0:04

I will come back to the Personality Hacker podcast. My

0:06

name is Joel Mark Witt. And I'm Antonia Dodge.

0:08

This week, we are continuing our

0:10

series, going through all 16 types

0:13

in the Myers-Briggs system, talking

0:16

about how they can love themselves, self-love for

0:18

all types. We finally have come to the

0:21

most impressive and incredible type of all, the

0:24

ENFP personality. That's right. We finally made it.

0:27

I know in the ENTJ podcast, we made a comment

0:29

that, you know, we might go long on this. And

0:31

the ENTJs are like, no, we love it. We

0:33

love when you go long. We got all those comments, like,

0:36

I don't think anyone criticizes you for going long. So

0:39

if you're an ENFP, just be on alert.

0:41

No one ever, you'll be the first to

0:44

criticize. You look at the timestamp, whatever

0:47

it will be, probably over an hour, because we're going to

0:49

really get into this. You're like, what? I

0:51

can't watch or listen to something over a minute.

0:54

I'm an ENFP. What do you expect from

0:56

me, people? Do you expect me to possibly

0:58

watch something that's more than a

1:00

60 second reel? I almost thought of at

1:03

the beginning of this episode, just having like the list of

1:05

all the data that they want, I guess, I don't know,

1:07

ENFPs, and just like read off the list and be like,

1:09

if you want to understand anything I just said, listen

1:12

to the full show. But there you go. There's

1:14

the cliff notes. Yeah. I don't think we're going

1:16

to, no concessions. No concessions for ENFPs? No concessions

1:18

for the impatient EPs. But we're

1:21

special snowflakes. We expect things

1:24

to be customized to us. I identify with this.

1:27

That's true. Well, and you're playing

1:29

that smart reverse psychology game because

1:31

now every ENFP is going to be like, no, they're not.

1:35

I'm okay with it. It doesn't work on

1:37

us. And that's the thing about ENFPs is that they have

1:39

a bit of a contrary in nature. It's

1:41

like whatever you accuse them of, they're immediately the

1:43

opposite. Okay. No,

1:45

we're not. No, we're not, I told you. All right.

1:47

Well, let's laser track. So here's what's going on. Yes. Let's not pick

1:49

on ENFPs too much. Well, I feel like I have permission. You have

1:52

permission. I don't. Yes, but that's okay. So, so. ENFP,

2:00

listening right now, this is going to be a great

2:02

episode to listen and tune into. We're going to talk

2:04

about how you can find more

2:07

self-love through the lens of your personality

2:09

type. And we're also going to mention

2:11

some key things at the end of the episode that any

2:13

of the other 15 types that aren't like us, ENFPs, are

2:16

also going to be taking away or they could take

2:18

away some learning about self-love. So

2:20

we've been doing this every episode and we find

2:22

the avenue or access point for other types to

2:25

discover how they can find the same principles learning

2:28

about ENFP. So if you're an ENFP today, this is going

2:30

to be a fantastic show. We're going to really unpack the

2:32

ENFP personality type in the framework of self-love. If you're

2:35

not an ENFP, you're going to learn a lot about them

2:37

because we're going to go through the car model from

2:40

our owner's manual program. So

2:43

we've created an owner's manual for all the 16

2:45

types and inside of that owner's manual, we've created

2:47

a framework to understand what are

2:49

technically called cognitive functions. These are the mental processes

2:51

we use. That's what ENFP points to. It points

2:53

to the mental processes that you

2:55

use as an ENFP or any type uses in

2:57

their function. Function

3:00

stack is what's technically called. Should we pause that and

3:02

lay some tracks first to be consistent with the other

3:04

episodes? Yes, then I was going to do

3:06

that in a second. I wasn't going to do the car model. I

3:08

was going to say that's the framework we're using. So if you have

3:10

the owner's manual for ENFP, you probably want to get that out to

3:12

follow along. While we do a bunch of other

3:14

talking, you can go scramble around your room or find where that is

3:16

or download it off your computer. I

3:19

recommend having that in front of you. But yes, we should lay

3:21

some tracks. Why don't you do that? Give us some tracks delay.

3:23

Great. I'm actually because I

3:25

know that you like consistency between episodes. I

3:27

do. That's why these go long

3:30

is because I'm trying to make sure that I

3:32

hit all the beats for every episode. It's a

3:34

very ENFP trait, consistency and congruency through all the

3:36

episodes of 16. Well, we will be

3:38

talking about that in a moment, that trait. But

3:41

there's a couple things we want to... I'm kind of kidding.

3:43

It's not always a stereotype. No. It

3:45

is not the stereotype and yet we will be discussing

3:47

consistency. There's

3:50

a couple of premises

3:53

that have followed from episode to episode

3:55

in this series. The first

3:57

one is that we are... So,

4:01

we are coming from the assumption

4:03

or premise that all

4:05

of us are trying to show ourselves love all the time.

4:09

It's

4:11

not a matter of figuring out ways to

4:13

trick your mind or to give affirmations

4:15

to try to love oneself. We love

4:18

ourselves. We can't help it. So,

4:20

all of us are trying to show ourselves

4:22

love. The challenge is

4:24

are we receiving love from ourselves?

4:27

When we can't receive the love we're trying to give

4:30

to ourselves, it's usually because we have a bunch of

4:32

obstructions in the way. We have

4:34

beliefs or we have complicated

4:36

feelings about our value and worth. There

4:42

are a lot of different reasons why we don't just

4:44

immediately receive the love we're trying to give. One

4:48

of the premises of this series is

4:51

showing ourselves love isn't a matter of

4:53

the giving. It's a matter of removing

4:55

the obstructions to receiving. That's

4:57

what we'll talk about in this episode. One

5:00

of those major obstructions or some of those

5:02

major obstructions have to do with the expectations

5:04

we're setting for ourselves. If

5:06

we're not setting the right, proper,

5:09

appropriate expectations, then those create obstructions

5:11

to receiving the love we're trying

5:14

to show for ourselves. This will

5:16

be really a matter

5:18

of going through the car model as you hinted

5:20

at and talking about what the

5:22

most reasonable expectations to set are.

5:25

Finally, a premise that

5:27

we're going on in this series as well is

5:30

that love isn't earned.

5:32

We can't earn love, but

5:35

a good relationship is. We

5:37

see this in relationships between

5:39

people. You don't

5:41

earn my love. I feel love for you.

5:44

I just do. If our relationship were to

5:46

end, I probably would continue to feel love for

5:48

you. You're

5:51

not earning my love in this relationship, but

5:53

a good relationship

5:55

itself, the dynamic, showing each other respect

5:58

and consideration, showing each other love. a

6:01

willingness to meet halfway, the

6:04

way we show up for each other. All

6:06

of that that pours into a

6:08

good relationship, that is earned. So

6:10

it's the same with ourselves. We

6:12

are not earning love by setting

6:14

good expectations, but we are earning

6:16

a good relationship with ourselves. We're

6:18

earning that through making sure that

6:20

our self-talk is good

6:22

and that

6:25

while we're setting reasonable expectations, we are

6:28

doing the hard work of having a

6:30

good, solid relationship to self. Yeah. I

6:33

think one of the tangible ways this shows up for people

6:35

is usually it may not be

6:37

articulated this way to yourself, but it's a sense or it's

6:39

a lived feeling you have of, you know,

6:41

I'm gonna give myself love when I fill in

6:44

the blank. Overcome this challenge, fix

6:46

this trauma, achieve this

6:48

goal, have this outcome, become this person.

6:50

You know, each person I type does a little

6:52

differently, but kind of holding it out as

6:55

a carrot for motivation or

6:57

for getting into action or for doing

6:59

the right thing or whatever, however you as

7:01

a person might say this to yourself. You

7:04

may not even couch in that language, but it's like

7:06

you withhold the love until something else happens. Just

7:09

like if you were to put conditions on

7:11

love in a relationship, we do this to

7:13

ourselves. And from my perspective, very toxic to

7:16

do that to yourself and it's removing the

7:18

love that you can naturally just send back

7:20

and forth. Well, and I think ENFPs do

7:22

this to themselves all the time. They might

7:25

be even more egregious than other types because

7:27

they think they can handle it. Brow beat

7:29

yourself into action by withholding reward, emotional reward

7:32

until an outcome is achieved. And I think you're

7:34

right, ENFPs and there's a few other

7:37

types too, but particularly I think this strikes ENFPs

7:40

a lot in that. Okay, I'm

7:42

gonna go back to that car model then. Yeah. I'm gonna

7:44

do a quick summary. I have a little frog

7:47

in my throat so I'm gonna do my best. I'm

7:49

drinking tea, but for some reason I'm like something's in my

7:51

throat, but we'll keep working on this with

7:53

some tea. But let me go over the car model. I

7:55

think that's really gonna be important. So if you have the

7:58

personality hacker owner's manual for your personality type ENFPs, Inside

8:00

it is a car model and it's just a quick analogy

8:03

that we use to showcase where

8:06

the cognitive functions for

8:08

you as an ENFP. And all types have their

8:10

own car model, but for using ENFP, I'm going

8:12

to just walk through them. I'm going to oversimplify

8:14

and overgeneralize for the sake of moving quickly into

8:16

the content today. So there's way

8:18

more to all of this than

8:21

I'm going to talk about, but I'm just going

8:23

to broad brush it really quick. Yeah, cognitive functions

8:25

being the mental wiring that really

8:27

is what diagnoses a person's type. Yeah,

8:30

so the four letters ENFP point to the

8:33

mental processes that we use to learn and

8:36

take in information to perceive our world. And

8:39

then the mental processes we use to judge

8:41

or determine the value of that information and

8:43

what we're going to do about it. So

8:46

for ENFP, just imagine your mind is a

8:48

four-passenger car. You have a driver up

8:51

front driving, a copilot sitting next to the driver in

8:53

the front in the back seat. Behind

8:55

the copilot is a 10-year-old and

8:58

behind the driver is a 3-year-old. So just imagine this

9:00

kind of little family driving. This is your mind driving

9:02

through life, going through life. Your

9:04

driver's in ENFP is a mental process

9:06

we've nicknamed exploration. And

9:09

its technical name is extroverted intuition.

9:11

It's about external pattern recognition in

9:13

real time. It

9:16

does a lot of things, but in

9:18

general, it takes seemingly disparate ideas or

9:21

even abstractions and puts them together and

9:23

see what new possibilities emerge. It

9:26

is very quick and it's patterning

9:28

very fast on very little information,

9:31

and it likes to disrupt the status

9:33

quo and kind of keep at what

9:36

it's seeing and see what the meaning behind what

9:38

it's seeing or the connection point behind what it's

9:40

seeing is actually emerging from the

9:42

data or the content that it's looking at

9:45

or it's perceiving or it's experiencing. But

9:47

that sounds very abstract because it's a very abstract process,

9:49

so it's not very grounded in reality. It's a very

9:53

Imaginative part of the ENFP, and this is what drives

9:55

you. This is really where you show up to the

9:57

world almost like a hero in your life. The

10:00

pilot right next to that is a mental process. We've

10:03

nicknamed authenticity. The. Second goal name

10:05

is introverted ceiling. And this

10:07

is about what resonates with you at a core

10:09

level. What your core values are what motivates you.

10:12

What? You desire and what you

10:14

want and health thing strike you in a

10:17

very personal way. How you feel about them

10:19

Very personal. It's very interested in the in

10:21

the person the the singular person that is

10:23

you and others singular people. And

10:25

their personal experience in what it means to be them

10:27

is very focused on this. And

10:29

that is how you did the driver in the

10:31

Copa Xena piece. How humans to the on the

10:34

best way possible. These are your two superpowers to

10:36

build a see the patterns that are emerging around

10:38

you and then be able to judge and determine

10:40

the quality of all that based on what strikes

10:42

and how to make you feel and the motivations

10:44

it strikes in you. Have your

10:46

friends misplaced? You're probably a fairly healthy enough p

10:48

And there's there's exercises and things you can do

10:50

to strengthen these parts. We talk about the owner's

10:52

manual. There's. All sorts of things you can

10:54

do to strengthen this part of you and the fact that

10:56

Copilot is a an avenue for an. Immense amount

10:58

of growth and a ton of work can be done.

11:00

Their. The good news? that's

11:03

great breaks, but the for passenger cars?

11:05

a little bit of challenging news for

11:07

all percent types, but we're enough peas

11:09

in particular, sitting directly bus behind. The

11:12

copilot. Sits. A. Mental.

11:14

Process that we call about ten years old in it's

11:16

certainty and kind of the way it sees the world.

11:19

It's technical name is extroverted thinking. We've

11:21

nickname this affective miss. This is the

11:23

part of an enough p The wants

11:25

to see results, manage resource, create the

11:27

to do list and get it done.

11:30

See an impact in the world in the external

11:33

world? Maybe it's project management with leadership. It's the

11:35

part of you that really wants to. Create.

11:37

Something in Korean impact and an external way.

