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This is a Global Player original

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podcast.

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Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes

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To The Need. My Therapist Goes To The Need. With

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me, Doug Williams. Joanne McNally.

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We're delighted to be back after a two week break. I

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missed you. Joanne didn't miss any of us. I did.

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I

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did. If I say it like that all day. I did.

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I'll tell you now, being

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on holidays, because you know the way holidays

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are, it's hard to switch off

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properly when you're on a holiday. But

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one of the great things was, and just

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to give it some context, I was touring in Australia,

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so I wouldn't usually holiday in Australia because it's like,

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obviously, do you know what I mean? You holiday in Benidorm, you don't holiday

0:57

in Australia from here. It's too fucking far. Anyway. But

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because of the time difference in Australia, you

1:03

have to switch off because you're like, I can't speak to anyone.

1:05

Like you'd be quicker

1:06

contacting people on a Ouija board. Yeah. Like I

1:09

send a voice note in the morning. Someone else

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replies that night. It's literally impossible

1:13

to work. It's amazing. I have to say the time

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difference worked quite well for me and you, I

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think. It did. Yeah, it did.

1:20

And like, but the thing I do

1:22

envy you going on holidays because I don't get left

1:24

alone on holidays. Like no one leaves me alone

1:26

ever. There's not a day in my life that

1:29

anyone leaves me, except, you know what? Weirdly enough, bank

1:31

holiday Mondays, people leave me alone.

1:33

Why? Where do they go? I don't know. They just, everyone

1:35

disappears on a bank holiday Monday. Your children disappear on

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a bank holiday Monday? Oh no, they're always there. That's what

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I mean. So I'm

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staying in Vogue's now, right? I've basically moved back

1:44

into the basement where it all began. Yeah.

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And it's all done up now though. It's a lovely basement.

1:49

It's a gorgeous basement. It always was a lovely basement. But

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like, there's just so many people. I

1:53

don't know how you do it. I know I say

1:55

it all the time. I don't know how you

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are around that many people.

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that much. I just don't understand. Well, like

2:02

my kids are there all the time. They live there full time.

2:05

Alan was like, Joanne, if you tell me one more time

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about how hard it is to spend so much time in my

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company, he's like, I'm going to throw myself

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out of things. Well, Alan's unusual that he doesn't read a book

2:14

by the pool and he just stares at you. Like that would, that

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would be, I'd feel, Alan, what

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are you going to do for today? Are you going to get a magazine?

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What's the plan? Because

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I have a book, see, it's got words

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and I'm going to read the words for the day. And he's like,

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no, I'm just going to, I forced him

2:30

to get a magazine. I forced him. I was like, please,

2:33

he bought GQ magazine. Does he not just

2:35

like complete Instagram? I was like, just fucking buy

2:37

woman's way. Anything Alan, please.

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I love Alan. He's amazing.

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You're trying to read. And then like,

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look, it's not like I'm not, I know I'm not reading like

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an academic paper, but I have to, it breaks

2:48

your concentration. And I'm lucky with spending

2:50

because he's

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such a lazy bastard that like he will literally

2:53

lie down and he'll nap all day. I wouldn't hear from him.

2:55

Alan's either staring it off into

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the distance or complaining. It's you.

3:00

Remember, what is it? You, I was onto on the plane. I

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think it's my friend Nancy. I was always

3:03

snouting someone and I looked back,

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I looked and I saw his seat was empty.

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I said, oh fuck, he's gone to complain about something. And

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he had, what is he? He got a serial

3:12

complaint. He's a serial

3:15

complainer. What was he complaining? I'm like, you're,

3:17

you're a Karen. Like, it should be

3:19

me. I'm the white woman. You're

3:21

Karen. What was he complaining about in the plane? He'll

3:24

be embarrassed. So yeah, our

3:27

seats weren't close enough together. What

3:29

do you mean? And I was like, you were,

3:32

you know, because I got, but

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he's like, they're not, they're not close enough together.

3:36

Well, Adam was up the aisle. The

3:42

thing about you, I'm coming to say, I'm

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saying that like, you're not here. You are here. It's cause you want the Joe's

3:47

in the room to Joe and Joanne. Uh,

3:49

like you kind of disappear and do your own thing. Like I don't

3:51

know. You were like, Oh God, I don't want to drive you mad after a while. I'm

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like, I barely seen you since you walked in. I

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find myself creeping outside your door and I'm like, if I hear

3:58

noise, I'll knock

3:58

on the door and see if I can go in. I don't

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know how I turned into such a loner. But

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I think it just happened slowly

4:08

over time. And now I'm a massive loner. She fucked

4:10

off for breakfast on her own. That's one of no invite for

4:12

me. I did say to you, I loved

4:15

the Battersea Grill. I've been fantasizing

4:18

about going back for breakfast in the Battersea Grill. Where is

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that? Gorgeous. The Italian restaurant. It's

4:22

not really an Italian. I think they might, but

4:25

it's just real gorgeous, basic

4:28

rock hard golf ball eggs on

4:30

just one piece of bread. Like I just

4:32

really love it. So I was excited to go. But like,

4:34

I think from doing stand up, from being on the road

4:36

doing stand up, I've just developed

4:38

this kind of

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lonerism that I, I find

4:42

it hard. I don't, yeah, and I can't shake it

4:44

now. She's a Billy No-Mates, but I'm a Billy Need

4:46

All The Mates. I'm a real Billy No-Mates,

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yeah. I can't bear it. Like I can't bear it.

4:50

I'm really worried about going on tour with you. Now I have

4:52

actually, I've decided that I'm going home as quick

4:55

as humanly

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possible after every show because I just don't

4:57

want to be ignored for the day. You're going to have to bring

4:59

someone else. I need to go and have attention.

5:03

She'll leave me at like 11 o'clock every night and

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then I won't see her. I won't see her at all. I'm making

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plans. Anyone in Wales. I need to

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address this. I need to have friends in Wales. If

5:12

I know anyone in Wales, I don't even need to know you. If anyone

5:14

would like to go for lunch in Wales, please

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mail in. The DMs are open.

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But I need a friend. No, I think it's

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because you adopt your circumstance and

5:25

your circumstances that you have a

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family

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and your house is quite busy

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and there's always people coming and going. Like I

5:32

was in the house the other day when I arrived in and

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there were so many people staying that I was like, has

5:36

she built another floor that I haven't seen? Like

5:38

where's Spencer's mum? Where did she sleep? She's

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like, I stayed over last night. I was like, where the fuck did

5:43

she put you? No, as many as mum didn't sleep in her house. I was like,

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Spenny's mum lives across the bridge. Oh, sorry.

5:48

Alexander was there for dinner and he won't be coming

5:50

back because he was slagging off my potatoes.

5:52

You shy bank. They

5:54

were awful. They were terrible, but I'd cooked them the night before.

5:58

Anyway, I would like to know. You

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were in Australia for six weeks? Yeah.

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I'd like to know what your favorite thing about Australia is. Oh

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my God. The food

6:06

in Australia is... So

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not the people, not the people. Oh, the people

6:11

are wankers. But the

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food. My

6:15

God. I think I only met about three Australians.

