0:00

I'm into philosophy. They should love

0:02

deep intellectual conversations too.

0:04

I like reading. They should love reading

0:07

too. And I'm like, you're not trying

0:09

to be with yourself. That's

0:11

not the goal of a relationship. If you find

0:14

that it works, that's awesome, but you have to

0:16

realize that those are not the qualities that

0:18

make this a healthy relationship. Hey,

0:26

everyone, welcome back to On Purpose,

0:28

the number one health podcast in the

0:31

world, and thanks to you all,

0:34

it has been an incredible

0:36

couple of weeks. Our guests have been incredible.

0:39

You've been listening to these solo episodes

0:41

on a Friday. I know so many of you are

0:43

listening to an episode every day,

0:46

and I genuinely hope that that is massively

0:48

improving your mental, physical,

0:51

emotional health. Remember,

0:53

if you're listening to on Purpose, it's

0:55

because you're happy, healthy, and healing.

0:58

Right, We're here because we're happy,

1:00

healthy, and healing. I am happy,

1:03

healthy, and healing at all

1:05

times. And I want to thank you so

1:08

much for all the love and energy you brought

1:10

to the Kendall Jenner episode that

1:13

just came out on Monday. If you haven't

1:15

heard it, I highly recommend you go back and listen

1:17

to it. It's a really great

1:19

episode to get a unique perspective, a different

1:21

angle. I want to thank you genuinely

1:24

appreciate you for giving me that

1:26

opportunity, for being patient, for listening,

1:28

and I'm so glad you turned up today because

1:31

I really believe that this episode, what I'm about

1:34

to share with you is going to

1:36

really transform how

1:39

you think about relationships.

1:42

And as you know, I have my new book coming

1:44

out next year, eight Rules of Love. Eight

1:47

Rules of Love dot com. You can pre order the book.

1:49

But some of these ideas

1:52

are ideas that have thought about for the past

1:54

couple of years. I've been working on them with

1:56

my coaching clients who are having

1:58

relationship difficulties or marriage difficulties,

2:01

or have gone through a divorce or a breakup,

2:03

and I wanted to share these with you

2:06

here because otherwise I don't

2:08

really get to tell you about all of them. So thank

2:10

you so much for turning up, thank you for being here, thank

2:12

you for all the reviews that you've been leaving.

2:15

It's been unbelievable to see

2:17

the support that you've been giving the show, and

2:20

I genuinely couldn't be more thankful

2:22

to each and every one of you. I

2:25

would love you to leave a review as well, and it would

2:27

mean the world to me. So I'm

2:30

going to dive in. And today's

2:32

theme is all about six ways to know

2:34

if you're compatible with someone and

2:37

four steps to build real

2:39

connection. Now,

2:42

people have talked about this for a long time that

2:45

a lot of the time we look for chemistry,

2:48

but we forget to look for compatibility.

2:51

And I think when we think about a healthy

2:54

relationship, we think

2:56

about compatibility as

2:59

an idea, but often

3:01

we confuse it with chemistry.

3:03

I'll give an example. I was speaking

3:07

to someone recently who's

3:09

a landscape designer, and he

3:12

was explaining to me that some

3:14

people want to plant trees

3:17

in certain countries or

3:19

cities or towns where

3:22

it's not favorable for those trees

3:24

to grow. So while

3:26

there's chemistry I an attraction

3:30

for that person to that tree or

3:32

that plant or that flower, that

3:35

plant or that tree or that flower

3:38

would not flourish in that

3:40

area. It would actually struggle,

3:42

which is a compatibility issue.

3:46

Now, when I heard that, I

3:48

just thought of relationships. I was thinking, how often

3:50

is it that you meet someone that you

3:52

have so much chemistry with but

3:55

very little compatibility with? There's

3:57

an attraction, there's a spark, there's

4:00

a genuine interest, but

4:02

your habits don't align, your values

4:04

don't align. You don't have that respect,

4:07

you don't have the skills and the tools

4:09

to deal with each other's differences. And

4:12

then at the same time, you mean the opposite. There's no

4:14

chemistry, but there's lots of compatibility,

4:17

and that doesn't work either. I want

4:19

us to recognize the importance of compatibility.

