0:13

Welcome to the off menu podcast, slicing

0:15

the squid of conversation. Dunking

0:18

it in the batter of good humor and

0:20

frying it in the oil of the

0:22

internet. We're making Acaster calamari

0:24

baby. I absolutely love that.

0:26

My name is James at Iqalamari, and that

0:28

is

0:29

Ed squidfall. Ed squidfall.

0:32

And of course, we are joined as ever

0:34

by the wedge

0:34

of lemon. This is the great Benito. Squirt,

0:36

Squirt, squirt, ewet of lemons, spray

0:38

them over all the food, and you might not see

0:40

him. But it the flavor is

0:42

there. It's not the same without him. Yeah. Throughout

0:45

the podcast, the flavor is there, man.

0:47

You gotta squid you but you gotta give him a

0:49

squeeze. Yeah. He's

0:50

sharp, he's abrasive. He's

0:52

yellow. This is not

0:54

making podcast. We have

0:57

a dream restaurant, Ed and I. And

0:59

we invite a guest every single week. We ask them

1:01

their favorite ever starter, main course dessert,

1:03

side dish, and drink, not in that order. And

1:05

this

1:05

week, our guest is Reece

1:08

Schismuth. Oh,

1:10

Reese Schismuth, League of Gentlemen,

1:12

Inside Number nine, Psychoville, and

1:15

many many other brilliant

1:16

things, James. Oh, boy, Mahartis. What's

1:19

that? National Treasury. We're in

1:21

National Treasury territory. Yeah. For sure. Very

1:23

treasured. Not buried treasure. That was the no.

1:25

We just realized pirates is more buried treasure.

1:27

But yeah. As of when we're recording this,

1:31

we shits. We shits. If it's not

1:32

Reece. We'll save the pirate impression

1:35

for when we release an episode with a national

1:37

treasure, who since recording the episode,

1:39

has

1:40

passed. Yeah. And that would be buried treasure. Yeah.

1:42

And, well, I mean,

1:44

this is a guest who who would love it when he's

1:46

dead. Yeah. Be

1:47

shamelessly, if I imagine, is very much looking forward

1:49

to been dead. Yeah. Yeah. He

1:51

loves all that stuff. He loves all that

1:52

stuff. Hopefully, will it get a dark menu

1:55

maybe? Some spooky stories? Some spooky

1:57

stuff. But hopefully, he

1:59

will not die. Before he does

2:01

the whole run of the unfriend

2:03

James as a new play, that he's in.

2:06

Very much looking forward to seeing it. He's been written by

2:08

Stephen Moffett, and he's been directed by Mark

2:10

Gaitis. I mean, come on. This is the dream

2:12

team we're talking here. This is very exciting.

2:15

I really like the sound of I

2:16

mean, hopefully, we'll get we'll get some more info

2:18

from Reece about it. I'm sure we will.

2:20

It's on right now at the criterion. It's

2:22

a strictly limited season. So

2:25

go to the unfriend dot com to book tickets

2:27

for that. I'm going. Maybe you could be there

2:29

on the same night as I

2:30

am. Yeah. I'm going. Maybe you'll

2:32

be there on the same night as I am. So

2:34

listen, I love these Cheersmith. I'm

2:36

gonna try not to fan way out. But if

2:38

Reece Cheersmith does a secret ingredient, an ingredient

2:41

which we deem to be an accept but we will kick him

2:43

out of the dream

2:43

Acaster. We will. And this week, I think

2:45

what ingredient is. Special

2:47

stuff.

2:48

Special stuff. It's a reference. It's

2:51

a reference.

2:51

No. It's a

2:52

reference. Reference. Reference. Reference.

2:56

Reece.

2:59

Welcome to the rep on. Gonna

3:01

level with you. This is the first thing we've recorded

3:04

today, and I've not really slept very

3:06

well.

3:06

Hence, I can't say the word reference. Yep.

3:08

I feel fit as a fiddle, though. So I'm

3:11

fairly one of those rare occasions where I'm picking

3:13

up the Slack.

3:14

Yes. Please please pick up that Slack. But this

3:16

is what it sounds like when I'm picking up the Slack,

3:18

is that you do notice that there is slack there

3:20

still. But don't worry,

3:22

there will be no slack in this interview. Very

3:24

excited to chat to Shearsmith. Special

3:26

stuff with some legal

3:27

gentleman, by the way. Yeah. They know that. Well,

3:29

some people might not know that. If they're listening to that. Yeah.

3:31

If if they're excited to listen to this,

3:34

and they're like, Reece they're gonna know special

3:36

stuff. It's people in the pies. No.

3:38

I'll never

3:39

say that's the point.

3:40

Yeah. Yeah. We know it's people. No. We don't.

3:44

Do it. We we do know it's people.

3:46

We don't know it's people. Special stuff. Mhmm.

3:49

Why does it give people nosebleeds?

3:50

Yeah. That's that's a good point. Yeah.

3:53

This is the off menu menu of Reece

4:04

Welcome Reece to the Dream Restaurants. Thank

4:07

you. Thank you for having

4:09

Welcome, Vishias Smith, to the dream best of all. I've

4:11

been expecting you for some time. Thank

4:13

you very much. Now I need some clarification

4:15

about what the Reece restaurant can do. Mhmm.

4:17

Yeah. Because can it shrink me down

4:20

to the size of a sparrow? Yeah.

4:23

Yes. Yeah. I might Of

4:24

course, you got a genie here. You

4:26

know, genie, you could do that. Yeah. Good. Because

4:28

my location, if you want to know

4:30

it --

4:30

Yeah. -- is a

4:31

nest. So

4:35

if that's alright.

4:36

Yeah. I know that's

4:37

alright. So loud.

4:38

Good. Hello. So the team messed up for you as a Nestor.

4:40

You're the son, you're the spouse. Yeah. Yeah. We can't I can't say

4:42

it's come up before, but it is allowed. I

4:44

guess we'll ask why.

4:47

Really? Yeah. I wonder if people was gonna ask it. But

4:49

it's the reason is when I was little, I've

4:51

read a very little

4:53

known rolled out book. It's very

4:55

slim called the magic finger.

4:57

I mean, that it's it's not really

5:00

celebrated. Maybe you'll you'll know

5:02

why when I explain it. About a girl

5:04

that turns the next door neighbors that she doesn't like

5:06

into SPARS -- Yeah.

5:09

-- birds. Yeah. And then these big birds end

5:11

up in her house with arms. And

5:13

but they've got

5:14

wings. I'm not bothered about the wing part, otherwise

5:16

I can't eat the meal. Yeah.

5:18

Or but I have to eat

5:22

that one of the nicest bits in it. It's not meant to

5:24

memorize. I reread it Reece. And when you have that strange

5:26

memory when you you're sure of things

5:28

and you look back at them and they're completely different. Yeah.

5:30

Mean, Marcus Steve, have a collective memory of an armchair

5:33

thriller with Martin Jarvis who

5:35

gets sent a box of chocolates and he opens it

5:37

up and its dog shit rolled into chocolates.

5:39

Yeah. That's not true. That never happened.

5:41

It it happened, but it wasn't Martin Jarvis.

5:45

What And we

5:46

collective memory. I

5:47

feel like you've remembered the main bit of that, though.

5:49

Also, if there was if there was

5:51

an armed jet play with Martha Jarvis and he just

5:53

had some chocolates and you'd all remembered some dog shit

5:56

big wrapped up in

5:56

there, that'd be weird.

5:57

Yeah. Guess But

5:58

if I was to kind of like think what part of

6:00

that TV show you

6:03

free had made up in your

6:04

heads, it would not be the Martin Jarvis

6:05

movie. It would

6:07

be people eating dog shit. A

6:09

box of Yeah. Yeah. That's that's very

6:11

useful. Yeah. So anyway, the

6:13

the yes. The story of the magic finger

6:16

of my a old doll is this little girl transforms

6:18

these mean neighbors into sparrows

6:20

and they have to make a nest to sleep

6:23

because they can no longer live in their house. Yeah.

6:25

They're they're building s and it's in a Reece

6:27

one of the nicest cozy bits of it in

6:29

my memory. And this is sort

6:31

of traject Reece for my entire menu

6:33

for my dream restaurant endeavors because

6:36

it's a nice cozy feeling and

6:39

increasingly as I get older, all my

6:41

I cling onto the nice memories of childhood

6:43

that make me feel happy. One

6:45

of these memories was when

6:48

they build this nest and they're they're in it for the

6:50

night, It pours down with rain and they're

6:52

in the nest. And it the it's just a very

6:54

cozy memory of I remember thinking, I'd

6:56

like to do that and be in the nest at night

6:58

time -- Yeah. -- whilst it's raining -- Yeah. -- a pit of butter

7:00

on the

7:01

Reece. in fact, raging storm. Maybe

7:03

it's a little bit like being in a tent when it's pouring

7:05

down a rain,

7:06

something great about it, isn't So that's where I

7:08

want the mine meal to happen. What? Most of all.

7:10

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

7:11

You can get the stuff up the tree. No problem.

7:13

That's all. The tree.

7:14

Goods. Well, that's

7:15

really unbelievable. But you as borrow forever then

7:17

after that. No. She is

7:19

kind. The the girl turns them back. And

7:21

then there's there's a redemptive quality

7:24

to the

7:24

story. But you in the dream restaurant, you're down to the

7:26

size of sparrow to eat the meal. Yeah. Are you

7:28

then gonna be full size

7:30

again?

7:31

What what a meeting?

7:32

No. After you've been after

7:33

you've been yeah. Go back to normal. Yeah. Yeah. I come down

7:35

from the trade deals out. You wouldn't be full and go above

7:37

my life. You have to have felt yourself as full size Reece.

7:39

Yeah. Yeah.

7:40

Yeah. And it's not know, the meal is now gonna be

7:42

an extension of this whole situation like

7:44

worms or anything.

7:45

Yeah. There

7:45

are. Then the meal is it's the meal. Human

7:47

food. FumaFib.

7:48

Is it raining during the meal so you can hear that?

7:50

Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

7:52

Otherwise, there's no point to that. Yeah. Yeah. Nest.

7:54

That's what that's what you wanted. Excellent.

7:56

Yeah. Are you a fan of food in

7:58

general? Are you a foodie? I

8:00

was thinking about am I a foodie. I'm quite obsessed

8:03

with my way to not but only

8:05

through vanity

8:05

filming. So I was trying to not on

8:08

getting fat, but I think I could easily

8:10

be I I could eat a lot of food and

8:12

forbidden and become do you ever not

8:14

think about writing an episode for the next

8:17

series of Insight number nine where you do like a

8:19

sort of method thing where you allow yourself

8:21

to change body shape to play a

8:22

character? That would be so good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

8:24

the best characters and we don't do it very often now,

8:26

but is when you were padding. Because

8:29

then doesn't matter what's happening to underneath. It's

8:32

best ever when you wear, like, size forty's

8:34

trousers or whatever it might be. But it's increasingly

8:37

hard to not remain slim. I have a very

8:39

strict and I I've just recently

8:41

broken my foot, so I can't do it, but I have

8:43

quite on the side of fitness. I have

8:45

a morning regime with these very rich ladies

8:48

that we've

8:48

got, like, a sergeant major man that

8:51

does a work out with us every --

8:52

Mhmm.

8:52

Monday Wednesday, Friday. He's in the

8:54

rich ladies. Sergeant Majorman. Yeah. And the

8:56

sergeant Majorman. That's his name. I'm not gonna

8:58

tell him news name, but Yeah. And he

9:00

he's a kind. He's like sergeant Major, but he's nice with

9:02

it. Yeah. So we don't get

9:04

I don't get told off. He's just Yeah.

9:06

You're encouraged. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's outside,

9:09

and it's nice now, and it's all weathers, and we

9:11

and and I I used to really like doing it. Not doing

9:13

too long now because I was filming and that

9:15

that stopped it and then I broke my thoughts. I will not

9:17

be able to get back on

9:18

it. Scott

9:19

and isn't it when you find a

9:20

-- Yes. -- type of exercise you enjoy,

9:22

you're actually doing it quite regularly. Yeah. Like, I'm getting

9:25

back on especially, like, you know, since the pandemic

9:27

and stuff. Absolutely. We all fell behind that kind of

9:29

stuff. You start getting back on it again. And then something

9:31

like breaking your

9:32

foot. Yeah. Yeah. Like, goddamn it.

9:34

Silly. Silly accent. Yeah. And you and

9:36

it's like being through a door, isn't it? You're either completely

9:39

fully doing it and can't not do

9:40

it. Yeah.

9:41

Or you just I'm why did I ever think I

9:43

was doing that?

9:43

I don't do that. A sheet. Yeah.

9:45

So I'm in the I'm in the other side of the door

9:48

with the door firmly closed and just looking

9:50

through only fit people.

9:51

Yeah. Or the rich ladies. Yeah. Would you ever

9:53

go down to hang out with the sergeant

9:55

Major in the rich ladies with the broken foot just to sort

9:57

of pick up the

9:58

vibes?

9:58

I might walk by with the with

10:00

a cane.

10:01

It was something I

10:03

didn't hear me in the morning where where I know they'll be.

10:05

Yeah. March them down the steps and rolling and

10:07

doing you know, brown work on

10:09

the on the side of the hill and

10:12

look at them obviously, weirdly. But yeah.