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It was mostly, it was obviously all Irish. Irish,

6:20

English,

6:21

New Zealand. There were Australians actually at the

6:23

show, a couple of Americans, but it was primarily...

6:25

Irish, yeah. It was primarily Irish. English,

6:29

Welsh, Scottish.

6:32

Yeah, that was the vibe. But the food,

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I fucking can't get over it. I know, it's pretty good. I

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thought the food over here was good.

6:38

You go into like literally a deli

6:41

and you're like, oh, sorry, another Michelin star meal.

6:43

Like, what's up? Me and I went

6:45

in for a burger. The burger came out in a bell

6:47

jar. There was like a team of people carrying it out like

6:49

a king's throne. And then the burger

6:52

was black and they took it off and all this smoke. It

6:54

was like Cher coming up from the stage. Everything

6:57

was just amazing. Like

6:59

I was taking photos of food, which I never

7:02

do. I did notice a lot of that in your Instagram. It

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was... I couldn't get over the quality of the

7:06

food. And of course, it was a lot of food because again,

7:08

Alan has to eat

7:11

every 20 minutes. Now

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I'm with him on that. I have to eat every three hours where I feel

7:15

very sick. The cutlery's going down. He's like, so

7:18

when's the next one coming? I'm like, I fucking

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can't. I love eating too. I really

7:22

do. I do love eating. I really do. I

7:24

like to know just what I'm having for every meal. I like

7:26

thinking about it and knowing. It's just tasty. I'm like,

7:29

where is it going? Where

7:32

is this all going, this food? Well,

7:34

he's a fast metabolism, obviously. So that's where it's going. He's a

7:36

very fast metabolism. And I told him, can

7:39

you metabolize down at the hotel lobby, please? Because

7:41

you can't

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be metabolizing in the fucking hotel

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room. You can't know. I've been through this before,

7:46

Alan. You metabolize in

7:48

the lobby downstairs. I

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remember when I went away with an ex before. Like

7:53

we went and we were there for three days and

7:55

I saw the toilet. It was one of those glass doors,

7:57

like, you know, and it's a glass. And I'm like, why?

7:59

I don't know how to do that. No one wants

8:02

to be able to look out into the bedroom. But someone's

8:04

metabolizing. You want to metabolize in peace? We

8:07

had the same thing. So we went on holiday. I

8:09

had a week off at the end of the tour and we went to Port Douglas,

8:11

which is absolutely amazing in Queensland.

8:13

And we booked into our hotel, which was a full blown catfish

8:16

hotel, right? So we stayed for a day and

8:18

then we're like, do you know what? It's just not what we thought. Like

8:20

they fucking face tuned to that hotel. Oh no.

8:23

I wanted to get in there with Sif and like a wire

8:25

brush and a Brillo pad. Actually Sif and a Brillo pad

8:27

would have turned that place wonders. It was,

8:30

are you still fucking working for Brillo pads?

8:32

No, not anymore. Surprisingly,

8:35

they haven't come back. Beep that

8:37

out. They're not getting that for free. Anyway,

8:40

so we

8:41

were in the catfish hotel and like

8:44

exactly like you say, the

8:46

toilet door was like

8:48

a shutter.

8:50

Oh no. A shutter. No. I

8:52

was like, why don't you just put up a set of beads like they did

8:54

in the seventies? Like, can I have any privacy

8:57

please? No, no. So that's where I

8:59

said, Alan, the reels are we metabolize in the

9:01

lobby and but Alan doesn't care about the reels.

9:03

And so if he disappeared friendly at the time, I'd be banging

9:06

on the door, but he fucking metabolizing in there.

9:08

It's unacceptable to do that. It's unacceptable.

9:10

Especially with the amount he metabolizes. Spenny

9:13

wouldn't give a shit. And he is a very, he is a vast

9:15

metabolizer. There's a lot of that going on every

9:17

day. He

9:19

metabolizes a lot that way. Just,

9:23

I don't know. There was just so

9:25

much just digestion going on.

9:28

The

9:28

whole holiday was just, there was just a lot of digestion.

9:31

So I flew back to, flew home

9:34

and I had to spend, I had to spend a night in Heathrow.

9:37

I didn't have to, but Alan was getting a flight the next day. So I said,

9:39

look, I'll hang out with you, blah, blah, blah. And then it was due to

9:41

go to Vogue's house the next day. Right.

9:44

Before you start telling lies, you're supposed

9:46

to come to my house at two o'clock in the afternoon.

9:49

Well, I will give the details. Okay. Okay. And I'm going to finish

9:51

them off if you're lying. It's due to arrived at,

9:54

I do tend to change

9:57

my arrival time. Without telling you, by the

9:59

way. And I put, did tell you because I know that you like to

10:01

know arrival times and so I said

10:03

look I'm gonna be in your is that a rock 12 of Prox

10:05

and I was like look it's gonna be started 12 it did

10:07

yeah it's like it's gonna be a Prox 2 it's gonna

10:09

be 2 a Prox now meanwhile

10:12

I was on my own in a hotel room with

10:15

a bottle of peanut-green doing

10:17

a Q&A on the gram and I said

10:19

it's gonna be a 6 o'clock of Prox

10:23

and then

10:25

my

10:28

story's and she's like you're not coming are you so

10:30

I'm going it's gonna be an 8 o'clock of Prox

10:33

arrival time and then Vogue said do

10:35

you want that's too late you can't fit this 8 o'clock

10:38

you were talking

10:39

a Prox 9 I

10:42

was right it was gonna be a Prox 10 it was 9

10:44

going on 10 it's like no no no by 10 I'm 8

10:47

I don't want to have to worry about someone getting into

10:49

the haze a Prox 10 is too late I

10:51

was half caught at that stage all I heard was rejection

10:53

rejection rejection but sure I

10:55

was only 3 or so I'd already paid for the hotel for the night she

10:57

was absolutely locked as well and

10:59

she's like no actually I'm having a great time I

11:01

was having a ball and

11:04

I did well I

11:05

was watching her stories being like yeah that's not her she's

11:07

not coming over here no no she's

11:10

looking at the mess in the room I was like no

11:12

I did the stories

11:14

stories are so they're so weird

11:16

because you feel like such a wanker doing them but

11:18

the reason I started doing them was because there was a lot of people

11:21

were asking me a lot of similar questions about

11:23

just Dubai show was

11:24

pulled and all this drama right and I felt really

11:27

bad and I felt like I hadn't communicated

11:29

properly what was going on that's how it started but

11:31

then I was like yeah I bloody love Botox and

11:33

I was like yeah you saw that on one of

11:36

the guys I've spoken to you by at all and

11:38

it was then it's

11:39

the next morning you wake up and you're like oh

11:42

you're like oh check

11:44

the Q&A but it was actually fine but I

11:47

wasn't you were only two glasses in I did

11:49

lose obviously your followers dropped no fucking

11:51

cares

11:51

what I have to say. So your followers dropped mine never dropped on question

11:53

time well you've got a million you probably can't

11:55

tell no I can tell I can tell but some

11:58

because we don't keep trying to follow

11:59

However,

12:01

when it's a visible drop, because

12:04

of the stories you've been doing. Because you've tried

12:06

to speak to people as your true

12:09

authentic self. She started out really

12:11

serious as well. Well about the shows,

12:13

this is happening then by the end. She's like, yes, can you

12:15

rise or all the jobs? She's

12:17

had too much wine. Yeah,

12:20

I don't know. I just think... I

12:23

used to do them kind of regular...

