0:04

I will go back to the personality. Hacker Podcast. My name

0:06

is Joe Mark Wit. And I'm Antonio

0:08

Dad's. So we're embarking on a series.

0:10

Going through all the sixteen Myers Briggs

0:12

tapes, there's a lot of pressure. On

0:15

the series and Tony access to do double

0:17

Duty we're going to talk a little bit

0:19

about how to love yourself as each of

0:21

the types. But. We're also

0:23

going to you. Kind. Of understand the

0:26

type through this process so it's kind of has

0:28

to do to functions in the same time. Plus

0:30

we're gonna. Probably. Use clips from

0:32

these in our personal quest program each week.

0:35

To refer to. So it's actually doing

0:37

a three three things all at once.

0:39

This week we want to talk about

0:42

how to love yourself as an Ios

0:44

if p personally type. Or

0:46

it talk about if you are in ios if

0:48

p How to tune into love. But.

0:51

Even if you aren't any us if p this

0:53

is gonna be a great framework for you. Understand

0:55

how? But yes if p mind is wired how

0:57

they learn information, make decisions, And.

0:59

How they can love themselves more so you might have

1:01

somebody in your life that is this personally type that

1:03

you can also offer help to but a true understanding

1:05

of what the yes if p mine looks like. How

1:07

they can love themselves and we're going to find a

1:10

way to apply. How. They can love

1:12

themselves to any personal I type. Also in this episode there's

1:14

a bunch of stuff will want to do in this episode.

1:16

Let's see we can do it. And let's see we can

1:18

do it. In a timely manner He

1:20

can we are toilet? Yes. Appease? Aerial I

1:22

type. These are actually usually action focus people

1:24

right? Yeah. And so we're going

1:26

on harken back to the first podcast in the

1:28

series. That. We recorded

1:30

launches last week about.

1:33

A general formula for loving. Yourself.

1:36

So. I. Did. The

1:38

first premise we shared states.

1:41

Is and what we established in that

1:43

podcast. Is. An. We.

1:46

Don't earn love. And.

1:48

We can't earn our self love. But.

1:51

We can earn a

1:53

good relationship. With ourself

1:55

so. In. a lot in

1:57

a large parts self love comes

1:59

from ring moving obstacles for us

2:02

to experience that free love that we should be

2:05

giving to ourselves that we actually are. All

2:07

of us love ourselves. Even

2:10

when we're depressed, even when we feel like we hate

2:12

ourselves, we're our only travel

2:14

companion throughout life. And we

2:16

have built in sort of

2:19

biological mechanisms to protect ourselves

2:21

and to ensure that we're having a good time

2:23

of it. We don't really want

2:25

anybody else to be in charge of our

2:27

decisions or the things that we do. So

2:30

we actually do have a lot of built-in self-interest,

2:32

and that's a good thing. We want to

2:34

have that. So

2:36

self-love is really about

2:39

feeling the full expression of the

2:41

love that we already have for

2:43

ourselves and removing anything that's going

2:45

to create an impediment

2:48

or an obstacle between ourselves

2:50

and our own love and care for ourselves. So

2:52

that's the first thing we should establish. The

2:55

second is we're going to

2:57

be using personality type as almost like

2:59

a smuggle for self-love. It's

3:02

sometimes really difficult for us to

3:04

appreciate who we are as individuals,

3:07

even if we do have these built-in

3:09

mechanisms to want to look out for

3:11

ourselves and have our own

3:13

back. Sometimes

3:16

we don't match our expectations. Sometimes

3:19

we feel a sense of we're not

3:21

good enough or maybe we've been given

3:23

that message from people in

3:26

our lives, influential people may

3:28

have implanted intentionally

3:31

or unintentionally that we're not worth love.

3:34

And so when we talk about falling

3:36

in love with ourselves as individuals, there

3:38

might be a lot of minds in

3:40

that conversation. There might be a lot

3:42

of things like gatekeepers that come up

3:44

or rationalizations for why

3:46

we – no,

3:49

I shouldn't love myself because … but

3:51

what's nice about type is that it's depersonalizes

3:53

things just enough. It gives us one degree

3:55

of separation just enough so that if we

3:58

can fall in love with our personality …

4:00

which feels a little bit more neutral,

4:03

well, maybe we can start to appreciate

4:05

who we are recognizing those qualities

4:07

and characteristics of the type in ourselves. So

4:09

this is a little bit of a –

4:11

it's a little bit of a smuggle, right?

4:13

If you can fall in love with your type, sometimes

4:16

that can be an access point to falling in love

4:18

with the self. So what type gives us a

4:21

framework to see ourselves without

4:23

being so personal, without taking – almost like we

4:25

can take ourselves not so personally. We're

4:27

able to see this framework and go, okay, that's how

4:29

I'm wired. That's not me. That's just how I'm wired.

4:31

So I can see the things about how I'm wired, and

4:34

I can love them, adjust them, change them, play

4:36

with them, develop them, grow them, whatever

4:38

it might be. And that's the work we

4:40

do often with clients through all of our programs. So

4:43

let's talk a little about this. Last week we also

4:45

talked about this idea of love and relationships and how

4:47

– like this idea

4:49

of love is freely given. And again, go

4:52

listen to the whole episode because it frames a bunch of this out. We don't have time

4:54

to go through it today because I want to get to the straight to the ESFP. But

4:57

love is freely given, right? And

4:59

in a relationship, I freely give you love in

5:02

our relationship, Antonia, but the relationship has some

5:04

metrics. Like I can love you all I want

5:06

all day, but that

5:08

love needs to be turned into a verb. I have to

5:10

express it some way for you to feel it, to know

5:12

it, for you to see it just because I love you

5:14

doesn't mean it's expressed. And then the other thing is that

5:17

that nurturing and maintenance of the relationship is required

5:20

for the relationship to be there. I might still

5:22

love you, but if neither one of us

5:24

are pouring into the relationship, well, that love has nowhere

5:26

to go. And so it ruins the

5:28

relationship we have, not necessarily the love we have.

