0:00

Hi folks and welcome to the Oxfenture D&D podcast.

0:02

It's a Dungeons & Dragons podcast and

0:05

also a podcast about other tabletop role-playing

0:07

games, sometimes like today when

0:10

we're listening to an episode

0:12

of Oxfenture Deadlands. I'm Jane,

0:14

I play

0:15

Garnet Monroe in Deadlands and joined as ever

0:18

by Marshall. Andy, hi. Hey,

0:20

I'm Andy. I'm the Marshal of Deadlands. Yay.

0:23

Which is like a DM but with a hat.

0:26

Yeah, you're a Dungeon Marshal. Dungeon

0:29

Marshal, that's good. We should go with that from

0:31

now on. Let's go with that. Today we're

0:33

listening to the episode,

0:36

The Town That Dreaded Justice, part

0:38

one, which went out a couple of weeks ago at youtube.com

0:41

slash Oxfenture, which is where you

0:43

can always watch episodes of Oxfenture

0:46

first.

0:47

Yep, there's a brand

0:49

new episode there tonight. Part

0:52

one of the story called More Wonders

0:54

Than There Are in the Heavens

0:56

with special guest Jasper Cartwright

0:58

from Three Black Halflings. Yes. So

1:00

you should check that out for sure. It's

1:02

a great one.

1:03

And obviously they have their own podcast

1:06

too and you were on it just the other week, weren't

1:08

you? Yeah, check that out as well.

1:10

Yeah, that's Three Black Halflings. Go

1:13

listen, but not right now

1:15

because first we're going to do a podcast here. Yes.

1:18

How are you doing, Andy? I'm

1:20

doing good, thank you. The weather's

1:22

started to get in line. I

1:26

stopped being all hot and annoying and start

1:28

getting all crisp and autumnal. Yeah,

1:30

it was briefly very hot and annoying. Super

1:34

hot and annoying and the worst, but now it's starting

1:36

to get, you know, good weather. Yeah.

1:38

It's the best time of the year starting to kick off.

1:41

How are you, Jane? Good. Yeah, I'm

1:44

not too bad. There's some

1:46

building work going on in

1:48

my house, in my apartment.

1:51

So apologies if it's noisy.

1:54

But yeah, it's ongoing.

1:56

It's so ongoing. Yeah. So yeah.

1:59

statue of you right yeah

2:02

yeah yeah it's a three-story

2:05

statue of me living in the um in the

2:07

methane foyer

2:08

it's one of those red and evil statues that you have to

2:10

rotate it's a puzzle

2:11

yeah those things those things

2:14

yeah and i can't wait to

2:16

get my to get my place back yes

2:18

they're lovely builders um but

2:21

uh but yeah it's uh sweet

2:23

time disruptive and uh

2:25

and messy yeah and uh and

2:27

yeah anyway otherwise

2:30

i too have been enjoying the autumnal

2:32

the earlier autumnal vibes

2:34

i've been playing a bunch more bowser's

2:36

gate which is good um i've

2:38

still to properly get stuck into starfield

2:42

and beth

2:46

yeah despite the shenanigans

2:49

um

2:50

by which i mean they just they sent us review coming

2:53

really late i mean not really like like after

2:55

being came out anyway we're

2:57

not bitter we're not we're not mad about it though

2:59

you don't need to care about this

3:01

what i want to say is i've been playing in starfield

3:04

um yeah i'm a giant

3:07

like it's uh

3:08

it's good it's good

3:10

they um they dropped f0 99 yesterday

3:13

right i need to i need

3:15

to get on that because um i

3:17

love f0 and i

3:20

saw luke and ellen were streaming it yesterday i haven't

3:22

had a chance to look at it yet but i think this weekend

3:24

i'm gonna get heavily involved in f0 99 oh

3:27

okay

3:28

oh nice

3:29

i'm doing i'm doing that and i'm gonna go to a taco festival

3:32

as well

3:33

oh so that's all right that's my

3:35

whole weekend plans you got them can't wait oh

3:37

well

3:37

i just played a quest in starfield

3:40

where you have to go on like a beer run just

3:42

kind of collect some booze uh

3:44

from an abandoned

3:45

ghost ship yeah um while

3:47

the gravity drives the gravity

3:50

system sorry is like soaking on and off so

3:52

you're all kind of you're alternately like floating in

3:54

midair and then falling to the ground and then

3:56

shifting space like that um

3:58

hyperbolic flight you enter

3:59

Oh yeah, it is a

4:02

bit like that, but with small shooting

4:04

and booze. And less beer? And less

4:07

beer. I don't know how much beer you got on your hyperbolic

4:09

flight. There

4:09

was no beer on the Zero G

4:11

parabolic flight I did.

4:12

Sorry, parabolic flight, not hyperbolic. It's a parabolic

4:15

flight, you know. What would a hyperbolic flight be?

4:20

It would

4:21

follow... People overstating things.

4:23

It would follow a hyperbolic line,

4:26

which I think would just mean like, find the

4:28

same space forever or something. I

4:30

think what I'm thinking of is the hyperbolic time chamber

4:33

from Dragon Ball Z. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, then

4:35

I usually am thinking of that.

4:38

No, it's called a parabola because it's just like

4:40

a big wavy line. I can't believe

4:41

it. You can get a hyperbolic parabola,

4:44

can you?

4:45

Can you?

4:46

Are you sure? I don't know. Are

4:48

you sure, Andy?

4:49

Maybe.

4:51

Maybe, I got a... Let's say yes. Yeah.

4:54

Let's say yes. I

4:56

got a B at GCSE physics. But

4:59

anyway, yeah, I

5:02

think the thing with Starfield is

5:05

what I had associated with Bethesda

5:08

Games as a kind of

5:11

wacky weirdness that

5:13

I enjoy so much about games like Fallout

5:15

and Skyrim in its own way is actually

5:18

very specific to the franchise. Fallout

5:20

is wacky because it is about the kind of

5:23

wackiness that happens in

5:26

this retro-futuristic vision

5:28

of America where the bombs have dropped

5:30

and everyone's gone a bit strange because

5:33

it's the end of the world.

5:36

There is wacky stuff in Skyrim like when you

5:38

go out drinking with the day-through God of debauchery,

5:40

for example. Yeah,

5:41

that's my point. The kind of weirdness,

5:43

the wackiness in Skyrim, the source

5:45

of that is that you're living in a supernatural

5:47

world where there are daedric,

5:49

storms,

5:50

etc., etc. But whereas in Starfield,

5:54

there's not an obvious font

5:56

of wacky weirdness because

5:59

it

5:59

is

6:00

quite a, in many ways, quite a straight

6:03

lace, quite earnest,

6:06

you know?

6:08

I don't know, it feels like when you set up like a planet

6:10

that is a cowboy planet. Space exploration. Yeah,

6:13

well, I think that's almost like,

6:15

I feel like that's almost like service to various

6:17

sci-fi sub-genres. Right. Like

6:20

you've got Neon, which is kind of cyberpunk-y Blade Runner-y, and then

6:22

you've got a Kila, like the space cowboy planet,

6:24

that's kind of, you know, Space Western, which I

6:26

know is not a massive sub-genre, but it's

6:28

kind of a thing. Mandalorian.

6:31

Yeah,

6:32

but anyway, I think it's a question of

6:34

tone that kind of tripped

6:36

me up at first, but I'm sort of vibing with

6:39

now, and also like with the quest

6:41

I just described, the one where you're, you

6:43

know, on a booze mission

6:44

for a bar owner, there

6:47

are

6:48

elements of that kind of, you

6:51

know, whimsy, I suppose. Oh, that's

6:53

nice. That's balanced with a more sort of earnest, like

6:55

isn't space amazing? Isn't exploration

6:58

noble and brave? Literally awesome, yeah.

7:01

Yeah, so that's

7:03

the notes from my, yeah, my

7:05

stuff, you'll feel journal at the moment. So

7:08

yeah, this episode, you were in this one. Oh, yeah.

7:11

Jane, what are your recollections? What are my

7:13

thoughts? Recording the town that dreaded justice.

7:18

It's a town of

7:20

huge injustice, obviously. Well,

7:22

you will come to understand, that

7:24

it is a town in trouble,

7:28

and

7:29

I think I initially, and you'll

7:32

hear this, so listen out for me, sort

7:34

of getting slightly the wrong end of

7:36

the stick to begin with. So

7:39

I really thought, and we can talk about this after

7:41

the episode is played, but I really thought we were

7:43

going in a specific direction. Oh, okay.

7:46

I think I'd like to be something slightly different,

7:48

but it was me and Johnny and Mike,

7:51

which I enjoyed as a trio. Thought

7:54

it was a good group dynamic. Yeah.

7:57

And yeah, mate, in his new...

7:59

of being. New harrowed form, yeah. Yes,

8:02

exactly so. All right, well maybe we should listen to the episode

8:04

and then we can come back and we can actually talk spoilers.

8:07

Indeed, yes.

8:11

Deadlands takes place in the Weird

8:13

West, a treacherous frontier where

8:15

legends are born and nightmares are real.

8:18

Here five wild cards come together

8:20

to seek fortune, justice and revenge

8:23

and their third bounty.

8:36

Hello and welcome back to Deadlands with

8:38

Oxfengen. I am Andy and I will be the marshal today

8:40

and we have our players over here. If you could introduce

8:42

yourself. Hello, I'm Mike and I'll be playing Silas

8:44

Flint. Hi, I'm Johnny and I will be playing

8:46

Nate Jansen. I'm

8:47

Jane, I'll be playing Garnet Munro. This episode

8:50

is brought to you by Misty Mountain Gaming

8:52

who have given us some of their brand new cage gear dice to

8:54

play with today. You can get a set for yourself and

8:56

see some of the other gorgeous Misty Mountain Gaming products

8:58

by going to mistymountaingaming.com and

9:00

stay tuned to find out how you can win some of your own

9:03

Misty Mountain Gaming dice. Thank you to

9:05

Misty Mountain Gaming for your support.

9:08

Okay, so the three of you are all gathered

9:10

in the parlour at Victoria's house. You've

9:12

all been through some stuff recently.

9:15

Silas, you've just got back from your last mission.

9:17

You've had a little time to rest up. Nate, you've

9:19

got whatever you've got going on. And

9:23

Garnet, you're probably the best rested out

9:25

of the crew, so you're doing all right. Why's

9:28

that? I've had the most downtime. You've had the most downtime. Okay,

9:30

cool. So, getting back on the porch. You guys are just

9:32

hanging out. I feel

9:34

like Nate

9:35

would be kind of very sadly just pushing

9:38

a plate of beans around. Just like...

9:41

They just don't taste the

9:44

same. That's heartbreaking.

9:46

They're trying to sound rude. Why

9:49

do you smell so bad? Oh,

9:52

um... I'm not trying very hard. I'm

9:56

not trying to be rude on anything. So

10:00

everyone smells pretty bad as a baseline.

10:03

Yeah. So this is real stinky. Yeah. Especially

10:05

since Nate's baseline was already

10:08

established. Three of the guys have known

10:10

him. And now Nate smells bad for

10:12

Nate. So it's pretty, pretty

10:14

awful. It's actually powerful, right? Well,

10:17

Miss Monroe here was kind enough

10:20

to fill me in on what happened.

10:22

Basically, I'm just going to pull my shirt over. You

10:24

see, just my death wound. It's just a massive

10:27

hole in my chest from where I was shot through the heart. Like

10:30

a little beetle kind of crawls out of it. Or

10:32

like, I died in a duel.

10:38

But I was returned

10:40

to the mortal plane. I

10:43

am what is known as a harrowed.

10:46

A harrowed. And essentially,

10:48

I am no longer really

10:51

living. I'm more powered

10:53

by an evil spirit called

10:56

a manitude. This

10:58

thing's ultimate goal is to take

11:01

over my corporeal form

11:04

and just become an agent

11:06

of evil on the Earth. But

11:08

for now, I am holding on. But

11:13

to all intents and purposes, I am dead.