12:24

Well, not regularly, but... I

12:28

do enjoy your question times.

12:30

I love to during lockdown, I like to own them.

12:32

I'm going to have a question time today. I want to do

12:34

it. Do you have a fucking question time? People need

12:37

to hear what you have to say. No, they all want to know like

12:39

colour tan and when and stuff. Come on, I want good questions.

12:41

Oh, you do get

12:42

asked a lot of the same questions, of course you do, yeah.

12:53

I think I'm an introvert. Is that too much

12:55

to say? Well, all I'm saying is when you get home tonight,

12:57

if you dare go into that bedroom, that's it, we're

12:59

finished. Is it exactly where I'm going? No, you're not. I

13:09

miss that grim hotel in Heathrow. Go

13:11

back then, fuck off. It was

13:13

really grim. I know it was grim. I

13:16

could see that jizzy fucking

13:18

throw. And by everyone maiming me about that new

13:20

show on Netflix, where

13:23

your mind jizzed into a pillow, I told you,

13:25

I told you that's what happens. What's this do? There's

13:28

some show on Netflix, it's called Obsession, Louisa told me to

13:30

watch it. Oh, I've heard about it. It was

13:32

terrible. I watched like a tiny bit of it.

13:34

Bad sex scenes. But your mind was like jizzing into a

13:36

pillow in a hotel room. I

13:37

told you that's what happens to the pillows in the throws. You

13:39

did in fairness. I did. You warned

13:41

them about that. And I'm still getting if letters

13:44

about letters. Sorry. She's

13:46

getting. Sorry. A pigeon dropped off a letter

13:48

to her earlier. I'm back from the future. I'm back from Australia.

13:51

I arrived

13:51

in a de-or-land. What they're called? Delore. Delorean.

13:57

I just, I just beamed

13:59

down. DeLorean outside folks. I

14:02

got out my white lab coat. I was like, Oh my God,

14:04

that was mad. You don't look unlike that doctor.

14:07

How dare you? What's

14:10

his name again? Marty. Now that's the other one.

14:12

Doctor. Doc. Oh, Doc. Okay.

14:15

I wouldn't mind, but we both, it was so funny

14:17

being involved, like the fucking, the

14:19

vanity, like, I mean, they look, I

14:21

actually would say I think we have a healthy amount

14:23

of vanity. I don't think we're at the top. Like in the world in

14:25

a minute. We're not always up in the air. It's like, you know,

14:28

we're Spencer has an unusual amount of vanity.

14:30

Yeah. It's like, it's borderline strange.

14:32

Yeah. Well,

14:32

I think, yeah, I think,

14:35

I think Spencer is just a very, he's

14:37

just very self assured. Watch him.

14:39

Watch him now that you're back. Watch him. He'll

14:41

just start pulling up his top. He'll look at himself.

14:43

So he'll pull up his top and just look like, just check that

14:45

his tummy's still there. Yeah. No, I've seen him do that. Yeah.

14:48

It's kind of frightening. I think there's two types of vanity.

14:51

I think there's a type of vanity where you genuinely think

14:53

you're the hottest thing ever. So you'd quite

14:55

enjoy that. And then there's the kind of vanity

14:57

that I think I have, which is

14:59

that you think you don't think you're attractive.

15:02

So you're always trying to improve your face. Yeah.

15:04

Yeah. So anyway, when I go off the long

15:06

haul, I straight into Dr. Tammy

15:08

Thomas for the laser

15:10

de-bloating lymph things. I'm sure

15:12

who's like here getting laser in the room next to me? The

15:16

two of us on Insta. Horing

15:20

ourselves. Well, the problem was Joanna

15:22

and I asked me about it. And I was like, fuck her. She's not looking

15:24

better

15:24

than me. And the lady was like, I

15:29

was only in there last Thursday. So

15:33

funny.

15:33

Sheck and Vogue

15:35

stories. And I was like, the

15:38

two of us in the clinic getting laser. I'll

15:40

tell you what, I was there one week

15:42

and your mum was like, they do facial

15:45

hair laser as well. And I was

15:47

like, well, I get your mustache. And I was like, well, now that you've mentioned

15:49

it, it's like, I probably think you should. Whatever about

15:52

your mustache, which I don't.

15:54

You love my mustache. I think it's, I think it's

15:56

character. I've said it before. can

16:00

really contribute to Movember. Is that still a thing?

16:02

Movember is still a thing. I don't think that's

16:04

a lot of money from Movember. I do. I do. But

16:06

I had as we all have. I don't have

16:12

chin hairs if that's what you're gonna say she checked. Are

16:14

you gonna say that? That's not what I've heard. I

16:17

have no chin hairs. Okay. I

16:19

won't tell you what happened. I love that that's your line. That's

16:22

your line. We've finally reached. She'll talk

16:24

about absolutely anything. She

16:27

went. Maybe you don't have a chin hair. I

16:29

know. You can look. I have no chin hairs. So I

16:31

have. As every

16:33

woman has. I think. It's a vogue.

16:36

That one fucking chin hair. That's

16:38

like rope. And

16:41

it doesn't grow slowly. It's

16:44

disgusting. It's absolutely

16:46

disgusting. Joanna's wine dribbles

16:48

are fall down the chin hair. It's

16:50

just one wiry chin

16:53

hair. And

16:54

most women I know have it.

16:56

So when you grow up you'll get them to one

16:58

hair. And like I say it doesn't grow

17:03

slowly. It just appears one day you've just got

17:05

a rope hanging out of your chin. And they're

17:07

so strong. Right. And

17:10

anyway I kind of popped up that

17:12

day when I went in to get the

17:13

facial and I forgot to get rid of it. And

17:15

I could feel her. She's massaging.

17:17

Oh no. And I wanted to go. You

17:20

know the way it's like if you've got a big spot in your face

17:22

you want to go. And you can see someone looking at it. You go look

17:24

I know I've got a spot. You can see her kind of like struggling

17:30

to get over. I

17:32

don't know what it is. It's one chin hair. I asked someone

17:34

to laser it off for and she was like I can't. She's

17:36

like I'm worried that I'll damage it in moral color. I

17:38

don't know. It's a shared

17:40

female experience. I worked in a nursing

17:42

home. I saw what happens when you get older

17:44

and you can't take care of it. And then there's a

17:46

nurse shaving you. No. I'll

17:48

always look after my mom if she gets chin hairs. I

17:50

will. I had that. I told you that whole thing about

17:53

my facial hair when I was pregnant. Like

17:54

it was really bad. I remember you

17:56

talking about the makeup there like the her

17:58

rubbing your chin when I asked you. trying to put on my

18:00

makeup, like, like it would just be all stuck

18:03

in my beard. Did you not dermoplade

18:05

yourself? I had to dermoplane. I had to. Cause

18:07

I saw that picture myself. I went in to get ear piercings

18:09

off, um, Maria Tash

18:12

and they're like, Oh, let's take a picture of your ear. It looks so cool.