5:30

So that was the framework we talked about last

5:32

week, and we posited that the same

5:34

works for ourselves. We can freely

5:37

love ourselves, but when

5:39

you love yourself, just like when

5:41

you love somebody else, there's some

5:43

expectation of that relational dynamic. We

5:45

have an expectation of, okay, you love

5:47

me, you're not going to treat me badly. You're

5:49

going to have these showings

5:51

of love toward me and vice versa.

5:53

So we do that with ourselves. I

5:56

have expectations. While I love myself, I

5:58

have self-respect. So I

6:00

love myself. I'll get myself up in the morning and

6:02

put myself onto something that day, productive, because I've chosen

6:04

that's how I show myself love, etc., etc. So

6:07

the marker is you love

6:09

yourself freely. You give love freely to

6:12

yourself, but relationship

6:14

has expectations and management. Great,

6:17

exactly. And part of falling

6:19

in love with yourself is creating

6:23

a sustainable relationship with

6:25

the self, right? Like pouring

6:27

into yourself just like you would be pouring into

6:29

a relationship with somebody else that's important to you.

6:33

And so part of what we'll talk

6:35

about is how to use an understanding

6:37

of your personality type, specifically your cognitive

6:39

functions, to do that, to pour

6:41

into and have a good relationship to

6:43

self, a sustainable relationship. And

6:45

pouring into, like understanding

6:47

our type and understanding how our

6:49

functions, specifically our cognitive functions, show

6:51

up and operate the best, right?

6:54

Giving – like setting them up for success also

6:57

is an act. Like you said, it's a verb. It

6:59

shows love, right? And it's easier for us

7:02

to love people who are showing love to

7:04

us. So a part of this is if

7:07

we can show love to ourselves, it's much

7:09

easier to receive love from ourselves, right? We

7:11

go, oh, this is an easier person to

7:13

love because they're showing me love. We're

7:16

just taking that same dynamic that we

7:18

apply to relationships outside of ourselves to

7:20

ourselves effectively. So the framework we're

7:23

going to look through this as – and I

7:25

don't know where you are listening in your journey

7:27

of understanding personality type. We're going

7:29

to speak to the ESFP personality, but you

7:31

don't have to be ESFP to understand this.

7:33

So that four-letter code, E stands for extrovert

7:36

as opposed to introvert. S stands for

7:38

sensor as opposed to intuitive. N stands

7:40

for intuitive. F

7:42

is feeler versus stinker, and then P

7:44

is perceiver versus judger. So that's what

7:46

we call the dichotomies, that four-letter code.

7:49

Underneath that, this gives

7:51

us a map to how our

7:53

mind is wired, the cognition of our mind,

7:55

the way we learn information, take in information

7:57

in, and how we decide upon that information.

8:00

And we like to look at

8:02

the cognition through the Jungian cognitive functions in

8:05

a simple framework called the car model. So

8:07

just imagine your mind is a four-passenger car. You have a

8:09

driver in the top left side. Well, actually,

8:11

if you have the owner's manual car model from Personality Hacker, that

8:13

would be the fastest thing to do is grab that, pull it out,

8:16

look at it. We also have some references on our website. You can

8:18

go look up. But basically, you have a driver,

8:20

copilot, 10-year-old, and 3-year-old in this car model format for a

8:22

quadrant. You can look it up on our website to follow

8:24

along. I recommend doing that, so I don't have to explain

8:26

the whole thing right now. And

8:29

that's the framework we're going to go through. We're going to

8:31

talk about the driver, copilot, 10-year-old, 3-year-old. And we're going to

8:33

look at an ESFP. How do they

8:35

use this framework? And again, just reference your

8:37

car model if you're an ESFP in the

8:39

pH stuff. How do you use

8:41

this framework to create self-love for you? So

8:44

let's jump into this. We can start with the driver, what's

8:47

technically called the dominant cognitive

8:49

function energy. ESFPs use

8:51

a function called extroverted sensing. We've nicknamed it

8:53

sensations about the present moment. It's

8:56

about being tied to the here and now with a single perspective.

8:58

Often it's associated with lots of action, direct action,

9:00

although it doesn't have to be. It could be

9:03

presence too. But this is

9:05

what is the driver or dominant way

9:07

an ESFP moves through the entire world.

9:09

It's like the water that they swim

9:11

in if they were a fish. And

9:14

so let's talk about this. How can an

9:16

ESFP use this driver extroverted sensing sensation? What

9:18

does this look like for self-love? Yeah,

9:21

so as we go through each of these

9:23

functions, and as Joel mentioned, you

9:25

can go look up resources on our website. We

9:28

also have entire podcasts about the ESFP

9:30

personalities. So please feel free to listen

9:32

to those if you want to get a bit of a

9:34

deeper dive into the type itself and

9:36

some characteristics and traits that tend to follow the

9:38

type. But since we're diving

9:40

straight into these functions, a piece

9:43

of this concept of building

9:46

a sustainable relationship, we

9:49

build a sustainable relationship with other

9:51

people by having reasonable expectations,

9:53

but also appropriate expectations. And

9:56

a part of what

9:59

we'll talk about as well. we go through each

10:01

of these functions is what is a reasonable expectation.

10:04

So when it comes to our driver function, this

10:06

is our, this is a

10:08

major part of a relationship to ourselves.

10:11

This is who we see ourselves. This is how we

10:13

usually describe ourselves to other people.

10:16

If we hear descriptions of whatever

10:18

is the cognitive function in this

10:20

driver position, we'll go, Oh

10:22

yeah, that's me. And it's the same

10:24

with ESFPs and extroverted

10:26

sensing or sensation. So if

10:28

this is a big part of how

10:30

we see ourselves, and

10:33

it also happens to be the

10:35

strongest, most certain aspect

10:37

of our personality, it,

10:40

it follows that we

10:42

don't want to have

10:44

overly permissive expectations for

10:46

ourselves here. This is

10:48

our best. This is the best we can give.

