0:08

Welcome to nobody told me.

0:10

I'm Jan Black, and I'm Laura

0:12

Owens. And joining us on this episode

0:14

is number one, New York Times

0:16

best selling author Gabriel Bernstein, who's

0:19

been labeled a new thought leader by

0:21

Oprah

0:22

Winfrey. Gabbi was included in Oprah's

0:24

Super Soul one hundred, a group of

0:26

one hundred trailblazers whose vision

0:28

and life's work are bringing a higher

0:30

level of consciousness to the world. Gabbie

0:33

is the author of eight books the latest

0:35

of which is called Happy

0:36

Days, the guided path from trauma

0:39

to profound freedom and inner peace.

0:41

Gabbie, they you so much for joining us.

0:43

As we mentioned off air, this is just a dream

0:45

to have you

0:46

here. It's

0:46

so nice to be with you guys. Thanks for having

0:48

me. I love how you start the first chapter

0:50

with a story that ends with my twenty

0:52

four year old self could never have imagined

0:55

who I am

0:56

today, and gosh, I just believe it's that

0:58

so much who were you when you were

1:00

twenty four, and what part of who you are today

1:02

would have surprised you the most?

1:05

When I was twenty four, I was struggling

1:07

with the drug addiction I was unaware

1:10

of trauma from my history. I was

1:12

living with dissociated trauma. I

1:15

was very ego centric.

1:17

I was terrified, living

1:19

with a lot of fear. And I

1:22

couldn't at the time have contemplated

1:25

the piece that I have today. Not just oh,

1:28

the credentials or the the

1:30

work that I do or the fact that I wrote nine books

1:32

or any of that, it was more about

1:34

the inner piece that I truly could

1:36

not have contemplated. I could not have contemplated

1:39

the ease with which that's my kitty

1:41

kitty you know, crying in the background here. She's not

1:43

crying. She's actually happy because she's getting mom and

1:45

attention. But I couldn't

1:47

have contemplated that piece. No

1:50

way. Not at that

1:51

time.

1:52

And you write my desire to know

1:54

God ultimately was what saved

1:56

my life.

1:57

Tell us more about that. Throughout

1:59

my own journey of personal

2:02

growth and trauma recovery and

2:04

addiction recovery, I have

2:07

had one through line that

2:10

has been a saving

2:12

grace, and that is my

2:14

spiritual faith. Each

2:17

year after year, I continued to strengthen

2:19

my faith as a spiritual student and as spiritual

2:22

teacher. And having that faith

2:24

that was being guided, having the faith that even

2:26

when difficult things were happening, that it was that

2:28

there was a higher purpose. Having

2:30

that that inner strength and intuition

2:33

so heightened is what has

2:35

been the guiding force in my

2:37

life to go through difficult times

2:40

and come out the other side and

2:42

to be able to really feel the presence

2:45

of that spiritual connection by my side

2:47

as I faced into very

2:49

difficult experiences, memories and

2:52

resolved unresolved traumas.

2:55

And I needed that spiritual connection

2:57

to get me through.

2:59

What happens to our mind when we experience

3:02

a traumatic event? And how can it trigger

3:04

us so many years later even if that

3:06

event itself only occurred in a matter of

3:08

seconds?

3:09

Yeah. So we can have a one time trauma

3:12

that can dictate the rest of our life. And

3:14

it's actually because of

3:16

our it's off it's alive,

3:18

it's a biochemical issue.

3:21

It's it's it's it's getting set up with specific

3:24

brain functioning. It's

3:26

the nervous system being

3:28

stuck and truncated in a

3:30

freeze response. When

3:32

we experience trauma often, we

3:35

can even dissociate. We can check

3:37

out. And so if we if we freeze

3:40

or we or we don't

3:42

have the ability to run or move,

3:45

we can get into a neural loop

3:47

with feeling mainly of

3:50

that heightened state of

3:52

fear. And so what trauma

3:54

does is it creates that fear response

3:57

over and over in our nervous system.

