0:12

Hey, it's Brian Possain, Nerd

0:15

Poker. We're calling it the

0:18

Mountain Campaign. My friends

0:20

are here, Sarah, Chris,

0:23

Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam,

0:25

and of course, our

0:27

kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer.

0:30

Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey

0:37

everybody, it's Brian Possain. Oh, coming

0:39

in hot. It's

0:41

episode 14 of the Mountain

0:43

Campaign. This

0:47

is not Rotes Possain, this is his

0:49

dad. All my

0:51

friends are here, except we're down Sarah again.

0:55

Wow. We'll talk about that

0:57

in a minute. That

1:00

poor lady and her characters. She

1:03

wasn't even here last week when we killed her. Spoiler.

1:08

My friends are here. Looking

1:10

at one of them. Yeah,

1:12

what about it? I wasn't going to talk to you.

1:15

Oh, shit. He's just looking at

1:17

one of them. He drew you out.

1:19

He fucking can't see everybody. Stupid. Sorry

1:21

Ken. I'm going to yell for the

1:23

classic eye-gull. Yeah, what's up with that?

1:25

Why would you ever fall for that? Chris.

1:29

All right. You

1:31

guys, we were walking a tightrope. How you doing,

1:33

man? Great, how are

1:35

you? Good. Love

1:38

that shirt. Cool. Flash

1:40

Gordon. Classic. Max Fonsaito.

1:43

Yes. Good stuff. Oh,

1:45

yeah, it's one of those. Yeah, well, Flash is in the background there. Mm-hmm. Phleidus,

1:48

you look bored. That's a villain. Dan,

1:52

how are you? I'm

1:55

fine. How are you? Weird. I

1:58

try to do a slow turn. I don't think I'm going to do that. Before

2:01

heading for yeah, But I was. Seat

2:04

Tenets. That

2:06

Me? My. Friend Blaine

2:09

is here. Oh hi guys! I

2:11

was just dispatching War Rocket Ajax

2:13

to bring back is booties separate.

2:17

Separate. Idea

2:20

of. Fakes. Like

2:22

Lisa was. ah it seems as the

2:24

end of the table and so great

2:26

Have him here Hello Sweetie Weldon says

2:29

not a table with you at not

2:31

at the end of it. I have

2:33

a name for the group. I was

2:35

at a show last Sunday at our

2:37

Dynasty Typewriter that randy self face which

2:39

is a company puppets. Ah and afterwards

2:41

a guy came up and give me

2:43

twenty dollars to the so. Grants

2:47

Grants is a puppeteer who

2:49

I am as a puppy.

2:51

Named totally T Paper. Known

2:54

as a great it's just so you're preaching.

2:56

It's super funny to at the toy li

2:59

on Instagram that's awesome I was trying to

3:01

sell for you see? Oh I l E

3:03

y de toi lot of know how to

3:05

spell it. Thanks for mileage! Jaeger is really

3:08

really funny. Have seen perform says mommy. Manassas.

3:11

Ah, you understand some

3:13

more people. I'm. Gonna thank

3:15

you to pay transfers that are top

3:17

two tiers. They go by user names

3:19

like flying fish. Thirty three Thank you.

3:23

And keep Jeremy Rossman. Things.

3:25

You can throws bones. For

3:29

this ass, you. Think.

3:31

You have this many years later still

3:33

have these effects are not that so

3:35

good. sometimes I'll be lane awake at

3:37

night but if I do have skill

3:39

to the sitting on about. It,

3:42

What is it like? Ah thank

3:45

you. Tony. Whistles

3:47

their full sixty nine Thank you. Pretty

3:49

sure all of y'all would have killed

3:52

That said, you're torturing blade buffer fast

3:54

as a seizure not rod for them

3:56

Davis and thank you I will raise

3:58

you to toilet frogs. No. Like

4:01

you undead Johnny, Think you

4:03

raven clocked recess, Think you

4:05

damn hinders. Pins. Heinz

4:07

a few. Holly I'm thinking

4:09

corpus Callosum Think you have

4:11

seen outrage. Thank you James.

4:14

Amaranth. Now think you the sake,

4:16

Vince. Think you

4:18

tic tacs downstairs mixed Us

4:20

Epa. Think you are

4:22

Martha Mans mighty more fun Months of

4:25

many common. So much so I have

4:27

my wrists think you tell their own

4:29

jones and finally thank you. Blame.

4:32

Blood Blaze who Blaine Who Blaine

4:34

who are Blaine are are though

4:36

blame patrons Plane Those page rounds

4:38

brought to us by plane will

4:40

have paid Trump supporters fructose. Buy

4:43

a dress for have brought to

4:45

us by Centerville Rolex. Your kids

4:47

are going to do it anyway.

4:49

So why not? Great offensive Know.

4:53

And misconstrue.

4:55

Sees the place You learn to ride

4:58

a horse. Smith and Stream.

5:00

Sees the place you learn to fear.

5:05

That the zebra. It's

5:07

about time. With. My

5:09

windscreen might. Really?

5:12

eight it a month ago. To.

5:15

Talk about what happened last time.

5:17

Unnerved. poker. Boy. Scouts.

5:21

Of part suggests are Isis and No

5:23

One's Farnese I I my nose is

5:25

screwed up from when I had cove

5:28

it. I smell a big ghosts of

5:30

things like after they're already gone it's

5:32

the weirdest are used always accuse me

5:34

of us of farting in an all

5:36

time I knew her I've barely to

5:39

the solder foreigners my might just be

5:41

very sensitive is no no I am

5:43

burping a lot out of Ma'am fargo

5:45

be made from afar and. Could.