10:50

This is how we see ourselves showing up at

10:53

our best. So if we

10:55

end up with an indulgent relationship to this

10:57

function, if we end up not

11:00

pushing ourselves or we

11:02

don't, you know, get all the juice

11:04

from the squeeze. Our

11:07

inner wisdom tells us that this is a

11:09

major part of what we bring to the world. This

11:11

is, this is our best. And

11:14

if we don't honor that

11:16

this is a major part of

11:18

how we show up and give, you

11:20

know, give to both ourselves

11:22

and others, primarily ourselves,

11:25

we give to ourselves by observing

11:28

this part of who we are,

11:30

you know, show up and

11:32

solve problems, get into

11:34

reaction, you know, get, get into action

11:36

and respond, particularly for

11:38

extroverted sensing or sensation. This is a

11:41

function that can do truly astonishing

11:43

things, right? As onlookers, we're always

11:45

like really impressed when an ESFP

11:48

does their, whatever they do the best that

11:50

they do. And a part of that is

11:53

because they throw themselves into things wholeheartedly. When

11:55

they have an interest. I mean, I have

11:57

seen so many ESFPs go. I

12:00

think I want to learn the guitar and

12:02

pick it up and start playing with it. And then in

12:04

six months, they're now like teaching it to other people. Or

12:07

they, you know, they go, I think I want to

12:09

go travel. And then all of a sudden you discover

12:11

that they've like hit seven countries and you

12:14

know, like they've had this extraordinary

12:16

adventure. If, if a ESFP

12:20

doesn't optimize this part of who

12:22

they are, if they don't have higher expectations for

12:25

this part of who they are, their

12:27

confidence is going to suffer. Yeah. It's

12:29

almost like being in a relationship with

12:31

somebody else where you know, they, you

12:33

can see them at their best in

12:35

your mind's eye. You can totally see

12:37

how they could be doing like these amazing

12:40

things. But they kind of

12:42

shrug and don't do anything. Right? They

12:44

don't really do anything about it. They go, yeah,

12:46

I could do that someday, but they don't actually

12:48

get there. Doesn't mean

12:50

you stop loving the person, but there's a part

12:52

that's a little disappointed that they're going

12:54

too easy on themselves. So I

12:57

think really building that

12:59

sustainable, good, long-term relationship with the

13:01

self or an ESFP is

13:04

making sure that whatever has captured their

13:06

extroverted sensing or sensations fancy, whatever skills

13:08

they want to build, whatever adventures they

13:11

want to have, whatever kind of

13:13

relationship they want to have with their body, that

13:16

they're on it, that they're doing it, that they're

13:18

setting reasonable, but

13:20

not, you

13:23

know, like not underselling themselves.

13:25

And their expectations for this function. So let's land

13:27

this in a real way. ESFPs,

13:29

extroverted sensing, sensation. The challenge with this is

13:31

there's not a lot of outlet for it

13:33

in our modern world. There's not a lot

13:36

of need for it, like in

13:38

a real pragmatic way. We often will

13:40

channel into things like sports or meditation

13:43

or yoga, or it usually

13:45

has to have some discipline. It's not like you're out

13:47

climbing trees with this energy as much. I

13:49

mean, kids that have it do, but we don't, as a culture, we

13:51

don't, we don't like climb trees as a culture anymore.

13:53

Kids aren't out climbing trees. They're in their bedrooms on TikTok,

13:55

like all kids, but all kids used to climb trees 50,

13:57

60 years ago. So

14:00

this energy is no longer – my children,

14:02

they lived in Baltimore City. They didn't get

14:04

to go out to recess during their grade

14:06

school years. They didn't have any extroverted sensing

14:08

involvement. So the one thing is

14:10

it's really easy to let this slide

14:12

because there's no cultural place where this

14:14

goes except for sports or

14:17

proper really channeled, pointed things.

14:19

There's no just general expression of this

14:21

anymore that our culture has. So

14:24

if you're not a sports person and this is

14:26

your dominant function, you don't have a place to channel

14:28

it like that is appropriate culturally, it's

14:30

easy to go, well, I guess I'll just indulge then. There's

14:32

nowhere for it to go, so I'll just indulge. But I

14:34

think that that is not having

14:36

good expectations for yourself. Like

14:39

good expectations for somebody that leads

14:41

with sensation is, well, if

14:43

the culture doesn't provide for it, that means I have to

14:45

provide for it because that's my hero of myself showing up

14:47

to the world. I'm going to go ahead and be the

14:49

hero of my own story, and I'm

14:51

going to deliberately step into this energy even though maybe I'm not

14:53

wired for the way the culture wants me to go with it

14:55

because it's got a very particular way. I'm

14:57

not going to be a first responder. I'm not going to be a

15:00

sports person. I'm going to divert into

15:02

whatever interests me, but execute on it,

15:04

take control of it. So

15:06

I think indulgence is probably the

15:08

biggest thing that can hijack this for

15:10

any SFP, this part of them. And

15:13

it can ruin the expectation you can have for yourself

15:15

here. So what

15:17

is the proper – is

15:19

there a way an SFP can think about this?

15:21

That seems very abstract, Joel. Land

15:24

that more tangibly. How can an SFP that's listening

15:26

right now go, okay, I want to

15:28

self-love. How do I tune in this energy and actually apply it

15:30

to myself so I can show myself love? I

15:32

think what you just mentioned is so dead-on.

