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Hello, I'm Ken Bruce. I appeared as a

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guest on my time capsule, and

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after that I had to give up a job I'd had for 46

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acast.com. Hello

2:06

and welcome to my time

2:08

capsule. My

2:14

name is Mike Fenton-Stevens and I'm the man who

2:16

at the moment has the 100 day cough. So

2:20

I apologize for my voice. Still never

2:22

mind, we'll persevere. My time capsule

2:24

is the podcast where people tell me five

2:26

things of their life that they wish they

2:28

had in a time capsule. They pick four

2:30

things that they cherish and one thing that

2:32

they'd like to bury and forget. My

2:35

guest in this episode is the

2:37

comedian, actor and writer, Hugh Davis.

2:40

Who with his confident stage presence,

2:42

dark humour, surreal material and

2:44

his one of a kind customised keyboard strapped

2:46

to the front of his body, Hugh has

2:48

quickly risen to become one of the most

2:50

unique acts in the UK. After

2:53

reaching the finals of the Lesser Square

2:55

Comedian of the Year, Amuse Moose new

2:58

National Comic Award, Hackney Empire New Act

3:00

of the Year and the Musical Comedy

3:02

Awards, Hugh debuted his first show, The

3:04

Car Park, at the Edinburgh Fringe in

3:06

2019. It

3:09

was a complete sellout. It received

3:11

multiple five star reviews and an

3:13

Edinburgh Comedy Award nomination for Best

3:15

Newcomer. The show transferred to the Soho

3:17

Theatre and was featured as Timeouts number

3:19

one show to see in London. He

3:22

was given three extra runs following excessive

3:24

demand and has been filmed by the

3:26

LA based production company 800 Pound

3:29

Gorilla Records and has been released as

3:31

a special. Hugh appears

3:33

regularly on television, including his own

3:35

Channel 4 sitcom The Artist, which

3:37

he created, wrote and starred in,

3:40

as well as appearances on 8 Out of

3:42

10 Cats Does Countdown, Harry Hill's Club

3:44

Night, Rokes Battle, Jules Holland, Hypothetical,

3:47

Jonathan Ross's Comedy Club, Live at

3:49

the Comedy Store, Comedians Giving Lectures

3:51

and The Stand Up Sketch Show.

3:54

Hugh performs both in the UK

3:56

and internationally. He's also supported Phil

3:58

Wang as well. Joe Lysit on

4:01

their national tours. Hughes has

4:03

worked as a writer for Never Mind the

4:05

Buzzcops and Familab and is a

4:07

regular performer on BBC Radio 4's The

4:09

Now Show. He also co-hosts the live

4:12

podcast The Film Quiz with the brilliant

4:14

Nick Helm. So let's find out what

4:16

the unique Hughes Davis will choose the

4:18

pod in his type capsule. Who

4:47

they do a podcast with. Because you

4:49

want to pick someone who will make

4:51

the podcast more chaotic and more interesting.

4:54

But then the producer will always want someone that can move

4:57

the podcast along. Sort of like

4:59

an interviewer. Here I am. This is my job. But

5:01

who knew? Obviously,

5:05

Hughes. And I love the

5:07

fact that you're called Huge. Did you do that because

5:10

there was another Hughes Davis? Or

5:12

did you think, actually, this is

5:14

quite funny? No, not for that

5:16

reason. I started in my last

5:18

year of university. And I

5:21

kind of, because I knew I'd be bad at it, because

5:23

I'm bad at everything. In

5:26

my head, like stand up as you go to the

5:28

venue, and then your name is like in big lights

5:30

outside the building. I was like, in

5:32

my head, I just was like, oh, well, people

5:34

will know that I'm doing it. And then people

5:36

will come. And I had the thing

5:39

on my head of being like, at first it

5:41

was embarrassment. I was like, I don't want people

5:43

to come see me. And then also, it was

5:45

like a mix of things. Like I went on this huge,

5:47

which was just my nickname. I had in school, people just

5:49

got me huge, because it was similar to Hugh. And

5:52

then I was doing the gigs and it was, no

5:54

one knew me. And then after a while, I was getting

5:56

with some people whose friends always came, and they would always

5:58

say they were good. That's

6:01

what happens if you have good friends. They

6:05

support you forever. Yeah. A best

6:07

friend will say you're really bad. Like a

6:09

best friend will be like, that boy you're going out

6:11

with or a girl is like a piece

6:13

of work. You should go out with

6:16

him. A good friend will never say that.

6:18

A good friend will just be like, well, I wish the best

6:20

for you. Like I didn't have strong

6:22

enough friends at that point to be like, what you're doing

6:24

is insane. So... I

6:27

mean, you do hope though eventually you'd just be

6:29

able to put huge up. Well,

6:31

I'd be honest. I just had the one name. That's it. Just

6:34

the one name. Yeah. I think

6:36

that's where you're aiming. Yeah. Why not?

6:39

Why not aim there? I mean, honestly, I've watched

6:41

because I didn't really know your work terribly well.

6:43

And I watched you with Harry because I know

6:45

Harry Hill and it was very funny. He's great.

6:48

You laugh a lot. Yeah, he's great. He's

6:50

a fabulous man. Yeah, he's wonderful. I

6:52

love him so much. He's the best. I love him that

6:55

you did together because you thought, I really like his work.

6:57

I'm going to join in with him. I

6:59

think there was a version that he'd done before.

7:01

Right. And then so literally

7:03

maybe like one week before filming, he was

7:05

like, do you want to just play with

7:07

me? Obviously.

7:09

Of course. Of course I

7:12

do. So yeah, that piece is

7:14

actually the piece that I'm playing on that

7:16

just really hard. But it's one of those

7:18

pieces that sounds really easy, but it's really

7:20

hard. Yeah. It's especially hard to

7:22

do when Harry's like next to you doing

7:24

what he's doing. And then also like for

7:27

TV and then also standing up at the

7:29

same time. So like I was, I'm playing

7:31

the song and that quite badly. But it's

7:34

because Harry was like, go fuck on a

7:36

bit faster. Go on. You need

7:38

to move on. And I was a bit like, I'm

7:40

not like a bit of a piano.

7:42

I'm not a classical pianist. I do my best. I

7:44

think it's what I usually used to be. I used

7:47

to be a straight pianist, but then I just, because

7:49

I was forced to do it as a child, I

7:51

was like a little prodigy. As soon

7:53

as you don't have to do it anymore. You

7:55

Know, when you learn French at school and

7:57

you're taking, you make a funny teacher. My

8:00

through other the soon as you leave and he got

8:02

a france. Your. I was an eventual I

8:04

now have the option to say every single day

8:06

the like I could have done seventy is my

8:09

god That was someone in that desperately trying to

8:11

teach me French. Yes, And

8:13

yeah, I was so terrified of

8:15

my fridge digits that and sometimes

8:17

was a struggle. Remember good morning.

8:20

A real of in France have a really

8:22

as my approach it as a seal the

8:24

terror rising me. It's

8:26

a terrible thing is if I stated thing

8:29

that was so terrified when he beat us

8:31

consider as well that would probably does. yeah

8:33

that would die from that I forgot about

8:35

that. You guys got beaten Darya as a

8:37

crazy crazy about what's your reflection on that

8:39

being been a school. I'm A.

8:41

It taught me how to avoid it.

8:43

Okay, five it is useful. Celica fist

8:45

a nation? Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. If

8:48

it as a suspect that I've discovered

8:50

that I could deflect things and it's

8:52

it's been useful in situations in bars

8:54

and things of that I'm quite good

8:56

at to sub needs slipping things other

8:58

people forget that they were getting angry.

9:01

Yeah. And I begun and I beat me

9:03

up again for so with cutting them for hims

9:05

spend more to I guess been outside much as

9:07

med I needed more of his assets are some

9:09

not arguing that is that it would be a

9:12

good thing to start beating children in school again

9:14

just for that this occasion. So you is the

9:16

free speech my podcast. At

9:19

Sf or does the people of on

9:21

of alone that a fellow my dad

9:23

woods one say about he would never

9:25

say that others less as a as

9:27

a as a vibe about him. Maybe

9:29

once a bug assistant right? a case

9:31

scenario at now so i watch that

9:33

but i also watched artists and i've

9:35

watched the first one on i was

9:38

so hooked and of so disappointed when

9:40

it ended ago and i watched the

9:42

final one they're not what a great

9:44

team of people they were all really

9:46

good at doing it yeah so very

9:48

gray are going to want to make

9:50

hurts because by that point i'd done

9:52

a p b city they and as

9:54

you know if you do anything on

9:56

tv it's all very it's even stuff

9:58

like comedies i scripted If you're

10:00

doing stand-up on TV, you have to submit a script.

