0:04

He said, there are paintings

0:07

in museums all over the world

0:10

of women with bodies just

0:12

like yours. Welcome

0:23

to another installment of What of

0:25

the Wild and Wonderful Ossie

0:28

Confidential. I'm your host,

0:31

Eugene S. Robinson,

0:33

and today we have a one,

0:36

Miss Trixie fool Laurent, stage

0:39

name for a Susan Burley

0:42

who grew up back in Virginia.

0:44

They've been a fairly average existence, fairly

0:48

average marriage, moved to sunny

0:50

California, living the life of a Silicon

0:53

Valley wade slave, and

0:55

then something happened. Everything

0:58

fell a part, the

1:01

marriage gone, the wage,

1:03

slavery gone, which

1:06

under normal circumstances doesn't sound so bad.

1:08

But she had to redefine

1:10

herself and did so first as

1:13

a burlesque performer

1:15

baby and then beyond sex

1:18

camming for fun and apparently

1:21

profit, all at

1:23

the age of almost

1:26

fifty. But eight eight, let's

1:28

have her telling. What

1:40

happened was this, This girl

1:42

came from Hawaii to make a

1:45

film like a This guy was making small

1:48

independent film. So that's where they met. They

1:50

met here, and I think that's when this

1:53

affair started. And so

1:55

I'm just like, oh, great to have

1:57

fun working on the movie, and you

2:00

know, and then he said, I'm

2:03

going to go to Hawaii to work on this movie

2:05

with this guy because

2:08

he saw the stuff I did on this one

2:10

and he liked it, so I'm going to go and make this

2:12

movie. I'm like, okay, great, that's

2:14

wonderful. But what it was really doing was going to

2:16

Hawaii to spend time with

2:18

this girl. There was no movie.

2:21

And so it's funny because you

2:23

know, people lied to themselves and start

2:26

to believe their own lies.

2:29

Oh it did I mention that the person

2:31

he was having this affair with was half

2:34

my age, half my size. Very

2:37

uh, very very very much of an

2:39

ego blow having

2:42

having to deal with that. It

2:45

should have ended much

2:47

much sooner than it did. But you know, avoidance

2:50

and denial or powerful powerful

2:52

things. The lying and lying and

2:54

lying on land. There were some pretty big lies in

2:57

there, and you know, I

2:59

was just like, you know, if this, if we

3:01

were business partners, we had a business together

3:03

and it was stealing money, I'd

3:06

have to like not be business partners with them

3:08

anymore. And finally I had to like, either

3:11

you know, keep going and

3:13

on that road or decide to

3:15

get off. So I decided

3:17

to get off and it was very difficult. It was

3:20

very difficulty. So

3:22

now, and how did you get yourself into

3:26

the performative kind of the burlesque world?

3:28

My therapist he,

3:31

uh, we were you

3:33

know, like like the marriage was

3:35

was done and just

3:37

kind of adjusting to that. And he's like, you

3:39

know what I want you to do. I want you to take

3:41

a class. It doesn't matter what it is, but

3:45

something you're interested in, like something

3:47

you've always wanted to do but never did,

3:50

cooking class, rock climbing,

3:52

whatever, language, whatever.

3:55

Just do something outside

3:58

of your normal you.

4:02

You know, there are lots of adult education classes

4:04

you could have taken French or saxophone

4:07

or pottery. But but but why

4:09

why burlesque? How was it that end up being

4:11

burlesque? Mostly because I

4:15

remember my friend was, you know, offering

4:17

the class, and you know, like

4:20

my therapist had said, it was

4:22

something that I'd always kind of wanted to do but

4:25

just never did. So I called

4:27

her and she's like, you know what, I've got one slot left,

4:29

it's all yours. And how old were you at this point?

4:32

Let's not let's not let's not talk numbers.

4:36

Let's not older than me. So everybody's

4:39

young. Okay, I know, you know, and I

4:41

shouldn't be ashamed of it because because really

4:43

I feel like me doing that. I

4:45

was forty five when I started um

4:48

doing this, and uh so I

4:51

feel like I'm also representing

4:53

women of a certain aide who

4:56

you know, at a certain point in life where you

4:58

know. My message that I'm trying to send

5:01

is that ladies, the parties

5:03

not over that, like

5:05

like we we could just be getting started here.