15:34

A lot of times it's

15:37

giving themselves permission to show up more

15:39

expressive. You even mentioned like,

15:41

well, culture doesn't really have a need for

15:43

this as much. I actually think

15:45

culture has a massive growing need, and I

15:47

know what you're saying is that… Yeah, but they don't signal they

15:50

have the need. They don't signal they have

15:52

the need. That's right. And in times past, we had

15:54

way more obvious need for this because

15:57

we caught our own food, and we lived

15:59

a more… more present life and we had,

16:01

I mean, there were so many more

16:05

opportunities for this function to really shine. And

16:07

now, like you said, it's a little bit

16:10

more compartmentalized and it's like, okay, cool, but

16:12

I'm not into parkour. Maybe I'm like in

16:14

my 70s now and I'm in ESFP.

16:16

What am I supposed to do? And

16:19

the first thing is give

16:21

yourself permission to have

16:25

that expressive part

16:27

of you come out in whatever way

16:29

makes sense to you or whatever way

16:31

captures your fancy. That

16:34

can be a free-spirited nature, right? That can

16:36

be somebody who tries out lots of different

16:38

things and gives yourself permission to do that.

16:40

It could be somebody who leaves a situation that's

16:42

bad for you even though everybody else says that

16:45

it's irresponsible. It could be like,

16:47

no, I'm going to allow myself to take a

16:49

new opportunity. I'm going to allow myself to get

16:51

into action when it makes sense for me to

16:53

get into action and express myself physically. Maybe

16:56

I do want to climb a tree, right? Maybe

16:59

it's letting other people climb trees

17:01

and championing other

17:03

people, maybe children's desire

17:05

for free play. And

17:09

it's like, well, no, that's unsafe. And it's like, maybe it's your

17:11

job to go, well, no, they need that. They need

17:13

a moment of that. So in

17:15

some ways, it's like championing the function

17:17

itself. It's understanding its importance

17:20

in society, even if society pushes back and

17:22

goes, well, we don't need that. The

17:25

hell you don't need it, of course you need it.

17:27

In fact, it's missing so much right now. And

17:30

we do as a culture, like you said,

17:32

we tend to indulge it too. We

17:34

indulge it through –

17:36

sometimes we'll indulge it with food. Well,

17:40

I want the sensory experience

17:42

of eating. So maybe I might be doing

17:44

too much eating. Well, you could

17:46

turn that around and maybe start learning how to

17:49

cook. And so as opposed

17:51

to just being a consumer and quote unquote

17:53

feeding this part of you, maybe

17:55

you're creating with this part of you. And

17:58

so whatever it is that you tend

18:00

to indulge – Can you transfer that

18:02

as just a consumption frame an indulgent

18:04

consumption frame and more be a creative

18:06

expressive frame? And you know and

18:08

and most people who have ease of P preferences They

18:11

know the things that are interesting to them. They know

18:13

what they like, right? And so it's a matter of

18:15

giving yourself permission to fully express

18:17

that Yeah, so if you're an

18:20

ESFP or you have any SFP personnel in

18:22

your life This I

18:24

this idea of their driver that your driver

18:26

if you're a SFP the sensation

18:28

process This is something that man you cannot ignore.

18:30

It is so much a part of you If

18:33

you're at a context that tells you it's bad and wrong

18:35

You need to really look at that context right if you're

18:37

in a situation where you have to sit down and learn

18:40

and it's just Not your style you'd rather be up learning

18:42

hands-on That's how

18:44

you're wired you're supposed to be in a more

18:46

hands-on learning environment You're gonna always struggle with if

18:48

this is how you're like this is how you're

18:50

wired You're gonna most likely always struggle with just

18:52

sitting still and learning and from a book You

18:55

are designed to be up and active and engaging

18:57

with your real-world environment Yeah, that's how your design

18:59

is in the SFP Well, and if you've got

19:02

a job that forces you into say cubicle or

19:04

you're sitting all day I'm

19:06

not necessarily suggesting that you quit your job.

19:08

Although that might be something you've been Reminating

19:11

on and go like maybe I do need to do that

19:13

and find something that's a little more active I'm not

19:15

necessarily suggesting that though, but if you

19:17

do find yourself in a situation where

19:19

you are You know

19:22

overly sitting or you know, like like

19:24

bound to a chair Yeah Then give

19:26

yourself permission to have very active hobbies

19:29

Give yourself permission to go do things that are

19:31

like like peak your interest that you that

19:33

you don't just go Well, maybe I'll join the

19:35

class later or maybe like like procrastination is the

19:37

worst thing an ESFP can do direct

19:40

action Okay, so showing self-love with this

19:42

part of yourself as an ESFP. We

19:44

talked about direct action We talked about putting things giving yourself

19:46

permission to put things on terms that make sense to you

19:49

how you move through the world Maybe

19:51

not just letting indulgence happen, but keep your

19:53

eye or finger on the pulse of okay

19:55

Am I actively doing something or am I

19:58

passively allowing my indulgences to come up? Am

20:00

I creating things or am I just consuming them?

20:02

And so those are some proper – well, we

20:04

would encourage after doing years of coaching, we're not

20:06

telling you what to do. But we are saying

20:09

those are probably pretty – those are good expectations

20:11

to have for yourself as an ESFP for your

20:13

driver or dominant process. Now, you were

20:15

talking about creativity. There's a part of the

20:17

ESFP. Let's go over to the co-pilot now. Now,

20:21

extroverted sensing or sensation is how an ESFP

20:23

learns or takes information. In

20:25

the co-pilot of introverted feeling, we've nicknamed

20:27

it authenticity. This is how

20:29

an ESFP makes their best decisions. This is

20:31

about inner alignment,

20:34

core values, motivations,

20:37

desire, expression,

20:40

performance, almost

20:42

like your body and your emotion. And

20:44

every essence of you is a physical

20:47

communication to the world about who you are

20:49

and how you show up. And

20:52

it's a very expressive part. Often

20:54

ESFPs find themselves expressing, whether

20:57

it's through physical motion like sport

20:59

or athleticism, or it's through arts or

21:01

performance or writing or

21:04

theater. There's something that really

21:06

draws ESFPs, almost all

21:08

of them, toward this expressive part. And it

21:10

comes from this co-pilot. So as

21:13

we talk about how to love yourself in

21:15

this aspect of a personality, how

21:18

do we think about the authenticity process? I

21:21

actually think that ESFPs are so well-suited

21:24

to performance because the expression comes from

21:26

both the driver and the co-pilot. Both

21:28

of those functions – The balance. That's

21:30

right. Want to express. And

21:33

oftentimes, I mean, I know a

21:35

disproportionately high number of ESFP teachers, particularly

21:38

for younger students, younger children.