18:14

And they show me the picture. They're like, can we post this? I was like,

18:17

absolutely not. Like I've got a fucking beard.

18:19

Her name's Maria Tash. Of course she's going to encourage

18:22

that sort of behavior. She's like,

18:24

it's very on brand for us. I literally

18:26

ran home and I was like, why did

18:28

you not tell me this? And he was like, well, what am I supposed

18:30

to say? You've got a beard. Yes.

18:33

Was it just kind of down the size? No, it

18:35

was like full. Like it was just so

18:38

much blonde hair. And I did have trouble putting on my foundation,

18:40

but I just, I looked past it.

18:44

I looked past and I was

18:46

like, it couldn't be that bad. It was. It's so

18:48

funny. So the girl who does my makeup,

18:50

Sue Brophy, who's like a fucking

18:53

hair makeup wizard, the

18:56

last time she did

18:58

my makeup, she was like, oh, you shaved. And

19:00

I was like, what? Yeah.

19:02

Well, I did a bit of derma-bage. Because yeah, remember I

19:04

remember I was saying, you need to get that done. And I was like, no,

19:07

which goes, Joanne, I told you, you

19:09

needed to get it done. Did someone do it for

19:11

you? Did you do it yourself? They did it for me when I went in for

19:13

a facial. They just kind of derma-baged the side. But she was like,

19:15

I'm always trying to tell people to get it done. Like she's

19:17

like, Irish women are really slow to get it done.

19:19

I know, but I didn't know you were meant to get it done by somebody else. I

19:22

bought those cheapo little blades

19:23

off of now I'm always cutting myself. Those

19:26

blades off. Oh yeah. I have to go out. This

19:30

I've got a German plate once a month. It's a bit it's

19:32

kind of just baby fluff hair. It's

19:34

fluff. But your makeup goes on so much nicer.

19:37

And then the one rope that pops out. It just

19:39

pop. There's no

19:40

there's no. I've got another rope that comes

19:42

out of my merrily, merrily and fairness. Yeah, I've

19:44

got another little very it's a it's

19:46

a gold hair that comes out from my right.

19:49

And again, there's no warning. It's suddenly

19:51

seven

19:52

inches long. You're like, where the fuck did that

19:54

come from? Oh,

19:58

oh, anyway, anyway. So I

20:00

was going to live. Well, I

20:02

was just exhausting. I

20:05

didn't know if I was actually going to bring this up, but it's just, you

20:07

reminded me there saying being alive. I saw

20:09

this thing on Instagram the other day, right? And I think, I think

20:11

it was on lad Bible, Ireland or something. There's

20:14

this like tribe, but they,

20:15

they basically just live on the eight skirts of a town.

20:17

Like they're wearing like Nike and stuff like that. That

20:20

kind of try. I'm

20:22

immediately nervous. Okay, go on.

20:24

So anyway, they have a tradition.

20:29

Where they dig up the debt like every

20:32

few months. And like, there's all these pictures of the

20:34

bodies and they're basically treating these dead skeletons

20:36

and putting fresh clothes on them. But

20:39

then they've got all these children around looking at them

20:41

and like, it's like to show them that death is fine, but

20:43

they're dragging these bodies out of the ground and like

20:45

washing them and putting clothes on them. Well,

20:47

I mean, I'm fond of awake myself

20:49

neighbors. I know when I put them in the

20:51

ground, I leave them there. Are you going to bury

20:53

me in a suction bag? No, I'm going

20:55

to kill you in a suction bag and then bury you as

20:57

I wish. Take you out for summer.

21:00

Yeah. I'm going to stick

21:02

a Henry the Henry, the whoever thing right near God, so

21:05

call the life out of you and then kick you into the garden. I've

21:08

told you ever since I've been on safari, I have no

21:10

fear of death.

21:11

There

21:14

was a really funny thing I saw on the internet about the people

21:17

reviewing coffins was so funny. Like,

21:20

Oh, five stars would die again. Like, I'm going

21:22

to be like, Oh, I'm going to be like, Oh, there's someone

21:25

else's like three stars fell into the bottom

21:27

of it straight away. You

21:29

know, I had to put me back in. It's still

21:31

dead. Not happy.

21:33

When I did steps back

21:35

lunch, they had, they used to look after

21:38

like small businesses, like a love of small businesses.

21:40

They all these gorgeous small businesses

21:42

on. And one time they had this coffin

21:44

man on and he brought all these coffins on

21:46

that like he would decorate these coffins for people

21:48

in like some of them were like in the, in

21:50

the pride flag, like amazing looking

21:52

coffins. But I just had a quite bizarre, very

21:55

niche market. I suppose that's not true. It's

21:57

not everyone's your market. Debt

21:59

and time. your two deafness

22:02

in life are death and taxes and people,

22:04

they like to be Instagramable. Like when I die,

22:06

I wouldn't mind your design on my coffin. You

22:09

want to be trending. That's

22:11

actually quite true. You could be known for your coffin.

22:13

You'd be glitzy and glitzy. I

22:15

don't know if I'd be glitzy. I'm not really a glittery person.

22:18

Imagine you were in a Diamante coffin. I'd scream

22:21

laughing. I wouldn't mind gold and Diamante. That's

22:23

a bit of me now. Yeah. I was in Dublin

22:25

last week. I flew home for a DJ gig and

22:28

you know. Tell me. So

22:30

I flew home for a DJ gig and actually

22:32

the people I was working with were very, very nice.

22:34

Like they really looked after me, but

22:35

I went into the bar, which is an amazing, they've

22:37

done up the odiant basically. Okay. And

22:39

it looks amazing. But like, usually I

22:41

don't mind DJing cause I'm hiding in a DJ box. So

22:44

like my dancing is really minimal.

22:46

But they

22:48

had me in the middle of the floor. The

22:50

DJ box was literally just in the middle of the floor. So I

22:52

had to do full on dancing, like legs and arms.

22:56

Legs. Legs and arms. No.

22:58

Everything, but now I had brought runners up. You're not tour

23:01

of London. Why are you like legs?

23:03

But because I hadn't been out in the scene in so

23:05

long, where I haven't been around scene while people

23:07

get up to influencers nowadays.

23:10

Oh yeah. They had these lights on

23:13

their phones, like three times

23:15

the size

23:15

of their phone. These huge

23:17

big like square lights

23:20

that like, I mean, you looked magnificent. Like when they

23:22

were taking pictures. But like, I've never seen

23:24

them like that. They all had them on their phone, but one

23:26

girl

23:26

came up to me right. And I'm not joking. I'm

23:29

trying to be polite to people. And I'm

23:31

like, yeah, of course I'll get a picture. Five

23:34

times she came up because she didn't get

23:36

the right angle. For you or for her? For

23:38

her. She came back up to me five

23:40

times. Imagine cause I was happy

23:42

with that one, but you don't

23:44

know. You won't be good with that. I'll have to call

23:46

you again. But I couldn't fucking

23:48

believe she came up five times. All

23:50

about the content. I think when

23:53

you have photos taken with people and

23:55

it's their cameras out there in control.

