0:00

Welcome to the Paradigm you

0:02

podcast . You know , in this

0:04

work and on the journey , I've just seen that

0:06

it feels too easy . What do you mean ? I

0:08

just write down a new version of myself

0:11

, or write down a different story about myself

0:13

. That is exactly what you do . That's exactly

0:15

where you start . Really think of yourself

0:17

a year from now . Who is that version

0:19

of you ?

0:21

You're listening to the Paradigm you podcast

0:23

. You're about to start transforming your life by growing

0:26

your mind and expanding your paradigms . Here

0:28

we'll cover real life topics , just

0:30

like the stuff you'd share with a good friend . This podcast

0:32

will serve up topics that weigh on our hearts and

0:34

keep us up at night , whether it's navigating parenthood

0:37

and becoming an adult , or wayfinding , personal

0:39

development , marriage and money . You , my

0:41

friend , are in the right place . I'm glad you're

0:43

here .

0:44

Welcome back to the Paradigm you podcast . On

0:46

this week's episode , we're continuing

0:48

the series of how to harness

0:51

the power of your subconscious by

0:53

strategic moves so that you

0:55

can get the life that you want . Today

0:57

, we're talking about the stories

1:00

that we tell ourselves on repeat , and

1:02

I have the brilliant Lisa Sarnowski

1:04

joining me today . Lisa , how's it going ? I'm

1:06

doing great . April , good to be here . Are

1:09

we ready to talk about stories this

1:11

week ?

1:11

Oh , such a great topic

1:13

and pivotal if anyone wants to actually

1:16

make change in their life . Absolutely .

1:17

Absolutely Petable . Yeah , oh , my goodness

1:20

. So you know , Lisa and I both had

1:22

a whole bunch of different experiences with

1:24

regards to stories , but we decided that this

1:26

is a topic that we want to talk about , because

1:29

the stories that we tell ourselves on

1:31

a regular basis actually

1:33

end up creating the environment

1:35

that we're living . And if you

1:38

are looking around your environment

1:40

, your life right now , and there's some area that

1:42

you're like hold on , this is not what I

1:44

agree to . This is not in alignment

1:46

with where I want my life to be . That means

1:49

that there's some , I'd

1:51

say , dissonance between what you want

1:53

and what you have as far as the stories that

1:55

are on repeat in your head .

1:57

Yeah , absolutely , and you know those stories

2:00

. Our brain can't decipher

2:02

between true and false . So

2:04

for anyone telling yourself a

2:06

story is just going to continue

2:09

to cement your current

2:11

reality . And this is where

2:13

it becomes fun , because

2:15

you realize that in order to change your

2:18

reality , you simply need a new story

2:20

. That's all . It is Pretty

2:22

cool .

2:23

So cool , how neat you

2:26

just changed the channel . Yeah

2:29

, you're like wait , I don't like the show that I'm watching

2:31

. Let's move on to something that I actually

2:33

agree with a little bit more . So I

2:36

have a couple of examples that I can think

2:38

of off the top of my head . But , Lisa , how about you ? Do you

2:40

have any examples where you're like oh yeah

2:42

, this was a story I had on repeat . Maybe

2:44

you , you know , picked it up at some point in

2:46

your life and you're like hold on . At

2:49

some point you're like you woke up and you're like , nope , I

2:51

don't agree anymore .

2:53

Multiple , right ? I mean , we're all on this journey

2:55

, we're all rewriting our

2:57

stories as we go , but one of them early on

2:59

for me as a coach was that

3:02

I'm a coach , I'm not a business owner , and

3:05

that took a while for me to

3:07

unprogram and realize that you can be

3:10

both , and what does that look like

3:12

unique to me ? Or another one

3:14

I hear a lot from clients is I'm

3:16

just I'm not good at sales . I'm not good at sales

3:18

. I'm not good at sales . You know I'm sure

3:20

you hear this too , and so

3:22

, but honestly , one of my

3:25

biggest stories that I've had to reprogram

3:27

is actually the story that I'm not a

3:29

good storyteller . That

3:31

one was mine for me . I

3:35

uncovered that one a few years ago and I thought

3:37

wait a second . I think they

3:39

are all hinging on this one

3:42

story . I

3:46

love that . I never told you that .

