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Music.

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Hello everyone welcome back to the needy podcast I'm your host Marc glatzel and I am so excited to be here with you today talking about.

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One of my absolute favorite topics the cycle of expansion and contraction and the micro and macro ways that the cycle shows up in our daily lives.

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I am in full honesty reporting to you live from a contraction live from a grief season.

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From a place of.

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Having a lot of the diminished capabilities and internal resources and things that I'm going to talk to you about shortly so,

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being that I'm in this place of contraction I have,

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I've had a lot of opportunities as of late to really think about how this shows up and

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what each and every one of us requires in order to more deftly navigate this cycle bring more he's in more support more self kindness and

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to have a better overarching understanding of how the energy cycle is showing up in our life so that we can.

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Can I serve to ourselves that's usually my aim here but specifically with this cycle so when I'm talking about the cycle of expansion and contraction if we think about the macro level,

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I'm talking about the seasonal calendar,

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we're from the winter solstice the energy revs ever so slightly every day until you get to the summer solstice,

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and then the energy contracts ever so slightly every day to get to the winter solstice so we have this Universal overarching experience of,

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that expansion Rising,

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the energy that grows and swells As you move through January February March and then seems to accelerate as you get to April May,

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comes to that fever pitch in June and you know turns in the alternate Direction.

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Of course I'm here in the northern hemisphere if you live elsewhere you may need to make calculations to change this to your schedule but that is how it shows up here,

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now we have a little bit smaller of an example as we look at the moon cycle each.

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You know 28 days or so and we see that the again kind of.

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Just like the the winter solstice coming through the new moon to the waxing moon

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to reaching that fever pitch kind of with the full moon to that contraction coming around the cycle through the waning moon and back again to the new moon,

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so we have these examples in nature of energy not being constant

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and I think that is the most important if you only take one thing away from this podcast today let that be it your energy is not constant it's not meant to be.

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None of our energy is constant and yet we live in this world that encourages us to.

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Bulletproof make bulletproof or life hack or organize or create these routines that somehow make us impenetrable,

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to the Arabs and the flows of our Natural Energy cycles and to this.

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This absolute understanding that we are not meant to be constant we are not meant to shine every single day 365 days a year,

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we are not meant to bloom constantly you know the day that you plant the seed is not the same day that you pick the fruit or the vegetable or flower.

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We are in these stages of moving through this expansion and contraction as it relates to our energy to our efforts.

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We might think about this on a more personal level and perhaps its micro depending on what this personal cycle is for you but what we might see.

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We have our own iterations of expansion and contraction We rise to the occasion,

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We rise to the circumstance we expand and grow in order to accommodate whatever it is that we're working on maybe it's something's happening.

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In our personal lives something in our professional lives having a baby that's a literal expansion and contraction your birthing a new project into the world.

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You are moving through a particular.

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Time of hardship you know where by circumstance you're putting a lot more energy out than you met otherwise.

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But the characteristics of an expansion are that that you are rising to the occasion that you were putting out more energy than you may.

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In other circumstances because there's a heightened need for it and in my work I always talk about either by desire or circumstance so,

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either you're putting out more effort because there's something really exciting pulling you forward there's an invitation that's encouraging you to expand or circumstance in your life is such that.

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Your expansion is necessary and sometimes these expansions feel a little bit like being dragged but.

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By circumstance you are required to show up in new and bigger ways put a lot of energy out hustle,

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do more right so the expansion happens either by desire or circumstance,

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and as that expansion comes do of this swelling point this cusp of this fever pitch then Begins the contraction,

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and I like to think about it as whatever I put out now must be recouped,

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so the larger the expansion the larger the contraction.

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Which means if I put a lot of energy out there now I'm going to need to take a beat in order to give back to myself.

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But what happens let's just say what happens when you live in a world that does not respect.

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Cyclical energy rhythms.

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That expects that all of us are more similar to the machines that we work with then to the natural elements around us which of course is not the case.

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Then one might feel really shitty about their contraction.

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You might wonder why is this happening to me I was doing so good I was expanding it felt like it would never end and yet here I am,

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you know pitched off of a cliff into this pit where I don't want to be.

