0:00

Welcome to Noble Blood, a production

0:02

of I Heart Radio and Grimm and Mild

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from Aaron Minky listener. Discretion

0:07

is advised. Vincenzo

0:18

Gonzaga had a problem.

0:20

He was forty seven years old, the

0:23

Duke of Mantua and Montferrato, with

0:25

a beloved wife and five surviving

0:28

children, and still Vincenzo

0:30

Gonzaga had a problem,

0:33

the type of problem that a man

0:35

of a certain age didn't really like to

0:38

talk about. It's a problem

0:40

that's fairly common today and was

0:43

fairly common then, and that

0:45

men of Vincenzo's age tolerated

0:48

all the time. But Vincenzo

0:51

wasn't content to tolerate his

0:53

problem. He was going

0:55

to do something about his erectile

0:57

dysfunction. It's

1:00

at this point that I'm going to let you know

1:02

that this episode is maybe a little

1:04

bit more PG. Thirteen than some

1:06

of my other episodes. It's primarily

1:09

about procreation and the importance

1:12

of being able to consummate a marriage

1:14

in the sixteenth century. And so

1:16

even though I'm not really discussing

1:19

things in a sexualized

1:21

context, there will be by

1:23

definition, sexual content.

1:26

So discretion is advised for

1:28

our younger or more sensitive listeners

1:31

anyway. Vincenzo Gonzaga,

1:34

Renaissance Duke of Italy, was

1:36

suffering from a reptile dysfunction, but

1:39

rather than just accept that maybe his

1:41

lothario days were behind him,

1:43

he decided to fund an incredibly

1:46

expensive and highly secretive

1:49

voyage in sixteen o eight

1:51

where he was going to send a fairly anonymous

1:54

apothecary named Evangelista

1:56

Marco Bruno to travel via

1:58

ship to the New World so

2:00

that he could hunt for a mysterious

2:02

worm or cusano that

2:04

was rumored to help cure a number

2:07

of sexual ailments. On

2:09

the Duke's orders, Marco Bruno traveled

2:11

from Mantua to Genoa, and then

2:13

through Spain, through Barcelona,

2:15

Madrid, and Seville until he

2:17

finally made his way onto a galleon

2:20

ship. From there, he continued

2:22

his journey on foot and then be a

2:24

mule and llama through South

2:27

America trying to find a

2:29

mythical worm.

2:32

The entire journey took two years,

2:35

but we don't know if he was actually successful

2:37

or not. Within a few years of Marco

2:40

Bruno's voyage, Vincenzo Gonzaga

2:42

would be dead. Why would

2:44

a man go through so much

2:46

trouble, sending an envoy

2:49

literally across the world just

2:51

to deal with a well little

2:53

issue. Vincenzo gonzaga

2:56

story is a story about masculinity

2:59

and the type of masculinity that existed

3:02

in the fifteen and sixteen hundreds.

3:04

Sexual proficiency wasn't just

3:07

a matter of pride, it was a

3:09

matter of dynastic importance.

3:12

During his young life, Vincenzo's

3:14

sexual abilities would become the center

3:17

of a national scandal that

3:19

required fifteen doctors,

3:21

a college of Catholic cardinals,

3:23

and ultimately the Pope to

3:25

weigh in. So what

3:27

did a man have to do and Renaissance

3:29

Italy to be considered a man? For

3:32

Vincenzo Gonzaga, hunting

3:34

down mysterious worms from across

3:36

the world was just one thing

3:39

on the list. I'm Danis

3:41

Schwartz, and this is noble

3:43

blood. Vincenzo's

3:51

father, the Duke Guilliemo of Mantua,

3:53

was a short and miserable

3:56

man, disfigured by illness

3:58

and childhood, with a hunchback

4:00

as his foremost feature. Some

4:03

historians diagnose him posthumously

4:05

as having tuberculosis of the bone, but

4:08

the actual illness is less important

4:10

than the way it affected his attitude

4:13

generously, you could call him stern

4:16

more accurately cruel. He

4:18

and his young son, Vincenzo, never

4:20

seemed to get along. Vincenzo

4:23

held several feelings about his father

4:25

at once. He hated his

4:27

father, hated the way that he walked

4:30

slowly, hated his hunchback, hated

4:33

that his father made him worry that

4:35

one day he too would be old and

4:37

feeble. But Vincenzo

4:39

also craved his father's love

4:42

and validation more than he

4:44

ever could have admitted. Vincenzo

4:47

had a fairly standard childhood.