11:16

Which accounts for the

11:19

smell. That is a detailed

11:21

and unsettling explanation. Also,

11:24

I can do this now. I

11:26

would like to use infest, which

11:29

basically allows me to, in a 15

11:32

foot radius, take control

11:34

of all of the bugs in the area. I

11:36

can't summon bugs, but

11:39

all of the bugs that are there basically can do my

11:42

bidding. I can just pull them into a swarm.

11:44

So I would like to pull all

11:47

of the bugs, whatever they are, into a

11:49

roughly humanoid shape. Okay,

11:53

yeah, Victoria keeps quite a clean house. But

11:56

there are termites, I think, probably

11:58

in an older wooden building. There was an

12:00

ant's nest outside. Are they load-bearing termites?

12:03

No, I don't think so. That's not working.

12:07

Would it count arachnids? Would spiders

12:09

count? Yes. Yeah, spiders. Okay, cool. Yeah, there's some spiders,

12:12

you know, in the hard-to-dust corners

12:14

of the room. Or maybe I'll just... Can I get them

12:16

to form a line on the floor and just spell out hello?

12:21

I can't read. Yeah, if anything just happens, you don't

12:23

have to roll or anything. I don't think so. Okay. I'll

12:25

double-check in case... I'll double-check in combat,

12:27

I guess. But for now... Yeah, yeah. I think

12:29

that's fine, yeah, all right. Yeah, so

12:31

describe how this goes down. Basically,

12:34

I could do this now! They just sort of point

12:37

a spot on the floor and... Because

12:39

it is a kind of a radial thing, like, in

12:41

a circle, just bugs kind of start like skittering.

12:45

And they sort of form a little ball and then kind of spread

12:47

out. And it's actually quite nice cursive.

12:49

Just says, hello! And

12:53

then I let go and they...

12:55

And you found that useful.

12:58

Well,

12:59

no, but it's certainly

13:01

intriguing. It's no compensation for losing your

13:03

bean appetite. No.

13:06

Food has no real

13:08

savor for me.

13:10

And I can't get drunk. Oh

13:13

boy. Silas,

13:16

do you want to fill the others in on you

13:18

last time? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll... Sorry,

13:20

how have you been? Well,

13:23

we had a run-in with a Miss Du

13:25

Crowe. Uh, she

13:28

was a real nasty piece

13:30

of work. But, uh,

13:32

I fired bullets into the back of

13:34

her head and... Everything

13:36

was fine after that. That's the short

13:38

version. Her brain

13:41

was exposed. You know, empty by

13:43

sex shooter into it. It's all

13:45

good. Sounds like we're down two. Is

13:48

Victoria around? Is Victoria around? Is Victoria around?

13:50

Oh, she'll be here in a second. Okay, fine. How many

13:52

were we supposed to bag again? Victoria

13:56

walks in here.

14:00

Oh hello, how are you all doing? Uh, Nate,

14:03

you look a little... A

14:04

little pale. A little green around the game. Oh you missed

14:06

the bug trick!

14:08

You want to do the bug trick again? I don't

14:11

think I have any insects in my house, that would be embarrassing. No, no you

14:13

do. I mean, I

14:15

try to keep a clean house for my guests. I'm a

14:18

little offended. I think the bug's not clean me.

14:21

Can I just take control of

14:23

just enough ants?

14:27

So I can just spell shh on my top. On

14:29

my top, I just had to... Oh yeah.

14:33

Right. So

14:35

how's everyone doing? Silas, I understand you were

14:37

able to...

14:38

Yeah, we took care of the crow. Yeah,

14:41

I spoke to Edie, she said she contracted late

14:43

stage tuberculosis, but she got better. Oh yeah,

14:46

yeah. Real bad time, mate. Gosh,

14:48

yeah, sounds awful. But you're feeling okay? I'm

14:50

fine, yeah. Okay, Miss Garnett,

14:52

you're... I'm well rested. Well rested,

14:54

ready for the next challenge? Give it to us. Okay.

14:58

Victoria. All right, great. Well, friends,

15:01

the target that you'll be after today is

15:04

MT Boudreau. She reaches into

15:07

the drawer, pulls out the wanted poster. She

15:10

unfurled this poster and it shows an honestly

15:13

unremarkable looking man. He has thick

15:16

dark hair, parties on one side. He's even smiling

15:19

faintly in the wanted poster. He just looks like

15:22

any number of people you'd see in the street.

15:25

Victoria goes on to explain. Now

15:28

Boudreau, he was a remorseless killer,

15:30

cold and unfeeling, and he always

15:32

carried out his crimes with a twisted

15:35

sense of justice, convinced that the things

15:37

he was doing were right.

15:40

It was like this kind of a shield to him. See

15:43

you okay there, Silas? Absolutely

15:45

fine. You're uncomfortable. Yeah? Okay,

15:48

well, he went about his work with the smile

15:50

of someone who's convinced that what

15:52

they're doing is the right thing.

15:55

The hypocrisy of it, I think,

15:57

is what stings most of a well-remoders.

16:00

probably what's sitting the most, but then the

16:02

hypocrisy. Sure. A sickening. So

16:04

his last known location, according to my research,

16:07

is the town of Fort Parker, where

16:09

apparently he set himself up as some sort of law

16:12

man, which is, I mean, rich.

16:14

If you ask me. The

16:17

hypocrisy of these monsters. Real

16:19

bad egg. Knows no bounds. So

16:23

yes, like the previous targets, I want you

16:26

to kill him and bring me back his ring as proof that

16:29

the job is done. It's time for him to

16:31

pay for his crimes. Yep. Nothing

16:34

I hate more than a hypercrack. A

16:37

hypercrack. Yes. Some

16:40

kind of animal. He's only seen it written down. Okay,

16:42

cool. But that's good because it means

16:44

you learned it from a book. Yeah, I guess so. Got

16:47

yourself some book. So he can read. Ah,

16:49

damn it. I owe you five dollars. Yeah,

16:52

so is there anything you feel you

16:54

need? Obviously you can stock up in town

16:57

before you head out. I have the expense accounts of the various

16:59

businesses.

17:00

You need to get any equipment or anything like that. But

17:03

yeah, as far as as far

17:05

as my research is indicated

17:07

for Parker is where you'll find.

17:09

Who's he writing with this

17:11

food road? I don't know. It's

17:13

not with the rest of the gang anymore. I mean,

17:16

from what I've heard of the previous targets

17:18

from

17:19

from you, it seems like they're all setting

17:21

up on their on their own, going into business for themselves,

17:24

so to speak. So I wouldn't

17:26

be surprised if he's found himself in a position of power.

17:28

They seem to be good at that. But

17:31

as far as

17:31

what his situation is now, I haven't got any more information,

17:34

I'm afraid. Do your lines

17:36

of credit, your accounts at the stores,

17:38

does that include the liquor store?

17:40

Why, I mean, the general

17:43

store sells liquor. I have a line of credit there.

17:45

Tremendous.

17:46

I need to freshen up. Okay.

17:49

I mean, she checks her watch. It's 11

17:52

a.m. She's like, oh, okay. That's

17:55

suddenly pleased

17:57

by all means. If it

17:59

makes you a.

17:59

effective bounty hunter Nate that's

18:02

fine by me well I just I find

18:05

it makes me more pleasant to be

18:07

around I'm often the

18:09

same way well

18:11

God speed to you all best of luck and

18:14

I'll see you back here again soon the

18:16

head to the general store yeah

18:19

as we go over there sometimes

18:22

I feel sorry for miss Victoria

18:25

I mean she's a very well-to-do

18:28

woman but she is clearly haunted

18:31

by the mistakes of the past things

18:35

left behind her I mean she talks about the

18:37

sting of the murder yes

18:41

a crying shape well

18:43

she's doing something about true

18:45

of course in my experience

18:49

murder has more of a sort of burning hole

18:52

through the chest cut in

18:55

six well

18:58

that's all okay so you're whiskey old man I

19:04

don't touch okay so

19:07

you're

19:08

heading to the general store yeah

19:11

yeah so it's you know a pretty

19:13

standard two-story timber

19:16

frame construction they're selling all kinds

19:18

of general goods there they have canned

19:20

foods various tobacco products

19:23

and quite a large liquor selection

19:25

it's mostly whiskey but there is some

19:27

more exotic spirits there's jinns and rums things

19:30

of that nature I would like to buy this astonishing quantity

19:32

of booze please okay

19:35

oh and also just as much

19:38

not to make it all about jerky again as much

19:40

dried meat as humanly sure yeah there

19:45

there's basically a self-serve

19:47

kind of pick and mix jerky section oh

19:49

there's a big scoop and you can just sort of scoop

19:52

jerky bar yeah jerky bar what's the most exotic

19:54

animal that's been jerked zebra zebra

19:56

jack leave no great Yeah,

20:01

we're talking like I'll take a scoop and

20:03

then leave it on the side for any other customers

20:06

Okay,

20:08

what sort of quantity what what's the alcohol

20:11

you're getting? I'm the cheapest basically because

20:13

it doesn't it doesn't matter. Okay,

20:15

like it's not for the taste It's not for

20:17

any effect whatsoever. It is just

20:20

to pickle myself Okay,

20:23

so yeah, let's say like just like real

20:25

like raw grain alcohol like

20:27

just like that's really that's corn with fresh

20:29

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, and that

20:32

comes by the open bucket Do

20:36

they have one of those? Like

20:38

a yolk. Yes, please. Yeah, I'd like

20:40

a I'd like a full yolk of course

20:43

You are gonna be so flammable Okay

20:48

The shopkeeper is

20:49

at the table doing his accounts and he just all goes oh

20:52

Jesus. What's that smell? Oh afternoon

20:56

sir, oh Good

20:59

what can I what can I help you with? Um, I would

21:01

like to put all of this on Miss

21:04

Victoria's account, please. Oh, yes.

21:06

He mentioned that you might be coming by she didn't

21:09

mention the smell She's a very polite woman

21:11

and it's getting worse as the day goes on. Yeah,

21:13

indeed Well, yes, that'll I mean to where

21:16

you got two pails of corn whiskey there. Yes,

21:18

that'll be 11 cents Also

21:21

the jerky. Oh the jerky. Yeah, that'll be $2 for

21:23

the jet. This is very cheap alcohol

21:26

Pretty jerky. Yeah Was

21:29

that important? Jerky

21:33

for oh So

21:36

I cannot be healed by conventional

21:38

medicine Instead, I just

21:40

have to sort of consume meat

21:43

and then my my my wounds

21:45

sort of close here Look, I'm

21:48

just gonna like send

21:50

a finger that way and then I just like that And

21:53

I'm kind of imagining like as they

21:55

choose like Yeah

22:00

The meat sort of goes down into the finger and fills

22:02

it back out. Yeah! He goes like... Mm-hmm! Shh,

22:04

shh, shh! But not your death

22:06

ring! Er, no! That one, erm... Not

22:10

again! ...is a keeper! Heh! A

22:12

millipede. This is outside of the shop key.

22:15

Heh! Okay. Right it is, because he's covered his eyes.

22:17

Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh!

22:20

Heh! Okay, so you are now provisioned

22:22

with a lot of alcohol and jerky. Anyone

22:25

else need anything before you head out?

22:26

I feel like we acquired a bunch of tools.

22:29

Last time we went out, so I need

22:32

like, er... A shovel.

22:34

Mm-hmm. Need rope.

22:36

I need... Er,

22:39

what else do we need? Matches? Travel rope

22:41

matches. TNT? Can we

22:43

have TNT?

22:44

Sure! Heh! I don't know

22:46

what! I mean if he's on account, I'll take some TNT!

22:48

Right, yep, cool! Seems useful.

22:51

Keeping with unstable TNT next week. Better to have it and not need it. It's

22:53

not a problem, right? Etc. You've got the starter

22:55

miners kit. The starter miners kit. It

22:58

comes pre-packed in a duffeled egg. Can

23:01

we row back a bit?

23:02

Because I'd like to know a little about Fort Parker. We

23:04

should have asked Victoria

23:05

actually. When we

23:07

had the opportunity. But maybe we can stop by,

23:09

er... We'll go in the general store and load

23:11

some stuff probably. Yeah, alright. I asked the...

23:14

Shopkeeper. Mm-hmm. Hey, what do you know about Fort Parker?

