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today. That's

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shopify.com/ system. Hello,

1:03

it's Friday, the 10th of May. I'm

1:06

Miranda Sawyer, and if I took Liz Jones out

1:08

on a date, I'd let her talk as much

1:10

as she darn well liked. Welcome

1:13

back to Papercuts, the modern newspaper review,

1:15

where every day we make the UK

1:17

papers sing not only for their supper,

1:20

but also for the chance to appear

1:22

on a show that only cares about

1:24

whether their tune is funny, campy, catchy,

1:27

and accompanied by bad dancing and ludicrous

1:29

costume choices. I mean this show, of

1:31

course. Step up, papers, or

1:33

it's null poin from us. Now

1:35

here are the top stories for today's show. Tits,

1:38

teeth, and dry ice. Eurovision

1:41

is here, and as camp as ever, but

1:43

with added protests. Guess who's

1:45

back? Dominic Cummings has

1:48

returned to save British politics from

1:50

itself. And wardrobe

1:52

crisis. Three brave women let

1:54

their partners choose their outfits. Welcome

1:57

to Papercuts. We Read the papers, so you

1:59

can be part of the show. they have to. Thank

2:05

for joining us and that's where it's all.

2:08

About the photo but will make the

2:10

words work on Mind Sawyer and joining

2:12

me today. It's Lbc host and woman

2:14

who gets the gyms in business as

2:16

it doesn't highness I say hello and

2:18

also with this is comedian and money

2:20

gets the budget is take a poorly

2:22

hutchison allies so what have we got

2:24

on the front page? Sedate Natasha you.

2:26

Have. The Grown Up papers. I do so.

2:28

The Guardian is leading with

2:31

a hundred thousand Palestinian. People

2:33

are fleeing refer says about a

2:35

million people currently sheltering thereafter. They

2:37

were told to go there and

2:40

essentially displaced and a lot people

2:42

saying is that the last safe

2:44

place that Palestinians could go and

2:46

now they have to sleep again

2:49

because of. Eminence that

2:51

invasion and bombs. Being drops and

2:53

as all of your sleep hideous and

2:56

there is a a picture to accompany.

2:58

That then the I have

3:00

led with at big interview

3:02

with. Dominic comings and I may

3:04

I know when to be talking

3:07

about this more later, but he's

3:09

being really weird conference yeah, I'm

3:11

brand definitely and he apparently is

3:13

thinking of starting up his own.

3:15

Party. He has a puppet

3:17

Ukraine for no reason whatsoever.

3:19

M and just sounds and

3:22

indeed looks completely unhinged. What's

3:24

the headline on that? Boris

3:26

and I saved thousands. From

3:28

Cozad, but we won't talk again. Ah,

3:31

it's heartbreaking, isn't this? Probably

3:33

be split up and it's.

3:36

Am The Times leads with truancy

3:38

up by assist on Fridays in

3:40

Schools. Jillian Keegan, the Education Secretary

3:43

has somehow managed to make this

3:45

the fault. Of parents working from

3:47

home. At the government a really

3:49

on it. with everything being the full of

3:52

people who sometimes to work from home

3:54

on a the way that she's going

3:56

on about it is so everybody's to

3:58

the swinging the ladder sense lisa pupils

4:00

and parents who work from home. And then

4:02

there is this genuinely weird

4:06

daily telegraph front

4:08

page. The whole thing is wild.

4:10

So Jeremy Hunt urges

4:13

the banks not to rush rate cuts.

4:15

And I tried to read and absorb

4:17

this, but I still don't really understand

4:19

why he's so keen.

4:22

The Bank of England has said that the

4:25

rates might be cut faster than expected

4:27

because the economy is doing better than

4:29

projected. And for some reason, Jeremy Hunt

4:32

has a problem with that, but I

4:34

don't really understand why. The problem with

4:36

reading anything to do with interest rates

4:38

is you just fall asleep. It's really

4:41

boring. Yeah, I did try. Well

4:43

done for trying. Thank you. There's a

4:45

picture of Prince William looking like he's never

4:47

seen a ball before. Yeah, in his life.