5:08

Okay,

5:12

Um, how much of a possibility

5:14

is it that that this happened because the

5:17

burlesque class was mostly women and it felt

5:19

like a like a safe space. Yeah, that's

5:21

a good point, because that that really was,

5:24

you know, it was a very safe, safe

5:26

place to be and I

5:28

did like that. Had you ever spent any

5:30

time on stage before undressed,

5:34

not dressed or undressed? Okay? Alright, so

5:36

no, no school plays, nothing, No

5:39

really yeah, very very

5:41

shy, very behind

5:43

the scenes. I'm just like, I don't want any attention,

5:46

no attention, don't look at me, don't see me.

5:49

Alright. So so now so now what now what starts

5:51

to happen at the burlesque class?

5:54

So, so, the burlesque class is,

5:56

like you know, twelve weeks um

5:59

and at the end there's

6:01

a performance. So now what did you do for

6:03

your first, your very first burlesquee?

6:06

I did a cramp song, which the

6:08

way I walked just

6:29

because it was like the shortest. I was like, I'm going

6:31

to find the shortest song possible. I

6:34

think I think that's as like two minutes

6:36

long. It was like, perfect, two

6:38

minutes. I can do two minutes. So now, but this was

6:41

You've gone from never being on stage before being

6:43

completely well not completely, but you know, majorly

6:46

naked on pretty much pretty much. And and

6:48

and I felt like I felt like it was it

6:50

was it was a cleansing thing because

6:53

of the divorce and all of that, and

6:56

just there were there were so many people that I friends

6:58

of ours or knew this and

7:02

you know, everything people

7:06

stuff about me that it just

7:08

like felt invaded. And

7:10

I was like, well, okay, so you've seen

7:13

you've seen my soul. Now here's

7:15

everything else. Here you go, here, you go, here,

7:17

you go here, you go here, you go here. It seems

7:19

to me a major positive development that you re

7:22

report this to the therapist and go, hey, look

7:24

what where I am? Yeah? Yeah,

7:27

And you know, he was just like, yeah,

7:29

that's great. Just

7:31

end up changing the way you felt about your body.

7:35

Absolutely. Yeah. I

7:37

had never really felt like

7:40

I wanted to show my

7:42

body, and

7:44

and this made me feel like, yeah,

7:47

it's okay, it's okay, like this

7:49

is this is it, and and

7:51

I'm okay with it. You you

7:53

you may not be. It doesn't really matter. It's

7:56

it's it's for me, you know. I just felt like my

7:58

whole world had kind of collapsed,

8:00

you know, like everything I thought was so

8:04

wasn't It just had kind of evaporated

8:07

and it was just like and it's like free fall

8:09

for for a while. And it

8:11

took me a while to get my footing back.

8:16

Did this change your approach

8:19

to your sexuality?

8:21

I've I've often said that burlesque

8:23

was the gateway into pornography, because

8:27

you know, once you're comfortable with yourself, then

8:29

you know, then yeah, you're comfortable

8:31

and less inhibited and

8:35

you know, and and the way that I actually

8:37

got into doing

8:41

horn or sex work was,

8:43

um, there was a woman who worked at

8:46

Kink. She actually still works there.

8:48

In like the accounting

8:50

finance office, like king dot

8:52

com had several websites that you

8:54

could be a member of and

8:57

Kink Live was one of those

8:59

Troy and when I ran

9:01

into her and uh was, you

9:04

know, just like, yeah, I gotta find gotta find

9:06

some work out, to find something to do. And she was like,

9:08

oh my god, why don't you just come down and

9:11

start doing this because you

9:13

know there's decent money in it and you can start

9:15

doing it, and yeah, why not?

9:18

And so as I as I needed

9:20

money and that

9:22

that opportunity was there, it

9:24

was like, oh, well, I really don't have a

9:26

problem with that, So why not Once

9:29

you go there, once you've done it, once

9:31

you've been naked in front

9:33

of people, it's not so difficult

9:36

to continue to be naked in

9:38

front of people. I guess do you think you

9:40

think your ex is has ever seen any of your work?