4:49

Born in fifteen sixty two,

4:51

he was athletic and handsome

4:53

in contrast to his father, and from a

4:55

young age he was drawn to the hedonistic

4:58

pleasures of art and music. He

5:00

spent hours outside his family estate

5:03

playing the new sport bala or soccer,

5:05

and swimming, even though everyone around

5:08

him discouraged it. Swimming

5:10

was a risky proposition for Vincenzo,

5:13

first because Vincenzo had an uncle

5:16

who died at seventeen of pneumonia

5:18

after falling into a cold lake while hunting,

5:21

but also because in the sixteenth

5:23

century, the pre eminent science

5:25

of the day was that spending too much time

5:27

in water would disrupt your humors,

5:31

still swimming or not. As a young man, it

5:33

seemed like Vincenzo might have escaped

5:36

the ill health of his father. The

5:38

only minor ailment Vincenzo

5:40

dealt with as a preteen was

5:42

an uh warning

5:44

here for sensitive listeners, anal

5:47

fistula on his undercarriage,

5:50

which required draining and cauterization.

5:54

I wouldn't mention it if it wasn't going to

5:56

be important later, as

5:59

was the correct way to handle things back then.

6:01

The wound was left partially

6:03

open so that fluids could continue

6:06

to seep out. I can't imagine

6:08

that it was comfortable for Vincenzo

6:10

when it came to riding a horse

6:13

or sitting, but there were

6:15

no serious complications, and no

6:17

one would give any thought to the annal

6:19

fistula until much

6:21

later. There's

6:24

one event in the early life of Vincenzo

6:26

Gonzaga that stands out

6:28

for just how extreme it is.

6:32

While Vincenzo was a golden boy

6:34

when it came to athletics, he was

6:36

merely bright when it came to academics.

6:39

He almost wished his father, Gugliamo

6:42

would beraate him for failing to pay

6:44

attention in lessons. Instead,

6:46

all his father did was fawn

6:49

over a visiting scholar in Mantua named

6:52

James Crichton. James

6:54

Crichton was a brilliant twenty

6:56

one year old polly math, supposedly

6:59

fluent in a dozen languages, both

7:01

conversationally and poetically.

7:04

He was a genius, and

7:06

he was young, and the Duke treated him

7:08

like a son. Vincenzo

7:12

hated him.

7:15

One evening, while out for a stroll, Crechton

7:18

was attacked by a gang of marauders

7:21

in masks. Though Crechton

7:23

tried to defend himself with his sword,

7:26

the thieves outnumbered him and beat

7:28

him until he was dizzied and disoriented

7:30

on the street. Then,

7:32

with a patch of moonlight to illuminate

7:35

him, the leader of the gang

7:37

removed his mask. It was

7:39

Vincenzo Gonzaga, the Prince

7:42

of Mantua himself. Seeing

7:45

the son of his master, Creton

7:47

fell to his knees, as was custom,

7:49

and offered Vincenzo the hilt of

7:51

his sword. Vincenzo accepted

7:54

it and then ran the sword

7:56

through Crechton's stomach, killing him.

8:00

Vincenzo murdered the Scottish genius

8:02

aged one out of crazed

8:04

jealousy and the impending threat

8:07

of being replaced. It's

8:10

rarely more than a footnote now in the

8:12

story of Vincenzo Gonzaga's life, but

8:15

James Creighton wouldn't be the last

8:17

casualty of gonzaga story.