3:47

Yeah , tell me more about this .

3:49

I am surrounded by incredibly creative

3:52

people in my life and I definitely

3:55

put them on a pedestal regarding their

3:57

ability to tell stories . What I didn't

3:59

realize I was doing subconsciously

4:02

is when I would start to speak

4:04

up around certain people , they

4:06

would stop listening to me . They

4:08

would physically leave the room , they

4:10

wouldn't engage me back and

4:13

I misinterpreted that as

4:15

me not being an effective storyteller

4:17

, when the reality was , what

4:19

I was talking about was completely

4:22

over their head . It just didn't land

4:24

. Certain people want to talk

4:26

about movies and actors

4:29

and I'm all in

4:31

. I will listen to the story that's being presented

4:34

to me , but that's definitely not

4:36

my jam . I don't

4:38

know celebrity names tends

4:42

not to be where I am , but when

4:44

I would be talking about personal development or growing

4:46

a business , it was the same reaction

4:49

back . Almost it was like they couldn't retain

4:51

or understand what I was talking about . Does

4:53

that make sense ?

4:54

It does . It's so interesting that that's the

4:56

story that came to you because , interestingly

4:59

, a lot of our listeners are entrepreneurs

5:01

and I wonder if they have similar experiences

5:03

. Oh

5:05

, I'm so curious now , okay , listeners , if

5:08

that is a story or something similar

5:10

where you're like , yeah , I just can't relate to

5:12

certain things because my head is going in a different

5:15

direction , let us know . I would

5:17

love to hear more about that . So

5:19

how did you overcome that , leis ? I

5:21

started .

5:23

First of all , I started re-imagining

5:26

what an effective storyteller was

5:29

and I started writing more , and then I started

5:31

seeing that and of course , when you are surrounded

5:33

by the people that you're meant to be surrounded

5:35

with , that conversation does land and

5:38

people do resonate and they can relate

5:40

, and so it's equally just

5:42

audience adaptation as well in

5:44

my own life . But there was a

5:46

lot of subconscious reprogramming with that . So

5:48

a lot of the work that we're talking about

5:50

in the series I would take to my subconscious

5:53

reprogramming and use the

5:55

visual stimulus as

5:57

well .

5:58

Ooh , I love that . That's so cool . How

6:00

about you ?

6:01

So what was a story that you rewrote ?

6:04

You know , I had two of them when I was thinking about

6:06

this episode that I'm like oh , these are two

6:08

that I think were probably two of the bigger ones

6:10

that I've had to overcome in the last few years

6:12

. The first one is that I can't

6:15

be a parent a good parent and

6:17

be a business owner at the same time .

6:20

That was a story .

