0:06

Welcome to Permission for Pleasure . I'm

0:09

Cindy Sharkey , your host , and , as always

0:11

, I'm delighted you're here Today

0:13

. I am re -airing episode 41

0:16

from season 2 , originally

0:18

called Pleasure Techniques . It has

0:20

quickly shot up to the second most

0:22

downloaded episode over all three

0:24

seasons , which tells me

0:26

it's the education you want

0:29

and need . Probably you're sharing

0:31

this episode with your friends . I want

0:33

to re-air it for my newer listeners

0:35

and for those who missed it the first time around

0:37

. It's a quickie-to-parter . One

0:40

part is about why we fake orgasms

0:43

and how it doesn't help us or our

0:45

partner and conversation prompts

0:47

to help you talk about it . The

0:50

other part is specific pleasure

0:52

techniques to use with penetration

0:54

that will increase not only chances

0:57

of orgasm but pleasure and enjoyment

0:59

. Be sure and check out the show notes for

1:02

some G-rated video clip demos

1:04

that will give you more context about the techniques

1:06

using my crocheted bold

1:09

and vagina model . So

1:11

let's start with some of these practical tips

1:13

and techniques to increase your pleasure

1:15

and possible orgasms

1:18

with penetration . To

1:21

clarify when I say penetration

1:23

I mean penis

1:25

, toy , fingers , any and all of that

1:28

. So giving language

1:30

to what works for you

1:32

, maybe what you're already

1:34

doing can be really

1:36

helpful Helpful for yourself

1:38

in understanding your body

1:41

and helpful in communicating

1:43

with a partner . What

1:46

brings you pleasure , what do you need

1:48

for pleasure ? What you

1:50

desire and want to try for

1:53

pleasure . So I want to share

1:55

these four ways that women report

1:57

experiencing more pleasure from vaginal

2:00

penetration , and these were

2:02

found in a study conducted by

2:04

OMGS , a research

2:06

company and website devoted to women's

2:08

sexual pleasure , alongside

2:11

Indiana University School of Medicine

2:13

. Over 4,000

2:15

women ages 18

2:17

to 93 were studied . So

2:19

let me be super clear these techniques

2:21

were reported through the

2:24

study named and

2:26

then published in a scientific journal , plos

2:28

One . So I'm trying

2:31

to spell out the research in

2:33

a simple way to help you

2:36

, help yourself . You

2:38

may hear one or two of these things

2:40

and think , oh , I do that

2:43

. Or you may listen and think I

2:45

want to try that . That seems

2:48

like that is something that would be helpful

2:50

for me . So let's jump in

2:52

. The first one is called shallowing

2:54

. Shallowing is used by

2:56

84% of women and

3:00

this touch that stays

3:02

just inside the entrance

3:04

of the vagina . I'm

3:06

talking about slower and more gentle

3:09

motions . You

3:11

would definitely need good arousal and

3:13

warm up time . Lube is your friend

3:15

here again . A dry

3:18

vagina of dry vulva

3:20

is not pleasurable

3:22

for touch the

3:25

perineum , that tissue between the vagina

3:27

and the rectum is very sensitive and it

3:29

will want lubrication . So be sure

3:31

and use your uber lube here to

3:34

decrease that friction , but

3:36

not sensation . Okay

3:39

, this technique may bring

3:41

you to orgasm on its own , or it's great

3:43

, along with other activities and

3:45

stimulation . So again

3:47

, gentle , shallow thrusts

3:50

or like a curling

3:52

motion that's repeated over and

3:54

over . Omg , yes , described

3:56

it as quick , repeated fluttering

3:58

or knocking at the door . Maybe

4:01

those are words or language that might be helpful

4:03

for you as you describe it to a partner

4:05

. The second one is perine

4:08

. 70% of women

4:10

report that they use perine . This

4:13

is basically including stimulation

4:15

to the clitoris along

4:17

with penetration at the same time

4:20

, either by the woman or by

4:22

her partner . Remember super

4:25

important only 18%

4:27