4:22

I think we understand chemistry

4:24

to be the spark, the attraction. But

4:27

one of the things I find is that chemistry

4:31

is like lighting a match stick. You

4:33

light a match stick and then

4:36

the match stick burns and then it runs out. But

4:38

it was giving light and giving heat for as long

4:40

as it lasted. But compatibility,

4:43

it's like lighting a candle. When

4:46

you light it, it burns slower,

4:49

it gives off a beautiful fragrance and scent.

4:52

It lasts far longer, and

4:54

it's a beautiful experience.

4:57

The match has that spark, it has that instant

5:00

feeling, but it doesn't last

5:02

as long. Now I want to talk

5:04

about what compatibility is, but

5:07

I also want to talk about what compatibility

5:09

isn't because I think we throw

5:11

these words around a lot, and I think these

5:13

words are rarely really broken down

5:16

and made easy to understand.

5:19

So compatibility does

5:22

not mean the same personality.

5:25

Let me say that again, compatibility

5:28

does not mean the same

5:31

personality. I think we think of people

5:33

who are compatible is like, we like the same

5:35

things. We like the same food,

5:38

we like the same movies, we like to

5:40

do the same things. I

5:42

find that this is a very narrow

5:45

limited view of what compatibility

5:48

is. The challenge is that

5:50

you could love the same movies

5:53

as someone, the same food as someone, the same

5:55

music as someone, but you

5:57

may not have the same relationship

6:00

ship abilities, or skills

6:02

or tools to help things move along.

6:05

I'll give an example. I remember

6:07

dating someone, one of my exes, who

6:10

we had this We had a lot in common,

6:13

right, We had a lot in common, we liked doing the same things.

6:15

Without time, we've really enjoyed each

6:17

other's company. Right, personality wise,

6:20

it was a really great fit. But what

6:22

I realized is that we had

6:24

massively different expectations

6:27

and input in a relationship.

6:31

For example, every time I asked

6:33

for a favor where she may have to go out of her

6:35

way, she didn't feel

6:38

like she wanted to do that ever, And

6:41

every time she asked me for a favor,

6:43

she expected me to be fully

6:45

available. Now, even though we

6:47

liked the same movies and we like the same music, and

6:50

we liked the same food, that

6:52

didn't change the fact that our culture

6:55

and value was different. I'm not saying that

6:57

she should have been bending over backwards or

7:00

working things out. What I'm saying is that

7:03

that is far more of an

7:05

inherent factor that

7:08

negatively impacts a positive relationship

7:10

and a healthy relationship, as opposed

7:12

to the fact that we like the same things.

7:15

And so I think often people are dating someone, they're

7:17

like, well, we're so different. Where

7:19

you've heard that before? We're so different,

7:22

Like, how is this going to work? And

7:24

what I've realized is that the difference

7:27

isn't what leads to distance.

7:29

And I'll talk about that in a second, but

7:31

I just wanted to clarify compatibility

7:34

does not mean the same personality

7:37

or having the same interests. A lot

7:39

of people want their partner to

7:42

have the exact interest they do. They're

7:44

like, well, I'm an entrepreneur, they should love business

7:47

too, right, I'm into philosophy.

7:49

They should love deep intellectual conversations

7:52

too. I like reading. They should

7:54

love reading too, And I'm like,

7:56

you're not trying to be with yourself,

8:00

right, You're not trying to date your

8:02

identical self. That's not the

8:04

goal of a relationship. If you find that it

8:06

works, that's awesome, But you have to realize

8:08

that those are not the traits, those

8:11

are not the qualities that make this healthy relationship.