8:21

When Vincenzo was nineteen years old,

8:23

he was set to make an incredibly important

8:26

marriage with the daughter of the Duke

8:29

of Parma, a young girl named Margharita

8:31

for Nacey. The Pharnaces

8:33

and the Gonzagas were long feuding

8:36

at war for about thirty years for

8:39

increasingly petty reasons on both

8:41

sides, but now the duchies

8:43

of Mantua and Parma realized

8:45

how valuable it would be to link

8:48

dynastically in order to present

8:50

a united front against Tuscany,

8:52

which was growing in power. Margharita

8:56

was the only child and only daughter

8:58

of the Duke of Parma, so she was

9:00

an incredibly valuable strategic

9:03

pond. So she was going to

9:05

get married when they needed her to be married,

9:07

even though at the time of the match with

9:10

Vincenzo, she was just thirteen

9:12

years old and hadn't begun menstruating

9:15

yet. Still, the bride

9:17

was brought to Mantua with a dowry of

9:19

three hundred thousand ducats,

9:22

and on March second two,

9:25

Vincenzo Gonzaga married Margarita

9:27

Farnese, who was by

9:29

then fourteen. The

9:32

marriage wasn't consummated the first

9:34

night, or the night after

9:36

that, or the night after that.

9:39

Vincenzo said he was trying, but

9:42

the marriage was still unconsummated, and that

9:45

was going to be a considerable problem.

9:47

Because an unconsummated marriage

9:50

can't seal a dynastic alliance,

9:52

the marriage isn't considered valid,

9:55

and so the Duke of Mantua called

9:57

in doctors to examine the newlyweds.

10:00

Marcello di nat, the Gonzaga court

10:02

physician, studied Vincenzo's

10:05

member, erect and flaccid.

10:08

The doctor's conclusion was that it

10:10

worked just fine, even though it

10:12

was for Renaissance Italy

10:15

considered unfashionably

10:17

big. For Marguerita,

10:20

though, the doctor's verdict was that

10:22

she had a quote fleshy

10:24

excrescence blocking her

10:26

vaginal canal. Another expert

10:29

was needed, this time the famed

10:31

anatomy professor from the University

10:33

of Padua, Giorlomo Faverorici,

10:36

di Aquapendente, who examined

10:38

the teenage girl and said that

10:41

quote that membrane called

10:44

himen, which all virgins have,

10:46

in this one is inordinately fleshy,

10:50

and besides, her nature is small

10:52

because of her young age. I

10:56

want to take a brief aside in uh

10:59

Dana's sex at the corner, away

11:01

from the main story, just to

11:03

say that sixteenth century

11:05

medical terminology and

11:07

understanding of virginity was

11:10

uh completely wrong. Virginity

11:13

is a social construct. Not all virgins

11:15

have hymen. It can break at any point

11:17

in your young adulthood. Nothing about

11:19

your body is weird, and if you're a young woman

11:22

listening to this, you were absolutely perfect

11:24

just the way you are. I

11:27

just wanted to say that because there is a lot

11:29

of old doctors examining

11:32

a very young woman in this story,

11:34

and a lot of sixteenth century language

11:37

and philosophy being applied to that examination.

11:42

And so back to Margharita.

11:44

The doctor's recommendation was that they

11:46

make a custom set of cones

11:49

that would increase in girth, which

11:51

would be inserted in a sending order

11:54

until Margharita was dilated

11:57

enough to lose her virginity to

11:59

her husband. Margherita,

12:01

a fourteen year old girl in a foreign

12:03

court who had had a cavalcade

12:06

of strangers looking between her naked

12:08

legs, was understandably

12:11

not thrilled by this plan of action.