23:18

Fort Parker.

23:19

Never been there myself.

23:22

Erm... I hear it's nice.

23:23

Very safe. Clean. I

23:27

hear people

23:28

go there on vacation. You

23:29

know? Mm-hmm. Haven't heard much about it other than

23:31

that.

23:32

My wife and I often talk to going, you know? Spending

23:35

a long weekend. Okay. Nice.

23:37

I'm making a note. South Card doll?

23:40

You should take that one, Cirt.

23:42

But use the time you have

23:45

with the ones you love. So

23:47

I

23:48

look towards the death wound. I'm just

23:50

like...

23:52

Why just do that? Poor fella. Time

23:54

is short.

23:56

I think a dipper of corn whiskey. Ow!

23:59

We've got... there soon actually you wanted

24:01

to come with us well I've got

24:04

commitments here in the store

24:06

we'd like to be for what

24:09

well I mean she's she's out of work

24:11

today as well so she should seize the day

24:13

too yeah I will be going

24:15

just as soon as we can can't wait what

24:18

a great way not gonna get these drags along we smell so good

24:26

he's

24:27

quite keen to leave now the smell the smell is starting

24:29

to dissipate because you're drinking the liquor

24:31

but it's still I would

24:33

describe it as a stench yeah yeah yeah

24:36

all

24:37

right all

24:39

right so how you gonna get the stage the

24:41

train with

24:43

no wiser on the proximity

24:45

of marker you

24:48

know it's about say maybe a three-hour train

24:50

rides probably five on us on a stage

24:52

he could be there by by

24:54

early afternoon the advantage of a stage

24:56

is I can sit on the back great

25:01

ventilation yeah

25:02

yeah the stage will be coming through soon this you

25:04

know book passage to you

25:07

know

25:07

for Parker that will be taken care of by

25:09

your expense account as well all right

25:12

stage it is yeah all right yep

25:15

so you pass an uneventful journey

25:17

I sit on the back because even though it smells bad

25:20

it's better than looking at the whole thing

25:24

there's nothing but exactly

25:26

and cool with how you passing the time on

25:28

that journey upfront range on

25:32

with the same thing solace arrow can I talk to the

25:34

stagecoach driver sure hey

25:37

fella yeah tell me your

25:39

life story well when I was

25:43

just a young lad I used to dream

25:45

of riding the open planes with a horse

25:48

buggy received

25:51

my first horse in the age of four

25:54

he was but a fo I raised

25:56

him love that horse I

25:59

did his name was Jerry we

26:02

used to sit and play all

26:04

day the

26:14

consent that's right but

26:16

then one day Jerry got awful

26:18

sick

26:19

I ran to my mama I said mama

26:22

Jerry sick and she said son you know what you

26:24

have to do she handed

26:26

me my pods rifle I

26:29

take care around back at the barn he

26:33

breaks down in tears and the stagecoach I

26:37

gently reach over and take the ring okay say

26:40

there there all right thank you for sharing

26:43

Jerry why? he says he's

26:45

now the journey will now take an

26:47

hour longer I'm

26:51

glad we could share this moment whatever your

26:53

name is his name

26:55

is Purdy thank you for sharing

26:58

and I shouted at those children so

27:00

much that's how I got the nickname old

27:02

yeller

27:06

okay so the stagecoach rolls

27:08

into Fort Harker six hours yeah

27:11

not quite six hours but it's sort of mid-afternoon

27:13

as you as you roll up into the

27:16

place where the stagecoach comes in there are a bunch

27:18

of stagecoaches Hark's up seems to be a popular

27:22

destination for stagecoaches yeah

27:24

so as you as you come into town you're sort

27:26

of disembarking the stagecoach and a couple

27:29

of a couple of men come up to the stagecoach

27:32

and they're on your books

27:35

welcome to Fort Harker

27:36

thank

27:38

you now it

27:40

is town policy they point to

27:42

a sign behind them that says surrender your weapons

27:45

if you wouldn't mind just depositing your weapons

27:47

in the box you will get them back when you leave town

27:49

it's town policy we can't be having anyone coming

27:51

in gunned up unless they get gunned down

27:54

if you know what I mean Yes.

28:01

Well now there's a policy and there's a

28:02

law, which is it? Well it's

28:05

a law. It is enforced. I

28:07

see you have a shotgun there, sir. Won't be allowing you into

28:09

town without, I'm afraid. That's a six shooter there

28:11

on your belt, sir. And do you

28:14

have a six shooter yourself, man? You could all

28:16

just... drop

28:18

them into the box for me, I can let you be on your

28:20

way into town. How's this place looking

28:22

to me outside? Is it like a proper fortified town?

28:25

Is it big walls and things like that? Or is

28:27

it... It's going to be nice. What's it look like? What

28:29

sort of vibe? There is a sort

28:31

of wall around the side. It's

28:33

like, I wouldn't call it like a fortified

28:36

wall, but there are sort of...

28:38

quite a lot of people who look like guards,

28:41

sort of hosted around. From what you can see into

28:43

the town, it looks...

28:46

it does look nice. It's got sort of white paved roads,

28:48

some sort of handsome two-story home, prosperous

28:51

looking businesses. Real fancy. Sort

28:54

of from what you can get from here, it

28:56

sort of smells of baking bread, fresh

28:58

cutthroat. From what you can get over this? Yeah, yeah,

29:00

yeah. Sort of what the miasma dissipates.

29:04

Which you see through the steak clothes. I

29:08

don't think Nate

29:08

would have a problem giving over a shotgun. Like, the man's

29:11

asked in a reasonable fashion. Yeah. Would

29:13

you like me to eject the cartridges first?

29:15

Oh, that would be wonderful. Thank you so much.

29:19

Clunk. Then take the shotgun,

29:21

put it in the box. And these will be storage safety?

29:24

Yes, they will be taken to the courthouse, they'll be

29:27

placed safely there, and when you want to leave town,

29:29

just let us know and you'll get them right back.

29:32

Alright.

29:33

It's a good thing Delicia isn't

29:35

here. Yes, yes. And

29:38

was attached to his gun. Um, yeah,

29:40

alright, I'm going to hand over my pair

29:42

of six-heaters.

29:44

And, uh, ma'am, your six-gun? So give

29:46

me, gentlemen. Just... Just

29:48

humor me. How do I know this isn't some kind

29:51

of scam? Or scamola? Do

29:53

you play on Newcomerster Town?

29:55

Scamorino. Can I

29:58

see some badge? Yeah, for the, um...

29:59

The man opens his

30:02

coat and he's wearing a lawman's badge. He also

30:04

has, like, he

30:06

passes you some papers. It's written

30:08

on the top in sort of calligraphic

30:10

script. It says, Can charter, no weapons

30:12

to be carried within the town border. So it's as

30:15

legitimate as it could possibly look? Yeah,

30:17

it seems extremely legitimate.

30:19

Well, I say handing over my six-shooter,

30:21

can I get

30:22

a receipt? Well, of course, you'll all

30:24

get receipts. So you'll write

30:27

out some paper receipts for all three of you for your

30:29

weapons. One shotgun, two colts,

30:32

what are they? Peacemakers? Uh, nine. Yeah,

30:34

colts. Uh, yeah, colts, these things, yep. Cool.

30:37

And also a peacemaker. And also

30:39

a co-inventor. Um, yep. So that

30:41

is all... How am I supposed to make peace? I

30:44

don't have my peacemaker. Close

30:46

the box. Thank you so much and welcome to Ford

30:48

Park. Enjoy your stay. It says,

30:51

Alright.

30:52

Let's have a look around. Okay,

30:54

so yeah, you walk out onto the main street and

30:57

to be fair, it is extremely nice. Yeah,

31:00

you hear sort of a bird song and the sound of a barbershop

31:02

quartet singing outside an old-fashioned barbershop.

31:05

It's a real, like, quaint old main street

31:07

with a sort of soda fountain and a candy

31:10

store. You can see a large sort of neoclassical,

31:12

what looks like a town hall or a courthouse down

31:14

at the end. There's a

31:16

well-appointed looking boarding house and saloon

31:19

called The Lucky Nugget. Um, just

31:22

looks extremely pleasant. Is

31:24

there any, like, law enforcement

31:27

presence around? Like, are there

31:29

sort of... Does it have

31:31

an elevated, like, law enforcement presence

31:33

compared to other towns? I

31:36

do mean noticed roles. Alright. So

31:39

let's try noticing, but you go first. And that

31:41

is a five and a six. So I

31:43

roll a six again. Another six. And

31:45

I roll... then a one. So

31:47

two sixes of five and a one. Okay,

31:50

so in total... Uh... Two

31:54

roles. Um, yeah, looking around, there

31:57

are lawmen everywhere. Wow. Not

32:00

just sort of, there are people wearing this sort of like

32:03

smart blue uniform Yeah, which you take

32:05

to be the sort of actual law men, but there are also

32:08

People who have as a former

32:11

law man yourself You recognize the sort of

32:13

bearing of someone who is

32:15

not necessarily the town's police But

32:18

is there in a peacekeeping capacity?

32:20

I see, okay, yeah So

32:22

yeah, did you want to do a? Can

32:25

I roll to notice the townsfolk,

32:27

like the non-law?

32:28

Mm-hmm Alright,

32:31

there's a six on my eight,

32:34

so... Yeah,

32:36

so success, yeah Yeah,

32:39

so you look around and you see sort

32:42

of the people of the town walking around, they look sort

32:44

of prosperous and

32:47

They look Contentive?

32:49

Not cowed Not cowed, not terrified Yeah,

32:52

as you as you are taking this in the

32:55

doors

32:56

of the boarding house They sort of swing wide

32:58

open

32:59

and two of the blue uniformed law

33:01

men are dragging a man out of the saloon

33:04

Who's sort of kicking and shouting, I didn't do

33:06

nothing! Where did I even get a drink

33:08

in a saloon? They're dragging the man out

33:11

of the saloon and they say stand back

33:13

everybody, stand back, arresting this fool

33:15

for public intoxication I

33:18

just wanted a drink, is that against the law? He's

33:21

he's shouting to himself as he's being dragged out,

33:23

so

33:24

How

33:25

many did he have? You're gonna

33:27

ask one of the... Yeah Okay

33:29

Doesn't matter how many he had, alcohol's illegal

33:32

in Fort Parker, this man turned up drunk

33:35

Whoa So he's being dragged out of

33:37

the saloon, he's protesting Please

33:43

sir, if you could keep your buckets of water away from

33:45

me Of course, yes,

33:47

I was just on my way back

33:50

from the well And

33:53

I will do as you ask

33:56

Sir

33:59

Okay

33:59

Do me

34:02

a persuasion roll. Alright, that's... I've

34:05

got a D8 in it, but it's now minus 2 because

34:07

I'm... Dead. No. So

34:10

that is a 5 and also a 7. So

34:12

it's a success. 7 minus 2. That's

34:15

right. So my highest is 5. Great, so

34:17

that's a success. So he

34:19

sort of looks at you slightly askeren, because of your very

34:22

odd... Your whole deal. Yeah, your whole

34:24

deal. Just because of this. Yeah,

34:27

but then the struggling person

34:29

being arrested pulls his attention away

34:31

from you and he carries on.

34:32

Dragging them through the street. I am.

34:37

So... Okay. Is

34:39

it worth us going in the boarding house or is it worth us... What

34:42

do you think? I

34:44

think so. We need a

34:46

place to... I'm gonna smash your muck at you.

34:48

Stay. Yes.

34:51

Yeah. Okay.

34:55

We're gonna head into the boarding house I guess. Okay,

34:57

so you're gonna head down the street. As you

34:59

head down the street,

35:01

you notice there's a sort of side street coming

35:03

off the main street. And as you walk

35:05

past there, you

35:07

see someone is pilloried. They're in

35:09

stocks as well. As

35:11

you walk down the street. How many e-moles?

35:14

So, yeah, someone's just down there in

35:16

the stocks. Should we talk to that guy

35:18

or...? Sure.

35:20

Just a question. The last

35:23

guy who was dragged out, was he dragged out in the salute? Yeah,

35:25

it's a boarding house. Oh, okay. Right,

35:27

okay. Cool.

