Well, here we go again. Another week, another jobless claim report from Uncle Sugar. Filings for unemployment insurance totaled just under two and a half million last week, that brings the total jobless filings during the coronavirus pandemic to around thirty eight and a half million. Although this won’t make the two and a half million who were handed their walking papers feel any better, this week's claims were slightly smaller than predicted by the economic brain trust. It’s starting to look like next time grandpa lectures you on how hard they had it during the Great Depression, you may soon have the dispensation to officially call him a pussy.

New York City gets traffic!

Here’s one small inkling that life might be getting back to some semblance of normalcy in New York City. This morning traffic into the Lincoln Tunnel was backed up for about an hour coming in from Jersey. Next week, the City will undoubtedly experience two hour delays in hospital emergency rooms.

The Hamptons’ millionaire squatters

I don’t think it’s supposed to work this way. New York has a non-eviction order in place due to the coronavirus crisis, which is great news for folks who lost their jobs and can’t make the rent. Maybe not so great for landlords, but that’s another story. Anyway, in the Hamptons, wealthy tenants in multi-million dollar mansions are using the law to squat and not pay rent in their seaside homes. The Daily Mail reports New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s moratorium on rent payments will last through mid August. By then the Long Island summer rental market will be just about over.

Flags at half mast?

Today’s big political attention whore move has reached Spinal Tap like levels (goes to 11). Pelosi and Schumer are requesting Trump to fly flags at half mast when the death toll from the pandemic reaches one hundred thousand in the US. Talking Points Memo reports the pandemic duo sent the letter to his royal orangutan on Thursday requesting the move. Come on, Trump hasn’t flown anything over half mast since Marla Maples.

Texas active shooter

With everyone locked indoors, we haven’t seen many active shooter stories in the news. That changed today, with one at a naval base in Corpus Christi, Texas. The US Navy Tweeted, yea even the mighty Navy has a fracking Twatter account, that an active shooter near Naval Air Station Corpus Christi has been neutralized. Numerous sources report that one security worker was injured in the incident and word is that sailor is in good condition and is expected to be released later today.

Home Depot paint fight

What’s better than a food fight? How about a paint fight! Four men at a Tampa Home Depot got into an altercation, over, well who the hell knows, it’s Florida after all. From the video, it’s hard to make out just what the men were fighting over, as they don’t appear to be speaking the English, but man let me tell you, the paint was flying. Maybe they were arguing over whether their paints should be shaken or stirred. That video, of course, available on today’s overnight underground dot com.

Where is Doctor Fauchi?

Paging Doctor Fauchi, where the hell are you. If you’re still watching one of the endlessly depressing news channels, you may be asking yourself, how did I get here. No, the real question is, where did Doctor Fauchi disappear to? CNN reports that Fauci has been MIA from national television interviews over the last couple of weeks. His last interview was on May fourth with Chris Cuomo. Speculation is that with the White House’s communications team changing its PR strategy for the pandemic, Fauchi has been put on the back burner.

Maybe he’s been busy designing women’s panties. Business Insider reports that an L-A based company is now selling women’s underwear emboldened with the names of Fauchi, Governor Cuomo and Gavin Newsom. According to Canva, that’s the company cashing in on those three sexy fellas, the panties are selling like hotcakes. You know, I’ve always wondered, just where is it that hotcakes sell so well. Not anywhere around here. Anyway, the names of the three amigos are displayed on the front of the panties just above the. I’m thinking it should be plastered over the.

Victoria’s Secret going down

In other underwear related news, Victoria's Secret looks like it’s going bust. KIRO Seven News reports the skimpy clothing chain is closing nearly two hundred and fifty stores nationwide. The Parent company L Brands also announced the shuttering of fifty Bath and Bodyworks stores.