12:14

They stopped that con insertion

12:16

plan when Marguerita began screaming

12:19

as the first one was pressed into her. Clearly

12:24

a higher power was needed to deal

12:26

with the situation. Not only

12:28

was the future of the Mantua Parma alliance

12:31

at stake, but so was the significant

12:33

dowry. So the Pope stepped

12:35

in and dispatched the Milanaise

12:38

archbishop and future saint, Cardinal

12:40

Carlo Borromeo. Because Cardinal

12:43

Carlo was respected by both

12:45

families fairly equally, and

12:48

he didn't have any inherent biases,

12:50

unlike plenty of the other cardinals. One

12:53

of the cardinals was Margherita's great uncle,

12:56

so Cardinal Carlo Bormeo dutifully

12:59

traveled to Mantua, where he sat

13:01

and listened to the testimony from a

13:03

series of doctors, surgeons,

13:06

ladies in waiting, and a nun.

13:09

Fifteen experts had been called

13:11

in from across Italy to study

13:13

the genitalia of both Vincenzo

13:16

and Margharita. Four

13:18

certified virgins of around Margharita's

13:21

age were brought in so that their

13:23

hymens could be observed in comparison

13:26

to hers. Those poor

13:28

girls were all promised dowries

13:30

in return. The gossip

13:32

was rampant, spread on both

13:35

sides by the Gonzagas and the Parnaces,

13:37

because neither family wanted

13:39

the lack of consummation to be their fault.

13:45

As is so often the case with rampant

13:47

gossip, most of it was largely

13:49

contradictory. Apparently,

13:52

Vincenzo was actually engaging

13:54

in a homosexual relationship and

13:56

also having an affair with the Contessa

13:59

Sala, and he was also impotent.

14:02

Both families also had their own cardinals

14:04

advocating on their behalf. Gonzaga

14:07

allied cardinals said that Vincenzo

14:10

was actually too viril for young Margharita

14:13

and that he was off busy successfully

14:15

consummating one night stands with

14:17

sex workers right and left. Margharita's

14:20

great uncle Cardinal loudly proclaimed

14:23

to anyone who would listen that Vincenzo's

14:26

weird giant penis definitely

14:28

didn't work, he probably had

14:30

syphilis. And also remember

14:32

that anal fistula that was probably

14:35

making his penis not work. Now, finally,

14:38

three years after the wedding, Cardinal

14:41

Carlo made his decision. The

14:43

divorce would be granted on the grounds of non

14:45

consummation because of Margarita's

14:48

quote unbreachable gait. Because

14:51

the Gonzagas weren't to blame, they were

14:53

allowed to keep one hundred thousand

14:55

ducats of Margharita's dowry.

14:58

You'd think that the Gonzaga would be at

15:00

least happy with that, but they were still

15:03

in an incredibly vulnerable position.

15:05

Vincenzo was their heir, and now

15:08

he was yet again unmarried with

15:10

no heirs of his own. It was

15:12

essential that they find him another bride,

15:15

ideally one that could ally them

15:17

with an important duchy now that the

15:19

alliance with Parma had gone

15:21

up and smoke. And then the

15:23

perfect candidate presented herself,

15:26

Eleanora de Medici, the sixteen

15:28

year old daughter of the Grand Duke of Tuscany,

15:31

Francesco de Medici. Vincenzo

15:34

would make a good marriage for their daughter, but

15:37

the Medici's wanted to avoid the possibility

15:39

of becoming embroiled in one of those

15:42

Italy wide does his

15:44

penis work scandals, and

15:47

so Grand Duke Francesco de Medici

15:50

agreed that Vincenzo could marry

15:52

Eleanora on the condition

15:54

that Vincenzo proved that he

15:56

could deflower a virgin first. It

16:00

would be a public trial

16:02

by erection. The

16:05

whole thing was actually the idea of

16:07

the Grand Duke's wife, Bianca.

16:09

Bianca was the Grand Duke's second

16:12

wife, and she had been his mistress before

16:14

that, and so before she became

16:16

the Grand Duchess of Tuscany, she dealt

16:19

with her fair share of gossip and cruel

16:21

words, a lot of them coming from

16:23

the Gonzagas, who said that she was

16:25

a courtesan who made a terrible

16:27

match for the Grand Duke, an

16:29

incredibly public and humiliating

16:32

hoop for the Prince of Mantua to jump through

16:34

perfect revenge for Bianca.