11:40

using. Sequence and Structure and

11:42

resource. And. Again, it does. All

11:44

of you do way more than I'm saying and as broad brushing these

11:46

but that's a really important part for enough be it shows up a

11:49

lot and it. He. Wants to itself It

11:51

it has a lot approving energy. A really wants

11:53

to. Get approval that it's doing a

11:55

good job and it's just like a ten year

11:57

old. It has some competence uncertainty sometimes but other

11:59

times it's and. Certain and as a little

12:01

bit of challenge you know and struggle making

12:03

things happen potentially or maybe bites off too

12:05

much deserved some quality of think that enough

12:07

he's resonate with. And. And sitting

12:10

bull behind the driver is a mental process we

12:12

put around three years old. This

12:14

part of you is nicknamed. Memory Doesn't necessarily

12:16

mean you have a good for it doesn't

12:18

necessarily tied to memory. Meaning of a bad

12:20

memory or good memory or anything like that.

12:23

It's. Technically as introverted sensing and why we call

12:25

it memory as it's looking back at the past

12:28

and the President and everything that's happened up into

12:30

this point. And it's seeing

12:32

all the micro and large and small changes

12:34

that have happened to make this moment be

12:36

the moment that were living. It's with looking

12:39

at all the etymology. All. The

12:41

the tracking of things that have happened and all

12:43

the time line that is up to this present

12:45

moment both for you as a person, But.

12:47

Also for things like society and structures

12:50

in institutions and all this. And

12:52

that has about the certainty level for you. Isn't

12:54

enough p Around three years or. So.

12:56

Again, I just went through that very quickly.

12:58

Are we have an entire program dedicated just

13:01

to going through that for your personally type

13:03

that goes way deeper into all of those

13:05

and who the. Work. In harmony

13:07

to bring you a really good life and how you

13:09

can use that as a navigational tools for your life.

13:12

But. For the sake of this or this conversation, I think

13:14

that's enough for us to get started because we're gonna walk

13:16

through now. Each. Of those for positions were

13:18

to talk with as if it expectations you talked

13:20

about to tell you what's the proper expectation you

13:22

can have your driver vs maybe your three year

13:24

old. I. Think they're different. As a

13:26

we've been positive every single person were into that

13:28

years. again today to talk about the proper extra

13:30

teachers are to give you an avenue for self.

13:32

love you too. High expectations were it shouldn't be

13:34

there. You. To demoralize and. Obstruct.

13:37

Your ability for self love and he of too low expectations

13:39

were should have a higher. You're also going

13:41

to feel less that you know How I could do more. I'm

13:43

more capacity here. So it's really important we

13:46

look at these and they're not all the same. Rate.

13:48

The of different functions for you isn't enough.

13:50

p And so it's really important we have

13:52

the proper expectations in our lives in our

13:54

personality net. Me got It's so the first.

13:57

functions you mentioned exploration and

13:59

authenticity or extroverted intuition and

14:01

introverted feeling, those

14:03

two functions are functions

14:06

we feel a high degree of certainty about.

14:08

We feel certain in them. The driver and

14:10

the co-pilot. That's right. When we are using

14:13

these functions, and we know that we feel

14:15

certain in them, for whatever personality

14:18

type we are, our driver and the co-pilot, we feel a

14:20

high degree of certainty because it's really hard to insult

14:24

us in these functions. If

14:26

somebody tries to, we can

14:28

take it as a personal rejection, like they're rejecting

14:30

us as an individual, but we

14:32

don't really take what they have to say if they're

14:35

insulting that part of our – like we're not

14:37

good at that. We don't usually absorb

14:39

that. We don't go, oh, they might be right. We

14:42

go, okay, that's whatever you're talking about. We

14:44

have a high degree of certainty in those first two

14:47

functions. The third and fourth

14:49

function, the 10-year-old and three-year-old are tertiary and

14:51

inferior, what they're technically called. We

14:53

have a sense of uncertainty in those

14:56

functions. Uncertainty is like

14:58

– it's like poison to

15:00

humans. Humans hate the feeling of

15:02

uncertainty. That means

15:04

that our relationship to those functions are

15:06

going to be tinted with that feeling

15:09

of uncertainty. We'll talk

15:11

about how that should be also

15:14

informing the expectations that we

15:16

have. Let's start with the first

15:18

function. Let's start with the driver or what's

15:21

called extroverted intuition or exploration.

15:25

Our recommendation is in order to

15:27

remove an obstruction to feeling self-love,

15:30

have a high expectation for yourself

15:32

in this function. As

15:35

you mentioned, Joel, if we

15:37

don't have high enough expectations in

15:39

the things that we are naturally talented in and

15:41

the things that we have a tendency to build skill

15:43

in, the reason

15:45

why that creates an obstruction to self-love is because

15:47

we experience a disappointment in ourselves. We know

15:50

we can be doing better. That's what you

15:52

just said. It's

15:54

important in our greatest strengths and talents

15:56

to have a high expectation of ourselves

15:58

so that we're not disappointed. in our

16:00

performance, not thinking, I wish

16:04

I was doing better. I wish I was more

16:06

on purpose. I wish I was bringing my gifts

16:08

to the world. When we have

16:10

high expectations in these functions, it means

16:12

that we are adding skill development to

16:14

talent, and now we're manifesting the

16:17

best of ourselves. So what

16:20

does it look like to have high expectations

16:22

in extroverted intuition or exploration for any NFP?

16:26

Well, the first thing is seeing beyond

16:28

the initial aha of a pattern

16:32

and diving deeper into it, really

16:34

studying it. There's a

16:36

phrase that has become pretty

16:38

popular, or at least it was 10 years

16:42

ago when I first heard it, which is, don't believe everything

16:44

you think. I've

16:46

been thinking about this phrase a lot because as

16:49

somebody – I have ENTP preferences, so I

16:51

use a function called introverted thinking or accuracy.

16:54

And not believing everything I think is such a game

16:56

changer for me. It's when I

16:58

think something, when I believe I've

17:00

come to a conclusion, but it's like the first time I've

17:02

really thought about it, I

17:04

haven't come to a conclusion. And

17:07

if I immediately attach to the first thing

17:09

I thought, the first opinion I came to,

17:12

now I don't – I haven't really processed that

17:14

thought. I haven't really figured out

17:16

how I really think about it and brought

17:19

in other material and done

17:21

the math around it. And so I've cut

17:23

myself off at the beginning. I've created a

17:25

conclusion from what is actually a starting point. And

17:29

that's the same – I would say that

17:31

same principle applies to patterning for

17:33

extroverted intuition or exploration. The

17:36

patterns come quickly. They come really fast.

17:39

But don't believe every pattern that

17:41

you think, right? Don't believe that

17:43

first initial. We

17:46

can use our gut instincts. We can definitely have

17:48

a high degree of certainty in them. But

17:51

having a high expectation for this function doesn't

17:53

mean that we just allow ahas to strike

17:55

us. It means that we study those ahas.

17:57

We take a moment to think about it.

18:00

take a moment to dive a little deeper

18:02

and understand maybe the systems that

18:04

live underneath that or the whys of

18:06

it or the how of it. Like

18:08

we go deeper in inquiry around our

18:10

insights. And so in that way, we

18:13

build muscles to have higher quality insights

18:15

in the future. Our ahas become better

18:17

quality when we do more inquiry around

18:19

them as opposed to just going…

18:22

I mean we make a joke that for

18:24

extroverted intuition or exploration, one's a pattern, right?

18:27

One is three is a pattern, but for this intuition, it's

18:29

like one's a pattern. The first time you see something, you

18:31

form a pattern on it. Well, that's

18:33

not… That's a high quality patterning. And

18:36

yet because it is such a high degree of

18:38

certainty for us, we'll believe the first pattern.

18:41

So having high expectations means

18:44

that we don't just believe

18:46

our patterning from the first…

18:48

You know, that first initial insight that we go a little

18:50

further. We figure out why it was a pattern for us. We

18:53

see sort of the guts of it. And

18:56

then that way, we're building more skill because we

18:59

then understand why

19:01

that pattern holds water, why there's

19:03

some legs underneath the pattern. If you're

19:05

a good communicator

19:07

as an ENFP and

19:10

you have a persuasive nature, this

19:12

can be very insidious because you probably are one

19:14

of the few people in your world doing this,

19:18

patterning that quickly. And if you're

19:20

a good communicator and you can spot what's going

19:22

on and you get rewarded for that, the speed

19:24

of it and the quick patterning, especially if like

19:26

your job rewards it, your scholastic

19:29

or education system that you're in rewards

19:31

it or your family or your partnership,

19:33

whatever system you're in rewards that speed

19:35

of quick patterning and then giving the

19:37

result to somebody. Like thanks so much. That

19:40

was really helpful. You're like, oh, that's the value I give.

19:42

There's not a lot of pressure on you to maybe grow

19:44

deeper or go deeper with it. So it's

19:46

insidious if you're getting rewarded for it and often

19:48

ENFPs are. I think most ENFPs,

19:52

you get rewarded for it in a very utility way.

19:54

I mean, there's pain and it

19:56

gets rejected in other ways, but

19:58

often you are. in a

20:00

context usually where you can show up with this

20:02

even just in the world in large. And yeah,

20:05

I think there's a deeper version of it. There's a little

20:07

bit more to it than just a hit.

20:09

That's what's going on and then moving on.

20:11

It's like drive-by intuition. Boom,

20:14

boom, boom. There's the intuition. It's going down

20:16

the road. No, stay with it. Park the

20:18

car. Get out. Be with your intuition

20:20

in that moment. Yeah, absolutely. Well,

20:22

and I

20:26

think ENFPs are usually pretty good

20:28

at impressing other people. That's

20:30

one of the nice things about having ENFP

20:32

preferences is that you're usually pretty good at

20:34

talking. You're usually pretty good at blowing people

20:36

away. You can get the job. Right,

20:39

exactly. Can you do the job? Yes.

20:41

That's an ENFP thing. That's right. That's

20:44

exactly it. And so not

20:46

just living off of the ability

20:48

to be impressive, not just living off of

20:51

your ability to pull rabbits out of hats

20:53

and have an 11th hour experience. You

20:55

actually, in some ways, you need to have enough

20:57

of those so that you can really rely on

21:01

your intuition. You can learn that you can rely

21:03

on it. And I think that when

21:05

extroverted intuition or exploration becomes its

21:09

highest order, the

21:11

highest order version of it, I think

21:13

it can channel almost like you're

21:15

downloading patterns from the universe and you don't

21:17

even know where they came from. And you're

21:19

doing that as you're talking in real time.

21:22

I do believe that that's a possibility. And the only

21:24

way that an ENFP learns how to

21:27

channel is by putting themselves in situations where they've

21:29

had to rely on their intuition in real time

21:31

and watch themselves do it. But

21:34

you don't get there through

21:37

just making assumptions early on. You don't

21:39

get there through just kind of like

21:41

being able to BS your way through

21:43

something, right, to be able to be

21:45

impressive. You get there by understanding the

21:47

mechanisms that you're using to make those patterns

21:49

or like really kind of diving

21:51

further into it. So I think

21:53

the first thing that people with

21:55

ENFP preferences need to do is

21:57

set higher expectations for their driving.

22:00

the driver function. They need to get

22:02

better at using this. They need to build skill on

22:04

top of talent. I think the other element

22:06

of this, that's the one ENFP that can

22:09

quickly pattern impress. I think there's another version

22:11

of ENFP that's a little more reserved. And

22:14

they – this ENFP

22:16

is less likely to play in their intuition

22:19

or put it on the footing they need.

22:22

They have a lot of parameters around it. For

22:24

example, being imaginative in

22:26

the real world or exploratory

22:28

in the real world, well, that's

22:30

insecure because, well, is that going to be accepted

22:33

or are people going to be judging

22:35

me for that? I think some ENFPs struggle with

22:37

being able to let it loose, let

22:39

the weirdness come out. I don't want to be too

22:41

weird. I got to throttle this. Again, depending on your

22:44

context. You might have been trained this way. I

22:47

think if you had a parent or a context of education that was

22:49

like it kept tamping that down, we've met a lot of ENFPs in

22:51

the state. And you kind

22:53

of – you're not allowing the full expression

22:56

of this, the full weirdness expression of it.

22:59

And so a throttle and I think building skill is

23:01

to give yourself

23:03

opportunities to have those moments more. Have

23:06

the conversations you need to have. Have the exploratory

23:09

kind of weirdness come out a little bit

23:11

more. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you said if you're

23:13

an ENFP that's good at selling an idea,

23:15

not every ENFP is

23:17

always selling ideas though, but that capacity

23:20

is in there. So it's

23:23

giving yourself permission to get

23:26

excited about innovation. Like

23:28

you said, not throttle yourself because maybe it was stamped

23:31

down as you were growing up. Like you were –

23:33

like you mentioned, some ENFPs and ENTPs – I mean

23:35

I'm sympathizing with this right now because ENTPs experience this

23:37

too. It's like you're just

23:39

so obviously weird. You just can't

23:41

not be weird. That's – I would say

23:43

all of the types, ENP types are

23:46

the most obviously weird because

23:48

they can't – unlike the INJs

23:51

with introverted intuition or perspectives, it's like that's

23:53

a quieter version. And I think the ones

23:56

who are positive – punished

24:00

for weirdness just start to fly under

24:02

the radar. But your extroverted intuition

24:04

or exploration, it's like you can't shut it off. And

24:08

so one can get in a place

24:10

where they're trying to mitigate the damage of that. But

24:12

it's not a bug, it's a feature. And

24:15

so getting to a point where you go, no, like

24:17

innovation is the thing I do and selling

24:20

good ideas is the thing I do. That's

24:23

a part also of having

24:26

high expectations is being okay

24:28

when you're trying to sell an idea and people aren't

24:30

buying it, realizing that it's your job

24:32

just like it's your job to not believe your first aha

24:34

and go a little deeper. It's

24:36

your job to also make sure that

24:39

you're pairing ideas down to their best

24:41

ones and selling the best ones because

24:43

there's a reason why the world has

24:45

a throttle against every new idea. If

24:47

we implemented every new idea, things would

24:49

actually – it would create extraordinary problems.