10:15

III don't know. It would make me feel too

10:17

unfit to do that. I'd have to I mean, in

10:19

it or out of it. And then a WhatsApp group and I sort

10:21

of mute the WhatsApp group. Yeah. Because

10:24

I can't bear the I still see. Everyone,

10:26

nine o'clock tomorrow, and thanks for a great morning. was

10:28

great. Wasn't it? No. It wasn't part of it.

10:32

You've all locked in about a thousand calories. I've

10:34

done nothing. I've eaten some Jeff Cakes.

10:38

So that was is a is a constant

10:40

reminder of how which I'm not

10:42

doing. So food wise, I it's

10:44

a slight adversarial quality

10:47

to food because I try to eat healthily,

10:49

but not I'm sometimes Then

10:52

I go on that weird crash course of having

10:54

SlimFast and dieting and trying

10:56

to be thin for a duration

10:59

and then not mind again because I think I'm not no one's gonna

11:01

take a picture me now for ages. So it doesn't matter.

11:04

It's the

11:04

pictures that -- Yeah. -- that's the only reason I'm Yeah.

11:06

Yeah. Yeah. And the

11:07

only reason I'm even now not

11:09

shit. I'm shaving today and I you know, why

11:11

would I be if I wasn't come to see

11:12

you? Oh, oh, it's so special. Yeah.

11:14

I could close on.

11:15

I mean, I Yeah. I only maintain

11:17

the existence of of human eye form because

11:20

I I am in front of people who've said sometimes

11:22

in my

11:22

existence.

11:23

Yeah. That's

11:23

the only reason that you do. Any any

11:26

man wash being polite.

11:27

Yep. If I didn't have to encounter

11:29

any people, which I don't like

11:31

doing. Yeah.

11:32

I think that'd be some sort of troll Reece. Yeah.

11:35

Why not? No need to

11:36

It's good for not being recognized as well.

11:38

Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Well, talking

11:41

about middle class England's obsession with good manners.

11:43

You could do doing a play soon called the unfriend.

11:46

That's right. That's really good, James. What a

11:48

good link. Yeah.

11:49

Not bad. No. He's You know

11:51

my better one. You're seamless to me. I mean,

11:53

a a bell even though you brought it up. Yeah.

11:55

I'm quite pleased. Well, I heard you dropped the manor

11:56

thing and he was like, oh,

11:58

that's that's wrong a little bell in my head.

12:00

And he said talk about and I thought we haven't really been talking

12:02

than -- Yeah. Yeah. -- a little bit better.

12:06

No. No. It's alright. It's fine. Yeah. Good first

12:08

draft. Yeah. And, yes,

12:10

I am doing a play about manners,

12:12

I guess. You could say that. Yeah. Steven Moffitt

12:15

wrote this play called the unfriend. Which

12:17

we did in Chichester at the festival

12:20

theatre last year. It's about it's a

12:22

true story about this his neighbors who

12:24

went on a cruise. Sort of an unbelievable

12:26

story there, but it was old Trony. He listened to them

12:28

and he said, can I have this as a as

12:30

an idea? And he wrote to play about it.

12:33

Debbie and Peter, his neighbors went on holiday

12:35

on a cruise, and they met and befriended this American

12:37

lady on the deck of the ship, and they've sort of got

12:39

to knew her over few the the couple

12:41

of weeks that were on the cruise. They

12:43

parted their ways at the end, and she said, oh, we must get

12:45

e swap email addresses. We're keeping content. I thought,

12:47

well, fine. Do that, but we'll never see her again.

12:50

And within, like, a month, she was emailing saying, can I

12:52

come and stay with you? I'm coming to England. And

12:54

they're like, oh, okay. And

12:56

so they wrote back, sensibly.

12:59

Yes. They're friend they've done like is

13:01

it a friend that don't do

13:02

Facebook? You do friends on Facebook

13:03

dot com. Yeah. Yeah. It's why it's why it's called the unfriend

13:05

because they when they found out about l stay

13:08

unfriendly to her. Right. And the

13:10

wife, Debbie Googled her to find out

13:12

a bit more about it because they're what we don't know if she is. And now

13:14

she's coming to our house and got children, blah blah blah.

13:16

Rang the husband when she found out, come home.

13:19

I need to tell you something that I've found out about

13:21

Ursa. Do I think the real name was Ursa?

13:23

What's happened? Tell me, I can't tell you over the phone you've

13:25

got to come home. So if come home, you come home,

13:28

what's the worst thing you could find out about someone that's

13:30

coming to stay with you? I don't know. Guess

13:32

Debbie, I don't know what is it? Yes. I

13:35

don't know murderer. Yes.

13:37

And she was a murderer. And

13:40

she'd killed, I think, her far

13:43

definitely a father and a a couple

13:45

of an old couple of old ladies all for

13:47

greed and got off on her

13:48

technicality. Definitely did it. Jeez.

13:50

She was

13:51

out. And so in real life, they just

13:53

emailed us, said culture culture culture culture. We bought children, no. We

13:55

don't want nothing more to do with you. And the other that

13:57

was the end of it. We never heard it from her again. In the play,

13:59

they're too polite, too British to say

14:01

no. Yeah. So she comes. And

14:04

it's this sort of awful

14:07

situation just gets worse and worse for this

14:09

family that I've got this murder poison

14:11

in the

14:11

house. Very funny play, and I'm very delighted

14:14

he got a a transfer. So we're doing it

14:16

again in

14:16

and directed by Mark as well. By Mark

14:18

Gaitis. Yeah. My old cohort.

14:21

You know, that which was great fun. Stephen Moffett wrote

14:23

it. Amanda Abington is playing my wife.

14:25

It's a really funny play. It's sort of

14:27

not There's no bigger meaning other than,

14:29

hopefully, you will come and just laugh. It's just

14:31

funny, I think. As if that's a bad thing, but

14:33

it's not. I think in the days we're in, it's it's

14:36

quite a good just to have a a

14:37

laugh. So, yeah, that's what I'll

14:39

be doing at the moment.

14:40

Fantastic. And that's not until the

14:42

sixteenth of April as well. That's right.

14:44

Yeah. That's such a long time for you to have to,

14:46

you know, shave and be present

14:48

I know. You're right there, actually.

14:50

Yes. There is that to having to do it

14:52

at theater. You've got to

14:53

be at a certain place. I mean, I'm

14:55

sure you know what it's like. And everyone does one. You've

14:57

got a list of not even in the

15:00

week, but just day to day things I

15:02

just love it when things get ticked off when you

15:04

achieve them.

15:04

Yeah. I

15:05

don't know why that one one day when I don't have anything

15:07

in the diary, but I I sort

15:09

of love it and don't love

15:10

it. I'm always busy, but I don't and

15:12

I I strive for the day where it's like,

15:15

Dexter cleared. But then within a minute.

15:17

Now what what am we doing? Yeah. I'm

15:20

failing. So it's an endless

15:23

torture. Yeah.

15:24

Yeah. What is it? Not a lucky It's not a happy life

15:26

of torture. Life of torture. Yes. Yeah. No.

15:28

No. That this is why I need to go in a nest. Yeah.

15:30

Yeah. No. Yeah. Well, that's rated. Wow.

15:32

It's rated. Exactly. You understand that

15:35

you

15:35

guys. Why was that? Good. Good.

15:39

We always start with still a sparkling water.

15:42

You see? And again, you plunge

15:44

me into a dilemma. Mhmm. Because

15:46

and I was thinking about this whole idea of going

15:48

to a restaurant. It's massively stressful

15:51

for me -- Yeah. -- in the same way as as going

15:53

to cinema. They're gonna come and sit

15:55

next to me. They're going to talk all the way through it. They are talking

15:57

all the way through it. Do I say anything? The light please,

16:00

I'll be checking the text all the way through or they are doing?

16:02

A running commentary of yeah. What if

16:04

shall I say something? Oh, no. Shall I move?

16:06

Is it now I've left it too late. Same

16:09

thing applies with the minefield love

16:11

going to restaurant to me that put me in

16:13

the toilet. Yeah. I'm near draft.

16:16

I can't bear it. Those people are too loud talking.

16:19

So there's constant things. And one of the

16:21

first hurdles is

16:23

the passive aggressive still lost Barclays.

16:25

Because to me, it's just, oh, they were trying

16:27

to bump the price and then what means is buy buy

16:30

water. Uh-huh. I just wanna sit at. Yeah.

16:32

Yeah. And if it's raining

16:34

and just put a little maybe half egg shell out

16:36

and just collect

16:38

support. Yeah. I think we got your own

16:40

mess for a second. Yeah.

16:42

Where'd you like, being next to the toilet if you love

16:45

to pick a pack of rain? So much.

16:47

That's that's very different to the best part of rapace.

16:49

Yeah. That's it differently.

16:52

But if you push me to Anshane, it's and

16:54

if it's free in the Dream Rest Sure.

16:56

Sparkling. Now, if you're a bird

16:58

-- Yes. -- can you have Sparkling? Because I

17:00

thought it exploded the stomach. That's the

17:02

size of the Sparkling. I thought that was pigeons

17:04

and Parcissimo. Because

17:07

I thought it was I think I've done it. You

17:10

think you've done it. And the

17:12

memory of doing it at school, some nice -- Yeah.

17:14

-- house used to back onto my school playing

17:16

field. And I remember throwing them across the way

17:19

to see if it

17:19

happened. I don't remember anything happening.

17:21

Yeah. Did you do? Or is this a Martin Jarvis

17:23

situation? Jobs. Jobs.

17:25

It's it's young. It

17:28

wasn't up Chetan or not. Yes. So we're just talking

17:30

about

17:31

a man in the woods. Okay. Upon himself, to

17:33

explore the stomach. So I mean, I quite

17:35

like the thought of your dream water

17:37

being half an egg shovel of rainwater.

17:40

It's

17:41

like a cursed child.

17:42

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which actually inexplicably

17:44

is the front of the of the pallets theatre

17:46

and it's that Reece but there's nothing to

17:48

do with that in the

17:49

play. The little -- Yeah. -- the thing, a

17:51

little

17:52

child with an in a Yeah.

17:53

Yeah. It's got nothing to do with any of

17:55

it. So let's not miss something. There's

17:56

nothing to do with it. And it I think it I

17:59

really enjoyed the cast. I

18:00

mean, I only liked the cast of that

18:01

nest. I enjoyed

18:02

it. Yeah.

18:03

Finally, I can go coop gone to the nest.

18:06

There's nothing to do with that wage exact.

18:07

Second half or whether obviously they're gonna keep the next thing

18:10

to the second half to keep people interested.

18:11

Yeah. It doesn't come. You're ready ready to

18:13

get there. Ready, ready this thing is named?

18:15

It massively smacks of a play that was advertised

18:18

before it was finished.

18:18

Yeah. Let's have a nest and a child in it. Yeah.

18:20

And we'll explain that then

18:22

later on.

18:22

Yeah. Illusionized. That's big

18:24

swing, isn't it to assume you're gonna put an estimate? I

18:26

think first draft must have had an estimate in it. Yeah.

18:28

Must have done. But they've just moved it, and then

18:30

not thought about the front frontist piece

18:32

of the theater. Yeah. Which was to cost

18:34

loans? How are you imagining

18:35

Yeah. Absolutely. Would you ever

18:38

be tempted, like, have you ever been, like, you know, in

18:40

the West End, like, at night, You've had a

18:42

few. Don't you. Don't you don't hold me down.

18:44

I'll be getting that mess up. I'll get any

18:46

you. I'll give you a time up

18:48

there. Get me down and in the ocean. Nothing

18:50

to do with the plane. I haven't

18:52

thought about climbing up down, but now you've put that in

18:54

my head. Yeah. It could happen. I'd quite like to curl

18:56

up in a

18:57

nest.

18:57

Yeah. I don't know why it's finishing. But isn't

18:59

it? Well, I don't I don't know. But I think it is

19:01

it to do with the nest?

19:02

No. And the I don't think he could write the next

19:04

thing. And then make a

19:06

nest, make there's there's a nest in the

19:08

next thing. Yeah. And then I think you're assuring to get that

19:10

theater because they just need to

19:11

build up. Yes. It's there ready.

19:13

Yeah. Can we keep the nest? Yeah. It makes sense

19:15

now. Yeah. Finally. Wonder

19:16

what it could be a child in a nest. It could

19:19

be like the play of this podcast. You

19:20

could do a magic finger -- Yes. --

19:22

musical or play it

19:23

finger the musical. That's

19:25

a good idea. No one's done it. Yeah. I think

19:27

people would be quite excited if you, you

19:29

know, it did a roll down. It did a roll down. I think

19:31

Netflix have got them all under their belts.

19:33

But yeah. I look into it. Netflix. I look into

19:35

it. Yeah. Yeah. I

19:36

think it's good. They they would be watching magic fingers.

19:38

No. They're not gonna

19:39

want them. They're not gonna want them. They're not

19:40

their demigraphic. No. They've done the algorithms,

19:43

known like nests.

19:44

Yeah. No

19:46

one's watching that stuff.

19:47

You know what's watching that? Sorry, Reece.

19:52

Oh, it's recommendation done. Yeah.

19:54

Bournemouth.

19:55

Yes. Yes. You may like. He stands outside that

19:57

theater every day.