16:39

A special convocation of the

16:41

College of Cardinals was called to

16:44

determine whether the Medici plan

16:46

was going to be allowed. All

16:48

of the Gonzaga allies tried to

16:50

protect Vincenzo. It's unnecessary,

16:53

they said, Plus it undermined

16:55

the authority of the Pope, because didn't

16:58

the Pope already rule that the earlier

17:00

consummation problem hadn't been Vincenzo's

17:03

fault. Yeah, chimed

17:05

in Cardinal Alessandro Farness, Margharita's

17:08

great uncle, remember him. He

17:10

also didn't want Vincenzo to

17:12

do this little public virility test,

17:15

because if Vincenzo succeeded now,

17:17

it would prove once and for all that

17:19

his earlier marriage problem had been

17:22

Margharita's fault. Besides,

17:24

he continued, where are we even going

17:26

to get a virgin for this demonstration?

17:29

A convent or an orphanage. Is

17:31

the church going to be in the business of

17:34

prostituting an innocent virgin?

17:37

Turns out the answer was yes.

17:40

The College voted to allow the

17:43

test to take place under conditions

17:45

rigorous and organized as an Olympic

17:48

event. The trial would occur in

17:50

Ferrara, where there were no major

17:52

Gonzaga or Medici biases,

17:54

and the virgin would be examined

17:57

beforehand and kept isolated

18:00

in the Castello Belfiori until

18:02

the deed was done to prevent contamination

18:06

on her part. Cessi Adeste,

18:08

the nephew of the Duke of Ferrara, would

18:11

supervise in person. Vincenzo

18:14

agreed to all of this on the condition

18:16

that the virgin they found be

18:18

from a reasonably good family and

18:21

that she would have a pretty face. Ultimately,

18:25

the girl was found the oldest

18:27

daughter of a deceased but well known

18:29

architect and his widow. The widow

18:32

offered her daughter up on the condition

18:34

that when all of this was over, the daughter

18:36

would be given a suitable dowry

18:38

and marriage. Vincenzo

18:41

arrived in Ferrara riding in on horseback,

18:44

but before the test took place, he

18:46

left back home with no explanation

18:49

or apologies. He continued

18:51

to delay the test, canceling

18:54

plans like he was texting with an awkward

18:56

acquaintance he didn't want to get coffee with.

18:59

The medici were losing patients,

19:01

and another duke, the Duke of Savoy,

19:04

offered to marry Eleanora if Vincenzo

19:06

didn't want to. Vincenzo

19:08

hemmed and hod, but finally

19:11

said he would do the test if he was

19:13

given three nights. The

19:16

Medici's refused, but they did

19:18

compromise. Vincenzo would

19:20

be given just one night, but he

19:22

had three chances. By

19:25

this point, the widow's daughter was released

19:27

from the castle where she was being held

19:30

or should I say, preserved,

19:33

and the Ferrara royal family was just

19:35

entirely over this whole thing. So

19:37

the test was transferred to Venice,

19:40

and this time Francesco to Medici

19:43

would find the virgin himself. Ultimately

19:45

he found one, the illegitimate

19:47

daughter of a decent family who was living

19:50

in an orphanage, a girl named Julia.

19:53

It took Vincenzo two tries,

19:56

but ultimately he did the deed.

19:59

Vincenzo married Eleanora, and

20:01

in the end all those tests really

20:04

made no difference, considering fairly

20:06

quickly. The pair went on to have six

20:08

children, five of whom survived.