21:42

Because getting into teaching in a

21:44

physically expressive way of teaching is a

21:46

major – that's a draw. There's a

21:48

lot of attraction there. My

21:51

ESFP cousin teaches third grade. He taught it –

21:53

he's like in his 40s. He's taught his whole

21:55

career. Loves it. He's good at it. And the

21:58

kids love him. it

22:00

works all the way down. So authenticity,

22:02

introverted feeling or authenticity, that

22:04

co-pilot or auxiliary function, it's

22:08

a function that you

22:10

mentioned, it's introverted feeling.

22:14

It knows how it's being impacted by things.

22:17

It's tuned in and honed in on what

22:19

it likes and dislikes, what

22:22

is important, what is an important

22:24

crusade or a campaign. It's

22:27

a function that's very much tied to intentions

22:29

and motivations and drives and what means something

22:31

for me as an individual, like being really

22:33

in touch with who I am and what

22:35

I want. Because

22:38

it's a co-pilot function, there's

22:42

a model that was

22:44

presented by Dr. John Beebe called

22:47

the eight function model, which we've talked about in the

22:49

podcast before. One of the

22:51

things that John says is distinctive

22:54

between these two positions, the

22:56

dominant auxiliary of what we call driver and co-pilot,

22:59

is that the driver function is more about your

23:01

relationship to yourself, but the co-pilot

23:03

function is more about your relationship to other people,

23:06

or at least we instinctively use it that

23:08

way. He calls it parental energy. One

23:12

of the ways that an ESFP

23:14

can build a

23:16

lot of appreciation for themselves, which of

23:19

course is an avenue to maintaining that

23:21

sense of self-love, is

23:23

to watch themselves contribute. When

23:25

we contribute and show up for society,

23:27

when we contribute and watch ourselves help

23:29

other people, it gives us

23:32

immense self-satisfaction. It makes us

23:34

appreciate and honor ourselves as

23:36

contributors. And so part of

23:38

what we can do with this co-pilot and part

23:40

of what an ESFP can do with this co-pilot

23:43

function is watch

23:45

themselves help

23:47

and assist others with

23:49

their own feelings and authenticity,

23:52

with their own identity, and what's important

23:54

to them. You can see this with ESFPs. You

23:57

know, I mentioned teachers. I've seen this in other

24:00

contexts as well. But I've seen

24:03

teachers with this type preference

24:05

really give permission to like

24:07

the children they teach or the people they

24:09

teach to to be

24:11

themselves, right? To show up as weird

24:13

and kooky or maybe you know maybe

24:17

the opposite maybe just like very you know basic

24:20

and mundane or whatever is like that

24:22

person whatever is honest for that person

24:26

inspiring them at the minimum but

24:28

maybe sometimes directly communicating you are

24:30

allowed to be yourself you are

24:32

allowed to be a person having

24:34

a human experience and

24:37

when others

24:39

are inspired by this when they when

24:41

they feel this sense of permission to

24:43

yeah I guess I am my own

24:45

unique person an

24:47

ESFP can get an

24:49

extraordinary self-satisfaction out of

24:51

encouraging others to find that part

24:53

of themselves. You be you is kind

24:56

of the energy they give out. It's like a permissive

24:58

thing like be who you need to be. I've

25:00

noticed that a lot of ESFPs can they can sit with

25:02

a lot of strong emotion too like they can just sit

25:04

and be present with people emoting and expressing

25:07

and they can hang there because strong

25:09

emotion doesn't necessarily bother most ESFPs if

25:11

they're relatively healthy you know in their

25:14

development they're mature like maybe younger people

25:16

might be triggered by it but ESFPs

25:19

have a lot of capacity for this. So

25:21

there's this showing up then energy you're talking about of

25:24

giving to other people this permission to be whoever

25:26

they are I don't care who you are you

25:28

be you in fact the more authentic you show

25:30

up the more I kind of like you the

25:33

ESFP might say to somebody else so if you're an ESFP listening

25:35

you probably have that experience you're like I just

25:37

don't want people to be two-faced like just be honest

25:40

just show up as your real self and

25:42

I'm cool the thing I can't stand

25:44

is two-faced I don't want somebody to be two-faced

25:47

so I would say that to the ESFP listening right now

25:50

is are you being two-faced if if

25:53

that's how you find a way to love

25:55

other people and say I like that about

25:57

people when they're not being duplicitous have

25:59

you turn that around to yourself to say,

26:02

wait a minute, am I doing the very thing I

26:04

would be very offended by somebody else doing? And

26:07

that can really undermine self-love if you are. You got

26:09

it. That's exactly it.

