0:00

Hello. Hello and welcome to this episode of Peace

0:04

by pieces. Unpacking The Human Experience.

0:07

I'm your host Ashley Hutt, and I'm so happy

0:10

that you are here.

0:14

If you've been listening for a while, you know that most mornings I sit down and

0:18

write it's a practice called morning Pages,

0:22

you know, where the the ideas that you you

0:26

sit down, you know first thing if you can

0:28

and when you're still in the in a brainwave

0:32

state where you're more in touch with your subconscious mind, you know, you're not all

0:36

the way awake yet. Right like you're it's like before your

0:38

first cup of coffee type of like like

0:41

almost dreamy type of state and you get to

0:44

access these deeper parts of your mind and

0:46

things just flow out and this message

0:52

Flowed out of me today and I and I don't I

0:55

don't really have a lead in for it. I don't know what triggered it.

0:59

There was nothing, you know, sometimes I have like oh this happened with me and my

1:02

daughter or hey, I saw this real and this

1:05

made me think about this, you know, no this

1:07

this doesn't this just came out of me.

1:09

So we're just gonna go with it.

1:12

It's it's that this

1:16

That it's not our kids job.

1:18

It's not their job. It's not their job to see us and hear us

1:24

and validate us and emotionally support us,

1:27

especially when they're small.

1:31

But still still even if they're preteens

1:33

still even if they're teenagers and really

1:35

even if they're like anything less than than mid 20s, right?

1:40

And yes, we all want to have that like beautiful future relationship with our kid

1:44

like when when they're adults and and

1:47

having that loving support, you know, yes. Yes.

1:49

Yes we're talking about when they're small

1:51

we're talking about when they're small when the kids are small it is not their job to

1:55

validate us. It's not their job to make us feel

1:58

appreciated. It's not their job to to understand where

2:03

we are emotionally. We are the adults.

2:06

We are the adults that either needs to come

2:10

from in inside of ourselves.

2:14

From ourselves first from our inner core

2:16

Our Own unshakable Foundation beneath our

2:19

feet and with the assistance and the

2:22

support, you know that hopefully most of us

2:25

have at least somebody a friend a partner a

2:29

sister. parents neighbors, whatever

2:35

That we can lean on. It's not not their job.

2:39

It's not their job. It's our job to see and hear them to

2:45

validate them to emotionally support them.

2:49

We are the adult and they are these small

2:53

humans. That are growing and developing.

2:58

In response to the environment that they

3:00

are surrounded by. And we are the captain.

3:05

That are guiding them the compassionate captain that are guiding them and

3:09

influencing them mama you are their

3:12

greatest influencer in their life.

3:18

Now as I pondered this this morning in my

3:20

journaling as this just like came to me

3:22

organically how things do sometimes what it

3:25

connected to immediately was the movie Brave.

3:30

It's the Disney movie with the with the princess with the wild red curly hair.

3:36

If you haven't seen it. This may not make any sense.

3:41

But there's the scene in Brave where Merida

3:44

who's the princess and I would say she's probably 16.

3:48

because they're trying to marry her off and

3:50

that seems to be like the age of Disney movies where they think that

3:54

The girl gets married off but you know

3:58

teenage Merida and her mom are fighting.

4:02

In the mom has raised her, you know to be

4:04

the perfect princess, you know with the etiquette and the you know, perfect

4:09

handwriting and the posture and the you

4:12

know, blah blah. all that, right

4:17

So they're fighting. They're arguing in the mom.

4:21

So severely wants Meredith to see that that

4:25

she's wrong. The Merit is wrong that she's done wrong.

4:28

Like see the wrong in what she has done and

4:31

married a disagrees. They are in different realities here.

4:38

And the mom so desperately once married to

4:40

like just to see to see the the wrong that

4:43

she did. Emira doesn't so then her mom shifts into Force.

4:48

She shifts into telling Merida like this is

4:51

what you're gonna do. This is what you're gonna do you're gonna

4:53

say this you're gonna do the like you are. This is a mess that you made which is my

4:58

past episode. This is a mess that you made and you're

5:00

gonna clean it up and this is what you're gonna do, but but Meredith still isn't

5:04

listening. But neither is the queen.

5:07

She's not listening to what her daughter is saying.

5:10

And then the queen because that didn't work, you know, the the reason didn't work

5:15

the the force the telling you the

5:17

controlling didn't work the queen then

5:20

shifts into punishment mode. A consequence as some would call it but a

5:25

big extravagant final blow to be heard the

5:28

queen wants so bad to be heard by her

5:31

daughter. That she shifts into punishment.