5:49

Be him outside anyway before it was

5:51

unnecessarily them outside. So. sorry

5:54

as our sample medical am

5:56

a whole drunk. But

5:59

we've added. Some

6:04

stuff happened on. Everybody

6:07

dies. We are made contact

6:09

with a bunch of clang

6:11

Odst, some Muslim, her dad

6:13

and some of our era

6:15

is are dead or well

6:17

at least a Spanish is

6:19

unconscious. had zero hit points

6:21

and bricks are new, friend

6:23

is unconscious. A direct points

6:25

and to fail to death.

6:27

See the Roast Israel says

6:29

you know of daily deals

6:31

up on a cage. A

6:34

bit of a both big. I

6:36

laid it out visually pretty well.

6:38

Last episode on Bites. There's

6:40

a bunch of cages, tortured tools,

6:43

stuff like that. And I

6:45

are. There is a staff that

6:47

you know his own. I mean. There's

6:49

an eye or may be really excellent. Silvers

6:53

Ssssss. Ah,

6:56

the fight. They close my laptop. I.

6:58

Just wanted to do something for affects gift.

7:00

So for at the top the Turner. Chris.

7:03

I. I before

7:06

you go, guess you're a southerner.

7:08

I realize I did not have

7:10

our spectral friend go my western.

7:12

so he goes and disappears and

7:14

has been gone. For. A

7:17

bubbles, three people's turns and now it

7:19

is yours. Cool,

7:21

I'm I'm going to have.

7:24

Ah grab of. Against

7:27

say as probably in my bag or

7:29

a my belt. Ah, I have to.

7:31

Potions of Superior suing. I'm going to

7:33

grab one of them. I'm

7:35

going to wind down with

7:38

him. And run up

7:40

to your unconscious breaths. And

7:43

pour it in her mouth.

7:45

All right Romeva healing points

7:47

for bricks please? I believe

7:49

that Eight The eight Plus

7:51

eight. Nice. You

7:53

might check that was and

7:55

superior. Better. Was yeah. I'm

8:01

on it. Security you utterly hurrah. Eight

8:03

Eighty Four Flexing started Eighty Four and

8:05

Wow. Okay, I have a d for

8:07

here via. Remote

8:12

Or so that seven.

8:14

Oh. Thank you. For

8:17

me since I don't mess it up. Reinforcements.

8:22

Eleven. Sooo.

8:27

In this three So fourteen

8:29

to this of last one.

8:33

And two And four, six, So

8:35

twenty. Alright, As

8:37

a gurgling eyes as she comes to. Choose.

8:43

And then I will see.

8:46

How. Much move into a have less

8:48

Dan or that what a band that

8:51

fifteen twenty twenty five. so I have

8:53

ten more. Last maybe just don't. Know.

8:57

How you say right there

8:59

far with my so that

9:01

guess my short swords drawn like

9:04

to come on you bastards

9:06

and do as intimidation jack.

9:09

And. There's

9:12

a direct your face that's true. No.

9:15

Bonus: ah that's a hot thirteen. yeah

9:17

I'm really affect him. He just sort

9:19

of glare as an eye on it's

9:21

i'm a squirrel. I accept that as

9:24

it is. But. Hey I wanted to

9:26

give you a shop and you can! Europe's. I

9:29

remain. As Europe's

9:31

the system assists and my cancer

9:33

Americans you know we should look

9:35

this up because I feel like

9:37

this is either being done correctly

9:39

or. We. Are cheating.

9:41

You have narrative so spare the

9:43

dying. Yeah.

9:46

That's it. Certainly has their own. You've

9:49

been stabilized, still unconscious. I say this.

9:52

But where is he said? He's in our hearts

9:54

on the ground, raining here, dead over there, By.

9:57

as guess none dare just drained

10:00

Yeah. Okay. All

10:04

right. Don't mind me. So

10:10

let's see.

10:13

Why would somebody be honking their horn like that? Hmm.

10:17

So they love me rhythmically and sexual advertising.

10:20

Remind me who unlocked the cage, who got

10:22

the iron keys that unlocked the cage that

10:24

let bricks out. I thought lap

10:26

phone. Was it me? Yeah. I feel like it

10:28

was me. Okay. Will you do a insight

10:31

check, please? Uh,

10:37

16. Okay. You remembered after

10:40

unlocking it to pick keys and put them back

10:42

in your pouch. My

10:44

primordial pouch. Meow. Nice. Uh-huh.

10:47

Can I get a wisdom saving throw from Dallytail,

10:49

please? Oh,

10:52

this merciless specter.

10:56

Wisdom you said? Yeah. Two. Oh, natural 20

10:58

plus two. Yeah.

11:02

You shake off the chilling sensation you feel.

11:05

In the moment that our souls touch, do

11:07

I know anything about this ghost? Insight uhhh.

11:16

Uh, well I rolled a three plus five eight.

11:19

Uh, you know, I mean you can tell that

11:21

it's some sort of humanoid, uh,

11:23

probably sentient. I can't

11:26

give you much more other than that. Okay. As I

11:28

free myself from its grasp, I'll be like, we're

11:31

trying to stop them. If you were

11:33

one of their victims, we're trying to

11:35

save people like you. I

11:39

mean, I don't know if it's sentient enough. Um,

11:43

but that's fun. All right.