3:59

But it's not necessarily because

4:01

we're reliving that initial trauma.

4:03

But it's because any form of fear

4:06

that hits us in life, you know, something that

4:08

feels out of control or loss of job or

4:10

pandemic can activate that

4:12

same fear response that is unresolved.

4:15

So while we may think, oh, okay, that happened when

4:17

I was three years old, well, you're still reliving

4:19

it every single day because your

4:21

nervous system responds to

4:23

fear or being out of control or

4:25

even specific triggers in the exact

4:28

same way it did decades ago

4:30

because it has not been fully resolved.

4:33

And so the resolution has to come

4:35

from somatic experience, a therapeutic

4:37

experience, an experience of reprocessing

4:40

the energetic disturbance

4:42

from the past.

4:43

Why did you decide to write happy

4:45

days? We've written so many books before. What

4:48

said to

4:48

you, hey, I really need to get this book out there.

4:51

I remembered childhood

4:54

trauma when I was thirty six years old. So I

4:56

was in two thousand sixteen. Is

4:59

that correct? Yeah. So yeah.

5:02

That was the one it was. And

5:04

I was so

5:06

taken aback by the fact that I'd lived for thirty

5:09

six years, not aware of

5:11

this experience that really had created

5:14

so much of my life's patterns. And

5:17

I knew then that I was

5:19

going to write a book about trauma

5:21

and trauma recovery. But I also

5:23

knew that I couldn't write that book until I'd lived

5:26

it. So here I

5:28

am now forty two years old publishing

5:30

this book, printing this book, and now,

5:33

because I have lived to tell

5:35

what freedom looks like, what

5:38

the other side of trauma

5:40

looks like. While I knew

5:42

I was meant to write this many

5:44

years ago, I knew I couldn't until

5:46

I had lived it. I

5:49

know that this is the time for this book because

5:51

anyone that's alive right now is is experiencing

5:53

trauma. We're living with

5:56

a worldwide pandemic Right now,

5:58

as we record this, we're in the midst of an outbreak.

6:02

It's a terrifying time. We

6:04

are feeling all times of unresolved

6:06

emotional distresses from our past because

6:09

we feel out of control in the present. And

6:11

so when we're out of control in the present, we

6:14

will returned to those same

6:16

neural pathways that told us we were not safe

6:18

when we were a child or whatever it was that

6:20

came up for us. So this book is a guide

6:22

to help people It's a guided

6:24

path from trauma to profound freedom

6:27

and inner

6:27

peace. That's the subtitle of happy days.

6:29

The pandemic has been really traumatic

6:31

for all of us, but I think for people

6:34

like myself or my mom, we've been lucky

6:36

enough not to have lost somebody. And

6:38

so it's hard to publicly say

6:40

or experiencing a hard time when we know

6:42

so many other people are experiencing

6:45

so much

6:45

worse. So how can we

6:47

try and communicate openly about

6:49

how it's affecting us think it's really important

6:52

not to minimize our suffering. We

6:54

all suffer. And some of us are luckier than

6:57

others. Some of us have experiences that are

6:59

easier. Some of us have circumstances that are

7:01

easier. And we

7:03

can but we also don't want to

7:05

minimize our suffering. We don't want to

7:08

downplay our suffering. Yes.

7:10

It's important to be conscious and aware

7:12

of your audience. Right? So if

7:15

if you were sitting here complaining all the time, but

7:17

you have a lot going on for you. It might be it

7:19

might be hard for your audience to hear that, but

7:21

it is really important to be truthful and

7:23

be honest about what we're going through in life because

7:25

that's actually a huge part of moving through it

7:28

is the bravery to speak for it,

7:30

to speak on behalf of it. So

7:33

we want to really be aware of the

7:35

ways that we may say, oh, well, that wasn't

7:37

so bad or it could be worse because

7:40

that's not really giving ourselves permission to

7:42

face what it was or what it truly is.

