0:00

That's. Interesting like you become so

0:02

accustomed to. Consuming.

0:05

Porn and like pleasure through a screen

0:07

that that. You. Actually, enjoy that

0:09

more than a partner physically in front of

0:11

you. Read my. Book

0:23

about other people's lives. I'm Joe Santa

0:25

Gotta, I'm Greg Dyke. For anyone out

0:27

there there were like to be a

0:29

guest on our show. Don't hesitate to

0:31

reach out to us or emails Opium

0:33

podcast at G mail.com Yet today we're

0:35

speaking to a woman who reached out

0:37

and she's a twenty seven year old

0:39

female who has been addicted to porn

0:41

since she was thirteen, and she said

0:43

in her email that she wants to

0:46

share her story because anytime porn addiction

0:48

is talked about, it's typically in reference

0:50

to men. so she wants to talk

0:52

about the reality. Of what porn addiction does

0:54

to the mind of a female, especially when it

0:56

starts at a young age. So we've got to

0:58

guess on the line. Thank you so much for

1:00

being on today. Yeah. Hopefully we

1:02

her. Yeah, so I guess

1:05

let's start at age thirteen,

1:07

can you? Walk. Us through.

1:09

I guess her introduction to porn and the

1:11

sort of immediate effect that it had on

1:13

you at that age. Yeah

1:16

so I'm when I was

1:18

thirteen I have a birthday

1:20

gift received my first on

1:22

smart device and I'm always

1:24

downstairs one evening and I

1:27

just i got on the

1:29

family computer on just you

1:31

know browse the and remark

1:33

and when I opened up

1:35

the on web browser on

1:37

there was all a porn

1:40

site up on all had

1:42

never seen anything like that

1:44

before arm and it. Quite.

1:46

Honestly, Scared me right out. First. Oh

1:49

so I. I freaked

1:51

out like of my brother and they're

1:53

on a showdown when I asked what

1:56

it was on I'm he just works

1:58

top album my hands and. And

2:00

I'm a all that my

2:02

apparent. Oh and then that

2:05

night I wonder what? Too

2:07

bad, I realized that I

2:09

essentially had a computer on

2:11

my nightstand home And so

2:13

I remember the name of

2:16

the website and decided to

2:18

search. And arrest is kind

2:20

of history. So. So

2:23

you like stumbled upon porn.

2:26

He asked. Okay so

2:28

your original reaction was to said the

2:30

laptop and gonna freak you out. What

2:32

about it Can is like brought you

2:34

back to it that night. He.

2:39

I saw. I guess I'm I

2:41

guess. just curiosity. I mean he

2:43

or thirteen, not kind of the

2:45

age that you can start thinking

2:47

about those types of things. I'm

2:49

and. I. Remember.

2:52

That. It looks. Intriguing. I'm

2:54

I didn't really spend too long

2:56

looking out the web page on

2:58

the computer by I'd still remember

3:00

like even though it freaked me

3:02

out if it wasn't like a

3:04

scary like oh my gosh I'm

3:06

gonna get in trouble. It was

3:09

more of our oh this is

3:11

scary and new by also intriguing.

3:14

Where you. Like familiar

3:16

with. The. Concept of sex and to

3:18

do have a basic understanding at that time

3:21

so you see sort of immediately. Knew.

3:23

What thorn was or was this? Almost

3:25

like an introduction to say no.

3:28

No, this was all brand

3:30

new. I had never been

3:33

given the quote on quote

3:35

Park On I pretty much

3:37

anything that I knew about

3:39

sex was like talked about

3:41

on on the back of

3:43

a bus or on Mtv.

3:45

Know this? This is where

3:47

I learned everything was when

3:49

I stumbled upon this website.

3:52

Yeah and obviously very impressionable

3:54

age mode assume. People. Have

3:56

similar stories you know being close in

3:58

age and having action do you know

4:00

whether to family computer when phones get

4:02

introduce with the internet's you know around

4:05

that age a lot of people start

4:07

discovering what point is so for you

4:09

what what was your relationship with it

4:11

After that first night we obviously know

4:13

what it's lead to up to this

4:16

point so can just talk a little

4:18

bit about where that addicts and maybe

4:20

started or when you realized that you

4:22

know you are very very interested in

4:24

it. And. So

4:27

on the first night it was that

4:29

kind of. Like like

4:31

us that I knew I knew pretty

4:33

much nothing about anything. and then I

4:35

go to this website and it's just

4:38

opened up this entire world of and

4:40

our i'm. I'm. Sure, Pretty

4:42

much everyone listening has. Worked

4:44

out a porn site at some point

4:47

so you know that he there's anything

4:49

and everything you could possibly search. so.