11:45

So now the guy in front of Dallytail is going to start

11:47

slashing at him. It's

11:50

fair enough. Oh, he

11:52

botched it. Yeah. Stabs

11:54

himself in his own asshole. Come on,

11:56

Dan. Second botch this fight. 35

12:01

all right, so he is going to

12:03

cut his friend I'm

12:08

not into these guys these

12:11

guys are like weird creepos flashes

12:13

at you again. There'll be 20 to hit that

12:15

hits All

12:18

right five points of flashing damage This

12:25

other guy is going to run

12:27

up to you and start clawing at you Dolly

12:29

Joe These

12:32

guys are relentless. Oh,

12:34

you know what? I picked up my new feet

12:37

thing. I think this is a display here I'm

12:39

about to tell you what he rolled to attack

12:41

Oh, well when you do when a creature hits

12:43

you with an attack you gain plus four to

12:45

AC against all subsequent attacks made By that creature

12:48

of the rest of the turn. So that second

12:50

one. What was that one to hit? Um

12:56

This is a new attacker right now I'm saying the

12:58

one before this where I just got damaged I'm realizing

13:00

that my feet would have potentially made it

13:02

so I didn't get hit Sam

13:05

check the tape I Crips,

13:09

I hope is this feet doesn't fail him now I

13:11

feel like it was well the best I could push

13:13

it up is 21 it wouldn't have been a 20

13:15

wasn't a 21 So

13:18

then forget it so then I'm still here. Okay, so

13:20

there's a 17 hits 17

13:23

hits, okay That'll

13:27

be seven points the flashing damage,

13:29

okay Does your AC

13:31

go up? Yes, it does. Okay.

13:33

What is it now? 21

13:36

all right 24

13:40

to hit that hit Jesus Seven

13:45

points of flashing damage you on my

13:48

Furry feet but very like limping and

13:50

because I'm like a weird little animal

13:52

character. It's much sadder Yeah, then Sarah.

13:54

This is my home. No big big

13:56

eyes. Yeah brave

14:01

tears the

14:04

fellow with the staff waves his

14:06

staff you see there is a

14:08

pile of flesh

14:13

just like a lumpy grisly

14:17

pile of humanoid

14:19

meat and it starts to swap together

14:25

hold itself to its feet worse

14:30

and you just see this bloated humanoid

14:33

starting to expand that's

14:35

powerful okay we're about

14:37

to get attacked by

14:39

Steven Seagal and

14:42

it it's just it's either

14:44

dead they're just like white

14:46

eyes okay and it's just

14:48

sort of staring at you two right

14:50

now like you just

14:55

see him cast another spell that appears

14:57

to be beneficial

14:59

to himself this

15:06

room is hell it's

15:08

not great it's not certainly not

15:10

certainly a div experience I am

15:12

NOT I am NOT giving a

15:14

good review okay uh boy

15:17

you're up I'm casting

15:20

spiritual weapon okay and

15:22

I'm going to swing

15:24

at the guy that just did the

15:27

thing the guy over by the door the

15:29

mage yeah the wizard yes

15:35

okay roll

15:37

to attack what

15:39

kind of weapon are you 17 it's a mace

15:41

me okay so it's a 17 to

15:44

hit nice

15:47

and it's a force

15:50

1d8 plus my

15:52

spell casting ability

15:54

modifier that's eight

15:58

plus the A

16:04

plus 6 14. All

16:06

right. So and my Flashes

16:09

it on. Okay, and I'm gonna I'm

16:12

going to use my

16:14

movement to get away from this thing Okay,

16:17

I'm going to Run

16:20

it over Run

16:22

over here a little bit knock. I'm gonna knock

16:24

everything 30 feet. Yeah But

16:27

I have cat I've cat speed

16:29

what's your speed my

16:31

cat speed is meow No,

16:35

that's not a number bottom center of your front page.

16:37

It is to a cat so

16:40

it's a 30

16:42

feet but I have double I can

16:44

do double my speed when I move on my

16:46

turn in combat I can double my speed till

16:49

the eye. So you have another you move another

16:51

30 feet if you want You

16:55

Know I'm just gonna stay over here.

16:57

Okay Just so

16:59

I can I can see stuff but they

17:01

can't really see me. So Brian you're up

17:05

I'm gonna turn on that big

17:08

fleshy fucking pile of shit Double

17:13

attack them. Okay roll to

17:15

attack. Oh Crip

17:17

nice plus five. All right, roll that

17:20

down if I'm on the battle axe It's

17:23

double this right? Mm-hmm. So

17:25

eight plus two

17:30

Ten What

17:33

bird? No? Hmm 16.

17:36

No, I rolled it for oh Yeah,

17:39

so eight. Yeah, okay 10

17:41

and then I know Long

17:46

sword Oh

17:50

hit again 17 plus 5 nice

17:52

that's a hit No...

18:30

No... You got a

18:32

crit, two attacks per go. Oh,

18:42

okay. The first one was another 17 plus five.

18:45

He's just been attacking forever. Wait,

18:47

I had to roll in high, man. You get four attacks,

18:50

you get four attacks? Yeah, I get double... I'm

18:52

dual-weeding. I'm dual-wielding. So

18:56

I get four, right? No, you get

18:58

two. You can use one and then the

19:00

other. No. Right? Yeah,

19:03

we talked about this episode like three. So

19:05

if you're dual-wielding, that doesn't give you twice as many

19:07

attacks as someone else. It just means you can use

19:09

one or the other. Okay,

19:12

so... That doesn't seem right. Can

19:17

we pause for a second? Yeah,

19:28

I think the big thing with dual-wielding is it takes... You

19:32

roll your damage normally. You can use the bonus action to

19:34

make another attack. Right. Okay.