6:21

Yeah , because I would look

6:23

for proof . So here's an interesting little

6:25

side note with regards to the

6:27

power of your subconscious when

6:29

you start to believe a story and

6:31

you believe it to be true , then all of

6:33

a sudden you have all these little antennas

6:36

that go out and they're looking for proof to

6:38

validate whatever story you

6:40

have on repeat . So I had a

6:42

story that you know what , if I was going

6:44

to be an entrepreneur and a business

6:47

owner , I couldn't also equally

6:49

be this awesome rockstar mom

6:51

that I aspired to be , who was present

6:53

for things and volunteering in kids classrooms

6:56

and helping with homework and

6:58

actually keeping my finger on

7:00

the pulse of what was happening with my children . And

7:03

so when I realized that that was

7:05

something that I didn't agree with and

7:07

, equally , that's not what I wanted . So

7:10

that's the key piece . It's something that you have to . If

7:13

you disagree with it , that's one thing , but if you're

7:15

like , wait , that's not what I want . If

7:17

I want both and I did I

7:19

wanted to be a successful

7:22

entrepreneur who was able to lean

7:24

into my creativity and make

7:26

an impact in the ways that I'm meant to make an impact

7:28

, but equally , I wanted to be

7:30

this amazing parent who could be present

7:32

and engaged with my children and

7:35

I had this story that was deeply ingrained

7:37

, that nope , you had to pick one or the other . And

7:39

so once I decided that I wanted to rewrite

7:42

that story and change that channel , for example

7:44

, then I started using some of

7:46

the different tools that are available

7:48

to you to reprogram the subconscious

7:51

and say you know what , I'm gonna rewrite my story

7:53

and this is how I decide

7:55

that it's going to live and I'm

7:57

gonna play it out .

7:59

So cool . How do you find

8:01

you know where are you at now with that story

8:03

? Oh , I'm so glad you asked

8:05

.

8:05

You know , I think , on a daily basis . I

8:08

think that it still bubbles up from

8:10

time to time , but

8:13

equally , I feel like

8:15

I'm armed with the tools and

8:17

the belief system now that , no , I can

8:20

have both and I get to choose

8:22

how I show up each day , and

8:24

there may be things or times where I drop

8:26

the ball in one area or the other , but

8:28

it's also what is the story when I

8:31

do drop the ball , if you

8:33

know , for example , if I didn't get back

8:35

to a parent to coordinate a playdate for my

8:37

toddler quick enough , ooh

8:39

, I could be like oh , there's an inadequacy

8:41

there , or I'm the slacker , or I could just be like

8:43

you know what I'm busy and

8:45

I'm going to show up the best I can when I can

8:48

. And equally , I have to be

8:50

okay with sometimes just , you know , not

8:52

getting back to those text messages to coordinate

8:54

that playdate right away .

8:56

Yes , awesome , oh , that's so

8:58

great . I'm loving the new reframe and

9:01

I do think a lot of listeners can can

9:03

relate to that , because you know , working

9:05

with women entrepreneurs that's part of the journey

9:07

is how do we become

9:10

the identity that we want and be

9:12

the business owner and be the mother that we

9:14

desire ? You know , that's that

9:16

is . That's a good , a

9:19

good story that you've retold .

9:21

Oh it's a work in progress

9:23

, like we all are working on , but

9:25

you know , the reason that we decided that stories

9:27

was so important was because a lot of us

9:29

have these stories on repeat . It's

9:33

almost like a constant loop , that's like playing

9:35

almost in this , like background noise , and

9:38

what I want to want

9:40

our listeners to understand is that you

9:42

get to change that and you can stop

9:44

that loop if it's not something that's

9:46

in alignment with where you want to go

9:49

.

9:50

Yeah , and it's such a powerful

9:52

tool . We think sometimes you

9:54

know , in this work and on the journey , I've just

9:56

seen that it feels too easy

9:59

. What do you mean ? I just write down a new , write down a new

10:01

version of myself , or write down a

10:03

different story about myself . That

10:05

is exactly what you do . That's exactly

10:07

where you start is really

10:09

think of yourself a year from now . Who

10:11

is that version of you ? Write

10:14

it out in detail . What does that look like ? If

10:16

you're a business owner , what are you

10:18

doing ? What are you not doing ? What are you passing

10:20

off ? What are you ? You know , where is this growing

10:22

? If you are a mother as well , what

10:24

does that look like ? Or if you're partnered , you

10:27

get to decide what your life looks

10:29

like , and really

10:31

that in and of itself is a story

10:33

that we don't decide , that we

10:35

are simply the victim of

10:37

whatever is around us , and so

10:40

you're already reprogramming that

10:42

and really embodying this idea

10:44

that I am in control

10:47

of my future . It is up to me to decide

10:49

and choose .

10:51

Ooh , I just got goosebumps . I

10:54

did Good stuff , it is good stuff

10:56

. It's so exciting and you know , as

10:58

women entrepreneurs , I don't think a whole lot

11:00

of people are talking to us about that .