23:57

I just, I just don't know. I don't think about it. I'm just

23:59

like.

23:59

Yeah, cool, no worries. Well, I always turn. Stick

24:02

a filter on it. Good luck. If it's a man,

24:04

I'll always just take the phone straight off him. I do. I'm

24:06

sorry. I know it's excess. Because a man will go

24:08

in. He'll go in under. Under. It's like he's upskirting

24:10

you, but he's not. He just doesn't know his angles. Yeah. Like under

24:13

like this. He's trying to catch you in here. You're like, kitchen hair is

24:15

like fucking blocking the lens. And

24:17

you're like, excuse me while I sweep it to the

24:19

side.

24:21

I just got to clip it off.

24:23

Hang on. Get a barber

24:26

in here, please. Have you got a barbie

24:28

bin? Like

24:32

why is her fringe on upside down? What's

24:34

happening?

24:36

And then other people I've

24:39

actually started, because it really upsets me when

24:42

it's like we're looking into pitch black. I'm like, just turn around

24:44

and face the window. Please face the window. Let's

24:46

see the window. Yeah. The light, the light must

24:48

be coming at you. Like,

24:50

do you know what it sounds like? And then

24:52

I'm like, whack a Paris, whack a Paris on that. I know. Like,

24:54

whack a Paris. But it's better so,

24:56

but that it, because then I'm telling

24:58

you, you get tagged in these photos and it's not good

25:01

for morale. I was like,

25:03

when, what the fuck? Oh my

25:05

God, I hate myself. I

25:07

got tagged detailing and I actually, I'm

25:09

so upset that I didn't save the videos

25:11

for you, me, Amber and my friend Megan sat

25:13

at home after the gig laughing at

25:15

the videos of me

25:16

dancing. Oh,

25:18

you should have saved them for us. It

25:20

was, if anyone has any videos of me, no,

25:22

actually don't. I wouldn't be able for it. It was so bad.

25:25

Actually, they slagged me so much that I was like, okay, no

25:27

more now. You're like, ha ha, oh

25:29

no, I'm crying. I'm

25:32

just laughing alone. Okay,

25:34

I can't dance enough.

25:43

We're on tour and we're coming to a town

25:45

near you. A town near you, Joanne, you see?

25:48

What are those towns? Dubai.

25:53

Here's where we, here's where we're going.

25:56

We've got tickets. We've got tickets for new

25:58

castle. Newcastle,

26:01

Cork, Glasgow. Salford,

26:05

Newcastle, Glasgow, Cardiff. And

26:08

also, if you can't get tickets off Ticketmaster, just

26:10

make sure that you go and check with the venue, because the venue

26:12

have their own tickets that they have to

26:14

sell. So if you can't get tickets for a show,

26:16

just make sure, go onto the venue website and you'll probably

26:19

be able to get them there.

26:20

And if you can't get them there, ring us directly. We'll

26:23

organise you to get the tickets. Do you

26:25

know what we've got? We haven't spoken about it at all. Bright

26:27

and dumb. Bright

26:28

and dumb. I did Pasako

26:30

there and it was great craic. I

26:32

love Bright and I think I might say that I... It's gorgeous.

26:34

The room is amazing. It's like this

26:36

really plush kind of velvety. It's a really big room. I'm

26:39

going to be in...

26:42

Boston. You're going to Boston?

26:45

I'm going to Boston. Boston

26:49

America? Yes,

26:51

Vogue. Funny you should ask. Boston,

26:54

Massachusetts? I'm going

26:56

to be in the Shubert Theatre. I'm sorry,

26:58

I'm going to be in the Shubert Theatre on Friday 12th

27:00

of May, 2023. That's just

27:02

great. If you can't get the tickets...

27:07

I hate myself. I absolutely hate myself. I'm absolutely

27:09

hate myself. Speaking

27:22

of influences, did you hear the story during the week

27:24

about that poor young one? I say

27:26

poor. We will

27:28

decide, obviously. But I do feel she

27:30

got a very hard time, of... She

27:33

was trying to buy someone there shopping.

27:36

She was trying to film. She

27:38

was doing it for TikTok or something. It's this

27:40

trend where influencers buy something

27:43

at their weekly shop as a paid forward

27:45

scheme. Then they fill them out and put it online. But

27:48

she was doing it in Balham, which is basically pot.

27:51

Yeah, Balham's pot. Do you know what I

27:53

mean? That's like trying

27:54

to do it in Brown Thomas and the Royal Times Centre in Ireland.

27:57

If anyone wants to film, I'm actually in

27:59

Brown Thomas. What am I talking about? They're

28:02

like, do you want me to buy that 600 grams sandro

28:04

drag? Actually, yeah, fucking, that'd be sound.

28:07

She was in Waitrose at one of these places, but no

28:09

one wanted to. Waitrose, like, I could

28:11

be factually incorrect there, but it was Sainsbury's. It

28:14

wasn't little. Sainsbury's is spinny as well.

28:18

Sainsbury's is like, it's up there at

28:20

M&S. Sainsbury's,

28:21

sorry, I'm a Joe and he's made of the

28:23

co-op, because I'm doing well these days, or he made of the

28:25

co-op. No flies on me, babe. Do you

28:27

know what, I will tell you, I was in the co-op and there's

28:29

a man in there who works out that I know, because he's beside

28:31

us, and my car didn't work,

28:33

and he paid for my shopping, and I just thought, and

28:35

he was working out, and I just thought, you're the nice man. I obviously went

28:38

back and brought money back to him, but he was just gonna pay

28:40

for my shopping and just let me have it, with his own card.

28:43

That's for a second, that he wants something from

28:45

you. Well, show me your knees.

28:48

He's certainly gonna kill me.

28:51

Show the listeners your knees. Tell me,

28:54

tell me, tell me. Anyway, so she was crying

28:56

then, she goes, I don't understand, I was just trying to do a good deed,

28:59

and then of course, everyone's kicking off, because they're

29:01

like, if you're gonna do a

29:01

good deed, don't be filming doing a good deed. Yeah,

29:04

what it is, people don't want you to film. It's like Jim

29:06

Carrey said, about if you wanna

29:08

give a homeless person a meal, give them the

29:10

meals. All this shit about people going filming

29:12

them, giving them the sandwich, I'd fuck a sandwich back

29:14

in her face. I know, but you know what I was thinking, because I really

29:17

thought about it, because I was like, I'm touring

29:19

on this, because she was genuinely trying to do a

29:21

good thing. She was, that's not what she was trying

29:23

to do. But she's doing something for her TikTok. Yeah, but

29:26

everyone, that's her generation,

29:28

right? It's like, does the fucking Pope

29:30

shit in the woods, does the tree say and make a fall? What

29:32

are those sayings,

29:33

do you know what I mean? Do you reckon the Pope does

29:35

shit in the woods? No, because I think that's what you can

29:37

say when he does the shit in the woods. Are you saying he metabolizes

29:40

in the woods? If the Pope metabolizes in the

29:42

woods,

29:42

and a tree falls, and there's no one around to

29:44

hear it, did he wear a Balenciaga puffer?

