not judging trying a buzzball.

37:58

We all have. I'm not judging

38:00

flying Spirit. We all had.

38:03

The combinations is

38:06

fucking nuts.

38:07

It was.

38:10

I've not had a buzzball, nor have I bet on Spirit.

38:13

Well, well that's that's what

38:15

you did.

38:16

You die?

38:17

Yeah, breaking,

38:24

Might we fan you with our big

38:26

ass leafs?

38:28

Yes?

38:29

Oh yeah, I'm sorry, Queen.

38:31

Never had

38:34

hurried up of us have had to get

38:36

to pussy quick fast and.

38:42

Shirts.

38:45

I'm trying to get to Houston for twenty

38:47

six dollars.

38:50

Bory, you were writing Spirit to get the pussy.

38:53

No, no, I think I was. I'm

38:55

pretty sure I flew to cleveling,

39:00

which, now when I say the whole story out loud,

39:03

this motherfucker was going to Cleveland. He said

39:06

the steartess, do they call you that on Spirit?

39:10

Bring me your finest buzzball? No,

39:14

because what it happened was it

39:17

was early Spirit and I paid.

39:19

If you paid like forty bucks, you could get

39:21

the front seat in Spirit, and

39:24

it's a bigger seat. It's like a first first

39:26

class seat. So I was like, shit, I'm up

39:28

here, and uh yeah, they have buzzballs

39:31

on there. Yeah.

39:32

Then I called fight and you just go, hey, bitch,

39:45

skyhor.

39:52

Shitty liqueur you could offer me. I

39:57

need something to wash down the compliment

40:01

you get?

40:04

What do you what do you pair with these hot fries?

40:07

Yeah?

40:07

Keep in mind alone, is

40:10

there a drink you have that's gonna make me

40:12

scratch my neck incessantly for

40:15

the next two hours?

40:18

So when I stopped pedaling to keep the playing the

40:20

sky to

40:25

quench my thirst.

40:28

So, uh, it

40:31

is worth noting as it relates

40:33

to these eight to ten feet

40:35

aliens, is that the

40:38

conspiracy was almost immediately

40:41

denied. The Miami police

40:43

sort of came forward saying that this was

40:45

the antics of a bunch

40:47

of children, a bunch of juveniles, several

40:49

juveniles, as it's quoted, and

40:53

Forbes did a write up on it were

40:55

arrested for basically

40:58

it seems like having like a mass brawl

41:00

at the mall and that's what

41:03

caused all the people to run. That's what caused

41:05

all the police to show up. They got in this big

41:07

ass fight. And the footage

41:10

is said of these aliens walking

41:12

is actually said to be just

41:14

two to three police officers

41:16

walking towards the arrested individuals

41:20

and not these large aliens

41:22

they suggest them to be.

41:24

So the smoke what distorted? Maybe,

41:28

so it was just like because they were like setting off

41:30

fireworks and all kinds of shit. Yeah,

41:33

So is it like the smoke and the fire Is

41:35

it like just distortion of like light

41:37

and like fireworks smoke or whatever. So it's

41:39

just like casting long shadows.

41:42

Yeah, it's a pretty low quality

41:44

video.

41:45

It's at night, and it's from a

41:47

substantial distance, and I

41:49

think they say that basically it's

41:51

the eyes tricking you into

41:54

seeing ten feet aliens eight

41:56

to ten, which I don't even know how from that

41:58

distance we're landing on

42:00

the numbers that we're landing on.

42:02

But the cop cars, right,

42:04

that's probably how they.

42:05

Yeah, but like they're not next to them,

42:07

next to them, at least from the video I saw.

42:09

See one, I saw some at eight, and then another article

42:12

said saw ten. So I'm just like two

42:14

feet is a fucking line.

42:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a

42:18

lot of cop cars and obviously,

42:20

like whoever is walking looks

42:23

larger than you

42:26

know what you would expect a regular

42:28

person to look like that said,

42:30

They're saying it's multiple people and it's just

42:32

shadows and weird sort of like distortion.

42:35

I mean, I think it's crazy that they're talking about this, Like,

42:38

I mean, one who

42:40

doesn't know people who have gotten into

42:42

a brawl at a mall. It's

42:44

very much like a green Eggs and hand

42:46

like, well, we all have friends

42:49

who got in a fight or

42:52

got in too a brawl technically.