of women have orgasms with

4:30

penetration alone . That's

4:33

a small percent . The big

4:35

majority of women need

4:37

and desire stimulation

4:40

to the clitoris alongside

4:42

penetration if they want to orgasm

4:45

with penetration . So

4:47

perine is just the word to

4:49

use for this

4:51

technique , and you can learn

4:53

more about why this is so important and

4:55

why the clitoris is the key to women's

4:58

pleasure in episode one of

5:01

the podcast or over on the blog

5:03

. I will link you to the clitoral network

5:05

blog in the show notes

5:08

so you can

5:10

reach down and stimulate that glands

5:12

clitoris that you can see and feel on the outside

5:14

with your finger or a toy during

5:17

penetration . Again , lube is your

5:19

friend here . Keep your uber lube

5:21

handy . Rubbing and friction

5:23

on that area if it's dry is not

5:26

pleasurable . Choose positions

5:28

that allow for this kind of reach

5:30

to the clitoris and

5:32

have a conversation about it . If you're having

5:34

partnered sex , you could place your own

5:36

hand there . You could place your partner's

5:39

hand there . You could guide your partner's

5:41

hand there . You could place , show

5:43

and tell . Use a position where

5:45

you can use your own fingers or a toy

5:47

and they can see how you

5:49

like it and what

5:51

stimulation you enjoy there and

5:53

what works for you . Several

5:56

good companies have small

5:58

vibes that either fit on your finger

6:00

, like Dame has a finger vibe

6:02

, or Mod has a small drop vibe that's

6:05

right in the palm of your hand . These

6:07

kind of tools can be really helpful in

6:10

the pairing technique . The

6:13

third thing is rocking

6:15

. 76% of women

6:17

say that they use rocking

6:19

with penetration . This

6:22

means basically the

6:24

penetration stays inside rather

6:26

than thrusting , stays

6:29

in the vagina all

6:31

the way in , so that the clitoris is in constant

6:33

contact without being interrupted

6:36

, so the stimulation is not interrupted

6:38

. You could do this a

6:40

couple of different ways , perhaps wrapping

6:42

your legs around your partner . Or

6:45

you could wrap your legs around to help

6:47

remind them not to thrust , or

6:50

also allow you more

6:53

ability to kind of grind and rock

6:55

and use motions that you're comfortable

6:57

doing , or they bring the best sensations

6:59

to you . Whether you're on the top or on the bottom

7:02

Doesn't matter . The

7:04

last one is angling

7:07

. 88% of women report

7:09

using angling . This

7:11

is rotating or raising

7:14

or lowering the hips to adjust

7:16

where the penis or the toy

7:18

rubs . Now you

7:20

need to remember that every single

7:22

woman is different , meaning

7:24

the distance between her

7:27

glands , clitoris that you can see or feel

7:29

on the outside , the part of the clitoris , and

7:32

the vagina entrance

7:34

, the vaginal opening , varies

7:36

from woman to woman . So what

7:39

works for one woman may not work for another

7:41

, and so forth . But you're thinking

7:43

about what angle does

7:45

the penetration give

7:47

you the best sensations , the most pleasurable

7:50

sensations ? You might want to consider

7:52

using a pillow under

7:54

your buttocks . If you're on your back

7:56

, you could experiment here too

7:59

, with height and firmness . You

8:01

can try rounding your back to tuck

8:03

your pelvis , maybe putting

8:05

one leg up . See how these different

8:08

positions would give you a different angle

8:10

. You know your partner could tilt too

8:13

, as long as the position

8:15

allows for that constant great

8:18

touching of your clitoris , ok

8:20

, or the areas inside the vaginal

8:23

wall at which angle feel the best

8:25

to you . So these

8:27

four techniques identified

8:30

by OMG yes , can

8:32

really help you talk out

8:34

loud about the things you want to try

8:36

or the positions you want to use , because

8:39

, as always , friends , communication

8:41