8:14

I know countless couples who can have the

8:16

most beautiful philosophical discussions,

8:19

but they can't solve the practical issues

8:21

at home. I know plenty of couples

8:25

who can build huge businesses

8:27

together and grow huge

8:29

empires together, but they're not

8:31

growing their relationship. They feel uncomfortable

8:34

within. Right, Just think about that for

8:36

a second. That you've got this stark

8:39

contrast where it's like, when did a relationship

8:41

become about entrepreneurship? When

8:43

did the relationship become about a business

8:46

partnership. It's a different

8:48

connection. You may not build an

8:50

empire with your partner, You may not build

8:53

a garden with your partner. You may not have

8:55

intellectual conversations with your partner, because

8:59

that may not be what they provide you

9:01

with. And I find that when

9:04

we don't have our network, our

9:06

community, our friends that provides

9:09

us with some of our likes and dislikes.

9:11

We place all that pressure onto

9:14

our partners. Right, this always

9:16

happens. Compatibility does not mean

9:18

having the same personality. The second thing is

9:21

compatibility does not mean it's

9:24

easy to get along. We

9:26

think compatibility means everything's easy,

9:28

everything must work, everything just flows. And

9:31

I would say that that's more an experience

9:33

of chemistry, whereas compatibility

9:36

requires and I'll talk about this in

9:38

depth in a second, but compatibility

9:41

requires that deeper understanding

9:43

and knowledge, which often requires

9:45

discomfort. Right, Compatibility

9:48

requires discomfort. Chemistry is

9:50

comfortable. Compatibility is

9:53

uncomfortable. Compatibility

9:55

takes a moment to get under the

9:57

roots, to get into the deepness, the dark,

10:00

the chaos, to see

10:02

if we can build strong foundations. Right,

10:05

if I want to put up a little tent, I

10:08

can put up a tent anywhere. I don't have to check the foundations.

10:11

I don't have to check the roots underneath it, I don't

10:13

have to check the soil. I can pretty much put a tent

10:15

anywhere I feel like it. But a tent isn't

10:18

a permanent residence. A permanent

10:20

residence, however, if you want to build that, if you want

10:22

to build something long lasting and stable

10:25

and secure. You got to excavate

10:28

the ground. You've got to look at the foundations. You got to

10:30

look at trees and the roots under the ground. You've

10:32

got to look at the soil quality. You've

10:34

got to look at all of these things. And so compatibility

10:37

requires discomfort, right,

10:39

Compatibility requires discomfort,

10:42

It requires unearthing, it requires

10:44

excavating. These are not easy

10:46

things to do. And so when people say, well,

10:48

if you love someone and if you're compatible

10:51

with them, it should just flow. That

10:54

may be the case initially, but

10:56

it isn't the case forever.

11:00

It can be that way in the beginning, but it doesn't

11:02

mean it's going to last that way.

11:04

So those are

11:06

the first two things. And the third thing that compatibility

11:09

is not is that compatibility

11:12

does not require changing someone

11:14

else. I was speaking to someone recently

11:16

and they were like, well, you

11:19

know, I think my partner

11:21

that I want to be with, I think he needs

11:23

to work harder. I think he needs to get a better job.

11:26

I think he needs to make more money

11:28

to make himself right for me.

11:31

And I'm like, well, then you don't love that person.

11:33

You love their potential. You love the idea of

11:35

who they could be, like these are very different

11:38

things, and so compatibility

11:40

you have to be very careful. Compatibility

11:42

does not mean changing someone else

11:45

right. Compatibility does not mean that if

11:47

they adapt, if they change,

11:50

then we can get along and

11:52

then things will work out. So

11:54

I think people think We often

11:56

think compatibility is having the same personality.