9:42

I had been doing the Kink Live stuff for

9:44

a little while before he found

9:48

out, and uh, he

9:50

was like in the art departments

9:52

set building. And it's

9:54

funny because I actually ended up

9:57

working on one of the sets that he had

9:59

built. I

10:03

know, right, I know it's I

10:06

don't know, I don't know what to call that is a justice

10:10

retribution? I don't know. I

10:13

think I think Charlie Broads had used to call

10:15

that. Yes, yes, yes,

10:17

yes, yes, yes. So

10:23

now do they set you up from your laptop

10:25

from home? They had they had

10:27

the studio set up, so they had like four or five

10:29

sets that you could you know, you could

10:32

go in and do it there. They had all the equipment.

10:35

Um, so that was easier in the beginning. Is

10:37

it like an I T person who runs the computer?

10:40

Actually you really typing on the computer? Um?

10:42

Yeah, there's a computer there, um

10:45

and with the screen

10:47

and everything. So not your computer, a computer,

10:50

yeah, a computer. Yeah, so you're you're actually

10:53

you know, there's a computer there and you're interacting

10:55

one on one and then behind the

10:57

scenes there are monitors

10:59

and I T people and yeah,

11:01

they're all like monitoring and make sure the

11:03

stream is going and everything

11:06

is up and running. So your your

11:08

shifts they start at eleven. You show up at eleven,

11:11

enter the room, log on,

11:14

log on. So how does it work with

11:17

pay structure? Right? People? I guess they have to

11:19

pay to talk to you or can they watch you form?

11:21

So it's set up so that you you know, like

11:24

like there's a public room and

11:26

then there's an option for

11:28

the user to click into.

11:31

There were like two options, like a private and

11:34

then like a semi private, like it's

11:36

a private but other people can come in. So

11:38

how do you keep the public people from seeing it?

11:40

I guess I t people. Yeah, that's that's when

11:43

the when the user clicks on, it goes into

11:46

like out of the public and into a

11:48

private one on one. So

11:50

what happens? So now, what happens in the private anything?

11:57

Anything? This?

12:00

I was like, Okay, how many dildos

12:02

do you have? I said, I've got a lot, right,

12:04

I got a got a wide array of dildos

12:07

here. He's like, okay, get them all together.

12:09

Okay. So he's like, okay,

12:11

what do you put one in your ass, one in your mouth, and

12:14

hold the rest of them in your arms and

12:16

then jump around. So he's like, okay,

12:18

what do you put?

12:23

Yeah? Yeah, just like just like hop up, hop

12:25

up, hop around in the circle, right, And

12:29

I'm just like, I'm laughing. I'm just laughing

12:31

at this because it's just I

12:34

mean, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever

12:36

done. I think, I think, I think, I

12:38

think you know my problem with with like

12:41

strip clubs in a certain type of sex work.

12:43

I remember, I've identified with

12:45

the stage performer for so long because

12:48

I've been doing stage stuff since I was like two

12:51

that I could never get beyond

12:53

that with with a strip club, you know, other words, the

12:55

performative aspects, I could never get get beyond

12:57

it. Right. So it's like I always IDENTI

13:00

fight more with the people on stage and the people

13:02

in the audience who were buying what they used to call

13:04

in pro fake wrestling cafebe you

13:06

know, they're buying the acts. You're

13:09

in the room in front of a computer, you're doing

13:11

it, like what's going on in your mind? You

13:13

know that It's funny that you say

13:15

that because because a lot

13:17

of the girls and a lot of the ones who made money,

13:20

we're doing like this

13:23

like giving you know,

13:25

like like being that like porn

13:28

person. Yeah, and people

13:30

and they bought it. They bought it. They bought it.

13:32

Like every time I heard a girl giggle, I'm

13:35

just like, ah really, and

13:37

then you know, and then I just hear like, you

13:40

know, she's like ching ching ching ching ching

13:42

ching, Like then just like uh really,

13:46

And you know, so it just made me disappointed in

13:48

men. But it's like,

13:50

ah, you guys,

13:52

just suck

13:54

it right up. I disbelieving. Do

13:58

you ever meet any of the people that can't your your

14:01

regulars in in real I

14:03

r L and I

14:05

did, yeah, because, um, pretty

14:08

much from from like the first week

14:10

that I was on there was there was one guy

14:13

that he would come in and he would just like

14:15

hang out, didn't really say anything. Um,

14:20

it would just hang out and like eventually

14:22

started talking a little bit and then

14:24

he would come in and do privates every

14:27

like every day. And I was like, oh, this is

14:29

my bread and butter. This is like, you know

14:31

this, I like this guy.