19:58

Staring up with you. With with Yeah.

20:02

Right here. It's still nothing, Bill. A

20:04

bit over this. It's not a real net Phil. You're a real

20:06

statement. There's something pinky there. Yes. It says

20:09

baby.

20:11

And

20:11

we don't know why. So are you

20:13

going for the egg shell? Are you going for Sparkling North?

20:17

It seems childish to not enjoy

20:19

the things that are on offer from the restaurant. Sure.

20:22

So I'll say it's barking water. And to

20:24

answer your question, don't know about whether

20:27

birds can have

20:28

sparkling. But I'm not a bird.

20:30

I'm a person. You're a person. You'd be trying back to

20:32

the science in the next year. So I'm having an earning

20:34

sparkling. It'd be very clear that your not

20:37

a better you're a

20:37

person. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

20:39

When you got to get the, know, the parameters

20:42

right -- Yeah. -- define your terms. Yeah. So

20:44

I

20:44

say, yes, Sparkling will say in a in a little

20:46

tiny glass.

20:47

little tiny glass. Not an egg shell.

20:49

No. No

20:50

spark of water. Not an egg shell. I mean, there shouldn't

20:52

really be shells in the in the nest.

20:54

Yeah. I do. Otherwise, that's not it's not very

20:56

nice as it's not really a bit

20:57

dirty. Imagine quite clean. I

20:59

want, like, a little booth in the corner of

21:02

your With a little by a little dog dog. Reece?

21:05

Reece. Yes. Definitely. Yeah.

21:07

It's

21:07

a bit weird because I'm imagining he is the only one in

21:10

there. Yeah. So I think I know as well.

21:12

I become the only one because I don't

21:15

there's not very many people that would

21:17

be probably wanna come

21:19

with me. Yeah. So I say alone,

21:21

then I don't have any, you know, there might be

21:23

the old squirrel that's gonna make a lot of noise, and that

21:25

will annoy me. Yeah. But then they've got right

21:27

speed there, I guess, in the trees.

21:30

It depends what it is. Can it be anywhere?

21:32

Yeah. Quite, really quite, quite.

21:34

I think really quiet. Because the other option where

21:36

if it wasn't in the US was a sort of library

21:38

like

21:39

situation. Quiet. Because I said, well,

21:41

you mentioned cinemas earlier. And, like, I

21:43

I feel like the days are over now where people

21:45

are

21:45

quiet. That that that that that got some of it. Of

21:47

course. Yeah. It's gone. Yeah. There I

21:49

mean, you get like it's a hot it's like a restaurant

21:52

around you in

21:52

it. Yeah. There's things slid in. They

21:54

come to you and ask you what are you got some

21:56

nachos. Yeah. I had that the other night. And I I like

21:58

the idea of it, but then the trailers

22:01

had started, and there were still loads of waiters

22:03

in there being

22:03

like, does anyone else want anything else out? No.

22:05

It's about you know, you are again,

22:08

define your terms. Are you coming to eat and go

22:10

to a restaurant? Are you watching a film quietly?

22:12

Yeah. Not being brought nachos. Yep.

22:14

The most sloppy, not conducive

22:17

in the dark. I don't dare listening.

22:19

And distinct. Yeah. This one from a

22:21

from a fellow people's home to

22:22

me. This train's being

22:24

brought

22:25

out. Yeah. Yeah.

22:26

It's sort of like five o'clock -- Yeah. -- TV to park

22:28

them all topped up in bed. Yeah. Five forty

22:30

five old nights out. Yeah. Get that

22:32

get them up again at four in month. How

22:35

angry do you get the people looking on

22:37

their phones? Oh, look. Yeah. I mean,

22:40

in sense of course. Yeah. Yeah. You know there was

22:42

I I don't know if it's true. I like to think it's true because

22:44

he can make he makes me Reece, and I sort of

22:46

enjoy being angry. There was talk

22:48

of a theater seat in the theater

22:50

where you could tweet from

22:51

it. Your your thoughts. What?

22:53

During. Can you believe that?

22:55

what

22:55

you're gonna do? Let's have a special to the chair. You

22:57

could Yeah. -- you can do it from. So this is from

23:00

yeah. Do

23:00

you wanna seat to tweet in when you're in the

23:02

nest?

23:03

Oh, great. Simple meaning that? Yeah.

23:05

No. I'm just joking.

23:06

It's really good because it's not even wasn't planned.

23:08

It's not planned. No. No. No. It's not in

23:10

unscripted. I mean, I've

23:11

only been planning it for about twenty five minutes.

23:13

Yeah. Yeah. Very good. Yeah. Seamless

23:15

he started in. But you but you're

23:17

not a bird. You're a person. Yeah. Not yet. So

23:19

I'm not gonna be tweeting, Moe. Yeah. Remember

23:22

that. Pogrom's awkward. Pogrom's awkward.

23:24

Pogrom's

23:25

awkward. Papa John's old brain? Yeah.

23:27

Oh. Is it he's saying

23:30

he didn't allow advice to make me answer very quickly

23:32

because I'm I'm

23:32

stalling. Papa John's.

23:34

Yeah? Yeah. It's unusual, isn't

23:36

it? Yeah. I love your dogs. I think it's

23:38

poppin dogs there. Oh, yeah. People say. People

23:40

choose. The bread comes along. And then next thing I'm gonna

23:42

be asking for olive oil and and bass

23:44

humming. Mhmm. And that no.

23:46

Not in a

23:46

night. Not in a nest. Sleeping

23:49

through the

23:49

pop. Yeah. Does the popidoms not

23:52

lead to dips? You're not asking for dips with

23:54

the popidoms? Some mango journey.

23:56

Yeah. That would be all, though. I don't like

23:58

any of the other

23:59

kinds. Interesting. No.

24:01

It's just the mango journey. Cut there.

24:02

Which is burning

24:03

at that weird pot that's like something's really

24:05

hot in here and just chuck it immediately.

24:07

Yeah. Yeah. Such a waste. I never want to. It was spicy

24:09

one. The other one. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want

24:11

And

24:11

then there's the other one that's just full of onions.

24:13

Yeah. You don't give me that. Yeah.

24:15

It's like a set of things that I just don't want, and I

24:17

get given them all the time. And why did they learn? That's

24:20

what

24:21

Yeah. I never tell them. No.

24:22

That's weird.

24:22

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

24:23

Yeah. And the yogurt

24:24

those different places. Min yogurt one. Yeah.

24:26

I'd have it. Mhmm. I'm

24:28

not sure that the the dream restaurant needs

24:30

to be cutting that up the tree

24:32

to me

24:32

then.

24:33

No. Yeah. Yeah. You just have the mango chile.

24:35

Do you want So you know how they normally come

24:37

on like a four dip, like, wheel. Yes.

24:39

Do you want that? But all mango chutney in

24:41

every

24:41

pot? Yes, please. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds

24:43

because there's never enough is there to me. Yeah.

24:46

Or Nutella.

24:48

Yeah.

24:48

Yeah. Yeah. How many of the boys?

24:50

Nutella. Yeah. Maybe one

24:52

Nutella just to try. Yeah. Just to try

24:55

because I I even I've never done

24:56

it. Yeah. You

24:57

don't know about mango and Nutella together.

25:00

I remember one of the options that

25:02

was dismissed in the list of things

25:04

that we're all about talk about was something

25:06

that I used to really love when I was little and it

25:08

was fried egg sandwich. Mhmm.

25:10

Peanut butter and jam and jam. Wow.

25:13

Other than that?

25:14

Yeah. It's like an Elvis

25:16

salad. It's a potato, literally. Yeah.

25:18

I swear you should say that because I read the only yesterday

25:20

that he they've I don't know. Obviously,

25:22

they cut him up, not a look, but there was a stall

25:24

in him that was there for years.

25:29

Yeah. I know what. Yeah. Yeah.

25:31

How do they tell? God knows.

25:32

That's so wonderful. Brings.

25:35

How did they tell? Oh, yes. Oh, years ago.

25:37

Was there, like, a receipt in there for me?

25:41

It must have just had to, you know, done

25:43

some sort based on the what was in the

25:45

stolen gun that's from four years

25:46

ago. That -- Wow. -- explains his Reece

25:49

spud. Try to shake it out. just

25:51

did that one just wanna

25:52

oh, god. Come on. God,

25:55

get this out of

25:55

me. Did he I don't know how we've

25:57

gotten twelve this. Anyway, yes. Reece.

26:02

So mean, I guess, peanut butter and jello.

26:05

It's an American thing,

26:06

isn't it? Yeah. But

26:06

yes, jam peanut butter. With

26:08

on Friday eating a sandwich.

26:10

How does that sound? I

26:10

used to enjoy. God, I don't remember.

26:13

think you know what? I think it was something to do

26:15

with Topcot.

26:16

Yeah. You

26:18

lived in a bed? Yeah. Maybe,

26:20

but there's some connection with children's

26:23

television and that sandwich. Being

26:25

created. Yeah.

26:26

So you saw it on the Actually, I saw it. I

26:28

saw it. I saw it. I saw

26:31

it. I saw it on the podcast before. I saw it the podcast before. I I ate

26:33

peanut butter and bacon sandwiches for a long time.

26:35

So saw on a show called

26:36

Ed. Really? Not him. No. Not this

26:38

guy. Ed, the the lawyer who

26:40

lived in the bowling alley. Yeah. And he

26:42

he has one episode I was recommending peanut butter

26:44

and bacon sandwiches to

26:45

everyone. And for a year, I ate peanut butter and

26:47

bacon sandwiches because of that. So I Do you

26:49

understand it? Yes. Yeah. Well, that It's

26:52

it's not featuring in the dream restaurant. You

26:54

don't have to create it, but it was a

26:56

it was a plan

26:57

b. Well, I could I could as an

26:59

amuse bouche, Yes. Possibly. I

27:01

could present you with it. Thank you. Pin it for

27:03

I'd like it. I

27:04

mean, as I use, I've already

27:05

I'm saddled with Papa drums. I'm not that bothered

27:07

by

27:07

this. I

27:08

would never but you've you've forced me into

27:10

So if you want as your bread course then,

27:12

we we talk we have to pop it on as a

27:14

bread. Yeah. If you have

27:14

anything bread, we're like if you have one of those sandwiches, yeah.

27:17

We'll do that then. I mean, I'll -- Yeah. -- slip it back in.

27:19

Yeah. Go on then. You can

27:20

have that you can have that sandwich as your actual

27:22

poplums are bread. Have you had have you had one

27:24

of those just since you just haven't was a

27:26

kid? No. I haven't. And that's

27:28

interesting to me to think maybe I should try.

27:30

How money is the yoke? Oh,

27:33

quite runny, but not with an

27:35

l biting in the old pissing out the

27:37

end, which

27:37

is, you know, that Yeah. Yeah.

27:39

Yeah. Yeah. See that I love I love that

27:41

sandwich. See you. Yeah. Because that makes that makes sense. That

27:43

sandwich.

27:44

Right? To me, that's just it's just too

27:45

messy. Yeah.

27:46

But I know what you mean. Isn't it funny

27:49

there are things in films and TV

27:51

that do put you on to things

27:53

and then you sort of --

27:53

Mhmm. -- you assimilate them, don't you? Yeah.

27:56

Same with another one of my choices, which haven't

27:58

gone for, but the for the

28:00

drink, I know we're skipping around. But the

28:02

drink was gonna be a white Russian purely because

28:04

they're big about Yeah.

28:05

Yeah. Lovely. Same thing where you just think,

28:07

yes, that makes me want to try that.

28:09

I never Yeah. -- the kailua in the

28:11

in the milk.

28:12

Often Nish Kumar can be in we we

28:14

are he has white Russians every year

28:16

for his birthday. Right. So we will we'll

28:18

Yeah. That's what we associate that with a lot as well.

28:20

Yeah. I think it might have even come from I

28:22

think it's probably

28:23

got to be his drinker. It's got

28:25

to be his drinker.

28:25

Yeah. It's done. It was a thing. Yeah. But

28:28

that sounds great. And also, terms

28:30

of things like films and how they affect

28:32

you, the the egg running out the sandwich.

28:34

I said it on the podcast when Richie Grant was on.

28:36

Oh, right. The start of a whiplash and

28:38

I someone bites into the egg sandwich and it

28:41

comes out the end, disgusting, and it makes him feel

28:43

like I've gotta get out of this city. Yes. I I I've

28:45

always fought. Yeah. That's Reece. It's horrible.

28:47

Right. Ed was like, the other I do.

28:49

I would love it. That's why want that

28:51

sandwich. So I think about

28:52

everything my fried sandwich. And the same

28:54

with an egg, I'll just talk about with an egg is, to

28:56

me, they the sherry in in with

28:58

nail. Like, if you want to have sherry. Yeah. Yeah.

29:00

Come on to sherry. Sherry. Yeah. Yeah.

29:03

Dan lighter lighter fluid as well. Yes. He's

29:05

pretty bad. Yeah.

29:10

Your dream Acaster. Dream starter.

29:13

Haines Oxtell Soup. Wow.

29:16

Specific in it. Very specific. And

29:18

that is because, again, in my

29:20

quest for sort of triggering

29:22

via food and the remittances of

29:25

things. The feeling I used to have when because

29:27

Hines Oxdale said weirdly, it's only when I was

29:29

ill as a child and off school, and that wouldn't

29:31

be given it. It's a sort of restorative.