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And so my time in that contraction is marked by negative self-talk.

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Beliefs about who and how I am as related to how much energy I have to put out and.

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The response of the way that I have embodied the systems of Oppression that exist in the world around me,

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late capitalism patriarchy white supremacy

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all of these systems have something to say about slowing down.

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And so through messaging through the media through our families of origin through our schooling through workplace culture through our friend groups through our faith communities.

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We might be receiving all of these messages about what is right and good and we may learn in no uncertain terms to favor our expansion.

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And demonize our contraction or think of the contraction as something to out he'll outgrow fix change.

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Or pretend isn't happening.

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So what is really important for you to know is just like the seasonal shifts just like the fact that the time the tide Ebbs and flows just like the waxing and waning of the Moon.

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Your expansions and contractions are both natural and not really up for debate.

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And we're going to talk about what happens when we try to rev and escape and elude a contraction but for now what is important to know is that.

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There's no morality to this it's not that other people who are better than you who have it figured out or somehow hold the secret are going to be able to live a contraction list life.

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I thought the class the other day and I said something to the effect of either you you take the contraction or the contractions going to take you and it's true,

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no matter what we do or how we position ourselves or the many ways that we try to meet an illusion of safety,

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we cannot Safeguard ourselves against seasons of grief we cannot Safeguard ourselves against the possibility of tragedy.

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We cannot make our energy bulletproof our energy is never meant to be.

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This 24/7 High Vibe producing at all times you know the Creature Comforts of my human self be damned we're quite literally not built for that.

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But we are built for this Nuance dance of expansion and contraction and the more that we can get on board with how we are.

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Energetically the more ease and Grace and comfort and compassion that we can bring to the process.

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What is important to keep in mind I feel like all of these topics are important look I keep saying what is important but here here's the truth,

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this is all really important this completely shifts how we understand approaching ourselves and,

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when we can wrap our heads around this it can bring so much kindness in it is just deeply powerful so.

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When we think about expansion and contraction.

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Sure I have a list rated some of the ways that the contraction happens and the potential pitfalls and shortcomings that may show up there that are causing us more suffering than we need to feel in that state,

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but we have to look at expansion to,

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we have to think about how we are caring for ourselves in all parts of this cycle so that we can create a greater sense of equilibrium and tending throughout.

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The process of are cyclical lives so when we are in that space of expansion.

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I want to give a nod to sustainable growth sustainable expansion,

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titrated growth meaning I am always in an active relationship

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with both what I want to do my ambition the circumstances that are set out in front of me and my capacity in my available energy and what I have to offer,

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so even as I feel myself expanding I don't just abandon myself in a band of my body and race off into the sunset with my ambition,

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as much as I might like to and let me tell you I would truly like to but I've done that before.

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And it's a recipe for Burnout to create and produce and race forward.

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Muscling through muscling past your body past your knees,

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is a recipe for Burnout and for kind of explosive contracted State on the other side of it when I talked about kind of roll it up the mountain and then you're thrown off the cliff that's what it feels like.

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It feels like okay now the thing the thing whatever the thing is is over and I am just swung into this pit of despair.

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Thud here I'll and it feels terrible now imagine a different model

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imagine instead of going straight up maybe I am proceeding forward at less of an incline over a period of time with

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doing this back and forth between what do I want and need to do and what do I have in me

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in order to do it what do I need in order to show up for what is on my plate right now,

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what are my non-negotiables that stabilize my energy.

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So for me when I'm in a state of expansion it is really important that I'm getting as consistent and solid rest as possible,

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and that during the day I am keeping my blood sugar stable.

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Those two things if I keep an eye on them will help to shore up my energy.

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And will protect me from a very seductive pattern of drinking a lot of coffee staying up really late waking up really early and grouchy drinking more coffee,

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and generally by passing my needs,

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and saying to myself it's okay because I'll get to my needs when I'm done with this thing.

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And then there's another thing and then there's another thing and somehow my needs never come back to being on the table.

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So in this new model of expansion you might expand with a thought to what you personally require.

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In order to do the work that is in front of you that you yourself are not an afterthought but instead an integral part of every facet of your life.