4:49

Playing volleyball. Yeah. And then there's

4:52

a picture of Russell Brand and

4:54

Bear Grylls. It says, Unlikely Trio,

4:56

the newfound relationship between Russell Brand,

4:58

Bear Grylls and God. And I just

5:01

want to make it clear, I'm not and I

5:03

never have claimed to be God's chosen representative

5:05

on earth. But I

5:08

don't think God wants any part of that throttle. He really

5:10

doesn't. Okay, Jacob, you have the

5:12

fun papers. Yeah. So the Daily

5:15

Mirror are leading with whooping

5:17

cough warning and Daily Mail are

5:19

doing similar worst whooping cough outbreak

5:21

for 40 years. Both

5:23

saying it's five babies dead as experts

5:25

blame the fall in vaccination rates. Yeah.

5:29

And the son of God, I'm baby

5:31

reindeer Martha, but I'm not a stalker.

5:33

She's not. She's not. So this is following

5:35

Piers Morgan interviewing the real Martha

5:38

from baby reindeer. It's the story of a horrendous

5:40

human being with a dreadful track record of following

5:42

an obsessive note of people in a

5:44

really unhealthy way interviewing the stalker from

5:46

baby reindeer. And finally,

5:48

the Daily Star. We want to

5:50

see big pictures of Uranus. This

5:54

is a this is Space Boffins want to

5:56

launch an up close and personal mission to

5:58

Uranus so they can. It took off what's

6:01

lacking there. I was really love with this

6:03

is That Daily Star. I still got a

6:05

kind of thing against kids who did well

6:07

as school systems. I just like any any

6:09

help would soon it's cool them that stuff.

6:11

thought it was exciting news from the Spice

6:13

Eggheads that must suck. Always say this they

6:15

live the buffets and they also love you

6:17

reading this things like I just love that

6:19

joke. Now

6:21

it's the Eurovision Song Contest in Momo

6:23

on Saturday this is usually a huge

6:26

campus tits fun we'd send. The Bbc

6:28

has been going big on it for

6:30

years and this year is. Note: Sets

6:32

in the final is on Saturday is

6:34

to be broadcast live A company that's

6:36

what I saw this Bbc. Want residency?

6:39

Bbc I think Bbc Scientists.

6:41

Are everywhere s It's been the usual complicated

6:43

process to get down to the countries in

6:45

the final two semi finals this week. Some

6:48

law about the big five countries except never

6:50

saw. This is also my research gonna decides.

6:52

I never knew that would vice. Big.

6:54

Countries that have automatically qualify

6:57

which. Is the Uk, Germany, France, Italy,

6:59

and Spain that are enough to try that

7:01

just get in any way to they have

7:03

the most money which is a metaphor. For

7:05

World history yes. It is. He has a

7:07

symbol of mister close within your vision I have to but

7:09

said it was the usual be too. Far. It.

7:12

Is and especially Big Who heart

7:14

this year? Natasha? why is us?

7:16

So there's some controversy. Over the

7:18

fact that Israel is allowed to

7:21

compete for people saying that Am

7:23

Russia has been taken out of

7:25

the the competition and they feel

7:27

that the same rules should apply

7:29

but specifically Eden Cullen who is

7:31

the Is Ready contests and in

7:33

her original offering it was called

7:36

October Rain and it seemed to

7:38

to reference that the Seventh October

7:40

and year of isn't said yeah

7:42

when not political so you can't

7:44

do that so she than have

7:46

to write something. Else and that

7:49

had new entries called hurricane and

7:51

it's about a woman experiencing some

7:53

sort of crisis and it's aren't

7:56

mirroring life because see is experiencing

7:58

a bit of. Crisis by our

8:00

town a bit sorry for. I have to. Say me

8:03

said it's when a yeah yeah

8:05

she's basically singing her song. And

8:07

then as those of protesters outside

8:09

in days and there's lots of

8:11

country So of Finland, Norway, Denmark,

8:14

and Sweden have all said that

8:16

Israel should be disqualified and now

8:18

there is this protests taking place

8:20

in Malmo of outside the building

8:22

where your vision is is due

8:25

to be brought, costs and. And

8:27

then in. Our he says i say out a

8:30

you did it miranda but until I may have a huge i.

8:34

Agree with thinking. That. Will what? Israel's famously

8:36

in the Middle East? The wife of

8:38

a new route your vision to begin.