19:37

So if you have two attacks, you're getting three

19:39

because you're getting your two

19:41

attacks that you get for your attack

19:43

action and then the bonus action. Then you can spend your

19:45

bonus action to make a third attack. You get three attacks.

19:47

That's pretty good. But for each attack, you don't get to

19:49

take one hand and swing it twice. Okay. Gotcha.

19:53

Okay. Alright. Then let's come

19:55

back. That

19:58

will have been your bonus action, Brian. Gotcha!

20:01

Say. It again. Next

20:05

is was trying to cheat. I just

20:07

have some more general and my time

20:09

at blow know to catch our deposit

20:12

so we can Canada. And

20:15

man, Sarah's.

20:17

Gonna get to her feet. Yeah.

20:20

And start on saying. Nice.

20:24

Body. And start measure Hansen said

20:26

bit. Of a his. Says

20:31

punches. The

20:33

slog guy. And.

20:37

She's gonna go for her flurry of

20:40

blows. That's another hits. And

20:43

he just see her like. Shit

20:46

it right in the ribs and there's just

20:48

a crunching and a splattering noise. And then

20:50

the other areas of the ground and France

20:53

and see this big freighter were half of

20:55

it's rib cage. a supposed to be. Ah,

21:00

Right network or to do

21:02

it for Sarah. Chris

21:04

Europe's ah, I'm going to.

21:09

Make. Dealing with the Phillies are.

21:12

with their stuff so there's still a guy of

21:15

the ah yes of there to guide them are

21:17

three guys that. I will.

21:21

I'm going to for my

21:23

accent, I'm going to disengage

21:25

from whom I'm going to

21:27

use my movements to rotate

21:29

around to ten was on

21:31

the ground. And

21:34

for my bonus action I'm

21:36

going to for a potion.

21:39

Into Kim's Mouse or you do look

21:41

up for the same one. The Legal

21:44

Services. It's or inside

21:46

can I will take your dies

21:48

You have. So

21:51

can can back away for a couple

21:53

rounds magnetized and submit them. Are there

21:55

were you know? it's it's A. It's

21:57

a rotating. so Four,

22:02

six, ten. Good.

22:07

Eleven, fifteen, seventeen, and

22:09

then two more. Nineteen,

22:15

twenty-one. Nice. How

22:18

many potions do you have left, Chris? I

22:20

don't have any more superior. Those were my

22:22

two superior. Got it. So

22:25

yeah, one for bricks and then

22:27

one. Cool. Friends, we

22:30

fight together. Oh, what? Oh, I

22:32

was a... Will

22:34

that do it for your turn, sir? Yep, that's it. All

22:37

right. And you're up. Oh,

22:39

I'm going to attack this guy immediately. First you

22:41

get up to your feet. Spring to

22:43

my feet and attack. Oh, and

22:45

you're Irish now. That's... Sometimes

22:49

when people get head injuries, they come back

22:51

with accents. True. I

22:54

am going to... Let's see if I

22:56

can spell a minute. Fuck

22:58

this guy up, man. Can

23:02

you two use one that murders him? Well,

23:05

I hope two. Yeah. You

23:08

want this, baby? Hey.

23:12

I don't

23:14

have that anymore. Oh,

23:17

no. What? Also,

23:19

he's a sorcerer in melee range, so

23:22

this will be interesting. This

23:25

guy. Oh, you're going to do

23:27

that guy? Oh, no. I see what you're saying. I'm

23:29

a sorcerer. Yeah, that's what you're saying. Got

23:32

it. He's a wisered. Yeah. You

23:34

know, approximately. I'm

23:38

going to sleep, so I didn't have a chance to

23:40

prepare. Let's hit both

23:43

of them, maybe. 15

23:45

feet. How far

23:47

away is this, feller? 5,

23:49

10, 15 feet. Oh.

23:53

Well, then I'm going to use my spray of cards and hopefully get both of

23:55

them. All right. So what does that save? All

23:59

right. of some sort. That is a

24:03

Dex saving throw. That'll be a 12.

24:07

No guys. Both of them? Oh,

24:10

you get to hit both guys? Yeah, it's

24:13

a 15 foot cone. You're

24:15

going to hit Sarah. Am I? Yes.

24:21

Your choice. Then I'm just going to shoot at that guy. Okay.

24:24

So he fails. Alright. And

24:26

then what happens? Let's see.

24:31

Okay. There's the damage. Playing card damage,

24:33

right? Yeah. I mean the most 20

24:35

points. He is immune to player. Like

24:37

damage. 20 points of damage. Holy

24:41

shit. Cardboard placing. Oh,

24:45

so he's just like cut to ribbons.

24:47

Jesus. Yeah. And he's just like, he's

24:49

still standing, but like he's starting to

24:51

stagger. You see blood pouring down his

24:53

armor. I like that. And cards. Yeah.

24:56

Oh, that's good for you. Draw to draw to

24:59

skip. Yes.

25:01

The guy with the swords is going

25:03

to start. Oh, hello. Guy

25:06

is just start slashing it. I

25:11

tell her from Mars.