42:54

All yeah, I don't even

42:56

guy who used to go to the mall to fight m

42:59

he went prison later.

43:02

How's he doing now?

43:03

Though, actually

43:07

he came out.

43:09

How is he?

43:11

No?

43:11

I mean he can't. He got out and then he came out.

43:13

Oh okay, he was doing well.

43:16

Yeah.

43:16

But then I think back to his behavior back

43:18

then, and I think that it

43:20

feels like there was like some

43:23

frustration with the world, like

43:25

because to be eighteen nineteen

43:28

and his dad was a cop, and to be that young

43:30

to be like let's go to the mall and fuck people

43:32

up, you know what I mean. It just felt like maybe

43:35

he was fighting.

43:35

He did to put it, I'm sure, yeah,

43:38

yeah, yeah, yeah, I think honestly,

43:40

I was thinking about that the other day, just like growing

43:43

up, like there weren't a lot

43:45

of openly gay kids

43:47

at my high school and then

43:50

like no, and I went a very

43:52

like diversary mixed high school, and then

43:54

I was thinking recently like there's so many kids

43:57

now that get to not only openly be gay,

43:59

but like date and

44:01

go to like and have date and go to prom and

44:03

and it's just like it's honestly,

44:06

it makes me like so happy because

44:08

I think about for so long people like hot.

44:11

I'm not going to say like too much. Was also just like

44:13

I think it's also good for other people to see

44:16

in the same way, just like we look at de sagregation

44:18

or women getting rights and all this other stuff. It's

44:20

like it makes everybody better when other people

44:22

can get right. It just has to be like

44:24

just all these things that all

44:27

of the anger and stuff and like because that

44:29

guy had that anger and he would go out and

44:31

fight, and then that would affect other people's

44:33

lives.

44:34

Oh so light skinning.

44:35

So some of it was innate, y'all,

44:38

y'all, y'all, listen, listen.

44:42

Nobody today. I

44:44

was minding my goddamn business.

44:47

We did a whole episode

44:49

we made peace, and

44:51

here you come.

44:54

I was being peace.

44:57

I've always said what he was like light

45:00

skin dudes. I've always thought it was like, light

45:02

skinned dudes are weak and dark skinned women

45:04

are aggressive. Okay, always, That's

45:07

what I'm

45:11

saying as a stereotype. I'm

45:13

saying the stereotype that there is light

45:15

skin dudes are weak and dark skinned women

45:17

are aggressive. I think this is a wild ass

45:19

stereotype. And I'm

45:22

like, I want, like, if you talk about my mama told me I

45:24

would know where these two things came from.

45:26

For somebody acting real light skin. We never

45:28

apply this to women, and

45:31

then dark skinned men.

45:34

We don't see. It's like there's not this stereotype

45:36

around because there's no stereots around lights. Like

45:38

the stereos type around light skin women is that they're uppity

45:42

and that they're fougie. And then but I

45:44

don't know what world stereotype there is arend

45:46

like dark skinned men.

45:49

Sensitive dark skin man, I'm just trying to fly under

45:51

the radar. Let's not stir any of this I.

45:53

Can tell you.

45:54

But I'm the strongest,

45:56

uh.

45:57

I can tell you as a as a as a

46:00

mid toned woman. No one

46:02

says shit to me.

46:03

So that's where you want to be.

46:05

Listen, you guys six Like

46:08

I.

46:08

Remember being in school being like, man, this like

46:11

conduction ship is a problem because

46:13

it's like nigga, if you're midnight or

46:15

noon, hey, if you're six pm.

46:17

Fine, yeah,

46:20

we we fine peace every day.

46:22

Because y'all are y'all. First of all, you're

46:24

intelligent people who can get through a war.

46:26

Come on, come on, keep going.

46:34

We have to we have to go

46:36

to another break. But before we do,

46:39

it's also worth noting that or

46:41

rather when we come back, and this is maybe a

46:43

better way of framing this up. I did do some

46:46

research on where the

46:48

the possibility of this might

46:50

actually actually exist. I landed

46:52

on something that I'd love to unpack with you all

46:55

about the possibility of any validity

46:57

for this Miami conspiracy, even though

46:59

it's seems to be just a bunch of badass kids

47:02

fist fighting at the mall. So we're gonna take

47:04

a break, we're gonna be back with more doselet

47:06

song, more my mama told me, and we're

47:08

gonna talk more about these aliens.