29:34

So it sort of reminds me of having a

29:36

stomach bug. But also, it's a happy thing

29:38

because it's like, I'm off school. Mhmm. I'm

29:40

watching Crown Court. should be going back school,

29:42

but I've got the afternoon Yeah. So

29:44

I've I I'm deliberately picking

29:46

it to sort of trigger a happy

29:49

memory from childhood. And that that -- Yeah. -- weirdly

29:52

ticks that that box.

29:53

So my first question is, what's Crown

29:55

Court? Right. Of course, you'll be. Yeah.

29:57

Crown Court? Of course, because you're young, I forget.

30:01

Yeah. Sesame Street was day off school. Yeah. Yeah.

30:03

Okay. Crown Court used to be on the TV and it was

30:05

a depiction of famous trials.

30:08

It's really boring. In a court --

30:11

Yeah. -- and people I knew there would be the defense and

30:13

the and prosecution and he would have.

30:15

Basically, the whole it was like before there was

30:17

real trials shown. Mhmm. This was

30:19

just a a depiction of, like,

30:22

this man has stolen these boots and then

30:24

he watched the whole thing play out. And

30:26

sometimes it would be those kind

30:28

of things and the I I think made up I

30:30

don't know. Gaitis would be able to tell me if this true

30:32

or not. But I don't think there were always

30:34

real cases. But then one time a thinking

30:37

explicably, I'm sure, Crippin was on.

30:41

Not the real one. Yeah. You know

30:43

what I'm saying? I've looked through Crippin's

30:45

glasses, by the way.

30:45

Have you? Yeah.

30:46

How do you lay hands on Crippin's? I was

30:49

taken to the back room

30:51

of when they closed down the chamber of horrors.

30:53

Yeah. Yeah. And I was able to rifle

30:56

through it off. Mhmm. And I picked up this box and

30:58

I had crippling his glasses and I had put them on pop look

31:00

through. I saw the world through different through

31:02

his eyes. Yeah. So that was

31:04

Crown Court, and it was sort of dull, but

31:07

equally great because it didn't matter

31:09

what was on because I wasn't going back to

31:11

school --

31:12

Yeah. -- in the afternoon. What I really

31:14

love about, like, you, your creative

31:16

cohorts, that group of people, is that

31:18

this this overlap of, like, you're all, like, the same

31:21

things that you're going, Gaters would know this. Yeah.

31:23

He he knows what the what Crown

31:25

Court. Love Court. Because you've obviously you've all

31:27

We all have had to say we I mean, very in

31:30

a very strange way. I mean, I'm sure it's not strange

31:32

for groups of friends when you find your

31:34

people. You you often have these crosshoses

31:36

like, yes, exactly. I remember that. didn't think anyone

31:38

else did. But we seem to have

31:40

the same childhood across the four of us. Yeah.

31:43

All of us remembering nineteen seventy seven,

31:45

bomb fire night where we all stayed in, didn't watch

31:47

fireworks, but stayed in, watched six twenty

31:50

five BBC one carry on screaming. Rather

31:52

than go watch fireworks. It seems like I did that I did

31:55

that, and it was amazing to find this sort of

31:57

link across our collective remembrances

32:00

and passions and weird, you

32:02

know, the ignition of a of a love of horror

32:04

and comedy and black humor

32:06

that we all seem to share. Yeah. So it's

32:08

it's And even now to this day, if

32:10

I if I can't Google something,

32:12

I'll ring Steve or

32:14

Mark, and they'll they'll have the answer, of course.

32:17

So that to me, like, now because

32:19

we've talked about we've talked about inside number

32:21

nine before this. I'm just thinking if that was an

32:23

inside number nine episode, the twist at the end

32:25

would be, it's all the same person.

32:28

We all there's a bond finite where we all see

32:30

that we watch this and that we've all become

32:32

friends that actually. It's the same guy that You love

32:34

it

32:34

when people picture ideas represent.

32:36

Yeah. Yeah.

32:36

Yeah. Yeah. We

32:37

have done one line. We can't if you want. So

32:39

I've done one line. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. However

32:41

-- Yes. -- that's why you've had it. It's so good

32:43

to Swiss. All your patience is a new one.

32:45

No. No. No. Because I as

32:48

we have inside

32:49

them. Please got any new one. You

32:51

don't want to say any

32:52

new one. I just want the same again

32:54

but decide if Yeah.

32:55

Yeah. Well, that's sounds very

32:58

nice that you've chosen that as that memory. Yes.

33:00

It's slightly odd, isn't it? Because it is connected

33:02

with being poorly. I remember when I was a little guys

33:04

tried to make myself get cold by running I

33:06

used to do it repeatedly. Run up to the door and

33:08

put my nose near the the keyhole.

33:11

Let's try and get a draft into my nostril. And

33:14

that was a good place to try and

33:16

get off school. Yes. Yeah. And that was

33:18

the best way you could think to do at least most

33:20

of the key. Yeah. Those razors are sitting completely

33:24

Oh, the last of your daughter. Yeah. Not going

33:26

no not going near the

33:27

fringe. No. No. Just a gentle breeze with the

33:29

keynote. Yeah. If

33:31

the keynote didn't work, But, you know, I

33:33

thought like I'm all my entire childhood

33:35

was about based on trying to not go to school,

33:37

but I remember once I'm really wanting

33:40

to go school and having a terrible stomachache

33:42

and having to come back because I did I'd

33:44

diarrhea. I was

33:46

sent home having shut myself.

33:49

I think maybe that's another Jarvis

33:52

actually. Yeah. If it didn't happen, but

33:54

I've the threat of it might have Yeah.

33:56

Back home again. But, yeah, that was interesting. Of

33:58

course, whenever you did get ill, your parents gonna

34:00

give you anything you should find at all for the pigeons. Yeah.

34:03

Course. Yeah. Oh, we got some painkillers.

34:05

Oh, they've all gone.

34:08

What will it piss you dude on that field? That's

34:10

an

34:10

experiment. Well, he's mode and experiment.

34:12

The other thing he used to do was a kid in the same spot gun

34:15

that was throwing emails over the

34:17

fence was trying to catch a bat.

34:20

Reece And nearly every night

34:22

when I was about eleven to about

34:24

fifteen. Yeah.

34:25

Old. Yeah. At the end of the garden with

34:27

my dad's fishing nets trying to catch bats.

34:30

I realize now it was a futile.

34:33

Yeah. Deva. Yeah. You can't catch

34:35

them, Kenny, because the the the solar.

34:39

However, I just wanted one. I wanted

34:41

a little

34:42

bat. And then I was told they were full

34:44

of lies and they would have bit me and

34:45

like,

34:46

something horrible. So I stopped trying to catch

34:48

them, but I never did catch them. You live grown

34:51

from my house. My mom used to look after

34:52

bats. No. Yeah. So, like, if there

34:54

was injured bats, my mom would look

34:57

after them probably

34:57

one of the ones that he fired a quarter. Yeah. Yeah.

35:00

Some some fucking human net. Well,

35:03

like, yeah. Would he look so there's a number

35:05

that, like, yeah, I had him hang up my finger. No.

35:07

You did. You know, we had learning to fly against the Reece.

35:09

Yeah. Yeah. So you'd be there. We could fit fit finger

35:11

out. know the slight line of the living room,

35:14

go back on your thing, go away. And then

35:16

yeah. My mom Reece release them back into the wild.

35:18

Just

35:18

barely the halloween. Pippers don't Holloway's investor

35:21

level. Yeah. Yeah.

35:24

But, yeah, once Petvescu came to the

35:26

interview my

35:27

mom. No. I'll also do it a pet rescue

35:29

episode about my mom.

35:30

Why the hell haven't you told me this? Oh,

35:31

it hasn't come up

35:32

before. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah.

35:34

I was trying to get in the background of it, and they cut me

35:36

out the shot as per Yeah.

35:39

I'm used to it now.

35:40

Oh.

35:40

But he's like, the Adam's friendly. Yeah. Yeah.

35:43

It's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good,

35:45

Adam's friendly. So

35:47

big

35:47

stuff. What

35:48

would you have done with the bat if you'd caught it? I'd

35:50

have looked at it for a bit and then

35:52

tried to uncurle it from the net

35:54

because I presume it would have gone into a deep

35:56

hole. Yeah. It would have got bad. Yeah. Would have been

35:58

bad. And then just let it go,

36:00

I guess. Yeah.

36:01

You could have started COVID much and

36:04

got it out of the way. Can't

36:05

blame me for that. This is ninety seven seventy

36:08

six.

36:09

But, yes, I would have just

36:11

been fulfilled. I caught one. Finally, I haven't

36:14

done it for many years, but attempted it.

36:16

Yeah. And then I would let it go again. Yeah.

36:18

But I think I did try to

36:20

have a back box in at the end of the

36:22

garden. No. Nothing ever went in it. No. No.

36:25

But

36:25

you want them in your house? Never been in the house.

36:27

Great. Well, I don't. But four of them

36:29

are different time names.

36:31

They get names, but just because my mom wouldn't

36:34

have named names because we were kids and one

36:35

The real names are like b twenty one or something.

36:37

No. We want to give them names. Right. can't remember

36:39

what they were called. No. I remember, like, the one the

36:41

pet rescue one was called something

36:44

stew because we just give it city comedy

36:46

names, like, the weirdest laugh as kids. Yeah.

36:48

But in the pet rescue people were like, we

36:50

want you to call this one radar because

36:53

it's for the show. My my mom was

36:55

like, I basic. Yeah. You know, when people thinking

36:57

that I get attached bats and I call them stuff like

36:59

Malaysia. Yeah. So I know that's that's the kind of person

37:02

I am. Yeah. They were insistent that on camera,

37:04

make sure you refer to it as

37:05

radar. So for a greater teeth, she would

37:08

say it. Wow. And it was if it was her idea.

37:10

Yeah. So that she really didn't love

37:12

it. I can't stand it. It reminds me of, like,

37:14

when you get stump people to do things for

37:16

you in filming and you look terrible because they're

37:18

doing it and they're acting as bad. You

37:21

know shit now. don't

37:23

know why I Elite from a back to that, but that's

37:25

what you're gonna say.

37:26

You've seen injustice. I love

37:28

the four of a stump person double

37:30

of your shows. Doing a massive

37:31

stunt, like smashing through a window, solving through

37:33

a fire, lying on the floor, and you're going to get my

37:36

little shit. Exactly.

37:47

Your dream main course. Yes.

37:49

Well, again, in the spirit of

37:51

picking things that will just trigger it's

37:53

like, Aston, isn't it this? He does

37:56

that. He doesn't

37:56

have nails with him and he starts trigger memories.

37:59

Christmas dinner. Yes. Full

38:01

on. That's my

38:02

choice. I know it might be a bit boring. Isn't the people

38:04

ever pick that?

38:05

Richard Osman.

38:06

Richard Osman. That is broken further.

38:08

So Yeah.

38:09

So it's it's a return. But,

38:10

like, it's it's not been people have chosen hosts.

38:13

So they really Yeah. Yeah. But it's specific

38:15

venues. But this is the season. I don't think We've

38:17

had this was put in. Right. Interesting.

38:20

Interesting.

38:20

But, yeah, it's rare to get the full Christmas

38:22

dinner as the main house. Pigs in blankets.

38:25

The hallworks. Turkey. Yeah.

38:27

I'm in Turkey. Yeah.

38:29

And, yeah, Sprouts. People don't like

38:31

Sprouts. They're a lot of people don't like them.

38:33

Right? How they're How how how how

38:35

would you have the Sprouts? Well, probably

38:38

steamed. Mhmm. But then the

38:40

the nice addition of

38:42

Chestnut

38:43

song.

38:43

Oh, nice. Yeah. Reece Chestnut sprinkle on Lovely.

38:46

Yeah. It's good. That's what I love. Yeah. And

38:48

very nice gravy.

38:50

Can't even go wrong with it. think people

38:53

sometimes let themselves down with the gravy. Mhmm.

38:55

You got to have that. That has to be. I spent

38:57

well, I do cook actually. I mean, talk

38:59

about this, but I was on Bake Off. And I tried

39:02

to spend the time making a nice gravy

39:04

because I think it really does add

39:06

to the meal when you get a good

39:08

one. Yeah. You

39:08

can tell when it's a bad one with the food. Yeah.

39:11

This is now not I'm not gonna lose

39:13

it. Over the line. Yeah.

39:14

There's always poor or fine water all

39:15

over the dinner if you've done. Oftentimes is what

39:17

gravy is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's

39:19

way. Binnie.

39:20

Would you like this gravy to be made by yourself?

39:23

Maybe, actually, I don't know who I would call on

39:25

in the restaurant to make me nice gravy, but

39:27

somewhat if you could find

39:28

someone.

39:29

Be anyone you want in the world really,

39:30

really. And he's good at rabies though, I don't know.

39:32

Yeah. Who's the

39:33

best That's the best It's the best It's not the only Information

39:36

you got

39:36

access to you access to. Reece if the restaurant

39:38

could find that out. Would Mark know? We could call Mark Yeah.

39:41

Mark know that. But if he was sick, it was in horror

39:43

film, that's it.

39:45

Great and modest. Just the lead at a lovely gravy.

