0:00

Have you ever been deadlocked in a

0:02

disagreement with your spouse? You know? And it

0:04

might not be something that's easy

0:06

to overcome. Maybe your spouse

0:08

wants to homeschool and you don't. Maybe

0:11

your spouse is a leftist. And

0:13

you're not. Maybe you guys are

0:15

disagreeing about issues if faith or

0:17

parenting. These are really important topics. And

0:20

today, I'm gonna answer Whitley in

0:22

North Carolina about how you

0:24

should respond to your husband when

0:26

you disagree. And also, we're gonna talk a little

0:28

bit to a mom whose mother is

0:30

constantly inserting her opinion about

0:32

her daughter's education. Stick around. I think

0:35

you're gonna be encouraged. Well,

0:44

hey, you guys. How are you doing? I hope you're having a

0:46

great day this Tuesday. You know,

0:49

this is a great day to love your family well,

0:51

so I hope you are tracking with me

0:53

Over at mom's strong international, we just

0:56

released a brand new study on

0:58

the importance of motherhood. It's

1:00

called irreplaceable I can't wait

1:02

for you guys to join me. This is something

1:05

that I think if we could just if we could

1:07

get this right in the culture, if we could

1:09

really understand god's heart

1:11

for families, it would change the way

1:13

the culture sees motherhood.

1:15

And we need to do over. You guys heard me

1:17

talk about this a little bit yesterday. I

1:19

have been talking about

1:21

issues related to family and

1:24

marriage and education for, oh my goodness,

1:26

you guys. Of fifteen, twenty years.

1:28

It's been a long time. And I get

1:30

the same questions. I feel like we get the same questions

1:32

over and over again because human beings

1:34

are always grappling with really the same sorts

1:36

of things. And a couple weeks

1:39

ago, Whitley in North Carolina sent

1:41

a question into me, and I wanted to tackle

1:43

it a little bit today, and that is

1:46

the issue of love and respect inside

1:48

of Meredith. So let me read to you what she wrote. She said, what

1:50

do you say to a husband? That

1:52

was homeschooled, but beliefs

1:54

our kids should not be because

1:56

they can't be kept in a bubble or they won't be

1:58

able to handle, quote, the real world when

2:01

they get older. Well, my first my first response

2:03

to that is, you know, if if your husband's

2:06

word that your kids were in a bubble, then that means

2:08

that he feels like he grew up in a

2:10

bubble. And there were, you

2:12

know, a long time ago, especially homeschoolers

2:15

that definitely raised their

2:17

kids in a bubble. I don't know if you guys remember

2:19

a guy named Bill Gothard, but I was raised

2:21

under a lot of Bill Gothard's teachings, and I can

2:23

tell you right now, a lot of those

2:26

teachings were very harmful and very damaging

2:29

and we see them come out in families

2:31

like the Duggars. You can see, you know, ginger

2:33

for and ginger, I Cant how you say her last name

2:35

now, but ginger Duggars just released a new book called

2:37

finally free. She's talking about how

2:39

she got free from the

2:42

bad doctrines and the bad theologies that

2:45

tended to sort of define the

2:47

early homeschool movement and

2:50

really coming to know Jesus and recognizing

2:52

that you know, Jesus has there's

2:54

freedom in walking with him and staying inside

2:56

the boundaries that God has given us,

2:58

but also not putting extra things

3:01

on us that actually aren't in the bible.

3:03

And so I'm assuming that when your

3:05

husband talks about a bubble, he felt like

3:08

he grew up in a bubble bed. Homeschoolers today

3:10

are anything but in a bubble. And in fact, in

3:12

some respects, I'm like, can we bring at least some

3:14

of the bubble back? Because it wasn't all bad.

3:16

But a lot of it was. But as I look at

3:18

your question, So that's the first thing

3:20

I would say. You know, the bubble thing to

3:22

me, that's like when someone says to me, and aren't you

3:24

worried about socialization? My answer

3:27

is a hundred percent Yes,

3:29

I am worried about socialization. That's

3:31

ninety percent of the reason why I took my children

3:33

out of public school. You wanna see a bad

3:35

bubble? You wanna see bad socialization?