14:35

So he lives in

14:37

Europe and

14:40

we were just talking and he

14:43

he he liked me because I was

14:45

older and I

14:47

could have conversation and he gave he

14:49

gave me the best compliment I've ever gotten

14:51

in my life. He

14:53

said, Tricksy, there

14:56

are paintings in museums

14:59

all over the world old of women

15:01

with bodies just like yours. And

15:03

I was like, okay,

15:07

you put it that way. Uh yeah,

15:10

I was like wow. I mean

15:12

it's like it's like and he was paying for this privilege.

15:15

This is great. It's like kind of a reverse

15:17

reversal of the whole therapy thing. Yeah. It was just

15:19

like it was just like yeah,

15:23

thank you right.

15:25

So yeah, So that was that was just

15:28

a beautiful compliment. And

15:30

uh so we were talking and I

15:32

said, well, you know, if you ever come to San Francisco, he

15:37

was like, well, you know, I probably

15:39

won't, but if you want

15:41

to come here, I was like, hmm,

15:45

there's absolutely nothing keeping me from

15:48

doing that. So I said, yes,

15:50

let's do that. I

15:52

just said, okay, great, I'll send you a

15:54

ticket, and uh

15:56

so we planned it out and I went there

16:00

and stayed for a month, which is

16:02

kind of a kind of a risky thing to do. Like most

16:04

girls are like, oh no, no, no, you never

16:07

ever ever meet any of them, never

16:10

under any circumstances. I'm like, I don't

16:12

know, I feel like I feel like this guy, like we

16:15

talked every single day, Like I know,

16:19

I feel like I feel like it's okay. I feel like, you

16:21

know, my gut is telling me that it's

16:24

it's fine. And uh so

16:26

I went spent a

16:28

month and it

16:30

was fantastic. It was great. So did

16:32

he did he ever? Did did they ever ask?

16:34

Like inevitably at people do, how did

16:36

you two meet today? Oh? Had the whole story

16:38

concocted? Because

16:43

you know, because he's very he's very

16:45

proper, like you see him and

16:48

the first thing that you think is not

16:50

with a dirty, perverted old man.

16:52

He is, you know, because he's just it's just like you

16:56

know, it was just just a guy like doing his

16:58

minding his business, and you know, nobody

17:00

would ever think what lies beneath. So

17:03

yeah, we had a whole story concocted of how

17:05

we met, and like like the

17:07

first time I had like the first time someone actually

17:09

said so how did you meet? And I had to I

17:12

had to go through the whole story. I could see

17:14

him like kind of leaning back, listening, you

17:16

know, and I'm just like, did I get around? He said,

17:18

yeah, it sounded good. What was

17:20

like a business conference or whatever? Yeah, yeah,

17:23

like some online like group

17:26

that close enough to the truth, close

17:29

enough that yeah, yeah it was. It

17:31

wasn't just like oh, well, you know, I'm on this

17:33

webcam where you know, and you

17:36

know, he comes on in master Beads And what

17:42

about what about your your family back in Virginia

17:45

or folks or folks uh

17:48

are they digging on the burlesque thing or

17:50

do they not know? Or is it like I don't

17:54

really I don't have any contact with

17:56

my family. Like my father died,

17:58

like I while

18:00

I was still married, and my

18:03

mother died a few years ago, and I

18:05

probably hadn't spoken to her since

18:08

my father died, actually for historical

18:10

reasons, or had there been had

18:12

there been a riff of something? No, no, I mean

18:15

no riff really. Um,

18:17

you know, my my mother said something

18:19

to me after my father died that

18:22

made me think, why

18:24

why am I

18:27

going back again and again for this same

18:30

treatment from her when

18:32

I don't have to. I'm just going to

18:34

cut ties and be done.