7:45

So let's all accept right now. We're all suffering

7:47

at this time. In some way, shape, or form. Even if things

7:49

are really good and you're having a great time, you're

7:51

still picking up the global

7:54

trauma, the collective trauma of

7:56

what's happening in the world, going

7:58

into a a restaurant, sending your kid to school

8:00

every day is scary feeling.

8:03

Mhmm. And that's the

8:05

truth. That's where we're at. And,

8:07

you know, having a deep level

8:09

of compassion for others can

8:11

allow you to also stay in your own

8:14

compassion for

8:15

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today. How can we as

10:22

a global community use all

10:25

of this that's happened to us since we've all

10:27

gone through a collective traumatic event

10:29

and be better advocates for

10:32

mental health in the long run as a result

10:34

of it? Well,

10:36

there's no other choice than

10:39

to wake up right now. There's we

10:41

can make another choice, of course. But the

10:43

way to really survive, thrive,

10:46

and and support others

10:48

for the future is to is to wake up

10:50

to your conscious awareness

10:52

of your own inner well-being, to do whatever

10:55

it takes to get yourself to a place of inner

10:57

safety and to then be a grounded

10:59

steady force for others. And

11:02

that is our responsibility as humans.

11:05

To show up for our own internal condition

11:07

so that we can show up for the world in a better way.

11:10

And so I think that when we phase

11:12

into the fears in the truths of what we've

11:14

been all living through. It's actually a beautiful

11:16

opportunity because it's letting people

11:19

We can't hide from are unresolved

11:22

suffering anymore. And

11:24

this pandemic has given us the

11:26

opportunity to face into feelings

11:29

that experiences from our past and

11:31

that we may never have touched. We may never ever wanted

11:33

to look at. But now we wanna feel better.

11:36

We wanna be more resilient. We want to

11:38

we can't live in that suffering. And

11:40

so I think that the answer is that we can

11:44

use this cracking open

11:46

as an opportunity

11:48

to go further with their own personal growth.

11:50

I really love how you

11:52

talk about the importance of having a

11:55

vision to get you beyond

11:57

whatever it is you're struggling with at

11:59

this particular moment. You talk about

12:01

saying the words there has to be a better

12:03

way. And you also talk about how

12:06

in your early sobriety, you couldn't

12:08

contemplate what better life could look

12:10

like, but you did know one thing for sure

12:12

you wanted to wake up without anxiety,

12:15

excited to live another day. So

12:17

tell us more about that and how we can

12:19

have a vision in our minds

12:21

when we wake up every day to help us

12:24

face days that may be very challenging.

12:27

We must wake up every day with the willingness

12:30

to see through the lens of love.

12:32

What that means, I'll break it down, is

12:34

that no matter what we

12:36

face each day. We can see it

12:38

with fear. We can see it with love. We can see

12:40

it with drama

12:43

and judgment and attack. We can

12:45

see it with opportunity and

12:49

strength and grace. And so

12:51

if we made that commitment waking up each day saying,

12:53

okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna choose to see through the

12:55

lens of love. I'm gonna choose to to

12:57

to to witness my experiences through

12:59

lens of love. Everything in your life will

13:02

change. Because it's not that you

13:04

don't have bad experiences. It's just that

13:06

you're you're consciously choosing

13:08

to see them through the

13:11

lens of possibility, the lens

13:13

of solution rather than seeking

13:15

problems, and it it can greatly

13:18

transform your entire experience in

13:20

life. And so much of this book,

13:22

my my little kitten is purring and and and

13:24

really happy right now, actually. She's

13:27

agreeing. Yeah. It's just agreeing.