is absolutely key

8:43

. Let's talk a little bit

8:46

now about faking orgasms

8:48

and how this can

8:50

possibly be decreasing your pleasure

8:52

. You know , women fake

8:54

orgasm for many reasons

8:56

and , frankly , I'm not here to judge

8:59

or make anyone feel badly because they fake

9:01

now and again or they have faked in the past

9:03

. But what I am here

9:05

to tell you is that your pleasure

9:08

matters . So

9:10

what's the truth about faking

9:12

? How often , how

9:15

much are women really doing that ? Well

9:18

, in a national study done at the

9:20

Kinsey Institute a few years ago , 60%

9:23

of women will say that on numerous

9:25

occasions they faked . And

9:28

in this study that the Kinsey Institute

9:30

did , what do you think is

9:33

the number one reported reason

9:35

that women fake ? You're

9:38

right , it's to please a partner

9:41

. Wow , this is such a common

9:43

theme that I hear from women

9:46

. But , friends , when we

9:48

fake orgasm . What

9:50

happens is our partner downloads

9:53

information to their brain about

9:55

what we find pleasurable which

9:58

, in fact , is not working for

10:00

us to reach orgasm . So

10:02

in the end , we are limiting

10:05

our own pleasure . Another

10:07

big factor with faking orgasm

10:09

is that we're directing

10:12

our focus on performing

10:15

instead of enjoying , and

10:17

for sure , performance-based

10:19

sex is going to decrease your pleasure

10:22

. This is something worth exploring

10:24

. There are a lot of reasons

10:26

women fake , but , as the research showed

10:29

, it often comes down to

10:31

expectation

10:33

or pressure from

10:36

a partner or from ourselves

10:38

to please a partner . So

10:40

let's talk a little bit about

10:42

this expectation and

10:45

or pressure that is there

10:47

, and I want to offer some healthy

10:49

questions to ask yourself around

10:51

this topic . Is

10:53

this coming from yourself

10:55

, this pressure or expectation

10:58

, or from your partner , or

11:00

both ? Is

11:03

it around your own concern that your

11:05

partner feels successful , or

11:07

you don't want them to feel badly

11:09

? Is

11:11

it because you're tired and you want sex to be

11:13

done and over ? Is

11:16

it due to the fact that you feel like you're

11:18

quote taking too long

11:20

to get there ? Is

11:22

it you or your partner's expectation that

11:25

you orgasm every time ? And

11:28

lastly , is there an expectation or

11:30

pressure to orgasm ? Within

11:32

our course alone , which

11:34

we just talked about is

11:37

a very small percentage of women . I

11:41

encourage you to spend some time

11:43

thinking about these questions and

11:46

your answers if you are in the

11:48

habit of faking orgasm and

11:51

I want to offer some ideas

11:54

to start an honest

11:56

conversation with

11:58

a partner . So

12:01

if you are with a newer partner , it

12:03

could sound like this

12:05

Touch me right here

12:08

, even be more specific

12:10

. Take your partner's hand and guide

12:12

it to where you want to be touched . We

12:14

just talked about this again

12:17

with the pairing technique . It

12:20

could also sound like could

12:22

we do fill in

12:24

the blank ? If you know

12:26

what you want , get specific

12:28

and ask for it , or

12:31

demonstrate it . Perhaps

12:34

you could say I'm really enjoying myself

12:36

, but I'm not going to orgasm . This

12:39

communicates your pleasure as

12:41

well as taking off the pressure of

12:44

orgasm , because orgasm

12:47

does not have to happen every

12:49

sexual encounter for the encounter

12:51

to be pleasurable . If

12:54

you're with a longtime partner , obviously

12:57

this may look a little more complicated

13:00

. But coming clean or

13:02

talking honestly about it is

13:05

up to you whether you

13:07

want to just move forward

13:09

, handling this a different way , or if

13:12

you want to open the conversation , because

13:15

if you've been faking for a long time with a