3:38

Just go down to your local public school and

3:40

you're gonna see it on the very first day,

3:42

on the very first minute. So that's

3:44

and when he says that they're not gonna be able to handle the

3:46

real world when they get older, that's just silly.

3:49

That actually really is just silly, but you can't

3:51

necessarily say that. I think you're just gonna

3:53

have to have conversations with him about what

3:55

homeschoolers are doing now? I mean, is his life

3:57

silly? Is he able to handle his

3:59

life in the real world? The other thing

4:02

I think that's sort of fascinating to

4:04

think about when it comes to this

4:06

kind of critique of homeschooling is

4:09

that when we talk about, you

4:11

know, kids being able to to handle themselves

4:13

in the world, why are we not talking about

4:16

how devastating woke ideology

4:18

is? To kids who are supposed to be

4:20

graduating from these woke schools and

4:22

then going into adulthood and having

4:24

actual productive lives. These kids can't

4:26

do math, but I'll tell you whether they can

4:28

tell you what gender you should be

4:30

on Thursday and whether or not you're having

4:32

issues with intersectionality They've

4:34

got all kinds of things to say about stuff

4:36

like this, but they're really struggling

4:38

with the real world issues

4:40

of bouncing a budget and learning

4:42

how to be responsible and holding down a

4:44

job and all those things. And so to blame

4:46

that on homeschooling just seems short sighted

4:48

to me, there are all

4:50

kinds of parents in every sphere

4:52

of education. There are abusive

4:55

parents in the public school system. There are

4:57

abusive parents in the home schools in homeschooling.

4:59

There are abusive parents in private schools,

5:01

and there are kids who are gonna struggle

5:03

their whole lives no matter what education

5:06

system they came out of. But I'm

5:08

here to tell you, I think that the statistics

5:11

back up the fact that kids that come

5:13

out of homeschooled families are actually

5:15

doing better than their public school counterparts

5:17

in almost every sphere of

5:19

influence in in excelling

5:21

in college. They're they're going

5:23

into into they're managing

5:25

their own businesses. They're entrepreneurs, they're

5:27

having their own families, they're doing just

5:29

fine. And so when people when people bring that

5:31

up to me now, I'm just like, yeah, you

5:33

guys need to get out more, so that doesn't even bother me.

5:35

Here, Here though is the bigger issue.

5:38

So when you talk about how to

5:40

respond to your husband, I want to

5:42

just encourage you to

5:45

a place of biblical response

5:47

to your husband because we wanna pay attention

5:49

to what the Bible says. So let's look at

5:51

Ephesians chapter nine really quickly

5:54

versus nineteen and twenty when.

5:56

It says address one another in Psalms and

5:58

hymns and spiritual songs singing and making

6:00

melody to Lord in your heart giving thanks

6:03

always and for everything to

6:05

god the father in the name of the Lord Jesus

6:07

submitting to one another out

6:09

of reverence for Christ. So

6:12

the verse is right before that,

6:14

say, don't get drunk with wine,

6:17

where this is dissipation, that but

6:19

instead be filled the holy spirit. Speak to

6:21

one another in Psalms. So the

6:23

the first part of that verse is saying,

6:25

hey, guys, listen. There's gonna be

6:27

some problems here if you do a, b, and c.

6:29

And the first thing he said is don't get drunk

6:31

don't get drunk with mine, but instead be

6:33

filled with the spirit. Notice that all the

6:35

commands that precede the marriage

6:38

instruction are given to

6:40

Christians in general. Bible says, refuse to

6:42

get drunk, be filled with the spirit, encourage

6:44

one another, sing songs,

6:46

and songs of praise and hymns have an

6:48

attitude of continual worship, live

6:51

in a spirit of thanks and gratitude

6:53

submit graciously to each other

6:55

and it's easy for us, I

6:57

think, to to skip

6:59

to the issue and forget

7:01

how God says we're supposed to address each

7:03

other. How are we supposed to talk to each other.

7:05

How are we supposed to treat each other? And the

7:07

Bible's very clear on this. We are called

7:09

to love and respect our

7:11

husband's Ephesians chapter five versus

7:14

twenty one to thirty three

7:16

says, so at the end, right

7:18

now, we're at the end. We just read verse

7:20

twenty one. And that ended

7:22

with, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Now

7:24

he goes on the apostle Paul in verse twenty two

7:26

and says, why have submit to your own husband as

7:28

to the Lord? But the husband is the

7:30

head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of

7:32

the church, his body, and is himself

7:35

its savior. Now as the church submits

7:37

to Christ, So also wives

7:39

should submit to their husbands in everything.