39:49

Else we've got. We've got stuff in. Oh, yeah.

39:51

Definitely stuff. Yeah. And I don't mind

39:54

sort of just, you know,

39:56

packeted stuff in, but I I

39:58

sometimes find it too much when it's stuffing

40:01

and the the meat and it's meat.

40:02

Mhmm. You only get them full on

40:05

slabs of meat that also become stuffing. You

40:07

like sausage meat? Yeah. And

40:09

quite regard that in the same way as --

40:11

Yeah. -- stuffing as I know it. Sure.

40:13

I could quite easily eat

40:15

stuffing, just just pour some water on it

40:17

and eat it -- Yeah. -- on the bowl. But

40:19

I haven't. You

40:22

don't have Because you have. Yeah. A

40:25

very short amount of time there between you. Depending on

40:27

something was

40:27

hyphenated. Well, maybe I couldn't find the professor

40:29

that you have done that.

40:31

I know. I know. I'm getting a bit

40:33

too obsessed with the nest thing. Yeah. But are you shrinking

40:35

the food down as well? Or are you having a full size Christmas

40:38

tree in the nest? I couldn't get through the full size

40:40

Christmas didn't it? If I was -- Yeah. --

40:42

it has to be small. Do you

40:44

want small portions or small versions? No.

40:47

Same. It's the same amount as that

40:49

I would have if I was full size but bird

40:51

size.

40:52

Yeah. Yeah. So it's

40:53

like it's like so there's no difference in fact

40:55

because

40:55

it's all to scale. Yeah. So

40:57

it's all to scale. So got a mass with magic fingering

40:59

the turkey as well.

41:00

Yeah. We have to. Wow. Let's

41:02

not start using that as a phrase. Okay.

41:04

We're magic fingernacle food. I

41:07

don't imagine -- That's what it is. --

41:09

but that is what it is. Yeah. Your magic finger

41:11

in Turkey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

41:13

You're in charge of it. I just want it brought to

41:15

me. Yeah. And the other thing, anyway, there's never

41:17

gonna be any complaints with the Reece other because

41:20

nothing the thing of --

41:21

Exactly.

41:21

Yeah. -- I'm always surprised by how unbidding

41:23

people are about complaining son

41:26

being sat next to people and I'm at aghast.

41:28

I was at one re I was at the Aileen Marleybone,

41:32

not three weeks ago. And someone

41:34

ordered food. I think it was some sort

41:36

of they wanted a fried egg on top.

41:38

Mhmm. And they didn't do one, but they

41:40

wanted this fried egg on top. I think was

41:43

it? I can't remember. But anyway, they asked

41:45

for it, and they got it. They weren't happy

41:47

with it. It was too cold. We're very

41:49

apologetic, sent it back immediately. The

41:51

people with them the father

41:53

had got the same and he let his go back to

41:55

the kitchen and what whilst the other one was warm

41:57

--

41:57

Right. -- so he wasn't gonna eat ahead of the

41:59

sun. Like, came back.

42:02

Again, I found a hair in

42:04

it, he says, again,

42:06

and it went back again, and

42:09

then a third

42:10

time. Yeah. What the fuck have they done to that egg

42:12

the third time it comes back? Exactly.

42:14

Yeah. Exactly. But I guess what I couldn't believe

42:16

was you're not gonna

42:17

do it again. Yeah. Sure. Because it's enough

42:19

of a huge mountain to that you're gonna

42:21

go. Excuse me. There's something wrong.

42:23

Yeah. I would never in million years

42:24

complain. Especially if you've already

42:27

made them go out of their way to that egg. What's on the

42:29

menu? They so they created a thing.

42:32

Yes. I mean, yes, they'll need an egg.

42:34

Alright. Yeah. It's not that big

42:36

a reach to find one and crack it on top

42:38

however. Reece times

42:40

over, so wrong

42:40

with it. Yeah. And then I

42:41

realized when I looked at the person, I thought you

42:43

just don't want to eat. Oh, really?

42:45

That's what I thought. I thought you're finding any reason

42:48

to not

42:48

eat.

42:49

Well,

42:49

that was a bigger psychological problem. Yeah. Yeah.

42:51

Yeah. So this is an interesting, like,

42:54

the two different parts of your personality here because

42:57

you say that when you're in the

42:58

restaurant, lots of things you don't like.

43:00

Yes. All this stuff, but you'd never complain.

43:03

But all of your problems were about other

43:05

people eating in the restaurant, not the restaurant

43:07

itself, but the giraffe, knit, knit, knit, knit, the

43:09

toilet. Yeah. But you If

43:11

I put you tune in the toilets in the

43:13

drop, you're just sitting there for the whole meal and in dealing with

43:15

it. You're not saying I wouldn't say. There's a there's

43:17

this tiny window of opportunity to dare to say.

43:19

And it but it's gone with you and I've never never

43:21

done. Well, see, you've already messaged you you quite like being

43:23

angry. Yeah. So why'd you ruin that for yourself?

43:25

We, you know, on the one hand, yes, I'm furious.

43:28

Timing, but I never say anything. I'm just furious,

43:30

impotent rage. Mhmm. Don't do anything

43:32

about it. Yeah. I've eaten raw chicken

43:35

rather than complaints. So sorry, this is this

43:37

is pink and there's blood in

43:38

it. Yeah. Yeah. Literally, I remember it

43:40

was plastic in it.

43:41

Oh, wow. I thought this is blood plastic on this

43:44

chicken not gonna say this. Is everything alright? So yes.

43:46

Thank you. Yes. On

43:48

this on then my family sit with me

43:50

raging

43:51

going, don't eat that. It's pink. You're gonna get stomachache.

43:54

At least the, you know, the next day you can have Foxtel

43:56

suit.

43:57

Yeah. That's just a little good hill.

43:58

There's a whole oh, road rally back to the upstairs

44:01

and ground port Foxtel. I

44:03

I'm well up for anyone complaining at the IV.

44:05

I I I've only been to the IV a

44:07

couple of times and I'll say

44:09

it. I think it is one of the most

44:11

overrated places. I

44:13

do not get at

44:14

all. What's good about

44:15

this podcast is it's not showbiz or

44:19

Listen. It's it's throughout the night. Tom, I didn't mean

44:21

to throw that in if that's the thing because I don't ever

44:23

go. Yes. But I say it because it's it

44:25

was not to me, it was alright. It

44:27

was the thing of the person continually complaining.

44:30

You get that flocked wallpaper.

44:31

Yeah. It's like that wallpaper that looks like a

44:34

jungle. Yeah.

44:36

No. I don't know if you want your basis. Yeah. Yeah.

44:39

IIII just think that, you

44:41

know, I don't want anyone anyone who's not been

44:43

to the IV guy. No. Yeah. One day, I'd love to go

44:45

to that. Acaster. Yeah. I think

44:47

the original was a thing. Right? It was a it was like

44:49

a showbiz thing and it was like an exclusive

44:51

restaurant. And then the they've, like,

44:53

franchised it out and there's loads of everything. That's what

44:55

happens when it gets

44:56

franchised.

44:57

It's all that's watered down. If you still get treated

44:59

like like shit by the weight and stuff,

45:01

Yeah. So you go there and they look down their nose

45:03

at you and they and they Reece you like you're in this fancy

45:05

pants place and then they bring you out something that may as well

45:07

be on the menu of a bill. Yeah. You sent your

45:09

egg back three times, didn't you?

45:11

Yeah. I'm I'm I'm

45:14

just curious. Whoever did whoever

45:16

sent that back is a is a hero to Yeah.

45:19

Darren to do it. I agree. Yeah. I

45:21

know what you mean. I mean, yes. It's but,

45:23

yeah, the the idea of complaining, I

45:25

sort of admire people, but then I I wince when I

45:27

see it happening because I see poor people

45:29

there. Run off their feet, probably, I don't believe.

45:31

I'm torn. Seabed websites. I'd

45:34

really struggle to to complain. But

45:36

then also, I was out I was out front of my

45:38

dad yesterday. And I've actually

45:40

never really seen him complain in the restaurant, but when I do,

45:42

I find it awkward. Right. And I just sit

45:44

there, like, really still. Yeah. But yesterday,

45:47

he was too paying too many compliments. I

45:49

seems like calling calling the

45:51

staff over to be

45:52

like, this is fantastic. Oh, no.

45:55

Come on. It's too much done.

45:57

Still bad.

45:57

Yeah. We're chatting to the wine guy about

46:00

wine for ages. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

46:02

He just loves it. That's that's what you know. You got you

46:04

he's he's dropping hints to you, Ed. Yeah. Talk

46:06

to him

46:07

enough. Yeah. Talk to the

46:09

wine guy. I don't like if you start to

46:11

get it becomes, like, don't think

46:13

you've got a rapport with me

46:14

now. Yeah. Talking to me. Too much

46:16

now.

46:17

This is Yeah. I don't like

46:18

you. I'm I'm not not gonna be friend.

46:20

This is you about the wine. This is me about the wine.

46:23

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or about us.

46:28

You can't hear nothing. It was okay. In

46:30

the those just

46:32

encounters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's

46:34

a level where you just have to do them at this

46:37

job. We have a transaction. Not

46:39

your friend. Do

46:40

you think it would be like the film cable guy? And

46:42

and and that and that the guidance never the wine

46:44

guy never

46:44

leaves you very even to your friend end up with the Burger

46:47

King at home with Yeah. It's someone.

46:50

I've watched that film. Yeah. I've watched a British

46:52

remake of cable guy, and he's called wine guy

46:54

in its Reece someone. As a wine

46:56

guy, as as would love to play that sort

46:58

of part. Yeah. Either I don't I would be the

47:00

Mathieu Broderick. Yes. Yes. Of course. Yeah. I wouldn't

47:02

be the Yeah. The

47:04

irritant. Yeah. I'd be the one that's getting

47:06

more and more furious, but keeping a lid on it.

47:09

Yeah. Or not. Yeah. Yeah. Eventually,

47:11

I think who would be the wine guy. Yeah. Who would be

47:13

the wine guy. He would be a good wine guy to play alongside

47:15

Reece.

47:15

Yeah. Someone someone can play unhinged.

47:18

When I do that as well, that I don't know. Yeah. You play

47:21

both. You're not They don't do both.

47:23

They don't do a comedy play a part.

47:26

Who's playing doubles

47:27

himself, doesn't he? Yeah. He does

47:29

that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

47:31

Venom. Yeah. Sent him twice over.

47:33

Yeah. I feel the best part when when films

47:35

when when people play multiple roles. I actually

47:37

feel like the best part of that is the trailer.

47:40

Yeah. There you go. Reece Shearsmith and

47:42

Re Shias Smith and that cat again. Yeah. done

47:44

all

47:44

this. That that that that's exciting. I think you watched the

47:46

film when you guys hit the same guy. Yeah. Yeah. When

47:48

over again? I get it now. Yeah.

47:58

Do you have a dream side dish then? When

48:00

when people choose roast or Christmas dinners,

48:02

So I'm pretty sure it's gonna have a a side

48:04

because they've got all the ribbons. But do you have a Well,

48:06

I am, but it's nothing to do with Christmas. Right.

48:09

Haggis. Oh, yeah. So

48:11

the reason is, again, in a sort of

48:14

pulling into this dream scenario,

48:16

all my favorite things. I love I don't know

48:19

why I'm nothing to do with Scotland, but Burns Knight and

48:21

Haggies and Neeps and Satish to me is a lovely again,

48:24

sort of all it's not all tumbled, of course, it's January,

48:26

but it's just a great I'd make it into

48:28

a thing in our house and I sort of insist that we do

48:31

-- Mhmm. -- burns night. And then weirdly,

48:33

I was in filming Good Omens in

48:35

Scotland, burns

48:36

night. He was dead.

48:39

I was there. I went walked around the Reece. I went

48:41

into the Decomproni expecting that I make everyone

48:43

to be kicking

48:44

in. Quiet as the grain. So

48:47

I

48:47

am the only one keeping it alive. You would see me.

48:49

Yeah. I'll be with you. So I pick

48:51

haggis as a side dish. Sorts of extraordinary.

48:54

And and weirdly, I just thought it goes against what

48:56

I just said about the stuffing being

48:58

meaty.

48:58

Uh-huh. But I do like Haggots. I don't know. I have

49:00

probably not very good for you. I'm also

49:02

picking things that I don't have

49:05

a lot of --

49:06

Yeah. -- often. No one's having haggis on haggis

49:08

on the rack, though, are those? No. Should you know

49:10

that? I would if I could if again,

49:12

I didn't have to encounter people. Yeah.

49:14

We got some sort of Stephen

49:16

King.

49:16

Yeah. Yeah. That's it. In a house by

49:18

himself, he's in a house by He's in a house. I think you

49:20

wouldn't get very far would you? You'd end

49:22

up it's another Elvis.

49:24

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's four years.

49:26

One is the four

49:27

years. Yeah. That's god knows what they're pulling out. You

49:29

know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pullback. I

49:31

think Haggis is one of the foods that has

49:33

the most underserved, bad reputation

49:35

really.

49:36

Good. I'm glad you said that. It's delicious.

49:38

Isn't it? The all the way through my childhood on TV

49:41

is the punch line of a lot of jokes

49:42

-- Yeah.