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Know Your Capacity your felt experience in your body your you know mental capacity your level of hydration all of these things matter

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as it relates to your experience,

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of doing the work at hand and this itself might be a,

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new framework for you you might be accustomed to doing the job at hand and not thinking about your experience but.

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Your life will be a lot more pleasurable and a lot more satisfying if you take,

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your felt experience of your daily life into consideration so when you're in that space of expansion that's about thinking about what do I need what feels good to me how do I,

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what do I require in order to bring an ounce of pleasure an ounce of Joy to the task at hand.

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The more that I can welcome my human body into my experience of productivity and ambition and chasing success and however it is that I Define those things the more that I can bring my body along for the ride,

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the more comfortable and grounded,

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and good feeling that work is going to be no matter what it is.

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Okay so we've rebranded our expansion,

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who are coming down into our contraction and it is important that we remember that slowing down.

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After such an expansion is not a flaw it's not your inability to hack it.

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It's not that there's something wrong with you that's not wrong with other people saw something to be embarrassed about.

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It is a literal fact of what expands must also then contraction.

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And when you are in that space of contraption you are looking at what grounds me what soothes me.

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What boundaries can I have that protect me during this time what am I saying yes to what am I saying no to what must be done and can I clear my list of things that aren't essential for this moment.

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These are the ways that we tend to ourselves to safeguard our rest.

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Because what goes up must come down but what goes down will eventually come up again.

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And our felt experience of that contraction again will be earmarked by how much rest we allow ourselves how we speak to ourselves about that rest.

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The more that we're able to honor our efforts during our expansions the more that we're going to be able to bring that compassion and that Grace to are contractions.

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And what is especially important in here is how that contraction might.

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Manifest getting familiar with those signs so that you start to know oh you know those almost where you might go to say what's wrong with me or I don't know why I'm so tired that kind of thing,

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If instead were able to notice oh here I am I'm in a contraction these things are starting to happen,

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and if you are like me you may not notice the contraction again because we're conditioned to not.

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Really Revere or get excited about our contractions although I think that is a Rebrand that we are could all benefit from.

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But if you're not able to notice the signs that that contraction is naturally occurring you may very well notice the signs of you trying to override that contraction,

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so that might look like being on your phone more and more and more and more scrolling scrolling that might look like.

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Being so amped up and jangly at night that even though you're so tired you're not able to get rest might look like.

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Yeah refer General refusal to heed the call from your body and not trying to rev trying to override trying to keep doing things keep yourself busy because you don't want to

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be in that place of slowing down because slowing down can be tricky and triggering for so many reasons might look like.

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Talking a lot of shit to yourself in your head and the presence of that self-talk alerts you to the fact that a contraction is taking place.

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So let's present two models of of how this contraction looks and I'm going to start with what I most commonly here and I'm going to move into my vision for what is possible.

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So what I most commonly here is that a Slowdown is imminent a Slowdown is happening.

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As the energy slows down it,

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ignites in that direction it ignites the inner critic and the inner critic can be tricky because it feels as though these things are capital T true,

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this is myself talking to myself about how things are hashtag real talk,

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but when

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when your inner critic is ignited in this way.

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Is it crucial to realize that the inner critic is the voice the embodied voice of those systems of Oppression that live within us.

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And there may be macro and micro experiences of that it might be intermingled with,

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painful or traumatic experiences that we've had over the course of our lifetime it might be the way that those systems work their way into our family lineage has,

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and you know come kind of Reform themselves as familial ethos around hard work or contribution acts of service.

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It's slippery and it's ever its faces ever-changing which is why it can be hard to tack this down.

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But what you can notice is as you come through into this contraction

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it's almost as if that inner critic voice is just lying in wait for you,

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and the minute that it's ignited it starts trying to artificially reignite you.

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So I'm slowing down slowing down is scary for all of these reasons all of these well-worn scripts and stories and narratives and belief systems that I carry with me.

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About who I am and what I'm worth if I don't help everybody who's gonna love me.

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If I don't produce it the certain clip I'm not going to be able to pay my mortgage if I don't earn my worth then everyone's going to reject me these are just this like a small sampling,

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this kind of thought so those are really powerful messages so when they're ignited.