29:46

That is the question that everyone wants to know. It's

29:49

a Moncler, is it? You

29:51

look fab. Oh yeah, Jesus, thank

29:54

you. But anyway, but then

29:56

I was thinking, well, ultimately, the

29:59

poor Bob, were like no no and they were

30:01

getting really angry with her and everything and I

30:04

mean ultimately she is giving their daughter over to TikTok anyway

30:06

but anyway I was thinking back in the day when

30:08

we used to donate you'd get a little daffodil

30:11

and stuff so we always wanted people to know we were

30:13

donating as well and some people recycle their daffodil

30:15

every year just went around going look I've already paid

30:18

because they were too tired

30:19

to do it. All I'm saying

30:21

is you owe a lot of money to Trokra. Everyone

30:23

likes a bit of credit for their good work.

30:26

Yeah but we've spoken about this before about

30:29

like doing

30:29

stuff and being like God I hope people know I did that now. I

30:31

know there is a bit of performative cherishy

30:36

work going on because you do want people to know because

30:38

you want people to think you're interesting and you want people to think

30:40

you're kind and that's why people wear those fucking

30:43

festival

30:43

bracelets all yours. What's the

30:45

difference? Oh no, I hate that. Because they

30:48

want people to know that they went to class memory

30:50

in 1997. Should I tell you I'm going to class memory? Can you

30:52

believe it? I'm going to class memory.

30:54

I'm going to class memory. This

30:56

conversation is gonna go one of two ways. Are you performing

30:58

or going as a punter? I'm going as a punter. Al

31:01

Grante. Oh you got

31:03

a helicopter? Yeah. You are not.

31:06

I don't know if I got a helicopter. You're not going

31:08

in and a helicopter. Hold on, is this? I

31:11

found out right that I was going to class memory. I'm going

31:13

with James and Brian, two of our friends. And I got

31:16

so worked up and nervous about it that I had to go and take

31:18

a

31:18

beer ton to go to bed. Because I'm so scared.

31:20

Hold on a second. What's going on? You're

31:22

going to class memory. I know. I just feel like it's

31:25

a once in a lifetime thing. No, I'm just like why am I

31:27

going to class memory? Well because you're never around

31:29

I feel. No, I'm never around anymore. All

31:31

I know is I'm probably gonna like... What happens

31:33

if I get pregnant again? When is it? I'm

31:36

just happy I'm not pregnant this year. I'm gonna go and do

31:38

stuff. When's it on? The 23rd of June I think. Do

31:41

you know, this is like weddings. I won't

31:44

go but I'd like to be invited. Okay, I would

31:46

love for you to come to class memory with us. Thank you. I can't make

31:48

it, Sadie.

31:55

So Joanne obviously had

31:57

a black-out when she filmed The

31:59

Wheel. Did you have some kind of a blackout? An

32:01

embarrassment blackout. Why? What

32:03

is this about? So I, the Wheel of Gratia,

32:06

by the way, like I'm, I

32:08

love Michael McIntyre. Yeah. He's so

32:10

funny, but I did the wheel. So obviously if Michael McIntyre

32:12

asked you to do the wheel, I'm sure he doesn't just ask you to do the wheel.

32:15

I didn't hear from Michael directly, now I have to say, but it wasn't.

32:17

I didn't hear from Michael directly. I don't hear from Michael.

32:19

Michael's like, who the

32:20

fuck is that? But you

32:22

can be sure Michael asked us to do the wheel. Okay?

32:24

I'm literally straight into the GMs,

32:27

begging us, oh my God, Michael,

32:29

keep your shit together. You're embarrassing yourself.

32:31

Yeah. Chill out. Maybe I'll do it. I might

32:33

have time. Joanne

32:35

couldn't even remember who, you couldn't remember

32:38

your topic. So you obviously don't remember

32:40

everything else that came with the wheel. Sorry, sorry.

32:42

Just to say, because I just want it for professionalism,

32:45

blacking out would suggest there was alcohol involved.

32:47

There was not. What she's saying is there might've

32:50

been a

32:50

bit of embarrassment. Yeah. And

32:52

that I blocked out parts of the show, but I was like,

32:54

no, what do you mean? Cause then she was like, well, you

32:57

never told me about. You have

32:59

to just dance. It's a dance show. It's

33:01

a dance show.

33:02

That's all it was at the start. And

33:04

by the way, I felt quite sick on the wheel, now to be honest.

33:06

I don't remember dancing. Well,

33:08

I don't know how. That's all you did. Do you mean

33:10

when the wheels spinning and you go, yeah. But

33:13

there's another part where they film you and you have to dance

33:15

on your own with everybody watching you. I mean, Jonathan

33:17

Ross was watching me dance. Like I don't want him to

33:19

see me dance. I mean, I'm not being

33:21

bad, but I can't imagine

33:23

Jonathan Ross's fuller rhythm. Wasn't a bad

33:26

answer. I felt

33:28

like shouting across me like, Jonathan, please don't watch me. Please.

33:31

Turn

33:31

your back to me. Please

33:35

daddy stop watching me. And

33:37

I was on with somebody else who was in a pop band,

33:39

two pop band people. And I'm like, I'm watching them

33:42

dance before me. Two people from dancing

33:44

strictly come dancing. That's not fair now.

33:47

So, and then I was going, I'm like, honestly. They're

33:49

like diversity. Next up, folk Williams.

33:50

Did

33:54

you do your hip hop that you liked doing from back in the day? Oh,

33:57

I was just didn't like, oh God. It was like, I was trying

33:59

to just. and then like, please don't sing to the words

34:01

in case we don't use this song. And then I was like, why? I've

34:04

got nothing. I just have

34:06

to try and do some dancing. You're like,

34:08

give me a bloody glow stick. Give me something.

34:10

I'd never needed a vodka

34:11

more in my life. I was like, if I had had two

34:14

vlogkas before this, I'd be grand. I would have been

34:16

a really good dancer then. But it basically is a

34:18

dance show. I don't, I just

34:20

don't really remember. I don't, yeah, I don't

34:22

know. Where did you come in? It was over a year ago that

34:24

I did it though.

34:26

I was running out of glass with

34:28

her.

34:33

I should have told her it was vodka. She'd

34:35

go to actually be raging. I was in a mansion.

34:38

A mansion! She was like, oh,

34:40

well done. I'm like, I'm sad for you. This

34:43

is for you. Oh, wow. What a

34:45

great thing to do. I love to see.

34:48

I love to see. I love this for you.

34:50

This is about, this is about,

34:51

this is about, this is about. One

34:54

of the questions on that enjoyable, when I,

34:56

when I look at my little history and DNA.

34:59

Was this girl was like,

35:01

here, have you ever been done for plagiarism? Because

35:03

I will meet next week and I'm shitting it. It's

35:06

like, well, funny you should ask. You

35:10

got done for plagiarizing your essay for that. So I

35:12

got accused of plagiarism in

35:14

college in my final year because, because

35:16

I'd repeated so many years at college.

35:19

I had essays that I repeated so many years ago. Well,

35:21

I kept remembering my three year degree in seven years.