13:29

Right? Little baby? There's

13:31

so much of what's written in this book is about

13:33

resilience. And in order for

13:36

us to survive these times, with

13:38

everything that we've also been through in our history

13:41

is to have the willingness

13:44

to show up for ourselves

13:46

first and then for the world. And that's

13:48

gonna require some personal growth

13:50

and some commitment to look inward and some

13:53

of our own shifts in

13:55

our energy. And it's it's not a small

13:57

thing, but it's it's it's in my opinion

13:59

the only way to show

14:00

up. How have you been able to show yourself

14:02

self compassion when you felt

14:04

really triggered to go back to who

14:06

you were and feel upset and angry

14:08

and come down hard on

14:09

yourself? I think that self compassion is actually

14:12

one of my superpowers because

14:14

my ability to to compassionately witness

14:17

my past or witness my behavior

14:19

in the present, and to just

14:21

speak to myself. Actually, I read about this in the

14:23

book, about how we can actually speak back to ourselves

14:26

with compassion. But to look at

14:28

a situation and say, okay, I mean, you

14:30

could have done that differently, but we'll try

14:32

again better next time or, you know, that

14:34

That isn't exactly what we wanna do moving

14:36

forward, but we forgive I forgive you.

14:38

Right? So really looking

14:40

at myself with compassion, but speaking to myself

14:43

with compassion, showing up for

14:45

day to day experiences with that commitment

14:48

to be self compassionate is

14:50

actually a superpower because if

14:53

we don't have that level of self compassion,

14:55

then we will live in a lot

14:57

of self blame and a lot of self

14:59

shaming. And in that place of

15:01

blame and shame, it's very hard to move forward

15:04

because we're constantly beating ourselves

15:06

up or punishing ourselves for what was

15:09

rather than giving ourselves the opportunity to

15:11

step into what can

15:12

be.

15:12

What is the vision that you wake up with

15:15

every day? I

15:18

wake up every day with the intention to

15:20

have fun, with the intention to help a lot of

15:22

people, with the intention to

15:24

be creative, I

15:27

don't it's it's nice because I feel pretty

15:29

centered in the moment now, so I'm not trying

15:32

to be so forward thinking of, like,

15:34

when am I gonna get there. There's no there's

15:36

no there I'm trying to get to. I'm trying to be in

15:38

this moment and have a good day. And

15:42

lot of things in my life right now, keep me present

15:44

in that. My three year old toddler can keep me really

15:46

present in that. But just

15:48

genuinely, my vision is to be

15:51

in the present moment each day and that

15:53

that can sound a little bit cheesy but I mean

15:55

it with all my heart to be in the presence

15:57

of my team to be in the

15:59

presence of my husband, to be in the presence of my

16:02

child, and to have fun, to be in the presence

16:04

of my kitten, who is with me right now.

16:06

And and adorable. She's so gorgeous.

16:09

I'm like, god. I'm obsessed with her. Yeah.

16:12

So I think that vision for

16:14

me is really about

16:17

the design of the day, not how

16:19

am I gonna be in five years?

16:21

It's not just making a gratitude a dude

16:23

list in the morning that's going to get

16:25

you to the place that you really wanna be

16:27

then. Right? You have to actually put it into

16:29

action. I think there's a lot of vehicles

16:32

and practices to get us to

16:35

the feeling that we want to assume. But

16:38

I really believe that we

16:40

can be in

16:43

the daily intention of gratitude,

16:46

in the daily intention of self compassion,

16:48

in the daily intention of personal

16:50

development. If that's the

16:53

vibe that you wake up with every day or it's like, you

16:55

know, how can I be more compassionate? How can I be more

16:57

grateful? How can I have more appreciation? You're

17:00

gonna have a really good

17:01

day. That's just it's just inevitable. That

17:03

is way where you set yourself up to win.

17:05

How important has right and journaling

17:08

Ben to you on this journey. In

17:10

the book, I have a practice that I write

17:12

about called Bridge on the page, and it

17:14

was really transformational for me. That practice

17:17

is a journaling practice of really letting

17:19

out all of your rageful feelings

17:21

for twenty minutes and then just letting yourself meditate

17:23

for twenty minutes after that. That

17:25

practice in itself was extremely

17:28

transformational, particularly through twenty twenty.

