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Music.

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It's your host Mara Glatzel and you are listening to the Needy podcast. Here at,

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Needy we are devoted to sharing frank conversations and true stories about what it means to meet your needs consistently, messily, and sustainably.

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Needy is a listener-funded podcast. Your contributions enable us to continue

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bringing you the delicious conversations you adore without advertisement or

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interruption. To become a member of the Needy inner circle and to get information about today's episode, dance on over to the needy podcast.com now onto today's show.

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Music.

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Hello everyone, welcome back to the needy podcast. This is your host Mara Glatzel and I am here

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today with a rare these days solo episode and I want to start with how I,

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feel about recording this solo episode at this exact moment because I think

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that how we show up what we show up for especially when we aren't feeling

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something is really important to eliminate. And as I've been thinking about this episode all day I've been thinking about that Patty Griffin song

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when it don't come easy.

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Kind of like how we create how we show up how we do things When it doesn't come easy because so often it doesn't so often,

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We are spread really thin so often. We are torn between priorities,

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encumbered by Things that we need to focus on by necessity for example at my house, we recently recovered from several rounds of an

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illness, ending with a whopper of a family stomach bug which we have never experienced as a full family before. And you know essentially how we pivot to,

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what is in front of us and how we learn to deal with the feelings that we're

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having about that, right? About our best laid plans, about our commitments, about,

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needing to be flexible and resilient in the face of a changing landscape and a,

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lack, a distinct lack of certainty. So a little backstory. I'm coming to you live

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almost three months, just about three months, from the birth of my book, Needy.

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And you know over the course of this year I've been pouring a lot of my my effort into publicizing that book.

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I've been on a ton of podcasts. If you've been following me on social media, you've seen me sharing all those podcasts.

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I've been guest teaching a lot. Been doing a lot of live in person and also at distance, speaking gigs

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and opportunities to connect with new audiences and share my work and share my book.

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And, you know, even before, for the year before that, I was pouring a ton of effort into editing that book

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and, you know, simultaneously caring for our loved one who was terminally ill with cancer

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and ultimately passed away after 10 months of caring for him last year.

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And the year before that, I was writing that damn book. So, the reason I'm sharing that is to pull back the curtain on what do we commit to?

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And publishing needy was.

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An extremely important realized dream for me, commitment for me, a stepping stone in my career

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that felt really juicy and delicious, continues to feel really juicy and delicious.

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And because I chose to prioritize that, other things made it to the wayside.

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And this is the way our life goes. And yet we are so well conditioned

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to believe that we can and should do all things

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all at the same time. And that if we don't have that kind of light from within or boundless energy to approach all of the things,

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it is our problem and not a setup in the scenario.

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And so one of the commitments that I made to myself when I thought about bringing this book to fruition

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was that it was an active choice.

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And I knew that saying yes to this big project would mean I would have to say no to a lot of things,

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akin to having a child.

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You know, I see having a child as obviously beyond this, but actively, it's like I am just trying to get pregnant,

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being pregnant, being in my first two years of postpartum time.

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It is a multi-year endeavor, during which it is your primary focus by necessity.

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And even when, obviously, because we need to do things like pay our mortgage,

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we might be doing multiple things at that same time, we're just one person in one body.

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And so I say all of this because I think we need to cut ourselves some slack.

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And I made a commitment to cut myself some slack. I knew that.

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Doing something like releasing a book into the world is the kind of thing where you work really really hard,

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until that day pub day,

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February 28th But that day is not gonna change your life I mean even if you hit the New York Times bestseller list, I guess like then, you know

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Maybe it changes your life, but even so I have questions.

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That day the ripple effects of what you've created are going to be reverberating for years and years and years and,

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Yet again, we have this conditioning around. Okay, this is it. This is go time like this is the day and,

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Everything's gonna be different after this day. And of course some things are but most things aren't.

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It's just like a birthday or another big event where you think Oh promotion day

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marriage, wedding day. This is the moment that's gonna catapult me into this whole

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whole new stratosphere.

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We are becoming all the time. And I don't want to pretend that publishing

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and promoting Needy didn't change me, because it did.

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You know, I feel like I grew up more in the last six months than I had in years before that.

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And that growth process really had to do with this reckoning of, am I willing to stand behind my own work?

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Am I willing to go out and say, Here, this is what I believe in.

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This is, I made something beautiful for you and I stand behind it 100%.

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And how doing so for my book would make me also do so for my work as a whole and what it looks like

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to be in front of a whole bevy of new eyeballs.

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And it's powerfully transformative, but, and, it doesn't change everything.

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And with that great expansion comes unnecessary contraction.

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And we've talked about this cycle of expansion and contraction here on the needy podcast before,

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but it's something that I see with my clients, see with myself, we need to keep revisiting. We need to keep talking about

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how what goes up must by necessity come down and what expands must by necessity,

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at some point contract so that it can expand again. And that we too, just like

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the seasons, just like the tide, just like the moon, are always in this process

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of creation and this waning fallow time, these tiny deaths, these rebirths, and that.