47:16

We're calling upon you because

47:19

we have new merch. We have

47:21

very exciting merch that

47:23

we are now selling and it's

47:26

it's fucking great. We love it so much.

47:28

Just sleek, it's sexy.

47:30

Come on, you want to tell them what we have? Yeah,

47:33

we have three different types of hats,

47:35

which is really fun. We have a two tone

47:37

hat, an alien dad hat,

47:39

the traditional logo in black and khaki.

47:42

Then we have the enamel pin with an alien

47:44

who has a coofie on it since my mama told

47:46

me. And then we have t shirts that say proud

47:49

little Mama, which is.

47:50

Who you are.

47:51

Yeah, you can buy the merch now,

47:54

go to my mama told me dot merch

47:56

table dot com. It's a brand

47:58

new name, but it's a same merch

48:01

and we would love for you to get some if you haven't

48:03

got it already, and we want

48:05

you to have all the sweet stuff, so get it.

48:10

I want you to know this.

48:11

If your prayers include me to stop drinking,

48:14

stop smoking, and stop having

48:16

fun and stop.

48:17

Watching these little bitches spop the ads.

48:19

If your prayers include any of those things and not

48:21

gonna work because of rejecting them all. And

48:24

I will be continuing in my saying

48:26

we could ask motherfucking ways.

48:27

I gets it that the way you want to put.

48:30

Yep, we're back. That

48:34

is the leader of this podcast.

48:37

That is my grandfather, a

48:39

gentleman who inspires us every day.

48:42

We don't know his name or where he is, but we

48:44

trust him and the Lord's prayers.

48:46

With Olivia's writing, that

48:49

man said.

48:50

Take your prayers and keep them because

48:52

I ain't stopping doing now thing I'm doing

48:54

over here.

48:55

Come on, we're still talking

48:57

about the possibilities that there are ten feet

48:59

eight to ten feet aliens walking

49:01

around malls, specifically in Miami.

49:04

And one of the things that I

49:06

landed on, or rather wanted to unpack

49:09

with you all, is that this

49:11

gray alien conversation is

49:13

in fact a real one. Grays,

49:16

as they're commonly referred to, are

49:18

sort of a very I guess,

49:20

stereotypical alien breed

49:23

that is often associated with

49:25

visiting the planet Earth.

49:27

It's the ones you see, it's the ones you tend to see,

49:29

right, Like, no distinct

49:31

features, kind of fuzzy outlines, humanoid

49:34

body, yeah, big eyes.

49:36

Big ass head.

49:37

My ex side of roommate that looked like that.

49:43

Well, that's unfortunate.

49:44

And the idea of waking up

49:46

in the middle of the night and seeing that walk past

49:49

your room seems haunting at the very

49:51

least.

49:52

And you stayed downstairs.

49:54

Okay, he knew he was ugly, and he knew he

49:56

was gray.

49:56

I like that he was needed

49:58

some vitamin D. Saw you just need like

50:00

some just some sunlight really would have helped

50:02

him.

50:03

But there are multiple sort of like incidents

50:05

where people claim to have seen these quote

50:08

unquote grays out in

50:10

the world. And I'm curious

50:12

to hear you all's thoughts as it relates

50:15

to that. Do you believe in

50:17

the grays walking around and it just

50:19

isn't in this Miami mall? Or do you

50:21

think like maybe this is the

50:24

police trying to throw a little bit of a

50:26

red herring a wrench into

50:29

what ultimately is a real thing.

50:31

Where where do you live in the aliens looking

50:33

humanoid and walking around

50:36

vibe a bit?

50:37

All?

50:37

It's such a tough It's such a

50:40

tough Because I thought about this before,

50:42

is that other

50:45

planets sustaining life humanoid

50:48

is like it feels kind of arrogant to assume

50:50

that it.

50:50

Will look just like us. Who

50:53

knows there's infinite

50:56

ways to be mobile, you know what I'm saying.