17:31

Writing nine books in eleven years

17:33

has transformed me, has healed me. A lot

17:35

of people say, like, who do you write your books for? I write

17:37

my books for myself because they're so

17:39

healing for me. And

17:42

as a result of Writing these books and

17:44

living these practices, I

17:47

have benefited greatly. So

17:49

writing has been a huge part of my own personal

17:52

growth journey.

17:53

Or I told anyone that I had

17:55

depression. I always felt like depression

17:57

was like a curse word. I couldn't say it.

17:59

I could be sad, I could be, oh, I'm feeling little

18:01

overwhelmed, but I couldn't say depressed. And

18:03

I love how you talk about how we shouldn't be

18:05

afraid to do that, to use mental health,

18:07

depression, anxiety to really

18:10

label ourselves as is. How does that help

18:11

us? I have a whole chapter in happy days.

18:14

It's all about facing shame.

18:16

And the shame around the stigma of

18:18

any kind of mental health concern or

18:21

issue. I personally

18:23

had to face my own shame

18:25

around stigma as when I was diagnosed with postpartum

18:28

depression. So I understand that

18:30

experience of feeling the silencing of

18:32

depression and not wanting to speak on behalf

18:34

of it. But if

18:36

we don't give voice to it, it will

18:38

take us over. If we don't

18:40

give voice to it, it will stay

18:43

shunned in the corner, it will stay

18:45

a shameful conversation. And so

18:48

as those of us who do live through

18:50

the experience of depression and anxiety

18:53

and come out the other side. And

18:55

those of us who speak on behalf of the truth

18:57

of mental illness, are the ones

18:59

that are really creating the pathway

19:02

for greater recovery for others. Because

19:04

frankly, it's It is

19:06

the silence about these issues that

19:08

make so many people stay

19:11

stuck in their suffering. Particularly

19:14

around mental illness and

19:16

around psychopharmaceutical drugs

19:19

that we may need at times to save our lives

19:22

and I speak so openly about all of

19:24

this in the book because I wanted

19:26

to give people permission to

19:29

accept honor and compassionately

19:32

speak on behalf of their own mental

19:34

health. What message would you

19:36

have someone who's listening and really

19:38

in a tough spot right now

19:41

and feeling like they have no one

19:43

that they can turn to. What's

19:45

the first step for them? They've already

19:47

taken it. If they're listening to this conversation,

19:50

that means that they have the willingness to feel

19:52

better. So in my opinion, they've

19:54

taken the first step, which is to have the bravery

19:56

and willingness to listen to

19:59

spiritual self help book author talk about

20:01

recovering from trauma. A

20:03

next step after that willingness is to

20:06

keep listening, to keep seeking, to keep

20:08

open your heart open to the support

20:10

that is around you. That could mean

20:12

being inspired by this interview and picking

20:14

up happy days and reading it. That could mean

20:17

listening to another one of your interviews are going

20:19

and finding a teacher or a

20:21

therapist or just taking that second

20:23

step. But the first step begins

20:25

with willingness, the slight willingness to

20:27

really be open and willing to receive

20:29

guidance in any form and to

20:32

really respect yourself enough to witness that

20:34

there's something that needs to be healed. That's

20:37

why I wrote Happy Days to be able to hand that book

20:39

to that person and

20:39

say, here's what I did. I

20:42

hope it helps, you know. And

20:45

I I'm I'm gonna shamelessly say

20:48

that go read the book. That's the answer.