24:52

And so that throttle in the world,

24:54

the thing that slows us down, the pushback we get

24:56

is actually in our best interest. It

24:58

forces us to make sure that the idea that

25:00

we're attempting to sell is one that we stand by.

25:03

And for an ENFP, they want to make sure that this

25:05

is a truly good idea when they're selling it to

25:08

another person. And in that

25:10

way, it also forces their intuition to become

25:12

higher caliber. There's one

25:14

more that I have in the top of my head and you might have

25:16

some more on your list about the capacity here. There's

25:19

also the ENFP, and this is me, so I'm

25:21

speaking from personal experience, that

25:23

walks into a room and assumes that

25:25

the world in that room was just

25:27

created the moment they stepped into it.

25:29

And then you can enter maybe talking or

25:31

kind of a dominant process

25:34

there, that extroverted intuition or exploration is very

25:36

dominant. And it's like, well, my idea clearly

25:38

is the best. And

25:40

maybe interrupting people, again, personal experience,

25:43

we're really working on it, not

25:46

letting other people kind of contribute. You're really too

25:48

driving the intuition or you're driving all the patterns

25:50

and it's got to be your way and you're

25:52

kind of – it's too one note.

25:54

And I think in my younger

25:56

days, I would say, well, I'm an ENFP, that's what

25:58

you expect. I have to say this

26:00

right now in Europe because the pattern is here. Well,

26:03

I've learned that I can grow skill and

26:05

capacity for slowing down a little bit and letting other

26:08

people's ideas come in and then using those as well

26:10

in the entire intuition of it all.

26:13

I think when I was younger, I was much more likely – and I

26:15

still struggle with it sometimes – cutting people

26:17

off, overriding, just bulldozing

26:19

with the intuition in the room and not letting –

26:22

because there's other people that have other ideas that will

26:24

add to it and make it better. That's

26:27

something that has to be developed in skill. And when you're so

26:29

fast with this process and it just drives everything

26:31

in your life, that's not always obvious to you

26:33

as an ENFP. You have to realize,

26:36

oh wait, if I can just slow

26:38

it down a little bit or interface or be

26:40

interoperable with it, it actually strengthens

26:42

it. It doesn't maybe have the speed it once

26:44

had, but man, it's still pretty

26:46

fast and it's really deep when it comes up

26:49

with insights and connections. So you can stretch it

26:51

and exercise it by weaving other people and

26:53

the interoperability into that process. Yeah, it's really

26:55

important to find people who will play in

26:58

that playground with you. I

27:00

think – And that's a high expectation I think to be

27:02

able to stretch there and incorporate others. Absolutely.

27:04

You're talking about almost like a solipsistic

27:06

perspective, right? The world is – I

27:09

invent the world as I walk through it. And

27:12

I think when there is a more dominant

27:14

energy to the ENFP and when they don't

27:16

have a lot of people around them that

27:18

can play in their sandbox, I

27:20

think that ends up happening. And

27:23

I think it is – I think

27:26

the higher expectation is, well, I have to find

27:28

the people who will challenge me. I have

27:31

to find people who can play in that sandbox

27:33

and help me refine my ideas for sure. I'm

27:35

going to throttle myself down to be able to

27:37

interoperability with them. That's a

27:39

difference. Be interoperable with them is

27:42

the frame. Exactly. Exactly. And so

27:45

whether you're somebody with extroverted

27:47

intuition or exploration as a driver that

27:50

has been overly throttling yourself or

27:53

one that has been almost bulldozing,

27:55

the higher expectation for both is to find

27:58

a center point where you are – bringing

28:00

yourself, your innovations, your

28:02

assertion around the higher

28:04

quality patterning that you're

28:06

doing. Because I find that the ones that throttle

28:08

themselves are usually doing more thinking around their patterning.

28:12

They were forced to have higher quality thinking, otherwise

28:15

it was rejected. But they're not asserting

28:17

themselves as much. Or maybe that's fast. And

28:20

then you've got the types that assert themselves maybe

28:22

too fast and they need to throttle it a

28:24

little bit. But there's a center point here, there's

28:26

a balance in the middle. And

28:28

so finding that balance for the function is

28:30

– I mean it's hard. It's really difficult.

28:33

There are so many rewards

28:35

that come along with being imbalanced

28:38

in this way. There's

28:40

a lot of things that – there's a reason why you

28:42

made the choice to be this way. And so

28:44

you're going to have to give up some of the benefits that

28:46

come with sort of being

28:48

a more throttled version that is trying to

28:51

do the fly-in to the radar, which is

28:53

very hard

28:55

to do but sometimes piece of temp it.

28:59

For the ENFP that is like, nope, it's a feature not a bug

29:01

and I'm going all in. There

29:03

are benefits that come with either one but they're

29:05

still in need to find a balance in a center point

29:08

in the middle. And that

29:10

higher order again, if you can find

29:12

that balance, there's a lot of

29:14

capacities waiting for you on the other side including like

29:16

what I said was channeling. Now what

29:18

is channeling? I don't know. I

29:20

just know that the function has the capacity to

29:22

almost in real time get downloads

29:24

from the universe as one is

29:26

talking. And I think public

29:29

speaking is a

29:32

fantastic way for an ENFP to learn

29:34

how to – to kind of trust

29:36

that the next word is going to

29:38

be available for them. So impromptu

29:41

public speaking or extemporaneous

29:43

public speaking and then

29:45

brainstorming sessions. Brainstorming sessions

29:47

are very, very, very important for people of

29:49

this type. And that helps them,

29:51

like you said, be more collaborative in

29:54

the intuition to understand that

29:57

other ideas are helping them build high-level. higher

30:00

quality ideas themselves. So

30:02

embracing innovation, but also embracing collaboration

30:04

at the same time. Any

30:06

other comments about the driver before we move on? I

30:10

think the last one is

30:12

this is a very adaptable function.

30:15

And so learning how to not just

30:17

be adaptable to

30:19

skirt problems or be

30:21

adaptable to, I

30:23

mean, for EMP types in

30:26

general, adaptability is oftentimes like they're get out of

30:28

jail free card for not doing the thing they

30:30

were supposed to be doing, right? So

30:32

it's not just skirting responsibility or

30:35

trying to get out of stuff that you don't wanna do. It's

30:37

actually an adaptability to ameliorate

30:41

situations, maybe unexpected

30:43

situations into opportunities,

30:46

turning them into opportunities

30:48

for growth in particular

30:50

or opportunities to

30:52

build greater skill. And

30:55

then also using this part

30:57

of you, because this is a very effervescent

30:59

function. I almost think of it as

31:02

being sort of carbonated, right? It's like, it's

31:04

possibilities thinking and what if, and

31:07

it's very optimistic. So maintaining that

31:09

sense of carbonation, that sense of

31:11

optimism. And that ends

31:13

up being very inspiring to other people. Like

31:15

you're a model of optimism. So that's

31:18

an expectation. An expectation is that you will

31:20

model optimism. Now that doesn't mean that you're

31:22

always going to be in a good mood,

31:24

nor should you believe that. And it doesn't

31:27

mean that it's your job to always be

31:29

optimistic in behalf of other people. It's

31:31

just the function itself does better when

31:34

it's optimistic. And so having that be

31:36

your set point, even though there are

31:38

times when you of course will dip down, not

31:40

feel as good, that's okay, right? Give yourself permission

31:42

to not constantly be on. But

31:45

also understand that if you're not feeling optimistic

31:47

and you've not been feeling optimistic for a long time,

31:50

that's probably something that needs to be attended

31:52

to in your intuition. Yeah. You

31:55

talked about balancing this function

31:58

of exploration. And... As

32:00

we move over to the co-pilot now of

32:03

authenticity, technically called introverted feeling, we're

32:06

gonna talk about it in a silo of

32:08

itself, but it will help you balance your

32:10

driver. These two things come in tandem, and

32:12

as a one-two punch, you

32:14

can operate your life very well by having

32:16

both of these working together. And

32:19

so as we talk about this in isolation, don't

32:21

forget that it's going to serve. As you develop

32:23

the co-pilot in particular, it's

32:25

gonna genuinely serve the driver

32:27

a lot, and it's gonna help temper it and give it

32:30

what it needs. It's gonna slow it down. It's gonna have

32:32

it be empathetic or sympathetic to walking

32:34

into a room, talking, interrupting,

32:36

or bulldozing, or throttling. You

32:39

can use the co-pilot a lot to help refine the

32:41

driver, is what I'm trying to say. So

32:44

as we tune to this, keep that in mind as an

32:46

ENFP. So in your car model, if you're following along from

32:48

the owner's manual, let's go to the co-pilot. Let's talk about

32:50

the expectations here. What are some proper expectations of the co-pilot

32:52

level? So this function is

32:54

also a function that has a high degree

32:56

of certainty attached to it. But,

32:59

and this is something I've mentioned in the

33:01

other episodes of the series, there

33:04

is a model that our friend

33:06

and coach, Dr. John Beebe, invented,

33:09

that talks about each of these positions

33:11

having a kind of energy that follows

33:13

it. And the driver function,

33:16

he calls it, it has a heroic

33:18

energy. So it's like, that

33:20

driver is the function that we always wanna

33:22

be solving all problems with. And

33:26

he says that the co-pilot or the auxiliary function, technically the auxiliary,

33:29

has a bit of a parental energy that comes

33:31

along with it. So unlike the

33:33

driver that feels certain and in

33:35

a heroic way, right, like I'm doing this for

33:37

me because I know that I'm great at this,

33:40

this is more of a certainty

33:43

when helping guide other people, when

33:45

helping be like in almost a

33:47

parental way. Now

33:49

parenting is, and we've

33:51

mentioned this in the other episodes, parenting is

33:53

a thankless job. And

33:56

it requires a lot of responsibility, a lot

33:58

of sense of... stepping

34:00

up and contributing even

34:02

if those that you're contributing

34:04

to will never thank you

34:06

or maybe they will at some point way down the

34:09

line when they're like way older and have their own

34:11

kids. Maybe then. But for the most

34:13

part parenting is not something that we do to get

34:16

the reward of feedback. We have

34:19

an intrinsic reward mechanism

34:21

in parenting. Like we feel if we've been

34:23

a good parent we feel good about ourselves

34:25

even if our kids don't recognize it. So

34:29

there's a that's

34:31

important to understand when recognizing

34:35

that this is a high degree

34:37

of certainty function and it

34:40

has a tendency to be used in behalf of

34:42

other people. So keep

34:45

that all in mind as we talk about

34:47

the high expectations because part of the expectation

34:49

for the function is contribution. Alright what we're

34:51

doing in behalf of other people. But

34:54

it's an introverted function weirdly enough. So

34:57

how do how does one use introverted

34:59

feeling or authenticity what's right for me.

35:02

How does one use that in behalf of other people

35:04

and in parenting. Well the first thing

35:06

is high expectations

35:08

means a high

35:10

degree of introspection. It means being very

35:13

in touch with how you are experiencing

35:15

things. How things are making you feel.

35:17

And it also means that in order

35:19

to swim in that world you're going

35:21

to have to get good at emotional

35:23

processing. You're gonna have to figure out

35:25

techniques and strategies to sit with your

35:28

emotions to allow them to do full

35:30

cycles of processing to get to

35:32

the other side to feel catharsis and relief

35:35

from your own emotional experience and to

35:37

be able to understand what that means

35:39

about you as a person. These things

35:41

that impact you in these emotional ways why

35:43

did they impact you that way. What does

35:45

it say about your values. What does it

35:47

say about your identity and who you are.

35:49

What does it say about your experience. What

35:51

does it say about your motivations and

35:54

intentions and desires and drive. All

35:56

of these things need to be very

35:59

like the end of. needs to be very in touch

36:01

with these things. And not in a

36:03

lip service way, not in a I know who I

36:05

am and that's the end of it way, but in

36:07

a maybe I don't know who I am as well

36:09

as I thought I did. And maybe

36:11

I need to do some real spelunking

36:13

inside. Not make the assumption, not have a degree

36:16

of certainty that I know who I am and what I

36:18

stand for. But just like

36:20

with the intuition, don't believe everything

36:22

you're patterning. Don't always

36:24

assume you know what you're feeling.

36:26

Don't believe every feeling. Really

36:29

understand it. Really get into the guts of

36:31

it and see

36:33

it from all, like really, truly

36:36

experience that sense of relief and catharsis that

36:38

comes on the other side of true emotional

36:40

processing. I think this will metricize

36:43

or show up for you as an ENFP

36:46

by you admitting your

36:48

motivations or reasons for things. Like truly admitting

36:51

to yourself. You don't have to admit it

36:53

out loud. But like, yeah, that person made

36:55

me feel jealous or envious. And I acted

36:57

out because I felt like they were going

36:59

to take something that was mine or yeah,

37:02

I have to admit to myself that's what was driving

37:04

it. And I think an ENFP that gets that place,

37:06

that's the metric for this being developed

37:08

well and operated well. So then you

37:11

also know your desires too. Like, what

37:13

do you want? It's like, I know exactly what I want.