50:58

So like for some than to be shaped

51:01

exactly like us does

51:03

feel like more of a red herring to me,

51:06

just in that like that makes

51:08

it easier to understand, right, if

51:10

they're like they look like people, kind of that

51:12

people can understand, as opposed to like some

51:16

creature from a planet that is

51:19

set up completely different and has

51:21

to set you know what, You know what I mean, like a physical

51:23

setup to be to be adapted

51:25

to that planet. Who knows if arms and legs

51:27

is the best you know what I mean? They got they

51:30

they got wheels, they got six dicks. We

51:32

don't know what they're on over there.

51:34

Yeah, I don't hope they don't have six.

51:36

That seems like a lot to focus on.

51:38

But but I don't know how their brains

51:40

are built. Deal, I'm a human being.

51:42

I have limited perspective one

51:45

with a dick, So yeah,

51:47

maybe six is the right number.

51:49

Well then, because they could, like if

51:51

you think of the diversity of life

51:54

on the planet Earth, and

51:56

of all the ways that animals

52:00

on the creatures on Earth exist

52:04

move because like there's

52:06

ocean planet, so everybody could be

52:09

in the water, right, there

52:11

could be. There's like Venus is a very gaseous

52:14

planet, and so the interesting thing

52:16

about Venus is that a day

52:19

on Venus is longer than a year on

52:21

Venus.

52:23

So I

52:26

don't understand it takes it

52:29

takes.

52:30

Longer for Venus to rotate once

52:32

than it does for it to go around the Sun.

52:35

Oh. Interesting, So

52:37

the way we measure a day is one rotation of

52:39

the Earth, so it

52:41

takes Venus like maybe,

52:44

but it's not. It's not huge. It's

52:46

not like twenty days in the year.

52:48

It's like it's not a huge difference, but it's basically

52:50

almost the same. It takes about the same. So

52:53

it's like a it's like two hundred and

52:55

sixty six days to rotate

52:57

with twenty sixty five days get around there to get around the Sun.

53:00

So it's also it's like we're

53:02

carbon based life forms, but if you look at like

53:04

the periodic table, there's so many

53:06

other life forms, Like there was like a whole thing on XBOS

53:08

where it was just like there were silicon based

53:10

life forms, you know what I mean. There's

53:12

so many elements in

53:15

a periodic table. There's so many

53:17

ways for a planet to exist,

53:20

like Jupiter. That big red spot on Jupiter

53:23

is technically like a hurricane,

53:26

but it's three earths wide, is how big

53:28

it is, and so

53:30

and that's been swirling since we discovered

53:33

other planets, so for

53:36

us to go and then certain

53:38

planets have like a more gravity or less gravity,

53:40

like the Moon has less gravity. So the way

53:42

that we look is based upon our atmosphere

53:45

and our gravity and

53:47

how we interact with our planet. But if you have less

53:50

gravity, then it's like people

53:52

go to space, they lose density in their bones.

53:54

And that's always the issue with astronauts. They lose bone density.

53:57

So it's just like if you have less gravity, you bounce

53:59

it around. So these

54:01

niggas means because go the other way.

54:03

Yeah, Like here's that movie I

54:06

was listening to day.

54:12

I was listening to a daily podcast

54:15

not too long ago where they were talking about

54:17

astronauts going to space and

54:19

how like they're they're not

54:22

actually like astronauts

54:24

are coming back essentially like sick

54:27

and not not sick, but just sort of

54:29

less healthy than they were

54:31

if they stay too long in space,

54:34

and it is sort of like the now current

54:36

concern that they have with like

54:38

can we sustain life outside

54:40

of this planet because of the

54:43

loss of bone density, because of all

54:45

the negative effects that space

54:47

sort of has on the body that they

54:49

weren't preparing for and don't really

54:51

know how to counteract just yet.

54:53

And so to that point, to be able to

54:55

exist outside of this planet means

54:57

that you can't really be taking on a

55:00

human form in the way that we expect

55:04

these things to look. And that's really just us

55:06

being ego maniacs and being like.

55:08

I really look like me.

55:09

I mean, that's but that's why it also feels like it's

55:12

fed down from the government, right, It's

55:14

like that's why it feels like it's a red herring, because

55:16

why would it be similar to us?

55:18

But anyway, I also

55:20

think that it's just like it's

55:22

not completely unfeasible that

55:26

a biped movement

55:29

isn't because it's just like, I

55:32

mean, right,

55:34

like if you look like you know, there's other animals

55:37

that are bipedal, and it's not a lot of animals,

55:39

but that.