5:35

To push Merida into compliance.

5:37

That's her goal anyway, and she grabs her

5:40

daughter's beloved bow, like bow and arrow

5:42

bow and throws it into the fire.

5:47

And does that bring Merida into compliance?

5:51

Does it ever? No, it didn't bring mirror didn't

5:56

compliance. Even if it had it wouldn't have been.

6:00

true authentic compliance now

6:04

was the queen seeking correction? or connection

6:10

Right, was she seeking to like meet in the

6:12

middle and understand where Merida was coming from or was she seeking to enforce

6:16

her will upon her daughter? correction

6:20

And how did that work out? If you're nursing the movie, you don't know

6:24

what happens next but Merida the child,

6:26

she's a teenager, but they're still chat

6:28

like kind of them not joking. When I tell you that our brains as human

6:32

beings all of us are not developed fully

6:36

our logical our prefrontal cortex, like our

6:39

brains are not fully developed until we are

6:41

25 to 28 years old. So believe me when a teenager is still a child.

6:47

Meredith the child feels super unseen

6:50

unheard unvalued invisible just a pawn in

6:54

her mother's game. She's betrayed because her bow is like

6:58

that's her thing. That's her passion.

7:02

right, so her mom is just

7:05

Very much betrayed her she's disconnected.

7:07

She disconnects herself and she runs away

7:10

and she's led to a witch that makes a spell

7:13

that she gives to her. Mom that changes her mom into a bear.

7:18

And then there's the whole middle part of the movie. Right, they learned some stuff.

7:22

They let go they they go through some

7:24

conflict. There's some fires. There's some chases there's axes.

7:27

There's drunken loud men, you know the

7:29

normal time. And in the end we're towards the end the

7:34

Mom finally like through this process the

7:36

Mom finally sees her daughter. For who she is.

7:41

And not who she wants her to be. She finally gets to know Merida.

7:48

instead of just knowing this Vision that

7:50

she has of her and her mind that the real

7:53

person just doesn't match up to she gets to see in value these skills and

7:59

abilities that Merida has that fall outside

8:02

of the perfect princess. image

8:08

and and Merida learns to and I sat and pondered

8:15

on this of like what what does Mera to learn during that time? What she really

8:19

learns is is just how to reconnect back with her mom and that

8:24

she she does actually want a happy healthy relationship with her mom,

8:30

but she also wants to be loved for who she

8:33

is and seen for who she is and supported

8:36

for what who she is and heard. For what she wants with her own life.

8:42

Meredith ends up fighting to help her mom

8:44

because she finally feels seen and heard

8:47

and understood and loved. No friends.

8:51

mamas was this Meredith's fault?

8:55

Because she loved to be free. Because she loved to shoot her bow and

9:00

write her horse and climb waterfalls. Because she didn't want to get married.

9:04

No, of course, not of course. It's not her fault.

9:07

Right? Of course. This conflict isn't her fault because she's

9:09

a child. in those things were inherent to her being

9:15

they were it was her. Her uniqueness her passion her wants and

9:21

desires for her own life. And you know did it all work out in the

9:26

end? Of course? Yes, of course it all

9:28

worked out. You know her her dad did not kill her mom

9:31

and bear form and there was no huge tragedy

9:35

and you know, they all like learned their

9:38

lesson and lived happily ever after. Yes, of course it all worked out because

9:40

it's a Disney movie. but

9:45

could this all have been avoided? If the mom had been present.

9:51

and calm and patient

9:55

and curious about her daughter

9:58

present with the daughter that she has and

10:02

not the daughter that she wishes she had Could all of that have been avoided if the

10:06

mother could regulate herself and see her

10:09

daughter for who she is. Allowing her not only to speak but also

10:14

hearing her hearing.

10:17

What she had to say? Knowing her and adjusting her mothering in

10:23

support of her daughter instead of forcing

10:25

her child into a box of her own creation. Could that have all been avoided? Yep?

10:30

Yeah, I think so. I think so could all that fighting and

10:34

destruction and witches and spells and turning into a bear been avoided if the mom

10:38

had softened and connected with her heart

10:41

to her daughter's heart. To do and be an advocate for the needs of

10:47

her daughter. Yep, I think so.

10:51

Could all of that have been avoided if the mom was self-aware.

10:55

Aware of her own emotions aware of her own

10:57

expectations of her daughter aware of her

11:00

own traumas and triggers and reactions and

11:03

conditioning and programming around what a

11:06

young lady should be. So that she could look at them with

11:10

clarity. So that she was able to to put her reaction

11:14

on a shelf and be the loving patient kind.