37:15

Or like, I pretty much know which direction I want. I

37:18

kind of know what's going to resonate or not resonate with

37:20

me in a desire way. So I

37:22

think desire and motivation, those are

37:24

the two levers. Like know what

37:26

I'm desiring and why and what is

37:28

motivating me and why. Really

37:31

being honest with myself. If

37:33

you're an ENFP that can say that and really tune into that,

37:35

I think you have a lot of development here. I think

37:38

that is the expectation you're speaking to,

37:40

Antonio. Yeah, emotional honesty, not

37:43

with other people, you made me mad

37:45

or I'm feeling sad. But emotional honesty

37:47

of like, yeah, there's like, there's some

37:49

things motivating me that probably aren't all

37:51

noble. Maybe I'm not

37:53

100% noble in everything I'm doing.

37:56

And this means Not doing things

37:58

like virtue signaling. It's nice

38:00

if it's not having an affectation or a.

38:03

Performance of Something. Yeah, it's being the

38:05

real deal as being the real thing

38:07

and it's not even bad things Overtime,

38:09

Like for example, there was a moment

38:11

with Ibiza few preferences. There's a moment

38:13

with her two children. Swear.

38:15

Who sixteen Piper is eleven. And.

38:18

Paper what to do something and sword in to

38:20

do it. And so I construct this whole like

38:22

scene. Where. I was going to call swear

38:24

to the room and I was gonna ask you what to do

38:26

this and I'm gonna say no I was going to like play

38:28

act as whole thing out. And and kind

38:30

of crete it so that no one had their feelings

38:33

hurt. And. It actually went

38:35

to a terribly wrong with i try to create this little

38:37

scene and like. Kind. Of obvious keep the

38:39

truth of what was going on and it all kind of

38:41

fell apart and it actually made it way worse than if

38:43

I was just very direct them with. Suit. Old

38:45

Brooke priced sit and I'm like why did it what it

38:47

was going on for me? Why did I do that? While.

38:50

I want to preserve feelings. What I want to

38:52

preserve feelings by Can't stand when other people feel

38:54

disappointed. Why do I want other people little disappointed?

38:56

Well. This is I can't bear

38:58

to discipline of myself. So.

39:00

Because I would never want to feel disappointed. I do

39:02

when feel disappointed. So I created this whole thing. All.

39:05

These extra. All

39:07

this extra right to stop there

39:09

and a causal. This challenge was

39:11

because I can't face been disappointed.

39:14

So. I don't want to see anyone else be disappointed. And

39:16

getting really honest with myself that that was

39:18

was motivating. That's entire scenario. That actually cause

39:21

we worse. Outcome than if

39:23

I just been like direct and felt the

39:25

discipline of the other person and it had

39:27

tune into myself so that it's that wasn't

39:29

meeting know bad motivation. It was actually well

39:31

intended. It was. It was just

39:33

a nuanced motivations was naive and bad vs good.

39:35

It's like what is really going on and that's

39:38

what you're on the hunt for with this process

39:40

and I would say that's the. Sophisticated.

39:43

Place that you want to get is really

39:45

understand why you're doing what you're doing from

39:47

any given moment or any given situation. That

39:49

that's that's a fantastic example. Thank you so

39:52

much for being willing to and to. Bring

39:54

it up. and that's where

39:56

the parental energy comes into later you

39:59

are literally up parent of these two people that

40:01

you were having this experience with. Yeah, that's true. But

40:03

I think it's a great example

40:05

of how introverted feeling or authenticity

40:08

wants emotional experiences for other people. They want

40:10

them to be able to feel a certain

40:12

way. That's part of the parental, like, I

40:14

want you to be able to... Protect from

40:16

feeling a bad way, right? Protect from feeling

40:18

a bad way. Feel certain positive emotions. I

40:20

want you to be able to be totally

40:23

free to be yourself, right? This is very

40:25

common for EFPs to parent the

40:27

world and specifically their children by allowing

40:29

them to be totally individual, unique, like

40:31

whatever, however you want to show up,

40:34

I will totally honor that. And

40:36

that's a – that is a – not

40:40

a compulsion, but I would say it's an instinct. It's

40:43

an instinct for EFPs. But here's the

40:45

thing is oftentimes the way that the

40:48

person is parenting comes from a desire

40:50

to be parented that way. Yeah. Most

40:53

of the time, an EFP and in this case, an

40:55

ENFP that is allowing others

40:57

to show up 100%

41:00

themselves, whether it's serving them or not, whether

41:02

it's good for them or not or the

41:04

right choice or creating a

41:07

good experience for them, it's because

41:09

they need to be given permission to

41:12

be their full selves. And

41:14

so a piece of this and having

41:16

high expectations for this function is

41:19

using it to self-parent. And that's

41:21

why we're talking about the high expectations being

41:23

having a way to process your emotions. And

41:26

the case that you mentioned, disappointment

41:28

was something that at least at the

41:30

time that you had that situation, you

41:33

had not learned how to process, right,

41:36

have a complete experience of disappointment. I'm

41:38

still working on it. It's

41:40

hard. I do not like disappointment. Right. Oh,

41:43

man. And yet your

41:45

expectation for yourself is that you don't just go,

41:47

well, I just don't like feeling disappointed and that's

41:49

the end of it. It's like, well, but that's

41:51

the feeling and you have to process it. And

41:53

I need to have higher capacity in my introverted

41:55

feeling or authenticity to be able

41:57

to accommodate that emotion as well. That's

42:00

really what I want. That's hard, but

42:02

I want that. Yeah, and that's much

42:04

closer to being our real selves than

42:07

any persona or affectation that we'll

42:09

put out to the world, because

42:11

oftentimes, this permissiveness

42:13

of everybody being their 100% self

42:17

is not usually the person actually being their

42:19

true self. It's their affectation of it. It's

42:22

like the thing that they want to present to the world, where

42:24

there's space for that too. People

42:26

get to choose their own personas, but

42:29

an ENFP that has high expectations for this

42:31

part of themselves will actually be going, yeah,

42:33

but what's the real? What's

42:36

the real feeling under this? What's the real identity

42:38

under this? Are you just playing around with identities?

42:40

That's okay. We're allowed to do that. But

42:42

are you getting too attached to something that actually

42:45

might be more persona than it is the true

42:47

self? I'm understanding

42:49

what's motivating me. I'm understanding my

42:51

emotional experience. I'm understanding my values.

42:54

I'm not just going with the first one, but

42:56

I'm doing true inner inquiry. And when

42:58

somebody with ENFP preferences models this for

43:00

others and helps them work through

43:02

this, a lot of times on the

43:05

other side, the person's like, oh, well, I guess

43:07

I'm not as attached to that thing that I thought

43:09

I was. Maybe it's actually more complex. And

43:11

that complexity, like you said, it's not good or

43:13

bad. It just is. Most

43:16

of the stuff that we have to deal with as people is not good

43:18

or bad. It just is. And

43:20

so not vilifying, not virtuizing,

43:22

not creating these sort of

43:25

black and white thinking, introverted

43:28

feeling or authenticity when it's at its best,

43:31

it sheds black and white thinking. It

43:34

sees the nuance, the complexity. It

43:36

understands – it sympathizes with

43:39

almost everybody because it understands what it means to

43:41

be a human having a human experience. And

43:44

that goes all the way from people who

43:46

do not share your ideals or values all

43:49

the way over to people who do. It's

43:51

easiest – it's easiest to

43:53

humanize people who agree with us. It's

43:56

far more difficult to humanize people

43:58

who think things that we make. might even

44:00

believe are dangerous and yet they are humans having

44:03

a human experience and for some reason they have

44:05

come to their values. So what

44:07

is in that that needs to be explored

44:09

and how is that in me too? So

44:12

these high expectations help an ENFP

44:14

become a beautiful model and

44:17

even more so it helps them find their

44:19

true nature. It helps them find things that

44:21

are much closer to personal

44:24

crusades, campaigns, things that are really

44:26

important to the individual. It might

44:29

be allyship in some way, it

44:31

might be a conviction, it might

44:34

be a religious ideal. There's

44:36

lots of different ways that this can express and show up

44:38

and there's room for all of it. It's

44:40

about finding the one that is true for you. So

44:43

that trueness of self requires

44:46

time, space, patience.

44:52

When you're doing this work, oftentimes you're not getting

44:54

a lot done in the outside world, right? It's

44:57

inner exploration work. I always call it

44:59

soul spelunking and the

45:02

reward or the outcome isn't always

45:04

seen in productivity but it's seen

45:07

in a stillness of self. It's

45:10

seen in when you're

45:13

doing enough emotional processing, you can tell

45:15

from the person because they have kind

45:17

of like their nervous system is sort

45:19

of quiet, right? They're not like

45:21

agitated. Not everything is super

45:23

high energy. Not everything is like vigilant.

45:26

They're just kind of calm and centered

45:28

because they know themselves and they're accepting

45:30

all of themselves. So I don't

45:32

think that that's an unreasonable expectation for

45:34

this function. Yeah. Any other comments on the

45:36

copilot? I would say

45:39

that when an ENFP

45:41

hasn't had super high expectations for this part

45:43

of themselves, oftentimes they struggle

45:46

with boundaries because they don't always

45:48

know where they end and the

45:51

other person begins. That's introverted feeling

45:53

or authenticity work. And so

45:56

setting good boundaries is usually a sign

45:58

that they're working on this. This is

46:00

good for themselves and for others. And

46:02

then I would also say that

46:04

self-care is usually a component to this.

46:07

If a person is really honoring themselves and showing

46:09

true respect to the self, which is part of

46:11

what comes along with – I

46:13

mean really understanding the self comes with compassion.

46:16

It comes with an awareness of what's

46:18

good for you. And so self-care is also

46:20

a symbol. And also self-care

46:23

for others, like understanding the importance

46:25

of self-care in general. So not

46:27

pushing other people too hard, but

46:29

also part of self-care is doing

46:32

good things for ourselves and pushing ourselves and

46:34

becoming – like overcoming obstacles. And

46:36

so it's also – it's like recognizing that we don't

46:38

push people too hard, but we also don't give them too much slack.

46:41

And we don't – and that is also the

46:43

relationship that an ENFP should build with themselves. I

46:46

think also without

46:48

higher expectations from

46:50

this process, it can be inappropriate

46:53

deference of authority to outside entities

46:55

or people. So

46:58

if you feel like you don't have sovereignty in

47:00

your life and you're – as an ENFP and

47:02

you're – like why does all

47:04

this – why does this system or this institution or

47:06

this person have so much authority over me? It's

47:09

an inappropriate authority. It probably means

47:11

there's some work that you need to – it's kind of

47:13

along the lines of – it's probably how you'll codify or

47:15

think about the boundaries. You'll think about

47:17

it probably in authority lines more than like relational

47:20

boundaries. You'll probably think of like who's –

47:23

can they tell me what to do? Do I have to take my orders from this? Or

47:26

how do I see the

47:28

moral drive of this authority

47:30

in my life or something? And it's really

47:33

attuning to say, well, I need to have

47:35

self-authority, self-sovereignty to know

47:37

that I'm a complete entity within myself

47:39

without needing an authority outside of myself

47:41

to guide. I can attune

47:43

to those, but that's me

47:45

deciding to attune to it. It's not overriding

47:47

my own sense of self. It's

47:49

very nuanced and it's possibly complex for some

47:52

people listening, but I think that's really the key

47:54

here is self-sovereignty and

47:56

self-authority in this area. I think that's

47:58

an absolutely perfect thing to – mentioned

48:00

because otherwise it sounds a little

48:02

too like extroverted feeling maybe with the boundary setting

48:04

in relationships. I think the concept

48:06

of sovereignty is perfect. It's like

48:09

am I a sovereign person? And

48:12

when somebody with ENFP preferences doesn't

48:14

feel sovereign, weirdly enough, they

48:17

have a tendency to reject all

48:19

authority. Because it's

48:21

almost like a reaction to not feeling whole

48:23

and of the self. But when

48:25

they have a sense of self-sovereignty, when

48:28

they understand that they are a sovereign person, they're far

48:30

more likely to be cooperative actually. Because they don't feel

48:32

like they're losing anything in the transaction. That's

48:35

a good metric then to kind of just look at your cooperation

48:37

versus like pushback on that. And

48:40

then finally, I think it helps with building good relationships.