25:13

It'll be a 28 to hit. Oh,

25:15

that's good. That'll

25:18

be seven points of damage. Down the tail goes down. Oh,

25:20

no. He's going to turn on. He's

25:23

going to go to a

25:30

Rick ceiling until

25:33

that's a 28 to hit. And

25:37

you're really good D 20, right? Not

25:40

like a D 30. I'm afraid so. Oh, and I forgot because he's

25:42

using quagots have wounded fury. So it's another

25:53

point of damage.

25:56

Sarah wounded

25:58

fury. She's

26:02

down to 12 hit points. Jeez.

26:06

The Mage guy.

26:08

Oh yeah, does

26:12

that guy have a name? What

26:15

do you mean? The Mage? Dude,

26:17

it's F.A.D. F.A.D. F.A.D.

26:20

F.A.D. F.A.D. F.A.D.

26:23

F.A.D. F.A.D. F.A.D.

26:26

F.A.D. F.A.D. F.A.D. T

26:59

1 S 2 L 2 V Fishposh,

27:18

you take six points of force damage and

27:20

not doing any save, are you neither? Huh?

27:23

This is magic missile. Got it. Pew

27:26

pew pew. Just making sure? Grass-meat straws

27:28

here. Some bolts then

27:30

hit bricks. She

27:34

goes down and... Bricks.

27:38

I mean, the last one will be... Next

27:40

round. Hit point. And

27:44

that'll do it for this

27:46

fella's turn. Hey,

27:50

Fishposh, can I get a wisdom saving throw, please?

27:53

You got this. From

27:56

the veil, I say... If that

27:58

fucking goes... That's

28:04

a 21. Yeah, you just

28:07

feel this like cold sweat pour down you as

28:09

you go like, like flex something

28:11

out of your mind that's trying to grab all

28:13

to your central nervous system. And

28:16

it dissipates.

28:18

Brian, the

28:21

big bloated

28:23

corpse takes

28:25

a swing at you.

28:28

That's gonna be

28:30

10 to hit. Nope. All

28:33

right. That'll do it for its turn.

28:37

Bloated corpse. Blaine, you're

28:39

up. I'm

28:42

going to use my spiritual weapon against

28:44

the mage. Okay. 12 plus 6, 18.

28:46

That's a hit. Crush

28:54

their head. 14 points. Ooh, I would

28:56

you like to see the mage die?

28:58

Yeah. I would love to see the

29:01

mage die. I

29:03

would like to see him look

29:05

down and go, wait, when did

29:07

all these cards come out of

29:09

my chest? Oh, and then I'd like him

29:11

to die really confused. Yeah, he's like, I

29:13

thought I was getting an audition for Magic

29:15

Castle. You gotta know somebody to get in,

29:17

but you gotta know somebody else to get

29:19

out. Oh, wait. He didn't

29:22

have a seat jacket anyway. They

29:25

raised Hotel California about that place. It's

29:28

all lovely. Anything else for your turn? I'm going to run over to bricks,

29:31

and I'm going

29:39

to spare the dying. Do

29:41

you do bonus action? Do you

29:44

do it? You can bonus action spare

29:46

the dying? It's a cantrip. That

29:49

doesn't make a difference. I think it needs

29:51

an action. Then

29:54

no, but I'm right over there to do it. Sounds

29:56

good. All right, Brian, you're up. Okay.

30:01

Oh, and I should spare the dying on him too. You

30:04

should. Yeah. Next time.

30:06

Finish off this big chewing gum. Fuck.

30:09

Yeah, I'm going to. All right. I

30:11

like dead Ken. Dead Ken's got

30:13

the mask. I'm back. Dead Ken. I

30:16

know. You healed me. I'm just saying, since

30:18

you've changed me though. Yeah. Something else has

30:20

come back as well. Yeah. I have a

30:22

bridge. Axiom and slashing.

30:25

Okay. Do it. Bonus.

30:29

Slash your ax. Nope.

30:36

The myth. Yeah, it was very low. Will

30:40

16 hit? That's

30:43

a hit. Paying cool. Roll your damage.

30:46

Kill the blob. Kill the blob. Which

30:49

weapon is this? This

30:51

is the longsword. As the longsword connects.

30:53

I can just see like it's flesh begin to

30:56

expand on either side of your blade. Great.

30:59

Is this thing still going with the mage dead?

31:02

Yes. Okay. Six

31:05

slashing. If this one thing

31:07

I've learned from Marvel movies is when you kill the

31:09

main guy, everybody that's fighting drops dead. Great.

31:14

Every time. I

31:17

yeah, this is another homebrew thing. It's

31:19

because it's I'm going to tell

31:21

listeners because Reddit got very mad at me for

31:23

something. Oh, and so it'd be

31:25

very clear. The homebrew spell that was cast

31:28

from this specific staff that has control over

31:30

the souls and bodies in this

31:32

room. This is something you

31:34

ascertain a little bit from talking to bricks and

31:37

that so this thing is zombified

31:39

independently of being controlled because its

31:41

soul has been put back

31:44

in its body for a specific purpose. Also,

31:48

Reddit. The

31:50

reason glibbles turned

31:52

into a coin is because I was trying

31:54

to get rid of glibbles and the sword

31:56

at the same time when he got a

31:58

100 on his botch not trying. trying to

32:00

have an actual soul coin instance happen.

32:02

So that is not that is why

32:04

it does not follow traditional soul coin

32:06

rules. I

32:09

don't know what this Reddit thing is. I

32:11

can't recommend enough if a friendly fan of

32:13

the podcast says you should check it out.