7:42

Husbands. Okay. We'll get to this

7:44

in a second. Women are

7:46

called to submit to their husbands

7:48

in everything. And and

7:50

we're not talking about sin, love your husband asks you to

7:52

submit to him to go Rabobank, no. If your

7:54

husband asks asks you to watch Bernard agree with

7:56

him, no. Right? That's not that's not what

7:58

we're talking about. And in thirty

8:00

three years of being married to my husband,

8:02

I can I can probably count on one

8:04

hand if even that, the number of

8:06

times that Jay and I have disagreed,

8:08

and he has and he has said, I'm

8:11

gonna go ahead and make this decision even though you

8:13

vehemently disagree? In

8:15

fact, I didn't know if I can think of a certain of a single

8:17

incident where that has happened. That would be such

8:19

an egregious abuse,

8:22

really, of the command that wives

8:24

are supposed to submit to their husbands. We

8:27

are called to live live with

8:29

one another in an in an

8:31

understanding, right, in an understanding

8:33

way. And so if Jay and I disagree on

8:35

something, it would be unwise for him. Just go, I don't

8:37

care what you say. I'm the king of the castle

8:39

on says that have to submit to me, what a

8:41

foolish attitude to take? Right? I

8:43

remember my granddad a long time

8:45

ago he and my grandmother were married for seventy five

8:47

years and my grandmother was eight by

8:49

your cracker. I know that's hard for you guys to

8:51

understand, our feet to visualize, Mitch,

8:53

he definitely was. And

8:56

when we were very early in our

8:58

marriage, we went over to my grandparents house

9:00

for dinner, and we were talking about the

9:02

issue of submission because it had come

9:04

up in class in Sunday

9:06

school. And my Cant, who

9:08

was a pastor, so wisely

9:11

said, ID and J, if submission

9:13

is the you in your marriage. If submission is what

9:15

you're talking about over and over and over

9:17

again, then you don't have the heart of

9:19

Christ. In a healthy marriage, the

9:21

issue of submission will never come up.

9:23

Why? Because we are committed to loving

9:25

each other, to loving one another. And that

9:27

is what the Bible is trying to tell us. That is

9:30

what the apostle policy. And so he

9:32

goes on in this passage and he says,

9:34

husbands love your wise. How did

9:36

Christ love his bride?

9:38

He laid down his lifer. That's what that's

9:40

what the Bible says, husbands love your wise.

9:42

As Christ loved the church and gave

9:44

himself up for her that he might

9:46

sanctify her having cleansed her by

9:48

the washing of water and with the word so

9:50

they might present the church to himself in

9:52

splendor without spot or wrinkle or

9:54

any such thing, but she might be holy

9:56

and without blemish. In the same way,

9:58

husband should love their wives as

10:00

their own bodies. He who loves

10:02

his wife, loves himself.

10:05

Where no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes

10:07

and cherishes it just as Christ

10:09

does the church because we are

10:11

members of his body. Therefore a

10:13

man shall leave his father and his mother

10:15

and hold fast to his wife and the

10:17

two shall become one

10:19

flesh. This mystery is profound, and

10:21

I am saying that it refers to Christ

10:23

in the church. However, let

10:25

each of you love his wife as himself

10:27

and let the wife see that she

10:29

were specs, her husband. Do

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get started. That

11:17

that closing statement verse

11:19

thirty three, let each of you

11:21

love his wife as himself

11:23

and let the wife see that she respects

11:26

or husband, you just hit the nail on

11:28

the head when you talk about love

11:30

and respect. God has made us very

11:32

unique in this way. Women need the love of

11:34

their husbands, and husbands need the

11:36

respect of their wives. And so when you're

11:38

talking to your husband about this issue

11:40

whether it's putting your kids in a

11:42

public school or whether it's homeschooling or

11:44

whatever it is, I'm just gonna

11:46

encourage you, keep your eyes

11:48

on the ball, and God says that

11:50

we are to respect our husband. So we wanna

11:52

be very careful in how we respond

11:54

and the things that we say. And there are

11:56

biblical ways to

11:59

approach a disagreement. One thing that's very

12:01

important is do not shame

12:03

your husband's opinion in front of other people.