10:02

You can't go off the script, really. And

10:05

I always find that in the TV recordings that I do, the

10:07

things that are kind of happening randomly

10:10

or like in the moment, that happen to

10:12

normal gigs every single day that you do. Never

10:14

make it into the cut. But those are

10:16

the bits when people are showing like, they're skilled,

10:19

right? They're skilled. Yeah, quite. And

10:21

it's the funnest part. That's why on Instagram, so many

10:23

clips of crowd work are really popular because they feel

10:25

really, at the moment, they feel like real. They feel

10:27

like in the room moments that can

10:29

only happen for the audience, right? Yeah. And

10:32

I was like, well, I want to do a show in which

10:34

it's like a lot of it was improved. So

10:37

I picked lots of people that I knew

10:39

were great when they're just sort of reacting

10:41

off their own instincts and really good like

10:43

physical kind of comedians. So

10:45

that when we were in the space and I

10:48

was like, well, so you're going to go out

10:50

and do you're going to be an escape artist.

10:53

You've got like half an hour to lock yourself up in

10:55

a box. You do whatever

10:57

you think is funniest in those moments. And

10:59

so when you're seeing the performances, that's pretty

11:01

much everyone is just there's no direction. I

11:04

just say, go away. And

11:06

you just think of something to do in that moment.

11:08

I've given you the beginning and the middle and the

11:10

end of what should be in that scene. And you

11:12

just do that. And so they would say like Paul

11:14

Neal, for example, Neil would just go into the square

11:17

and just put himself, knock himself in a box about

11:19

seven times. Yeah.

11:21

And then also the dialogue as well, like, because

11:24

we all friends as well, like we all I

11:26

know everyone in that sitcom really well. Right.

11:29

So it's like we would do one take of the

11:31

script that I read and then we would do like

11:33

one version where we would just like kind of improvise

11:36

as long as you have an end, you know, where

11:38

you're going. Yeah, I picked everyone very carefully for that

11:40

one. Yeah. I mean, they had

11:42

the fantastic skill of being able to improvise vocally,

11:44

but they also had that brilliant skill of

11:46

nowhere to shut up. Yeah. You

11:48

know, I mean, there are scenes where people just sit

11:50

on the bench and just watch, but

11:53

you can see them looking thinking, I don't agree with

11:55

any of this. Should I say something? No, I'm not

11:57

going to say. Yeah. And You can see

11:59

all that going on. The head is really great.

12:01

great stuff Ice know I loved it. And

12:03

you as I was on Channel Four is

12:06

that you can get it on a more

12:08

For Gandhi years of for yes or no

12:10

for I wanna say for a day a

12:12

may be psycho focus either to hate with

12:15

a rebrand eyes every around a fifth. Never

12:17

read I'm Sky was the Sky Max Mosley,

12:19

Evelyn Dismal is deployed ever spinning and acts

12:21

and everything as I swear like. I

12:24

think Executive Sigma latter Axis is really

12:26

cool. My Id the Axe and Max

12:28

and is it like. A Sex is

12:30

it like to the new had is it

12:33

is. It's Sachs to think and of Sachs

12:35

when you have a pick axe and you're

12:37

like maybe we could make Flora them sexier

12:39

or something similar vein and it doesn't occur

12:42

to them that what it means his past

12:44

yeah gods yeah. it's X Yeah, at a

12:46

certain that's what I instantly think of when

12:49

I'm habits and there's hardly anybody on Twitter

12:51

who doesn't still cool it. Twitter Yeah. but

12:53

space I confusing. Is. Very confusing

12:55

Other: I never I never understand why you

12:57

would rebound anything if I had a tv

12:59

show as on sky max I phone by

13:01

almost embarrassed below other person on the smaller

13:03

channel. As they haven't heard, I

13:06

know a thing on Sky was Scotland

13:08

and him I know the has. Yeah,

13:10

you do wonder how much money the

13:12

Bbc have spent over the years redesigning

13:14

the Bbc? Oh yeah right show. wife.

13:17

These. Are not just for the letters of we know

13:19

what they said for is worse by well. People's.

13:21

Of it because I thought that that's

13:23

the only thing that needs to say

13:25

the side step in setups. Anyway, it's

13:27

absolutely fabulous. It's unusual, what something and

13:29

laugh out loud on the rise by

13:31

much that I really am we were.

13:33

I went back. that's a that to

13:35

be filmed in Shoreham. I did a

13:37

pretty the. For my last shot

13:39

and then of his lox him. A. Lot

13:42

people turned up we filmed it completing

13:44

secrets that no one knew that it

13:46

was big Soma never people com and

13:48

people were acting mean the game. Without.

13:51

serving in that town gazette oh there's

13:53

lots of footage of random people the

13:55

and in the said com like by

13:57

overreactions you hang lot genuinely papal does

13:59

not look at us doing mad stuff for

14:01

the screen. So yeah, a lot of people

14:03

like in it and didn't really like know they were. I

14:05

mean, you're meant to get signatures of

14:07

every, so everyone that has to be in it has to sign

14:09

a release form. We kind of

14:11

because we had like this runner,

14:14

he would just go out and everyone they've just, we

14:17

kind of lost track of who we actually got

14:19

release forms from. So we were sort of like

14:21

hoping that we wouldn't get any calls in being

14:23

like, you take me out of your disgusting sitcom

14:25

please, but you're embarrassing me in

14:27

my hometown. But luckily no one's ever

14:29

written in. What's the name of the

14:32

actress who does the fantastic Pearl Harbor

14:34

improvisation? Oh yeah, Sinead. She did that

14:36

all by herself. I said to her,

14:38

it's amazing. Yeah, it's great. I said

14:40

to her, yeah, just do a one

14:42

woman show. And then we

14:45

picked like maybe three things she could have done.

14:47

Interestingly, in that scene, we were doing that. And

14:50

then on the day because where Sinead's filming it's

14:52

outside, you can kind of see it. There's like

14:54

a war memorial there. And we were worried about

14:56

that. And the implications of what because we, we

14:59

weren't making a statement about Pearl Harbor about

15:01

the anyway, it just so happened that day,

15:03

there was like a Memorial Day. And the

15:05

people were placing poppies down on the

15:08

memorial. Right. And we were like, we don't want

15:10

this to be a statement. But it's gonna look

15:12

like a statement because of the specific day it

15:14

was. And we had a very short space of

15:16

time to film her. It's all you know, we

15:18

only had three days to film the whole thing.

15:20

So yeah, we had like a specific

15:23

time for it. And it did feel

15:25

like a hate crime. And they was

15:27

doing this like ridiculous one woman show

15:29

of Pearl Harbor whilst up placing down

15:31

the poppies in a small

15:34

village. But

15:37

the callbacks, the callback on the bench,

15:40

when she says, I've got this Japanese bed. And

15:42

then she quotes it, you say that in the

15:44

show. She says, Yeah, yeah. And she said, you're

15:46

gonna do an axis nod. I was

15:48

thinking, I don't think I will. And just

15:50

the good choice. Yeah, yeah. Very

15:53

funny. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you

15:55

very much. Yeah. Well, I'm allowed to write those

15:57

little jokes actually. Yeah. Yeah.