4:53

I guess where. The. Addiction kind

4:55

of started to develop was just fight

4:57

after I looked at it the first

4:59

time. My mind's just started popping up

5:01

all these different scenarios and I would

5:03

just wonder. I wonder if there's a

5:05

video of this. I wonder if there's

5:07

a video of that. And

5:10

I didn't realize for a

5:12

long time that it was

5:14

a problem until I finally

5:17

got old enough to start

5:19

dating and I realized how

5:21

much it had actually started

5:23

to affect me mentally. Can

5:26

you go into that a little more like Woody

5:28

Woody Mean by that it was affecting you mentally.

5:31

So. Whenever I

5:33

finally got old enough to start

5:36

dating, you know, like on especially

5:38

where I grew up in sight.

5:41

Is if you're female you're expected to

5:43

be you know kind of prim and

5:45

proper and and what not. but for

5:47

me like when I looked up boys

5:49

are one of them to desire me

5:51

sexually I did not care and say

5:53

i'm like my personality as they are

5:55

thought I was funny if they thought

5:58

I was pretty I just want then

6:00

followed up my body and desire me

6:02

enough way. So

6:04

it it really does suck. I'm

6:06

sorry to affects the relationships that

6:08

I was shooting and I mean

6:11

of the things that I was

6:13

wanting out of those relationships.really. Shouldn't

6:16

have been normal about Aids.

6:20

Okay, was there. A

6:22

fresher sexually because of the porn

6:24

that you're consuming of. You know,

6:26

a lot of things people run

6:28

into Unasur needs is that if

6:30

that's your first introduction, the sexy

6:33

think that's what sex is Or

6:35

these professional porn star set the

6:37

standard of sex and pleasure and

6:39

how people should be acting. You

6:41

know during intercourse is that something

6:43

that affected you? were you thought.

6:46

Your sex life had to mirror but you

6:48

were seeing on mine. Up?

6:51

Absolutely Yeah, I'm it

6:53

affected. Every single

6:55

aspect of it I'm aware behaved the things

6:57

that I i thought that I wouldn't do

6:59

that whenever a came down to out I

7:02

was like oh my god no I don't

7:04

I don't want anything to do with our

7:06

but then at that point I on our

7:08

to put myself in that situation. So

7:12

I call it the sick part of my

7:14

brain or the audits part of my brain

7:16

by it's Not part of my brain wouldn't

7:19

allow me to stalk. Okay,

7:22

and. You

7:24

know, at this time like how often we're

7:26

you? Consuming. Porn. I'm

7:30

up.point I would say up

7:32

minimal multiple times a week

7:35

as not daily. And.

7:37

Is I'm gonna assume like masturbating

7:39

as well. This isn't just like

7:41

consuming and exploring it. right?

7:44

Okay, and your thirteen at the time?

7:46

Still. Oh yeah,

7:48

I mean moving onto the ages?

7:51

But yes, that's when it started

7:53

getting not bad. So at what

7:55

age did. Were. you able

7:58

to put that type of language to

8:00

this, like addiction or like I'm consuming

8:02

this really frequently or now this is

8:05

a part of my everyday life. I

8:09

didn't actually commentate the

8:12

word addiction with it until

8:14

I was probably in my

8:17

mid 20s. Up

8:21

until that point, I really just thought

8:24

that I liked it a lot. But

8:28

whenever I started dating my spouse,

8:31

that's when I decided to try

8:33

and stop and that's when I

8:35

realized that it was a problem.

8:39

Did you ever have conversations with friends and

8:41

whatnot about porn and you had a realization

8:45

of like, oh, they either don't

8:47

watch it or they consume it way

8:49

less than I do? No,

8:52

I never talked to anyone about it.

8:55

The fact that I watched it, I would just

8:58

kind of in passing, you know, make

9:00

crude jokes and just

9:02

kind of like read their body language, I

9:04

guess. But I

9:06

never outwardly told anyone that I watched

9:08

it. No. Yeah,

9:11

it's interesting too, because, you know, when it comes

9:13

to porn addiction, and the

9:15

question we have for you, I think on

9:17

the surface, you kind of think, okay, this is

9:20

just a habit that is maybe like a compulsion.