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Too often, we code that in our understanding of ourselves as something's wrong, or I'm,

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a failure, or my favorite, least favorite, I don't know what's wrong with me.

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I hear this every day. I don't know what's wrong with me.

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I'm just so tired. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's really hard to record my podcast right now.

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I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't want to write another email.

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And a practice that I have for myself is validating. I know exactly what is quote unquote wrong with me.

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I don't really use that language. I'm more apt to say I know what's up with me, for example.

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But I know what's up with me. What's up with me is over the last three years I've poured so much creative effort into my work,

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into my parenting, into my broader caregiving, that I am in a period of recouping.

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I'm in a period of giving to myself and refilling. I'm in a period of rest, right?

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And a lot of that's active rest. And so, just a reminder,

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you're gonna read a lot about this if you read needy.

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You're gonna hear a lot about this if you take a class with me, but I talk about passive rest,

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which is sleep or, you know, horizontal rest, and active rest, which is any activity

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that gives you more than it takes to complete.

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So for me, active rest includes things like cooking dinner or walking my dog outside in nature,

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being outside kind of period, the end, but also things like detailing my car.

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You know, the energetic boon that I get from organizing a small space is far outweighs the effort.

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Of course it takes effort, but it far outweighs the effort that it requires.

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So net gain, that's a win for me. That's an active rest activity.

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So when I was thinking today about this Patty Griffin song, When It Don't Come Easy,

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I started thinking about what is coming easily right now.

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Right now. And the things that are coming easily to me right now are...

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Falling asleep with my kids and. Waking up with my kids in the middle of the night and getting into bed with them and sleeping next to them and,

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you know, they're both on this cusp of they're about to have their birthdays and,

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they've been really needy over the last couple of weeks and,

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It it pleases me to meet their needs. It pleases me to slow down with them It feels natural and right to align my energy with theirs.

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So that I'm done working for the day when they go to bed. I usually fall asleep next to one of them

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and then maybe get up and watch some TV but I never pull my computer back out or anything.

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And what's coming easily to me right now is pouring my energy into my local community.

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I've talked about in the past here that I serve on multiple boards and committees

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and I'm a member of the Local Housing Authority.

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I do a lot of work with affordable housing and I'm also the chair of the Local Comprehensive Plan Committee,

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which is a town-wide committee

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that's tasked with creating this big document that kind of outlines the next five to 10 years

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for the future of my town.

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And I spend a lot of my energy every week writing emails, in meetings, crafting this document,

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working with people and advocating, a lot of advocating.

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I'm a good public speaker, and also I love to speak publicly.

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And so I put that to use in my local community a fair amount.

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And that feels great. That's coming easily. I'm going to meetings.

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We just had town meeting. I had my heart broken about a most recent vote.

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And that's what it is. That's good work. It's local work.

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And so in thinking about how we perseverate on what's not coming easily,

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what feels hard or big or too much.

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It's like, I hear this from business owners all the time. I can't show up on Instagram right now and I'm hyper-focused on how not showing up on Instagram,

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is negatively impacting my business.

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Or I can't show up in this way, or I can't write things out.

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And instead of hyper-focusing on what's not working, what would be different for us

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if we got curious about what is working, right?

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So during my book launch, I became keenly aware that I had no words left in me.

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If you've been on my newsletter list, you will know that this last year,

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you haven't gotten a lot from me.

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And that's because words have not been coming easily.

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But I've been having a lot of conversations. I've been recording videos for my stories on Instagram.

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I'm here hanging out with you now. I've been recording, being on a lot of podcasts and really enjoying being interviewed,

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finding a lot of, getting a lot of energy from that.

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And so what's different for us if we ask the question of.

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What might work? What is coming easily? Could I—I'll tell you what I don't do anymore—return emails with text?

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Because I sit there and I look at my inbox and I look at my inbox and I look at my inbox

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and just feel exhausted by writing one more word.

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And so I don't. I have a little loom attachment. I record up a video and I say whatever it is that I was gonna say, you know,

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It's usually five ten minutes and send that off instead and is that what people are expecting from me?

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Maybe not but it enables me to Approach the things that I need to do to run my business to be here

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that I want to do to support my clients and do it in a way that is working for me and.

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And so, when we're thinking about, when we're in this space, this necessary space of contraction,

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how can we get creative and curious about how to sink deeper into self-connection and into self-trust?

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And how can we meet ourselves where we are with as much compassion and understanding

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as possible and make it work?

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And maybe it looks different than we thought it would, maybe it looks different than we think it should,

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but what is possible for us in this space?

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And so as I was thinking about coming onto this podcast today, I have been dragging my feet,

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on outlining the perfect podcast for all of you.

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And I thought, well, I'm gonna talk about this, I'm gonna talk about that, or this is a salient point.

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And every time I would go to outline the podcast, I would get exhausted.

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And I just would drag my feet. And so it was an opportunity for me to ask the question

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of how might I want to approach this differently?

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What is possible for me right now? And really believing that meeting myself where I am

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and delivering what is possible for me right now is valuable.