32:15

There's an interesting discussion. Don't do it. Sounds

32:19

like you're arguing with Wapert. Yeah, I didn't. Will

32:23

you like to argue about

32:25

this game? The

32:29

corpse explodes and this

32:31

rotting flesh and just

32:33

like That sounds a

32:35

good thing. This cloud smashes into

32:38

you of poison gas. Can I

32:40

get a constitution save move over?

32:42

Yeah, it's a boomer. What's

32:45

with that boomer? Not

32:48

the dog, here's boomer. So this is the last

32:50

thing in the room that's moving around. No, there

32:52

are two more. There's a ghost and a quag

32:54

off. Oh, fucking ghost. Hello,

32:57

eight. Okay, so

32:59

you take eight

33:03

points of poison damage. You

33:05

are now poisoned and blind. Oh,

33:10

like Daredevil. Except for poison.

33:16

Oh, Brian, your mini has got

33:18

two status rings. And

33:20

he's a terrible lawyer. Would

33:25

you like to try to use any of your movement? No. Okay.

33:33

At least the big tub of shit is gone. Yeah. Next

33:36

is Sarah. Sorry.

33:39

She is going to try to make a death saving throw.

33:41

And that's a fail. Oh, but I did. Oh,

33:44

yeah. You tried to, but you did not have enough actions

33:46

to do Spirit of the Die. I know you want to

33:48

do it so bad. I'm

33:53

a wild. I'm just hunking up the storm today. I don't

33:55

know who the fuck that is. I think I went outside to check it out.

33:58

I think it's Rose. I think you should get your shotgun. About

34:00

50 minutes ago, yeah, he said he

34:02

won the keys to my car. Nice.

34:04

I said, okay. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Chris, can

34:07

I get a death saving throw? Why,

34:09

certainly, but again, I'm using Ken's lucky

34:11

squirrel dice. Oh, yay. That's

34:16

a 10. Yay, squirrel dice. All right.

34:18

So that's a success. Yes. Make

34:22

note of it. Ken, you're up. I

34:25

will attack this fellow here. Okay.

34:28

One second. Let's see. What

34:30

shall I give him this time? He's

34:32

not especially dying. No. A

34:37

lot of these guys pretty low on health. This guy's got a

34:39

little bit of oomph left. Make fun of his fetish. I'm

34:43

doing an insight check.

34:47

Through an insight check, Ken. I'm doing it. He's

34:50

got a hat with human ears on it to make it look

34:52

like a big- Oh, you've been doing two weapon fighting, Ron. Of

34:54

course. Somebody's going to call us on. That's a 12.

35:00

Yeah, you can't tell what his fetish is. What do you mean, Brian? This

35:03

is when you engage in two weapon fighting,

35:05

you can add your ability modifier to the

35:07

damage of the second attack. Oh,

35:12

interesting. We'll start

35:15

doing that. Oh, I thought you said you meant you

35:17

had it as like an ability. No.

35:20

There is such a thing. I have two weapon

35:22

fighting. No, I do. Well, you're duel leading two

35:25

weapon fighting is a fighter thing. So yeah, combat-

35:27

Oh, he does have. Okay, good. Yeah, but he

35:29

just can't. Yeah, he just

35:31

gets to add a number. Yeah, you still have

35:33

three attacks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but

35:36

I would do more damage now. Well,

35:39

you'd be more likely to hit. You've been doing

35:41

it the right way. Normally when you do a

35:43

second attack with your offhand, you don't get that

35:45

bonus. In fact, you've been getting this whole time.

35:47

Your means you're good. Okay. Gotcha.

35:50

Just going to throw up on this piece of

35:52

shit. Blow

35:55

some acid in his face. Okay. Yeah, but let's

35:57

hear how that goes. I'd

36:00

say Dex saving throw.

36:05

Trying to dodge my split ups. That'd

36:07

be a 13. Nope. He

36:10

gets this. 11

36:13

acids. Oh man,

36:15

just... All his fur

36:17

just gets scorched off his face. To the face.

36:19

Good. Acid to the face. He

36:22

reaches how many points? Thank

36:24

you. Alright.

36:27

Anything else for this turn? No.

36:32

Okay. He's going to turn to you Ken. Oh

36:34

of course he is. He

36:37

takes out a satin glove. That's

36:39

going to be a 28 to hit. That's a

36:41

man. That's a section. Five

36:45

points slashing damage. Sucker. Jesus.

36:48

He swings again. 18

36:51

to hit. Hang

36:55

on a second. Mmhmm. Do what

36:57

you gotta do. 10 points of damage. What's my AC? 16

37:00

to hit. It

37:03

could be... 9

37:05

points of slashing damage. Son of a bitch.

37:08

Do you go down again? No. How

37:11

many hit points? Not yet. Uno.

37:15

Oh no. Oh my god. Is that

37:17

what you need? Is that Uno? Let's

37:20

end this you guys. One saves these guys.

37:22

Hey Blap. Can I get

37:24

a wisdom saving throw please? Oh

37:26

my god. 18

37:29

plus 6 to 24. You

37:32

brace yourself as an iciness

37:34

comes over you and manages to repel something

37:36

that's trying to enter your consciousness. Oh

37:38

I feel like I should go lay in a sunbeam. Can I go lay in

37:41

a sunbeam for a while? It is your turn.

37:43

Would you like to use your action? Your very valuable action.

37:45

My action that's way in a sunbeam? No.

37:47

I'm going to pick your pick. Who

37:49

are you going to spare? I'm

37:52

going to... Who's your best friend? I'm going to

37:55

spare bricks because she's right there. And

37:57

then I'm going to use my feline adjustment.