18:37

What did you say? My father had come

18:39

out? My father had been so

18:41

I tried to you know, it's a dad, why

18:43

don't you just maybe come out here. There's like,

18:46

you know, maybe better doctors out

18:48

here, maybe you could see someone out here. And

18:51

uh so, my when my father died

18:53

and I was back at home talking

18:56

about, you know, the time that he was here,

18:58

and my mother just says, well, you

19:01

know, he didn't have a good time while he

19:03

was out there. And I

19:05

was like, oh wow, that's that's

19:07

just about the meanest thing

19:09

that you could have said to me. I

19:12

think I'm just done with, you

19:14

know, things being said to me like

19:16

this, So I'm done.

19:19

And that was kind of our relationship anyway.

19:23

So now now so so coming from being

19:25

firstly divorced to now you know, doing

19:29

sex scamming, um has

19:34

your how far is

19:36

your sense of you know, your

19:38

place in space, how far has it gone? How far has it

19:40

changed? Or was it a question of you

19:42

know, uncovering and discovering what

19:45

was already there. I think that's that's more

19:47

accurate, uncovering what had

19:49

been covered up, because

19:52

you know, like like with the burlesque and

19:54

being on stage was like, oh, okay,

19:57

I can do this, I

20:00

can, I can I did. I

20:02

feel good about that. So it was like

20:04

the confidence and confidence building

20:07

confidence started coming back, you know,

20:09

because you know, like I said, the marriage

20:11

probably should have ended like five

20:15

six years sooner than

20:17

it did, you know, And and

20:19

so it was just a matter of spending

20:21

a lot of years. It's like, oh, I just

20:24

uh, it's just easier to to not

20:26

deal with this, you

20:28

know, and just suppressing and ignoring

20:31

and denying um. And

20:33

then once I was free of all that,

20:35

I felt like I

20:38

had come into my own What would you tell

20:40

your younger self about what you've learned? Uh,

20:43

probably to uh to start doing

20:46

these things earlier in

20:48

life, because because I've

20:50

enjoyed like everything everything,

20:53

you know, since you know, post divorce,

20:55

everything that I've done, I've

20:58

I've not regretted anything, and

21:00

uh, you know, only that I

21:02

should have been doing this years ago. And

21:05

now the European guy is that? Is that like

21:07

uh Latin movie last year,

21:10

Marian bod Is that an ongoing thing? Does that continue

21:12

or did that run its scores? No, I'm

21:15

I'm I'm planning

21:17

a trip in June. So

21:20

that's what five five years later,

21:22

I guess. But

21:25

but now hold it, I mean, just for verification,

21:28

you were no longer the sex count. Yeah,

21:31

I have a nine to five D job. I

21:33

don't like it. I mean I like it, I don't like

21:35

I don't like working. I

21:38

got this job and I cried for three days,

21:40

like I don't want to work to

21:42

work. It was the best job I've ever

21:45

had. If I if I'd been able to make enough

21:48

money to not have to worry about making

21:51

sure I was you know, bills

21:53

were paid, then I wouldn't keep

21:55

doing it. There

22:00

you go. Sometimes it's that

22:02

easy or maybe not easy at all, depending

22:05

on who you are, your advantage point on life,

22:07

and your outlook on not just about everything. But

22:09

so it goes for Trixie fool Laurant

22:12

happy or happy enough. Sometimes

22:15

it's it's a little bit of the former and a lot

22:17

of the ladder. In any case, thank

22:20

her for her time. But Ozzie Confidential.

22:22

Next up, Pericles

22:25

or Strongs. He had a

22:27

mother a dementia, required

22:30

a lot of adult care, almost

22:33

a hundred thousand dollars worth a year

22:35

by his estimation. How

22:38

do you do it? How do you raise the

22:40

money? Um?

22:42

Maybe he's something along the lines of international

22:45

drug trafficking. Yeah, you

22:47

make sense of it? Are you will? Our

22:50

next week's Asy Confidential.

22:57

Ozzie Confidential is produced

23:00

by who Else me Eu

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Geneus Robinson, executive

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produced by Rob Kulos, and

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mixed and engineered by Nick Johnson.

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And For more OZI Confidential

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go to o z y dot

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com slash Confidential

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hu