35:28

Flash the loon. Right.

35:30

I think that's where you can infer

35:32

from the outside of the building. Called the Lucky Nugget. Those

35:35

swinging doors, but it also has a lot of rooms

35:37

on the top floor. With curtains. Looks like it would be

35:39

a boarding house. Cool, cool. I'm just like... I,

35:42

Jonny, I'm trying to catch up with Dry Town. What?

35:45

Saloon, but... Mm-hmm. Just tell the story.

35:47

It's a cafe. No, it's not.

35:50

Not everyone has to drink alcohol.

35:51

We're good. Thank you. So, hey,

35:54

really getting into character. Why

35:56

would you imbibe a liquid?

35:59

It was not alcohol.

35:59

Yeah,

36:03

let's go talk to the stocks guy. Yeah,

36:07

there's a guy just in stocks. Well,

36:09

hello there. What exactly

36:12

did you do? What did

36:14

I do? I sent

36:16

the stocks for

36:17

a year. A year?

36:19

Yeah, yeah,

36:22

cut off lightly. What was your crime? Oh,

36:25

whistling on a Sunday. Yeah,

36:28

pretty stupid. Kind

36:30

of wish I hadn't done it, but you know, could

36:33

be worse. If you'll permit

36:35

me, that seems

36:37

rather extreme.

36:39

Whistling on a Sunday, I suppose it is, you know, it's

36:41

the Lord's Day, I guess I shouldn't have done it. But

36:45

here I am, paying my debt to society. Soon

36:47

I'll be out, only another six months. I

36:51

think it's not so bad I get three squares, forcing

36:53

me down here. I met

36:56

the punishment,

36:57

sir.

36:58

Oh no, I got

37:01

out lightly. A friend

37:03

of mine was singing on Sunday. Let's

37:06

just say he ain't singing no more. This

37:12

is an extreme, strange town.

37:16

Sounds like there's a lot of

37:17

religiosity I'm going to say in town. Can

37:20

you just scratch my nose,

37:22

dear friend? Are you here? Are

37:26

you sure? He's

37:28

struggling. You're

37:35

welcome. Did we notice

37:38

an especially permanent church on the way to town? No,

37:41

actually, there isn't. There seems

37:43

to be a church in town. Strange. You'd

37:47

expect to see one in a town this way. Overreaching

37:50

line for us, then. Um,

37:53

okay, fine. Can

37:55

we get you in it, then?

38:00

Say, is that... is that jerky? Oh...

38:03

yes.

38:04

Now, you don't have any... zebra,

38:07

do you? You know, yes.

38:10

In fact, you are in luck. Hold

38:12

on! Let me just, like... get

38:15

the enormous spindle off my back. I'm

38:17

just gonna start, like, pouring through it for some

38:19

zebra jerky. Sure.

38:21

May I feed the man some zebra jerky? Absolutely

38:24

you may, Peter. Let's... see

38:26

if that should be rolled for.

38:30

Yeah, do me a focus roll... to

38:33

not

38:33

jab him in the eye with jerky. Oh, God! It's...

38:37

you know... He's kind

38:39

of, like, moving his head around because he's...

38:42

doesn't want your hand near him. Is

38:45

his focus a skill? Ah, well, I'm

38:47

unskilled in that. And

38:49

do you subtract your minus two for everything? No,

38:52

it's just for persuasion. Well, it's

38:54

a one on the d4...

38:56

and a five... on the d6,

38:58

which minus two is, of course, a three...

39:01

which falls below the threshold. Alright, you stab

39:03

him in the eye with some zebra jerky. Ow! He says.

39:07

Oh, I'm... sorry, I... simply

39:10

stopped paying attention. Momentarily

39:14

lost focus there. Very

39:21

good. Have a Benny.

39:22

Yay!

39:24

I will never catch anything that well... again

39:27

in my life.

39:28

You've slipped it on camera, then. Yeah, true.

39:32

OK, so you're going to leave the pilloried man... Yeah,

39:34

there's not much we can do for him, really, is there? OK, you're

39:36

heading to the lucky nugget? Yeah, yeah.

39:42

This episode is brought to you by Misty Mountain

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just yet until you've seen the whole series and know how it

40:51

ends. It could go off the rails. Okay,

40:54

so you're going to walk in to

40:57

the Lucky Nugget, which is a boarding

40:59

house slash saloon. This being a

41:01

dry town, it does only serve

41:04

sarsaparilla and those various other

41:06

Victorian medicine tasting cocktails.

41:08

I order a sarsaparilla

41:09

to find out what it is.

41:11

Nobody knows.

41:13

Nobody. Even here.

41:15

The bartender cracks the top off

41:17

the bottle, pours it out for you. It is a... It's

41:21

like medicine. Yeah, medicine-y tasting

41:24

root beer style, lightly carbonated

41:26

beverage. Now tell me, Barkeep,

41:28

what's the town policy on gambling?

41:31

Um, okay,

41:33

are you, you know, like,

41:36

look around the place and start

41:38

talking to the bartender? That

41:41

sounds like a loady question. I take a sip of my

41:43

sarsaparilla and I eyeball the

41:46

rest of the dry

41:48

saloon.

41:49

Okay, well, the first thing you notice is that

41:51

the bartender has no nose.

41:53

Oh! Um...

41:55

How did he stop?

42:01

That went

42:04

somewhere down there, I'll get it right. But

42:07

apart from that, this is a nice, well-appointed

42:10

saloon. There's a sort of

42:12

spiral staircase leading up to a balcony

42:14

that runs around the top. Rooms

42:17

are leading off there, look like boarding

42:19

rooms. There's a sort of

42:22

semi-circular bar, a lot

42:25

of empty liquor

42:27

bottles, and just rooms. Just

42:30

rows and rows of Sartarula bottles

42:32

behind it. And the bartender

42:35

has no nose. Does he have

42:37

a nose hole or a metal false

42:39

nose? It's just a hole where

42:41

his nose would have been. You've probably seen not

42:43

being my strong point. I'm going to ask, how'd you lose

42:45

your nose, friend? Oh,

42:48

welcome to the lucky nugget. Good news

42:50

there. Um,

42:53

gosh, that's a very

42:55

personal question you asked me there. Well,

42:58

I had a kind of a wild youth.

43:01

I'm sure you've had

43:04

similar situations yourself, sir. We've all been

43:06

lost in our past. Not that similar.

43:09

Yeah, in our past anyway.

43:12

I was pulled up in

43:15

front of the judge for improper horse

43:17

care.

43:18

And um... Improper horse care.

43:20

Yeah, I got off lightly. They just cut my nose

43:23

off. I thought for sure I was going

43:26

to... I was for the gallows.

43:28

But no, they just cut my nose off

43:30

and sent me on my way. And how long

43:32

ago was this? Oh, this...

43:36

about a year

43:38

and a half ago, I guess. Yeah.

43:41

You seem fairly

43:44

comfortable with the

43:48

idea that this was a just

43:50

and proportionate punishment

43:53

for your quote

43:55

on quote crime. Why?

44:00

I mean have you seen the town?

44:03

It's beautiful.

44:04

Oh, I've never lived anywhere so wonderful. We

44:06

have

44:07

Freshly baked pastries in the morning

44:09

that you can smell them clean. Well They

44:15

look beautiful we have

44:17

the

44:18

Public spaces are beautifully

44:20

kept everyone that you can walk around at night

44:23

people are in and out of each other's houses You don't lock

44:25

your doors here. This town used to be a wretched

44:27

refuge for villains and thieves

44:29

and outlaws And now you can walk

44:31

the streets safely or not. I think it's a small price to

44:34

pay and

44:34

what was the key to this change? Well,

44:37

we got the new the

44:38

new judge came into town. Of course judge

44:40

Boudreau

44:41

Really cleaned up the streets. I mean,

44:43

oh you should have seen it before real

44:46

horror show out there

44:47

this

44:49

Yeah, I have the new

44:51

the new rules and regulations some you

44:53

know people come into town and they like all this

44:55

is a little harsh And blow the bearing. Mmm,

44:58

you know once you see the results you can't really argue

45:00

with them I mean honest men have

45:02

nothing to fear from the law, sir and

45:07

People who care for their horses have nothing

45:09

to fear

45:10

you're saying.

45:10

Yeah, make sure you clean your horses who

45:13

battle saw us a near

45:15

horse Visibly

45:18

shut up have some more water Why

45:23

thank you kindly?

45:24

I drink some water and I'm gonna regret

45:27

asking this

45:27

I feel like but how's

45:30

the town stance on gambling? Oh

45:32

Usually illegal. Yeah, no

45:35

doing any gambling in

45:36

in the city limits, man. Let's say

45:39

Hypothetically, we wanted to go see

45:43

judge Boudreau to

45:47

Acquaint ourselves with the town's

45:49

rules say How

45:52

and where why might we find you? Improperly

45:55

care for your horse. I would say

45:59

You mean

46:02

to say the

46:03

public have no access to

46:06

him? Oh, most people end up in front of Judge

46:08

Boonjoe sooner or later.

46:10

But like I said, honest men have nothing

46:12

to fear from the law. At this point,

46:14

the doors

46:16

swing open and two of the bluecoated

46:19

guys walk in. They see the buckets of alcohol

46:22

and they're like, Ian, you son of a bitch.

46:25

Oh, no, this is mine! And

46:30

they grab him and they drag him out. Film an alcohol!

46:33

It's illegal, Ian, you know this! And he's

46:35

all struggling and being pulled out of

46:38

the saloon by the police. But

46:41

you have nothing to fear! Can

46:44

I follow and try and plead his case? Yeah,

46:47

so he's already been pulled out of the... So,

46:50

okay, you're following afterwards. Yeah, like

46:53

down the street, going about as

46:55

fast as four-year-old zombie cats. Okay,

46:57

yeah, you go out into the street and

47:00

in the time you've been in the saloon, the

47:03

sort of the main street

47:05

is a lot more crowded now. So

47:07

as you leave the saloon, there's a lot of people in the way.

47:10

And the police and

47:13

Ian, the bartender, have been sort of dragged

47:16

slightly further away from you. But yeah, there is a large... No-no,

47:18

Ian! There is a large crowd now

47:20

in the street. What

47:23

have they gathered around, did dare

47:25

I ask? Yeah, do a notice

47:28

roll. Tell me how you do. Okay,

47:31

I do a six and

47:33

two.

47:34

So, that's six. And

47:37

another six. And

47:39

a four. Okay, 12, three raises. Three

47:41

raises. Yeah, okay,

47:43

so the crowd are all facing one way towards

47:46

the sort of main town square, where

47:50

you didn't notice it before, but it's a... There is a

47:52

gallows set up and the man that

47:54

you saw earlier being dragged out of the

47:57

saloon for public intoxication is

47:59

being led up to... to the gallows to be hanged.

48:03

And he's

48:04

protesting, shouting,

48:06

saying he didn't even know there was a law against

48:08

alcohol. I didn't even get the alcohol in

48:10

this town. I don't even know the town

48:13

he's shouting. Who's enacting this

48:15

justice? Is it just like the blue-coated

48:17

law men? The blue-coated law men are the ones dragging

48:19

him up to the gallows. There were a few

48:22

other guards stationed around, sort

48:24

of keeping an eye on the crowd. Man, it's like, please, somebody

48:26

in this town has to be normal, help me!

48:29

I can't hang a man for having a drink! Or

48:32

anything we can do. Well,

48:35

I was going to talk to those

48:38

blue-coated men to see if they would perhaps

48:42

listen to my story about Ian

48:44

being innocent. But perhaps

48:47

this is a more pressing

48:50

concern.

48:51

Should we ask them politely

48:54

not to?

48:57

Without weapons, I mean, what can we do?

48:59

Well, let's step in. We're new to town. We don't know

49:01

the rules. There's no, it's not a crime to ask. Sure,

49:04

it may be a crime to ask.

49:08

Let's take that chance.

49:10

I step up in front of the

49:11

gallows and nudge

49:14

a lawman who's otherwise unengaged

49:16

with the hanging and say, well,

49:18

now I understand that the judge that runs this town,

49:21

this doesn't seem like a court of law.