35:23

What? Why? Yeah, because I just kept dropping

35:25

out because I was just so immature

35:28

that I just

35:30

saw the world. I didn't know

35:32

what I, I didn't want to be. I'm worried. Wait,

35:34

wait, wait. Or it's just what everyone does if they just. I know.

35:37

But I wasn't failing them. I just wasn't sitting

35:39

them. Oh, OK, OK, OK. Because

35:42

I was too, I was actually, you know what? I was too

35:44

proud

35:45

to fail. So I just stopped because I was like, I

35:48

wanted to do well. And I just knew I wasn't going

35:50

to do well because I just put no work in. And I didn't

35:52

want to graduate because I was scared of the real world. So

35:54

I didn't know what I wanted to do. Well, I will

35:56

say I don't agree with exams at

35:58

all. Like I was not an exam.

35:59

I was quite clever like throughout the school

36:02

year and when it would come to exams, I'd like flop. It

36:05

is a lot of pressure. I don't think they do it anymore.

36:07

I think now it's all this kind of constant. Yeah,

36:10

I don't like that pressure. What's it called? Constant

36:13

George? What's it called Jo? Constant?

36:15

I know what you mean.

36:16

Constant school, constant. It's

36:19

consistency in school now where there really

36:21

wasn't an Arctic. Continuous

36:23

assessments. Yes, that's one Jesus point. Oh my God,

36:25

we got them. Cut out all the crap that makes us stupid there,

36:27

Jo. God. He's like,

36:29

we've got three minutes. The

36:34

wheel. Yeah, I just

36:36

remember I really liked my outfit. What

36:38

was your outfit? I had this like heavily

36:41

studded. Do you remember

36:42

that denim jacket that H&M wore? You

36:44

have one as well. And then like skin tight,

36:46

pleather, flares. Oh, that's good. I

36:49

actually wore a very Joanne outfit that

36:51

day. The full pink, like a neon highlighter.

36:54

Full pink, what? Joanne and I are doing the Late Late

36:56

Show and we

36:58

showed each other, each other's outfit in the cards. They were

37:00

literally gonna look like that stabolo highlighters.

37:05

I

37:05

don't know if we can wear those outfits. Like,

37:07

we're Patti and Selma, we can.

37:10

It's like when Cheryl, who I

37:12

love, remember Cheryl turned up in America.

37:14

Well, I forget. And the purple, orange,

37:15

and blue turquoise outfit. It

37:17

was iconic. I don't know who did it

37:19

to her. We don't know how it happened. But someone

37:22

stitched her up. There was too much block coloring.

37:25

Anyway, I don't know what we're gonna do about the Late Late. Someone's gonna

37:27

have to think

37:29

about the right for it again. It's gonna be

37:31

a stare off on the day. Well, the

37:33

problem is I don't give a shit if I go on like a highlighter.

37:35

Drew, you care, I don't.

37:37

I do, the tree, wait until you see the two,

37:39

right? It's me. Well,

37:41

ask Ryan, can we just sit very far apart? Let's

37:44

bring them some sunglasses too. They

37:47

are like little highlighters.

37:49

I was in the American Embassy the other day trying

37:52

to get a visa. What a big,

37:54

big building, right? Big

37:56

building. And I, in my

37:59

naivety. I thought I was just going to make

38:01

an appointment like the post office and go in. And

38:03

they were like, oh, Joanne, Carol, a desk nine. We'll

38:05

see you now. Carol, a desk nine.

38:07

Yeah. How long were you there for?

38:09

I wasn't a fucking sniff of that. How

38:12

long did it take you? Two hours.

38:13

That's not that bad, isn't it? Two hours.

38:16

I don't think so. But it's just gone a lot again. And, you know, it

38:18

was in the queue and I was like, do you know when you recognize

38:20

someone was like, I know him, I know

38:22

him. He's famous. And he had the

38:25

air of fame about of his values, you know, they're

38:27

kind of like they just, you know, the way they have

38:29

confidence to it was racking

38:31

my head. And then I was like, it was your man, Louis

38:34

from One Direction, I think.

38:37

Pretty sure. Little dude. Good looking.

38:39

Oh, I wouldn't really fancy Louis now to be honest. That's

38:43

him. Really? I met Louis from One Direction.

38:45

Well, would we say me? Yeah. OK. So

38:48

what you're saying is you and Louis from One Direction are great. Now,

38:51

your math, get Harry's number from me. I give

38:53

him a twirl. And

38:57

what was it going to say to you? Oh,

38:59

yeah, no, it doesn't matter. Actually, I don't think I would give Harry

39:01

a twirl. I'm joking about it. I don't think I would. I'd

39:04

give him a twirl just to scab his jumpsuits off. Yeah,

39:07

that's true. Actually, I'd like a little

39:09

great style. I'm adding on into his wardrobe.

39:13

I'd love it. We're probably about the same

39:15

size as well. Same height. Did

39:17

you watch anything to do with the Mac Gala? So the

39:20

Mac Gala. As

39:23

we know, I find it hard to

39:26

care and I don't think I'm alone in that.

39:29

This year was entertaining

39:31

because of

39:33

the cat. Well, it wasn't meant to be

39:35

about the cat. It was actually meant to be about

39:37

Karl Lagerfeld. But it was really about his

39:39

cat. It was about his cat. Shoe pet.

39:42

Shoe pet. Shoe pet. That's a nice

39:44

name. Good looking cat. Fair. Well, I mean,

39:47

it's Karl Lagerfeld. He's not going to have a minging cat. No,

39:49

he won't have a rotten cat. But

39:52

he's not into Montreux, are Karl? No,

39:54

he's a real thing about Montreux, actually. And

39:57

he's a real thing. I wouldn't

39:59

say Karl. It

40:00

was like an absolute turn himself.

40:02

He certainly wasn't. Excuse

40:04

you, Carl. He wrote out a diet book in 2003, which

40:07

now just would not be published. A diet book.

40:10

That he just didn't eat. A diet book, Carl Largafoss. The

40:13

only liquid he consumed was Diet

40:15

Coke. He drank nothing else, no water, no coffee,

40:17

no nothing. He says he drank it all day and all

40:20

night.

40:21

And then his big, his big splurge. I didn't even want

40:23

you to eat. His big splurge was an

40:25

extra piece of toast. Like it's all just,

40:27

look, you know, it is what it is.

40:30

He's, anyway, it doesn't matter. It wasn't really

40:32

about Carl Largafoss. As well as Kat Shepette.

40:35

That Kat turned 11 last August. Do you want to see it for his

40:37

birthday? It went in a private jet and had champagne.

40:40

On a private jet. So, but it obviously

40:42

balloons and champagne. Licked champagne off

40:45

the ground. The Kat was gifted 1.3

40:48

million by Carl upon

40:50

his death. And now, and also by

40:52

the way, has its own modeling deals. So it makes its

40:54

own money as well. The Kat makes its own money.

40:56

It's a nepo Kat

40:57

and there's no glory in that. And

40:59

also with that Kat needs to check its privilege.

