Centering the wellbeing of my heart has shifted my life completely, both in terms of life quality as well as what I'm drawn to and value. Surrender to Allaah in tawakul is the true soft life.

Allaah's love has saved my life & healed my heart

Mar 31st, 2024 24m 18s

a stream of consciousness

Life outside the amygdala

Mar 28th, 2024 27m 49s

As this ramadan has had me focused on healing the heart, I've pondered a lot on the tangible meaning of healing? And i share my musings on how society is set up to break down healing in order to keep you in amygdala hijack (which i explain) and

When surrender feels like failure//my tawakul journey

Mar 27th, 2024 17m 59s

Taking you through my tawakul journey and how the biggest obstacle has been that the essence of tawakul is ego death and to relinquish control and futurity. Things that feel like the death of all possibility and resigning myself to despair. And

Eemaan is a bottom-up process

Mar 12th, 2024 30m 40s

I go into breaking down verse 32 in surah al-Furqaan and how the heart is both the organ for receiving knowledge in the form of light but also responsible for inspiring the body in ways that become physical acts of worship, and retain that ligh

The self-hate that builds empires

Dec 28th, 2023 17m 52s

I explore the connections between pain, despair and self-hate and how the western hegemony and capitalism turns us against our bodies protests against self-exploitation. This by framing pain as an evidence of innate fault that we need to achiev

The audacity of being Somali

Oct 22nd, 2023 11m 52s

I recount how a trip to Somalia as a teen was formative in my identity and my decolonization by experiencing being unmasked and being celebrated for my unmasked self. The unshaming of weirdness and anger by local Somalis radicalized me in rejec

How you see yourself is how you see Allaah

Oct 11th, 2023 7m 38s

I talk about how shaytaan uses the inner critic and negative self-perception as a way to manipulate and infiltrate both our conceptualization of Allaah's power in changing our material reality as well as His goodwill for us.Attacks on self ar

Subconscious riptides & how our bodies are weaponized against us (prt2)

Oct 10th, 2023 13m 57s

I continue on the realization of how shaytaan uses subconscious fears to amplify a sense of depravation and lack that I have to compensate for. And that the implication is that Allaah is not going to help me. When in fact, the liberation I need

The subconscious riptides shaytaan uses to sabotage us

Oct 10th, 2023 9m 56s

I go into a subtle activation pattern I've noticed that is behind one of the most stubborn behaviours I've been unable to shift. And I take it apart to reveal that the most stubborn complexes do not answer to force. Their root fear that they've

Calling to the dimensions of Allaah's mercy

Oct 9th, 2023 19m 41s

After a long hiatus, I return to share thoughts and reflections around the nature of what I share on social media, why I share it and what my sole intention and desire is in sharing it. I hope it finds those who have the ears to listen and rece

An incompatible reality is the biggest source of dysregulation

Jan 26th, 2022 17m 18s

I reflect on the months since summer and what a reality not in communication with the body looks like. How not everything good is compatible. And how an incompatible life puts one in constant conflict between the safety of the body (the whole)

Seek what calls you, not what compels you.

Nov 17th, 2021 13m 56s

When your inner resources and abilities mature, you arrive at a crossroads: to either sell your energy to the highest bidder and have the meaning of your life depend on how well you can market it, or to follow what fills your heart and which yo

The key to myself is to say yes to my nos

Nov 14th, 2021 9m 53s

No is my energy redirecting me to where it's unfolding. I'm unlearning the fear in diverting from routines and established norms when it doesn't inspire, and the societal lie that routines give us stability and predictability. Adapting my life

In moments of disruption don't resist, surrender

Nov 13th, 2021 12m 58s

As I face new levels of relational threats bc I'm sharing more with society and in real time, I'm reflecting on how that's affecting me. That as I share what's emergent it disrupts and triggers the status quo, it sometimes backfire where I rece

Regulation merges you with the future. Dysregulation loops you into the past

Nov 6th, 2021 12m 59s

I explore how breakdowns can also mean the end of the past and the beginning of the multiple choice point that is the future. It is a dreadful place at first, and our response to the fear creates our new direction: going deeper into the unknown

How to regulate without having to isolate

Sep 30th, 2021 14m 40s

I explore a meaningful insight I received about isti'aana and seeking to be regulated by Allaah that made me understand how I could match my inner resources/urges to my window of tolerance without having to rely on my mind or fall into shame fo

Rest is how you take up space

Sep 19th, 2021 15m 10s

You may fight and wrestle however you can,but it's not until you release what's been digesting in you that things can land to take root, to sprout more of you. I explore the connection between rest-trust-flow and how we may release what we hold

Unlearning survival

May 22nd, 2021 14m 59s

I realized that my constant search for context was my mind still hungover from trauma survival, and an implicit understanding that if I centre something other than myself, I can adapt & not disrupt. Learning to centre nothing but my engagement,

Seeking the horizon that'll carry me home

May 14th, 2021 12m 59s

I'm yearning to find the direction to what magnetizes my spirit. I want the world that makes it possible & safe to show up & share. I'm not settling for what version of the world is being presented for me. I need a life-affirming horizon to gui

When chaos hijacks time

May 13th, 2021 13m 11s

I sense that humanity is entering a collective era where logic & control will dissolve bc things will be unexpected & disruptive. And what happened in my own life that made me realize that the only way forward is through surrender.

Actualizing tawakul requires a stable nervous system

Apr 20th, 2021 15m 10s

I talk about my journey to tawakul & reflect upon the lessons of prophet Musa alayhissalaam & his exodus in surah ash-Shua'araa (26) & how remaining present makes you a conduit for miracles.

My inner sun & how it's weaving new patterns through my life

Apr 19th, 2021 26m 23s

I'm exploring how a sunny day lead me through a network of analogies involving the immune system, personal power, movement of energy & coordination of the body. Be warned that it's very scattered brained.

The Loss of the Contextual Reality of Somalis

Apr 14th, 2021 16m 59s

I'm exploring the impact of losing the context of a culture, shared experiences, collective meaning & being judged & demeaned for buckling under that life-distorting impact. When we understand what's behind difficulties & inability to move forw

What they don't tell you about healing from trauma: synchronized processing

Jan 4th, 2021 18m 3s

When you're in a survival mode, you're decentralized & preemptive while suppressing all other non-essential parts of you. When healed, these parts come online with their own energy & need, requiring you to become more centralized in how you int