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That inner critic rears up to basically shit talk us bad to back-stepping,

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and back into familiar and comfortable territory so you know don't slow down don't rest don't stop if you sit down you'll never get up you can't trust yourself you're weak you're a failure,

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you're a loser you can't hack it so and so down the street is better than you better parent better worker.

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All of these voices rise up to turn you back to where you came from.

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Now these voices aren't the truth.

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Even when they feel truthful or meaningful or custom-tailored meanness that is bespoke for your own personal set of issues,

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it's meant to hurt you right because it is meant to Spur you back into action

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it is meant to force you into trying to artificially override rev Escape elude that contraction.

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Do more do better.

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It's almost as if when the contraction is noticed we are being urged to work even harder so that nobody notices or slowing down,

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as we age do even more so that nobody notices that were slowing down.

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As if slowing down is this big bad shameful thing.

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Instead of exactly what the seasons and the moon and the tide and the plants and the animals are doing all around us.

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Right there is nothing wrong with you.

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But how those systems of Oppression have been braided into your understanding of what is right and good and possible for you.

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Makes it feel that way so that it's you but it's not you.

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And having this overarching understanding of what goes up must come down,

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I just put out a ton of energy and now it's time for me to turn towards myself so I can give a little bit of this back to myself.

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Now it's time for me to replenish my energy feed myself take care of myself because I matter because I can't just go around and around and around.

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I have a friend Tanja more and who says nothing runs on empty and it's true but you don't run on empty,

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right so when you get to that place of requiring that replenishment it only makes sense to at that time turn towards yourself and turn towards replenishing what has been used.

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That is the cycle of rest and creation use your Pure Energy restore your energy use up your energy restore your energy and so on and so forth.

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This is absolutely recipe for Burnout.

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Feel myself needing things IE rest restoration nourishment in multiple forms tending care.

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And feel so embarrassed about being so needy

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but I try to rev up an artificially do more drink more coffee be more effective get a new plan get a new system get a new Guru get a you know find a hack on Pinterest whatever,

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right pretend I'm not tired instead of.

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Honoring and revering my body in this natural energy cycle that exists in me and in the world around me

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so the second model if I had a magic wand we would all be able to do this immediately and.

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Peacefully which is notice that we are slowing down notice hey I've been on my phone more than usual hey I'm more tired than usual,

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hey I'm feeling more sensitive to feedback I'm going to call it criticism I know it's gonna feel like criticism but feedback then I might be otherwise feeling more emotionally fragile,

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I am having higher needs for nourishment rest everything that refills me.

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Write the signs of the contraction are clear.

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And because I honor and I respect my energy expenditure during the expansion.

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I am at least neutral.

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About being willing to turn now towards my own replenishment I'm not saying that you have to be joyfully skipping off into the sunset with your contraction although.

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I'm not opposed to that certainly but at least being neutral about the fact that oh hey this makes sense what goes up must come down this makes sense I just put out a bunch of energy I'm feeling tired,

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makes sense how can I care for myself during this time what boundaries do I need to protect my energy noting that I don't have a lot to go around.

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What. Self-care requirements might I have during this time that maybe I don't have all of the time but certainly are very present for me right now.

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What kindness can I offer myself to remind me that this isn't a forever thing this isn't I'm not doomed.

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But I am in a season of contraction and that may last.

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However long it lasts but I trust that you know my energy will recoup and return to me.

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And that I am going that it's safe,

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slow down a little bit take care of myself now this doesn't mean that you slow completely doesn't mean that you don't keep doing some of the things that you need to do you want to do but.

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You're going to instead of just doing it you're going to be thinking about can't do I actually have the capacity to do this thing,

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or you know I'm going to have to make some hard choices between my volunteer commitments am I going to be able to say yes to that project,

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am I going to kind of do I have the capacity to start a new hobby right now,

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you know you may be making different choices than you make it other times to honor the fact that you have more limited capacity during that season.

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And that's okay it's okay to have that.

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So we've now talked about both aspects of this expansion and contraction and talked about ways to start doing things differently.