16:00

you're listening I know it's fine yeah well

16:02

because as I know you come from Singapore

16:04

Thailand yeah all of these places all

16:06

of these other places no one knows where I'm

16:08

from no one knows where I'm from and

16:11

I'll never say I was

16:13

very tempted to go through this whole thing and

16:15

say what I'm here in Tumbridge Wells and that

16:17

every time I mentioned it change the place yeah

16:19

sure I think it's great throw your joke back

16:21

at you it really confuses people I actually went

16:23

on tour with Phil Wang and he

16:26

was like after about the fourth day he

16:28

was like you got to stop this because he was in

16:30

his show he was which is on Netflix now he

16:33

talks a bit about Malaysia and by me

16:35

just saying I'm from a different country every

16:37

single time he's like you're kind of undermining

16:41

I do afterwards which is quite important to me so I

16:43

had to stop I just stop all that to

16:46

shame and make me laugh a lot oh there

16:48

we are I've poured my praise at you

16:50

which I think is very much only justified

16:52

I appreciate that thank you no

16:55

it's a lovely thing actually when you get

16:57

somebody suggested to you would you like to

16:59

talk to this person and then you sort

17:01

of think well I don't know their work

17:03

and I didn't know your work at all

17:06

and and I love stand-up comedy so I'm

17:08

delighted to have been introduced to it it's

17:10

unique it's it's fabulous what you do people

17:13

say that a lot of people say it's quite

17:15

unique and then sometimes I feel like sometimes people

17:17

are saying it away they go it's very it's

17:19

two ways of saying it's ways if you think that you're

17:21

saying and I go like oh it's really unique and then

17:23

there's some people go yes very unique

17:27

just say didn't like it yeah it's

17:30

um it's sort of different isn't it

17:33

in what do you mean in the sense that it's not funny well

17:35

they could they go they try to find

17:37

a word it's like someone's you know your

17:39

clothes are very you know interesting yeah you

17:41

know or whatever it was you know that's

17:43

the sort of thing that people say when

17:45

they come backstage and you've been in a

17:47

really bad place yeah yeah the set was

17:49

fabulous I mean what a great set you

17:51

were great in that play you were so

17:53

good you were the best thing in

17:56

that play I I've got this and I got a

17:58

lot of friends who were struggling actors and now our

18:00

actors properly but the number of terrible players I had

18:02

to go see in you

18:05

know my early 20s I took on the like

18:07

oh man sorry I'm so sorry about this yeah

18:09

did you want to go to the pub for

18:11

drinks with a cost that's not to maybe because

18:13

then I have to have a conversation in which

18:15

they were the only good thing in it

18:19

yeah yeah yeah well that's why I love

18:21

stand-up so much is because you don't have

18:23

to do anything you know I've done a

18:26

few little roles on sitcoms and things and

18:28

often I'm there and I'm like a

18:30

human would never talk like this or this isn't as

18:32

funny like I'll just write a funnier version of it

18:34

and they go well no you don't you just write

18:37

what's given to you and I find that so weird

18:39

because you just write for yourself and you just mm-hmm

18:42

could you at this point I said trust what I

18:44

say is funny mm-hmm so when you get to a

18:46

set and there's like some director that is

18:48

just sort of like they're really busy you're like

18:51

well I can just take care of this I'll

18:53

just do my best for this for my two

18:55

lines I've got I can make the best out

18:57

of that yeah no you have to follow the

18:59

script I'm a stranger quite alienated you exactly what

19:01

you're told yeah I'm strange yeah but

19:04

when I say it's unique I

19:06

will also pay you this compliment that there are

19:08

moments in it that remind me of Stewart Lee

19:10

so that's just about the highest compliment I can

19:12

pay I think oh thank you that's

19:14

nice I you know why I didn't know that

19:16

until God really washed do it Lee right and

19:19

then there's a clip went viral on

19:21

Facebook it was the Harry Hill

19:23

one actually and the most like comment was

19:25

this is Stewart Lee but yeah

19:27

and then I was like oh it is a bit like still really actually

19:30

yeah that's brilliant that you developed it independently

19:32

not influenced by his performances well I guess

19:35

so yeah I was just a bit like

19:37

well I guess it's just grumpy yeah well

19:40

it is that thing of being annoyed with the audience

19:42

that makes me laugh a lot it's

19:44

their fault yeah you know particularly if they

19:46

don't laugh it's very handy

19:48

when they don't I

19:51

was saying to Nish Kumar a few days

19:53

ago he did my night and

19:55

I remember when we first get together I was

19:57

very new comedian and we both didn't do

19:59

well It was a charity gig and it

20:01

was just never really going well anyway. But

20:03

he was saying that when he's doing, because he's quite

20:06

high energy act, it was like, he has to put

20:08

more and more in. If it's going worse, he puts

20:10

more and more and more in. When you're like me,

20:13

it's like it's your fault. It's the crowd's fault because

20:15

it's gone over their heads. This

20:17

could be good if you were just smart enough

20:20

to understand what I'm talking about. Yeah,

20:22

absolutely. Very good.

20:24

So lovely. So we're going to

20:26

talk about five things you've chosen that you'd like to

20:28

have in a time capsule. And see what that review

20:31

is about you, if anything. Maybe

20:33

even where you come from. Well we'll see. I'm

20:36

a fan of myself. You just

20:38

say I come from Bathom, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

20:40

for sure. Yeah. Yeah,

20:43

so the first thing I want to put in

20:45

is this. So this actually

20:47

existed, but then no longer exists. But it's

20:49

a photo that I would take as a

20:51

bit Thor Park. So I was

20:53

recording this radio one series with my friend Andy

20:56

Field. It's called the Andy Field experience. It's actually

20:58

a really great sketch show. And

21:00

we were recording it in Oxford somewhere.

21:03

And we finished a day early. We'd

21:05

managed to record everything we needed to record. Andy was still there

21:07

doing, he was the main guy in it. So he was doing

21:09

lots. And they said basically, well you've got a free day. We

21:13

had a car and then we were like, let's just drive

21:15

to Thor Park. And

21:18

so we went to Thor, we were just having a great time

21:20

in Thor Park. We'd not been in a long time. And then

21:22

I got this phone call from an agent. And she picks it

21:25

up and she was like, are you ready for the meeting? I'm

21:27

outside the building now. I said, which

21:30

building are you at? And she said,

21:32

channel four, we're trying to fall for the

21:34

meeting for your sitcom. And

21:36

I went, oh. And

21:39

I was like, I don't know what

21:41

happened. Because I don't know why

21:43

it wasn't in my diary. It was definitely my fault.

21:45

It wasn't my agent's fault. It was my fault. Something

21:48

I must have not put it in. Because

21:50

that's very me. I'm never going to blame my agent on

21:52

something. Because she's so good at that. I'm like, no, it's

21:54

definitely me. And then she was on the phone

21:56

to me. And I was trying to stall to try and think of something.

21:58

I was trying to have eye contact. can't make it because, and

22:01

she was like, can I hear them, children

22:03

screaming? And I was like,

22:06

at this point I was on the Rumba rapids. And

22:11

it was like splashing, I was just trying to like

22:13

keep it. Yeah, I met my grand's funeral. Yeah, yeah,

22:15

I guess there's lots of children. Is it a

22:18

waterfall? Is it pushing

22:20

them off the Niagara or something?

22:24

And then we were going down and I was

22:26

kind of like, and also she's never angry. She

22:28

was like, she was the most lovely person. She's

22:30

not my agent anymore. She

22:32

retired a few years ago, but she was

22:35

the most lovely person. She was fuming because

22:37

I was like, she's like, are you at Thorpe Park? Oh,

22:39

yeah. I'm at Thorpe Park, yeah. And

22:41

she was absolutely fuming. And

22:44

she was like screaming on the phone and she was

22:46

like, what are you doing? Like, we've got this, I

22:48

put this meeting in, it's just such an important meeting.

22:51

Like, what am I going to say? I'm like, could

22:53

you say I'm like doing a film or something? I'm

22:55

not Thorpe Park. She was like, what are you fucking

22:57

think I'm going to say? And then she hung up

22:59

the phone. And then I was there on the right

23:01

and then like no one in the boat knew, so

23:03

everyone was having a great time. I'm just having like

23:05

a quiet conversation on the phone at this point on

23:07

the rubber weapons. The photo it

23:09

takes when you go around, we

23:13

came out and we like looked at the

23:15

photo and it's like everyone putting their hands

23:17

up, scribbling, getting like, I'm wet. And there's

23:19

me just on the phone just having an

23:21

absolute breakdown. And I

23:23

don't know why we didn't buy that key photo thing.

23:25

We should have done it. I think at the time,

23:28

I was genuinely very

23:32

upset because I obviously want to sit come to.

23:34

So I was also like, I think the chances

23:36

gone. Oh my God, I can't believe

23:38

it. I'm just so angry at me. She never be

23:40

angry at me at this before. All my friends are

23:42

like laughing at me. I wasn't going to be like,

23:44

that's why that's key ring. You know, I'd be had

23:46

to be a psychopath to be like, let's

23:49

get the key ring. But like, I look back at that and I'm

23:51

like, someone should have bought

23:53

the photo of me having an absolute

23:55

breakdown. It's

23:57

like looking back at it. It's like the funniest thing.

24:00

I've ever seen. Oh, God. It's

24:02

the worst feeling in the world, isn't it?

24:05

I think almost every performer has been through

24:07

that emotion of the phone ringing. And nowadays,

24:09

of course, up comes the name of the

24:11

agent and you think, Oh, good. You never

24:13

know. And there you go. Hello. And

24:16

they go, Hello, where

24:18

are you? And it's

24:20

that phrase when you suddenly go, it's

24:22

like one of those, when they zoom in

24:24

on something in the background goes the other

24:26

way. It's those moments, isn't it? Yeah. Oh,

24:28

my God. And you know, there's

24:31

nothing you can do about it. Yeah. Well, I

24:33

think it's affected me forever. Because every time anyone

24:35

rings me, I'm like, Oh, no, well, I missed.