55:40

It seems like the least effect.

55:41

It does feel like the least effective, Like

55:43

they don't even know why we got bipedal, like why

55:45

we stood up right.

55:47

And so, but because we

55:49

stood up, we were able to, you know, make TikTok.

55:52

So it's like there's so

55:54

many things that got created just because of how our

55:56

bodies are. But like if we have stayed like

55:58

if we have stayed in that the

56:00

evolution before us, where

56:02

you're like, if you look at how other

56:04

animals evolved and how other animals didn't

56:07

evolve, like the horseshoe crab was the least

56:09

evolved animal on the planet, but then you

56:11

look at sharks, and sharks have survived

56:14

multiple extinctions of other like

56:16

multiple mass extinctions, and they

56:19

haven't evolved as much as

56:21

other animals.

56:22

So yeahficient, that's

56:26

an efficient body style, right.

56:28

It's just like we did the thing and we in

56:30

the ocean.

56:31

It works this year.

56:34

I'm glad you brought up the ocean because part

56:36

of what I was sort of like curious

56:39

about as we were talking about this, if we're talking

56:41

about aliens and the ways that they take on different

56:44

forms, is how often we're

56:46

discovering new species out

56:48

of the fucking plant, you

56:50

know what I mean, the ocean specifically,

56:52

and like even just as of

56:54

February twenty seventh

56:57

of this year, national geographic

56:59

public articles talking about meet the

57:01

newest walking fish, a bright

57:04

red creature out of Chile

57:06

that basically is like a red, tiny

57:09

little motherfucker that walks on its

57:11

fins and it looks insane

57:14

and silly and they're just now

57:16

finding that thing. And so the idea

57:18

that that may not have come

57:21

originally from this planet seems

57:24

just as feasible to me as

57:26

these ten foot alien

57:28

things whatever, you know what I mean

57:30

that like our understanding of

57:32

it is we don't know, And

57:35

that's sort of my point is like we don't

57:37

know where any of these things come from,

57:39

and so bipedal not bipedal,

57:42

it all seems like we're just making

57:44

up stuff to comfort ourselves

57:47

more than actually like land on real

57:49

evidence.

57:50

When you look at science. Science was just like

57:53

why are we here? Let's

57:56

start figuring shit out, because like I

57:58

always think about like I've always been interested in herbalism

58:01

because it's like because

58:04

you've ever been to like a Chinese herb shop or

58:06

like one of those places where it's just

58:08

like, okay, this is what's wrong with your body. We put

58:10

these things together, boom, this

58:12

will help. But also it's hey,

58:15

we put. But if poison ivy

58:17

touches you, it'll take you

58:19

out. You can eat one plant

58:21

and get better, you can eat another plant and

58:23

die, right, and then

58:25

this plant is food, but this plant ate food. It's

58:27

fruit, but you can't eat it. And so when

58:30

I when you look at just the diversity of plants,

58:32

and you look at the diversity of like different creatures and we're

58:34

still going to the bottom of the ocean and

58:36

finding all kinds of things.

58:39

If Earth itself has

58:41

so much diversity that it

58:43

only makes sense that off Earth. But it's just like remember

58:46

as a kid when you learned about those like bioluliness

58:50

and animals that that look ugly, angler fish

58:52

that they lily their bodies had to create

58:55

life so they could see other

58:57

motherfuckers to eat them, right,

59:00

And it's like if if a species

59:02

can adapt to create light in

59:04

the depths of the ocean, it's

59:07

like, you know, maybe there's some

59:09

creature that just was like, listen, I

59:11

just want a baby fat jacket, And where

59:13

am I going to be able to get this? I just

59:16

want to see, like I know I'm another

59:18

from another planet, but these give

59:22

bus I know, Okay.

59:25

It's baby fat jacket. He goes head in hand.

59:27

You know what that girl you know, maybe that's my mo. Mom

59:29

never got me a baby fat jacket because she don't want me out here. I

59:31

can like reckless cause those girls always had liploss al

59:34

the type party sail and always got pregnant high

59:36

school.

59:36

Yeah, baby fat, baby fat

59:39

is for fast women. Listen,

59:42

Oh, don't laugh like I'm saying something

59:45

crazy. I'm enjoying the joke.

59:47

What do you want for me?

59:48

Okay? But

59:51

I can't laugh for you.

