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Optimal Living Daily. This

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is Optimal Finance Daily, episode

1:13

2693. How do I get

1:15

my spouse to go along with my frugal plans?

1:18

By Jacob Lund Fisker

1:20

of earlyretirementextreme.com. And

1:22

I'm your host and personal finance enthusiast,

1:25

Diana Merriam. Now let's get

1:27

right to it and continue optimizing your life.

1:33

How do I get my spouse to go along

1:36

with my frugal plans? By

1:38

Jacob Lund Fisker of

1:40

earlyretirementextreme.com. So

1:43

you've joined the ranks of enlightened people who

1:45

want to retire early, move to another country,

1:48

or redesign their lifestyle. And now you want

1:50

your spouse or partner to go along with

1:52

it. Not so fast. While

1:55

winning friends is easy, influencing people is

1:57

a lot harder, but it can be

1:59

done. I'm a little

2:01

dense when it comes to interpersonal understanding,

2:03

but I still have learned a thing or two. The

2:07

first and most important thing is that a person

2:09

sounds a whole lot smarter and more intelligent when

2:11

you agree with what the person is saying. If

2:14

you don't believe me, try to tune in to an election

2:16

debate. Candidates are very likely

2:18

equally intelligent, but do they sound that way

2:21

to you? Most

2:23

people listen to other people mainly to confirm

2:25

what they already know and be reaffirmed in

2:27

their beliefs. This is

2:30

not a very rational thing to do, but

2:32

most people are like that probably due to

2:34

humans being social animals. This

2:36

means that if you suggest something, which is

2:39

radically different from what they already know, they'll

2:41

think that you're ignorant and an outsider. If

2:44

you keep pushing, they'll think you're stupid, a

2:47

stupid person being an ignorant person who

2:49

refuses to change his ways. Therefore

2:52

only make it known that you possess

2:54

this information by talking about it once.

2:57

Let them come to you when they're ready. Most

3:00

people, and especially children, will follow your

3:02

example rather than your suggestions if they

3:04

follow at all. Children

3:06

will follow practically any example and believe anything

3:08

you tell them, so be careful there. But

3:12

adults are calcified already and usually

3:14

want to follow their own example

3:16

rather than your example unless it

3:18

becomes massively clear that your way

3:20

is better. In other

3:22

words, you must be able to demonstrate a

3:24

clear difference between your way and their way.

3:27

This means you have to build up

3:29

a visible difference to show that there's

3:31

an alternative and build credibility. Once

3:34

your spouse is ready, he or she will

3:36

generally come around very quickly. For

3:38

instance, you may build up a savings

3:41

account or what people with bills, job

3:43

dependents, and other liabilities call an emergency

3:45

fund. If your spouse is

3:47

already familiar with the concept, start

3:50

talking about how your emergency fund will support

3:52

you for five years and that you're thinking

3:54

about switching careers or taking a long hiatus.

4:00

category altogether. It's

4:02

quantitatively different because it gives you

4:04

many more opportunities. A

4:07

normal six-month fund is only designed to pay your bills

4:09

while you go and look for another job because you

4:11

just got fired, or carry you

4:13

over a while on an extended sick leave.

4:16

Those who focus solely on those problems

4:18

will have a hard time wrapping their

4:21

head around the larger timeframe and the

4:23

additional possibilities. However, if

4:25

your spouse's emergency fund is only the

4:28

standard six months, but she's

4:30

beginning to think that her current life path

4:32

sucks, she'll most likely start saving

4:34

more so that she'll have the same options

4:36

as you. If your

4:38

accounts are joint, say you'd prefer to

4:40

save the money whenever she proposes an

4:42

expense. Just suggest that you

4:44

split some money into his and hers if

4:46

she wants to buy something, fine, but you

4:48

reserve the same amount of money for savings.

4:51

After a while you can start talking about the interest

4:54

you're earning. One thing that

4:56

tends to get people going is when I

4:58

talk about how the money my savings generate

5:00

on average correspond to a full-time job in

5:02

Walmart and how that essentially means that the

5:04

person is working for me. I can

5:07

put this in really snarky terms too,

5:09

using terms like mortgage and credit and

5:11

it seems to get people thinking. If

5:14

you want your spouse to adopt some change, another

5:16

thing to try is to find something they're familiar

5:19

with. For instance, DW

5:21

could not see herself living in a

5:23

tumbly house, my original plan. So I

5:26

started talking about boats. Then

5:28

someone suggested RVs. Now

5:30

unlike me, DW had actually been

5:33

in an RV and lived in a

5:35

mobile home park at some point, so

5:37

she was familiar with those and was

5:39

much less resistant to this idea. Had

5:41

she not been, I guess one way would

5:43

have been to start camping and make the

5:45

trip longer and longer, after which I would

5:47

combine this with the suggestion that if we

5:50

started camping full-time we could cut our budget

5:52

in half. In summary,

5:54

the sneaky way to go about things if you

5:56

want to persuade someone is To change your environment

5:58

to make your ideas seem more. We spent little.

6:01

Such. As try acquiring a majority of

6:03

your stuff through swapping are free

6:05

cycling. This. Night Make your spouse

6:07

reconsider the idea of paying for things, especially

6:10

when he or she sees the on the

6:12

loops arriving by mail. Or you pick up

6:14

a leather jacket. Well, you probably announce that

6:16

you didn't pay for this. Either

6:18

way, guys, I have not bought anything for

6:20

me personally for several months now. But.

6:22

I've barter more than ten things the

6:24

way, probably closer to twenty. Give.

6:27

Furniture Use and make this the normal

6:29

way for you. Mention. That

6:31

this month your expenses were completely covered

6:33

by income from your investment accounts. Cook.

6:36

Meals it only costs a dollar but

6:38

taste the same as Tender Wheels. Later.

6:40

You can start talking about how you don't need to work.

6:43

Anymore because you have enough savings.

6:45

Retire. None. Of this

6:47

guarantee success. But. Maybe just maybe

6:49

someday your spouse will have a problem that

6:51

is best solved with one of you solutions.

6:53

and then you'll be right there. You.

7:00

Just listen to the post titled how do I

7:02

get my spouse to go along with my frugal

7:04

plans? Or. Jacob Pullen sister of

7:06

Early Retirement extreme.com and I'll be

7:08

right there with my commentary. Have

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your extended 30 day free trial. While

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it has a negative connotation, it may

8:25

conjure up an image of a miserable

8:27

penny pincher. I think

8:29

self-imposed frugality has a different flavor

8:31

to it. When you're forced

8:33

to be frugal because you've maxed out your credit

8:35

cards and simply don't have the funds to make

8:37

ends meet, I can see how that would feel

8:39

like deprivation. But I think when

8:42

you willingly experiment with frugality and use it

8:44

as a way to test your assumptions about

8:46

what you need and don't need, it can

8:48

be a very freeing experience. The

8:51

key here is choice. Experiment with

8:53

frugality on your own terms. And

8:56

you're more likely to not find yourself in a

8:58

position where it's forced on you. I

9:00

also think reframing the concept can change your

9:03

relationship to it. So rather than thinking of

9:05

myself as frugal, I like to think

9:07

of myself as resourceful. Navigating

9:10

this mindset shift around frugality and

9:12

saving money with a partner can

9:14

be a really bonding experience. It

9:17

forces you to have deep discussions around

9:19

what you value and what you deem

9:21

important. But that should do

9:23

it for today. Have a happy rest of your day.

9:25

And I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.