49:42

-- than telling describing, you

49:45

know, what's in it, what it is. I never got

49:47

I'll go back and

49:48

if you It's got inside a cow's

49:50

stomach -- Yeah. -- all the rest of it, all the rest of it, all the But

49:52

I think they did they damaged the p r by cooking

49:54

it inside a cow's stomach. You know what?

49:56

Probably didn't have to like, now when you

49:58

see it in just like the plastic -- Yeah. -- and you

50:00

can cook it in there just boiling.

50:01

That's right. Yeah. Lovely.

50:02

And you puncture it and it all bursts out.

50:04

Yeah. It's great. It's great. They they can't

50:07

explode in fact, can't they? Last time I did

50:09

one in Edinburgh, but on my own,

50:11

I cut into it, having had the three

50:13

hours of what it was -- Yeah. -- cooking away. And

50:15

it bursts. Yeah. Like some sort of monstrous.

50:18

Like, John Carpenter is the thing. Like

50:20

a pigeon's stomach. It's like, yes.

50:22

If I was able to put a camera in. Mhmm. But

50:25

yeah. So Haggis, I mean, am I allowed the Nippes and

50:27

Tatis or is it purely only Haggis as an

50:29

addition? I think if

50:30

you want Nippes and Tatis, you wanna have a if because

50:32

I I like the idea of you've got

50:34

Christmas main course --

50:36

Yeah. -- a side dish of burntonite.

50:37

Yes. That's that was the idea.

50:40

Yeah. So I I think kneads and tails there.

50:42

Great.

50:42

Great. Also, you've got a gravy kicking around that

50:44

could happily slush over both. Absolutely.

50:46

Yeah. I think so. And the the other thing

50:49

I've never done actually with, Huggies, is you meant to pour

50:51

a bit of whiskey on

50:51

it? Yeah. The you

50:53

need your whiskey sauce. Yeah. Yeah.

50:55

And my experience of burns night. I thought,

50:57

oh, I'm just trying that here.

50:58

Would it read the poem? But I would

51:00

read

51:00

the burns night poem. Yeah. I mean, not

51:02

now. I

51:03

would not guarantee it.

51:04

I'd do it on the yeah. I'd do it in the nest

51:06

-- Yeah. -- to the wine waiter.

51:08

Yeah. You might not wanna hear it, but I'm gonna

51:10

do it. Yeah. When he brings that particular to

51:13

start we're in in burns light

51:14

mode. Well,

51:15

that sounds great.

51:16

Yeah. Good. I'm glad. Yeah.

51:17

I love that. And it's a big it's a big side

51:19

dish as well.

51:19

It's a lot. Also, I mean, you know,

51:21

I'm gonna be excited for it's your menu.

51:24

We're getting all these, like, big calendar days

51:26

of the year there because a lot of listeners gonna be

51:28

getting twelve days of Christy and kind of vibes.

51:30

No. That's what they're he hates it. He

51:32

hates it. I'll go to Christie. He hates it. Because

51:35

it it's a Reece brand for you to hate

51:37

probably a lot of the fan's favorite

51:39

episode. Yeah. Absolutely.

51:41

They've been like far, well done.

51:42

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where not even

51:44

it? Good at it. Well, I

51:46

mean,

51:46

even a tiny bit. You're

51:48

in tiny bit.

51:49

You're trying to help. You're you're you're you're

51:51

I know. Well, yes. I know. This will cause

51:53

it. Yeah. Yes. He's a good

51:55

one.

51:57

Oh, yes. I've never been happy to pick up

51:59

something.

52:00

I've seen five days and And this amazing

52:03

one, everyone, recounts, has been the best

52:05

ever ever ever

52:06

since. It's not your favorite. Not your

52:08

favorite. It wouldn't be if you were choice. Well,

52:10

what's interesting is, you know, we try our

52:12

best and the hardest thing in the world is to make

52:14

them funny. Admittedly, that one is not funny.

52:17

And it's got some funny things in it like people are

52:19

in the world. Funny -- Mhmm. -- a lot along

52:21

the way. But it's because

52:23

he's got heart. It's because he makes people cry. Mhmm.

52:25

They are the ones that seemingly stick with

52:27

people. Like with the one we did with a double act Yeah.

52:29

--

52:29

Steve. Yeah. That was very moving

52:32

as well. Not Yeah. You know, it's not

52:34

something we tried I think it's a gimmick.

52:36

We don't think, oh, we should do a sad one now. That's

52:38

what works. But that one, I think, was

52:40

the first one that we did, Christine, that was sort

52:42

of like, unexpectedly emotional.

52:45

Mhmm. And so and then, of course,

52:47

it's great, and the Sherilyn Smith is great

52:49

in it. I just get a night because

52:51

it's everyone's first group number

52:53

one. Oh, and I hate

52:54

ranking. I hate them putting them in order anyway.

52:56

Oh, yesterday, I ran. There's some

52:58

real stinkers you can't get

53:00

through. Where

53:02

are you

53:02

reading this Reece? Fighting in Twitter. You wonder

53:04

what? I don't stop looking.

53:06

I've got to look at these fanning.

53:07

Might be an angry. And said no.

53:09

Oh, which

53:10

ones? Yeah.

53:11

Yeah. They're the hardest ones to write content.

53:16

I I remember I a proper moment. I I remember

53:18

being in Melbourne with Oh, no. I'm in Christina.

53:20

Because I remember Still talking about it? Yeah.

53:22

Yeah. It's fine. You remember?

53:25

00I did a hotel full of comedian. Right?

53:27

I remember walking out my hotel. Crying your eyes

53:30

out over. IIIII

53:32

I'd not say that So I got up in the morning. I

53:34

opened my door. John Kerns in in the room next

53:36

to me. He comes out. He goes, you've you've seen

53:39

shattered. You've seen this inside number nine.

53:42

Hush tolled. You gotta watch it. Like like on that

53:45

day, you see me again? Have you seen it yet? No.

53:47

I haven't watched it, Kirns. I I I'm

53:49

feeling I'm doing I'm the

53:50

CD. Let me know when you watch it. Kept

53:52

checking on me. I had to watch it while I was there. Yeah.

53:54

If you study over, you're looking at it. Yeah. Yeah.

53:57

Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm feeling the emotions, you

53:59

know. Don't watch it anyways. Yeah.

54:02

Yeah. Yeah.

54:02

Yeah. Yeah. That's a twist. I want somebody to just watch

54:05

it. That's a twist. I wanna watch it when you watch it.

54:07

Yeah. Yeah. You go.

54:13

It will Reece drink related to a

54:15

night of the year, No. The Reece drink

54:18

again goes back to childhood incident.

54:20

When we I was small, we used to have

54:22

sent to the house. There was the pop van.

54:24

Mhmm. And it was alpine pop.

54:27

Yeah. And I used to have. In an inexplicable

54:29

situation, I can't believe my dad used to do

54:31

to me. I used to be allowed

54:34

a lid full of alpine

54:36

dandelion and burdock. He literally

54:38

gave me it only as he pulled out this big

54:41

massive bottle. Put back down

54:43

the bottom. Put somebody for him. Yeah.

54:45

Yeah. And he pour a little the lid

54:47

and I drink it like like it was medicine.

54:50

Like it was medicine. Could you?

54:52

And that was it today until next Saturday.

54:55

And then you presume you will drink the lot.

54:57

Yeah. No. I will be able to

54:58

get full Plosive of it.

55:00

Yeah. So I want a full glass.

55:03

Yeah. Of dandelion and alpine, dandelion

55:05

and

55:05

burdock. I'm in the iron ears. The size you are in

55:07

the nest, you're only gonna

55:08

be able to manage a little

55:10

bit. I about me, I'm sure. Is that even

55:13

smaller? That would be

55:15

smaller. Yeah. It's not even a

55:18

Aecon cup, like,

55:20

we wonka. Your

55:21

dad's standing over the next drinking, though. Yeah. I'm not getting

55:23

the best drinking it. There

55:25

you go. You'll lose it. Let me have a minute mistake there.

55:27

But, yeah, that again in in the mean,

55:29

I just covet it because I was never allowed

55:31

her. Yeah. You know, weird whammy. Got it in a

55:33

way, I guess, because she shouldn't give children

55:36

poppy It's even worse than not than

55:38

not being allowed it because you're allowed a tiny

55:40

piece of it to see how good you could have had Absolutely.

55:43

That's great. That drink. Please let me have more of

55:45

it.

55:45

No. That's you what? Next Saturday.

55:47

The next Saturday.

55:48

See you again. Never. Never. Sorry. We've

55:51

never

55:52

we've never pina

55:52

pot of salmon, egg sandwich. Yeah. You don't

55:54

have as many of you like because haven't either. So

55:57

that was my drink.

55:58

From the pop man you said from the

55:59

pop man, you used to try used to be a van that you

56:01

survived with all the bottles. That's the ice cream

56:03

man you could

56:04

hear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hear them bottles. I know

56:06

it's the the alpine man. Yeah. Do you come

56:08

with anybody to get your lid? Yeah. And

56:10

I got my thin my little thimble full of.

56:13

Yeah. Maybe again, it could be Jarvis.

56:15

It might be that he did it once when I

56:17

was, oh, no. It wasn't that I'm sure he's right.

56:20

I will

56:20

ask him actually. But so, yeah, III have

56:22

a full full blast of that, please. Why

56:24

not? I don't even know if to do Alpine

56:26

anymore, but nevertheless, you like dandelion butter?

56:28

Not massively. But if if I was secure,

56:30

it's ten percent from your sit III

56:33

don't dislike

56:33

it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But if I was in your situation,

56:35

whatever that drink was you'd want it I I

56:38

want it as we're doing

56:38

because I don't remember ever really having a full

56:41

swing of it.

56:41

The popcorn is an excite. That's an excite

56:45

feel that we've ever been interviewed someone before

56:47

where all the details you've given about your life

56:49

and your childhood, I've gone. Of course, he likes

56:51

the stuff he likes. Yeah. Yeah. A catching

56:54

bats And, like And

56:56

I imagine the model's chief of other

56:58

quarters. Yeah. The model And I did

57:00

a a pop a pop van driver, the character. Yeah.

57:02

Yeah. You'd have a pop van. Yeah. Or after.

57:04

Yeah. Yeah. We got

57:07

I mean, we got lemonade. Yeah. Yeah.

57:09

So the dandrea and butter was a particularly

57:11

exotic flavor even then at that point,

57:13

I was like, what's that? But it was sort of not

57:15

quite Coca Cola. It was very

57:17

sweet, light panda Cola.

57:20

Remember that? Yeah. Yeah. Panda PoPs. Panda

57:22

PoPs. Yeah. But anyway, yeah, that would be my choice

57:24

because I wasn't allowed it at at the time.

57:27

I mean, oh, Cover Tea is the classic.

57:29

Yeah. Classic cup of tea. But I'm not

57:31

gonna change

57:32

it. I'm going to say Alpine, Danalena, Bernalen.

57:34

Yeah. My name is Does that a

57:36

choice? Was Aclaire because

57:39

his dad wouldn't let him have --

57:40

Right. -- his dad would come back from the shops. For

57:42

loads of pastries, he would have the

57:44

Aclaire. No one else was allowed to acquire.

57:45

Oh. And Jay Vane wanted it. So that's

57:48

why that's why he chose. People on

57:49

a certain road.

57:50

Yeah. So they

57:51

should allow the children do what they

57:53

want. Yeah. Yeah. So as you

57:55

say no, it's like I'm doing

57:56

it.

57:57

Yeah. understand. Whatever it is. Yeah.

57:59

We're still trying to catch bats

58:00

now. Yes. You'd

58:01

actually caught when were you okay? I wouldn't have either been

58:03

the end of it. Yeah. It says un unscratched

58:06

itch to catch a bat. Wonder

58:08

if there's I

58:09

mean, you must ask I need to find out about how

58:11

to do it properly. There must be a way of capturing it. Catching

58:13

it back.

58:13

How much of

58:13

this? Yeah. Might

58:14

be using it so and so now against deals.

58:16

Yes. How would you do that? Well,

58:18

guess if you if you play so, no, you're with a mirror.

58:20

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, not mirror. If

58:23

you feel it if you could show if you show that itself.

58:25

Yes. It's a test down as a producer.

58:29

And they just dropped to the ground. They don't know how ugly

58:31

they are. Yeah. I might I would

58:33

text my mom.

58:34

Yeah. Well I didn't catch her. She won't answer

58:36

them. No. I will see if she gets back. If she gets back

58:38

to you, how do you

58:39

catch her back?

58:40

She wasn't catching them though. Right? Yes.

58:41

She would never caught them. Yeah. Right.

58:44

Okay. See where they're looking. Maybe there's a

58:46

trap. They go in. Could they go into little box? And

58:48

then then the lid comes down. Got

58:50

Yeah. Maybe. And then one half That's what your

58:52

mom would shout, isn't it? Don't stop. Now

58:55

the mid one section of it is glass so you can just look

58:57

at them and see if they are crawling with

58:59

lice. So the question part b,

59:01

are they crawling with lights? Yes.

59:02

Yes. Are they crawling with lights? Yeah.

59:04

So stay with me now. So tell me you don't wanna touch

59:06

what? Make sure the first one's sent before you send the second

59:08

one.

59:10

Okay. Yeah. Bye bye. Thanks for those. We'll see.