49:23

What happened to the judging part?

49:25

Oh, to speed

49:27

things up, Judge Boudreau, he

49:29

made a few offenses,

49:31

instant capital

49:33

punishment.

49:34

So public intoxication,

49:36

we don't have to go through any of that awkward trial

49:39

situation.

49:40

Just get them up on the gallows, get them hanged, and over

49:43

to Boot Hill. What about innocent till proven guilty,

49:45

is that a thing? Oh boy. Oh, Harry, Harry.

49:50

Oh, I'm gonna get him. He's gonna be a failure.

49:52

I'm gonna get him.

50:01

They find this concept quite amusing.

50:05

So the man is still struggling, they're

50:07

sort of putting

50:08

a hood over his head and they're

50:11

getting the

50:12

nice setup. Can

50:14

I clump my way up onto the platform? Sure.

50:17

Like with my fails. Like, excuse

50:19

me fellas.

50:22

Yeah, the viewing area is down there old timer.

50:24

No, well first thing I am

50:27

profoundly myopic. But

50:29

secondly, this seems somewhat

50:32

extreme if you ask

50:35

me. Why not just let this man go

50:38

and make him swear never to

50:40

return to Fort Parker.

50:44

And then what happens when he comes back all drunk? Start

50:47

bothering people in the streets. What then?

50:49

Perhaps then you can enact punishment,

50:53

find him, say.

50:56

I just feel that stretching

50:59

this poor soul's neck is perhaps a

51:01

little extreme.

51:03

Well,

51:04

if we let him go when he comes back,

51:06

then we've got a whole lot of extra work to do. But

51:09

if we hang him now, he'll never do it again.

51:12

What's the mood of the crowd? Are they terrified

51:15

or are they sort of like yeah, you know what, this is entirely

51:17

fair. Yeah, they're all sort of, yeah, they're

51:19

all just waiting for the hanging. Wow.

51:23

It's just that son, I

51:25

do not mean to talk down to

51:27

you, but I am a professional

51:30

grave digger by trade and I just tell

51:33

you, dig in your grave. You should be glad there's plenty

51:35

of graves need digging here in town. Well, I'm semi-retired

51:38

on account of being old and

51:41

some other, let's

51:43

call them health complications.

51:46

It is an awful lot of work to dig a

51:48

grave much more than running

51:51

a man out of town. I'm

51:53

just trying to understand your methodology.

51:56

It's

51:57

not my methodology, friend. It's been passed.

51:59

down from the

52:02

higher court of Judge Boudreaux.

52:04

Yes. May we speak

52:07

with Judge Boudreaux? No.

52:10

Oh. Tell

52:17

me, how hypothetically

52:19

speaking, a man down

52:22

there mentions some crimes are instantly

52:26

punishable by death. I'm

52:29

taking the air of this

52:32

town, I'm going to assume that a cursing

52:34

is illegal. It

52:38

certainly is. Is that

52:40

a crime that would result in

52:43

a trial, perhaps in front of

52:46

Judge Boudreaux? Well,

52:49

yeah, you can't just hang a man for cursing.

52:52

Well, I know, you gotta go through a whole show trial first,

52:54

and then you hang a man for cursing. I'm

52:57

going to sort of look

52:59

at Silas and got it. They

53:04

can kill you if you're already dead.

53:07

It's double jeopardy. Well,

53:12

that could start my good man. Um,

53:15

heck. Um,

53:18

furthermore, and um, ninnie. He

53:30

is fully taken aback and shocked.

53:33

Um, you just, to

53:35

two of the others, you come running over and start

53:38

wrestling you into some hack-ups. Oh,

53:41

beans. Oh, he said beans! That's even worse!

53:43

Get him in there, get

53:45

him out of here! They

53:50

saw that you three arrived together. Yep.

53:53

And they're taking a look at you now. You

53:55

got something you want to say?

53:57

I'm this man's advocate.

53:59

Oh, use representation.

54:02

Absolutely.

54:03

Well,

54:04

can I see your law license?

54:06

I don't have it. Impersonating

54:09

your law, man. Oh, boy. Crap

54:12

it on! I'm

54:14

fine! So, yeah, they start wrestling

54:16

you into some hang-ups. Okay,

54:18

alright. I'm

54:20

interested in like a belly.

54:24

How many colours are in that waistcoat, man?

54:29

Can't red, blue, gold... Three

54:31

colours in a waistcoat! Everyone

54:34

knows vests in Fort Parker have to be two colours or

54:36

fewer. Now you're making this

54:38

up, sir. Show me the charter.

54:40

He shows you the charter where it's

54:42

vests. That's good. You're

54:45

not gonna do that. And

54:47

she's set a curse! Okay, um,

54:50

these men are gonna try and put you in irons. Would

54:52

you like to resist, or... No. Is

54:56

the hanging going on concurrently with

54:58

this arrest? They're sort of getting

55:01

the hanging ready. They're

55:03

moving it into position. It's all going ahead. Oh. It

55:06

hasn't been hanged yet.

55:08

Well, we tried, kind of. Now

55:11

we're arrested. Okay,

55:14

um, is there any point

55:16

in resisting this? Probably not, I

55:18

guess. There's gonna be a lot of moormen around,

55:20

right? Yeah, it is pretty law-heavy.

55:24

I'm assuming it's like the biggest employer in town.

55:27

Yeah. I mean, the

55:29

two types of people here are very well-to-do looking

55:32

people and lawmen, basically. Okay. Well,

55:35

we're in for a penny and for a pound.

55:36

I see the pocket knife

55:38

and

55:39

start hacking at the hanging,

55:41

nice. Okay, um, sure.

55:43

Yeah, do me a... What's that gonna

55:45

be? Do me an athletics roll. An

55:48

athletics roll? Oh, okay. Oh,

55:54

dang. Dangin' heck. I

55:57

like to spend a penny. She's still doing

55:58

it. Okay, it's a double

56:01

six.

56:05

It's a double six. Nice. I

56:07

feel like they're special. They both score.

56:09

They both do both? They both explode. They

56:11

both explode. It's just a double ace. Okay, and that's

56:13

a three and a two. So six plus three is nine. Yeah,

56:18

great. That's a success.

56:20

Yeah, okay. You saw through

56:21

the rope. Alright, the guy drops to

56:23

the... Drops through the... The trap

56:25

door hasn't been opened yet. Oh, okay. Drops to

56:27

the stage. Yeah. Go man, go

56:29

run. Okay, he sort of looks at you

56:31

and he just pitches backwards off the platform.

56:34

Yeah. And then he starts running. And

56:36

how does he do? Well, he's wearing a hood. Ah.

56:39

Let's find out. Oh, God. Okay.

56:42

He

56:42

runs into a tree. But... He dies.

56:46

Okay, he does

56:48

run into a tree and hurts himself,

56:51

and

56:53

he gets back up and he's running away. He

56:58

is running away. It

57:00

looks like with

57:02

the commotion that's going on with you three, he might make it. Okay.

57:05

Alright, lock me up then. Okay,

57:08

so three of you are in handcuffs.

57:11

You're dragged across the street to the courthouse. So,

57:15

which is like I said, a sort of large neoclassical

57:18

building, a lot of white marble and

57:22

statue tree

57:23

and paintings.

57:25

Smells of like floor polish and

57:28

wood. Yeah, and you're

57:30

taken into a sort of holding room

57:33

off the main lobby. The

57:35

men sort of dump you down here and they're, wait here, you're the

57:38

public defender will be here in a minute.

57:44

Okay. So, the door rather than

57:46

like a sort of jail cell bar? This

57:49

is more of a like courtroom holding rather

57:52

than a jail cell. And we're

57:54

in here. It's just the three of us. Yeah,

57:56

so there's like a long bench used to wait. Alright.

57:59

I'd like to have a look around the room, I

58:02

guess, you know, immediately, as soon as we're in. Yep,

58:05

yeah, it's much like the lobby, it's

58:07

a sort of white marble room, the bench

58:09

is a sort of dark wood. There's a large painting

58:12

on the wall of...

58:15

Wait, it's

58:17

a man who looks

58:19

quite similar to the man from the Wanted's post

58:21

of the usual, but he's

58:23

grown a sort of

58:24

kernel-style beard, his hair is kind of

58:26

greyer than

58:27

it was, because it's a mounted

58:30

painting, he's on a white horse and he's

58:32

holding a flag,

58:34

a big, you

58:36

know, patriotic flag,

58:38

and he's sort of looking towards the glorious future.

58:41

Right, okay. In this painting. How big

58:43

is the painting?

58:43

It's most of the wall.

58:45

Most of the wall, okay. God, that horse must be at least

58:48

life-sized. Oh god, oh. Very

58:51

detailed, actually, the eyes seem to follow you. Oh

58:54

no, oh god. Make me a spirit roll.

58:57

Make me a what roll? A spirit roll. A spirit

58:59

roll, okay, all right. Yeah,

59:05

that's a six and a six. Okay. I

59:07

steal myself. All right, you steal yourself against

59:09

the horse's penetrating gaze.

59:13

Does the door open

59:16

outward to the corridor or inward to the room? Forward

59:20

to the corridor. Cool.

59:22

I like to take the painting off and just put it in front of

59:24

the door.

59:25

Okay. And I'm going to listen for it to open. I mean, it

59:27

is an enormous painting. Yeah, well, give

59:30

me a hand. It is

59:32

affixed to the wall with screws.

59:34

So okay, make me an athletics roll.

59:36

Got it, all right. This I can

59:38

do for you.

59:41

I have a six and a four. Okay. Roll

59:44

it again.

59:45

And a three. Okay, how are you getting the, how

59:47

are you unfastening it?

59:50

Through pure rage. Okay,

59:52

all right, you punch the painting off the wall. Yeah. And

59:55

it sort of like falls towards you. It's

59:57

like wider than your arm span. Great. Perfect.

59:59

You're

1:00:00

sort of

1:00:01

awkwardly like maneuvering it

1:00:03

across.

1:00:05

Okay, fine. Yep. So the painting is now

1:00:07

in front of the door. Okay. Good.

1:00:09

You hear the door open. Right, and

1:00:11

I want to punch through the painting. Okay. You

1:00:15

are wearing handcuffs.

1:00:16

Oh yeah, okay. I'd like to headbutt through the painting. Okay.

1:00:21

Okay, make me

1:00:23

a fighting rule, please.

1:00:26

We're sitting

1:00:28

on a bench just like this. Oh, wow.

1:00:30

Another couple

1:00:33

of sixes. I love these dice. I love these dice.

1:00:37

And another six and a three and

1:00:40

a five.

1:00:42

Okay, so you headbutt

1:00:45

the painting. Your head goes through the painting. So

1:00:48

now your head is sticking through the painting and you are face

1:00:50

to face with a sort

1:00:53

of diminutive man who's wearing a checked jacket

1:00:55

and a bow tie. You've

1:00:59

just sort of stuck your head through the painting. You haven't

1:01:01

connected with the... With those numbers.

1:01:04

Yeah, I mean, the man is not... He

1:01:06

had to open the door outward. So unless you put

1:01:08

a three foot neck, I don't think you're connecting.

1:01:11

Oh, I've had to have a three foot neck. Please,

1:01:13

please, please tell me that his

1:01:15

head has replaced the horse. Yep.

1:01:21

You get a benny for that and you get a benny for that. About

1:01:23

to have a three foot neck. Yeah,

1:01:28

so your head is now replaced.

1:01:31

I'm going to go and

1:01:33

go, I plead insanity.