13:17

longtime partner , it can feel really scary

13:19

and overwhelming , and I understand that

13:21

, but certainly this is

13:24

a conversation that , while requiring

13:26

care , can be

13:28

done . As you approach a

13:30

partner with

13:33

honesty and the why

13:35

, I mean , they

13:37

may be really surprised , especially

13:40

if you've been really good at faking it and they've

13:42

been really good at believing it , and

13:44

they'll have some emotion about it , and

13:46

it's okay for them to have

13:48

some emotion about it . But

13:51

take some time to really consider the reasons

13:53

why you've been faking and

13:56

how and if you can and will

13:59

to communicate some of this to your partner

14:01

. I want to give you just a couple ideas if you choose

14:04

to start a conversation

14:07

with a longtime partner . It

14:10

could sound like I'm understanding more

14:14

and more about myself sexually

14:16

and I would really like to have an honest conversation about

14:20

it with you what I'm learning

14:22

about myself . Or

14:24

I've learned some new things about my

14:28

body and how I orgasm

14:30

and I'd really like to share that

14:32

with you . Or , if that's a little bit too

14:35

intimidating , say , hey , I was listening to

14:38

this nurse talk on her podcast about

14:40

female orgasm

14:43

and I want to talk about what I

14:45

learned with you . Lastly , maybe

14:48

I'm changing in how I view our

14:52

sex life . I found that I don't

14:54

need to orgasm every time , for it to be pleasurable . Starting

14:59

these kinds of conversations around pleasure

15:01

and orgasm , and certainly using I statements , will help your

15:04

partner receive the information with

15:06

less defensive

15:10

feelings and also

15:13

help you to offer the information . Oh

15:15

, wow , we have several good episodes about communication with partners with Megan Casten

15:17

. I'm going to link those in the show note

15:24

that just dawned on me and I

15:26

have a blog about talking to a partner about

15:28

sex , with some basic strategies and

15:30

conversation starters , and I'll link that

15:33

as well . If this conversation

15:35

feels too overwhelming to you on

15:38

your own , consider having a good therapist

15:40

or counselor navigate the conversation

15:42

, or sex therapists are well trained

15:44

for these kinds of conversations and

15:46

helping you and assisting you to work

15:49

through it . But first

15:51

always open the conversation

15:53

with yourself , coming

15:56

to a better understanding about your

15:58

own relationship with sex , orgasm

16:01

and pleasure , before

16:03

you move into conversation with your partner

16:05

. I'm cheering you on

16:07

. Thanks so much for

16:09

listening today and if you found

16:11

this information useful , please

16:13

share this episode with someone and

16:16

friends . If you want to support my work here

16:18

in the podcast , please press

16:20

the follow button on your listening

16:22

platform and rate the

16:24

show if you listen on Apple or

16:26

Spotify . I have

16:28

three daughters and all their friends growing

16:30

up in and out of my home called me Mama

16:32

Shark , so I'm going to have a little

16:34

fun with that and also

16:37

hope to have you help me know you're out

16:39

there listening . If you do write

16:41

a review on Apple after this

16:43

episode and use the word

16:45

Mama Shark or say Mama Shark

16:47

sent me , I will read your

16:49

review in a future episode to thank

16:52

you . Here's a recent example

16:54

. I want you to see how just two

16:56

sentences can help this podcast

16:58

grow in a review . I'm

17:00

grateful that Cindy brings a wide range

17:02

of people and topics to this podcast

17:04

. What a gift to

17:06

empower people with knowledge about sexuality

17:09

, health and pleasure . That's

17:11

all it takes . Thanks for you

17:13

. Whoever wrote that one in on Apple

17:16

Cheers to giving ourselves

17:18

more permission for pleasure .