11:59

We often think compatibility is

12:01

that it's easy, and we often think that

12:03

compatibility is that someone

12:05

will change. And I would say that all

12:08

of those are not compatibility. The

12:10

reason where those ideas come from

12:13

is most of us believe that the way we were

12:15

raised was spot on. We

12:17

believe that the way we were raised, the way

12:20

we were brought up, is

12:22

the right way to do things. Imagine

12:25

that what you've done up until now

12:27

in your life is like building a home. You've

12:29

built a home full of your

12:32

ideas, and when you get into a

12:34

relationship, you want someone to come and live in your

12:36

house, like your metaphorical house,

12:38

in terms of your mind's house. You're saying, come

12:40

and live in my house. And

12:43

what that means is, come and live with my ideas,

12:45

come and live with my ideologies, come

12:47

and live with my philosophies, come

12:49

and live with my values. And

12:52

then the other person saying no, no, no,

12:54

Come and live in my house, Come

12:56

and live with my ideas, come and live with my

12:58

thoughts, come and live with my value.

13:00

And so what we realize in most relationships

13:03

is that it's not about having the same

13:05

likes. It's that we're trying to get people to live

13:07

in the same way. When

13:09

a relationship is actually about building

13:12

a new house together,

13:14

it's about taking bricks that

13:17

you love from your house to build

13:19

this new house and leaving some bricks

13:21

behind because they no longer

13:23

serve and support this new home. Notice

13:26

how different that is from saying, hey, come live

13:28

in my house, or my bricks are the right ones.

13:31

One of the things that made Radie and me compatible,

13:34

I'm giving you an example, is

13:36

that Radi and I were

13:38

both able to forgive

13:41

and move on when it came

13:43

to everyday things. We would

13:45

potentially have a disagreement, we

13:48

would talk about it, we would both sleep,

13:50

we'd wake up the next day, and we'd turn a

13:52

new page. We both share disability.

13:55

I've had disability for a long time, and I've

13:57

not always been with people that have had that. I've

13:59

had relationships where I've talked

14:02

about it, I've apologized, I

14:04

thought everything was fine, and then the next day and

14:06

the next day and the next day and the next week, the person

14:08

is still upset about something

14:11

that we thought was resolved.

14:13

Now that doesn't make that person bad and make me good,

14:15

or it doesn't make me bad and them good. What it just means

14:17

is that we were incompatible because

14:20

we didn't have the same style. And

14:22

I'm not saying the same style, but we didn't have a

14:24

similar approach to dealing

14:27

with challenges, and that made us harder

14:29

to be compatible. So here are the four

14:32

steps to build real connection as

14:34

I walk into the six things to think

14:36

about when it comes to compatibility. If

14:39

you want to be compatible, these are

14:41

the four steps you have to take or whether you want

14:43

to know you're compatible with someone. So

14:45

the first thing to know whether you're compatible with someone

14:48

is an acronym called rare

14:50

R a R. And the reason why I chose

14:53

the word rare is because it's rare

14:55

to be compatible with someone, right,

14:57

it's rare to be compatible with someone. You

14:59

can have chemistry with a lot of people. Compatibility

15:03

is much more unique because

15:05

chemistry is that attraction that spark. Potentially,

15:08

you could feel that every month, you could feel

15:10

that every year for someone else. It could shift

15:12

quickly, you could move fast. But like

15:14

we said, compatibility is stronger and long

15:17

lasting. So the

15:19

first R R R. The first

15:21

R is recognize differences. If you want

15:23

to be compatible with someone, know

15:26

where you're different. Often when

15:29

we meet someone, we look for all the similarities.

15:31

That's fine, but we don't look for the differences.

15:34

Know where that person

15:38

is different. So I'll give an example.

15:41

I'm timely and organized, rather

15:43

is more spontaneous. Notice

15:45

I'm being also very careful about my language.

15:48

Often we say things like I'm organized,

15:50

they're unorganized, And what

15:52

we're basically saying is I'm smarter

15:55

and better for being organized. That person

15:57

is weaker and worse for being unorganized.