20:50

It's a fabulous book. I read through the whole

20:52

thing in -- Yeah. Yeah. -- one sitting. You've

20:54

said that you could talk about vulnerability all

20:57

day, but it was hard for you to actually

20:59

tell your story. What were you

21:01

most embarrassed about and what was the reaction

21:04

that you got once you finally shared that

21:06

with

21:06

people? It was a lot to

21:08

safely be able to talk about trauma

21:10

and sexual abuse because there's so much

21:13

stigma around it. In

21:15

the same goes for the postpartum

21:17

depression and what goes around

21:19

that. And so

21:21

I had to make sure that I was safe enough

21:24

in my own experience of these

21:26

traumas to speak on behalf of

21:28

them. Because if we speak too soon, we

21:30

can really retrobotribes ourselves

21:32

and others. So

21:35

it's a delicate process of becoming

21:37

safe enough to be a

21:39

voice box for

21:42

issues that otherwise would be put

21:44

into a category of shameful. But

21:47

we can become shame shifters when

21:49

we open up our own

21:53

awareness and ability to heal

21:55

and to release our own shame around

21:57

these issues. We can then shift

22:00

the shame in others by being just a voice

22:02

for it, a a shame free

22:04

voice for it. Because anyone

22:06

listening to me right now, listening to me talk about some

22:08

of these experiences from my pastor, anyone that

22:10

reads happy days will feel that there

22:13

is no shame in these stories anymore.

22:16

And therefore they'll recognize themselves

22:18

in my story and my lack

22:21

of shame will give them permission to

22:23

be at ease with what their experiences may

22:26

be. Another one of the interesting things

22:28

you bring up in happy days is

22:30

that peace and love are who we

22:32

are we just

22:33

forgot. Why did we forget?

22:36

When we're born, we're born in that genuine

22:38

state of surrendered peace and love. And then at

22:40

every single day of our life, thereafter is consistent

22:44

reminder of that disconnect

22:47

from peace. So we we live in a world

22:49

that does not believe in

22:51

that belief system that the peace

22:53

and love of are who we are. We live

22:55

in a world that that that it is

22:57

focused on suffering and

23:00

chaos and

23:02

fear. And to

23:05

be alive is to be in

23:07

the presence of a lot of fear. And

23:09

so as we develop as humans, we

23:13

whenever pulled aside and said, here's the trauma

23:15

toolkit. Right? Like, here's how you resolve these

23:17

issues. We are hit with these

23:20

emotional disturbances, and then we're expected

23:22

to just carry the bag and carry on with

23:24

life and move forward. But those emotional

23:26

disturbances stick with us.

23:29

So that's why I think it's so valuable to

23:31

have tools like the tools that are presented

23:33

inside happy days because they

23:35

might be able to let you as a parent begin

23:37

to instill those those practices in your

23:40

child so that they can go through

23:42

life with a little bit less with a

23:44

way of being able to resiliently move

23:46

through fear. And remember

23:48

that peace and grace of who they are.

23:50

And so that's what we're here to do.

23:52

It's not necessarily to not

23:55

experience fear or trauma

23:58

but to have the connection and the resources

24:00

to

24:02

really be resilient in the midst of it

24:04

so that we can come back to that piece no

24:06

matter what. Can you give us an example

24:09

of something that might

24:11

trigger us and how we can

24:13

interrupt the fear response that we

24:15

get to it? And really just retrain

24:18

our body to at least have a

24:20

a neutral response when something

24:22

triggers

24:22

us? No, it's a great question.

24:25

Got everything these days is triggering. Getting

24:28

an email from your kid's school

24:31

that says, another kid has COVID, you know,

24:33

so then triggers usually say, okay, you know,

24:35

my kid's gonna get COVID, my kid's a toddler,

24:37

you know, whatever it is. The

24:40

news is quite triggering. Feeling

24:43

out of control in any way is triggering.

24:47

Even the way someone speaks to you

24:49

with a specific tone can trigger

24:51

you if it's a reminder of experience

24:53

from your childhood. And so

24:56

throughout the book, I write lot of methods

24:58

for interrupting the pattern of that

25:00

trigger. One in particular that is so

25:03

beautiful is just a heart hold. Just placing

25:06

your right hand on your heart and your left hand

25:08

on your belly and just breathing into your diaphragm.