9:22

They're taking up a lot of this person's time.

9:24

They have to get home. They have to watch

9:26

porn. They have to masturbate or they do it

9:28

multiple times a day. But it's interesting to hear

9:30

that even from a young age for

9:33

you, that addiction is yes, it's that time

9:35

consuming aspect of consuming it, but

9:37

it's how much it

9:39

just immediately seeps into your love life,

9:41

your sex life, or like you said,

9:43

even just how you're presenting yourself. So

9:45

it seems like even at a young

9:47

age, porn and

9:50

sex, like it just it almost became

9:52

an addiction in the sense that it,

9:55

I guess, spilled into all aspects of your life

9:57

of just like your identity and who you

9:59

are. I don't. I don't know if I'm

10:01

exaggerating that, but that's kind of. I'm gathering from what you said

10:03

so far. No, your own

10:05

hundred percent correct. I mean it affected

10:07

my son that humor it affected the

10:09

type I'm I'm an avid reader is

10:11

to a fight on the types of

10:13

books I was reading, the movies I

10:15

would watch. You

10:17

know any anything really? And I

10:19

mean we live in such as

10:22

such dominated world so it's easy

10:24

for it to run not deep

10:26

and it's easy to seek out

10:28

types of media. The

10:31

have all of that type of stuff

10:33

in it. But

10:35

yeah I definitely a hyper sexualized as you

10:37

out a young age interest and you're like

10:39

conjuring it up and like all forms of

10:42

kind. It's not just like logging onto a

10:44

porn website, it's like any type of entertainment

10:46

I want. To. Consume. I wanted

10:48

to have this sort of

10:51

underlying sexual element to it.

10:53

Yes, well. And

10:56

was there ever a time where you

10:58

started to realize like okay, I'm watching

11:00

porn a lot or I'm consuming, you

11:03

know, does? Sexual. Things a

11:05

lot across the board did you ever

11:07

tried to sort of address that are

11:09

talk to anyone about it. I'm.

11:12

I never told a soul.

11:15

Thought. I struggled with this until

11:17

last year. I'm I. Finally,

11:19

last year I got fed

11:22

up with it and I'm

11:24

really, really trying to stop

11:26

on. So I told my

11:28

spouse, I told I'm one

11:30

of my closest friends and

11:32

I told my therapist. And

11:36

then I actually last night met

11:38

with another individual that I trust

11:40

and opened up to them about

11:43

it. On the thing that I've

11:45

learned. About. Porn. Addiction is.

11:47

I mean it's like any addiction.

11:49

It thrives in secrecy. By the

11:52

difference between a porn addiction and

11:54

say an addiction to drugs or

11:56

alcohol is that. You can

11:58

see anyone walking down the. Hurry and you

12:00

would never know that they have a porn

12:02

addiction. I mean if you saw me walking

12:04

on the sure you would never and a

12:06

million years think that this is something I

12:09

struggle with. I'm so the longer I i

12:11

kept in a dark I'm. The

12:14

worst they got and I

12:16

have noticed a huge difference

12:18

since actually opening up and

12:20

talking about it. Now I'm

12:22

not giving it power anymore

12:24

over me. I'm kind of

12:26

trying to take back control

12:28

box. My. Who that

12:30

that's great to hear and thank

12:32

you for including us and that

12:34

journey. And you know, hopefully even

12:36

having this conversation with strangers helps.

12:39

But you mentioned. Considering. That

12:41

point where you are said up with it.

12:43

So what were you set up with Exactly

12:45

when it comes to the addiction. I'm

12:48

fed up with a

12:51

consuming my mind, consuming

12:53

my life. It's severely

12:55

affected my intimacy with

12:57

my spouse. I'm. So

13:00

I mean. When

13:03

watching porn, it's it's There's no

13:05

intimacy about it. It's dress. I.

13:07

Don't know if I can curse on

13:10

here, but it's just straight up fucking

13:12

presumably didn't stand alone. so it's. It's

13:15

so incredibly difficult to me

13:17

because I've never been able

13:19

to accommodate sex with was

13:22

armed and I'd I see

13:24

the effect my spouse erm

13:26

and arts. really? What? I

13:29

think what pushed me to that breaking

13:31

points which which kind of proper like

13:33

look kind of problems word the know

13:36

sort of a rising in your marriage

13:38

for your relationship with your spouse. I'm.