26:12

And there's a lot to

26:14

be said for ESFPs needing

26:18

to tap into their own sense of conscience

26:20

and their own sense of values. And

26:23

this is the part of them, again, it's instinctively

26:25

used for others, but that doesn't

26:27

mean an ESFP can't use it for

26:29

themselves. And when they're being, like you said,

26:32

it's like, are you being too faced? What

26:35

is being too faced? Too faced is like not

26:37

being honest with what is important to you, not

26:39

being honest with your values, not living

26:41

in alignment or congruence

26:43

with the things that are important to you. And

26:46

just to be clear, it's not just being dishonest. It's a

26:48

little bit like being dishonest, but it's allowing other people to

26:51

believe whatever they want to that puts you in a good

26:53

light potentially. And being, quote

26:55

unquote, being too faced is not necessarily lying

26:57

or being directly dishonest. And that's a little bit

27:00

– it's inauthentic is really what's happening. And

27:02

that's what ESFPs would not like about somebody

27:05

else. Yeah, exactly. So using

27:07

this function to maintain and establish a

27:10

good relationship with the self is

27:12

in two parts. Like you mentioned, the first

27:14

one is making sure that you're

27:16

not being too faced with yourself, right? Like you're

27:18

not lying to yourself in the sense of like,

27:20

oh, it's okay that I'm doing this or rationalizing

27:23

things that are not good for the self or

27:25

not honest or just letting everybody else think what

27:27

they want to think, but you actually are doing

27:29

– you've got another agenda going on. Making

27:33

sure that you know what's important to you, maybe

27:36

even are on like some little crusade.

27:38

It doesn't have to be that you're like on this

27:40

major crusade of correcting everybody, but it could just be

27:42

something that's important to you that you're focused on. Like this

27:45

is important to me, so I'm going to stay congruent

27:47

with this thing. It could be something

27:49

as simple as like, I'm passionate about

27:52

teaching. I'm passionate about performing. I'm

27:54

passionate about the arts. I'm passionate

27:56

about Bodybuilding and how important that is

27:58

or I'm passionate about. I've.

28:00

Actually about you know the environment or whatever

28:02

it is, but that you have a passion

28:04

and that you're staying honest and true with

28:07

it. Or maybe it's spirituality or maybe it's

28:09

like to serve value system. And staying can

28:11

grow. It's your value system. For. All of

28:13

that is a major part of how he is

28:15

of p Learn to trust themselves. And.

28:18

Fall deeper and deeper into a positive

28:20

relationship to the cells. And. On the

28:22

other side when they do that. And

28:24

there's such a wonderful model for. Authenticity

28:27

and staying in rural with your values

28:29

and virtues and living in may be

28:31

an iconoclast dick life that's just right

28:33

for you. Then you'd their

28:35

inspiring others to do that. And

28:38

now the Isaf p not only

28:40

see like like respect themselves but

28:42

also seized themselves. As a contributor

28:44

to society, observes the positive impact

28:47

they have on others and that

28:49

helps them rest more and more

28:51

into that selfless feel. So.

28:54

Overrated. Move over to the funeral and tertiary. Okay so

28:56

to control the tertiary but let's move on to serve

28:59

you if you have your present for car model in

29:01

front of you for the use of p. Us

29:04

we have driver dominant copilot auxiliary. You

29:06

move down into the ten year old

29:08

or tertiary process. This is the mental

29:10

process is also decision making process. Now.

29:13

We call a ten year old because it's It's about

29:15

the ah certainty level of a ten year old As

29:17

a moose. The world there can be skill Bill here.

29:20

Competence. Kabila. hear your job by put you

29:22

hear business of be. However,

29:24

there's a little bit of an uncertainty whether

29:27

you are. Doing well or not

29:29

with this part of yourself. So this

29:31

is called extroverted thinking and technical name

29:33

it we nicknamed it effectiveness. Spot

29:36

Accomplishing things in the World About leadership

29:38

About making things happen. What What The

29:40

Ask the question. What works by deliverables?

29:42

Timeline Schedules doing things and accomplishing things

29:44

on a time when in the outer

29:46

world. That's. Really what this is about?

29:48

Worth thinking about things. In.

29:50

a tangible expressed way a miata role does

29:53

not like internal logic or theoretical math reading

29:55

would be like practical math for example or

29:57

anything like that so it's a practical out

30:00

focused function and it's thinking,

30:02

it's not just

30:05

about being effective. This can be a

30:07

captivating part of the ESFP's

30:09

personality. This can actually kind of, if you're an

30:11

ESFP or you have somebody in your life, you

30:14

probably spend a lot of time thinking about this. This

30:16

is probably something that you have a consciousness of but

30:19

a little bit of an uncertainty around. You

30:21

might even have some proficiency here. But

30:24

because of that, because you might even

30:26

have some skill but the uncertainty that

30:28

comes behind that, it's

30:30

almost like you want to move through the world and

30:32

prove yourself. And you need feedback from the world to

30:34

say, hey, you did that right. That was good. You

30:37

did a good job because you don't really know if

30:39

you did a good job or not unless the world

30:42

gives you feedback. To make it even worse, it's an

30:44

extroverted function that's focused on the world's feedback and the

30:46

deliverables in the world. So it only exacerbates the challenge.

30:49

So I think in ESFP, this is the world looking

30:51

for self-love. How do I love myself? This

30:53

is where you can find a lot of ways not to

30:55

love yourself. This is the part of you that you might

30:57

beat up a lot. This is the part of you that

30:59

you put a lot of pressure on yourself for. This

31:02

is the part of you that will allow yourself to get burned out

31:04

because you're just going to go and go and go. I

31:06

can do it all. You're uncertain how much you

31:09

can actually do and you take on too much and then you

31:11

burn out and then you're frustrated and you beat yourself up and

31:13

you lose self-love. So this part –

31:15

when we get to the 10-year-old and this is for all

31:17

types, it's just – this is the unique way it shows

31:19

up for ESFPs. This is insidious.

31:21

This can definitely rob us of self-love. So as

31:23

we tune into this, how can we think about

31:26

the principles here? What are the proper expectations for

31:28

this part of ourselves? Yes,

31:30

exactly. So developing

31:33

a really strong relationship to self,

31:35

anytime we get to that 10-year-old function,

31:38

we do have to start modifying our

31:40

expectations. The first few functions for

31:42

the driver and the co-pilot, we actually

31:44

should have relatively high expectations for ourselves. In

31:46

fact, that's a part of staying in good

31:48

relationship is that we have high expectations and

31:50

we work hard to match them. That

31:53

helps us give ourselves self-confidence,

31:55

self-trust. We

31:57

get a sense of self-worth. contribution.