15:59

And realized this actually it's a different

16:01

energy. I'm organized, but Radi is spontaneous,

16:04

and that's a beautiful positive strength in

16:07

and of itself. So recognize

16:09

differences. So that's one of mine

16:11

and Raddy's. Another one of mine and Radis

16:14

is I am highly focused,

16:17

driven by goals, and Radi

16:19

is driven by her feelings. She's driven

16:21

by how she wants to

16:24

live or carry herself that day

16:26

with very different people. I am

16:28

more naturally, I consider myself an introvert,

16:31

but I can be more extroverted,

16:33

so I'm more of an ambiver. Radi

16:36

is extroverted with people she knows well, but

16:38

she's introverted people she doesn't know well.

16:41

Now I notice all these differences, right,

16:44

Radi and I are very different, so

16:46

I have to recognize these differences

16:48

if I want to create compatibility

16:51

with someone. If you want to create compatibility

16:53

with someone, you don't only need to

16:55

know the similarities. You need to

16:57

notice the differences. If you don't

17:00

notice the differences, you don't get an opportunity

17:02

to develop compatibility. We've

17:05

been getting so many amazing reviews for The Daily

17:07

Jay, my new daily guided meditation

17:10

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17:12

heard a couple of snippets on the podcast for a few

17:14

weeks, so in case you haven't had the chance to check

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17:20

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17:41

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The second thing you need to look at after being

18:57

recognized in their differences, you need an

19:00

awareness of their

19:02

stance. Why are they that way?

19:05

Where did that come from? Where

19:08

is their ideology? Often we

19:10

just assume that that's their weakness or that's

19:12

their strength. We don't realize where that came

19:14

from for them. Right, Where

19:16

did that come from for them? How did they

19:19

create that? How did they do that for

19:21

me? Becoming aware of

19:23

someone's stance and how

19:26

they are that way is a

19:28

really special aspect of learning

19:30

and creating compatibility. Compatibility

19:32

means I know why I am the way I

19:35

am, and I know why my partner

19:37

is the way they are. So for example,

19:39

when I look at my life, I started

19:42

working when I was fourteen years

19:44

old. I've always worked.

19:47

I've pretty much been independent for

19:49

my adult life. But even since fourteen, I

19:52

paid for my own phone bill, my

19:54

degree, I took a student

19:57

loan as well, but I paid

19:59

my way to life from fourteen, for my car,

20:01

my car insurance. These were very

20:03

normal parts of my life. Now, I know

20:05

other people who didn't start working till they

20:08

graduate from college at twenty one. I

20:10

know people who started working before me because they

20:12

dropped out of school. So what I'm

20:14

saying is that learning that.

20:16

So now when I look at my life today and I love working,

20:18

I love my purpose, I love creating, I

20:21

love doing all of this, it

20:23

comes from that conditioning and I'm

20:25

happy with that conditioning. So

20:27

if today Radie saw

20:30

me and said, why are you so committed to work?

20:32

Why are you so committed to your purpose? Why

20:34

are you so dedicated to that? It would

20:36

create a challenge because

20:39

she's not understanding where it comes from.

20:41

For me. I also she knows this,

20:43

and this is why Raley supports me so much and I'm

20:45

so grateful for it is she

20:47

knows that the work I'm doing comes from

20:50

such a deep place of gratitude.