59:52

You just want me to sit here and look dumb. What

59:54

do you want? That was funny.

59:57

I want there to be I want

59:59

I want there to be a I want us to

1:00:02

I think, But I would say

1:00:05

one I think is also ego, like those

1:00:07

are they they have those movies. Whenever they have those movies,

1:00:10

where's just like the aliens have come and take over.

1:00:12

I also think that's ego as well, because.

1:00:17

Might be trash compared to other planets.

1:00:19

But look what white but white people are writing those stories.

1:00:21

But look what their ancestors did when they found

1:00:23

a new place. They didn't try to cohabitate.

1:00:25

They took the fuck over. They didn't

1:00:27

go, hey, what y'all doing over here? We got

1:00:29

on a boat, we got think we want to fall with the eggs of fucking

1:00:31

aren't kind of find out it was mos niggas on the other

1:00:34

side. Oh yeah, we breathed

1:00:36

and y'all died to just fucking take y'all over. If

1:00:38

you come from a group of people who, as

1:00:40

soon as they met another group of people took the

1:00:42

fuck over, then of course

1:00:45

they're assumed in the same

1:00:48

way, like the ego, the ego of being

1:00:50

by you know, being a biped and standing

1:00:52

up straight and having those features. It's

1:00:54

of course if new motherfuckers

1:00:56

get here, they want to take over if we have, and

1:00:59

take over take what we have. But I'm just

1:01:01

like, we could be

1:01:03

an awful this could be we

1:01:05

could be a hood.

1:01:07

We might be a hood. Yeah, planetary

1:01:09

wise, we're killing it. That's like

1:01:12

a bad That's a bad sign.

1:01:14

Earth is ghetto because if

1:01:17

you think about it, if I was

1:01:19

an alien just off to looking at how

1:01:21

we treat each other and we know

1:01:23

where motherfuckers come from, I would

1:01:25

be so afraid to tell humans that I

1:01:27

was here.

1:01:28

Also, you come down here, the water's all

1:01:30

dirty, the air's all dirty.

1:01:32

This shit is like Rockaway Beach.

1:01:34

Bro and as someone who

1:01:36

was taking that place and I was afraid to. I

1:01:39

wouldn't get my knees, I wouldn't go past

1:01:41

my thighs because I was worried about

1:01:43

getting that water on my hua.

1:01:45

Oh yeah, don't fuck with city water.

1:01:47

I'm literally not friends with the person anymore

1:01:49

who took us to that beach because I said where we wanted

1:01:51

to go, and we ended up there. There

1:01:54

was a pamper and a sandwich that floated

1:01:56

past us, and I was like, I am never gonna

1:01:58

speak to you.

1:01:58

Can you tell me that's not the hood in our

1:02:01

most famous city.

1:02:02

That's the water. I hope i'n't related.

1:02:04

I hope it was a sandwich and a

1:02:07

pamper that didn't know each other.

1:02:09

That's my hope.

1:02:10

I mean they did the scene related because

1:02:13

one was just wrapped because it was they were both wrapped

1:02:15

up. It was like a sandwich that was wrapped on

1:02:17

the cellophane, so it looks like someone lost their

1:02:19

lunch. Literally like not through it, but it's like,

1:02:21

oh it got away from it. A wave hit me on the

1:02:23

sandwich is gone. And then the other one

1:02:25

was just a horrible individual who threw a pamper

1:02:28

into the ocean because it was wrapped

1:02:30

up like that.

1:02:32

To that, I say, don't go into

1:02:34

the ocean with a sandwich.

1:02:36

Yeah, I don't think you gotta do all that New York

1:02:39

sandwich.

1:02:39

I'm just like where we put it, but

1:02:42

it was like wrapped on, like sitting on a piece of cellophane.

1:02:45

So it was like on a piece of sky refall, then sandwich

1:02:48

and then cellophane and then like a price tag.

1:02:50

All that being said, ultimately,

1:02:53

I think that there is aliens and they don't

1:02:55

want this trash ass plenty.

1:02:56

Honestly, if I was aliens, I would walk like somebody

1:02:59

was like if they were, and they would roll their windows up

1:03:01

when they roll past Earth.