1:01:41

Yes, I can see that would be

1:01:43

a good defense. Hello, by

1:01:45

the way, I'm your defender. I've

1:01:48

a bit overworked on the public defender. So

1:01:51

I've got lots of cases on at the moment. What

1:01:53

is it? Sorry, I'm supposed to come

1:01:55

into the room, but I think... I'm

1:01:59

going to go and muffle my way up. through the painting yeah

1:02:02

no that's gonna work how about we just sort of

1:02:04

just move

1:02:10

this move this back

1:02:12

a bit you're sort of pushing the painting

1:02:15

we could poke our heads

1:02:18

so it's

1:02:21

through some extremely awkward maneuvering

1:02:23

demand manages

1:02:26

to get into the room with you

1:02:28

okay so let's

1:02:30

you're sort of propped up again and your hands again hank

1:02:32

us I'm amazing you managed to get it off the wall

1:02:42

oh my good roles yeah

1:02:45

okay so hello

1:02:46

I'm Jerry ferret I'm

1:02:49

your like the horse

1:02:51

Jerry Jerry the horse don't

1:02:53

worry okay yeah

1:02:55

I'm Jerry ferret I'm

1:02:58

the public defender here and

1:03:01

I'll be looking to get you off

1:03:03

the hook for your crimes that

1:03:06

you did what were they what's what what

1:03:08

are you in for folks what's going on with the

1:03:10

crimes practice in law

1:03:12

without a license Oh well you

1:03:14

can see we also

1:03:26

interrupted

1:03:32

a hang and I

1:03:34

believe or at least I hope helped

1:03:38

the condemned to escape

1:03:40

yeah we aged in the bested Oh No

1:03:43

judge Boudreaux loves the hanging if

1:03:46

you stop one from happening he's oh he's

1:03:48

gonna be angry Oh No Oh Jerry Oh No

1:03:53

what are we looking at here Jerry Oh

1:03:56

a stain of a pillory Oh

1:03:58

fine perhaps A

1:04:00

slap on the wrist perhaps? Yes,

1:04:03

I would accept a slap on the

1:04:06

wrist. Yeah, well try a slap on your neck with

1:04:09

a rope. Because that's what you'll be

1:04:11

getting. You

1:04:13

seem very stressed. May I

1:04:15

offer you some corn whiskey? Corn

1:04:18

whiskey? Oh, isn't England town? How did you even get in here with

1:04:20

that? Oh, I sort of walked in. Ah,

1:04:24

seems like someone should have noticed that.

1:04:26

Yeah, no, you've really dropped the ball.

1:04:29

It was a town.

1:04:29

Oh my goodness. So is

1:04:32

that a no? Oh no. Oh.

1:04:35

Jerry. Oh, oh, Mum said it

1:04:37

would be like this. Jerry,

1:04:39

Jerry. What? Are you any good at this job?

1:04:41

No. Erigan,

1:04:44

I just, I was

1:04:46

in town and

1:04:47

I got pulled up

1:04:49

before the judge for excessive sneezing. And they said

1:04:51

I could do public service as a, as

1:04:54

a

1:04:55

sentence. Now I've got to work this job and I don't

1:04:57

even know anything about law.

1:04:59

Practicing without a license. No, I've got a license.

1:05:01

I can get you in. They gave me a license.

1:05:05

Useless. Anything?

1:05:08

Between us, Jerry,

1:05:12

how many of your colleagues

1:05:14

came into their jobs via

1:05:17

similar circumstances? Well,

1:05:21

public service is, you know, sometimes

1:05:24

if it amuses the judge. He likes

1:05:26

to do it, but sure. I don't

1:05:28

know. A lot of people sign up because they like

1:05:30

it. They like to push people around. How

1:05:32

long until you fall foul on the law?

1:05:36

Before I fell foul?

1:05:38

Before you fall foul on the law again.

1:05:40

Oh, well, I don't really leave the

1:05:42

courthouse. So I don't

1:05:44

know.

1:05:46

Probably,

1:05:48

well, if they find me with this corn whiskey.

1:05:51

Or the hole in the painting. Oh,

1:05:53

oh gosh.

1:05:54

Old Jerry's for the news for sure. Well

1:05:57

then, why not let us go and... You

1:06:00

know, we can take care of withdrawal.

1:06:03

Oh, then I'll definitely be for the news. I'm not

1:06:05

stupid. Have you ever heard

1:06:08

the saying that if you cut off

1:06:10

the head of a snake... You

1:06:13

cut off the head of a snake? No, no, it's

1:06:15

more of a hard... Oh, that's a hanging offence. ...it's

1:06:18

a hypothetical situation. But

1:06:20

if you cut off the head of a snake, it

1:06:23

tends to be fatal for the

1:06:26

whole thing... It

1:06:29

being as it is no longer a whole...

1:06:31

You cut my head off and it'll be fatal for me? Yes.

1:06:34

You're already in trouble, Jerry. What? We're

1:06:36

just saying, if we were to deal

1:06:39

with Boudreaux, and for

1:06:41

clarity here,

1:06:42

by that we mean to kill him... Um,

1:06:46

surely the rest of the town will

1:06:48

naturally migrate to

1:06:51

a system of law that is slightly

1:06:53

less punitive. Yes.

1:06:58

Yeah, that sounds lovely in practice.

1:07:01

Or theory.

1:07:03

I don't know, I'd never know how to learn my words. But

1:07:07

that's not how it works in this town, sir. And

1:07:09

now...

1:07:10

You're already in it, Jerry. You've

1:07:13

all got to come with me. It's time for your court

1:07:15

date. Oh, a court.

1:07:19

So, a couple of the

1:07:21

blue photos.

1:07:23

Policemen, they come in. They

1:07:26

extract you from the painting, Silas.

1:07:29

They're trying to

1:07:32

sort of get the horse face back, because they think they might

1:07:34

get in trouble for this broken painting as well. But

1:07:37

yeah, you are led through to the courtroom, where you are taken

1:07:39

to the defendant dock.

1:07:41

Again, this is a large sort of

1:07:43

white marble room. A

1:07:46

lot of dark wood, paintings of prominent

1:07:49

social figures on the wall.

1:07:51

There is a box of the

1:07:53

jury. There are a lot of

1:07:55

well-to-do people sat

1:07:57

in the box, sort of observing through all the glasses.

1:08:01

Watching like that. And then,

1:08:04

yeah, you sit down in your seats and then you hear

1:08:08

the Bayless comes in and

1:08:09

he says, All rise for

1:08:11

the honourable judge Mortimer Todd Boudreau!

1:08:15

Everyone stands up.

1:08:17

It's going to

1:08:19

take me a

1:08:20

while. Okay, fine. So yeah,

1:08:23

in walks this man who's wearing Judge's robes. In

1:08:27

the painting he has the sort of Colonel

1:08:29

Sanders style beard and mustache.

1:08:32

His hair is parted. He's wearing

1:08:34

white shirt and a colourful bow tie. How many

1:08:37

colours?

1:08:38

Yeah,

1:08:40

four or five. Son

1:08:42

of a gun! No

1:08:45

justice. Someone hears you say son of

1:08:47

a gun and they know that down here.

1:08:52

Okay, so yeah, he walks up

1:08:54

to the judge's

1:08:57

box, seat, pulpit, whatever

1:08:59

you call her, and judge sits. And

1:09:02

he says, All right, honour! Order! Shut your

1:09:04

butts, everybody! Order in

1:09:06

my courtroom!

1:09:08

Everybody shut up! Butts is a

1:09:10

curse word. Honourable judge M.T. Boudreau

1:09:12

is presiding.

1:09:14

Now,

1:09:16

what do we have here?

1:09:18

Takes a good long look at all

1:09:20

of you.

1:09:21

And he turns to

1:09:24

the council. He's like, What

1:09:27

are they all in for? And Jerry

1:09:29

starts... Well, they... He's

1:09:33

like, Get this

1:09:35

idiot out of here! And the bailiffs

1:09:37

sort of pick up Jerry and carry him

1:09:40

out of there. And he's like, Oh,

1:09:42

okay, well, good luck in this one. He's

1:09:45

taken away. Yeah,

1:09:48

so...

1:09:50

Yeah, it looks like you'll

1:09:52

be defending yourself. Oh, man. Okay. All

1:09:55

right, now, why don't you tell me what

1:09:57

you're all in for? Where

1:09:59

is he?

1:09:59

to put the system on trial. That's

1:10:02

bold. Yes. I

1:10:07

agree. By all means. Did

1:10:14

you have anything further? I'd like to. We

1:10:19

haven't had any time to prepare our case, Your Honor.

1:10:22

That was it. Alright,

1:10:24

well, give me your computer, town charter. Well,

1:10:27

let's have a look at the charges, shall we? Now,

1:10:30

we have a charge of

1:10:33

wearing a three-coloured vest.

1:10:37

Where's your evidence? Order!

1:10:47

Order! Y'all shut up now,

1:10:49

Mark Cobb. Were they laughing? Did

1:10:51

the crowd enjoy that? There was some gasping,

1:10:55

a little laughing, yeah. Okay, good. You're

1:10:57

wearing a damn waistcoat right now, I can see it with

1:10:59

my eyes.

1:11:01

So am I.

1:11:03

How about you, old fellow, what's got it? Cousin! Yes,

1:11:07

I said, um, beans, um,

1:11:09

hank, or gas. Order!

1:11:12

Order ain't doing it again! We

1:11:15

will not turn my courthouse into

1:11:17

a house of cousin, foul

1:11:20

mouthing. I was quoting

1:11:22

myself, which is, um,

1:11:25

really more just answering

1:11:27

your question. You came

1:11:30

in, sir, and said, butts.

1:11:34

Well, butts ain't a curse, but I

1:11:36

was talking about barrels that

1:11:39

used to store things in. But these

1:11:41

people don't have barrels used

1:11:43

to store things in the sit-down. Oh, you know how

1:11:45

many barrels these people have all in, Mark Cobb!

1:11:48

Goodness me.

1:11:49

That's right!

1:11:51

I'm the judge in charge here, old man.

1:11:53

You shut your butt. How

1:11:57

about you, in

1:11:58

your stupid hat and dress? you jacket

1:12:01

okay all right I'm getting angry now

1:12:04

oh no you're

1:12:07

lighting my fuse judge

1:12:09

you're you're putting the putting

1:12:11

the spark to the fuse you're really starting

1:12:13

to piss me off whoa hold

1:12:17

on there cussing at me with words like piss

1:12:19

you just said piss yeah I can say

1:12:21

it I'm the judge piss oh

1:12:24

no oh they're

1:12:26

my card are you cussing up a storm

1:12:28

ain't nobody cussing my call house let's

1:12:30

just load himself one rule

1:12:33

for him one rule for the rest

1:12:35

of us I'm like appealing to the jury now

1:12:37

um the jury the jury I just sort of talking

1:12:39

among themselves

1:12:41

they

1:12:43

appear unmoved

1:12:44

by your by your please oh my

1:12:46

gosh has never stubbed his toe huh what

1:12:50

do you say when you stop your toe

1:12:53

do me a persuasion wrong want to see

1:12:55

how persuasive this argument is to the jury

1:13:00

not terribly two

1:13:02

three two three no it isn't

1:13:05

the jury all that would say bother

1:13:08

oh goodness that's

1:13:11

right they would they would say bother oh goodness would

1:13:14

cut would sign me up like yours come

1:13:17

my call house turn in a house of ill

1:13:20

repute

1:13:21

are you I see a bunch of criminals

1:13:24

that's um you got some papers

1:13:26

on his on his desk he's

1:13:28

going through those and he says you know we had a

1:13:31

lot of unsolved crimes here in town

1:13:33

too and I've been going through some of the goings-on

1:13:35

around here

1:13:37

you know ma'am

1:13:39

you look an awful lot like the description

1:13:41

of a woman wanted in connection

1:13:45

with the explosion of a valuable Sasquatch

1:13:47

you know anything about that doesn't

1:13:49

sound like you're a jurisdiction judge order

1:13:52

everything in my jurisdiction around here in

1:13:58

that place in Fort Parker

1:13:59

As I understand it,

1:14:01

Crime is crime lady.

1:14:03

And if I hear about crime that is happening, you

1:14:06

hear that? She all but admitted to

1:14:08

it. Said that she did it

1:14:10

in another jurisdiction. No, uh... Your

1:14:12

Honor I did not. So what you're saying is

1:14:14

we can be tried from crimes outside

1:14:16

of the world. You may try for whatever I want to try you

1:14:18

for. Damn.

1:14:20

Punk and Lily.

1:14:22

What you haven't considered is our diplomatic

1:14:24

immunity.

1:14:25

Yes. Now

1:14:29

what diplomatic immunity would that be?