38:00

agility to sprint

38:02

over to our

38:04

squirrel friend. I'd

38:07

like to point out that while I'm unconscious,

38:10

I'm slightly curled up. And so I imagine

38:12

to blap, I look, I'm like the perfect

38:14

little canopé size bite. Yeah. It

38:17

looks like a, ooh, it looks like a little

38:19

cinnabon. Where are you for you then?

38:22

Where is he? She's

38:26

right there. She's right there. You

38:28

are within melee of this guy though. So, he's

38:32

going to take a swing at you as you. Yeah.

38:34

But show me where you're going. Where

38:36

is he? Like

38:38

over here, like five more feet away. Well then,

38:40

can I just turn? Yeah. You

38:42

can like just step over the body. Yeah. So

38:45

I'm not, yeah, it's not really, not

38:47

really bolting from the guy. Okay. And

38:50

now does your turn. That'll do it for my turn. Oh, you

38:52

know what I'm going to do is I

38:55

do have a bonus. So

38:57

I'm going to invoke duplicity

38:59

and have an appear in front

39:01

of the guy Okay. to

39:04

distract him. Excellent. Sam,

39:06

how we doing on time? Good. All

39:08

right. That's plenty of time. We can do it. We can do

39:10

it. Brian, you are up. Okay.

39:13

Kill it. I'm

39:16

going to make my way over towards those

39:18

guys, even though I can't see them. I'm

39:20

going to sort

39:23

of, I mean, I know, I know where

39:25

I'm going. So I'm going to kind of. Okay.

39:28

So. Stumble

39:30

through. My

39:35

main idea, I'm going to give Blaine one of my

39:37

potions so he can get to them. Gotcha.

39:41

All right. And

39:45

then Sarah is stabilized. Do

39:48

I get to toss it to him or do I only

39:50

get that far? You

39:54

can toss it. Yeah.

39:57

Reactions. Yeah. This

39:59

is going to. be do

40:04

an insight check insight

40:07

uh-huh a no sight check right

40:12

now you're blind none as hard as why I'm doing this

40:15

he fights for love 14 you

40:19

definitely would not get it to him because you're

40:21

blind you would not you would just say a

40:23

little past him and possibly smash on the guard

40:25

I'm not gonna do it maybe you'll heal this

40:29

guy Baldur's Gate 3 a possibility

40:31

yes all

40:34

right this finish mission

40:37

I went in Bluto's mouth

40:39

boy Chris you're up

40:41

that means death saving throw yeah boss

40:48

you roll the team nice

40:50

that's such two successes

40:52

successes looking good yeah

40:55

girl possibly go wrong

40:57

dance up shit like that you can't

40:59

throw health potions to people and heal them

41:01

like in Baldur's no you cannot has to

41:03

go down the gullet but it's

41:07

not they try to make

41:09

it so you are constantly TP King like you

41:11

would if you played Dungeons and Dragons okay

41:16

attacking all right

41:19

TP Kings has fun I would Monday

41:21

know what it means good pizza restaurant

41:23

we go to Talladega

41:31

pizza King kitchen it's bacon week

41:33

at TP K oh my god

41:36

it's TP K deliver listeners

41:41

there's been three elbow drops this episode

41:43

I'm gonna

41:47

bar some more on this okay but

41:49

yeah saving throw right yeah what is it

41:52

I don't know decks I played it decks

41:54

it's a 20 yeah saved

42:00

now but does he have it or does he

42:03

I don't know what you find out maybe

42:05

you'll there anymore chum okay let me help

42:07

you hey guys I can all right I

42:09

saw a trailer for a Jim Carrey movie

42:12

20 something years ago or 25 years ago

42:14

at that

42:16

theater we used to go to on sunset

42:18

and the guy

42:22

yelled during the trailer for

42:24

the Jim Carrey movie I love

42:26

physical comedy and I

42:33

was like yeah man this is does he dodge completely or was

42:35

it 23 damage on success

42:39

sorry oh see it's the opposite good man

42:41

and man aren't you glad you looked it

42:43

up roll your roll your damage you know

42:46

damage right credible I'm Ken is very sad

42:48

about his one hit point the whole thing

42:50

is very upsetting yeah you did

42:52

some damage on that guy you're

42:57

a hero one hit point wonder 14

42:59

is that before after it's out seven

43:01

to seven okay stop I

43:06

roar I did 14 acids again

43:08

19 going from at the

43:11

brown one or drop horrible

43:13

drops ladies don't know all

43:15

right much of his fur has

43:18

been scorched off with acid anything

43:21

else for your turn I can't do anything can we

43:23

see a dick in two balls huh well you stick

43:25

not been all over his face but you could probably

43:27

like poke his loincloth and like lift up if you

43:30

want no I

43:32

do know all right that's if we can I don't

43:35

want okay he's gonna start slashing

43:37

it you can of course he is okay that

43:40

is a 16 hit 60 is my

43:42

ever class okay yeah yeah

43:45

well he broke one so it's only four points

43:47

to damage it's enough you go down

43:51

it is enough he is now

43:54

going to how does that

43:56

look for your friend like is it I

44:00

think it's a deception check. Can

44:03

I get a deception check from Blaine? Yeah,

44:05

I guess it's perception I think.

44:09

This is always like 18. 19

44:16

minus 1. What can...