13:40

Prior. To opening up about this

13:42

where they're like underlying issues that. Maybe.

13:45

They brought up on. You

13:48

know, before you opened up. The. You

13:50

were like, oh I couldn't attributed to the point

13:52

edition. I'm

13:54

nothing was ever brought

13:57

up. To. Me.

13:59

but. My and I

14:01

just. I

14:04

notice that I would find

14:06

myself. I. Would rather

14:08

watch porn then be intimate

14:10

with my spouse. Does

14:14

It was more fun for me for

14:16

a know because on on a porn

14:18

website ear open to any world a

14:20

possibility of watching any scenario play out.

14:22

but when you're with an individual I'm

14:24

you're really kind of limited to what

14:27

they like you know, own? And.

14:29

Then it. It's.

14:32

It also affects like arousal which

14:34

sounds crazy, but you get to

14:37

a certain point where you cannot

14:39

be aroused unless it is on

14:42

a screen in front of your

14:44

face. And

14:46

I always thought that I was weird

14:49

for that. But I recently found a

14:51

Reddit forum about this and I was

14:53

reading a bunch of the differ postpone.

14:55

So many people have said the same

14:58

thing that's interesting, like you become so

15:00

accustomed to. Consuming.

15:03

Piran. And like pleasure do a

15:05

screen that that. You. Actually, enjoy

15:07

that more than a partner physically in front

15:09

of you. Rick. What

15:13

do you remember when you sort of

15:15

first brought this up to your spouse?

15:17

How that conversation when. Yeah,

15:20

so it was really surprising.

15:23

Actually, I'm. So

15:25

I came home and I just had

15:27

told them you know I I really

15:29

want to talk to you about this

15:32

to open up about this. Please

15:35

don't judge me. And

15:37

I just cannot spewed it all

15:39

out and make us look. The

15:41

man said i know and I

15:43

saw what he mean, you know

15:45

and they said i I've just

15:47

kind of picked up on it

15:49

over the years and I just

15:51

figured that you would open up

15:53

to me whenever you found it,

15:56

right? So. Who.

15:58

Would. you think the lines were I

16:02

think just any windows that I made,

16:04

comments that I made, questions

16:07

that I would ask. To be

16:11

honest, I don't know. I didn't ask because

16:14

I was like ugly crying at that point. Is

16:19

there any other ways that you're sort of

16:21

combating this other than, you know, kind of

16:23

opening up and telling people about it? Yeah,

16:27

so um, form

16:29

addiction really just causes

16:31

a lot of shame internally.

16:34

So like I said

16:36

in my email to you guys, it's always

16:39

talked about as a man's issue. So

16:41

from a female point of view, it's

16:44

like any

16:46

time I think about it, I think, oh my

16:48

gosh, I'm so gross because this

16:50

is something that I struggle with and no

16:52

other female on the planet struggles

16:54

with this. So

16:57

that's a big part of it. But what

16:59

I found crazy was when I opened up

17:01

to my therapist about it, she

17:03

had told me that seven out of

17:05

10 people who open up about porn

17:07

addiction to her are female. And it's

17:10

so not talked

17:12

about, which is why I'm

17:14

trying to do this. But yeah,

17:18

I mean, it really

17:21

interests us when

17:23

you first reached out. Is

17:25

that something that you

17:28

think made you keep it

17:30

a secret even longer, just being a woman and

17:33

kind of the fear of being judged as a woman

17:35

who has this addiction? Absolutely.

17:38

Yeah. Um, like

17:40

I said, I mean, you anytime I

17:42

would think about it, I would think

17:44

everyone I tell is going to judge

17:46

me. Everyone's going to think that I'm

17:48

so gross for struggling with this. But

17:51

what I have found is that the

17:53

four people who I've opened up to

17:55

about it so far, every Single one of

17:58

them, Their response has been, okay, how can I help? They

18:00

help you overcome this. I have never

18:02

once been met with disgust. I've never

18:04

been met with. You know, Shy

18:09

and or whatever. Which.

18:12

Is really, really helping me? I'm.

18:15

Be more vocal about what I

18:17

struggle with to like present day.