11:17

Joyful presence for her daughter. Yeah.

11:21

If the queen had been able to do this when

11:23

Meredith was younger. Instead of instilling that a princess needs

11:27

to be perfect. Would Meredith have had years of happy?

11:33

Joyful childhood? Being seen and heard and supported and

11:37

nourished for her harness.

11:41

Instead of feeling like all of her most

11:44

uniquely her parts were being cut off so

11:47

that she could fit into that box. Now that may not make for an exciting movie.

11:55

But mama, you know, you're your life your

11:57

motherhood and your child's childhood is

12:00

not a movie. It's not a movie.

12:03

It's not a movie there doesn't have to be any big conflicts.

12:07

There doesn't have to be super highs.

12:10

And super low lows. There doesn't have to be the roller

12:15

coaster. It's a moment. You know it.

12:17

It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay like the movie is all

12:22

okay in the end. There's a saying that I heard a long time

12:26

ago that I held dear for a long time. And I'm not sure nice.

12:30

I think I still believe it is that it's all

12:33

okay in the end and if it's not okay, then

12:36

it's not the end. And I think that that gives us some hope

12:40

so, you know, it's all gonna be okay, if

12:43

you're listening right now and you're like,

12:45

I don't know how to I don't know how to do

12:47

this or maybe your kids are older and

12:49

you're like shit. I already effed up right like what it or

12:53

man, you know because I get it.

12:58

You know. Should happens and things get resolved.

13:01

That's it happens all the time every day.

13:04

You know, we we have all you and me Mama

13:07

we've lived through some stuff and we you

13:10

know, we've I worked through some of it and

13:13

have the opportunity to work through. more

13:17

And you could you get to choose. And you get to choose based on your

13:22

circumstances because I don't know. You get to choose.

13:27

And you make the best choices for you. I don't know what's happening in your life.

13:30

I don't know where you are right now. I don't know how many kids you have.

13:33

I don't know if you're married. I don't know if you're working. I don't know if you have any any and all of

13:38

the resources that that you need. You know that.

13:44

And I'm empowering you. to choose and that may be like

13:49

Look, I hear what you're saying Ashley and

13:51

I'm doing my best and that's all I got

13:54

right now. And and I just trust and have faith that I

13:58

am doing my best and my best is good enough

14:00

and then my kids are gonna be okay because they are they're gonna be okay.

14:03

They're gonna be okay. and maybe you're like

14:08

now I want to do this now Ashley. I want to do this now.

14:10

How how do I do this? How do I how do I how

14:14

do I do this? Because you can invest time and money in

14:18

energy and resources into activating your

14:22

best and truest mom heart. Now while they're little you can remove

14:27

your learned barriers to your best and

14:30

truest mom heart. Establishing new default tools to

14:34

seamlessly restore and access your best and

14:38

truest mom heart even in chaos.

14:41

You can do that now. And reduce the amount reduce the colors and

14:46

textures and quantity of shit that will

14:49

happen that will need to be resolved in

14:52

your kid's life. We can reduce it.

14:54

We can't we can't take it all away guys.

14:57

There is no perfect. There is it does not exist.

15:00

There are always going to be things. And you can model for your children that

15:09

that there is shit. it's there and you can resolve it and you

15:13

can show them how you get to choose.

15:17

If you do want to uncover and activate and

15:20

access your best and truest mom heart even

15:23

in chaos and Tantrums and messes and even

15:26

in front of your parents or that judgy lady

15:29

at the supermarket. If you do want to do that now while they're

15:33

still little Apply for a free DM conversation with me to

15:38

identify What's blocking you? From having a guilt-free.

15:42

Joyful motherhood and childhood.

15:46

Let's get to know each other a little bit. I have many program options to assist you

15:50

in your motherhood returning to the Joy.

15:54

in this journey from minimal time money energy investment

15:58

to going all in there is something that will fit you

16:02

something that will benefit you. I know it.

16:06

I've designed it this way because I want to

16:08

reach as many of you and help as many of

16:10

you as little and as big as I can.

16:15

So click the link below and apply for this

16:19

DM conversation with me. And let's get to know each other a little bit.

16:24

I love you, and I love your kids. In my hope is for your true heart to be

16:29

uncovered and to shine. So that there's never believes that it has

16:36

to hide to survive. I love you.

16:41

Let's do this hit that apply button below.

16:43

I can't wait to hear from you.