24:37

It's more likely that I've missed something

24:39

than something is good. And also, I was in such

24:41

a safe space. I was in Thorpe Park. I was

24:44

on my day off. I was there

24:46

because I'd finished my work early. And

24:48

then I still managed to miss a big chunk of

24:50

work. And that was all my fault. One

24:53

day of freedom, where you don't worry about anything. You

24:55

just have fun with your friends.

24:57

And then I rescheduled the meeting and I

24:59

went into the meeting. I totally didn't even

25:02

ask my agent what she had said I

25:04

was doing instead. So I was so nervous

25:06

going in and be like, Sorry,

25:09

you can make a last because I knew that was

25:11

going to come up. Yeah. I think I said I

25:13

was in a film, but I didn't. And they said,

25:15

you're in a film. What on the day

25:17

your grand died? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

25:20

Yeah. I don't I think I just

25:22

bluffed I said, Oh, yeah, we

25:24

were just filming big Hollywood film. Yeah, yeah.

25:27

Yeah. Just over round is absolutely nothing. I

25:29

couldn't get out of it. I mean, I

25:31

begged the director. Yeah. Yeah.

25:34

I mean, still not been a film yet. So they

25:36

must be waiting for that film to come out. It's

25:38

a big release date. That's what they're looking for. Yeah.

25:40

It's Avatar four. They

25:43

make them years in advance.

25:45

You know, it's like a cooking program. Here's one with the

25:47

earlier. Oh, huge. Oh,

25:51

God, I feel for you. What a terrible

25:53

thing to go through. But you're right to

25:55

treasure it. I think also because I went

25:57

for a period after it happened to me.

26:00

where I just put on so many

26:02

alarm clocks and warnings and I had

26:04

things that constantly were telling me things

26:06

coming up. I've turned them

26:08

all off now, so I'm getting a bit casual about

26:10

it. So it's come to happen again. Yeah,

26:13

at least when it happens, you won't be in Thorpe Park

26:15

on the rubber rapids and I'll be photographed. Like,

26:18

I don't think anyone's ever been photographed

26:20

missing like, what at the time is

26:22

the biggest opportunity of their life. Yeah.

26:25

But I just think it's also funny that it's also,

26:27

it's like not just a photo, it's like on a

26:29

key ring. It's like, do you know what

26:31

I mean? It's like, you can carry around

26:33

with you on, I wish I got the key

26:35

ring. Can

26:38

you imagine? Yeah. I guess I think it's funny.

26:40

Every time you walk in the house, you think, should I be

26:42

walking in this house or should I be at a

26:44

meeting? Yeah. Yeah,

26:47

it's just so, I'm putting in a photo that

26:50

kind of doesn't exist anymore. No. But

26:52

hopefully they would have kept it because they were gathering around,

26:55

they were figuring out what was happening because we

26:57

were just laughing so hard at the photo. I

26:59

wonder if nowadays that actually, because people can store

27:01

everything, I wonder if those

27:03

places actually do keep all the photographs for

27:05

it. I imagine they do in terms of

27:07

like, sometimes there'll be like a

27:09

serial killer who's turned up to the theme park.

27:12

They probably, I imagine that's a place a serial

27:14

killer would go to blast him. And

27:16

then, or like, sometimes you get those people who

27:18

get kidnapped and then they're like, oh, we want

27:20

one day out. And it's like, they always go

27:22

to a theme park or something. And that's where

27:25

you get the photo from. You

27:27

get people putting their hands in the air. And one of

27:29

them is wearing hang tucks. Yeah, it's like, yeah, they're trying

27:31

to get out. And the person next to them is holding

27:33

a knife. I've got hell bread on the tongue, you know,

27:35

if I go down. Brilliant.

27:41

Okay, well, that's the first thing then that

27:44

sadly lost photograph, but one that is seared

27:46

into your brain, obviously. Yeah, yeah. Okay,

27:49

so what's number two? Number

27:51

two is my pair of

27:53

gray Lonsdale shoes. So

27:55

I have been wearing the

27:58

same pair. So not the same. same

28:00

pair, I rephrase that.

28:02

The same shoes, I've

28:04

been wearing the same pair of shoes that

28:06

I keep re-buying for about 12

28:09

years. Right. It's a

28:11

classic design then? It's not even a classic,

28:13

it's just a very boring shoe. It's a

28:16

grey Lonsdale shoe. If you

28:19

see me on TV or doing anything,

28:21

if I'm standing or not doing

28:23

a countdown or anything, you can see I'm always wearing

28:25

the same pair of shoes. And it's become a bit

28:27

of like a thing where I like now I've done

28:29

it for so long, then now I have to keep

28:31

wearing the same pair of shoes. I

28:33

now think they're ugly. But

28:36

now it's become a thing of which I

28:38

remember I was in Australia, I was doing the

28:40

Melbourne Comedy Festival in Australia and it rains a

28:42

lot there, not like people think it would in

28:44

Australia, but I did a hole in the Lonsdales.

28:46

So I had to get a new pair, but

28:49

they didn't sell them in Australia. So I had to get a new

28:51

pair of shoes. Honestly, I turned

28:53

up my friend Chloe Patz, who I've known

28:55

since the day one of comedy, she saw

28:57

me without the shoes and

28:59

she did a double take. She took

29:02

a photo of them and she put

29:04

them in WhatsApp groups because

29:06

it was so odd to see me not in

29:08

a pair of grey Lonsdale shoes. And

29:11

I've got literally, I've got maybe like 14 pair,

29:13

I keep them all. I think I might

29:15

turn them into like an art thing. And

29:17

installation. Yeah. And I don't know what it is.

29:19

I don't know why I keep buying them. I

29:22

also, I never go into the shoe shop with

29:24

the intention of buying them again. Well,

29:27

maybe now I do because I don't have many

29:29

clothes. I just wear the same thing all the

29:31

time. Yeah. I'm so nervous about buying like new

29:33

clothes because I'm like, well, this will just go.

29:35

This will just be out of fashion. So

29:37

I have to buy the same things. But like

29:39

when I see a pair of shoes, I go like, well, maybe I

29:41

hate that. Right. In four months I go, well,

29:43

just stick to the thing you always bought and then no

29:46

one will say anything. So it's not like, I

29:48

mean, I had a friend who decided that actually

29:51

he only really liked black t-shirts. And then it

29:53

looked quite smart if he wore a black suit

29:55

with them. So he wore them every day and

29:57

he had a wardrobe full of black suits. black

30:00

t-shirts and that was it. Like

30:02

Dennis the Maness, yeah. Yeah, just the same

30:04

thing over and over again. And to me,

30:07

actually, I've always thought that that's quite a

30:09

sensible decision. I quite recently had a festival.

30:11

Well, this last summer at a festival, I

30:13

went into one of those secondhand

30:16

tents. It wasn't a

30:18

secondhand tent, it was a tent that sold

30:20

secondhand trainers. For fantastically cheap

30:23

prices, I thought. And for 30

30:25

quid, I bought a lovely classic

30:27

pair of Adidas sort of

30:29

maroon with three white stripes on the side. That's

30:31

all they were. And I'd

30:33

never owned a pair like it.

30:35

And I absolutely loved them. And

30:38

then recently, they fell apart. And

30:40

because it's a classic design, I'm thinking, that's it, that's

30:42

the shoe I'm going to buy and I'm going to

30:44

wear forever. Yeah, why wouldn't you?

30:46

I mean, I think that shoes you

30:49

can't, I think that you, you know, when

30:51

you finish shoes, hang on, that shouldn't happen.

30:54

Sorry, beg your pardon. It's your agent saying,

30:56

it's my agent saying, where the bloody hell

30:58

are you? Yeah, where's the meet the meetings

31:00

in chow for channel fours. Sorry,

31:04

carry on. Yeah, I think shoes don't I

31:06

think they finish shoes. Do you mean I

31:09

feel like you've done all you can. I

31:11

saw those Yeezys, I see those Yeezys shoes,

31:13

I think that the ugliest, they're like the

31:15

most expensive shoes. And if you

31:18

know Yeezys, they're the ugliest shoes I've ever seen

31:20

in my whole life. They're so expensive. I don't

31:22

know why anyone gets them. But basically what they've

31:24

done, so in the back of your shoe, where

31:26

your heel is, it's kind of straight. But what

31:29

they've done is they've made it long. So

31:31

some weird flipper out the back. Yeah,

31:33

it looks so insanely ugly, it makes

31:35

your feet look so big. But

31:39

those are like the newest iteration of shoes. And

31:41

I go, well, we just let's say we just

31:43

finished shoes, it's like it's like toothbrush advert, or

31:45

shave advert, like we put 15 raises

31:48

in it, or like the toothbrush is double

31:50

ended now. And it's got like a thing

31:52

for your tongue and it's you know, it

31:54

goes to 3000 bpm and you like... Yes,

31:57

toothbrushes just work. There's no need to improve

31:59

a toothbrush. Or, you know what, we

32:01

shave now and it's fine, it works. And

32:03

I was just finishing shaving, and I was like, I wish

32:05

that was like three seconds less. And it was, neither do

32:07

I care. I can understand in

32:10

the world of fashion that people go retrospectively,

32:12

and then occasionally somebody does something, and you

32:14

think, oh, that's new. And

32:17

even still, they can do that. But you're right,

32:19

as far as shoes are concerned, the designs of

32:21

shoes are fundamentally, that's it, isn't

32:23

it? I mean, in fashion, I've always thought,

32:25

when you talk about shaving, I've always thought that

32:28

the only thing that I've never seen anybody do,

32:30

people have shaved their hair on their face

32:32

into all sorts of shapes, but nobody has

32:35

ever just grown the hair on their cheeks

32:37

independently of everything else. Oh, like a big

32:39

blob. So you have two circles, and you

32:42

can grow them long, so you have these

32:44

sort of long, hangy things coming from your

32:46

cheeks. Nobody's ever done that. I mean, that

32:48

sounds absolutely insane. And that's

32:50

the reason. But yeah, it sounds insane, but

32:52

I think a lot of facial hair is

32:54

insane. So I'll buy one of you. Exactly.

