In this episode from 2022 Leah  does her own work, in front of everyone. Illustrated by an interaction with her 9-year-old,  she works through her own history and how it impacts her responses to her own children.

We often assign very negative intentions, motives, and behaviors to our kids when they are incredibly young, setting the stage to maintain these negative beliefs about them as they age.

The messages we got as children seems to determine the negative attributes we assign our kids.  As a child, if we were taught that we had to listen to adults because they always knew better, and if we didn't we were labeled as disrespectful/sinful/ungrateful, then those are thoughts we will very easily have about our kids when they engage in the same behavior.

Even when I can recognize how unhealthy my childhood messages were for me, those same thoughts are almost automatic when my kids engage in negative behaviors.

Traditional parenting puts all the burden on our kids, focusing soley on how they behave and what they did that was inappropriate. This type of parenting flips that on its head and recognizes that how we respond and react as parents is actually what impacts the nature of those interactions and our relationships with our kids!

When we think we're not able to do this type of parenting because we keep getting triggered and respond in ways we don't want to, we believe: "YOU'RE DOING IT!" The process of being triggered, responding, and assessing how it went and how we want it to go differently, is how you do this and start to make changes!

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