11:03

No , I think it gets seen

11:05

sometimes a little bit too softly like

11:07

oh , that's just a little bit of woo , woo stuff , that's

11:09

not actually what you need . When really

11:12

you know the core

11:14

of these stories , what you'll start

11:16

to understand and unpack for yourself

11:19

. And we're not going to we

11:21

don't have time to go into this too much , but I do want to

11:23

plant the seed of this idea of secondary

11:25

gains , because the reason you're staying

11:28

in your current story loop

11:30

is because it somehow serves

11:32

you . So let me give you a quick example

11:34

of this . It's

11:36

like someone who accidentally

11:39

injures themselves and

11:41

then they have to take time off

11:44

work . They have their family

11:46

take care of them and they get a lot of

11:48

attention . So secondary

11:50

gains sometimes exist in our world

11:52

. They can both help and hurt us . So

11:54

in this example , getting hurt

11:57

gets you the outcome you want . You want attention

11:59

, you want time with family , you want time off work . However

12:01

, it also hurts you because you're

12:04

getting that outcome not in a way that you actually want

12:06

. So as you start

12:08

rewriting your story , what you're

12:10

going to realize and unpack

12:12

a bit is there

12:14

have been some benefits for you to

12:16

stay safe in this old story loop and this old story

12:19

in these old paradigms .

12:21

Oh , I had to work through some of that , Lisa

12:24

. Uh-huh , Lots

12:26

of it . I'm still working through it Because

12:28

once you start shedding that light on

12:31

ooh , what is the secondary gain ? Yeah

12:33

, and why am I ? Maybe

12:35

playing small ? Or perhaps

12:38

, you know , for a business owner who maybe

12:41

is feeling like man , I just I can't seem

12:43

to get ahead .

12:44

Yes , or why am I

12:46

not speaking up more ? Why am I not actually

12:49

telling listeners exactly

12:51

what I think and feel ? Right , I mean , there's

12:53

, there's . This can go a lot of different ways within

12:56

the business world .

12:57

Oh , I've had to work through a lot of this and

12:59

it doesn't feel great .

13:01

Let's just call that out and be like

13:03

oh , and it shouldn't it almost

13:05

shouldn't feel great because it's new right and

13:07

we forget that , like we got so

13:10

great at making ourselves comfortable

13:12

that we forget what that discomfort

13:14

feels like . So if it feels uncomfortable

13:16

, congratulations You're well in the

13:18

way You're winning .

13:20

Exactly , you're doing the work

13:22

. You know what , lisa ? You just touched on a really

13:24

important piece that I want to make sure that

13:26

we just pause and camp out for

13:28

a second , which is if it

13:30

doesn't feel comfortable . That means

13:33

that you're moving beyond that comfort

13:35

level and your subconscious is really

13:37

built to keep you comfortable

13:39

and feeling safe . Yeah , it's

13:41

going to continue to serve up , as we've talked about

13:43

on previous episodes . It's going to continue to

13:45

serve up that 95%

13:48

of your daily actions and beliefs

13:50

and behaviors , because

13:52

that's what it believes is your , is

13:54

what you need . So when you start fucking

13:56

the system , yeah , and it's .

13:58

It's what we've conditioned it to believe . Right , like

14:00

, please keep me in this loop , because

14:03

this is what I do , this is my routine

14:06

, this is what keeps me safe , and

14:08

when you start working against that , it's

14:11

like wait a second , you program me one way

14:13

. You know it's

14:15

exciting to unwind that . Yeah , yeah .

14:20

So you know , to kind of put a bow on this and tie this

14:22

all together , each of us has

14:24

stories that we've signed

14:26

up and allowed to run kind

14:28

of through our subconscious

14:30

, in the background of our minds , almost

14:33

on autopilot . And Lisa

14:36

and I are here today to challenge

14:38

you to to look

14:40

at those stories and ask yourself do I

14:42

believe these stories to be true ? Mm , hmm

14:45

, Do I agree with these stories

14:47

and am I willing to continue living from

14:50

that place , or do

14:52

I want to change the script ? Do

14:54

I want to change the stories of how

14:57

I believe in myself , what

14:59

I believe is possible , where I want to go ? This

15:02

is truly shifting your paradigm at

15:04

like a basic level .