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And talking about the process is valuable.

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Because I know how many of us get stuck in that place of beating ourselves up when it's not coming easily.

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Beating ourselves up because we aren't able to do things the way we think it should be done,

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or the way everyone else is doing it. Or when our expectations for how we're gonna feel are vastly different than how we feel,

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and so we have to pivot. Or when you're like me and you get sick for two weeks, all of a sudden you're better, great, all systems go,

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and then your whole family gets knocked out by a stomach bug and everything comes to a screeching halt

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again while you wash everything in your house,

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multiple times.

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And that that is life. That is life. And as a recovering perfectionist and control freak,

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I hate that about life.

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It's not easy. It's not easy. But it's true.

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And so what does it look like to approach that truth with as much self-kindness and self-compassion

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and resiliency and trust as possible?

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What does it look like to be who and how you are out loud? You know, I've been sharing a little bit

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about how I've been feeling in this contraction on social media.

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And every time I get emails from people that say, oh my gosh, are you okay? What's wrong?

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How's it going? or who are just generally turned off by the presence of truth or struggle.

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And those messages used to make me want to take it all back and have this kind of hip check feeling

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of never gonna say that again.

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Being mad that people are pitying me or thinking that I can't hack it or whatever people are thinking, right?

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And I'm not responsible for what people are thinking, but I am responsible for telling my truth,

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as clearly and as often as possible.

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And sometimes that truth looks like it's not coming easily right now.

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I'm burnt out right now. I'm tired right now. I'm sick, I've been sick, I'm sick again.

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It's inconvenient. I'm a human being.

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I have a whole host of health stuff. I have, you know, children.

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I have whatever it is, right? That we have this, generally speaking, cultural low tolerance for people being

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how they are out loud.

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And we kinda let them know that they're not acting right by sending them messages and saying,

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Oh no, how are you doing?

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Driving them nuts with those kinds of messages.

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But here's the thing, we all benefit.

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We all benefit when we talk about it. We all benefit when we are clear about our needs and our boundaries.

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And for me, at this point in my life, I have a fully fleshed out commitment to my body.

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To my energy, to my, the things that I value, to my family, to my kids, to my work.

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And I'm unwilling to do anything that's going to endanger the consistency and the sustainability,

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of my ecosystem. And yeah, I mean, shit happens and sometimes I get knocked sideways just like

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like everyone else, but by and large.

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I control the pace and I control the care and my bedtime and the boundaries that I have with myself

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about what I need and what I say yes to and what I say no to and exercising all of those things

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for my highest good so that I can become the fertile soil the fertile soil for my next project or my next thing, there's value in that. And

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there's value in saying out loud, this is what I'm doing. Because permission loves company.

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And what you allow yourself and how you allow yourself that thing, meaning out loud and in the presence of other people,

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sparks that resonance and that reverberation of permission that expands out from you.

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And what you allow yourself, people then see as a model of possibility for what they might allow themselves.

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And the more that we are able to expand out in that way.

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The more permission we all are able to give ourselves. But that begins with these conversations of,

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you know, what's not coming easily right now and why?

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And what judgments do I have about that, right? Because you would be 100% correct

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if you thought that I spent the last two days,

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stewing in judgment, knowing that the podcast that I was gonna record was vastly different than the podcast

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I thought I should record.

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And those two days were spent in conversation with myself, reminding myself that this has value,

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that I believe that with every fiber of my being,

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that when we talk about what we're prioritizing, how we're prioritizing it, what we're saying no to,

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how we feel about that, because it doesn't have to feel great.

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You don't have to say like, oh yeah, I'm downsizing my life and it feels awesome.

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It can feel like crap. You can have a ton of grief and you can know that you need to do it anyway.

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And so the more that we're able to talk about that and share in good company,

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the more permission we're all gonna feel.

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To contract when we're contracting. And to really surrender.

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To thinking about what we can take off the table from actual agenda items to the pressure that we put on ourselves

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to be better and more than we are. And that's what I'm here for. That's the crux of so much of my work.

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And so, here we are. I'm in a contraction. It's been a long year so far.

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And I'm spending a lot of time sleeping next to my children.

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And cooking them dinner. And talking to people about affordable housing.

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And hanging out, watching Grace and Frankie, and that's enough.

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Music.

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Thanks for listening to the NeNe Podcast with Mara Glatzel. If you want my support in learning how to nourish your needs, dance on over to thenenepodcast.com

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to take my quiz to figure out what you need right now and how to meet those needs with

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greater sense of ease and confidence. If you loved today's show, please leave us a review on iTunes

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and consider joining the Needy Inner Circle, where your monthly contribution enables us to

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continue bringing you the delicious conversations you adore without advertisement or interruption.

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To become a member of the Needy Inner Circle and gain access to the inspiring behind-the-scenes

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treats we've whipped up for you, skip to TheNeedyPodcast.com. And, as always,

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Permission loves company, so if there is a human in your life that you think will benefit

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from this conversation, I would be so grateful if you would share it with me.

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Music.