1:14:31

Well, we're from... Spain.

1:14:36

German. You're from

1:14:38

Spain. Yes. Yeah,

1:14:41

that's right. This is the uh, the

1:14:44

uh, In-fanta of um,

1:14:47

Madrid.

1:14:49

The In-fanta of Madrid. Yes.

1:14:52

My courthouse. Well hello,

1:14:54

my lady. Such an honor

1:14:57

to have you here. Well we'll just take you on

1:14:59

a message then. Please speak to me in Spanish. Then, hola

1:15:02

and goodbye. I

1:15:05

would like to just uh, I took

1:15:08

a d4 in Spanish. Aha.

1:15:11

So I'd just like to start... Wow you did. Just

1:15:13

prevaricating. Okay.

1:15:15

Just trying to... Don it. ...do a biblioteca.

1:15:18

I'm trying to be like,

1:15:19

the In-fanta prefers not to speak Spanish

1:15:22

outside of her home country because

1:15:25

uh, she uh, it's more

1:15:27

like uh,

1:15:29

it like, she like,

1:15:32

she wants to integrate more with other cultures and

1:15:35

learn their beauty and uh,

1:15:38

stuff like that.

1:15:39

I didn't understand. What did you just say?

1:15:42

Vivo en las afueras?

1:15:45

Um,

1:15:46

con me um...

1:15:49

Freakin' Spanish is now legal

1:15:51

in Fort Parker!

1:15:54

Listen here, judge. Is your record

1:15:57

spotless?

1:16:00

yes oh for all

1:16:02

you know my card house what

1:16:05

why do I have this I'm gonna produce the wanted

1:16:07

poster that we

1:16:09

have been studying all the way over to

1:16:11

Fort Parker to make sure we know what food road looks like

1:16:14

I'm just gonna roll unroll it and display

1:16:16

it to the

1:16:17

jury speaking

1:16:20

as a former law man myself I

1:16:23

believe this is evidence of work

1:16:26

okay

1:16:27

do a equation well I would

1:16:30

like to spend penny

1:16:38

yes you can have one of my bennies I

1:16:40

will roll again

1:16:42

that is a six and four let's

1:16:44

go baby animal

1:16:48

let's go baby okay

1:16:50

so there is a slight sort of murmur

1:16:52

runs runs to the jury

1:16:54

and a murderer stands

1:16:56

in front of you blaming to be

1:16:59

a judge Bailiff get that off him bring

1:17:01

it over here Oh Bailiff

1:17:04

comes over to you and takes the

1:17:05

one brings up the

1:17:07

judge

1:17:08

oh yeah they make these up at the carnival

1:17:11

every year I had one of these done

1:17:13

last year the

1:17:14

novelty you

1:17:16

get these anywhere it proves nothing

1:17:18

order shut up shut your butt

1:17:23

well I'm out now

1:17:25

that I look at you you match the description of

1:17:27

a fellow people looking for in connection

1:17:29

with some kind of murder a hospital

1:17:32

somewhere wouldn't know what you're talking about

1:17:35

no it was Hobbs and sanatorium

1:17:37

fella fella looking like you

1:17:40

my understanding was he was dressed much fancier

1:17:42

than me also someone wanted in connection

1:17:45

with stealing the fine suit of clothes from senator

1:17:47

Julius Waxman yep

1:17:49

doesn't tell me and

1:17:51

as for you old-timer why you look

1:17:54

just like somebody wanted for grave

1:17:56

Robin

1:17:57

that's right the grave of a man named

1:17:59

the devil

1:17:59

Nathaniel Jansen was found

1:18:02

robbed, nobody inside!

1:18:05

Did someone match in your description was seen near

1:18:07

the coffin? Well, I would imagine somebody

1:18:09

matching my description was seen

1:18:12

near the coffin because I was

1:18:14

in it. I am Nathaniel

1:18:16

Jansen. HAHAHA! You're

1:18:18

Nathaniel Jansen? Yes. Nathaniel Jansen's

1:18:21

dead order! Yes, I know! I'm gonna

1:18:23

show him my death wound.

1:18:26

Okay, um...

1:18:28

Now, quick, make some bugs, Beryl. Boom!

1:18:31

Um... Yeah, that... He

1:18:33

is genuinely taking it back to play, by the

1:18:35

way. He's just...

1:18:37

What in the hell? Who the hell

1:18:39

are you, old man? Well, um...

1:18:42

You say yourself, I'm an old

1:18:45

man.

1:18:46

Mostly. What do

1:18:50

you mean mostly? Well, um... For

1:18:53

a certain amount of time a night,

1:18:55

between one and six hours,

1:18:58

depending on chance, um...

1:19:02

I'm not so much asleep as I

1:19:04

am the husk of an old man being

1:19:06

controlled by a vengeful evil

1:19:09

spirit. Well, I don't know

1:19:11

what the hell that is, but it sounds illegal

1:19:13

as hell to me! Oh no, it's

1:19:16

perfectly legal. Um... On

1:19:19

account of the law not having really caught up with

1:19:21

this kind of thing, as I understand. Well,

1:19:24

it seems to me, old man, the law just caught up with it. It's

1:19:26

illegal now! Order!

1:19:28

Order! Order!

1:19:29

Order!

1:19:32

Order!

1:19:37

I've

1:19:42

heard enough. I've heard all I need to hear

1:19:44

out of all three of y'all.

1:19:46

Turns to the jury and is like, we're going guilty!

1:19:49

And they're like, hm? I

1:19:53

find all three of y'all guilty

1:19:56

of being fast talking, trigger

1:19:58

happy smart mouthed Too good and no

1:20:00

nothing, punk and lily, owl hoots! And

1:20:03

I send all three of y'all to hang by the neck

1:20:05

and puke y'all B.J.!

1:20:08

It's right!

1:20:10

You're just to the other side of the

1:20:12

courtroom, and some of the bailiffs, they

1:20:14

pull a sheet off a gallows,

1:20:16

which is right there. What?! In the courthouse. There's

1:20:18

one in the courtroom! That's right! There's one in the courthouse!

1:20:21

It saves us a lot of time! We're

1:20:24

going with you first, old man!

1:20:26

Bailiff! Oh! Is

1:20:29

this really necessary? Yes.

1:20:34

Oh! Yes, it's necessary!

1:20:37

Crime has to be punished! Then

1:20:40

here we go again, I suppose. Okay,

1:20:44

so the bailiffs are going to

1:20:46

drag Nate over to the gallows. They're

1:20:49

going to put a noose around your neck. Not

1:20:53

going to give you a hood.

1:20:54

I got it. Boudreau seems

1:20:57

to want to watch you get your medicine. Any

1:20:59

last words, old man? No! No!

1:21:04

Someone write that down!

1:21:07

Alright! Pull the labour! One

1:21:11

of the bailiffs... It's not a very

1:21:13

high gallows, so it's not like a drop

1:21:16

in a breaking of neck thing. It's

1:21:18

one of the strangulation ones. Oh, fun! So yeah,

1:21:21

the trap door opens. I

1:21:24

guess you just dangle there. Oh, man! While

1:21:29

everyone's watching this, is there... Or is everyone

1:21:31

watching this? Are they all sort of distracted by

1:21:34

this stuff? Yeah, they're watching

1:21:36

the hanging show. I'd like to back up to one of the guards

1:21:39

and try and like...

1:21:40

I'm trying half inch up like

1:21:42

a pistol. The guards are watching you. That's their

1:21:45

job. Yeah, I guess so. The people. Well, they're not

1:21:47

at all distracted by the hanging guy. Alright.

1:21:50

You are... Okay, so you're handcuffed and they're

1:21:52

watching you. So this will be at a minus

1:21:54

four. Minus four. Okay. And it'll

1:21:56

be a stealth roll. Stealth roll. Dang.

1:21:59

Okay.

1:21:59

Meanwhile,

1:22:02

Nate, you just sort of...

1:22:03

Yeah, so Nate doesn't need to breathe. I

1:22:06

think the only reason he voluntarily takes

1:22:08

air into his lungs to have something to push over his vocals.

1:22:11

So he's not even like, struggling,

1:22:14

he's just kind of like... Swinging. Gently,

1:22:17

back and forth. Okay, I'm going to roll

1:22:19

his stealth roll. I don't need to give you a...

1:22:21

How many guards are there watching

1:22:24

the defendant's box? There are

1:22:26

four guards watching the defendant's box. There's

1:22:28

a couple more in the room. There's

1:22:31

a bailiff who is also armed. And

1:22:33

then a

1:22:34

couple other guards next to where Judge Boudreau

1:22:37

is

1:22:37

on the desk. Alright,

1:22:39

I'm going to roll his stealth roll anyway. That's

1:22:41

two ones. Can

1:22:43

I spend the money or is that not allowed? Not on a critical

1:22:45

pay me. Not on a critical pay me. I'll snake

1:22:47

eyes. Okay, you

1:22:50

try to... God.

1:22:53

You try to get the gun out of the guy's pocket. I'm

1:22:56

going to shoot with love in the ass. Well,

1:23:01

I need to come clean about one of my hindrances

1:23:03

here. Oh yeah. Which is trouble

1:23:06

magnet major. Which means

1:23:08

if something goes wrong with me, it goes extra wrong. But

1:23:11

just in case it does come true that you draw his gun

1:23:13

and accidentally it goes off.

1:23:15

Right. It will hit me.

1:23:17

Through my ass. Okay.

1:23:21

How? Trick shot. Well, GM,

1:23:23

how's it going down? Okay,

1:23:26

you try to pull the gun. Yeah. I'm

1:23:28

like backed up, arms behind. It

1:23:31

flips up out of the holster and clatters to

1:23:34

the floor and discharges.

1:23:36

And the bullet

1:23:39

flies across the room towards

1:23:41

Nate. Okay,

1:23:44

yeah, it's going to go through Nate's shoulder.

1:23:48

He can't be killed! It's

1:23:50

a sign! I have to do a damage

1:23:52

roll for the guy's gun and

1:23:54

see if it exceeds Nate's. Okay, yeah, yeah.

1:23:57

My toughness is five. Okay.

1:24:00

What gun would this guy have

1:24:02

for now? Why

1:24:06

is it probably a cult peacemaker? What's the damage on

1:24:08

that? It is a

1:24:10

2d6 or something.

1:24:13

Okay,

1:24:19

that's a 6.

1:24:21

You're shaken

1:24:23

but you're not wounded. Okay.

1:24:27

Judge is like, what the hell is going on? Why isn't

1:24:29

this man not dead? It's a sign

1:24:32

of justice, is that being done? Hell,

1:24:34

is something wrong with the rope or something? Cut

1:24:37

him down! Cut him down! So,

1:24:39

um, one of the bailiffs comes over and

1:24:42

cuts you, cuts you down,

1:24:43

and then you fall down in a heap. And

1:24:46

I send out for some stronger rope! This

1:24:49

damn

1:24:50

punk and lily rope,

1:24:52

they are ordered up from some

1:24:55

town. I don't even get, get

1:24:57

me some stronger rope! Order,

1:25:00

y'all. Putting you

1:25:02

in jail for the night. We'll hang you tomorrow. Stronger,

1:25:05

sharper, give me sharp rope! Sharp,

1:25:08

sharper thing? What's

1:25:10

sharp in it? Well,

1:25:13

I don't know. Use a wet,

1:25:16

metal rope!

1:25:18

Who makes

1:25:21

a bad workman always blames his

1:25:23

tools? Blame you, you

1:25:25

tool! He shouts. And

1:25:29

yeah, he's just furious. He's like, Ah,

1:25:31

hell! He just storms out of the courthouse.

1:25:34

The three of you are sort of gathered up by

1:25:37

the bailiffs and some of

1:25:39

the guards. Yeah, so he stalks out of the

1:25:41

room. He's like, take them to lock up, take their

1:25:44

stuff and put it in the evidence locker and

1:25:46

get me some rope! Order!