8:40

With and John L. it's. Wrote an

8:42

article about this for the big

8:44

Issue and he said it's not

8:46

actually about it geographically. being Europe,

8:48

it's to do with the European

8:50

Broadcasting area. Yes, which stretches from

8:53

the Mid Atlantic. To Moscow and

8:55

dancer Clyro. He. So clever journalist. He

8:57

knows everything and he basically wrote this

8:59

article explaining everything even said as. Decides

9:01

will seize Europe and it blew my mind. I

9:03

was like a dozen aware of any. I

9:06

don't know and Australia is also

9:08

included because reasons. See. It will because

9:11

basically it's got a big audience. They started

9:13

to disperse for australia of anyway

9:15

so qualified. This is very complicated

9:18

situation I assume you that your

9:20

of isn't feasible conflict a conservative.

9:23

Anyway, so at we're in a situation where

9:25

Israel have qualified sale in the finals and

9:27

I don't think they're gonna win without a

9:29

look at the runners. and right seven weeks.

9:31

So we had a look that the odds

9:34

at the moment of crisis at the Top

9:36

sweats. And seemed pretty well Ukraine

9:38

and Island. And the Uk okay,

9:40

I feel that we should do with the

9:42

paper said okay Assists The Uk is only

9:44

Alexander from years and years or decades is

9:46

a lovely guy. Yes, it's a lovely. Got

9:48

some it's called dizzy yet we had a

9:50

look at it, didn't wait. What did we

9:53

think? Already

9:56

like you but I'd say

9:58

it lands to. The first one

10:00

to slag off without legal I assume a silvery

10:02

good song is nowhere near as good as his

10:04

of stuff that used to do the isn't yeah

10:07

yeah, think that one hundred to one. Yes, they

10:09

are hundred to one hundred one which is which

10:11

is twice the odds of Israel. It's this is

10:13

the one that's that's a bad song as useless

10:15

as bad as it is read. Also, I do

10:17

feel it's not necessarily about the song assists everybody

10:19

hates us to brighten as I say we would

10:22

like him to do well. He's not going to

10:24

do well as we've looked at the top runners.

10:26

I'm like, okay, so I'm going to get through

10:28

this crisis which is baby lasagna which is a

10:30

great name, a winning name to be honest and

10:32

the song is called Rinse. Him saggy thin.

10:34

that's the one that we saw. Okay

10:37

is a lot of dry ice the

10:39

some slam see sleaze. Is

10:41

kind of. Soft. nest to

10:43

god isn't says but. It could be

10:45

a winner. Is my on the cusp

10:47

between bang or and bad noise? Yes.

10:49

It really is a lot. Could be a mean you

10:51

know that kind of thing could. When I think. But

10:54

the one we really lights was

10:56

by his Switzerland ni Mo. The

10:58

code is quite good this video

11:00

formats where they come. Through.

11:03

With. This train changing into all sorts

11:05

of outfits as the some changes in

11:07

the so. Just as nuts, but he

11:09

min rusted. It one bit then it goes

11:12

kind of Pacelle Jamiroquai. It's is a bit of

11:14

wrapping that's a good one. yeah that's my favorite

11:16

and yeah I think from could win some with

11:18

and. Swiss. And so on. Yes, But then.

11:20

You also lights Ukraine didn't you? That was the one

11:22

with the really good. Rock Jazz, The Are

11:24

and the kindest X to sell debates Yes

11:27

said see our at the Met Met gala

11:29

Yell fat that says that she's wearing. There's

11:31

a lot of drama that was rap. They.

11:34

Raided or up and then finally ended.

11:36

See think that this one is in

11:38

with a really big sense It from

11:40

Ireland is called Bambee. Third. And

11:42

she's at. She said a song

11:44

called Doomsday Blue. It's basically. The.

11:47

Inside of a thirteen year old girl's

11:49

head is absolutely mad golf business and

11:51

then of mean the drama is unbelievable

11:53

A reminds me of sex this sister

11:55

you know that saw where it. Got

11:58

it goes from as him of we. The

12:00

lead throats he'd for tested

12:02

vocals yet to some sort

12:04

of muttering about life and

12:06

having an existential. Crisis which is what

12:08

it sounds like in a setting. Your oh go ahead

12:10

bothers me is suffering that This is my. Thought

12:12

is. I hope

12:14

lies. Anyway,

12:17

he looks quite fun. I like islands and

12:20

I like Switzerland. We'd like them to dinner

12:22

and mean. Anything that is kind of jolly

12:24

in this way. Good. I just would like to be

12:26

such short of. I say it goes on

12:28

a bit dissonant. On a Saturday night?