32:57

Even you saying it, I'm almost like feeling

32:59

ill, thinking

33:01

about that combination. But you're right, someone

33:03

should have done it with all the

33:05

combinations, with all the people in the

33:07

world. It's like, you know the Rinaldo, the

33:10

Carecut where you has the front bit, everything

33:12

shaved apart from the front. That's

33:15

the equivalent of that, isn't it? You go, well, you

33:17

do it once, and then you go, maybe you can

33:19

do that. I feel like someone should do it. I

33:21

can't do it because I don't have the hair that

33:23

grows there. No, I think someone should do it. It's

33:25

a good idea. They'd

33:28

be shunned by society. I think

33:30

it's quite disturbing, actually. It is, isn't it?

33:33

You would say, if you ever saw them at

33:35

Thought Park, you'd immediately say, serial killer. Yeah, oh

33:37

my God. It's like a black hole with hair

33:39

coming out of it. Really interesting.

33:41

Lonsdale shoes, that's boxing, isn't it? Yeah,

33:44

no reason for me to, I should

33:46

be far away, either furthest away from

33:48

Lonsdale. I

33:50

don't know if Lonsdale know that I keep wearing their

33:52

shoes and promoting their products. I

33:55

get it all the time. I was with my friend Sally the

33:57

other day, we were having a walk, and she gave me a

33:59

kinder, you know, those. kind of hippo kind

34:01

of things. She said I got

34:03

a box of them because I mentioned them on

34:05

stage. Wow, that's useful. It's an

34:07

outrage. Yeah. The number

34:10

of times I've bought in lonsdale shoes, no one's

34:12

ever... But I think it's because maybe I'm not

34:14

part of the brand. I think if you wanted

34:16

to write a boxing brand and then the person

34:18

that was the main initiator of the product was

34:21

a man wearing a keyboard on stage, you know,

34:24

I think maybe pull away from

34:26

that. So you're constant mentioning

34:28

of Ferraris doesn't work then? Yeah,

34:31

no, yeah. I'm always talking about... I'm

34:33

always mentioning a wife on stage. It

34:36

might send me a wife. Very

34:39

good. Although I should imagine

34:42

that lonsdale shoes are very comfortable, aren't

34:44

they? Surely. They are. They're

34:46

great. I mean, you're like... I think that's a very sensible thing

34:49

to do. But like, I also know that this is like... It's also when

34:51

you're on about this, it's like I sound like the most boring

34:53

man in the world. I'm meant

34:55

to be like an exciting person, right? I do

34:57

like stand up for a living and then it's like, what's one

34:59

of the five things you put away? Like, are

35:02

the shoes I never changed because I was too

35:04

much of a coward to buy

35:07

new shoes? To even change their color. Yeah,

35:09

and they're gray as well. Yeah, I mean

35:11

all sorts of colors. Gray. Gray

35:14

lonsdale shoes. And

35:16

in past ex-girlfriends have been very

35:18

like... It's been a big debate

35:20

topic. I've been like, you got to change those shoes. You

35:25

can't go to a latitude festival and this restaurant

35:27

in the same shoes. You've

35:30

got two different shoes. You

35:33

stick to your guns. Well, it's too late now,

35:36

you see. You've created this image. But

35:38

then again, say to David Bowie, he was able

35:40

to go, I've thrown it away on someone else

35:43

now. Yeah. Well,

35:45

I guess also if I put the shoes in, I

35:47

also got like, what, 16 other pairs of shoes? That's

35:49

kind of fine. It's fine. The main thing about putting

35:51

something in the time capsule is I have any more.

35:53

I've seen identical copies of that thing. That's

35:56

good. Lovely. Okay,

35:58

huge. Put those shoes in

36:00

there as a second thing. So

36:02

what's number three? There

36:05

you go, we're taking a bit of a break

36:07

now, but what a lovely chap, eh? And fear

36:09

not, we'll be back with him as soon as

36:11

these ads are done. Cheers. Welcome

36:15

back. That's the ads done, so let's

36:17

get back to the delightful, huge Davies

36:20

and see what else he'll put in

36:22

his time capsule. It's

36:24

the video game, The Witcher 3. So

36:27

I'm not, like, huge into video games.

36:29

I do like them though. And there's

36:31

this one game that my friend was

36:33

playing and I used to go into

36:35

his house. He used to be a photographer,

36:38

but we used to hang out a lot because he would, I'd

36:40

help him on his projects. And

36:42

he was playing this game called The Witcher 3. And

36:45

it was one of those, you know, sometimes in your

36:47

life, someone recommends you something and you go, I can't

36:49

do that because then I won't, I won't stop. Do

36:52

you know what I mean? And Witcher 3 was one of those ones.

36:54

He was like, this is really up your street and you'll love it.

36:57

And I played a little bit. I was kind of a

36:59

bit like, and then I bought

37:01

it myself. And like, I mean, it's just,

37:03

I think it's better than my life. I

37:08

finished the game and I turn off and I

37:10

go, well, even if I'm doing like

37:12

a really good gig in the evening, I'm like, I actually do

37:14

miss my life in The Witcher 3. Even

37:18

when I'm peaking in my life. So

37:21

as you're wandering around, you're certainly imagining what

37:23

you might be doing in there. Yeah,

37:25

yeah, I just think it's an incredible

37:27

game. It's just like to describe it

37:29

vaguely, you're basically sort of sexy Gandalf

37:33

and you're going around this magical land. Your

37:35

job is to get rid of magical creatures

37:37

that are like bothering towns. You basically walk

37:39

around this big world map and you go

37:41

to a different town. The whole thing is

37:43

so well written. You talk to anyone in

37:45

the game. They've got like a rich story

37:48

and background and they'll have a ghoul

37:51

or a monster bothering them in that town. And

37:53

there's always like a rich lore behind each of

37:55

the monsters. And then it's generally

37:57

like a different, you're like in a different

37:59

world. It's extraordinary. It feels incredible. You can

38:02

just play it forever. They just it's so big and

38:04

you can play it just forever So like you

38:07

go on a big quest and then you finish and then turn off

38:09

and you're like, I'll have to go in a car Now I'm gonna

38:11

train you're like It's like I understand

38:14

that a lot of video games are like that a lot of video

38:16

games aren't getting on trains And a lot

38:18

of people think is their favorite of a video game I

38:21

don't play that many video games, but is the one

38:23

like always come back to I've been playing it for

38:25

literally six years It's the

38:27

annoying thing about reading Lord of the Rings Isn't it

38:30

that you sort of think well, I

38:32

want to go somewhere else in that world I want to

38:34

experience the other bits that are going on that you pass

38:36

through. I don't want to leave this

38:38

place Yeah, I understand. So now you have that

38:40

opportunity you can go back in there. Yeah. Well

38:42

Lord of the Rings I watched the first film

38:45

when I was young. I loved it

38:47

so much I immediately went home and I read

38:49

2000 Return of the King. Yeah, I wanted

38:51

to be in that world Yeah, so this

38:53

provides an opportunity though, doesn't it? Yeah I'm

38:56

slightly envious. I don't play games at all I'm

38:59

not sure I'd even know how to you know

39:01

But I'd have to start right from the beginning

39:03

of how do you walk? How do you move?