12:05

I have seen women do this over the years and

12:07

it is ugly. It is an

12:09

ugly way for us to behave award

12:11

our husband and it dishonors our

12:13

husband and it dishonors the Lord. And if the

12:15

exact opposite of what the apostle Paul

12:17

was just saying in verse thirty three, wives

12:19

respect your husband's. Another thing that's really

12:21

important to remember is that there is

12:23

a right time to talk about this stuff.

12:25

Right? Proverbs says that right

12:27

words spoken in the right time are

12:29

like apples of gold in the silver

12:31

setting. In other words, the wrong time detector

12:33

has been about stuff might be when he walks in

12:35

the door from from work and he's tired and he just

12:37

wants to put his his

12:39

backpack down and go take a

12:41

shower before he comes down to dinner or whatever

12:43

it is. We wanna be careful that we bring

12:45

things up at the right time.

12:47

Choose being respectful, women

12:50

over being right. So when you

12:52

think about your husband and

12:54

the the the conversation that you're

12:56

going to have, choose

12:58

respect. You can choose that. You choose it in

13:00

the way that you you speak to him, you

13:02

choose it in the way that you

13:04

communicate to him in front of your children,

13:06

you choose respect when you say, and

13:08

I honor your opinion, I recognize that

13:10

you and I may have a different opinion.

13:12

Can we pray about this together?

13:14

And I I genuinely believe

13:16

having seen this happen, you know, over and

13:18

over again in my life as

13:20

a married woman, that there isn't

13:22

very much that a marriage can't overcome.

13:25

When husbands genuinely love their

13:27

wives, listen to them,

13:29

care about their opinion, don't

13:32

rush out and make decisions without their wives,

13:34

and wives love their husband. And the same

13:36

thing goes with your

13:38

decision to or not to

13:40

homeschool your kids. But the

13:42

reasons that he's giving you, I I

13:44

don't think they hold a lot of water. Homeschool

13:46

kids can definitely handle the real world.

13:48

And the only way that your kids would live in a

13:50

bubble is if you created a bubble and then stuck

13:53

them in it. So that's

13:55

kind of my two cents on it, and I would just

13:57

encourage you love and respect goes

13:59

an awful long way. Alright,

14:01

Courtney in North Carolina, said that her

14:03

mom is constantly inserting her

14:05

opinion about her daughter's education. She said,

14:07

how do I handle the constant negative

14:09

and over opinionated comments from

14:11

my own mother? My daughter

14:13

is ten and going into sixth grade, and

14:15

my husband and I have made the decision to pull

14:17

her out of public school and

14:19

put her into a small private school.