48:43

If you don't have – if you haven't

48:45

done a lot of your own processing, if

48:48

you don't know yourself well, if

48:50

you have a bunch of – I almost think of it as like emotional

48:52

plaque inside that needs to be worked out. Then

48:56

it's hard to invest emotional energy in other

48:58

people. And so when introverted

49:00

feeling or authenticity is – when

49:03

it's working really well and one has high expectations,

49:06

there's a desire and a willingness to

49:09

pour emotional energy into other people. And

49:11

so relationships become less shallow. They

49:13

become deeper. And it's a

49:15

willingness to show the self to somebody

49:17

else because I think there's this

49:20

great quote that says, when

49:22

we fully accept ourselves, other

49:26

people relax in our presence because

49:29

they know nothing will be rejected in

49:31

them since nothing has been rejected in

49:33

the self. And I think

49:35

that's like a willingness to show vulnerabilities

49:37

because nobody can use it against you because

49:40

it's not – nobody

49:42

can go, well, I'm pointing something out inside of you that you don't

49:44

know. And it's like, okay,

49:46

that's fun because I accept that too. So it's really

49:48

a matter of accepting the self and

49:52

to a point where other people can read it off of

49:54

you and know that they will be accepted too. Now,

49:56

that doesn't mean accepting things that you find. You

50:00

want to change but that might need to

50:02

be changed or you want to change right? Yeah,

50:04

or accepting things that are against

50:07

your ethics like behaviors, right? It

50:10

means accepting people not necessarily accepting

50:12

their behaviors But

50:15

there's still I mean that's we accept

50:17

ourselves without accepting all of our behaviors,

50:19

right? Which is which is

50:21

the recipe for positive change? So

50:23

so it leads to more intimate

50:26

relationships as well. Absolutely.

50:28

Okay, let's that's the good

50:30

news By the way for NFPs this driver

50:32

and co-pilot exploration authenticity Let's

50:34

talk about the challenging news now. So

50:36

let's move back from the co-pilot right

50:38

behind the co-pilot So it's a

50:41

10 year old mental process again. We've nicknamed it

50:43

effectiveness Extroverted thinking is

50:46

the part of an NFP that gets the job done the

50:49

the leader the inner leader that's in

50:51

you that may want the higher position

50:53

and the Take charge

50:56

energy. Maybe it's focused on resource management every

50:58

NFP is different but often this can show

51:00

up as the the drive the Professional

51:02

side of you the one that wants

51:04

to accomplish see an impact create resource

51:07

maybe generate wealth or success and It's

51:10

got about the sophistication of a ten-year-old and

51:12

it's the it's the polar opposite of Introverted

51:15

feeling this extroverted thinking it's

51:17

almost like a coin That

51:19

you have two sides to it's

51:21

the exact opposite of introverted feeling And so if

51:24

introverted feeling is tuned into the self and what's

51:26

going on for me and my motivations Extroverted

51:28

thinking doesn't care about that. It wants

51:30

to see results. I don't care how you're feeling. Let's get

51:33

the output Let's get the thing done. Let's manage this resource.

51:35

Let's not take the individual into account That's gonna mess up

51:37

the system out here as you can

51:39

already see within your own personality These

51:42

two processes are in you could

51:44

say conflict or opposition to each other in a way

51:46

It's almost like if the one side of the coin

51:48

is up the other one's down and vice versa so

51:51

this is very important to think about this properly because

51:54

Outsized expectations or weird expectations here

51:56

can hijack the rest of

51:58

your car in your person So if you're following along

52:01

on the car model or at the 10 year old

52:03

position, what are some expectations? I'm sorry. Let's go through

52:05

these for effectiveness. So This

52:08

is a the reason why we call it a

52:10

10 year old is in John

52:13

BB's model He calls it an eternal child

52:16

and it comes along it

52:18

comes with some eternal child energy Now

52:20

it's the first time in our functions

52:22

that that we run into a

52:24

sense of uncertainty our first two functions We have

52:27

a high degree of certainty and we feel pretty

52:29

confident This is the first time that

52:31

we lack confidence. We lack certainty It

52:34

is like you mentioned. It's the polarity

52:36

opposite of the co-pilot which we talked

52:38

about having parental energy So these

52:41

two functions the parental energy function and

52:43

the eternal child Energy,

52:45

they're also and I'm just gonna mention this because

52:47

I've mentioned it in the other podcast They

52:51

are what John calls the axis

52:53

of relating to others meaning

52:55

that this is this is how we show up to

52:57

the world and Our

52:59

co-pilot our parental energy is how we can we feel

53:02

like we contribute to the world This is how we're

53:04

like part of society I'm going to be bringing this

53:06

to you in the case of ENFPs

53:08

it's like modeling authenticity and showing what it

53:10

means to be like a sovereign person

53:12

and Understanding and

53:14

valuing the human experience and

53:17

on the other side of this This is a more

53:19

child like way of interacting with the world. So what

53:21

ends up happening is we end up almost

53:24

like a 10 year old Sometimes

53:26

they do things really well in fact

53:29

sometimes quite impressively But they

53:31

don't really know what they did until they get a head

53:33

pat for it, right? They're like did I do that? Well,

53:35

let me know if I did that well look

53:37

mom. I'm gonna do a cartwheel in front of you Wow,

53:39

that was an amazing cartwheel. Okay, it was amazing cartwheel. Mom

53:41

told me it was amazing cartwheel So it was amazing

53:43

cartwheel. So we're seeking outer world feedback to let us

53:46

know that we've done this well and Because

53:48

that's the kind of weird relationship we

53:50

have with this function. We should

53:53

set reasonable expectations for it And

53:55

those read the the unreasonable expectations

53:58

would be that we get this perfect every

54:00

time, just like a 10-year-old might

54:02

have some idealism around landing every

54:04

cartwheel perfectly, that's what we're trying to

54:07

avoid is unreasonable expectations. So,

54:09

reasonable expectations with extroverted thinking

54:11

or effectiveness is you

54:14

can practice and embrace organization

54:16

and prioritization. You can do that, right?

54:19

It's okay. It's okay to want things to

54:21

be organized. It's okay to want to build

54:23

systems. It's very common for people with ENFP

54:25

preferences to be entrepreneurial and want to build something,

54:28

right? Want to build a structure, want to build

54:30

a business, want to build something and make something

54:32

in the outside world, something that has some impact.

54:34

That's all reasonable. It's very reasonable to

54:37

want to build. It's very reasonable

54:39

to believe that you can apply this to problem

54:41

solving and do practical problem solving with this function.

54:44

It's reasonable that you have an

54:46

analytical side that understands deeper

54:49

concepts and things that are like – that

54:51

require a more logical mind. It's

54:54

reasonable to expect

54:58

good time management from yourself, not perfect

55:00

but decent, right? Like you're trying to

55:02

manage your time. And this

55:04

one is sometimes hard for ENFPs. Some

55:06

ENFPs have mastered it, but a lot

55:08

of ENFPs struggle with it. It's

55:11

also reasonable to expect yourself

55:13

to have some candor, right?

55:15

To be able to communicate directly when

55:17

things are important to communicate. So it doesn't

55:19

mean that you're transparent in all ways, but

55:22

you can be candid, right? Candid about your

55:24

opinions, candid about the things that are going

55:26

on for you. Candid about – You mean

55:28

when you have a situation with your kids,

55:30

you don't create an entire scene to help

55:33

emotions. You just say it directly. What's going

55:35

on? You got it. That's what you're talking

55:37

about. That's never happened to me, but – Not –

55:39

yeah, exactly. You said that you did

55:41

like 20 minutes ago. That's right. So yes, candor

55:43

is a reasonable expectation. More direct is. Unreasonable

55:47

expectations is that you're going to nail all this on the

55:49

first try. So the

55:53

idea of being an entrepreneur, it

55:55

will always be a struggle to finish strong. It

55:58

will always be a struggle. And to believe

56:00

that you're always going to finish strong

56:02

and do it beautifully every time is

56:04

an unreasonable expectation. So to beat yourself

56:06

up for that is – well,

56:10

it's building sand castles on the

56:13

beach. If you expect yourself

56:15

to nail it the first time every time,

56:17

you're going to be constantly disappointed. Another

56:20

thing is that your time management will be flawless,

56:22

that you will be perfectly organized, that

56:25

your problem solving will always come up with the

56:27

best solution, that you will

56:29

always know the right thing to say. And

56:33

in the situation with Sawyer and Piper, it was

56:35

like you learn the lesson in post. That

56:38

is a lot of what happens with this function. You're going to

56:40

learn a lot of things in post, and that's

56:42

okay. Don't expect yourself to

56:44

nail all of this the first time. But

56:46

I think the other way this can show

56:48

up too is really believing that you have

56:50

what it takes in a resource way, energy,

56:52

time, money, to be

56:55

able to manage all the loops you keep opening with

56:57

your driver process, quite frankly. So as an ENFP, you

56:59

have all these new ideas and they strike you. It's

57:01

like, I want to do that and I want to

57:03

do that. And before you know it,

57:05

you might have 20 projects running. And

57:08

to believe that you're going to actually be able to do a good job

57:10

at all 20 is nuts. You probably

57:12

couldn't even do a good job at five of these. Again,

57:14

from personal experience I'm speaking. You

57:16

usually get like one, maybe two, and

57:19

then you got to close that loop and then move to

57:21

the next one. But to do it all at the same

57:23

time, that's a pipe dream. That's an idealism. That's way too

57:25

high expectation for this part of yourself that

57:27

you can manage all of that and do it well.

57:30

I think that you can do it for a

57:32

time or have the affectation of managing it well.

57:36

But once that breaks down, you're headed for a

57:38

crash. And I think a lot of ENFPs have

57:40

this boom and bust cycle and

57:42

disappointments and feeling

57:44

like a failure because they just bit off way

57:46

more than they can chew. It's

57:48

not that you're a failure at all. Like holistically,

57:50

it's just you just have too much you're doing

57:52

at one given time. I

57:55

think the way that a lot of ENFPs,

57:57

the language in their mind is I have to do it for myself.

58:01

So it's an overemphasis on productivity. And

58:04

– but I think it

58:06

is experienced in opening too many loops and

58:08

having the idealism around the ability – like

58:10

the I have sufficient resource to close all

58:12

the loops that I've opened even

58:14

though I have a very complicated life and already

58:17

100 – I'm already spinning a bunch

58:19

of plates. So I think that I

58:21

need to be productive. I need to be productive. Sort

58:24

of the overemphasis on it indicates

58:26

that you have too high of expectations. And

58:29

just like we mentioned before, if

58:31

you have too low of expectations, you're going

58:33

to deal with sort

58:35

of a disappointment in the self, right? Like I could do better.

58:37

But if you have too high of

58:39

expectations, you're going to be disappointed every time you fail.

58:42

And this is a place – this is the

58:44

first place where reasonable expectations really need

58:47

to be considered. And

58:49

also the idea of how am I seeking headpats, right?

58:51

Like in what ways am I doing too much, maybe

58:54

overcomplicating my life because

58:57

I'm seeking approval from the outside world

58:59

and just recognizing that that's a mechanism.

59:02

And so there are ways

59:04

that this can get – it's almost

59:06

like it tricks you, right? It's like

59:08

if I have all the things that are

59:10

the markers of success. And

59:13

a part of that too is comparing yourself

59:15

to other people who have this function higher.

59:17

I've seen this happen a lot. People

59:19

who have ENFP preferences thinking, well, how

59:22

does an ETJ do it, right?

59:24

The I should have the same results that they have. That's

59:27

too high of expectations, right? We should have

59:29

high expectations in our driver but not in

59:31

our 10-year-old function. So

59:34

I was waiting for you to – I was

59:36

going to see if you have anything to say on this one

59:38

because – I don't have anything else except – yeah, I don't

59:40

have anything coming up readily right this second. All right. There

59:43

was something that you had mentioned before that I'm

59:45

going to tee you up for just a little bit

59:47

because I thought it was very interesting. All right. Drumroll.

59:49

Here we go. You caught

59:52

your extroverted thinking or effectiveness

59:54

in business going, well,

59:56

if I can't be the most successful, I'll

59:59

be the most – Clever. Clever.

1:00:02

Yeah. I don't know if all ENFPs

1:00:04

struggle with this, but I'm sure someone listening right now with

1:00:06

that preference does. I'm sure that

1:00:08

cleverness is your – I think that

1:00:10

there's a competitive nature to ENFPs that

1:00:12

we try to maybe obfuscate, but it's

1:00:15

kind of there. And

1:00:17

I think it comes from this 10-year-old part. It's

1:00:20

like this 10-year-old process of effectiveness

1:00:22

understands hierarchy and achievement and the

1:00:24

career ladder or the resource

1:00:26

ladder. It understands like the chain of command and all this.

1:00:28

And so it sees that and goes, well, I want to

1:00:30

play that game. I want to be competitive

1:00:32

and I want to play it, but sometimes it says, I don't

1:00:34

know if I can play it the traditional way. I don't have all

1:00:37

the – so I'm going to do a

1:00:39

little – I'm going to do it differently. I know if I can't

1:00:42

win directly, I'll go a little bit

1:00:44

to the side and I'll be creatively

1:00:46

different. I'll be unique. I'll be

1:00:49

the differentiating option, the unique

1:00:51

selling proposition of life rather than the direct

1:00:53

competition. And so it's a competitiveness, I think,

1:00:55

that comes in a little

1:00:57

bit of a different channel in over-cleverness.

1:01:00

And I think that goes back to opening too many loops,

1:01:02

too many projects. It's like I'll do

1:01:05

– instead of one business really well and compete

1:01:07

there, I'll do seven sort of good and that'll

1:01:09

win by volume or whatever you would tell yourself.