39:05

Oh, yeah, well come on with the generation in

39:07

which the ps2 generation You just you you don't

39:09

have to worry about learning anything because you know,

39:11

it's just there So yeah any game that I

39:13

could possibly play is like I already kind of

39:16

know how to play it already because yeah I

39:18

watched my grandchildren do it. They pick the thing

39:20

up and I go. Yeah, I think

39:22

well, I wouldn't know how to turn it on

39:24

Yeah, I think that's this because it's like I

39:26

think my dad would really enjoy video games But

39:28

he's just like he just can't be

39:30

bothered to learn No, it's like I

39:33

think he would love it because he's got loads

39:35

of time in his hands now because he's now

39:37

retired He's just like sort of boring about but

39:39

I think he really like it But it's slightly

39:41

the fear though. I did once just once get

39:44

into a game which was a football manager Oh,

39:46

yeah, where I took on a third division team

39:48

and slowly slowly scouted all these other times spent

39:50

hours Researching who the young players coming through and

39:53

other clubs were making offers for

39:55

them bringing them in training them playing

39:57

games We'd lost, you know, we should

39:59

have one that came and then changing

40:01

the players and when to substitute. I

40:03

became absolutely obsessed with being the manager

40:06

of this fictitious club. Yeah. And I

40:08

got them up to the Premiership and...

40:10

How did you feel when that happened?

40:12

Absolutely elated. I remember

40:14

playing Man United and beating them at Old

40:16

Trafford and it was as if I'd actually

40:18

done it and in the end I had

40:21

to really literally take the whole thing, take

40:23

it off my computer, take everything I had

40:25

with it and just put it in the

40:27

bin. Yeah. People take it

40:30

very seriously. Because I was spending my life being

40:32

obsessed, like you say, I was obsessed with, you

40:34

know, oh there's that lad, I must go and

40:36

see how he's doing at his youth

40:39

team. Yeah. This is the number on a screen, isn't it? It's

40:41

just a name and a number and you go, yeah, but you

40:43

get a thought to feel attached. People take it very seriously for

40:45

a manager. I don't know if you heard about this but there's

40:47

like a, there was a thing about if

40:50

you were playing the Champions League final, if you made it to

40:52

the Champions League final you had to wear a suit for the

40:54

game. I would

40:57

have done it. I would definitely have done it. You

40:59

have to put on the suit and you've got to,

41:01

you know, meet the press. But

41:05

yeah, I think the Witcher 3 is like one

41:07

of those things that, I guess there's

41:09

so many video games out there and I

41:11

guess every single one will be forgotten by

41:13

time, I imagine. Like, because everything's just getting

41:15

bigger and bigger and better and you just

41:17

eventually just go, oh well, you know. But

41:19

I think the Witcher 3 is like, it's the

41:22

best game that's ever been ever made and I'll

41:24

put it in the time capsule and I think

41:26

anyone who sort of likes fantasy and quests

41:28

and that kind of thing would love the Witcher 3 and I

41:30

think there's so much time on it and

41:32

I have to put it in. I think it's great. Fantastic,

41:34

we will put it in. I look forward

41:37

to my grandchildren reaching the age where they

41:39

move on from Roblox, which

41:41

I just don't get at all. I don't

41:43

know what that is. It gets a

41:45

game they play all the time. They love

41:47

it. But of course it's a clever game

41:49

because in order to go places or do

41:51

certain things, you can buy things and

41:54

so it's a game where they're constantly saying, could you

41:56

give me five pounds grandad? And I say, why? They

41:58

say, to buy something on Roblox. Clever.

42:00

Well, clever for charging money to children. I don't

42:02

know how I feel about games that make you

42:05

pay. I feel like you should pay a full

42:07

price for the game and then that's the game.

42:09

Yeah, this does both. It's very clever.

42:12

Anyway, so yeah, let's move on to those. I will

42:14

sit with them and watch them in that fantasy world.

42:16

I'll be quite happy. I

42:18

might even become a little troll or something

42:20

and just follow them around. Oh, for sure.

42:23

For sure. Okay, lovely. So what's number four?

42:25

Number four is my keyboard. A

42:28

keyboard, the first one I made. Yeah.

42:31

Was that a Yamaha? It was

42:33

a Yamaha. Yeah, I forgot what model

42:35

it was. It was the Yamaha keyboard.

42:37

We'll take it everywhere. It's like, because

42:39

I gig all the time and

42:42

I had to bring it with me for every gig I do.

42:44

I don't gig without it and it's

42:46

just with me everywhere and it has a lot

42:48

of sentimentality. Also because I wasn't

42:50

a very good comedian in the beginning. For

42:52

those people listening, I basically wear a keyboard

42:54

on stage and it's got like a microphone

42:56

attachment to it and it's like an

42:59

ice cream vendor in the theater

43:01

at half time. Yes, and it

43:03

looks pretty stupid. But yeah, it's

43:05

big and it's weighty and it does hurt me a lot. I

43:08

feel like it's a big part of the unique part

43:10

of my act, which made me kind of

43:13

stand out a bit and made me probably got me a lot

43:15

of the work and the career that I've got now. And

43:18

it's kind of quite symbolic of that. And also,

43:20

I was just like, I don't think any... No,

43:22

I've never seen anyone do this to a keyboard

43:24

before and I don't think I've seen anyone since

43:26

do it, but it seems like a mad thing to not do.

43:29

If people wear guitars and

43:32

bass guitars are just cellos, right? Yeah, and

43:34

they carry around tubers and double basses. I

43:36

mean, a double bass is an incredibly enormous

43:39

thing to carry around and yet people do.

43:41

Yeah, and it's like, well, why wouldn't you

43:43

do that with a keyboard? Yeah. And

43:45

so I just did it because people will wear it slinging around their neck and

43:47

they have it like different so it's against their

43:50

body. But mine's like as a piano would be

43:52

so just in front of you. Hmm, up

43:54

until now if people played a keyboard, they played

43:56

it on one of those guitar keyboards, didn't they?

43:59

Yeah, yeah. When I was making it, I was like, I

44:01

can't believe no one's done this. But it just

44:03

seems very obvious to do it. And then also

44:05

my dad helped me make it as well. So

44:07

I like, we always like go back and try

44:09

and engineer a new version of keyboard. And in fact,

44:12

if you just had it on a stand and you

44:14

stood behind it with a mic coming up, that

44:16

would really limit the act, wouldn't it? It's a very important

44:19

thing to be able to take the whole thing right to

44:21

the front of the stage. And in

44:23

fact, confront somebody personally, that's a big part of

44:25

your act, is when you choose one person and

44:27

go to them and say, right, I'm going to

44:29

do it to you, mate. Yeah, I

44:31

often come off stage and get in the

44:33

crowd because sometimes I'm doing theaters

44:35

now in which there's almost normally a wireless

44:37

mic in the room. Yeah. So it means

44:40

that I can go because the keyboard is

44:42

also on a Bluetooth. It is by Bluetooth.

44:44

I can leave the stage. You

44:47

could leave the theater. I once did

44:50

a show in Soho where I had

44:52

forgotten something on stage. And

44:54

then I was like, I need to go get

44:56

something. And then I left the room with the

44:58

keyboard and the mic and I went down a

45:00

few floors. Do I get it? And I was still,

45:02

I know I was still broadcasting upstairs. Yes. And

45:05

I thought I had the idea of a show in

45:07

which I, I talked to someone about this

45:09

tech-wise and they said it was impossible. But

45:12

I wanted to do a show in which I started the show in

45:14

the room. And then I forgot something at

45:16

my house. And then

45:19

I went back to go get it. All the way

45:21

home. Crowd are still in the room. And then it's

45:23

like, I do a big show on the

45:25

way home. I'm in the supermarket

45:27

and I'm just doing, and the idea of it was

45:30

that I never have to hear how people like, I

45:32

never have to know how the gig is going. No.

45:34

It's like, it's not important to me how it goes.

45:37

And then I finish in my house and then I

45:39

just say good night. I

45:41

say good night and then I just do my house by the

45:43

end of the gig. Put a cup of tea on. Yes. Yeah.

45:45

Yeah. And I was like, that's what a perfect way to finish

45:47

a gig. But then I was told like, technically, it'd be very

45:49

difficult to do that. And they were like, well, you could record

45:51

it and you could just play a recording in the room. I

45:54

was like, that's the same. It has to be live. But

45:56

I still want to do that. I think it's a

45:58

really interesting idea. It is fun. possible to sort

46:00

of fake it. Years and years

46:03

ago, Tommy Cooper did something like that. And

46:05

then Rick Mail did it before he

46:07

started his act on stage. He used to

46:10

announce himself. And then there'd be a

46:12

pause and he'd say, Oh, no, I'm

46:14

in the wrong room. Sorry. Where am

46:17

I? And he would just speak into the microphone from

46:19

the side of the stage as he was, he said,

46:21

right, I'm coming on down here. I found it. Here

46:23

we go. Ladies and gentlemen, Rick Mail. I

46:25

got a minute. I'm in the street. That's great. And

46:27

then he'd realized that he was at the wrong venue.

