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1:28

meet Harvelyn. That was Tarvelyn doing the

1:30

lovely echo sounds there. Thank you. Now

1:32

we've had an email in, thank you

1:34

so much, from an asker who was

1:36

comforting her very good friend. They

1:38

were hugging each other. Her husband came in,

1:40

saw them, misread the situation,

1:43

thought, Haru, we've got a threesome

1:45

on our hands here lads. And

1:47

even when he discovered that it was

1:50

not a threesome situation, he is now

1:52

actively pushing for the threesome thing. Now,

1:54

our asker is not opposed to the

1:56

idea of a threesome in general, but

1:59

not with her. best friend. Yeah.

2:01

Yeah. I think I can see that. Oh,

2:03

totally. You know what? I've never had a

2:05

threesome. Neither have I, Tara. We are the

2:08

ideal experts for this conversation then. We are.

2:10

Yeah, excellent. Because it's all theoretical. Yes. I've

2:13

never done it. I've never really been tempted to

2:15

do it, but I think if I were, it

2:17

would have to be someone I didn't really know

2:19

very well. I agree. For me,

2:22

I'd be mortified to put with somebody I

2:24

knew. And I see both sides, that yes,

2:26

the trust and the kind of discretion of

2:28

someone that you know well and the kind

2:30

of the loving warmth of it all.

2:32

But for me then, I'm taking my friendship

2:35

into a new realm that I don't know

2:37

if it recovers the rest of the friendship

2:39

promise. Do we trust each other more or

2:41

less? Or I don't know

2:43

because I haven't gone there. Yes, but

2:45

I can see it all my thought.

2:47

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, anybody can do

2:49

whatever they like. All consenting

2:51

adults work away. And I really love

2:54

that there is so much

2:57

less judgment these days about what people

2:59

do sexually. You know, so long as

3:01

everyone is on board, work away. Why

3:03

not enjoy yourself? And

3:06

I think everyone

3:08

needs to decide for themselves, whether they

3:10

would prefer somebody they know or a

3:12

complete stranger or somebody that just met

3:14

in a bar or whatever. Frozen comes

3:16

to. Yeah. But I do think that

3:19

both people in the original relationship, you have

3:22

to be both into it. You know, if

3:24

one person is kind of a bit, God,

3:26

I don't know, but she really wants to

3:28

do it. And maybe I will just to

3:31

kind of, that's not ideal.

3:33

You know, you've got to be both

3:36

enthusiastic. And I think it's really

3:38

important to acknowledge that your relationship

3:40

may be changed forever by this.

3:42

Yeah, it might. The dynamics can

3:44

shift after something like this. If

3:46

it hasn't already been part of

3:48

your marriage or your relationship, it

3:50

can change things. It might

3:52

open the boundaries further for

3:55

one of you. And not

3:58

for the other. I think the best. hope

4:00

for it is be honest. Be as honest as

4:02

you can. If that's like I'm not into it,

4:04

you need to say that. And then work from

4:07

there. You might be on different pages, but it

4:09

might be temporary. But I think

4:11

going along with something to get along, especially

4:13

something as serious

4:16

as intimacy. Exactly. As fundamental

4:18

to many relationships as intimacy.

4:21

You can't fake it. You can't

4:24

dance around it. You need to be

4:26

clear. And I think you also need

4:28

a debrief afterwards. Yes. An honest one.

4:30

How are you now? Yes. I

4:33

often read about relationships

4:35

where the man

4:37

wants to have a

4:39

threesome with his female partner and another

4:42

woman. How would he feel if

4:44

it was his female partner and

4:46

another man? I think

4:48

sometimes if the decision is

4:50

tricky to open things up to

4:52

another female partner, maybe ask him

4:54

how he'd feel about if

4:57

a man was brought in. That might help

4:59

him to see how it is from his worried

5:02

female partner's position. Yeah. And it's

5:04

interesting, Chris. I don't think that

5:06

would be as controversial now, a

5:09

topic to bring into a threesome

5:11

conversation, because we, I think

5:13

especially the youngins know there's

5:15

a lot more of nuance

5:17

and sexuality than not labelling

5:19

of who they are

5:21

or who they would like to be with. I

5:24

love it. Yes. It's so exciting. I think it's

5:26

a brilliant, a positive thing. Forgive me if I've

5:28

said things that are really, really old. No, I

5:30

don't think you have, but I just think that

5:33

it is something that is definitely something to bring

5:35

into the conversation. And I feel like someone younger

5:37

than me would have no problem bringing that. And

5:39

I love the conversation. I love it for them.