12:30

Yeah, it's a kind of stars been

12:32

bitten relation by the end doesn't it

12:35

is going round getting numbers in an

12:37

Id I've I've only experienced Univision, our

12:39

policies ah, wave kind of been off.

12:41

you're not enough to get through that

12:43

bit sooner and he added added. It's

12:45

like a is been tough enough their

12:47

i don't know how people do a

12:49

cyber another thing people devices someone think

12:51

they conjure mean how could she have

12:53

been It. Does that mean by Seal? take up the

12:55

whole of your Saturday. Nights if you would like

12:57

to yes and if you don't, you can

12:59

listen to me on Lbc. This

13:08

episode as brought to youbysachs.com At

13:10

saks.com it's easy to find your

13:13

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13:15

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13:24

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13:26

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13:30

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13:33

at Saks dot com. This

13:36

episode is brought to you by Shopify.

13:40

Do you have a point of sale system you can trust

13:42

or is it a

13:45

real POS? You need Shopify

13:47

for retail. From accepting payments

13:49

to managing inventory, Shopify POS has

13:52

everything you need to sell in

13:54

person. Go to

13:56

shopify.com/system all lowercase to

13:58

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14:00

to the next level

14:02

today. That's shopify.com/ system. Now.

14:10

The front page of the I

14:12

Ask Natasha mentioned seems very pleased

14:14

with itself as its labs he

14:16

didn't beat with the man. We

14:18

were all happy to forget mad

14:20

dumb cummings. he and his baseball

14:22

hat and is terrible eyesight are

14:24

back. He has some exciting news.

14:26

Right Disney Jacob? Yes yes say he's

14:28

exciting. News is he wants to start

14:30

his own political party and this is

14:33

fit. The city's Sigma is it is

14:35

a month. He really is. Is it

14:37

safe, aging, suited and at it? Did

14:39

defer the opening paragraph and some. Dominic

14:42

Cummings is a visionary, a true maverick

14:44

defender of democracy and until it's intellectual

14:46

heavyweights to gets things done by define

14:48

convention. Who are these people? Represent

14:51

for that armada things for me. And

14:54

eighty guys, us many others. View him

14:57

as an arrogant, vindictive Rasputin like

14:59

Sega who trampled over the constitution

15:01

and course and public sector. Is

15:03

similar to sound like a superhero character doesn't

15:05

sit here and as it is and with

15:08

I in the when we are. He is.

15:10

He's just like a walking talking the sick of

15:12

a character. The Ivy I me undies following that

15:14

kind of that three progression of kind of boomers

15:16

he want attention and who are too old for

15:19

take talk to. The only reason I. Feel

15:22

it will announce he wants to saw his i'm

15:24

political party who never received the way. He'll definitely

15:26

go in the jungle at some point and as

15:28

him and an event events the kind of study

15:31

off to dinner speaking circuit for ten years before

15:33

packing in and it is Isn't that in Cm

15:35

it's C C Guys on of hundred see guys

15:37

s the and says the North London pub dressed.

15:39

Casually wearing his trademark baseball cap

15:42

on headphones and ink blots, white

15:44

seizure sweatpants and trainers and sunday

15:46

he says I was up drinking

15:48

and two three I am to

15:51

explains with Iowa people. As.

15:55

A does exist now I have seen. As I

15:57

said when you're gonna have made since you've got

15:59

nothing said. to drink with when even the

16:01

inside of the Tory party don't talk to you

16:03

anymore. You have to use artificial intelligence to have

16:05

a tea. The next paragraph after that is quite

16:08

funny. Despite his

16:10

reputation for being abrasive, David Cameron reportedly

16:12

labelled him a career psychopath. He

16:16

is affable and engaging. It's like, well

16:18

yeah, that's what psychopaths have to be.

16:21

He has to be like an interesting guy, otherwise

16:23

no one talks to him. Anyway,

16:26

he's going to start this new political party.