32:02

When we get to this 10 year old or the tertiary

32:04

function, it's like you mentioned, it's the first time

32:06

we start to become really uncertain and that

32:09

uncertainty like you mentioned gives us an

32:11

over almost over compensating energy

32:13

to it. We do want

32:16

we want validation cookies for anything that

32:18

happens here. Yeah. And it's because we're seeking

32:20

a sense of like did I do that

32:22

right? Did I do that right? This

32:25

is also in Dr. John BB's eight

32:27

function model. This is also part of

32:29

our relation relating to others. And

32:32

so the co-pilot and the 10

32:34

year old both both authenticity introverted feeling

32:36

and effectiveness extroverted thinking both

32:38

of these functions they're

32:41

looking to engage with the outside

32:43

world. They're looking to find ways to show

32:45

up for other people or at least show

32:47

up so that other people are noticing. And

32:52

this particular function like you mentioned I

32:54

think you said it perfectly one of

32:56

the ways that that can show up

32:59

really for an ESFP is just being

33:01

constant action, activity, go, make things happen,

33:04

don't slow down. Look

33:06

I built a business or I built

33:08

a you know I built this thing

33:10

or I'm accomplishing this. It's like it's

33:12

about accomplishments and maybe even being impressive

33:14

in this way. Maybe

33:17

it's a desire to

33:19

make progress maybe sometimes too quickly, right?

33:21

Get to the end or make it

33:23

happen a little too fast. Maybe

33:26

sort of push your way or bully your way

33:28

into an outcome. Maybe

33:30

bully yourself into an outcome really. And

33:32

so because there's these

33:35

high expectations for this function with

33:37

less certainty or capacity associated with

33:40

it, this is like you

33:42

mentioned where an ESFP can really start beating themselves

33:44

up. So a more

33:46

reasonable expectation is to

33:48

say well what are kids really good

33:50

at, right? Is it impressing all

33:52

of the adults or is it

33:55

impressing their parents? Yeah. Right. You're gonna have

33:57

an easier time impressing your parents than you

33:59

are impressing... other adults because other

34:01

adults may or may not care that much. But your

34:04

parents, man, they get impressed all the time. So

34:06

one of the ways that it – Well,

34:08

your parents are impressed with themselves through you. It's

34:10

really what's happening. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

34:14

So a way to use

34:16

this function not to beat yourself

34:18

up, not to always be seeking validation

34:20

cookies from other people, not to be

34:23

demoralized. You're never quite ever going to

34:25

get there part of yourself. One

34:27

of the best ways you can use this to

34:29

build a stronger relationship to yourself is to

34:32

have it support the parental energy of

34:34

introverted feeling or authenticity. And

34:36

that is not be building things so that

34:38

they impress everybody else and everybody else thinks you're

34:40

cool, but build things that

34:43

impress yourself and that are part

34:45

of your own intention. Introverted

34:49

feeling or authenticity that copilot sets intentions

34:51

and it's motivated towards things. When

34:54

it really checks in with the self, it knows what it

34:57

wants. And that's

34:59

a big part of an ESFP, finding

35:01

a good relationship to self is taking

35:03

the time to journal out,

35:05

to do meditation, to be

35:10

watching their responses and reactions to the

35:12

kinds of things that they're experiencing and be focused on the

35:14

self in those moments to go, this is what I want.

35:16

This is how I want to spend my days. This is

35:18

what's important to me. This is my crusade.

35:22

Once that's locked in, once that's known, now

35:24

that 10 year old of extroverted thinking or

35:26

effectiveness can get to making a plan and

35:28

working a plan. And so now

35:31

it's doing so in behalf of that introverted

35:33

feeling awareness of self. So

35:36

if that happens, what's nice

35:38

is that oftentimes because

35:40

ESFPs tend to be people who

35:42

are empathetic, they tend to be

35:44

people people, almost always the

35:46

crusade has to do with serving other people.

35:49

And so now you're watching yourself build and

35:51

make progress towards something that's important to you.

35:54

And it almost always is important, is impressive

35:56

to other people as well. But

35:58

that's not the sole reason why you're here. doing it.

36:00

So when an ESFP can get

36:02

that co-pilot and 10-year-old function

36:05

set, that polarity, when they can get

36:07

them in balance, when they can have

36:09

the effectiveness be serving authenticity, they

36:12

find themselves accomplishing

36:15

both greater self-appreciation

36:17

and self-love, and also

36:19

getting the validation from the outside world through

36:22

their contribution. And so it hits

36:24

both sides, right? They both get the validation cookies

36:27

they wanted, but not because they were seeking

36:29

them. They weren't doing

36:32

it for that reason, so they weren't ignoring

36:35

the self, right? They weren't just doing

36:37

what everybody else told them they were supposed to do

36:39

or wanted for them. They're bringing

36:41

themselves into the equation and going, no, I'm building

36:43

towards something I want. And now

36:45

they get everything. Yeah. So again, I'm just

36:48

going to go back through it. The driver,

36:51

how to love yourself, ESFP, driver of

36:53

extroverted sensing sensation, it's have proper expectations. You

36:55

probably can have pretty high expectations for yourself

36:57

there. You have a lot of capacity.

37:00

So expect better. I mean, I'm kind of

37:02

joking, but expect better of yourself there because

37:05

that's something you can rise the occasion and

37:07

just keep scaling up indefinitely.

37:10

You have a lot of certainty. You've got a lot of competence.