18:19

I know this is new where

18:21

you're coming out and and talking

18:23

about this more so how are

18:25

you sort of actively. Trying

18:27

to combat this on a day to day

18:30

is it's like okay, go cold turkey a

18:32

try to wean yourself off. What does that

18:34

process look like? Now

18:36

so I'm going cold turkey

18:38

actually makes it worse on

18:41

and my experience so. Something

18:44

that I have had to do is

18:46

as kennels. I don't wanna

18:48

say weaned myself off by lake, stop

18:50

watching videos and then eventually stop reading

18:53

books arm and then I've had to

18:55

from a day to day I really

18:57

have to be mindful about. I'm the

19:00

movies, I watch, the tv shows I

19:02

watch my guess at the books that

19:04

I read because pretty much any book

19:07

you read any as gonna have some

19:09

type of sexual content and it. I

19:13

also have found die. Eight

19:15

Really, I get triggered out of boredom.

19:17

so if I'm home by myself, I

19:20

cannot lay down, I cannot be idle,

19:22

I have to get up and go

19:24

on a walk or I usually I'll

19:27

clean my entire house and so my

19:29

spouse gets home because I know that

19:31

I'm gonna be less likely to watch

19:34

A or read it whenever my staff

19:36

at home. Who's in? where are you

19:38

like in this journey now? like do

19:40

have a good handle on it or

19:43

this is still in his new. Or.

19:47

Know it's It's so kind

19:49

of new. I'm trying to

19:51

get a handle on it,

19:53

but it's really difficult. Yeah,

19:55

no, I'm sure. Is.

19:58

Is. the ultimate goal for

20:00

porn addiction and I'm sure it's different for

20:02

everyone but it

20:05

like will porn can that still

20:07

be part of your

20:09

life like pleasuring yourself or watching

20:11

porn or is the eventual goal

20:13

to not consume it at all

20:15

because it would be too triggering?

20:19

I think for me it would be the latter. I have

20:23

learned throughout my life unfortunately

20:26

I learned this at 13 but I

20:28

have a very addictive personality which

20:31

is why I had to eventually I had

20:33

to stop drinking because I felt myself going

20:35

down a slippery slope and

20:38

you know just things of that nature so for

20:40

me it will be I cannot

20:42

ever watch it ever

20:44

again or I'll

20:47

just be triggered back into a spiral. And

20:49

also you mentioned something about like forums I think

20:52

earlier and like is that something that has

20:55

helped along in your journey? Like

20:58

the Reddit? Yeah so

21:02

that has helped a lot just

21:05

reading that there aren't other that there are

21:07

other people struggling just like I am but

21:10

then there are also you know different

21:13

apps and different avenues that

21:15

you can find

21:17

so there's an app called Covenant

21:20

Eyes which I've

21:22

heard is kind of controversial but and then

21:24

there's another app called Purity Browser and basically

21:27

what it is is you download the app on your

21:29

phone and you do have to pay I think a

21:31

monthly fee but you assign

21:34

a trusted individual and anytime

21:37

something pops up on your phone

21:39

that could be triggering they get

21:41

a notification about it and they

21:44

can reach out to you. Yeah

21:46

so there's I mean there's tons of things like

21:48

that I have not gotten to the point where

21:50

I am ready to fully

21:53

commit to something like that but

21:56

that's the goal by the end of

21:58

the year. Okay wow. Um,

22:01

how is there? Well,

22:03

I don't know. I don't know if you know the answer because it's so new, but

22:07

I would imagine it's tough. You're

22:10

ultimately trying to fight a porn addiction,

22:12

which understandably

22:15

the, you know, sort

22:17

of impossible standards that porn sets the screen

22:19

time of it all, but it's

22:21

still sex. And I imagine

22:24

you still have an act of sex

22:26

life with your partner. So

22:28

how do those two worlds meet?

22:30

Like, does that make

22:32

intimacy or sex

22:35

difficult or is there fear of

22:38

that becoming an addiction? I'm just, I don't

22:40

know. I don't know the answer to these,

22:42

but I'm curious how

22:44

you navigate that. Yeah. So

22:46

I've, I've never had a fear of

22:49

like actual sex becoming an addiction. Um,

22:52

it definitely does affect my sex

22:54

life with my spouse, um,

22:57

which is an ongoing struggle in and of

22:59

itself. And that's something that we're kind of

23:01

working through on our own. And

23:03

especially now that they are aware of what's

23:05

been going on in my life for half

23:08

of my life at this point, um,

23:10

it's made it easier to kind of work through those

23:12

things, but yeah, it,

23:14

it definitely does affect intimacy. But

23:16

no, I don't think that would

23:19

ever become an addiction. Interesting. So

23:21

like at this stage is, is

23:24

like sex like

23:27

a turn on for you or a turn off

23:29

or somewhere in between. Um, I

23:33

know neither. Okay.