1:03:03

I think if I could land this

1:03:05

plane, I think we're all in agreement

1:03:07

that the aliens likely exist, and

1:03:09

they certainly exist in forms

1:03:12

that we don't understand. We're certainly

1:03:15

there's a possibility of them existing in a

1:03:17

form that we don't understand, and certainly

1:03:20

them appearing at the mall

1:03:23

in Miami is unlikely

1:03:25

but not impossible. We don't know enough

1:03:27

to understand what their choices might

1:03:29

be, and we celebrate any aliens

1:03:32

that might reveal themselves to us in

1:03:34

whatever form they may take.

1:03:35

Is that is that fair to say? I think so.

1:03:38

I would say, aliens, if you are listening to this

1:03:40

podcast, if you are going to

1:03:43

reveal yourselves to any group of people

1:03:45

on the planet Earth, I don't recommend

1:03:47

going to the white people first.

1:03:49

Hmmm, or second, or

1:03:52

ever.

1:03:54

Just for safety, let's make sure

1:03:56

we decide who they should go to first.

1:03:58

Who do we think aliens objectively

1:04:01

should go to first of

1:04:03

the various races on the planet. And

1:04:05

we can go by country, we can go by race. It's

1:04:08

it's your continent. Go

1:04:10

okay, go to continent. Which continent

1:04:12

should aliens show up to first?

1:04:14

You're like South America. That's just what my

1:04:16

gut says.

1:04:18

I don't even have a reason.

1:04:19

I don't even have a reason, just what my gut said, Like,

1:04:22

if they just show up, it might't you peat you anyways.

1:04:24

Yeah, honestly,

1:04:27

I think one shout out

1:04:29

to Polynesia and Melanesia,

1:04:32

because Melanesia is.

1:04:33

Really on a place that was your first middle name, right.

1:04:37

Yes, yes, Polynesia

1:04:41

was my first middle name. And then my mama was

1:04:43

like, I don't fuck with Chick fil A like that.

1:04:46

That's a poor choice.

1:04:50

I feel like if they went to like

1:04:53

Polynesia first, like

1:04:55

your Tongua, your

1:04:57

Fiji.

1:04:59

They're already to ten feet.

1:05:00

All first of all, already Easteride.

1:05:03

You know, they already know what we're dealing with, right, I

1:05:06

think going to them first.

1:05:08

I think them first, and

1:05:11

then like American black people.

1:05:14

Mmmm, I

1:05:16

think, well that's the thing.

1:05:20

Hold, I didn't say no,

1:05:25

I wouldn't recommend it.

1:05:26

I'll be honest.

1:05:28

I think I think Christian Jesus

1:05:31

has gotten a hold of us in a way that makes

1:05:33

it real complicated.

1:05:34

If aliens showed up.

1:05:36

I'm gona, but this is what I have to say.

1:05:38

It's I really feel like that niggas

1:05:42

will see them and be like, yo, these white folks from

1:05:44

murder them. Let's just give them a second,

1:05:46

a little because it's like, it's not like we're gonna I'm

1:05:49

not gonna say we're not gonna be afraid of them, but I see what

1:05:51

we will do is take the time to go, listen,

1:05:53

let me tell you about these white folks because y'all think y'all

1:05:56

nobody watching. I'm not gonna say we can't

1:05:58

be dangerous. I'm saying we're the ones to

1:06:00

best educate them as

1:06:02

to why they shouldn't be

1:06:04

dealing with the whites. And then it'd be like, Okay, now

1:06:06

y'all got to get the fuck up out of here, because my grandma said,

1:06:09

y'all can say so. I

1:06:11

can't. When it comes to letting

1:06:13

them know what's really going on in this fucking planet,

1:06:15

I don't think so. Like the nice greeting

1:06:18

polynesia, but like, okay, bitch,

1:06:20

let me tell you what the tea is, and nothing but the tea.

1:06:23

Honestly, I would tell you just get the fuck off

1:06:25

this planet. Bro, don't meet nobody

1:06:27

else, I respect, don't

1:06:30

talk to nobody else.

1:06:31

I think I do think we'll be

1:06:33

great at warning them. I

1:06:35

don't necessarily know that we'll be great at

1:06:38

assisting them beyond the warning.

1:06:41

No, no, we won't. We won't. We're going to tell

1:06:43

them here's the tea, get the fuck up

1:06:45

out of here, because we're

1:06:48

all gonna murdy.