59:12

See. See if he gets back to me. We've been

59:15

we've time.

59:16

Ask this about The secret ingredients

59:18

on the Acaster, and then normally ingredients

59:21

were deemed to be unacceptable.

59:23

For the listeners deemed to be of all.

59:25

Right. And if people choose them, they get kicked out of the

59:27

restaurant.

59:27

Oh, like But it's only one of their episodes. It's

59:30

not anymore, but it's in the Danilo

59:32

Berndoc was. And it that wouldn't have

59:34

been us, I don't

59:35

think. I think that was a listener as well.

59:36

No. Because I've I've not really had it that month. Not had

59:38

it enough to have an opinion yet, like,

59:41

a listener in the

59:43

past would kick you out for that

59:44

shit. Oh my goodness. How the rest? I

59:46

mean, how the We're just on the floor like one of

59:48

those half gestated

59:50

birds. Easy. Yeah. Think, no

59:53

no feathers dead. You guys Not

59:55

yet. Oh, hold on. Are you naked in the

59:57

nest?

59:57

No. I'm just I'm leaping

59:59

to the idea of seeing it at the

1:00:00

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? No. No.

1:00:02

You know, don't want

1:00:03

to You know, I don't want to you know, I'll ping on the

1:00:05

flyneck club. Yeah. Yeah.

1:00:07

No. I imagine you don't mind.

1:00:10

IIII naked in the nest

1:00:14

because we're gonna we Reece the whole thing. Yeah.

1:00:16

It's not really examining what

1:00:18

we've thought about so far. It doesn't fit.

1:00:21

I imagine that you don't care that a listener was

1:00:23

said that's not acceptable because, like, I

1:00:25

mean, as far as you're concerned,

1:00:27

the audience has gone. Right? Yeah.

1:00:30

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Costs there. I

1:00:31

mean, you know, they may be chuckling aware

1:00:33

of these things, but I do hate them. Yeah. Not

1:00:37

think that you've got any affinity if you agree with

1:00:39

any of my choices or somehow you feel

1:00:41

closer to me.

1:00:42

We're not friends. Not friends. Yeah.

1:00:44

Not fords. I

1:00:45

don't agree with anything you might say. If you

1:00:47

like me, I hate even

1:00:48

more. Unless, of

1:00:50

course, your actual friends are listed. Well, yeah. They

1:00:52

they but they know

1:00:53

they are. Yeah.

1:00:53

How many? One. Yeah. Nothing

1:00:56

on. No friends.

1:00:57

No friends.

1:00:58

not friends. No colleagues. Yeah.

1:01:01

Colleagues family. Have to have to

1:01:03

sort of experience. Of the year.

1:01:05

Yeah. That's my that's the level of

1:01:07

my interest.

1:01:09

Great. Look, I could've guessed

1:01:11

that. Your dream restaurant, you'll be shrunk down to

1:01:13

the size of a sparrow and put in a nest by yourself.

1:01:16

Yeah. This is

1:01:17

not a man with with many friends.

1:01:19

Yeah. About that? Is anyone Rich Dodman,

1:01:21

that's No.

1:01:22

No. No. Richard Osman did not

1:01:23

I think some magic fingers are shrinking down to the size

1:01:25

of the

1:01:25

marrow. He would go down to be just normal

1:01:27

sizing me. Yeah. That is him.

1:01:30

Yeah. Pits

1:01:30

on the restaurant. Pits on the normal restaurant. He

1:01:34

said, diabetes. He's three. Yeah. Kiving

1:01:36

normal size of the world.

1:01:43

Dream dessert. Dream dessert,

1:01:45

again, evoking a time of

1:01:47

year. My own pumpkin

1:01:49

pie. Oh, a slice of.

1:01:51

Yeah. Lovely. One slice. Yeah.

1:01:54

Because she

1:01:54

would give me that whole thing.

1:01:55

Yeah. Because I I think it feels very light. Isn't

1:01:57

it pumpkin pie? So I would have

1:01:59

this maybe with some

1:02:02

single cream --

1:02:03

Yeah. -- and I would have yeah.

1:02:05

I would it'd be my own Reece which is not

1:02:07

fancy, but it's just days. made pastry.

1:02:09

Yeah. And then this pumpkin pie. And

1:02:11

again, it's because it reminds me of one of

1:02:13

my happy times. Times

1:02:16

of the year. Halloween. Yeah. My biggest

1:02:18

of probably biggest of all all the

1:02:21

the holidays for me, because Christmas and

1:02:23

I love Christmas, but Halloween is huge.

1:02:25

Weirdly curtailed this year because I was

1:02:28

filming, so I'm it passed me by -- Mhmm. --

1:02:30

annoyingly. So I've I've I've got

1:02:32

one under my belts after sort of experience

1:02:35

it twice as hard next

1:02:36

year. But, yes, I would say pumpkin pie

1:02:38

as a as a treat. Do you like

1:02:40

Halloween?

1:02:40

Do you know what? It might say a group in a

1:02:42

Christian household. Alright. Okay. So

1:02:44

it wasn't really a it

1:02:46

wasn't it was, like, devilish. If it was

1:02:48

devilish, they they they mainly I mean,

1:02:50

maybe they did not have to let them speak for themselves,

1:02:52

the old parents.

1:02:52

But, like, didn't want us going out trick or treating

1:02:55

as they thought we'd scare old ladies.

1:02:56

Right. They

1:02:57

thought it was not nice. Don't go out and do it. But

1:02:58

on the other hand, when I'm caught bats,

1:03:01

but

1:03:01

she caught bats all the time. And and

1:03:03

we

1:03:03

ate them. So that's

1:03:05

pretty halloween each other. Yeah.

1:03:08

Something about the year after having a

1:03:10

fancy dress that I think was a Halloween party

1:03:12

at my house. And I so I do remember

1:03:15

that at one point, but, yeah, in general,

1:03:17

didn't go in for it, didn't happen much. And,

1:03:19

you know, now, as an adult, when I see

1:03:21

families that have kids and then go in for it, I feel like

1:03:23

that would have been so

1:03:24

fun. Like, objectively

1:03:27

fun. Yeah.

1:03:27

Yeah. And when I've had pumpkin pie,

1:03:29

which I've had mainly at my friends when

1:03:32

they've done Thanksgiving because I guess, of

1:03:34

course. Yeah.

1:03:35

Delicious. And obviously, as a kid, I would

1:03:37

have gone -- Yeah. Crazy for that. Yes. I

1:03:39

love I love Halloween. Good.

1:03:41

My wife loves Halloween as well and decorates

1:03:44

household. Yeah. But she likes spooky stuff,

1:03:46

not scary stuff. Right. So there's a lot

1:03:48

of, like, quite cute pumpkins and stuff

1:03:50

because I prefer to

1:03:51

have, like, all guts hung up. You would have -- Yeah. Yeah.

1:03:53

-- full on saw. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. That's

1:03:55

what I want. Yeah. Our life increasingly got me in

1:03:57

someone that purports like horror. I am

1:03:59

more and more squeamish in my

1:04:02

old age, I think, and I go more for the spooky

1:04:04

and more Yeah. -- ghost ghosty psychological

1:04:06

than you know,

1:04:08

sore and guts and

1:04:10

gone. Frankface is a big one

1:04:12

of a big hallow horror festival, and there's it

1:04:14

seems to be all about cheering the

1:04:16

heads coming

1:04:17

off the

1:04:17

arms and it's like it's

1:04:19

a bit first route for me now. Yeah.

1:04:21

First time of my life the other day, I turned

1:04:23

off film because it was

1:04:25

really much Yeah. So in the Was

1:04:26

it? Can you name it? Terrifier. Oh, yes. The

1:04:29

first terrifier.

1:04:29

You see the second one? No. I could get through Oh

1:04:32

my god. I couldn't

1:04:33

get through the

1:04:33

first get to that bit. Yeah. Yeah. And I was

1:04:35

like, no. I can't mine then. What I love that? I

1:04:37

made Benito with Yeah. Benito saw the

1:04:39

mime. That's absolutely fantastic. Because

1:04:42

I was loving it. It was really making me laugh as well.

1:04:44

Yeah. Because the the scene in the diner is really

1:04:47

funny. Yeah. Back to him every time he's doing a different

1:04:49

face. I loved all that. But my creepiest one.

1:04:51

Quite creepy. Then when it gets to just, like,

1:04:53

horrible, quite, like,

1:04:55

disgusting violence towards women just in

1:04:58

a in a deliberately provocative

1:05:00

way. I was like, that's making me feel ill.

1:05:02

He's out. Yeah. He was out.

1:05:04

That's an easy on his own. Yeah. Yeah.

1:05:05

Gamble. It was yeah. It it

1:05:08

it's horrible. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Is

1:05:10

even worse. Yeah. It's sort of like they've done

1:05:13

right then. Yeah. Rung their hands together

1:05:15

and thought we can we've got to top

1:05:17

it. Yeah. And they sort of do in a in

1:05:19

a really grisly. It's

1:05:21

done very well. Doesn't it? It's done

1:05:22

very well because it's like eighties. It's like

1:05:25

the film is if it's a a video nasty

1:05:28

reveal to it. And that is very authentic.

1:05:30

Yeah. Yeah. So it it's not just

1:05:32

that they're just making a film. It's of a film

1:05:35

and it's an era of of that type of

1:05:37

film making. So It's there's

1:05:39

more thought. If it was just that film from that

1:05:41

time, it'd be even worse, but -- Yeah. -- because it's sort

1:05:43

of, like, it knows what it's

1:05:44

doing. Yeah. Maybe that's worse.

1:05:46

Yeah. I don't like horror films.

1:05:49

Reece. yeah. Maybe. It's

1:05:51

interesting that we talk about horror, but does

1:05:53

anything ever what what has been

1:05:55

the horror film that's actually scared

1:05:57

you or made you feel unsettled in the middle of the night

1:05:59

that same

1:06:00

night.

1:06:00

You mean

1:06:00

about it again? Because to me, nothing ever

1:06:02

really does.

1:06:03

No. No. It's horrible. Yeah. Yeah. But it's not

1:06:05

like, oh my god, actually, feeling a bit scared

1:06:07

in my bed. It's some nothing rare

1:06:10

ever really achieves that to me.

1:06:12

Not now as an adult, but I was like,

1:06:14

teenager, any horror film would stick

1:06:16

with her for her. The first time I saw scream

1:06:18

too. Right. Two weeks, I was shitting

1:06:20

myself. Right?

1:06:21

Yeah. The Reece, I think, is a very scary

1:06:24

movie. Yeah. Actually, you know, if it's ironically enough

1:06:26

because

1:06:26

they're Yeah.

1:06:27

Past of course going over, but it's horrible

1:06:29

the first one. Very violent. What is

1:06:31

the thought of like a killer not really

1:06:33

needing any

1:06:34

really.

1:06:35

Yeah. I'm just going around and knifeing up everybody.

1:06:37

So I was like, oh, my god. I I think that

1:06:39

could be me at any point.

1:06:40

Yeah. Good anything like that when writing,

1:06:43

you know, anything anything that you've done in the past.

1:06:45

And gone That's

1:06:46

too horrible

1:06:47

on that. Weird. Yeah. No.

1:06:49

Not really. I mean, I think our things

1:06:51

are dark, but there's I feel like there's

1:06:53

always a level of responsibility

1:06:56

about it. I think Reece sometimes powerful because

1:06:58

we are judicious with swearing.

1:07:01

Mhmm. So it's very impactful

1:07:03

when we we use it. We've always had that

1:07:05

sort of ethos. Mhmm. To try

1:07:08

to not just go from north to hundred

1:07:10

and and earn it. Mhmm. And that maybe

1:07:12

that's, you know, it's it's a more insidious way

1:07:14

of affecting people because we're careful

1:07:16

with how we use it. If it is gonna

1:07:18

be a gross out bit or something. But,

1:07:21

yeah, sometimes you can just tell that people are

1:07:23

sort of going for the the

1:07:25

full effect and they haven't earned

1:07:26

it. So we've I don't think we've ever written

1:07:28

anything we saw that's too horrible. We can't do that.

1:07:30

Well, judicious swearing. This is they just

1:07:33

you do build them so well. Because I just think it's

1:07:35

fucking

1:07:35

pleasure. Right. Roy Shelby Brown.

1:07:37

Yes. It's just perfect. Yeah. Especially

1:07:40

coming from him. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. You could you could

1:07:42

see his hold again. Yeah. Yeah. But he was wanted

1:07:44

it was the one time when we he we wanted

1:07:46

him to do it, and he was like, oh, you want me

1:07:48

to Yes. So,

1:07:50

yeah, it's it's all in the writing

1:07:53

and then sort of keeping things back then he get

1:07:55

Reece like like

1:07:56

horror, a good horror. Is he not I guess

1:07:58

you're not seeing everything like terrier.

1:08:00

Mhmm. So horrible. Probably

1:08:02

would have been just as horrible if not

1:08:04

more. To have seen him doing what

1:08:06

he was

1:08:07

doing, but not see it. Yeah. Mhmm. And you could've

1:08:09

you might've got through it then.

1:08:10

Yeah. Maybe. I see. You know what? It

1:08:12

was the noise. Yes.

1:08:14

Funny games, that film.