23:36

It's just kind of static,

23:39

I guess, if that makes any sense. Interesting.

23:41

Yeah. And I'm only harping on that just

23:43

because it, again, like

23:45

that for porn addiction, like

23:47

how harmful that can be for,

23:49

you know, your real

23:51

life sex life with, you know, a

23:54

partner with anyone. Um, it's,

23:56

it's to see like the toll that that

23:59

actually has. And. in real life. So

24:05

I mean, moving

24:08

forward, I mean, you know, kind of what is

24:10

your approach to this? I mean, you

24:12

say that you're in therapy. And,

24:15

you know, do you have like a plan and you

24:17

kind of laid out with your therapist of, you

24:20

know, what are kind

24:22

of like the steps moving forward to eventually

24:24

sort of eradicate this from your routine? Yeah,

24:28

so the biggest thing right now is to

24:30

just, you know, continue to open up about

24:33

it, continue to talk

24:35

to people that I trust. And

24:38

then eventually, I will get to a point

24:40

where I'll find

24:43

someone that I'm comfortable having

24:46

on an app, a phone

24:50

monitoring app with me. And

24:54

then, you know, just limiting or putting

24:58

stops in place to where I cannot

25:00

access that type of media. So whether

25:02

it's, you know, getting rid of my

25:04

Kindle device, or setting

25:07

screen time limits on

25:09

my internet browsers, and, you know, things

25:12

like that, to where

25:14

I physically cannot access these

25:16

things. Yeah.

25:19

Wow. The last question I

25:21

have, just in general with porn addiction,

25:24

throughout this time, from,

25:27

you know, 13 to now, is

25:29

it something that has

25:32

affected like your job, or your

25:34

day to day, like career paths,

25:36

school, something like that? Or had

25:38

you been able to balance the

25:40

two? Um,

25:44

it's only affected my day

25:46

to day career path a

25:48

couple of times. And

25:50

I'll just get I'll get random triggers

25:52

throughout the day, whether

25:55

it's like a sound or, you

25:58

know, A sentence that's the says

26:00

that maybe I heard in a video one

26:02

time. or you know, just things like thoughts

26:04

I'm in. If that happens, it does sugar

26:07

me and then it. Makes me

26:09

want to just like go to the

26:11

bathroom or locker. It's not something you

26:13

would do. Some.

26:16

I have one times and then I

26:18

felt so guilty about it. I never

26:20

did it again. Yeah

26:23

yeah well we can think you know

26:25

Sure I'm just reaching out to us

26:27

in the first place. I think you

26:29

know to do is interesting to speak

26:31

to someone who just has you know

26:33

the awareness that you have feel for

26:36

in this case this this addiction but

26:38

years you know starting your journey. Essentially

26:40

you're using us as a platform that

26:42

you know I hope is cathartic for

26:44

you and helps you be able to

26:46

even open up to more people. Were

26:48

you know that you find comfort that

26:51

know people will be hearing your. Story

26:53

and that people who are in similar

26:55

positions as you will be hearing the

26:57

story and again just to see the

26:59

void in the narrative of you know

27:02

female porn addiction and you to to

27:04

on a shed light on that and

27:06

picking us as our platform. We really

27:08

really appreciate it. Yeah,

27:11

thank you so much for for having

27:13

this podcast. I've been watching it for

27:15

awhile and of just the amount of

27:17

people that you've been able to get

27:19

space to be honest and open is.

27:22

Really? Really powerful so I really appreciate what

27:24

you guys are doing in that you've given

27:27

me the opportunity to share. thank you so

27:29

much and any of the shows Nothing without

27:31

You know? People. Like you coming on

27:33

and. Opening up being

27:35

so honest so we appreciate you coming

27:37

on. and a good luck with everything

27:40

and a plunger there's your to. Thank.

27:43

You? yeah? good luck for were behind you

27:45

were ruined for you. And

27:47

you ever get on. But.

27:58

It's interesting to think about how many

28:00

people this might be happening to my

28:02

guessing Growing up I've also heard a

28:05

lot of my friends talk about like.

28:07

They. Richard of every day or like

28:09

in I like us probably with corn.

28:12

If. You know, there's not a lot

28:14

of people that I know that don't watch

28:17

porn at all. Ah, I. Saw another

28:19

thing for. So. Many people in

28:21

general, whether it's. A.