20:53

I've been saying this frequently

20:56

when I get stopped or a bump into some of

20:58

you, or I meet someone in the street to run

21:00

an event or whatever it may be, and people always say,

21:02

like you know, does it get you frustrating

21:05

sometimes that you're stopping and I say, well, I

21:07

remember doing this when no one

21:09

turned up. I remember doing this when five

21:11

people showed up. So now that I

21:13

live in a world where I'm so grateful to have millions

21:15

and billions of you that are connected with my work,

21:18

I don't take that for granted now

21:20

because Rady understands the ideology and

21:22

I understand that myself, so I can express it

21:25

to her. When she's aware of

21:27

that. It makes us more compatible

21:29

because she understands why

21:32

I make the choices I'm making. Compatibility

21:35

requires that you have an awareness

21:37

of why someone makes the

21:40

choices they're making. And

21:43

so often we have no idea

21:45

why our partner does what they do, or

21:47

we have no idea why someone new does what they do because

21:50

we've never asked them and maybe

21:52

they've not thought about it. That I promise you

21:54

if you ask them, they will think about

21:56

it. And if they don't think about it, then you'll

21:58

say, well, if someone doesn't think about my questions, are we

22:00

compatible? Right? The

22:02

third steps are a recognize differences,

22:04

awareness of their stance, or awareness of

22:06

their why. The third is respect

22:09

their approach Compatibility

22:12

means you can respect their

22:14

approach. Now, I'm not forcing

22:17

you to respect their approach. I'll

22:19

give an example. If I met someone

22:22

who if I recognize the differences.

22:24

So let's say their difference was they

22:27

were rude or dismissive

22:30

of family. The

22:32

reason they were that way is because their family

22:34

treated them badly. Could

22:36

I respect that approach to be

22:38

in a deep relationship with this person, No, unless

22:41

that person was aware of it and trying to change.

22:44

So I'm not forcing you to respect someone's approach,

22:46

but I'm saying that that's what compatibility is.

22:48

Compatibility isn't how can I redesign

22:51

and redefine this person? It's

22:53

about how can I respect them? How

22:56

can I respect that they have chosen to be that way,

22:58

They're happy to be that way, They're good being that way,

23:00

and they don't need to become someone else

23:03

in order for me to love them. And chemistry

23:06

often leads us to not only believe

23:09

someone can be whatever we want them to be, but

23:11

chemistry also makes us believe that they should

23:14

become in order to be worthy

23:16

of our love. And the e in

23:19

rare is

23:21

express your feelings without

23:25

feeling judged. Compatibility

23:27

is a space where you can express your

23:30

feelings without feeling judged. Now, this takes time.

23:32

This takes time to build. It is not easy

23:35

to build. It's not quick to build. It's

23:37

something that we have to educate. And what I find

23:39

is we often walk into relationships and we expect

23:41

people to have these skills. Recognizing

23:44

differences is a skill. Being

23:46

aware of someone's why takes

23:48

time and is a skill. Respecting

23:51

someone's approach is time and

23:53

skill. Expressing your feelings without feeling

23:55

judged is time and skill. For example, when I

23:57

first met RADI definitely we both

23:59

judge each other. We fully judged

24:02

each other when we expressed ourselves, we

24:04

didn't respect each other's approach. And

24:06

slowly through time, I

24:09

was guiding the relationship and

24:11

saying, look, this is our viewpoints.

24:13

Can you respect mine if I respect you? As

24:15

that was the language, The language

24:18

wasn't a demand. The

24:20

language was a direction. Right,

24:22

Often we demand and say love me, like me,

24:25

respect me, value me, whereas

24:28

a healthy relationship is when we can say, do we

24:31

want to walk in this direction together? Are

24:33

you able to recognize my differences?

24:36

Are you able to be aware of how I think

24:38

and why I think that way? Are you able

24:40

to respect that and are

24:42

you able to let me express myself without

24:44

feeling judge? Can we do this daily?

24:47

Can we get better at it? Can we move in

24:49

that direction together? That's

24:52

the question you want to ask In a relationship. We

24:55

often ask do you want to be with me? It's a decision

24:57

question. The real question

24:59

is are we willing to do the work

25:01

to be together. It's a

25:03

direction question. Move away

25:06

from a decision question to a direction

25:08

question. We get so lost

25:11

in that rhetoric of

25:13

are we right for each other? The question

25:16

is do we want to make it right for each other?

25:18

Do we want to be right for each other. It's

25:21

not like there's two pieces that just fit.