1:01:11

Again, that's personal to me. It could

1:01:13

be different for you listening, but I think the

1:01:16

principle stands in whatever you apply it to, cleverness

1:01:19

or uniqueness is your winning strategy

1:01:21

in a competitive frame. Or

1:01:24

being super smart or super analytic. And

1:01:27

I agree. I think it's going to be different for

1:01:29

every ENFP, but thank you for being willing to share

1:01:31

that particular way that it shows up for you because

1:01:34

I think it was an interesting way. It was like

1:01:36

a moment of self-observation. You're like, I think I'm trying

1:01:38

to be too clever. And

1:01:40

that's – and it's actually putting too much burden on

1:01:42

my extroverted thinking. It's creating too complicated

1:01:44

of a system because I'm attempting to

1:01:47

be clever here. And we

1:01:49

all do it with our 10-year-old function. 100% of people do that. Well,

1:01:54

I realize it was insecurity. I'm like, I don't

1:01:56

think I can compete directly. So by clever, I

1:01:58

won't be measured by the same standards. I'm changing.

1:02:00

the entire measurement system that I kind

1:02:02

of control because I invented it a little bit or

1:02:04

I've been clever with it. So if

1:02:06

I'm in control of it then I get to measure myself

1:02:08

as high as I want. I can make myself as successful

1:02:10

as I want in my own mind. It's a way to

1:02:13

cover insecurity of do I have what it takes. And

1:02:15

I think when somebody with ENFP preferences puts

1:02:17

too much burden on this part of them,

1:02:20

they're actually suppressing their other innate gifts.

1:02:22

Yeah. Right? Like it's if everything is

1:02:24

going to this part of you to

1:02:26

just try to keep up then

1:02:29

your intuition and your feeling

1:02:32

don't get an opportunity to shine as much.

1:02:34

And so it's just something that somebody

1:02:36

with these preferences needs to like make sure am

1:02:39

I putting too much of a burden on this

1:02:41

part of myself? Am I having too high of expectations?

1:02:43

Yeah. Am I really worried that I'm gonna

1:02:45

fail and I'm just like loading myself down

1:02:47

now? But at the same

1:02:49

time differentiating

1:02:52

can sometimes be not

1:02:55

playing the game the way that other people play. And

1:02:58

so not getting the same reward that other

1:03:00

people do. And so an expectation of ENFP

1:03:02

can have of this is that no I

1:03:04

can be a successful human being. I

1:03:06

can have success. I just

1:03:08

need to make sure that I'm not in

1:03:11

a hamster will. Yeah. An example of this was

1:03:13

we started our membership program a few months ago

1:03:16

and I was like we're not gonna call it a

1:03:18

membership. That's what everybody calls it. Everybody's got this XYZ

1:03:21

Plus membership and I'm

1:03:23

not gonna do something. We're gonna do something different. We're

1:03:25

gonna be unique. That's gonna be the winning strategy and

1:03:27

then we call it personality quest which

1:03:29

we still call our live calls quest calls. But

1:03:32

people weren't getting it. They were like what is this?

1:03:34

What's a personality quest? And I'm like it's a membership

1:03:36

sort of but it's not what we're calling a membership.

1:03:38

They're like okay sorry. We switched the name to personality

1:03:40

hacker plus membership and now oh I know what that

1:03:43

is. I can

1:03:45

join that. It's like alright it's mundane

1:03:47

and whatever what are you doing. We're

1:03:49

not unique but it actually is working

1:03:51

way better and people get what it is. And they're like

1:03:53

I want to join that. That sounds fantastic. So

1:03:56

it's that kind of stuff. I think that when

1:03:58

you're too clever... It made it complex and

1:04:00

I wasn't getting – we weren't getting the signups of people interested

1:04:03

in the way I thought we would. And

1:04:05

here it was. I was overcleverizing – that's

1:04:07

a word – all

1:04:09

the things we were doing with that. So I think that's –

1:04:12

I'm trying to find a real tangible example of somebody listening. What

1:04:14

does it mean to be overclever? How does that show up? That's

1:04:16

an example of, like, from my life, how I was trying to

1:04:18

outsmart my – our

1:04:20

messaging or something. And

1:04:23

it's so funny because we had for so long

1:04:25

made fun of the word plus. Everything is plus.

1:04:28

And here we are. We're like, okay, well, you can't

1:04:30

beat them. Join them. That

1:04:32

said, like you mentioned, these are two sides

1:04:35

of the same coin – introverted feeling, authenticity, and

1:04:37

extroverted thinking effectiveness. There's two sides of the

1:04:39

same coin. And so part of what

1:04:41

we can do or part of what you can

1:04:43

do as somebody with ENFP preferences is you can

1:04:45

spin the coin. You can make it

1:04:47

so that not one side is up where the other side

1:04:49

is. You can make it so that they're actually working together

1:04:52

with this part, this 10-year-old supporting the

1:04:54

parental energy. And that's

1:04:56

a part of contribution, right, how you give back

1:04:58

to the world. And so I mean much

1:05:00

of personality hacker is your brainchild. Like

1:05:03

you are – I mean you're the brains behind

1:05:05

it. You are the hard work. You are the

1:05:07

person who has created all these structures. And

1:05:11

you did so because there

1:05:13

was a passion behind it, right? There was a real

1:05:15

will to do this, to help people find who they

1:05:17

are, their unique selves, to

1:05:19

introspect, to really get to know who they are

1:05:21

so they can give themselves permission to be

1:05:23

themselves and accept themselves. And you've

1:05:26

built an entire structure around that that I just get to

1:05:28

like – I get to show up

1:05:30

at a microphone, but you really do the lion's share

1:05:32

of all of the business work. And

1:05:34

I think you've done an incredible job, honestly.

1:05:36

Thank you. I'll take that ahead, Pat. My

1:05:39

10-year-old effectiveness loves that. I'm just beaming. Thank

1:05:41

you. Well, you deserve it. You more than

1:05:43

deserve it. Appreciate it. And

1:05:45

it's because I think in large part it supports

1:05:47

something that's important to you. It does, yeah. And

1:05:51

when I lose sight of that, I go off the rails.

1:05:53

And that's the key thing is to stay connected to what's

1:05:55

important. And I think for an ENFP, that

1:05:57

really helps it stay in its proper balance. So

1:06:00

let's talk about the other challenging

1:06:02

news, this three-year-old. Memory

1:06:05

is the nickname. Introverted sensing

1:06:07

is the technical name, is

1:06:09

a deeply uncertain part of the

1:06:12

NFP personality. It's an important part

1:06:14

though. You identify with this. It just feels more

1:06:16

childlike and a little bit uncertain. Well, not a

1:06:18

little bit, a lot uncertain. You're deeply uncertain. And

1:06:21

this can show up in all sorts of

1:06:24

ways. When we're deeply uncertain, we overcompensate. We

1:06:26

undercompensate. We have a hard time

1:06:28

having nuance or fidelity to things. We

1:06:30

kind of over black and white thinking

1:06:32

around them. And this happens for

1:06:34

ENFPs here too. So let's talk about clearly

1:06:37

we're not going to expect a lot from this

1:06:39

part of an ENFP's mind or

1:06:41

cognition or personality. So what is

1:06:44

the proper expectation here at the three-year-old

1:06:46

place? Well, I wouldn't say we don't expect

1:06:48

a lot. I would say we have to have a reasonable expectation. Fair

1:06:50

enough. Well, the one expectation that

1:06:52

we all have to have no matter what our

1:06:54

personality type is is this function will never –

1:06:56

we will never feel a sense of certainty in

1:06:58

it. We have to expect that there's always going

1:07:00

to be question mark. Unlike the

1:07:02

ten-year-old function, the child that feels

1:07:04

uncertainty but then looks around and goes, did I

1:07:07

do a good job? And gets a head pat

1:07:09

and goes, okay, I did a good job. But

1:07:12

this part of us, this inferior part,

1:07:14

can't – it won't receive a head

1:07:16

pat. It doesn't feel a sense of

1:07:19

certainty just if it gets validation from the outside

1:07:21

world. Like we have to integrate it.

1:07:23

We have to build a good relationship with it.

1:07:25

It's an in-house piece. The

1:07:27

copilot and the ten-year-old are part of a

1:07:29

relationship we have with others. But John

1:07:31

calls the driver and the three-year-old or the

1:07:34

dominant and inferior. He calls that

1:07:36

the access of relating to ourselves. So

1:07:38

this is our relationship to ourselves. And

1:07:41

that means that the uncertainty that comes along with it,

1:07:44

that's why we feel deep uncertainty because

1:07:46

there's no way to validate it. There's

1:07:48

only ways to integrate it. So

1:07:50

what kinds of expectations should we have?

1:07:52

Well, first, we're always still uncertain. It

1:07:55

will always be a bit of a stretch. It

1:07:58

will always be something that we have some – sense

1:08:00

of struggle around. That's an expectation we

1:08:02

should feel. It will never

1:08:04

feel comfortable. So we have to

1:08:07

expand our comfort zone to

1:08:09

include its uncertainty. Like uncertainty

1:08:11

in this part of us needs to

1:08:13

be a part of our, like

1:08:16

we expand our comfort zone to include it. So

1:08:18

we can feel a sense of

1:08:21

at least familiarity with the uncertainty

1:08:23

that comes here. So what

1:08:25

are some of the expectations and specificity that

1:08:27

we can feel? Well we can

1:08:30

do or somebody with ENFP

1:08:32

preferences can do reflective learning from

1:08:34

the past. Alright you can reflect on

1:08:36

your experiences of the past and learn lessons,

1:08:38

vital lessons from them. It's

1:08:41

not the expectation of just

1:08:43

running away from your past or believing

1:08:45

that that doesn't define you, believing

1:08:48

that you shouldn't have to think about what

1:08:50

came before or that there might be

1:08:53

inconvenient information in there. That's

1:08:56

letting yourself off the hook too much. You

1:08:59

won't be consumed by these memories but

1:09:02

you do need to process them. So a reasonable

1:09:05

expectation is that you can process your

1:09:07

experiences from the past. Another

1:09:09

reasonable expectation is that you

1:09:12

can develop a routine. That

1:09:14

is something that can happen. You

1:09:16

and I have talked a lot about

1:09:18

how for people with ENFP preferences it

1:09:20

might look more like a rhythm than

1:09:22

a routine. It might be

1:09:24

seasonal, it might be something that you

1:09:27

don't go work

1:09:29

out at the gym every, you know, at the

1:09:31

same time every time you go but it's like

1:09:33

a block of time. It's like, you know, sometime

1:09:35

between four and six, right? So it's like a

1:09:37

rhythm of it and it might not be the same

1:09:39

day but if it's not this day then it's definitely the

1:09:41

next day. It's more of

1:09:43

a sense of responsibility to

1:09:46

self-care, to the

1:09:49

responsibilities we have to the outside world, to making sure that we're

1:09:51

showing up for the things that we need to show up for.

1:09:54

It's just feeling a sense of consistency and

1:09:56

continuity to our responsibilities and that's very

1:09:58

reasonable for an ENFP. and E and

1:10:00

FP to experience. And

1:10:03

then I think there's

1:10:06

an attention to detail that

1:10:08

is reasonable to expect. I think when we

1:10:10

really get into, or I keep saying we,

1:10:12

because I have E and TP preferences, but

1:10:15

when an ENFP really starts to integrate

1:10:17

this part of who they are, they

1:10:19

can find themselves being very attentive to details,

1:10:21

but not too much. Because sometimes you can,

1:10:23

you can kind of get sucked into it

1:10:26

and be overly attuned

1:10:29

to details that don't matter. So

1:10:31

a reasonable expectation is to learn over time,

1:10:33

which are the details that matter that you

1:10:36

have to attune to and which ones are

1:10:38

not. I think that's reasonable. I

1:10:40

think to realize what you desire or what

1:10:43

you imagine requires a

1:10:45

little extra thinking about how it will play out in

1:10:47

a real way. And I think that's where you're talking

1:10:49

about detail is it

1:10:51

can be like very specific detail, like

1:10:54

focusing on, you know,

1:10:56

the grammar of a sentence and like looking

1:10:58

at that, but I think when you say detail, you really

1:11:00

mean the realness of

1:11:02

something, the detail of it. It's like, wouldn't

1:11:04

it be great to have, and you name

1:11:06

some abstract idea and this really cool thing

1:11:08

and you're like, it's like, yeah, and then it's

1:11:10

like the quote unquote, devils and the details. You

1:11:13

all of a sudden go, well, okay, how would

1:11:15

that actually look though? In a real way, in

1:11:17

a real practical way with the details involved. And

1:11:20

I think this can look, I mean, this can look

1:11:22

in a real basic way for ENFP, forgetting

1:11:26

that when you're meeting ends at the top of the hour

1:11:28

and the next one starts at the top of the hour,

1:11:31

like you needed a time to go take a break to the

1:11:33

bathroom and get a drink and

1:11:35

realize, oh, I don't just make that up by my

1:11:39

imagination. Like that's a real need. I, there's like, I'm

1:11:41

on a real timeline or there's a real detail there.

1:11:44

I have to give myself switching time when

1:11:46

I close the one down to prepare for the next

1:11:48

call or something. I think that's like how it might

1:11:50

show up for an ENFP in like a real

1:11:53

tangible way. The detail part.