28:23

Porn addiction or not as me, you

28:25

know, maybe doesn't get to that point.

28:28

but there's. No way.

28:30

As a generation. Growing.

28:32

Up with that access and the

28:34

internet, that's it has an overall

28:36

affected. Intimacy. Sex Life. Hundred

28:39

per view. The Standards. I mean, you know you

28:41

go down the list, you name it and it's.

28:43

I think it's just been damaging

28:46

to so many people and it's

28:48

interesting to hear. I guess like

28:50

anything like any thing that's available

28:53

to us like recreational drugs, alcohol,

28:55

porn, gambling, lights for some people.

28:58

You. Know whether it's addictive personalities or whatever

29:00

it is like. To. Go

29:02

full blown addiction. You know goods as

29:04

scary cause it's It's just so accessible

29:06

as a think that it's a combination

29:09

between two things, one being a mean,

29:11

the access to porn as well. like

29:13

with the edge of of the introduction

29:15

of like smartphones and computers and shit

29:17

like that but also the generation that.

29:20

Like. Our parents. Is

29:22

very taboo to talk about sex. My parents

29:24

never saw thing about sex ever. We still

29:26

don't talk about sex in the house. I

29:28

haven't had many sexual conversations with like my

29:31

siblings new up even about the idea of

29:33

having sex or whatever. like no one makes

29:35

like jokes or anything like that, like there's

29:37

children running around and no one says jay

29:39

and they were just assuming that you know

29:41

I mean like there's no actual conversation self

29:43

because it's like taboo and no one's talking

29:45

about it and and there's this. All this

29:47

access is like is that that is a

29:50

recipe for being able to ah for for

29:52

a child. Especially were like a teenager or to

29:54

abuse that and you know and and just kind of

29:56

like have to export and like do it on it's

29:58

own and they figure it out and. Hope to

30:00

God that you'd say you. Do.

30:03

It correctly. You know, brand without any

30:05

sort of guidance? Or you know, whatever

30:07

I think that it's it's actually important

30:09

to animals. Like an argument my father

30:11

one time about like. You

30:13

know, younger kids and sexual conversations and him

30:15

and that whole thing. I I think

30:17

that it it might mean or and I

30:20

don't know that's for sure. but. I.

30:22

Think a part of me. Is

30:25

like is it's it's It's probably important

30:27

to have those conversations before children start

30:29

like. Having. Like

30:32

they're hormone like, go through puberty and

30:34

whatever. just so they don't the irresponsibly

30:36

like know about exploring that and experimenting

30:38

that yet I realized that very taboo.

30:41

And like I'm not saying show porn

30:43

to a fucking tenure Or like I'm

30:45

not saying that's probably like having conversations

30:47

and warning that you know kids about

30:49

Nina, what it is and intimacy and

30:51

in love and and this and Weber

30:54

like they did things that are connected

30:56

to a sexual encounters so that it

30:58

isn't irresponsibly sort of use Bizarre the

31:00

wisest, like I had heard. Just kind

31:02

of figure it. Oh my. I mean I

31:04

also had like older siblings a minute. It

31:06

really have a lot of conversations with them

31:09

but I have friends that were little older

31:11

selects. I was hearing stuff and you know

31:13

the round some people so but like no

31:15

one ever directly was giving me advice or

31:17

saying certain things or whatever. I don't think

31:19

that most people never get that like to

31:21

your point I don't think and do you're

31:23

basically saying. Okay, you're gonna

31:26

have access. Endless access. You could spend

31:28

all day on your phone looking at

31:30

porn. Twenty Four Seven, Don't like. You

31:32

know what's going to trust you to

31:34

find that balance and figure it out

31:36

of that's gear. Very hard to do

31:38

that. And she said it like thrives

31:40

in secrecy because there is the same

31:42

elements and. It makes. You

31:45

are unable to talk to other people about everything and

31:47

drives you further away from being able to talk about

31:49

a year and the I never felt like I guess

31:51

I still to this day I mean I'm thirty one

31:53

years old I must gonna talk to my mom about

31:55

something with sex they are you know because I just

31:57

feel like condition that an awesome relationship that I have.