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And I think that part of what is so powerful about this cycle and really bringing my awareness this cycle for me,

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is that I have learned through experience cycling through many expansions and contractions like the rest of us that what goes up must go down and will come up again.

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Because I have watched myself go into those grief Seasons go into those even some of the deepest contractions and know that somewhere,

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on the other side of it will be something different.

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And some of the deepest and darkest contractions for me have been around childbirth have been around major injuries.

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Deaths of people who are close to me those times where you are isolated and rethinking things.

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A couple of years ago I shattered my ankle in three places and was non-weight-bearing for six months and then had to learn how to walk again and they weren't sure if I was going to be able to walk again and it was very,

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scary and it was a really really dark time for me personally.

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And I didn't even notice how dark it was until I was a couple of years out from it and during that contraction.

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The pattern that I was really grappling with was this feeling of.

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If I can't do for the people around me what good am I.

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Kind of period at the time I had an 18 month old child and I had a partner

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and I was unable to even go to the bathroom by myself couldn't shower by myself certainly couldn't make myself food absolutely everything that I needed for the first time in my life I had to ask somebody else for,

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I guess my adult life you know obviously

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but baby times notwithstanding but it was extremely uncomfortable for me,

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and every day I would go through these struggles of.

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Needing support not feeling as though I deserve the support because I had done nothing to earn them then trying to artificially do something to earn them,

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meanwhile being so high on painkillers because I was in so much pain and was getting surgeries and it was terrible.

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And during these contractions where we need to rest we need to heal we need to come back together,

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what can be so useful.

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Especially when you know I spoke about the self-trust before and you're not going to have access to that right off the bat,

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that knowledge I remember when my baby was first born and I had,

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really a lot of postpartum depression and anxiety and there's this one night where I was up with my daughter in the night and I was absolutely positive.

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Absolutely positive that this would be the morning that the sun would not come up but I was going to be left alone in the dark with that baby for the rest of my life.

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And I felt so panicked and so snowed in by that darkness that it felt inescapable.

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And so there are times when that trust won't be available to you especially when you're in the beginning phases of honoring this energy cycle as it relates in your life and so.

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When that self-trust or that self connection is not supporting you through a contraction and what can be really nice is to create a bit of a through-line for you.

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So even though the Hallmark signs of contractions are about recuperating or energy it also takes a little bit of energy to stay with yourself

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as you Traverse the shadows of your psyche.

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So you may want to pay particular attention to a very basic.

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Through-line practice that grounds you when you are feeling untethered could be.

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I'm going to shower and get dressed every day could be I'm gonna eat breakfast before I drink my first cup of coffee or drink a glass of water before I drink my first cup of coffee.

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It could be I'm gonna go for a walk outside for 5 or 10 minutes in the morning could be anything.

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But giving yourself something that will let you will help carry you through and be a thing that you can depend on as you are learning how to depend on yourself.

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And keeping these micro promises to yourself even in that space of contraction can create this steadier foundation for you to stand on as you come through the contraction back into that state of expansion.

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For me one of these through Lyons is absolutely a connection to Nature.

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That's why I spoke about it at the beginning it is an ever-present model for me about what is possible and what I can trust in.

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So knowing that the season's work in the way that they do I live here in New England where we have a lot of Seasons we're here now with the Fall Foliage and a great reminder that

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you know what blooms is then returned to the Earth for decomposition to come up again in next year's crops,

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so looking at the world around you to remind you that you're not broken there's nothing wrong with you,

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if you are in a season of grief if you are in a contraction if you are you know breaking down composting and becoming something new.

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You can have patience with yourself move in your own right timing give to yourself and understand that these seasons have a timing of their own we are not in perfect control of everything in our lives that's a.

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You may not want to be where you are but that doesn't mean that you are not there.

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So the more that you are able to get on board and bring your awareness and your kindness your self compassion self love to.

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Who and how you are the better that it's going to feel every single.

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Music.

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Into the Nene podcast with Mara glatzel,

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if you want my support and learning how to nourish your needs dance on over to the needy podcast.com to take my quiz to figure out what you need right now and how to meet those needs with a greater sense of ease and confidence,

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Music.