14:21

A Christian school. My mother hasn't had

14:23

a thing nice to say about it just that my

14:25

daughter will be missing out on fun things, school

14:28

dances, football games, and worldly

14:30

things. I let her know this

14:32

is its biblical curriculum, not a woke

14:34

agenda, and it's

14:36

enough for now for our child. How should I

14:38

handle this? When I say that God gave her to me

14:40

and that I know who'll answer one day, I just

14:42

get a worldly view from her that I'm not

14:44

doing the right thing for my child and she feels

14:46

sad for her. It makes me feel

14:48

like I'm not a good mother and I

14:50

want something different just because I want something

14:52

different for my child. Alright. So I'm

14:54

gonna I'm gonna go out on a limb here,

14:56

Courtney, since you're talking about the worldly

14:58

opinions of your mom. I'm gonna go out on a

15:00

limb here and assume that

15:02

your mom isn't a Christian. I'm assuming

15:04

that she isn't saved. Listen, when I

15:06

decided to homeschool our kids, when Jay

15:08

and I made the decision to pull our kids out

15:10

of out of the public school and we

15:12

decided to homeschool them, almost

15:14

everybody in our family criticized us on

15:16

the regular. Like, we were kind of mocked

15:18

and criticized and I always

15:21

tell parents, listen fruit takes time to

15:23

grow. Nobody ever looks at

15:25

a farmer or a

15:27

guy who's tending a field and has a

15:29

brand new apple orchard. And after the first

15:31

season goes up to that that really

15:33

small sapling, it says, what's the matter with your

15:35

tree? There's no fruit on your tree? No. We

15:37

know that fruit takes time to grow,

15:39

and it takes time to raise children, it takes

15:41

time for the fruit to be seen. And so

15:43

I would just encourage you not to get in these

15:46

conversations with your mom. You don't need to prove

15:48

yourself, your your child does not

15:50

belong to your mother, your child was

15:52

given to to you by the

15:54

Lord who saw fit to

15:56

give her to you and to your husband. And so

15:58

if if I was in that position and

16:00

I was once, I think you

16:02

can just say, hey, we just agree to disagree and

16:04

then drop it and talk about something

16:06

else, but don't let her dissuade you from

16:08

making such an important decision for your

16:10

child's education. You have absolutely

16:12

made the right decision in taking your

16:15

daughter out of the out of the public

16:17

schools. And honestly, not a

16:19

minute too soon because the schools are

16:21

on fire. So I hope that

16:23

helps you. I'm assuming your mom doesn't

16:25

know the lord, you wanna love her and

16:27

respect her, but she doesn't get to

16:29

make these decisions, and I would agree to

16:31

disagree with her and just ask that you not

16:33

continue talking about it. This

16:35

one came in with a comment

16:37

about my my podcast

16:40

with regard to homeschoolers taking

16:42

government money. She said, Heidi, I agree with

16:44

you. We should not be taking care of money

16:46

for homeschooling like welfare, it's a

16:48

trap. I thought about this the

16:51

other day. It's like if you guys don't

16:53

want government control in

16:55

your lives. And certainly, we've in the

16:57

last, you know, couple of years,

16:59

as we've been overtaken by

17:02

government intrusion when it comes to like the Rona,

17:05

if you don't with the government in your life, then

17:07

don't take child support from the

17:09

government. The public schools or child support the government. If we're gonna start

17:11

taking vouchers for homeschooling, that's child

17:13

support from the government coming into homeschooling.

17:15

And if you think for one second,

17:17

the government's gonna give you child support and not want

17:20

something in return from you. You don't

17:22

understand the nature of

17:24

the government and that's the truth.

17:26

I love this comment from Candice on

17:28

YouTube. She said, y'all better listen to

17:30

Heidi? She's right. That

17:33

was in response to me talking about moms

17:35

being irreplaceable. And yes, I am right

17:37

about that. Mom's are irreplaceable.

17:40

Alright. There is a lady who's upset with me

17:43

and she wanted to discuss

17:45

something that doctor Mark and

17:48

I said talking on our

17:50

podcast the other day. So this is Renee in

17:52

Washington. So, hey, Renee. She said

17:54

I don't have a question. I am

17:56

cerned about what was shared about dairy

17:58

farms on the podcast with Cant Mark.

18:00

There are several untruths that were

18:02

shared about the dairy industry. I would suggest

18:05

that you and doctor Mark have

18:07

an interview a modern farmer. So,

18:10

hey, Renee. If you'd like to come on the show, this is

18:12

your invitation. We'd love to have you on to

18:14

talk about it. She said, she

18:16

thinks that this would help me get my facts

18:18

straight about the conditions that cows are raised

18:20

in. I didn't think that we actually spent very

18:22

much time on this. I felt like we were

18:24

mostly talking about milk alternatives. You may have

18:26

heard me say to Dr. Marquee, please don't

18:28

ruin milk for me

18:30

I love milk. I'm the girl who drinks milk every single

18:33

day. We drink organic milk in our

18:35

home. I'm a huge fan of dairy

18:37

farmers and cows is a

18:39

general rule. And so I

18:41

certainly wasn't trying to offend you, but we definitely

18:43

did that. She went on to say one

18:45

major false fact that

18:48

was shared about the modern

18:50

dairy cows that they are fed to be as

18:52

fat as possible. Farmers do not

18:54

want fat cows because that causes health

18:56

problems for the animal, cows are fed of very

18:58

specific rations created by

19:00

nutritionists, hired by the farmer, their diets

19:02

keep them in the healthiest and

19:04

most bit shape possible better than most Americans, and

19:06

that's probably true, especially for following

19:08

the American sad diet. She

19:10

says no farmer can sell milk to stores

19:12

with antibiotics in

19:14

it. And again,

19:16

you know, I apologize. I think we were just, you

19:18

know, scooting over that stuff. You see a lot of

19:20

chicken, they say, no antibiotics, ever and

19:22

and, you know, the labeling, the

19:24

false labeling that's on food right now, I think, is

19:26

very confusing. I can see that that

19:28

you love your cows. And I do too.