1:08:16

Funny games are horrible. Yeah. That doesn't

1:08:18

show pretty much anything. Yeah. So, like,

1:08:20

for all of it, all the horrible stuff is happening

1:08:22

off

1:08:22

camera. Yeah. And that's stopping me for

1:08:24

a long time because you just imagine

1:08:27

you just go away and imagine

1:08:28

home invasion stuff keeps me away. That's really

1:08:30

hard because that's that's near to what

1:08:32

could happen. Yeah. And in it, often, the

1:08:34

acting is and the situation is like

1:08:36

what it would be

1:08:37

like. Yeah. The purge is a horrible film.

1:08:39

Oh, it's just gonna say that. Isn't it? Just think,

1:08:41

oh, god. That'd be awful.

1:08:42

Yeah. Imagine that. And it's not it's very

1:08:44

close. It's not the Gothic. It's not like a castle

1:08:47

where it's not scary because

1:08:48

it's Yeah. -- removed, this is like in

1:08:50

your house and it's like very believable. That's why

1:08:52

I think often the scariest things are

1:08:54

like a a robber coming in because it's that's

1:08:56

what you just keep me awake at night. Yeah. I mean, there was

1:08:59

a creek on the on the stairwell.

1:09:01

If someone's in terrified, we're

1:09:03

trying to creep around to home, dad to wake them up at the

1:09:05

night. That was always the most scary thing. Oh. I

1:09:07

used to have a recurring nightmare just

1:09:09

remembered it now. Of my mom and dad

1:09:11

that were replaced, this

1:09:13

was a literally, it was I streamed

1:09:16

out a lot. And it when it started

1:09:18

out, was it was the most fright it'd ever been because

1:09:20

it was, like, it's gonna be that one again. And

1:09:22

I would go to bed and then

1:09:24

my mom dad would dance would take their

1:09:26

mom and dad faces

1:09:27

off, and they'd be witches. Oh,

1:09:30

boy. And they were dancing around downstairs and they

1:09:32

and they weren't my mom and dad. Reece.

1:09:35

And that used to happen a lot and it was I

1:09:37

would wake up and be slightly frightened of my

1:09:40

mom -- Yeah.

1:09:40

-- thinking it's still you take your mask off.

1:09:43

Yeah.

1:09:43

So I think I feel now like what you're saying, but you

1:09:45

shouldn't have said it out loud.

1:09:46

Yeah. Oh, no. No. No. My I

1:09:49

loved wild audiobooks as of the Right. Which

1:09:51

is And my mom started feeding the witches

1:09:53

to

1:09:53

me.

1:09:54

Nice. Well, I was holding the bat of you. Yeah. Yeah.

1:09:57

That's fine. That's fine. The

1:10:00

I mean, the witch is opens with how

1:10:02

to spot a

1:10:03

witch. I like it. That that that that that that that that that

1:10:06

think

1:10:06

about

1:10:06

the one you got one toe. Yeah. All this.

1:10:08

Yeah. They wear gloves because it's square on

1:10:10

the rest of the year. It's all that stuff. She was reading

1:10:12

it all all the checklist. And not

1:10:14

all of them added up added up some of them are's

1:10:16

line. This is you. And

1:10:21

she got to the end of it. I think you played sides. She got

1:10:23

to the end of it. Mhmm. And I just an

1:10:25

equivalent voice you

1:10:27

are she went she went,

1:10:29

like, we're not meeting this book because

1:10:32

you're just shit

1:10:32

scared. Yeah. Beat it. That's the

1:10:34

worst thing to say. Just say no, straightaway

1:10:36

rather than we're not reading this. He's on to me.

1:10:38

Yeah. Yeah. He's on that side. He will have to adapt.

1:10:40

He'll actually put you in into the into the

1:10:42

cage because you wear a mouthful.

1:10:43

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He'll be into a mouth. Put me in a nest

1:10:46

with you.

1:10:47

You couldn't have a meal with me. Yeah. But

1:10:50

Yes. Well,

1:10:50

it's

1:10:51

funny, isn't it the childhood things? And the and the

1:10:53

more mundane things are things that get you --

1:10:55

Yeah. -- with an all full on horror --

1:10:57

Yeah. -- definitely. But this pumpkin pie

1:10:59

-- Yes.

1:10:59

-- is the color of your show. -- because you

1:11:01

are a fantastic baker as well. Well, yes.

1:11:03

And I I guess, as I said earlier, having

1:11:05

done the Bake Off, where I I did one

1:11:07

of my choices was a tray

1:11:09

tray, pumpkin tray. So it was it's in that

1:11:11

world.

1:11:12

But I

1:11:12

don't know whether I'm a fantastic baker. I just

1:11:14

knew I would get by some way

1:11:17

by being quite artistic. So I'm wondering what

1:11:19

I used to do never really do it much as

1:11:21

I used to, but I thought I can if it's

1:11:23

biscuits, I can do I probably have to do something

1:11:25

that looks quite good with the icing. Mhmm. So

1:11:27

I thought I'd have it wouldn't be completely useless.

1:11:29

I wouldn't be going that route. Yeah.

1:11:32

And as it turned

1:11:32

out, they they said it tasted

1:11:35

nice as well. Yeah. I was surprised. I got the handshake

1:11:37

Oh, you got the handshake.

1:11:38

Handshake. When are you guys?

1:11:40

When are you? Oh, you know?

1:11:41

You can't all do well,

1:11:42

James. However, it

1:11:43

was absolutely the most stressful thing

1:11:45

I've ever

1:11:46

done. Yes. Yeah. I found you.

1:11:48

Exhausting. And that was fucking bad ending.

1:11:50

You got the full the full spectrum

1:11:51

here. One did fine. Absolute

1:11:54

disaster. Yeah. Well, there you go. What

1:11:56

I I never really appear as me in

1:11:58

things. And that was relentlessly it

1:12:00

was only two days of it

1:12:01

Yeah. -- but it was exhausting to be on

1:12:03

the entire time

1:12:04

-- Yeah. -- five cameras on you waiting

1:12:06

for you to fail, trying to be thinking funny

1:12:08

things all the time, and do

1:12:10

it, do the cooking. I but

1:12:12

you finally want to fucking crack an egg. Yeah.

1:12:15

Normally, whilst being watched and that's what

1:12:17

you're doing.

1:12:18

Yeah. So it was Yes.

1:12:20

It looks like I was just doing it, and you'd but

1:12:22

you're real you're on Bake Off. Yeah. And

1:12:24

it's it's really stressful. Yeah.

1:12:26

Yeah. I love that. Everyone else has done a lot better

1:12:29

gun on Bake Off and acting on the outside

1:12:31

like they're all right. Yeah. But I don't I don't

1:12:33

have that. I was just like, no. This is how

1:12:35

a barely feeling. And it's all gonna be on the outside,

1:12:37

and you don't have to wait around for me to fuck up because

1:12:39

it's happening constantly.

1:12:42

Just point the camera to me. There we go.

1:12:44

I had lovely

1:12:45

time.

1:12:45

Good. Yeah. I was

1:12:46

very excited to do it. I thought I'm gonna have a great time.

1:12:48

I found it fun today. Yeah. I'm gonna cook cook really

1:12:50

well. It's gonna be great. First thing I did put icing

1:12:52

sugar in instead of

1:12:53

flour. First thing I did.

1:12:55

No. Yeah. I know. I mean, suddenly,

1:12:57

realize you're doing things that other

1:12:59

like the things you watch people do on bacon.

1:13:01

Yeah. Mhmm.

1:13:02

Oh my god. I I've this it's not all

1:13:04

sticking together. What am I gonna do? I'll put it in the fridge.

1:13:06

Oh, I've dropped it all. Things

1:13:09

like that. You just you just beyond fingers

1:13:12

and fingers and thumbs completely, but that's what they're

1:13:14

relying is

1:13:14

now, obviously. Want people to do

1:13:16

battle. Want you to do battle. Yeah.

1:13:18

Full spectrum. Fall. Yeah.

1:13:20

Win.

1:13:23

I'm nodded toward. James at Faiman.

1:13:25

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See yourself. People like

1:13:27

to award. They've never got into awards. I know

1:13:29

then. Oh, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

1:13:33

When anyone when anyone says fail on this podcast,

1:13:35

there's a nod. Very definite.

1:13:37

There's a nod at this guy this way -- Yeah. -- this direction.

1:13:39

On a region, you're back to you now.

1:13:40

See, you came out. See, yes. Because that I feel

1:13:42

like I've been a bit vague, but I I have never idea.

1:13:44

Oh, I know. I've been being pretty specific. Very

1:13:46

specific.

1:13:47

Okay. Good.

1:13:47

First thing you asked was to be shrunk down and put in a nest.

1:13:49

Yeah. Could be more specific. Sparkling

1:13:52

water. Yeah. We would like for for problems

1:13:54

of

1:13:55

bread, you'd chosen a fried egg, peanut butter, and jam

1:13:57

sandwich.

1:13:57

Yeah. Didn't I? Haines Oxtell

1:14:00

Soup. Main course Christmas dinner,

1:14:02

side dish, haggis, knaps, and taties,

1:14:04

burns night. Yep. Drink a full glass

1:14:06

of alpine, dandelion, and burdock. Yeah.

1:14:09

Baum, the pop fan. Does that

1:14:11

your own homemade pumpkin pie

1:14:13

with single cream? Narcissistic, but yes.

1:14:16

I mean, it's pretty gravy.

1:14:18

Yeah. Is it Yeah. I think they've

1:14:20

all got nice memories attached to them. They've all got

1:14:22

reasons why they're there. There's different

1:14:24

times of year associated with different

1:14:26

courses.

1:14:27

But they it all feels wintry and messy.

1:14:29

Yes. Yes. It's all very autumnal.

1:14:31

And that is my favorite time of the year. Yeah. When the

1:14:33

night's drawing, and we get into the run from

1:14:36

Halloween to Bonfire Night Christmas is

1:14:38

all my favorite

1:14:38

bits. So, yes, it's in keeping with that, I think,

1:14:41

and the wintery skies.

1:14:42

How quickly do you wanna be magic

1:14:44

finger back into

1:14:45

nine thousand. Yes.

1:14:46

Good question. I mean, I guess it's how quickly

1:14:48

that that wine rate is around

1:14:51

talking to me all the

1:14:51

time. Yeah. If he's left me alone, I'll be happy just

1:14:54

to be up there for a little bit listening to the pitter patter.

1:14:56

I 180 wanna waste it. I mean, I'm -- Yeah. -- it's not gonna

1:14:58

happen very often, is it this drinking down?

1:15:01

So I guess I'll I'll let

1:15:03

it all settle and feel contented

1:15:05

and then have to go back to my normal

1:15:07

life. So give me like forty five minutes,

1:15:09

half an hour. Oh, perfect. Thank

1:15:12

you very much for coming to the dream next week. Thank

1:15:14

you very much for having me. Should keep me down.

1:15:22

Thank you very much to Reece for

1:15:24

coming in. We have we've made him

1:15:27

whole big sized again and sent him on

1:15:29

his

1:15:29

way.

1:15:29

Yeah. Yeah. He's a magic magic fingered

1:15:31

him back to normal size. We magic fingered him

1:15:34

back to normal size

1:15:36

very luckily as well -- Mhmm. --

1:15:38

that he didn't say special stuff.

1:15:40

Yeah. I mean, who knows he could have done?

1:15:42

There was a lot of imagination going

1:15:44

on there. There

1:15:45

was, but I would have hate to have had to have kicked him out

1:15:47

of the restaurant when he was still small.

1:15:49

Yeah. That would have been baddie because

1:15:50

they wouldn't have been talking to magic finger

1:15:52

him. We we would have had to just kick him out. Yeah.

1:15:54

You would have tumbled down the drain maybe

1:15:56

Yeah. -- and been mushed away. And

1:15:59

then you know, he couldn't have performed in the

1:16:01

unfriend because he would have been too tiny.

1:16:03

There would have been people sat in the front row having

1:16:05

to use those little opera glasses from the back of the seat

1:16:07

and who's got twenty p these days.

1:16:09

Yeah. No. When I went to I went

1:16:11

to see a play with my parents. And I kept

1:16:13

on offering twenty p to my mom

1:16:15

to use the banoculars. So I was

1:16:17

like, you need those now. You're old. She didn't like

1:16:20

that. Go go in

1:16:22

twenty

1:16:22

p. I'll I'll pay for it. My Reece use them.

1:16:25

You're a you're a lovely son. Yeah.

1:16:27

Go and see the unfriends. The unfriend

1:16:29

dot com is where you need to go to get ticket to

1:16:31

sign at the

1:16:32

criterion, and it is on now strictly

1:16:34

limited season. Get your ticket. It's a hot

1:16:36

ticket.

1:16:37

It's a hot ticket. So wear eleven gloves when you

1:16:39

go to the ticket

1:16:40

booth. Yeah. Need oven gloves, but then if you do

1:16:42

need the upper glasses, they're gonna be even trickier to

1:16:44

get out.

1:16:45

Yeah. It's really hard actually. Yeah. So,

1:16:47

you know, but that that's why that they only want

1:16:49

the best coming to see it. Yeah. So go

1:16:51

see it. Thank you very much for listening.

1:16:53

We will see you again sometime soon. Goodbye.

1:16:55

Goodbye.