25:24

It's about finding two pieces

25:27

that are made to fit right.

25:30

It's not that there's a piece out there that's the

25:32

perfect puzzle piece that just slots in

25:34

with you. I think we think of that's that chemistry

25:36

thinking right, that's that chemistry,

25:39

thinking that there's a piece out there that just fits

25:41

with you, and compatibility thinking

25:43

is going, well, I'm going to actually find two pieces

25:46

and there's going to be a bit of molding, there's going to be a bit

25:48

of shifting, there's going to be a bit of understanding.

25:51

But finally it's going to fit right,

25:53

and it may not even fit perfectly, and that's okay.

25:55

I think that's the other part where it's like it's

25:57

going to be a perfect fit. There is

26:00

no perfect fit. So rare remember

26:02

that recognize differences, awareness

26:04

of their why, respect their approach,

26:07

and learn to express your feelings without

26:09

being judged. Now,

26:11

I want to share these six

26:13

areas of compatibility and some of the challenges

26:16

that come up with this. And this is from the

26:19

Vedic understanding of what is

26:21

known as the six opulences. These

26:23

are considered the six things that we all pursue

26:25

in life, or the six things that people take

26:28

very seriously, and each of

26:30

these creates a challenge or

26:32

a depth of complexity. So these

26:34

six let's go through them one by

26:36

one. The first one is

26:39

wealth financial compatibility.

26:42

Wealth compatibility right

26:45

to have wealth compatibility. It does not

26:47

mean you have the same views

26:51

about money or

26:53

the same views about finances.

26:56

And I'll give you an example. Me and

26:58

Rady grew up in different homes.

27:00

We grew up with different backgrounds, We grew up with different

27:03

socioeconomic backgrounds, and

27:05

in my home, there were certain things that were

27:07

prioritized when money was always spent.

27:10

Money was always spent abundantly on food.

27:12

Same with Radi. My parents always believe, never

27:14

sacrifice your health. Same with Radi.

27:17

Now as I've grown older, some of

27:19

my values of change where I think there are other areas

27:21

of health that that includes. Now

27:24

my wife doesn't have to agree with that, she

27:27

doesn't have to be aligned with that, but

27:29

she has to be okay with me wanting to

27:31

invest in that. There has to be a sense of

27:33

support and understanding

27:35

of other people. So when you're thinking about financial

27:38

compatibility, the question isn't do

27:40

we agree on how we spend our money.

27:42

It's do we understand why

27:44

each of us thinks about

27:47

money in this way and what is the

27:49

solution we want to create together for

27:51

our relationship. We have to realize that

27:53

we are now creating together. The

27:56

next one is beauty. There needs to

27:58

be a healthy attraction to the

28:00

person you're with. Of course, attraction is

28:02

a part of compatibility physical compatibility,

28:06

but there has to also be a healthy attraction

28:08

to oneself. Otherwise

28:10

you feel your partners out of your league and

28:12

that creates incompatibility. So physical

28:15

incompatibility isn't that someone's

28:17

better looking than the other person or someone gets

28:19

more attention. It's if you're

28:21

together, how do you

28:23

feel about yourself?