19:30

And I definitely don't wanna be the purveyor of

19:33

false cow information here.

19:35

And I I agree with you

19:37

also, you know, you're saying

19:39

that the Leftists have really hurt the dairy industry,

19:42

which I think is true. She says farmers

19:44

along feeding America, they're very

19:46

underappreciated wall.

19:48

Renee, not by me. I really appreciate the farmers

19:50

in America. And so I really started that it

19:52

came across that waitlist, and I realized it's easy to

19:54

criticize dairy farms for being,

19:57

you know, cruel to the cows without being

19:59

aware of the realities of exactly what's

20:01

happening in the bigger picture. And

20:03

so I love milk and butter and

20:05

cheese and yogurt and ice cream. And

20:07

curds on my goodness at the Tolmount factory.

20:09

I love those custard, egg nog ghee,

20:11

sour cream, whey, ricotta cheese, cream cheese,

20:13

buttermilk. I love all the

20:15

things. And so I apologize to you from the very bottom

20:17

of my milk, living hard about that, and

20:19

I'm sure that Mark and I will revisit

20:21

it. Alright. Another comment from YouTube

20:24

that came in. And this was

20:26

on my episode

20:28

entitled No Place for Kids, The

20:30

Public Schools. And she said I agree the schools

20:32

are not salvageable. I pulled my kids out

20:34

to avoid the COVID insanity in twenty twenty,

20:36

and I'm so grateful for your encouragement,

20:38

which helped solidify my decision

20:40

to never send them back.

20:42

I remember hearing you say employer kids out of the

20:45

schools and I didn't get but I

20:47

do now. So I'm encouraged

20:49

by that. Toni Thompson said this is the best

20:51

year of homeschool It's our

20:53

second year. I work part time, a hundred

20:55

percent best decision ever. Okay.

20:57

So I love that. It's telling me that you

20:59

guys are catching on and you're catching the homeschool

21:01

bug, which I'm really happy about. Listen to

21:03

you guys, life is

21:06

difficult. Life is difficult. Parenting

21:08

is difficult, marriage is difficult. If you've been married

21:10

for more than thirty seconds, you know marriage is difficult. If

21:12

you wanna find out how completely wicked and awful

21:14

you are, have a child, and

21:16

you'll learn very quickly. God wants to use these things

21:18

to sanctify you, to bring you in

21:20

closer relationship with him

21:23

And so we do that by encouraging each other. We do it by being

21:25

in the word. We do it over here. We're

21:27

doing it at mom's strong international.

21:30

And we're encouraging you guys to get into your bibles. And

21:32

so if you haven't already joined me, I wanna see

21:34

this be the biggest way that we've ever

21:37

done look and see what God

21:39

says in his word about the

21:41

irreplaceable value of mothers. Doctor Mark's

21:43

actually gonna come on for one of my weeks of

21:45

teaching for this study this month because we're gonna be

21:47

talking about how to nurture your children,

21:49

body, soul, mind, and

21:52

spirit, and really learn how to be

21:54

the mom that God wants you to

21:56

be. You really are irreplaceable.

21:58

If you guys would enjoy me at that study, now

22:00

is the time the study just released

22:02

and you can get your hands on

22:04

it, at momstronginternational dot

22:07

com. Thank you guys so much for

22:09

listening. It is a joy to be here with you every

22:11

day and to have just a little part and what God's doing in your I'd

22:13

love to hear from you. You can reach out to Cant, ideys

22:16

saint john dot com forward slash

22:18

mail box Monday. That's how you leave comments.

22:20

Obviously, you can do it on YouTube. Or

22:22

even go any place that podcasts are and leave

22:24

a review, and we might read your review

22:27

on the air. Thank you guys for listening. Have

22:29

a great afternoon. I will see you back

22:31

here again. Right here at the

22:33

intersection of big and culture.