16:29

It's going to be called the start-up

16:31

party. Whatever. This

16:34

is going to happen. What's going to happen is

16:37

when the Tories are defeated in the general election,

16:39

it says if in the article, but let's say

16:42

when the Tories are defeated in the

16:44

general election, he's going to step in,

16:47

create this new party, the start-up party.

16:50

This is what it's going to do. It's going to be

16:52

A, completely different from the other parties, is it now? C,

16:55

ruthlessly focused on the voters

16:57

rather than Westminster and old media.

17:00

And C, friendly towards all the

17:02

amazing talent in the country. What

17:05

does this mean? Nothing. What

17:08

does this mean? Nothing at all. It's nothing

17:10

at all. You know how Nigel

17:12

Farage was once famously called

17:15

a pound shop Enoch Powell? I

17:17

feel like this is giving pound shop Nigel

17:19

Farage. Yeah. Yeah.

17:22

It is. It's like homeopathy. It's

17:24

like the watering down of whatever

17:27

it is. Whatever that is. He says

17:29

that he doesn't want Nigel in the... I mean,

17:31

because they do ask him the question, do you

17:33

want Nigel Farage in this part? And he

17:36

says he doesn't want him. It's not

17:38

good enough because his analysis of lovely

17:40

Nigel is that he could get 15 to 20%

17:43

of the vote, but he can't get 40 to 45% of the vote. So

17:46

that's not good enough because obviously Dominic himself

17:48

could get 45% of the vote. So

17:51

like when are the grownups going to be in charge again?

17:54

And also I have to say this interview goes

17:56

on for hours, isn't it? On

17:59

and on. and she must have been in that pub with

18:01

him and his AI friends for about

18:03

five hours. Yeah, I mean that is the other thing that

18:05

kind of comes across in this that she does seem to

18:07

quite like him. Oh, she thinks

18:09

she's bedazzled. Well, it feels like she could have wrapped

18:11

this up a lot sooner than she did. And

18:14

actually him and his AI mates were quite a good

18:16

drink in the pub. So she just stayed there listening

18:18

to his rambling for hours. Did they reach

18:21

out to the AI people for comment or? I

18:24

mean, they were smart enough to refuse to comment on anything. So

18:27

should we say that we haven't missed him? Natasha,

18:30

have you missed him? I had blissfully forgotten that

18:32

he existed and I'm very cross that I've

18:34

been reminded. Yeah,

18:36

to me, he exists in the same part of

18:38

my mind as kind of social distancing and eating

18:40

scotch eggs with a pint in like things that

18:43

kind of occupied my brain briefly and annoyed me

18:45

in 2021. But something I never

18:47

want to think about again for the rest of my life.

18:49

Those days are so weird, weren't they? Now,

18:55

here at Papercuts, we love to love

18:57

headlines. In fact, we love them so

18:59

much that if they let us down,

19:01

we don't get cross. We just ask

19:04

our lovely Papercuts listeners to sort them

19:06

out in our weekly competition, Fix the

19:08

Headline. This is where we

19:11

find a terrific story with a tragic

19:13

header and get you to think of something better.

19:16

And this week, we've got a

19:18

story from the Star about how

19:20

men's manhoods have grown on average

19:22

by 20% over the last 30 years. At

19:26

least that's what they say. Their headline

19:28

is the Ascent of Manhood,

19:30

which appallingly doesn't have a single

19:33

knob joke in there. We

19:35

know you can do better. So why not

19:37

bang your ideas over to at Papercuts show

19:40

on X or threads with the hashtag Fix

19:42

the Headline and let's see what you can

19:44

come up with. We'll read out the best

19:46

ones on Monday and the very best one

19:48

will win a Papercuts t-shirt. What about today,

19:50

Natasha? Have you got any good ones? You've

19:52

got the Star, right? I have got the

19:54

Star. There is somebody has discovered Elvis

19:56

Presley in their bacon. Well, that happens.

19:59

Yeah. Event as I expected

20:01

to the fact it's. But it

20:03

does actually look quite like of us. and

20:05

as a demonic. Elvis. Presley may be.

20:08

In I'm unconvinced. Headline:

20:11

Quite good. Suspicious rinds. Oh that's.