20:11

And as for all those rumors of his impotence,

20:14

when Vincenzo ultimately did become

20:16

the Duke of Mantua after his father's death,

20:19

he got a reputation as quite the

20:21

libertine, with a number of affairs

20:23

and a few illegitimate children. Vincenzo's

20:27

reputation as a duke would be that his

20:29

hedonism drained the duchy

20:31

financially, but he also turned

20:34

Mantua into a thriving cultural

20:36

center, inviting composers, painters,

20:38

and poets to his court. Vincenzo

20:41

provided health care and food to the poor

20:44

on the whole, not a terrible duke, even

20:46

though he did struggle with what is

20:48

seen as the ultimate masculine

20:51

accomplishment, military

20:53

conquest. Still,

20:55

in the end, good duke or bad

20:57

duke, children or no children

21:00

in Mantua would fall plundered

21:02

thanks to the twin pillars of disease

21:04

and invasion, dissolving

21:07

into the bigger kingdoms of Italy twenty

21:10

five years after Vincenzo's death.

21:19

By Vincenzo's thirties and forties,

21:22

the impending shadows of his late

21:24

father's illnesses would begin

21:26

to catch up with him, and Vincenzo

21:28

would summon the biggest names in Italian

21:30

medicine to treat his ailments,

21:32

which ranged from what we now

21:34

call Saint Anthony's fire to

21:37

yes the erectile dysfunction

21:40

that ultimately led Vincenzo to sponsor

21:43

the Apothecary's trip around the world.

21:46

Vincenzo died just a short while

21:48

after his wife Eleanora, and

21:50

they say that he was buried in a secret

21:53

crypt in the Church of Saint Andrea,

21:56

but to this day the crypt has never

21:58

been found, the area has been

22:00

explored and the walls perforated

22:02

in search of the hidden chamber, but

22:04

still nothing. Vincenzo

22:07

didn't want the solemn, serious

22:09

burial that would have been common at the time to

22:12

show off one's piety. Instead,

22:15

he requested that he be buried

22:17

upright, dressed magnificently

22:20

and sitting in a specially made

22:22

marble chair inside his

22:24

upright coffin. And

22:26

he requested in his hand, what

22:29

the Freudians among you might

22:31

take to be a little bit on the nose

22:33

when it comes to phallic symbolism,

22:36

A giant jewel encrusted

22:39

sword held aloft.

22:45

That's the story of Vincenzo Gonzaga's

22:48

sexual trial. But keep listening

22:50

after a brief sponsor break, to hear

22:52

a little bit more about what happened to Margarita.

23:04

After his first failed marriage. Vincenzo

23:06

Gonzaga went on to live a long

23:08

life with another wife and plenty of

23:10

kids. The same wasn't

23:12

true for Margharita. Being

23:15

a woman unable to consummate marriage

23:17

in sixteenth century Italy meant

23:19

Margherita was deposited

23:22

by her powerful family into a nunnery,

23:24

where she remained in isolation

23:27

for the next six decades

23:29

of her life, until she ultimately

23:32

died at age seventy five. But

23:35

even within the walls of the convent,

23:37

Margherita had a life. There

23:40

was a musician rumored to be a secret

23:42

lover, who visited her until her

23:44

family increased security. When

23:47

Marguerita got older, she was elected

23:49

abbess of the convent several times

23:51

in a row. She had thoughts

23:53

and dreams and plans,

23:56

but because of the disaster with

23:58

Vincenzo Gonzaga when she was fourteen

24:00

years old, her entire life

24:03

was one of pious confinement.

24:06

She's a side note in the story now,

24:08

another casualty of Vincenzo's

24:11

life, one of the characters

24:13

from history who are so often forgotten,

24:16

who if circumstances had been a little

24:18

different, might have been so much

24:21

more. Noble

24:28

Blood is a production of I Heart Radio and

24:30

Grimm and Mild from Aaron Minky.

24:32

The show was written and hosted by Dani Schwartz.

24:35

Executive producers include Aaron Manky,

24:38

Alex Williams, and Matt Frederick.

24:41

The show is produced by rema Ill Kali

24:43

and Trevor Young. Noble Blood

24:45

is on social media at Noble Blood Tales,

24:48

and you can learn more about the show over at Noble

24:50

Blood tales dot com. For more podcasts

24:53

from I heart Radio, visit the i heart

24:55

Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or

24:57

wherever you listen to your favorite shows.