25:12

And on the exhale, just relax. And

25:15

just with that hold continue to breathe in

25:19

and then let that go. And

25:23

breathe in. Let

25:25

that go and

25:28

take one more deep breath in. And

25:30

just relax. And

25:33

just feel into the steadiness and

25:35

the presence in your body right now. If

25:38

you were genuinely breathing, I'm sure you feel

25:40

some relief in this moment. And

25:43

that relief is the

25:45

interrupt of that triggered pattern. So

25:48

the next time you feel triggered or you feel activated

25:50

by something, just put your right hand on your heart

25:53

left hand on your belly and

25:54

breathe. And you interrupt

25:56

the pattern. I

25:58

wonder what message you would have for parents.

26:00

You're a parent yourself now. One of chapters

26:03

in your book is titled re parent yourself.

26:06

What message do you have for other parents out

26:08

there? For in terms

26:10

of what they can do to raise

26:12

kids who are better able

26:15

to cope with trauma.

26:18

First things first, work on

26:20

yourself because your children

26:22

are constantly co regulating. They're

26:25

picking up what you're putting out. So

26:28

if you're in an anxious state, they're picking

26:30

up that anxiety and establishing

26:32

what's known as an anxious attachment style

26:35

because they don't know what they're gonna get next

26:37

from that parent. Or

26:39

if you're some not

26:41

not someone that they can rely on,

26:43

then they're gonna start to feel a lot

26:45

of insecurity in that relationship.

26:48

So the best thing you can do is put your oxygen

26:50

mask on first and start to show up for

26:52

yourself. Taking

26:55

on therapeutic practices, going to therapy,

26:57

doing getting a life coach, reading a book like

26:59

happy days, do the work because

27:01

the more that you start to become

27:04

conscious and aware of your own energy and your own

27:06

your own presence, the easier it

27:08

will be for you to help your child because your

27:10

presence will become your power and your relationship

27:13

to your child. And you can begin to

27:15

help support them even just through a soothing energy.

27:18

Children need to be seen, they need to be

27:21

soothed, as Dan Segal says, they

27:23

need to be they need to be respected.

27:25

They need to have a a steadiness

27:28

in their life. But that can only

27:30

come when you do that for yourself. And that's why

27:32

I written that chapter, repair

27:34

it yourself because as we start to focus

27:36

on our own healing

27:39

of our own childhood wounds, we

27:41

can then not only get into good practice

27:43

of applying them for our children, but also

27:45

be a presence in our child's life

27:48

that is soothing and secure.

27:51

Abby, at the end of each show, we ask our guests

27:53

what is your nobody told me

27:55

lesson. So what is it

27:57

that nobody told you about how to find

27:59

inner peace despite experiencing trauma.

28:01

Let's say the most important thing, even

28:04

though happy days is filled with just tons of great

28:06

ones. That you wish you'd known when you

28:08

were experiencing the darkest days of your life

28:10

and you'd like to pass it on to our listeners.

28:13

Nobody told me it was okay to

28:15

feel my feelings.

28:18

And I think that's a huge gift that this

28:20

book offers readers is that it's a

28:22

big permission slip

28:25

to forgive yourself and feel your feelings

28:28

and

28:29

be where you are. Be in the

28:31

presence of what you need to feel. Howard Bauchner:

28:34

Yeah, and you give you you give people permission

28:36

also to have that that vision like

28:38

you talk about like that vision that I'm gonna

28:40

wake up without anxiety. That's

28:43

exactly right.

28:44

And how can people connect with you on social

28:46

media and the Internet? Everything

28:49

is at dear gabbie dot com or

28:51

my podcast, dear gabbie, and

28:54

on social

28:54

media, I'm at gabby Bernstein, GABBY.

28:57

At Gabby Bernstein.

28:59

Alright. Perfect. Well, thank you so much, Gabby,

29:01

for joining us. This has been absolutely

29:04

life changing.

29:04

Yeah. Yeah. I reported his fabulous