20:14

So to their to the fullest literally

20:16

why they did it again in the

20:18

Saw said there is a Harry Potter

20:20

superfan who is hooked on her magical

20:23

hobby. And has amassed the

20:25

world's largest collection of wizard in

20:27

memorabilia apparently. The headline is i'm

20:29

hurry policy of course is I

20:31

thought that. Would. Be something to do with the

20:33

toilet, but apparently not. Sake

20:37

of you got the sun yes and adequately complained

20:39

was and or last couple songs up on the

20:41

show. I have been the only man in the

20:43

room as sites such soon and a D get

20:46

a d get given the tabloids which I understand

20:48

the most of the cities in the room this

20:50

will the other. The other thing that happens among

20:52

was given a headline is on page three or

20:54

just had to sit here with women scantily clad

20:57

in front of me had looking like a pervert

20:59

purple a Cvs was just thinking of the says

21:01

as someone pointed out that i like wow what

21:03

a on the innocent I say emphasis. This

21:05

one is when the sun as he

21:07

sees the story of Bbc staff petitioning

21:09

to get free i milk and into

21:11

be seats a me was. Just.

21:16

When he was very i. I

21:19

myself am because it's have a cat was

21:22

well as the. Next one again the

21:24

Sun and Fees have learned to play

21:26

with Lego bricks proving that they can

21:28

dang up and this is fees Will

21:30

not let go. That. Won't

21:32

let go. Of they won't let go with it.

21:34

Did. Not let go

21:36

of it. Having is because they they've they've

21:38

they're holding on to the lego bricks right?

21:40

Okay so they have the ring around the

21:43

moving them. yeah I would have been this

21:45

this to his bags and his his loan.

21:47

So yeah. Feet as be. Danks.

21:49

There's be gangs. Gangs

21:51

whether I'd say gangs them in

21:54

pairs says hands of a decisive

21:56

thought to work together to get

21:58

a next to treat bi. shifting

22:00

the plastic Lego blocks. This seems like the boffins have

22:02

gone a bit too far. Yeah, it's one of those

22:05

things where you go, there's a lot of stuff going

22:07

wrong in the world in terms of like funding towards

22:09

science. Surely we could sort of focus

22:11

it on... No, let's get the bees playing Lego. And

22:14

then, um... And then this

22:16

one, this one, where is it? Final

22:19

one. Um... So

22:21

this is the story that French fries

22:23

are more popular than thick British chips.

22:26

Thick British chips is a good... That

22:29

should be the next Eurovision entry.

22:32

French fries are more popular than the classic British chip. Fritz

22:36

hit the fan. That's

22:38

quite good. Yeah, it doesn't quite work, because it's

22:40

not... like Fritz are actually doing well. Do you

22:42

know what I mean? It's chips have hit the

22:44

fan, but... Yeah, that's true. And also, it should

22:46

also be freaks, really, shouldn't it? Yeah, well that

22:48

might be my pronunciation. I'm

22:57

David Baudill, I'm a writer and a comedian and

22:59

a Jew. I'm Sayyid Afafee, I'm

23:01

a businesswoman and a politician and a Muslim.

23:04

Jews and Muslims always seem to be in the news

23:06

or on the news. Most people talk about us and

23:08

this is us talking about ourselves. The kind of things

23:10

that people say don't touch. We

23:12

are going to go there. I mean, I think

23:14

Jews and Muslims are talking about these things, but

23:16

I think they're not talking about them together, because

23:18

they're worried that if they do, sparks might fly.

23:21

A Muslim and a Jew go there. Find us

23:23

wherever you get your podcasts. Now,

23:30

in the telegraph features section, there

23:32

is a sweet little piece about clothes, because

23:35

it's the telegraph features section, but

23:37

this piece has a twist, doesn't

23:39

it, Natasha? Well,

23:41

three couples, three heterosexual couples,

23:44

have been challenged for the male partner to

23:47

dress the female partner, to go out and

23:49

buy her some new clothes. Only

23:52

one smashed it. In

23:54

one, the central picture, she

23:56

looks great. Jade and Seb, they

23:59

look nice. I think

24:01

that Seb's done well for Jade, although he

24:03

did buy her, you see that pink handbag?