44:19

I'm looking this up Blaine. Can you give me a

44:21

commercial for duplicity? While

44:23

I look it up. Lolly

44:25

poop suppositories from Tootsie Lacks. Shove

44:28

it up your ass and wait.

44:30

Fast acting lolly poops. Look out.

44:32

He's gonna blow pop and

44:34

blow poop. Lolly poop suppositories from

44:36

Tootsie Lacks. Look what

44:38

you made me do Dan. Alright,

44:41

so he's gonna roll against it and he

44:43

can't tell which is which. So he's going

44:45

to swing at

44:49

the wrong one and And

44:52

it just kind of goes right through it.

44:54

He goes and he turns

44:56

back to you. Okay, and There's

44:59

a little bit of smoke coming off of all the

45:01

acid that's burning off of the guy Yeah,

45:05

and he's you can almost see

45:07

his dick and balls. Can I get a

45:09

wisdom saving throw Blaine? 17

45:15

plus 6 Again,

45:18

the icing is grips you but you

45:20

managed to shake it off. Where's that Sunday when I

45:22

need it now? Shining on

45:24

a dick and balls Folks

45:26

right now I can helicopter a

45:29

boy if only blep and Mordecai

45:31

are standing Mordecai

45:33

is blinded and poisoned

45:37

And there is a ghost and

45:39

a wobbly quag off still standing.

45:41

Oh, wait is bricks down too?

45:43

Oh, yeah Hey,

45:46

that's some shit Believe

45:49

that is going to bring us to your

45:51

turn Blaine I'm

45:53

going to Can

45:56

I remind you what you said you were going to do? Hmm can

45:58

remind you what you said you were going to do What

46:00

did I say I was going to do? You're going to cast

46:02

spare the dying on Dallytail sharp tail.

46:04

You're going to cast spare the dying on Dallytail

46:06

sharp tail. Okay. Tweak.

46:09

Tweak. You're

46:11

right. Anything with your bonus action? Uh,

46:14

movement. I'm going to, uh, well,

46:16

I'm going, uh, I'm going to

46:18

move my duplicity image over, uh,

46:20

right next to me. Okay. Sounds

46:25

good. And then, Brian,

46:28

it's your turn. Um,

46:36

let's see. Kill

46:42

them all. Oh,

46:50

if, uh, if I took a healing

46:53

potion, would that help against poison? Uh,

46:56

no, no. No. Just

46:59

hit points. All

47:03

right. Well, I'm going to drink in any way. Okay.

47:06

Roll your heal. Your, uh, hit points. Yeah. So

47:11

what is it for, uh, two

47:13

regular or one regular? Uh,

47:16

2d4 plus two. 2d4.

47:31

All right. So add nine hit points back. Nice.

47:35

Are you doing pretty good on hit points, Brian? Ish.

47:42

And we'll let you have your turn. You're going to move it all. Uh,

47:47

yeah, I'm going to

47:49

kind of tuck into this,

47:51

uh, kind

47:54

of sit down. Cool. Can

47:56

I get a constitution savings for a save

47:59

space? When you're done. Did

48:06

the ghost fart? Is

48:08

this the ghost fart poisoning you? Mm-hmm. Uh,

48:15

let me roll again. Wait, why

48:17

do you roll again? Because it hit. It

48:20

doesn't normally. Alright,

48:24

we'll keep with what it was. No, I didn't. So,

48:26

uh, this is 12. Oh, don't get

48:28

mad at me. You can roll. I don't give

48:30

a shit. Alright,

48:33

and then Sarah is shmobil.

48:36

And we'll have to find out what happens

48:38

next on our next episode. Oh boy. Hi,

48:42

episode 14. We're in combat again. Chris

48:45

is saving bricks, then there is 40 minutes

48:47

where I forgot to pay attention. Chris is

48:49

unconscious, Blaine is saving him, Brian is giving

48:51

Blaine one of his potions and a ghost

48:53

farted. That's right. That's all correct. This

48:56

room is worse than David Busters. I

48:58

hate it here. Give me

49:01

a job, everybody. Otherwise, you'll

49:03

see me under an overpass in downtown Los

49:05

Angeles. What are you up

49:07

to, Brian? Uh, ryabasame.com, tour dates.

49:10

I've got, uh, in

49:13

May, I'm gonna be in Batavia,

49:15

Illinois. Um, again,

49:17

at the comedy club there. I

49:20

did it once last year, it was super fun. Come

49:23

back and then, um, uh,

49:25

at the end of this month, of April,

49:28

if this airs in time, I'm in

49:30

Arlington at the draft house, out

49:33

in DC area. And then, uh, next

49:36

month I've got that one off. Um,

49:40

an evening with Geyser Butler at

49:42

the Gothic Theater in Denver,

49:45

Colorado. I will be hosting it.

49:49

And nerding the fuck out. It's gonna be

49:51

amazing. And then, uh, Rifters

49:53

and Grommets, very soon. grommaseame.com.

49:59

Blaine. We attribute

50:01

success to humankind. Thank

50:04

you for joining us on this episode of... On

50:10

the next Nerd Poker, Sam has

50:12

to sell all his recording equipment to get

50:14

his car fixed, so the Nerd Poker gang

50:16

has to write the show out longhand. All

50:19

this and Sam's car gets stolen. On

50:24

the next Nerd Poker... Thanks

50:30

for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You

50:33

can follow us at patreon.com/nerdpoker,

50:36

and you get bonus episodes

50:38

from there, and you can

50:40

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50:42

Box 16069, Encino,

50:45

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50:49

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