46:30

And he pretended to get on a bus. And

46:32

he said, I'm on the bus now. I'll come

46:34

and get on that. I'll be about five minutes.

46:36

And he talked to you while he was pretending

46:38

to be on the bus. And then finally, he'd

46:40

say, right, I'm at the theater. Where's the stage

46:43

door? And it was really funny. And it would

46:45

be about 10 minutes. That's great. That's so funny.

46:47

I love that. Paul Foote does a similar I've

46:49

seen him do a similar thing. I worked a

46:51

bit with Paul Foote last year. And I saw

46:53

him do a lot of gigs. He introduced himself

46:55

on stage. It takes him like 15 minutes. Yes,

46:58

it just just keeps you just

47:00

keep introducing himself. Just keep describing

47:02

himself. He's like, gracious, poor foot.

47:04

Incredible. You're going to absolutely

47:06

love it. I'm going to get this stage right now.

47:09

And he just keep going forever and ever and ever.

47:11

And people just go this point, getting quite tired. And

47:13

then then he somehow bring it back. And

47:15

everyone's just loving it. And you almost don't ever want

47:17

to get on stage. And sometimes they come on, literally

47:19

one minute and they'd be like, that's my time. I'm

47:22

poor for a bar. Right. Yeah,

47:25

the cyclical nature of the laughter in those sort

47:27

of things, having the nerve to do it, to

47:29

take it to the point where people stop laughing

47:31

at it because you've done it too much. And

47:34

then it becomes funny again. Yeah, joyous thing.

47:36

Yeah, I use it quite a lot, mainly

47:38

because it kills a lot of time. People

47:42

go like, that's so interesting. He's done, I was like,

47:44

no, it's got to run out of jokes, actually, it's

47:46

come quite late in the day. It's two days from

47:48

August, I better just extend these jokes. And

47:51

the point in which it gets so exhausting. You

47:54

have to find it funny eventually. Yeah, even

47:56

Clive Anderson years ago, but he was in a

47:58

review group as he. young man. He

48:01

used to announce the interval like

48:03

that. Thank you very much ladies and

48:05

gentlemen, that'll be a short interval. That's

48:07

it. Okay, that'll be a

48:10

slightly longer interval. He

48:12

would just keep going and see there'll be a what we'd

48:14

like to call a pause. It

48:16

just keeps getting up and down in their seats

48:19

for about five minutes. It's very funny. There was

48:21

an act called Jordan Brooks. He won the comedy

48:23

award a few years ago. In his show

48:25

that he won with, he would always, he'd do a

48:27

little joke where he goes, that's all we've got time

48:30

for. He would keep saying it and then he would eventually

48:33

he would just keep leaving and then he'd

48:35

come back in. One time he does it,

48:38

he fully leaves the stage and

48:40

then the lights come on and the music starts up

48:42

again. People will actually genuinely, he leaves it for like

48:44

three minutes. People will go up and leave again

48:46

and he comes straight back and I go, it's not actually over. He actually

48:50

recorded a special, it's on Amazon, the special

48:52

of it. He does it in there as

48:54

well. People just fully just leave. Maybe like

48:57

20% of the audience go.

49:00

Yeah, they're fully gone. They're not

49:02

allowed back in either. They're not allowed back in.

49:05

I think he probably waits on purpose for,

49:07

I don't know, I don't know if Jordan's

49:09

watching, but he probably waits for people to

49:11

leave because he finds it funny that you

49:13

don't. In a way that is the thrill

49:15

of being a performer is having the nerve

49:17

to do something that could absolutely fall flat

49:19

on his face and actually

49:21

doing it and it working. Yeah,

49:23

yeah. It's a no-grayer thrill. And

49:26

you must have had that feeling the first time you

49:28

walked on stage with that keyboard strapped to your body.

49:30

Well, I'll tell you what, when I first did it,

49:32

I was like, I hope this isn't funny.

49:35

This will have to

49:38

be my life, I guess. I have to wear this

49:40

goddamn thing the rest of my

49:42

career. And unfortunately, it worked really well on the first

49:44

time I did it. And I remember the gig I

49:46

did it in, it was like a gig in Doulston.

49:48

And I remember I came on and I was like,

49:50

oh, and I was like, oh, this has got people's

49:52

disentrance in the right way. Oh, God. What a shame.

49:54

That's it. I'm stuck with it now. Now I'm stuck

49:56

with it. And people are always like, you just put

49:59

it on the stand. like yeah but then

50:01

it'd be too easy wouldn't it? Yeah

50:03

quite. All you need

50:05

to do is constantly petition Yamaha to

50:08

put exactly the same facilities in it,

50:10

the same buttons and ability of the

50:12

devil but make it really light. Yeah

50:15

well that's the problem is that I really

50:17

want keyboards that are like can do loads

50:19

of different sounds and really interesting but the

50:21

more expensive the keyboard and the more complex

50:23

it is the more heavy it is. So

50:26

like when I get a new keyboard

50:28

I have to research it so I carefully because the

50:30

weight has to be wearable because I wear it for

50:32

an hour. Yeah quite. I looked at how you, well

50:34

you have a strap around your shoulder but you also

50:36

have a sort of a thing that

50:38

goes against your hips like people do with rucksacks but

50:41

they have it the other way round don't they? Yeah

50:43

so because if you hang it around your neck it's

50:45

just too close to your body. Like if you're playing

50:47

the piano it's like a distance from your body so

50:49

you'd be sitting there. So I have to find a

50:52

way of making it stick out from my body so

50:54

that I can actually play it. So there's like a

50:56

harness, a belt harness at the front to stop it

50:58

like rubbing up against my body and it just looks

51:00

like a, it's a belt on the front so it just looks like

51:02

my belt. So that

51:05

was a lot of different versions of the keyboard

51:07

before it worked properly but it looked like a

51:09

big band icon or something. Yeah

51:13

it's absolutely fantastic though. Well

51:16

I look forward to seeing it live. Oh thank

51:18

you. Thank you very much. I'm going into Wicked

51:20

for a year so the chances of me reaching

51:22

anything live are numb. Great.

51:24

I'm sadly but great. That's great. Are you looking

51:27

forward to Wicked? Yeah in a way sort of

51:29

you know that thing where you go I can't

51:31

wait to do it. Oh my god I've

51:33

got to do it. Yeah yeah because obviously

51:36

I don't have as long as a year. Well

51:38

I do a show for a year I guess. Particularly

51:40

when you're in Edinburgh after about four or five days

51:42

where you're not quite sure and then you nail it

51:45

and then it's like the last ten days you're

51:47

like I can't do this. I can't say this again.

51:49

I can't what? Again

51:51

there's nothing left now. I can't

51:53

imagine what a year of Wicked. You know people who

51:56

do the Les Mis for like you know they do

51:58

it for just decades or whatever it is. Yeah,

52:00

there was a man who did me and my girl for

52:02

the entire run of it. Oh my god, which I think

52:04

was about 16 years Wow,

52:07

I can't imagine how that would have felt

52:10

No, well, I guess it's no different from I used

52:13

to work in a shoe shop Maybe it's no different from that

52:15

in which you're like after a while you just

52:17

go Well, this is just my job and at least I'm not

52:19

working in a shoe shop Yeah, you know

52:21

not every artistic this you just because you're on stage

52:23

doesn't mean it has to be like a creative pursuit

52:25

You're like, maybe it's just my job. Maybe I just

52:27

maybe I sometimes feel that way in which I'm just

52:30

like Oh, you maybe your job is just to be

52:32

a standard comedian not to be in Hollywood film I

52:34

met Hollywood actor recently and I was like, that's why

52:36

I'm not in films Clear

52:39

he's called Ed screen. He was in the he was

52:41

the bad guy in Deadpool Right.

52:43

I met him randomly a gig I was did a

52:45

gig at this like hotel and he was at the

52:47

hotel and I met him and he was on a

52:49

hoodie And he was just like very

52:52

low-key and I saw him and I was like, oh

52:54

my god This guy is like this

52:56

guy should be in films and he was like I

53:01

think it's so obvious when you see someone he

53:03

was like a Hollywood good-looking person You're

53:05

like, oh you should but then I'm like for me.

53:07

I'm like, maybe I shouldn't be in film never I should just

53:09

be stand-up. I think every stand-up

53:11

is like maybe we should well if I do you know

53:13

do I'm like I don't think I meant to be I

53:16

don't know whether it goes one way or the other whether

53:18

you've had being in the film Then gives you that presence

53:21

Who knows maybe what you'll find out when you

53:23

do the film. Yeah, sure. Well, yeah, I guess

53:25

so But I'm a new I'd screen in Deadpool.