1:06:49

I'm about to quit this job too. Like

1:06:52

I think, get

1:07:00

us.

1:07:00

The fuck up out of here, because I remember Baron Vaughn's joke

1:07:02

where we're just like the word like like

1:07:05

like all these racial slurs and be like, you know, like you

1:07:07

take an adjective and just put a nigga behind it, right,

1:07:09

and he was like, if we really wanted the people to come

1:07:12

together when the aliens come, He's like, we

1:07:14

could just band together and kill these space

1:07:16

niggas. And that's what they were called, aliens

1:07:20

niggas. It was an amazing

1:07:22

joke. But yeah, we would warn them and tell

1:07:25

them to get the fuck on, and then some of us would be like,

1:07:27

can we come to We don't

1:07:29

want to be nigga. I'll lose

1:07:31

my bone density to get the fuck up out of this bitch. I don't

1:07:33

care.

1:07:35

I gotta like where my bones are at.

1:07:37

I didn't

1:07:41

say I wanted to go. I said other niggas would want to leave.

1:07:43

But I think we would warn them and then be like, Yo, don't

1:07:46

talk to nobody else on this planet, and they're

1:07:48

going to anyway. But I'd be like, Yo, get the fuck up

1:07:50

out of here, like this is a bad neighborhood.

1:07:52

Well, I think we did it.

1:07:54

I think we nailed this. Do's

1:07:56

they could you tell the people where they can find you on what

1:07:59

cool shit you got going on?

1:08:00

So I'm on al Gore's Internet

1:08:02

on dualsaysloan dot com

1:08:05

and then I was just hosting the Daily Show this

1:08:08

week, so you can catch up on that. And

1:08:10

then I've got my website Duelsaysloan

1:08:12

dot com and on the tour dates. And i have a lip

1:08:14

gloss company with comedian Lace Larabee

1:08:16

called Yoggle Gloss. Well you can buy

1:08:19

that. And my book Hello Friends,

1:08:21

Stories of Dating, Destiny and Day Jobs, you

1:08:23

can get at bookstores, you can get

1:08:25

online, and it's available on Audible.

1:08:27

And I read my book.

1:08:29

Hey, hell yeah, Bory,

1:08:32

what you got cool?

1:08:33

Got jokes eighty seven on Instagram.

1:08:36

Go to patreon dot com backslash

1:08:38

David Bori for all things relating

1:08:40

to my new special. It's free,

1:08:42

you know, got paid for the Patreon Just

1:08:45

come on. I got clips, I got interviews,

1:08:47

all kinds of stuff leading up to the release

1:08:49

of the special. Go check that out. Latch

1:08:51

Royal Crackers on Max and shout

1:08:54

out to everybody out there five eight and above, hey

1:08:58

and below. Thank you so

1:09:01

everybody.

1:09:02

Yes, shouts to humans

1:09:05

And as always, you can follow me on

1:09:08

iced Tea's Internet at legston Kerman. I'm

1:09:12

happy to meet you

1:09:14

on all platforms. And

1:09:16

if you want to send us your own drops, your own

1:09:18

conspiracy theories, if you want

1:09:21

to prove to us that aliens

1:09:23

have shown up at your mall. Send

1:09:26

it all to my Mama pod at gmail dot

1:09:28

com. You can get merch at Mamma told

1:09:30

me dot merch table dot com. Come

1:09:32

see us live May fifth.

1:09:35

The dat is coming up soon. Will be at the

1:09:37

Comedy Store for Netflix. Is

1:09:39

a joke seven pm show,

1:09:41

great guests, fun, silly

1:09:44

time, shenanigans all around,

1:09:46

a bunch of shit talking and it'll be fun and

1:09:50

like subscribe, do all the things

1:09:52

that you're meant to do to make this podcast

1:09:54

a thriving, successful,

1:09:57

poisonous thing that we push

1:10:00

into your brains every week. Uh,

1:10:02

that's the whole shebang.

1:10:04

By bitch, I don't give a fuck.

1:10:06

Who'll say what?

1:10:07

Blood on crip.

1:10:13

The government babes, I

1:10:16

grow chips in your names. All

1:10:19

Koala bears are racist. The

1:10:23

whole stal layer, Hostle, money

1:10:27

and turkey stuff. I

1:10:30

can't tell me govern