41:01

Cause that is disgraceful. I

41:03

know. All I heard about was that there was human

41:05

beings dressed up with cats. It was like a celebrity

41:07

crux for cats. I know, but you. I

41:10

should know who was who. And I was like, these are all going to go missing now. It's going

41:12

to be missing cat posters all over. Wherever

41:14

it is now tomorrow. When they're all face down

41:17

with their own vomit drugged out of it and some party.

41:19

Jared Leto. Which one's jealous? I'm not that, to

41:22

be honest. I'm not really jealous now. Do you

41:24

know what, right? 50 grand to take it by the way now. And

41:26

Lizzo says they're real scabby on the biz. You

41:30

don't get, you don't get booze or stuff like that.

41:32

They don't want you to scabby on the biz. Someone

41:34

came up to her. She says you're just queuing for ages

41:37

to get this photo on the red carpet. And then

41:39

you get on and then you come off. They go, do you want a glass of red?

41:41

She's like, I want a fucking bottle of tequila. Like, yeah.

41:43

So it's a real tight on the booze and the food.

41:46

No point in that. I did see

41:48

pictures of the food and I'm just not, I'm not interested

41:51

in that shit. I went to what's at

41:53

the CFDA's or the CDFA's, the fashion

41:55

awards in New York. And we

41:57

went and it was in, it was a, Tom Ford was hosting.

42:00

and I was absolutely thrilled to be gone with

42:02

Sven. And we went and the

42:04

food was just so shit. I

42:06

thought, are you really giving me three fucking leafs

42:09

of salad here?

42:09

Like, I'm not into that. Don't bother.

42:12

I guess it's all, I mean, if Anna Wintour is

42:14

organizing an event, it's not gonna be full, it's

42:16

not, there's not gonna be chips. That's bullshit. It's not gonna be chips

42:18

and nuggets. Just give nice

42:20

food, though. I just can't understand. Do you know

42:22

Anna Wintour is not. We invoked, I wanna go to the Mac

42:24

gala. Yeah, there you go. You know that

42:26

we, and you're on board with me, one thing we're

42:28

not a fan of is self-indulgence. Yeah.

42:31

And so we sometimes have to check ourselves, and

42:33

it's not a bit self-indulgence when we spoke about that. We

42:35

do try to check ourselves. I'm sure we don't always get

42:37

it right. Yeah. With the Mac gala to

42:39

me, all that celebrity stuff, especially at

42:42

the moment, I don't know why. It just seems so

42:44

put down hell. I'll tell you what, though, the Mac

42:46

gala, like, I'm telling you, even looking

42:48

at them, I'm actually not, like,

42:51

I'm not interested in, I wouldn't, no, I wouldn't wanna go.

42:53

I'm telling you what, that is boring. It

42:55

looks so, it looks so fucking boring. It is 100% boring,

42:57

and it's 50 grand a ticket. Like,

43:00

where does that money

43:01

go, by the way? That's the thing, they're not spending it on the biz.

43:04

No, they're not for the food. So where's it going? Oh, hold on, it's

43:06

going to the Mac gala. Oh yeah,

43:08

it's going to the Mac. It's going to the Mac.

43:11

It's going

43:14

to the Mac. They're lying in their pockets, it's going

43:16

nowhere. Ah.

43:19

["I'm Not A Man"] Anna

43:24

went towards going out with Bill Nighy. Well,

43:27

they made their red carpet debut at the Mac gala.

43:30

Who thought? I think he's, I think

43:32

he's got a, I think he's sexy. There's something

43:34

sexy about him. Yeah, I'd say. And look how happy

43:36

she looks in the face.

43:37

I've never seen her look that happy. Of course Anna

43:39

went towards smiling away. I'd say her fella's strung

43:41

out in the biogram. All men take it eventually.

43:44

It's just part of the aging

43:46

process, but maybe he's not. I

43:49

mean, he is, allegedly.

43:52

Oh, come on, of course he fucking is. You

43:54

don't know that for sure. I was going out

43:56

with this level, and we went into this camera, and I

43:58

was like, you don't even.

43:59

and he goes, yeah, I know, I just want it. Like,

44:02

so, and he didn't need it. He really

44:04

didn't need it. So I've

44:06

never, yeah, I've never tried Viagra

44:08

with anyone. I have.

44:11

You've done it yourself, sure. I, I

44:13

got nothing off and I don't have to say. Well, that's strange.

44:16

Yeah. Well, it might be to do the fact that you don't

44:18

have a dick. It's not working, it's

44:20

not working. How dare you

44:22

assume I don't have a dick. The thing

44:24

with Viagra is from my

44:27

personal experience.

44:31

In women, Viagra could increase blood

44:33

flow to the female genital area, including

44:36

lubrication. Fucking hell, maybe I'm going to try some. Including

44:39

increasing lubrication and aiding. I

44:42

don't, I mean, I, I don't know. I didn't,

44:44

I don't know. I mean, do you really want to spoil and

44:46

labia for the day? The problem with the Viagra

44:49

is. I kind of would actually, yeah, because I think that

44:51

like, that makes it look younger and nicer. It's

44:55

so plump. Look how plump your lips

44:57

are. Are you wearing glasses? The

45:02

fact, the problem is the lad doesn't,

45:03

he doesn't finish. There's no,

45:06

like he, he goes and goes. Oh, it's a never, oh

45:08

no. And I'm pretty sure I was

45:10

with the lad in Viagra once and he faked

45:12

it, which I was very surprised at. Like, it's

45:14

like, hold on, that's my job. Yeah. What the fuck?

45:17

I think he faked it because I

45:19

think he, I think he faked it because, well,

45:21

it won't go into the details, but I just think he did.

45:23

Because I think he was also bored.

45:26

It's like, this is going on hours now. It

45:29

does get to a point though, where it's like, no, I've

45:31

had enough now. But then he wanted to go again.

45:33

And I was like, anyway, whatever. It doesn't matter.

45:35

The point is it goes on and on and on and on and on for days.

45:37

I've only got three minutes of me. And if I'm on top two,

45:40

oh, listen, I'm like, I need a handrail

45:42

up there now. Like, don't leave me

45:44

up there. I

45:48

need someone pushing me from the back. A

45:51

handrail to keep me going. Sometimes,

45:53

when he does,

45:54

he's lifting me up and down, because I've obviously

45:57

lost movement to my legs. I'm

46:00

like, I can't. I need to go on.

46:03

I actually need to be put on a track. Two

46:05

knees on a track like ski electric so that

46:07

you can move easier. Because it really

46:10

is like, Joe, it is tough work. It's

46:12

like doing a squat. It's tough work up there. You're

46:14

squatting. You're doing what's so called a squat

46:16

pulse. Is it a squat pulse? We're

46:19

squat pulsing and we're tired.

46:25

Thank you very much everyone for, I'm too loud to be back. I'm

46:27

actually really happy to be back. I

46:29

really am. We've missed you. Do

46:31

you know what? It's so nice being back

46:33

in the studio. I don't know. When was

46:35

the last time we were in the studio? A long

46:38

time ago. Is it years ago? Say goodbye

46:40

already. Sorry. Say goodbye. Do

46:43

I have anything else to say? I

46:46

hope not. I don't

46:47

know. Thank

46:59

you.