53:28

Yeah playing a keyboard Let's

53:31

put that into the time capture is a fourth thing Yeah

53:34

So all we've got huge is we've got

53:36

to put in something that you'd like to

53:38

bury in there and never take out again

53:40

So nightclubs, I think nightclubs. Yeah.

53:42

Yeah, I would put all nightclubs in

53:44

So that's a time capsule. That's very

53:47

good. I think absolutely the worst thing

53:49

you could do. Mm-hmm I just hate

53:51

them so much I remember as a

53:53

student I went to them a lot

53:56

but because everyone would just do it and there was no

53:58

other option Really either you go to a night club

54:00

where you stay in your flat and do drugs I

54:02

imagine. And I was like, well, I'm not going to do

54:04

that. So we would go out.

54:06

I actually started smoking because I hate nightclubs

54:09

so much. I would

54:11

go out of the nightclub. In order to get

54:13

outside for a minute. To the smoking area. So

54:15

because that's where you do any place you can

54:17

talk to people. And

54:19

I would go out there and I wouldn't be smoking. And it

54:21

just felt like really weird that I was I felt like a

54:24

bit like strange. I just

54:26

had to start smoking. A smoking

54:28

pervert. Yeah. I would watch people.

54:30

Yeah. And I would I would

54:32

also not bring a lighter. So I had to ask someone for

54:34

a lighter so that I could talk to

54:36

them because I just find nightclubs the worst.

54:38

I just hate them so much. It's

54:41

like the music is always bad. Not

54:43

what you want. The

54:46

guys in there are just everyone's behaving badly.

54:49

You can't talk. This pull of drunk people. I

54:51

don't really drink. And also I hate drunk people

54:53

in general because they're always people that ruin my

54:55

evening. I'm doing stand up. Guarantee the drunkest person

54:57

around will try and ruin the gig. Someone will

54:59

be like feeling bad about that. I

55:01

assume you're there to maybe like when you're

55:04

younger you're there to like try and get

55:06

with someone. I think you

55:08

do that via dancing. Yeah.

55:10

So bad at dancing that like I'd

55:13

say like top five things to see me do and

55:15

not get with me on a one night stand would

55:17

be to watch me dance. Yes. Like I think we

55:19

had isn't it because in fact you think the way

55:21

that you would get with someone is by talking to

55:24

them and then finding you attractive as a person because

55:26

of what you've said to them. Well that's

55:28

what dating is right. And then

55:30

you talk and then you find out common interests or

55:32

whatever sense of humor is that that

55:34

you could only ever go out with people

55:36

who smoked. Yeah exactly. Genuinely

55:39

like I actually went out with someone

55:41

because we are outside a nightclub and she was like do you hate

55:43

this and I was like I hate this too. And then we just

55:45

started going out. It has worked in

55:47

the past. But yeah I haven't been back

55:50

to a nightclub in a very very long

55:52

time. I find them I think I almost

55:54

think everyone's pretending. It gets

55:56

to the point where I'm like you can't be enjoying it. You can't be

55:58

enjoying it. No. so expensive to

56:00

be in there. That's the thing

56:02

is there's a cruel trick that's played on young

56:04

people, that in fact the only place they're supposed

56:06

to go to socialize is somewhere where first of

56:08

all, they have to pay to get in. But

56:11

then everything that they buy there

56:13

is astonishingly expensive. Yeah, I think

56:16

that everyone would agree that a good night in the pub is

56:18

better than a good night in the nightclub. I think everyone would

56:20

agree that. And I always say like, the

56:23

queue, because often when I'm coming back from

56:25

a gig or whatever, particularly in central London,

56:27

you're walking back, there are people in queues

56:29

outside this place to get in. In the

56:31

midnight, and you're like, this

56:34

can't be the highlight of your week, when a queue, just

56:37

because you live in Britain doesn't mean you have to be so, you know. Like,

56:40

you spend a whole week being in a queue

56:42

for Preta Monge, and then you spend your whole

56:45

weekend being in a queue for this nightclub. And

56:47

then you get in and it's so expensive, and

56:50

there's like a desperation to it. Like everyone's sort

56:52

of dancing, but sort of over each other's

56:54

shoulders being like, who will kiss me? Whole

56:56

thing is just a bit like, I

56:59

just hate it, it just stinks of desperation.

57:01

Yes, and every single girl thinking, I hope

57:03

nobody puts something in my drink. Yeah, terrifying

57:05

places. All women there being like, we are

57:08

pretty much going out for ourselves. We're going

57:10

out in a big friend group. And all

57:12

the guys there being like, can I intrude

57:14

on that friend group? Can

57:17

I be as leery as possible? Can

57:19

I be as loud as possible on the way

57:21

home and to the place? I just, I hate

57:23

nightclubs. I don't think, I

57:26

mean, maybe they will last. It's a bit

57:28

like, you know, you couldn't imagine that people would stop

57:30

watching TV. Yeah. People

57:33

have kind of stopped watching TV. Well, maybe

57:35

nightclubs will also go. The idea of sitting

57:37

down and watching television is fading away. Yeah,

57:39

I think it was like quite difficult for

57:42

me, because the trajectory that comedians normally have

57:44

is you go to Edinburgh, you do well,

57:46

you get a TV show, you do the

57:48

punch, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

57:50

It's very difficult to like readjust it. You

57:53

go, well, people don't really respond into that

57:55

anymore. That's something, so like your phone and

57:57

I think it took me a long time.

58:00

a while to like sort of adjust to that and

58:02

be okay with it and be like yeah oh you

58:04

can you can do your own things on there and

58:06

they don't have to be undignified because a lot of

58:08

stuff you look at it and you're like that is

58:10

like if that's what show business

58:12

has become I'm not going to do that anymore but

58:16

it takes you quite a while to adjust and be like

58:18

oh it's just it's just a tv but horizontal and you

58:20

can make your own things now but

58:22

it's like um it took me like a few

58:25

years to really come about and be like to

58:27

engage with it I imagine well

58:29

I'm gonna take nightclubs and definitely shove

58:31

them into the time capsule and forget

58:34

about them and in my time

58:36

they were places where you went to try

58:38

to publicize things oh really yeah so if

58:40

you had a record out or something like

58:42

that you would perform at a nightclub and

58:44

the last thing that people want in a

58:46

nightclub where they're trying to pick people up

58:48

is to suddenly stop and watch people perform

58:50

on a stage they were always the

58:53

most awful awful gigs that's

58:55

why I feel like corporate but

58:57

I'm interrupting people's dinners

59:01

to talk about head shoulders knees and toes

59:03

the nuances of ice cream truck music what

59:05

are you doing I'm like yeah I

59:08

shouldn't be here and uh

59:11

there's something very funny about that though you

59:13

standing up there getting them all to sing

59:15

head shoulders knees and toes it's a brilliant

59:17

idea and then it's just loads of people

59:19

who are like very high in business I

59:21

imagine at the height of

59:23

their game having a lunch with their colleagues the

59:26

one night off and I've got a sudden list of this strange

59:29

man I've never seen before wearing a keyboard

59:31

doing nursery rhymes yeah I can imagine when

59:33

I do corporates they always hate it and

59:35

I'm like and why wouldn't you yeah

59:38

I'm there with them I go I hate it too where

59:40

you know I've been I've been employed

59:42

by you it's your fault for employing

59:44

me and yeah yeah yeah oh

59:47

huge what a lovely thing to do to talk to

59:49

you I've had a really enjoyable morning thank you very

59:51

much me too thanks for having me on you

59:58

have been listening to my time

1:00:00

capsule. With me, the man with

1:00:02

the 100th day cough, my Fenton

1:00:04

Stevens and my lovely guest, Hugh

1:00:06

Davis. Fun, wasn't it? I

1:00:09

ask that because if you thought it was,

1:00:11

then do let others know by rating this

1:00:13

podcast and maybe even leaving a comment or

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that. I mean, like a well-prepared

1:00:20

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1:00:23

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1:00:26

We're easy to find there and then hard to

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or any other things you think will be of interest. If

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1:00:35

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1:00:37

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this cast off production was produced for

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John Fenton Stevens. And that's it. Have a

1:01:02

lovely week and I'll see you soon. But

1:01:04

I hope I'll be a lot better. I'll

1:01:06

leave you with a joke by Greg Jenner

1:01:08

that he says doesn't get a laugh. Well,

1:01:10

it sounds like most of mine. So see what you think.

1:01:13

Fly me to the moon. Let me play among

1:01:16

the stars. Frank Sinatra.

1:01:18

Can I borrow your spaceship? I can't tell you

1:01:21

more. Evasive Sinatra. Yep.

1:01:28

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