1:11:55

Yeah. That's a great example. Would you say

1:11:57

Antonio, that one reasonable expectation is that an

1:11:59

ENFP. could watch this entire video and not

1:12:01

be bored? Yeah, well, I mean they might

1:12:04

not find us very interesting, but if they find us interesting at all...

1:12:06

If they find something interesting, they should be able to watch it all

1:12:08

the way through. Yes, patience. Patience, there

1:12:10

we go. Patience is... That's what came up for

1:12:12

me is, I feel like ENFP is just

1:12:14

pushing away that idea. I know. I don't have

1:12:16

time for this. Right. What? How

1:12:19

busy is your life? You don't have time to spend

1:12:21

time with things that matter to you. Well, actually,

1:12:23

I don't think ENFP say they don't have time.

1:12:26

They say, I don't have the attention span. Yeah, well, there

1:12:28

you go. And so the reasonable expectation is that you

1:12:30

can have the attention span. Learning how to focus. Learning

1:12:33

how to focus. Because that's right. Extroverted

1:12:36

intuition, that driver process for ENFP

1:12:38

loves to bounce and connect quickly.

1:12:41

And so that requires some diffusion of intensity because you're

1:12:43

like, okay, that's cool, but what's over here? And

1:12:46

you bring it over, and what's over there? And

1:12:48

kind of the rabbit mind of bouncing all over

1:12:50

helps you connect the dots. But

1:12:53

once those dots are connected or at times you don't

1:12:55

need that part, you need to be

1:12:57

able to be patient and focus on a process

1:13:00

or see something manifest on a timeline of sorts.

1:13:02

And I think that is a struggle. It's for me a struggle too. I

1:13:06

think it's also generational. I

1:13:08

think we're – our

1:13:10

modern world doesn't help ENFPs develop this part of themselves.

1:13:13

I had the benefit of growing up in a

1:13:15

world that was analog. I had to

1:13:17

read books. We didn't have videos on

1:13:19

two-time speed or audio on two-time speed. You

1:13:21

had to listen to it in real time. Heck,

1:13:24

half the stuff was broadcast live, and if you missed

1:13:26

it, you didn't get a second chance unless you recorded

1:13:28

it. So I grew up in a generation that

1:13:31

really taught me as an ENFP to pay

1:13:33

attention to some of the timeline and emergent

1:13:35

information as it comes out. And

1:13:37

I think in our random access digital world where

1:13:39

you can – you probably – there's somebody right

1:13:41

now listening to this on two-time speed. Many people

1:13:43

are listening to two-time speed. We have those tools,

1:13:45

right? You might even just throw the transcription into

1:13:47

chat GPT and not even listen to us at

1:13:49

all and just read the transcript to

1:13:52

look for keywords or data points. We're

1:13:54

losing a sense of this part of

1:13:56

our culture and our world, this memory

1:13:58

or introverted self-doubt. part

1:14:00

culturally. And so I think it

1:14:03

does matter. You might have to put more attention

1:14:05

to this and

1:14:07

intention to this part of yourself than even

1:14:09

previous generations like myself did if you're young.

1:14:13

And so that's something to be taken to

1:14:15

account that things have changed, and this might

1:14:17

need more mindfulness to actually focus on this

1:14:19

part of yourself. Yeah,

1:14:21

patience and the ability to be bored and

1:14:25

that you don't have to constantly be getting

1:14:27

a dopamine hit with absolutely – like

1:14:29

in your intuition. And I think

1:14:31

that's why it's like don't believe the first

1:14:33

pattern. Don't just go with the first aha.

1:14:35

Don't go with just the first hit. It's

1:14:37

like do further inquiries. Think about it more.

1:14:40

And it's a reasonable expectation that an ENFP

1:14:42

can think about things longer than a –

1:14:45

like 60-second increments. And

1:14:48

I think a lot of ENFPs do. They figured it out.

1:14:50

It's like I mean I know tons of ENFPs. When people

1:14:52

are like no ENFP can listen to it. It's like no,

1:14:55

you can't. You. That's you. You're an individual, but

1:14:57

there are plenty of ENFPs that can. Well, this

1:14:59

might be an exception then to where we

1:15:02

would introduce a little higher expectation here

1:15:04

than maybe most personality types because

1:15:06

of that cultural piece that's missing. In

1:15:09

other words, the expectation is yeah, you're not going to be great

1:15:11

at this. You're always going to have uncertainty. But

1:15:13

if you don't set yourself an expectation

1:15:15

to develop this, the

1:15:18

culture around you that once just forced it

1:15:20

upon you is not going to anymore. So

1:15:23

in a way, you need to probably for you as

1:15:25

an ENFP in particular, and maybe ENTPs when we talk

1:15:27

about them too, have a

1:15:29

higher expectation for this part of yourself than

1:15:31

maybe other types would have for themselves. Or even

1:15:34

the world is telling you you should have. Actually

1:15:36

what I would say instead of expectation, I'd say

1:15:38

intention than expectation, intentionality

1:15:41

because this is

1:15:43

– again, there's no external pressure

1:15:45

for it as much anymore. And

1:15:47

I think that's – it's really important. Well,

1:15:50

and if you notice, that's why I said reasonable expectation,

1:15:52

not no. Exactly. I wasn't like no.

1:15:54

I'm not saying that one should have no or

1:15:56

low expectations for their three-year-old or inferior function. They

1:15:58

just need to have it reasonable. They just need

1:16:00

to understand that things are always going to be

1:16:02

a bit of a struggle. It's always going to

1:16:04

be kind of hard. When

1:16:07

we talk about rhythms and routines, you're

1:16:09

probably going to have to do a lot

1:16:11

of refinding your rhythm, meaning that you'll get

1:16:13

disrupted because extroverted intuition or exploration is a

1:16:16

disruptive function. That's what it does. It disrupts.

1:16:19

And so you're going to do a lot of disrupting

1:16:21

your own routines and rhythms, and you're going to have

1:16:23

to refind them. And sometimes

1:16:25

it takes months to do that, but

1:16:27

the reasonable expectation is that you will

1:16:29

refind it, and you need to keep

1:16:31

trying. You need to keep

1:16:33

trying to stretch your attention

1:16:36

span. You need to keep trying

1:16:38

to refind your rhythm and routine.

1:16:40

You need to continue to develop

1:16:42

appreciation for the details, the devils

1:16:44

and the details. You

1:16:47

need to keep – the expectation is you don't stop

1:16:49

trying. And then

1:16:51

as you try, your capacity expands.

1:16:53

You get better at these things,

1:16:56

and that includes appreciating tradition

1:16:58

and appreciating where we came

1:17:00

from. All of these are

1:17:02

part of it. So the

1:17:04

expectation is it's hard, and

1:17:07

you have to do it anyway. And when you do, you

1:17:10

get rewarded. Well, certainly

1:17:12

your intuition and your feelings can ride on

1:17:14

top of it and perform better. And

1:17:17

you'll know that you're doing introverted

1:17:20

sensing or memory well when

1:17:22

you have a higher capacity for acceptance.

1:17:26

So introverted

1:17:29

sensing is post-processing are

1:17:31

experiences or experiences in general.

1:17:33

Sometimes it's post-processing other people's

1:17:35

experiences, reading or whatever. But

1:17:38

it's processing experiences, and when we

1:17:40

process our own experiences, we know

1:17:42

we have a complete processing cycle

1:17:44

when on the other side we

1:17:46

experience acceptance. So it

1:17:48

is reasonable to expect somebody with ENFP

1:17:51

preferences to be able to do a

1:17:53

complete process of an experience and to

1:17:55

be able to get to a place

1:17:57

of acceptance. Now, it might take a while. Again,

1:18:00

the expectation is it's always going to be a struggle.

1:18:02

It can be hard to do, and yet

1:18:05

you can do it. That is a reasonable

1:18:07

expectation. Anything else for the

1:18:09

three-year-old inferior process you want to mention before

1:18:11

we move on? Well, just

1:18:13

like with the copilot and the ten-year-old as

1:18:15

a spinning coin situation, we can do the

1:18:17

exact same thing with the driver and the

1:18:19

three-year-old because they are also a polarity. That

1:18:21

intuition and that sensing also create two sides

1:18:23

of the same coin. And when

1:18:25

they work together, that's like a spinning of a

1:18:28

coin. And that creates what Carl Jung called

1:18:30

a transcendent function, which is it's more

1:18:33

than the sum of its parts,

1:18:35

right? And when sensing, introverted sensing

1:18:38

or memory supports extroverted intuition or

1:18:40

exploration, particularly

1:18:42

in a relationship to ourselves, what we find ourselves

1:18:44

doing is we become ourselves or

1:18:46

somebody with ENFP preferences. They

1:18:49

find themselves becoming wise. Like

1:18:51

it's wisdom that gets given to the

1:18:54

intuition. They're able to

1:18:57

dive a little deeper, to have a

1:18:59

little bit more patience, to understand the

1:19:01

implications of their actions, to understand the

1:19:03

implications of their intuitions, to not just sell

1:19:05

every idea that comes to them, to not wait

1:19:07

till the 11th hour every time, but also

1:19:10

to be able to have

1:19:12

that intuitive skill that is

1:19:15

seasoned with

1:19:17

a lot of experiences, right? Like

1:19:19

to integrate all of those previous experiences, I think is

1:19:22

part of what gets them to that higher order of

1:19:24

channeling. It's like, oh, I've been here before. I've seen

1:19:26

this before. I know what pattern this is. Or

1:19:29

oh, this is a hard one. This was

1:19:32

a difficult situation, but I have seen myself

1:19:34

process it so I know that it can be

1:19:36

processed. So now I have better, higher quality information

1:19:38

to bring to my intuitive

1:19:40

pattern recognition. So when

1:19:42

one brings it into their intuition,

1:19:45

now the coins start spinning and

1:19:47

now they have access to all sorts

1:19:49

of skills and capacities, which again, creates

1:19:51

higher expectations. So as the premise

1:19:54

of all of this is when we don't

1:19:56

have these good expectations, these reasonable expectations, we

1:19:58

find ourselves not being Being able to

1:20:01

receive the love we're trying to send to ourselves

1:20:03

and so like

1:20:05

not giving up on these parts of

1:20:07

ourselves not giving up and and Watching

1:20:10

ourselves become more transcended We

1:20:13

just start to receive love like crazy We just

1:20:15

start to appreciate who we are and who we've

1:20:17

become and all the things we've gone through self-confidence,

1:20:21

I believe the algorithm of self-confidence

1:20:23

is it's overcoming

1:20:25

obstacles and then taking an accounting of

1:20:27

that and overcoming

1:20:30

obstacles is something that extroverted intuition or

1:20:32

exploration kind of enjoys doing right? It's like

1:20:34

give me give me an obstacle and overcome it But

1:20:37

we don't always take the time to do the

1:20:39

introverted sensing or the memory of the processing of

1:20:41

the experience and at that point When we process

1:20:43

it well now we go. Oh, I

1:20:46

well I did that didn't I wow I I guess I did

1:20:48

that really well I guess I'm a bit of

1:20:50

a badass. Okay. Yeah, I have confidence.

1:20:52

I can go into the next challenge I know

1:20:55

I'm gonna be okay not just winging it not

1:20:57

just assuming we can not taking off more You know

1:20:59

biting off more than we can chew But

1:21:01

actually with a sober minded approach going no I can handle

1:21:03

this because I've handled it in the past and

1:21:05

now now we have self confidence which

1:21:07

removes that Obstruction to receiving

1:21:09

self-love so let's tune into what

1:21:11

the other what what the other 15 people,

1:21:13

you know Types can learn from us ENFPs.

1:21:15

What's the what's some lessons before we do

1:21:18

that? Let's just do a quick review We've

1:21:20

talked about the ENFP personality and

1:21:22

we talked about the car model that comes from

1:21:24

our ENFP owners manual and the

1:21:26

owners man who goes way deep into some of the

1:21:28

concepts we've been talking about and the that

1:21:30

car model, but the car model talks about the driver of

1:21:33

Exploration extroverted intuition the co-pilot

1:21:35

of authenticity introverted feeling those

1:21:37

are the two strongest

1:21:39

and Highest

1:21:41

expected parts of you right as an ENFP

1:21:44

Sitting behind the co-pilot is that 10

1:21:47

year old of effectiveness extroverted thinking and

1:21:49

then behind the driver is the three-year-old

1:21:51

of Introverted sensing or what

1:21:53

we've called memory and those are more

1:21:55

challenging and they should have proper or reasonable Expectations

1:21:57

for both of those parts of yourself. So we

1:21:59

talked about about the expectation of all

1:22:02

of those cognitive functions. Now what

1:22:04

is something that we can tune into from

1:22:06

ENFP that's doing well, that is

1:22:08

showing themselves love, has removed all the

1:22:10

obstructions and has good expectations in place,

1:22:13

they have a good relationship with themselves,

1:22:15

and they're performing well in

1:22:17

life. They're doing well and they can

1:22:19

send and receive love from

1:22:21

themselves. What's a lesson that

1:22:23

the rest of y'all can learn from us in

1:22:26

that? So an

1:22:29

ENFP that is consistently showing

1:22:31

themselves love and receiving that love.