32:00

Are you know I mean and and

32:02

even my siblings? So I think that

32:04

if you're on the parents and if

32:06

you're an older sibling to to make

32:08

sure that your. Ah you know

32:10

the younger people in your house kind of

32:13

like have some sort of idea before they're

32:15

out there trying to figure it to figure

32:17

it out on their own hundred sensitive it

32:19

like creating a space and opening the floor

32:21

of do you have any questions Now these

32:24

are things I think about recently him a

32:26

long way off but like I have a

32:28

daughter now like I had another conversation by

32:30

parents what the hell is my approach gonna

32:32

be to see how yeah I mean and

32:35

I also I. I. As

32:37

I forgot who who said this but I

32:39

was talking with a woman one time and

32:41

she told me when she was sixteen years

32:43

old she went to her dad and axed

32:45

her dad likes and you take me to

32:47

go buy condoms f I was like. That.

32:49

Is so is. that's an insane thoughts me

32:52

around the time rights but now it's like

32:54

I hope I have that sort of relationship

32:56

with my future door because I don't want

32:58

her to feel like I can't talk to

33:00

him and I'm like my father of my

33:02

terrify should feel like she can talk to

33:04

me and have opened com such. As because I

33:06

want to be able to give advice. I don't want

33:08

you to feel for you, can't talk

33:10

to me and you know do whatever

33:12

Like I like that I think is

33:14

important So to avoid since like porn

33:16

addiction and to avoid like you know

33:18

just just viewing. The world through

33:20

the lens of porn have been like This is

33:23

what sex is like in the Not like this

33:25

and it's not good or bad are you know?

33:27

Whatever spoke. There. Needs to

33:29

be some sort of like. morning

33:31

or whatever you know like everything else is

33:33

lot of different vices out there that people

33:35

warn you about like drinking and smoking and

33:37

drugs and stuff red bull israelis have this

33:39

knowledge that you will probably come across this

33:42

thing right and it should be handled delicately

33:44

ask where i waited or whatever the case

33:46

may be yeah and then even move forward

33:48

with like i know this thing that i'm

33:50

doing there are things that could happen from

33:52

it and i'm aware of those things and

33:54

you know well as at least there's that's

33:56

on but with corners like this that and

33:58

sex and suffrage movement So like I did

34:00

like no one talks about it No one really

34:03

gives you any sort of warning that things could

34:05

go wrong or this and that It's just like

34:07

don't fucking get pregnant or like don't have sex

34:09

at all Yeah And you're actually creating a further

34:11

gap between you like a communicative gap

34:13

between you and your child Like I think it's

34:15

important to have those conversations So your child feels

34:17

like they can come to you and

34:19

talk to you about those things and things like

34:21

this can possibly be avoided I'm not saying 100%

34:25

but it could possibly be avoided and

34:27

I think that's like important But again,

34:30

like I think it's a combination between those two things the

34:32

access is very difficult And this is happening to a lot

34:34

of people and I know there's people out there that probably

34:36

think They they have an a porn addiction or

34:38

they wish they watch porn a little bit less This

34:41

is happening to a lot of people So I

34:43

would suggest in the same way that she did

34:45

talk to someone talk to you know One of

34:48

your friends that doesn't have to be your parent

34:50

to feel uncomfortable But somebody or a therapist about

34:52

you know this and just it just start talking

34:54

talking helps so much It's never soon like too

34:56

soon to talk about something, right? You know, I think a

34:59

lot of people think they need to

35:01

hit rock bottom So to

35:03

have that conversation to finally come out and

35:06

talk to someone about it But even if you

35:08

have that inkling that this could go downhill or I

35:10

might be on a slippery slope That's

35:13

a great time to talk right? Yeah, definitely

35:16

Sooner rather than later, but we appreciate it

35:18

coming on being so honest Yeah, but

35:20

honestly best of luck to her like I

35:22

know she's got a journey ahead You

35:25

know, she's so conditioned having done

35:27

this 13 is it's that's so

35:29

young for that to start But

35:32

you know for her to be open

35:34

with her partner Talk about it.

35:36

Come on this show like it's for sure on the

35:39

right path So yeah, we really hope she gets where

35:41

she wants to for sure For

35:43

anyone out there that would like to be a

35:45

guest on our show hit us up Our email

35:47

is OPL [email protected] send us your story and we'll

35:50

get back to you Follow us on Instagram and

35:52

tick tock a bunch of clips from the show

35:54

a bunch of discussions in the comments been going

35:56

a little Wild lately that's at OPL podcast. You

35:58

could support the show patreon.com/O'Peele show

36:00

and that is all. See you

36:03

guys next time.