28:26

If you feel insecure about yourself,

28:28

you will create incompatibility in

28:30

that relationship. Right. I know

28:32

someone who she

28:35

feels that the guy she's with is

28:37

so out of her league that she's

28:39

always saying that to him. Which,

28:42

what do you think that does? It makes them

28:44

physically incompatible because

28:46

he's constantly reminded of that. He keeps having

28:48

to remind it that he's not and that he is

28:50

attracted to and that she's beautiful

28:52

and all the rest of it. But that

28:54

it doesn't end up working because the insecurity

28:57

creats incompatibility. The

28:59

third air compatibility is power. Now,

29:03

power dynamics and a relationship are

29:05

interesting, and knowing what your partner is good

29:07

at and letting them lead is

29:10

how you disseminate

29:12

power in a relationship. So do we

29:14

have a power compatibility? Often

29:17

what happens in power compatibility is the loudest,

29:19

most extraversted, strongest partner takes

29:21

over and dominates a relationship. A

29:24

healthy power to dynamic in a relationship

29:26

is knowing which partner

29:29

is good at what and letting them lead on those

29:31

areas. Now, I've got three more

29:33

areas of compatibility I want to discuss with

29:35

you. Fame, compatibility

29:38

in public perception. This is

29:40

so much more interesting

29:43

today in the world of social media, because

29:46

our relationship compatibility

29:49

is constantly being questioned and looked at by

29:51

our friends, our family, and other people. A

29:54

relationship becomes more compatible when

29:58

in public give each

30:00

other the spotlight, and

30:02

in private we

30:05

genuinely appreciate but give

30:07

each other growth feedback. So

30:10

what often happens in relationships

30:12

is people will criticize or

30:14

joke or potentially even be condescending

30:17

about their partner in public, but

30:19

in private, but I always tell you how much I like you.

30:21

But that makes someone feel uncomfortable. Now,

30:23

I'm not also saying putting your partner on stage and

30:25

making them give a speech, because they may not be comfortable

30:28

with that. But understanding

30:30

whether you're compatible by how you

30:32

behave How does your partner want to be

30:34

appreciated, How does your partner

30:36

want to be acknowledged? That

30:38

is a really important part of compatibility.

30:41

Now, this one's an interesting one. Renunciation

30:43

is considered an opulence. People who are detached

30:45

monks have high renunciation and

30:48

this renunciation compatibility

30:50

in a relationship is letting your partner

30:53

grow at their own pace,

30:55

right, not forcing them to grow. That's

30:57

compatibility. Compare abilities,

31:00

encouragement, support,

31:02

guidance, love, affection, but

31:05

not force. That's what creates

31:07

compatibility, and finally, knowledge

31:10

compatibility. We're compatible

31:12

with someone if we're trying to learn new things with each other,

31:14

so we're compatible financially if we simply

31:17

learn to understand and create

31:19

a new plan together, not

31:22

forcing our own plan on the other person.

31:24

We're compatible physically if

31:27

we're not insecure about our own self and we

31:29

focus on that to create a

31:31

healthy relationship with someone. We will

31:33

be compatible in power and influence

31:36

if we learn our strengths and weaknesses and

31:38

let our partner leads sometimes and we

31:40

lead sometimes. Will be compatible

31:42

in fame and external places

31:45

and people when we learn

31:47

how our partner wants to receive appreciation.

31:52

Will be compatible in renunciation. When

31:54

we're detached from our

31:56

partner's path, we realize their path

31:58

is different to ours, and we're

32:00

compatible in knowledge in mind when

32:03

we think about learning new things together

32:06

or learning separately and sharing

32:08

our learnings. I

32:11

really hope there's shifts and transforms the

32:13

way you think about compatibility, and

32:16

I am so grateful that

32:18

I have to focus on creating

32:21

these new episodes for you every week, because this is one

32:23

of those ones that's really made a big

32:25

shift in my mind. I hope

32:27

that you take away some of those try and put into

32:29

practice. And I couldn't

32:31

be more thankful for your ears, your

32:34

time, your presence, and I promise

32:36

you on purpose is just getting better and

32:38

better. We're only just getting started. There

32:40

are so many wonderful, wonderful

32:42

things happening in our space and I'm

32:45

so so pumped. Thank

32:47

you so much for listening today, Thank you for all

32:49

the birthday wishes. I am so

32:51

so grateful, and I can't

32:53

wait to see you when I come on to our next year.

32:55

I cannot wait. And if you haven't already ordered

32:58

Eight Rules for Love, please pre order the book because

33:00

it's going to be a game changer. Thank you so

33:02

much. I'll see soon. H