1:22:34

So has a good relationship to self,

1:22:37

excuse me, that they've earned. It's

1:22:39

contagious, the frog in your throat is contagious. I know, what'd you do? You

1:22:41

gave it to me, huh? What

1:22:45

we see is, I'm gonna call it something weird,

1:22:47

but I called the ENTP one something weird too.

1:22:50

I'm gonna call it a visionary closer,

1:22:52

right? So what is a closer? A

1:22:55

closer is somebody that completes the

1:22:57

job, closes the loop, right? And

1:23:00

it's not uncommon- Finish is strong. Finish is

1:23:02

strong, that's right. It's not uncommon for

1:23:04

people with ENFP preferences to be quite

1:23:06

visionary, right? They see the future possibilities,

1:23:09

they see how things could be different,

1:23:11

there's a disruptive part of them that just wants

1:23:14

to disrupt the status quo and

1:23:16

create a different, maybe better

1:23:18

future. So there's usually a visionary

1:23:20

aspect to an ENFP, but there's not

1:23:22

always that closing part. And

1:23:25

oftentimes when an ENFP

1:23:27

needs to close loops and

1:23:29

be more responsible, sometimes they lose a

1:23:31

little bit of intuition. It's

1:23:33

like they're not allowed to be innovative, they're not allowed

1:23:35

to be visionary. So when an ENFP

1:23:38

has figured out how to spin

1:23:41

those coins, how to

1:23:43

transcend some of this and

1:23:45

remove the obstacles and obstructions to feeling

1:23:47

self-love, you see them have both qualities.

1:23:50

They marry both the visionary aspect and

1:23:52

the ability to close loops. So

1:23:55

you've got somebody who sees this vision

1:23:57

of the future. It doesn't have to be

1:23:59

a save the world. world vision, it can just be

1:24:01

something that they can build and make

1:24:03

happen. A vision for their

1:24:06

family, a vision for a business, a vision

1:24:08

for something in their world. A movie they

1:24:10

want to make. Exactly. Whatever

1:24:12

it might be. Right. A project that they want

1:24:15

to manifest. And

1:24:17

with the discipline and dedication with the

1:24:19

patience that comes along with integrating

1:24:21

introverted sensing or memory, with

1:24:23

the ability to organize and prioritize

1:24:25

that comes along with the extroverted

1:24:28

thinking or effectiveness, but also

1:24:30

that innovation plus the drive that comes

1:24:32

from introverted feeling and authenticity. All

1:24:34

of that allows the ENFP to

1:24:36

still have those visions, but

1:24:39

have reasonable ones. Ones that are, that

1:24:42

they're able to manifest. Ones that aren't

1:24:44

too big of a pole. One that doesn't

1:24:46

burn them out. One that is in alignment

1:24:48

with their values and what's important to them

1:24:50

and who they see themselves at. And with

1:24:52

some patience and understanding that things happen over

1:24:54

time, incrementally over time, which

1:24:57

is something that introverted sensing or memory

1:24:59

reminds them of. That things don't just

1:25:01

happen overnight. That it takes some patience,

1:25:03

it takes some follow throughs, takes some

1:25:05

consistency. And with all of that,

1:25:07

you get somebody who can show the world

1:25:09

how to have a vision, but then also

1:25:12

be creative, be innovative, see outside the

1:25:14

box, but also have the discipline to

1:25:16

be able to make it happen and

1:25:18

to finish strong. Yeah,

1:25:21

that resonates a lot. And

1:25:23

I think that the

1:25:26

co-pilot of authenticity is the

1:25:28

big lever here in a lot of it

1:25:30

because what it really means

1:25:33

is the quick hit and excitement of a new

1:25:35

idea and create a lot

1:25:37

of initial motivation. But

1:25:39

you need something that's like a burning

1:25:42

ember, that when you don't feel

1:25:44

good and you gotta get up early and work at

1:25:46

this thing or it doesn't

1:25:48

feel as exciting anymore,

1:25:52

you're able to continue the sustainable

1:25:55

movement. I don't think that's going to

1:25:57

come from a routine, only. You can use... a

1:26:00

routine to help support you. But the drive

1:26:02

has to be a really deep inner drive

1:26:04

of this matters to me as an ENFP.

1:26:07

This outcome, this vision

1:26:09

I had that I got really excited at the beginning,

1:26:11

the going is getting tough right now. This is hard

1:26:13

in the middle of it or near the end of

1:26:15

it to finish strong, to close it out like you're

1:26:17

talking about. But there's a satisfaction

1:26:20

in staying strong with the conviction or the motivation

1:26:22

or the pull that that part of you has

1:26:24

that, no, this is the right choice. I'm

1:26:27

still on the right path. It

1:26:29

requires you to check in early when you feel the

1:26:31

excitement to say, is this the right choice? Because that

1:26:33

excitement can override that resonance

1:26:35

or the core value of motivation you might have

1:26:37

as an ENFP. So you have to really throttle

1:26:39

that for a second and go, is this really

1:26:41

what I want? Is this really what drives me?

1:26:43

Is this really the outcome I desire? And

1:26:45

if it is, I think you can connect to that and that

1:26:48

can pull you along to be that visionary closer. So

1:26:51

you have the idea, but then you have

1:26:53

to have the fire along with the support

1:26:55

of both, like you said, extroverted thinking and

1:26:57

introverted sensing, effectiveness and memory to support that

1:26:59

drive. Because that's why the co-pilot is so

1:27:01

important for ENFPs. Well, and you have to

1:27:03

believe in yourself. That's part of that ember

1:27:05

is I believe that I – not only

1:27:07

am I – I believe that I'm capable

1:27:09

of doing this, but I believe it's right.

1:27:13

It's personal to me, so I believe in myself and I'm

1:27:15

going to pull from the times in the past that I

1:27:18

watched myself overcome obstacles and

1:27:20

get through the less rewarding middle or

1:27:22

end. I know I can do it.

1:27:24

I've seen myself do it, and I

1:27:26

believe in myself. And so

1:27:29

that's a person who can finish strong. Yeah,

1:27:33

so there's a lot more here for you as an

1:27:35

ENFP, and hopefully

1:27:38

you got some insights into how you can

1:27:40

have a relationship for yourself that shows love

1:27:42

and receives love. One of the key things

1:27:44

to remember is love

1:27:47

is not earned, like we said at the

1:27:49

beginning. It's something that is freely given, but

1:27:51

that relationship with yourself is the channel that

1:27:53

that love is sent on. And so when

1:27:56

we talk about expectations, again, the

1:27:58

goal is not to say, like, beat yourself

1:28:00

up or you know I'll

1:28:02

give myself love when I do all these things that

1:28:04

Joel and Antonia just said on this podcast. No, no.

1:28:06

You want to be able to send and receive love

1:28:09

immediately. This is to increase the quality of the self

1:28:11

love you're sending and receiving. The other thing to remember

1:28:13

is love is a verb. Love

1:28:15

is tied to action. It's tied to

1:28:17

outcome. It's tied to behavior and

1:28:20

real things. Like it's not just something

1:28:22

you sit and ruminate on. You

1:28:24

show yourself love by doing loving

1:28:26

things for yourself and to yourself.

1:28:28

Like you put yourself

1:28:31

in situations that show you love and

1:28:33

you set yourself up. Like getting

1:28:35

good at expanding your attention span and focus

1:28:37

and you're you know maybe sticking on a

1:28:40

more of a rhythm or routine of life.

1:28:42

It's hard. It doesn't feel good. But

1:28:45

that's actually an action that's communicating love to yourself.

1:28:47

It's kind of like self-trust. It's like well if

1:28:49

you say you're gonna do something you don't do

1:28:51

it you're gonna erode self-trust. Well if

1:28:54

you say you love yourself but you're not acting that way, are

1:28:56

you really in a good relationship with

1:28:58

yourself for that love that you naturally

1:29:00

want to send? So I think that's really

1:29:02

important that it's an action focused real-world tangible

1:29:05

thing. It's not just an abstraction. This is

1:29:07

something we can do and measure

1:29:10

based on how we are loving ourselves

1:29:12

in those ways. Yeah I think that's

1:29:14

a really good point. And so make

1:29:16

sure that the signal is clear. Yeah.

1:29:18

Right. The love signal that you're sending

1:29:20

make sure it's clear so that you

1:29:22

can receive it. And

1:29:24

that it will be obvious

1:29:26

through actions. I think that's a

1:29:28

great thing to end on. You want to

1:29:30

be an ENFP that goes a little deeper?

1:29:33

We have our ENFP Owner's Manual that talks

1:29:35

about that car model. It goes way deeper

1:29:37

into a lot of the growth strategies for

1:29:39

your personality type. Whether you're

1:29:41

tuned to career paths and what you should

1:29:43

be doing with your life, relationships and getting

1:29:45

along with other people, or self-identity and understanding

1:29:47

yourself. Those are the three usual areas people

1:29:50

approach personality types with. This

1:29:52

Owner's Manual really goes into the

1:29:54

ENFP personality. And it's an incredible

1:29:56

course. I would recommend going to

1:29:58

personalityhacker.com And getting. In

1:30:00

that owner's manual for your type or any type

1:30:02

if you're a different type, I think that it's

1:30:04

really a fantastic starting point. In.

1:30:06

Your life and in understand your personality more and

1:30:08

how it really impacts your day to day living.

1:30:11

And. Then obviously why you're there on our website at

1:30:13

low fee to come over under this podcast and make

1:30:15

your voice heard. The haven't had a third microphone here

1:30:17

set up. But. You in part of the conversation,

1:30:19

even listening to myself in Antonia Talk or now it's

1:30:21

time for you to come and make your voice or

1:30:24

come over to Personnel hacker.com Below this episode, leave a

1:30:26

comment, ask a question, or more importantly, Sure,

1:30:28

A story from your life may be. Some things

1:30:30

were talking about resonated with you are you struggled

1:30:32

through some stuff we'd like to hear about. those

1:30:34

in a story form. When. Connect To

1:30:36

It. The community at large can connect to it

1:30:38

and I think it be really powerful. expression.

1:30:41

From you to us in the media large

1:30:43

would love to hear from. you know I'd

1:30:45

fanatic a moment of a preseason and gratitude

1:30:47

for you being ah, emotionally honest. Yeah, there

1:30:49

were a couple times that you used examples

1:30:51

from your own life. That. Were night.

1:30:54

Perfectly flattering that they were like

1:30:56

they i less. Of over here in

1:30:58

the I find myself doing that cigarette of revolver

1:31:00

here. so I'm. I'm. Super grateful that

1:31:03

you are willing to do that in the heathens.

1:31:05

You know somebody watching it probably helped really solidify

1:31:07

some things for them. I want to do it

1:31:09

enough be absurd or week as I get a

1:31:11

lot of good feedback from and will accept you

1:31:13

get a year to ten year old Joe and

1:31:15

manager. you really to lend your emotional honesty of

1:31:17

your copilot spoof for what I would use all

1:31:20

time. no I don't I don't know Athena this

1:31:22

fellow smitten So there ya I tend to thank

1:31:24

you to be the year that you know that

1:31:26

the the as the highest echelon of enough to

1:31:28

other yo But I'm not biased it all. Night.

1:31:31

Yeah that live with a little bit I

1:31:33

or. If you enjoyed this podcast he can

1:31:35

subscribe to us I tunes and varied andrew platforms.

1:31:37

If you leave us are reading and reviews to

1:31:39

simply review on I tunes I read it. It

1:31:41

helps us out a lot and gives us a.

1:31:43

Little at sort of the journal and in

1:31:46

the heart to keep going and making these.

1:31:48

podcast because we don't always know i ain't like desist

1:31:50

are you like in it are you dig it are

1:31:52

you somebody with enough the preferences he made it to

1:31:54

the end and the you thought it was good thing

1:31:57

that is now you might be watching us and you

1:31:59

to because We have a video podcast and if you

1:32:01

are, you can like, subscribe, and hit the bell that

1:32:03

lets you know when future episodes come out. And as

1:32:05

Joel mentioned, you can also leave a comment

1:32:08

underneath this video

1:32:12

podcast and let us know what's going

1:32:14

on for you and your world. And as Joel

1:32:16

mentioned, we have owner's manuals for all the types

1:32:18

and we were talking about ENFPs today, but

1:32:21

there is an owner's manual for every personality

1:32:23

type at personalityhacker.com and we highly, highly, highly

1:32:25

recommend you get yourself a copy. It

1:32:27

goes into deep dives, it talks about common challenges

1:32:29

that you might be facing, it talks about

1:32:31

how to stay in your flow state, what that looks like,

1:32:33

how you get into flow with all of your functions,

1:32:36

it talks about some psychological phenomena that

1:32:38

every single type deals with, things

1:32:40

that are called loops and grips,

1:32:43

things that sort of grip our mind and put us at

1:32:45

not our best self, but it also

1:32:47

talks about ways that we can overcome our

1:32:49

fixations and become the best versions of

1:32:51

ourselves. So head over to personalityhacker.com and

1:32:53

pick yourself up a copy of your

1:32:56

owner's manual. Yeah, my name is Joel

1:32:58

Mark Witt. And I'm Antonia Dutch. And

1:33:00

we'll talk with you on the next

1:33:02

Personality Hacker Podcast.