24:06

Yeah. 128 quid. Not

24:08

worth it. No, I was quite shocked. The

24:11

most disturbing is Rosanna

24:13

and George. I mean, far

24:15

be it from me to cast aspersions on

24:17

anyone's fashion choices, but I wouldn't let him

24:19

dress anyone the way that he is dressed

24:22

himself. And then he's kind of

24:24

dressed her as this sort of stepford doily

24:26

is the only way that I can describe

24:29

it. Just horrible.

24:31

Yeah. And also, can

24:33

I just point out? So the stepford

24:35

doily lady, Rosanna, her partner, George, has

24:37

dressed her and him to merge

24:40

in with their decor. So they're

24:42

all dressed in a kind of

24:44

pastel pink. It's so weird. Don't

24:46

you think? Yeah. Am I being

24:48

judgey? I mean, I am being judgey, but like,

24:50

you know, I'm being quite judgey, but they

24:53

are dressed to match their living

24:55

room. Yeah. And

24:57

unless anybody thinks that we're being too

25:00

judgmental, this man is wearing too short,

25:02

too tight beige jeans. They're not even

25:05

beige, they're pale pink. Pale

25:07

pink jeans with brown socks

25:10

and black loafers. Please.

25:13

I mean, you know, disqualified. It

25:15

should be not letting there anybody's world.

25:17

I think all men are disqualified. We're

25:20

not qualified to dress girls. I think

25:22

it's unbelievable they took it upon themselves

25:24

to try this. I wouldn't dare. So

25:27

there are there are there are two times a week

25:29

where I do dress a woman. Now, it's not my

25:31

partner because I think that is quite toxic. I

25:34

dress my daughter. My girlfriend works nights. There are

25:36

a couple of mornings a week where I have

25:38

to dress my daughter ready for nursery. And

25:41

I've realised that I do it so badly

25:43

that people know, people at the school gates know

25:45

when I like the amount of times people have

25:47

gone, oh, is Alana working tonight? And I've gone,

25:49

how do they know? And it's like, oh, because

25:51

of the way my daughter is dressed. But it's

25:53

so hard. I

25:56

don't understand. What are the difference between tights

25:58

and leggings? Well

26:00

the tights have got bottom bits that go

26:02

over your feet. You're

26:06

absolutely funny! For

26:10

me, it's just fabric that covers legs,

26:13

right? And there's a

26:15

few times where she's like, oh my god, you have

26:17

to put something on top of that. She can't just

26:19

walk around in her tights. She

26:21

can't, right? But then I'm like,

26:23

but she can walk around in leggings. Leggings are

26:25

different. But apart from

26:27

the feet, it's just fabric. I

26:30

can't believe these men have tried this. I

26:34

bet you don't even... Do you think about the colours when you

26:36

put on... what you're putting onto your daughter? I think about them.

26:40

I don't have any confidence that I can

26:42

get it right. So I just put her all in

26:44

the same colour. That's what I think. I mean, that's

26:47

easier, right? I don't know if yellow complements green. I

26:49

don't know whether blue is supposed to go orange. So

26:51

just do all blue, all pink, all white. Do you

26:53

know? Essentially, she always goes in

26:55

an attract suit when I do. And

27:01

that's the end of today's Paper Cuts. Thanks to Natasha.

27:03

Thank you for having me. Thanks to Jacob. Thank you.

27:06

Remember, if you fancy listening to the show with no

27:08

ads and a special extra story, then

27:11

why not join the Paper Cuts

27:13

Support Club? Go to back.papercutshow.com. The

27:15

link is in the show notes. I've been Miranda Sawyer, and

27:17

you've been listening to Paper Cuts on

27:20

a day when the sun

27:22

reveals that drinking tea helps

27:24

kill the Covid virus. Amazing

27:29

news, though this still wouldn't make a Tetley tea

27:31

worth it. Happy

27:33

birthday, by the way, to our producer, Liam Tate,

27:35

who is not here. He is scurrying, but we

27:37

miss you. See you on

27:40

Monday. Thank

27:56

you. art

28:00

by the Modern Toss. A managing

28:02

editor is Jacob Jarvis, group editor

28:04

Andrew Harrison, and executive producer Martin

28:06

Beutau. Paper Cuts is a podmasters

28:08

production.