5:42

Now, I'm going to tell you the closest I

5:44

ever came to a threesome. Oh, this is juicy.

5:46

I love it. No limits, no limits. No limits.

5:48

No, it is. It's tragically innocent. And

5:51

I think the thing for me

5:53

really like about sex was sex

5:55

was always about romance for me

5:58

rather than sex as a separate. thing,

6:00

you know, which again makes me feel like

6:03

a right-held sap. No, not that I've done

6:05

the opposite. I've done the lack of intimacy,

6:07

sex thing, and it

6:09

sort of dehumanizes the other person a bit. It's

6:11

not a nice dynamic. It's not a good

6:13

or kind place to be coming from.

6:16

So I would rather your version

6:18

of events than that period of

6:20

my life over again. I mean, I get that

6:22

as well. But anyway, when I was 14, I

6:24

had a boyfriend and the class was after three

6:26

months and I was mad about him. He

6:28

broke it off with me after the three months. And you'd

6:30

swear we'd been, I don't know,

6:33

married for 40 years and we had

6:35

like eight children and 39 grandchildren, the

6:37

karyanimite, you know? And then,

6:39

I don't know, maybe was

6:41

it two years later,

6:43

his friend put his

6:45

eye on me. Yes. And

6:48

I was different then. I was older. I was, you know,

6:50

grown up woman of 16. Hotty.

6:53

Yeah, I find sure. Well,

6:55

when I look back, you know,

6:57

and so me and the

6:59

friend were getting, you

7:02

know, close to each other. And

7:04

there was one night because we all went out

7:06

like in big groups, you know? And

7:08

there was one night and we were all out and we

7:11

were at some pain in Black Rock. And

7:13

it was a rainy night and we were walking

7:15

home because that's what it was like in the

7:17

olden days. There was no money for

7:19

taxis and there was no parents coming to pick

7:21

us up. Yeah, we're very few taxis. In the

7:23

jaunting car. The big jaunting. Yeah.

7:26

Yeah. And. The four-year threesome. This is probably

7:28

the highest point of my life. This is

7:30

probably when I felt like the most femme

7:32

fatality thing I've ever felt. So,

7:35

so we're all walking home and

7:37

me and my new love to

7:39

be, you know, that is just about happening.

7:42

He and I are sort of

7:44

walking along covertly holding hands.

7:47

Oh, okay. Right. And the

7:50

ex-fella who must have picked up

7:52

on some dynamic but didn't know that I

7:55

had started something with his friend

7:58

Came along the other side of me. Slit

8:00

his arm around my waist to

8:02

I'm walking along with to rides

8:04

one on either side of me

8:06

and I swear to God Tara

8:09

I says slept yes I am

8:11

Helen of Troy Still think yes

8:13

not know Discuss this with the

8:15

highest rate of made Yeah that

8:17

was the most powerful I ever

8:19

since. Sexually, you know or romantically

8:21

and am a Do is a

8:23

real thrill of feeling. Oh my

8:26

God. They both liked. Me: Doesn't

8:29

really trees and stuff like I know.

8:31

It's. I think that's probably proves that feeling

8:33

desired is very earn. I mean every feeling

8:35

the site into something January Essences is. and

8:37

that's why it's when you break up with

8:40

someone at fourteen oh, or seat the As

8:42

Six or for me, twenty seven or whatever

8:44

as yet that there is real Greece and

8:46

as the cause is that expectation in there

8:48

and and all of us. But it is.

8:51

And then you, you're losing a person who

8:53

you really care of as from your day

8:55

to day life. Yes, but that sounds gorgeous

8:57

as far as I'm concerned. to have had

8:59

a three hour times you tire. I lucy.

9:02

oh yes that qualify yeah for sure.

9:04

Yes, the with feelings between the three

9:06

of us definitely it's we were in

9:08

a litter triangle have something to have.

9:11

Missed these students. This?

9:13

Yes. I mean, it's a memory that makes

9:15

me very happy. And you know, because I spend so

9:17

much of my life as a young. Person and

9:19

a teenager and. The twenty something and and

9:22

actually all the time feeling like such a

9:24

kind of a weirdo who was you know

9:26

just could never kind of makes life happen

9:28

for me when I think of that and

9:30

the title. yeah in that moment I was

9:32

a contender so askers little to hear you

9:34

know you don't have to reveal any details

9:36

you don't want to. This is if we're

9:38

it before wide as gay about this whole

9:41

three. some things although I do think we

9:43

are experts no expert sex parts and sat

9:45

in the now after this know let's see

9:47

an awesome thank you for joining us First

9:49

tank you on now us gangs. No

9:51

limit.