15:06

Yeah , but a foundational one

15:08

, an absolutely critical

15:10

and foundational level , because you change your

15:12

story , you change your life . So

15:15

I absolutely agree , April

15:17

. I think if , if listeners , if you can

15:20

work through those questions that April posed

15:22

and then allow yourself

15:24

space and time to rewrite

15:27

your story and start working

15:29

from that place , a

15:31

lot of magic will unfold very , very quickly

15:33

, Yep absolutely .

15:36

But before you can do that , you need to decide

15:38

what are the stories that you're willing to keep

15:40

and what are the stories that you want to release

15:42

. And , equally , what is that secondary

15:45

gain that Lisa talked about that you're

15:47

like , oh okay , now I realize this . Do

15:49

I want to continue operating

15:51

from that lens or is that something

15:53

that's keeping me feeling stuck ? And

15:56

once you have those answers

15:59

, then you start using the

16:01

tools that we're going to continue giving you

16:03

to apply that subconscious reprogramming

16:05

to change those stories . But

16:07

you can't change the stories through subconscious

16:10

reprogramming until you actually know which ones

16:12

you want to release and change . That's why we're calling

16:14

light to that today , because we want to call out

16:16

those stories that a lot of us don't even realize our

16:18

stories . All right , lisa , do you have anything else that you

16:20

want to add ?

16:21

I would just love the listeners to know that we are

16:23

enjoying the series , and we

16:25

would love to hear from you what your current

16:27

stories are and how we can support you through them

16:30

. So feel free to drop us a note and

16:32

let us know .

16:33

Yeah , and we have a really exciting

16:35

topic that we're going to be talking about next week

16:37

. That starts to loop all of this together

16:39

, because you might be at this point where you're like hold

16:41

up . Now I've just realized that I've

16:43

been met with resistance in these areas

16:46

. Now I understand these stories

16:48

that I need to change . Now I understand that what's

16:50

possible and how I can change some of these things

16:52

. What's the next step and how do I

16:54

start bringing this all together ? And we

16:56

will be continuing to guide you through that

16:58

for the next couple of weeks in this series

17:00

. Until then , cheers

17:03

to Good Karma . It is closing time

17:05

.

17:06

Thank you for listening to this entire

17:09

podcast . I hope this episode

17:11

has left you feeling curious and

17:13

inspired . This podcast is intended

17:15

to create expansion in your life through

17:18

unique stories and shared experiences

17:20

, and if you enjoyed today's episode

17:22

, I have a request . I'd like to ask you

17:24

to share this podcast with your friends and

17:26

family . I bet they'd enjoy it just

17:29

as much as you have . And , if you found value

17:31

, please share this on your social media

17:33

outlets . That is Good Karma in

17:36

action . My friends , all right , it

17:38

is now closing time . Cheers to

17:40

Good Karma and the power to

17:42

choose joy .

17:45

If you like this , tell your friends

17:47

.

17:49

Stay tuned for the end because we have outtakes

17:51

.

17:52

And now for the outtakes . And

17:56

now for the outtakes .

17:57

Hold on , I'm totally using this as outtake . Go

18:00

for it .

18:04

Oh , that was fun , I got tongue-tied . Hey , you've

18:06

been listening . Test Test

18:10

one , two , three , four .

18:13

Okay , Now say hey , welcome

18:15

to the podcast .

18:17

Hey , welcome to the podcast

18:19

. You're really great . Everyone

18:21

, Everyone that's listening to

18:23

this podcast , even if they don't even hear

18:25

the rest , even if they only can listen

18:27

to a part of it because of a screaming

18:30

baby You're all really awesome

18:32

.

18:33

Yeah , thanks for listening , bye , bye .

18:35

Bye , over and out . Thanks

18:37

for listening .