1:25:51

And then he stalks out of the room. Yeah, the three

1:25:54

of you are cuffed,

1:25:56

taken out. You're taken through

1:25:58

a sort of winding series of cocks. corridors to

1:26:02

an actual cell this time. So

1:26:04

it's a sort of

1:26:07

medium-sized stone

1:26:09

room. The door is like heavy

1:26:11

wood. It's got a window

1:26:14

with bars across it, large

1:26:18

sort of heavy lock. The guard

1:26:21

pushes you all in there and says,

1:26:24

Judge Boudreau, we'll see you in the morning. He

1:26:26

slams the door and I think

1:26:29

we'll leave it there. Cool. We're

1:26:31

in trouble. Yeah.

1:26:33

Amazing.

1:26:46

So coming back to the misconception

1:26:50

that I started

1:26:52

out with, I thought it was going to be, and I

1:26:54

think I say, is this a religion thing? Is

1:26:57

this a religiosity

1:26:58

thing? I thought maybe it was a very

1:27:01

hyper-peritanical, extremely judgmental

1:27:03

town.

1:27:08

And it is,

1:27:12

but not for that reason. I

1:27:15

thought it was going to be an

1:27:16

extremely exacting

1:27:19

cult of some kind. Right.

1:27:21

I was trying to go for

1:27:24

a town with just incredibly overbearing laws.

1:27:27

I think the inspiration for this episode, there's an

1:27:29

episode of the Tales from the Crypt

1:27:32

TV series from the 90s called

1:27:35

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime, which stars Catherine

1:27:37

O'Hara. So already it's good.

1:27:41

And Peter McNichol, the guy who played

1:27:43

John Cage in Ally McBeal, he was also in

1:27:45

Ghostbusters Oh boy. Okay.

1:27:49

So, yeah, about this kind

1:27:51

of ambulance chasing lawyer

1:27:53

who ends up in a small town

1:27:56

where every crime is sort of punished extremely

1:27:58

harshly. Okay.

1:27:59

that's a really cool, really creepy setup.

1:28:03

So I wanted to sort of deal with that. As a

1:28:06

sort of starting jumping off point, I knew what

1:28:09

I wanted my villain to be. The

1:28:12

concept of a hanging judge as

1:28:15

a kind of Old West concept, there was a guy called Isaac

1:28:17

Parker, who was known as the hanging

1:28:19

judge, which is why I called the town

1:28:21

Fall Parker.

1:28:22

But I thought it'd be a really interesting

1:28:25

dynamic to have

1:28:27

a town where it was quite common in Old

1:28:29

West towns for you to have to surrender weapons when you came

1:28:31

in. Is that right? Okay. Yeah, like

1:28:34

places would ask you to sort of register your weapons with

1:28:36

the sheriff. And when you left,

1:28:38

you could pick them back up. I thought it'd

1:28:40

be interesting to have everyone surrender their weapons,

1:28:44

I guess probably get locked up and then have

1:28:46

to sort of rely on their wits and their other

1:28:49

abilities to get out of jail rather than just shooting

1:28:51

everyone all the time. Yeah. So

1:28:54

yeah, I thought that would be an interesting sort of

1:28:56

challenge for the players.

1:28:58

And yeah, that was that was the kind

1:29:01

of inspiration behind it.

1:29:03

You had a specific accent in mind,

1:29:05

I think for the judge, didn't you?

1:29:07

Yeah, it's kind of like Louisiana,

1:29:10

kind of almost Cajun. Okay,

1:29:12

yeah, kind of kind of accent.

1:29:14

There's an old Saturday Night Live

1:29:16

sketch called Main Justice in which Jason Sudeikis

1:29:20

is playing a very similar sort of judge character that I

1:29:22

really love. Right. Sort of pay homage

1:29:24

to that. Nice. But

1:29:26

yeah, it's mainly just

1:29:28

me shouting in a vaguely

1:29:31

Cajun way. But it was fun.

1:29:33

It's a lot of fun to do. And it's got

1:29:35

that thing that I really like it sometimes happens in

1:29:37

like adventure games and things like that, where you

1:29:41

in a tabletop game like this,

1:29:43

you kind of view each session as a sort

1:29:45

of discrete thing. And it's like everything's reset

1:29:48

at the end of each one. But when you get sort

1:29:50

of presented with things you've done in other episodes

1:29:53

as a like a list of crimes that you've done, I really

1:29:55

like that. So it's like, oh, yeah, you blew

1:29:58

up this sasquatch. And you've

1:29:59

you killed this lady in a hospital and you

1:30:02

did this and you're like oh no continuity you're

1:30:04

like oh yeah i did do all this things those i mean

1:30:06

i'm bang to rights here those are actually things that i did

1:30:08

do yeah that's tough yeah that's

1:30:10

tough we're not being holed up on

1:30:12

charges that we haven't things we haven't

1:30:14

done yeah

1:30:16

yeah it's really um really good fun i had a

1:30:18

really fun time running

1:30:20

this one and just playing the

1:30:22

the characters in it um i thought

1:30:25

that yeah the trial scene went really well i thought um

1:30:28

it seemed like you were having a nice time

1:30:30

like i was having a lovely time yeah

1:30:32

just sass in a judge yeah that's the

1:30:34

mean judge yeah that's

1:30:35

the mean judge is all i want to do every day so

1:30:38

yeah that was that was quite enjoyable

1:30:40

i like the public defender

1:30:42

um he was nice okay

1:30:45

for him just got press ganged into being a public

1:30:47

defender it's a tough gig yeah yeah

1:30:50

yeah um and

1:30:53

um and the nonsense

1:30:55

with the painting in the

1:30:57

in the oh yeah that was area

1:30:59

yeah that was yeah

1:31:00

a little burst of of kind

1:31:02

of old school oxventure

1:31:05

chaos yeah yeah exactly

1:31:07

yeah um so yeah that was really good fun i really enjoyed it um

1:31:10

obviously we got the next part coming up in

1:31:12

which they all have to escape yeah

1:31:15

and then where things i assume

1:31:18

somehow resolve themselves

1:31:19

well you'd hope but you know i mean we know because

1:31:21

we've been there but

1:31:23

but

1:31:25

you don't know do you yeah another cliffhanger

1:31:28

every time every time with the cliffhangers okay

1:31:33

so come back next week for the town

1:31:35

the dreaded justice part

1:31:37

two yeah

1:31:38

the stunning finale

1:31:40

and

1:31:41

uh also yeah don't

1:31:43

miss youtube.com slash oaks venture a

1:31:45

fresh episode of oaks venture deadland

1:31:47

every week

1:31:48

yeah a new one today yeah

1:31:50

it's going to be luke and ellen playing with jasper

1:31:53

carwright from three black halflings so check that out

1:31:55

wait

1:31:56

i wasn't in that one so i get to watch it like

1:31:58

and enjoy it like a new viewer It's

1:32:01

set in and around a kind of World's Fair

1:32:03

based on the 1893 Chicago World's Fair. It's

1:32:07

a really fun location. Is that, wait,

1:32:09

hang on, which World's Fair?

1:32:11

The Chicago? The 1893 Colombian

1:32:13

exposition. Okay, is that

1:32:15

the one where the serial killer built

1:32:17

a house nearby where he was murdering people

1:32:19

in

1:32:20

crates and things? Yes, yes that is. Everything

1:32:23

was happening there, Andy. Yeah. Everything

1:32:26

was going down at the Chicago World's Fair.

1:32:28

It's the same one that Bioshock Infinite is based on as

1:32:30

well.

1:32:31

Okay, now I need to look up the name of that serial

1:32:33

killer because otherwise... H.H. Holmes. That's

1:32:35

it, H.H. Holmes. Yeah, I can't... And

1:32:38

there

1:32:38

was that video again semi-recently that was

1:32:40

sort of very, very loosely inspired by

1:32:43

H.H. Holmes. Yeah,

1:32:43

it was The Dark Pictures, wasn't it? The Dark Pictures...

1:32:46

Hang on, hang on. The Devil and Me. Man,

1:32:48

Andy, your recall is excellent. Yeah, The Devil and Me.

1:32:51

That was it. So,

1:32:52

yeah. Yeah. Cool. So,

1:32:55

yeah,

1:32:56

that's all I have to show

1:32:58

on the Chicago World's Fair.

1:33:00

Cool, well, yeah. It's

1:33:02

a very interesting thing to

1:33:04

me. I've been to Chicago and visited

1:33:06

the sort of where the fair happened and

1:33:08

they've got a Museum of Arts and Sciences

1:33:11

there as the only building that

1:33:13

remains from the World's Fair because it was

1:33:15

made out of stone. All the others were sort of made

1:33:18

out of wood and plaster and stuff. They're

1:33:20

all meant to be temporary except for

1:33:23

the fine arts building because it was meant to house

1:33:26

proper valuable paintings and they were

1:33:28

pretty sure that all the other buildings were going

1:33:30

to burn down accidentally at some point.

1:33:32

Well, we're going to burn these

1:33:33

buildings. Chicago just couldn't stop having

1:33:36

fires, you know? So, they were like, okay, all

1:33:38

right. But we've got to put the

1:33:40

valuable stuff in a real building. We need

1:33:42

one building that won't burn down. That's cool. Yeah,

1:33:45

if you want to go check

1:33:46

out the Arts and Sciences Museum down there.

1:33:48

It's a pick and tone.

1:33:49

What was really interesting about it because at

1:33:52

the time it happened, it's not like travelling was

1:33:54

easy or cheap necessarily. Yeah. And

1:33:57

like the number of people that it drew.

1:34:00

Obviously, you know thousands and thousands of people

1:34:02

go every minute of every day to Disneyland

1:34:04

But the idea of like people on mass going

1:34:07

to an exhibition

1:34:08

like that in old-timey

1:34:10

America. It's

1:34:11

pretty unique Well, that's what I feel killer

1:34:13

was able to get away with it because people be like I'm going to

1:34:15

the World's Fair Yeah,

1:34:17

and then you know, there's no way of getting in contact

1:34:19

with them Yeah, right exactly and then you

1:34:22

probably just stay there because it was brilliant yeah,

1:34:24

and there'll be thousands and thousands of out-of-town

1:34:26

people like flooding into and

1:34:28

Fronting around

1:34:29

Chicago who's going to keep track if someone

1:34:31

gets murdered in a

1:34:33

Deal trunk or I forget

1:34:35

the details of how you had people but it was pretty

1:34:37

or pretty horrible. Yeah, pretty

1:34:39

horrible. Yeah

1:34:41

Okay, so what

1:34:43

else we got going on? There's a bit of

1:34:45

a sale going on at the store

1:34:47

right now if you go to store outside xbox.com There's

1:34:50

discounts on some very

1:34:52

nice Adventure items including

1:34:54

the og classic of extension dice

1:34:56

set so you can get those

1:34:59

at a discount. Yeah and Otherwise,

1:35:02

we're looking forward to our MCM

1:35:04

comic-con London appearance.

1:35:07

Yeah, that's at the end of October where

1:35:09

we'll be doing a

1:35:11

Creepy Halloween

1:35:12

special. Yeah speaking of Halloween.

1:35:15

I'm writing some short horror stories

1:35:17

on For the entire

1:35:19

spooky season if you go to uh-oh

1:35:21

dot substack calm that's you h o h

1:35:23

dot substack calm I'm putting up a new

1:35:26

short horror story every week I'm

1:35:28

super fancy reading some spooky comedy

1:35:30

horror stories. Check that out.

1:35:31

You gotta okay.

1:35:33

Let's have that URL again Andy It's

1:35:35

uh-oh dot substack calm.

1:35:37

Yeah, no hyphen Oh, h

1:35:39

dot substack calm. Yeah, I'll start now. What you

1:35:42

legit. Yeah serious, right?

1:35:44

That's right. Yeah short fiction. That's me now

1:35:46

Wait

1:35:48

Okay, go check that out. Check

1:35:50

out free black houselings podcast Go

1:35:52

to youtube.com slash oaks venture for the video versions

1:35:55

of these oaks venture deadlines episodes.

1:35:58

Yeah, and have your sauces lovely

1:36:00

weekend we will see you next

1:36:03

week for another episode. See you then for part

1:36:05

two how will our heroes escape from jail.

1:36:07

Let's find out next time. Who

1:36:09

knows? Yeah. Stay tuned.