37:13

Stretch. That doesn't mean burn it

37:15

out. Yes. But

37:17

still push it to

37:19

a point where you feel self-confidence, not where

37:21

you feel burnout. But it's almost like a

37:24

golf game. I'm not competing against anybody. I'm just

37:27

trying to out – I'm trying to increase the

37:29

capacity of this. But we

37:31

talked about this. If you're looking at that

37:33

car model from your ESFP personality, on the

37:35

left side, we call that this mind of

37:38

relating to self. And on the right side, and this is

37:40

where I want to go, is the co-pilot now, again, that

37:42

parental energy you might be giving out to other people, we're

37:45

saying is you can turn that around and start to

37:47

– what it means to grow your co-pilot as an

37:50

ESFP in that introverted feeling or authenticity is, well,

37:52

use the parent to self as well. And the part of you

37:54

to parent you should start with is

37:56

that extroverted thinking affected this part

37:58

of you. that wants to prove

38:01

itself, that little 10-year-old tertiary part, oh, I want

38:03

to do a lot of problems, parent that part

38:05

of you. If that part of you

38:07

is parented, that is going to really show up for

38:09

you. You have

38:11

things in proper balance of self-love here. That

38:14

is now in service of the copilot, the 10-year-old.

38:16

Now, let's bounce back over to the left

38:18

side of that car model. If you're looking at the

38:20

diagram in front of you, on the left side at

38:23

the top is sensation at the driver position, but right

38:25

below sensation is a three-year-old process. We've

38:27

nicknamed it perspectives. It's

38:30

technically called the inferior cognitive function here.

38:33

Its technical name is introverted intuition. This

38:35

is all about future projections.

38:39

It's all about understanding the deep meaning of

38:41

something, taking multiple perspectives. If

38:43

extroverted sensing sensation is about a single

38:45

perspective, the hearing now, what I'm actually

38:47

experiencing in this moment, perspectives

38:50

is the opposite of that. It's taking multiple

38:52

perspectives from multiple timelines,

38:54

multiple mindsets, multiple worldviews, simultaneously

38:57

in a way, and wants to

38:59

see things from all the different angles. Now, you

39:01

as an ESFP listening, if you have somebody in your life, this is going

39:04

to be a deeply uncertain part of you. You

39:06

have it. You might even have

39:08

skill here. You might have this intuitive process.

39:10

It's perceiving. It's taking in information.

39:12

You might even like it. You might have a little bit

39:14

of a relationship with it. Maybe you've got some skill built

39:17

there a little bit, but that uncertainty is

39:19

about the development of a three-year-old. Sometimes

39:22

three-year-olds are very certain. They charge into the room with a

39:24

little toddler and say, this is how the world works. They're

39:26

very certain of themselves, whether they're right

39:28

or not. Sometimes they're very uncertain. They don't

39:30

know what's going on. They're just trying to figure their

39:32

world out. It's kind of like hit or miss. The

39:34

same thing with this part of us. All of us

39:36

have a three-year-old, you as an ESFP. It's this perspectives

39:38

process. To

39:41

love yourself here, the first thing I would say, it

39:43

kind of seems obvious is take the

39:45

pressure off. Just be gentle. This

39:47

is a little toddler part of us. Yet,

39:50

here's the thing, and this happens to everyone, not just ESFPs.

39:52

We all beat this part of us up kind of as

39:54

well, just like that 10-year-old. We go after this part. Why

39:56

don't you do better? Why are you so uncertain?

40:00

I feel vulnerable here. I don't like this.

40:02

You always are kind of crapping

40:04

on yourself, and it's not very self-loving

40:06

to do that. Well, I

40:08

think what ends up happening a lot

40:10

of times is there's a denial of

40:13

this part of the self. And so

40:15

there's a whole really important element of

40:17

our ego, like of our

40:19

– like what

40:21

makes up the cognitive wiring

40:24

that we just kind of go, yeah, no, I'm not

40:26

doing that. And so

40:28

there's a lot of denial. And

40:31

any time we don't accept an

40:33

element of ourselves into our

40:35

relating to self, any

40:37

time we go, yeah, I'm

40:40

just not going to look at that part of who we are, we end

40:43

up feeling fractured. We end

40:45

up not really feeling like we have a whole

40:47

relationship. It's kind of like – it's like your

40:51

husband or wife or their partner has

40:53

a flaw that you just frankly refuse

40:55

to look at. You just will not acknowledge that

40:57

flaw. In fact, you won't engage with that part

41:00

of who they are. And

41:02

so now the person that you're in a relationship with

41:04

feels a little dehumanized, right? Well,

41:07

but this is part of who I am, so why are

41:09

you ignoring it? I know it's not the best part of

41:11

me, but if you pretend it

41:13

doesn't exist, well, now I'm just in an

41:15

ivory tower or something. Now you're like not seeing

41:17

a complete picture of me. And

41:20

so that's what we do to the self is that we won't – if

41:22

we completely push it away, we won't see a complete

41:24

picture. Like you said, though, ESFPs

41:27

can actually have – I mean if

41:29

you're an ESFP watching this video or

41:31

listening to this podcast, you probably actually

41:34

do have a relationship with this part of who you are. This

41:37

is the intuitive part, and that's why you kind of

41:39

like intuitive stuff, right? And we're in

41:41

– this is a very intuitive conversation with

41:43

a relatively intuitive system. So you probably are

41:45

a person who has – it's not pushing

41:47

this away. You actually enjoy this. That

41:50

said, if you push

41:53

it away, you'll

41:55

deal with a lack of self-love because you've pushed

41:57

it away if you embrace it.

42:00

wish it were better,

42:02

you'll create an impediment to self-love

42:04

by having too high of expectations for it.

42:06

So you need to integrate

42:09

this part. You need to build a relationship

42:11

with it. But like you

42:13

said, dial the pressure down. Don't

42:17

beat yourself up if you're not as good at this

42:19

thing as like say another person that has it

42:21

stronger or higher up in their functions.

42:23

So the key word here is expectation.

42:27

What is the proper expectation as you open up your

42:29

car model and you look at it as an ESFP?

42:33

What's the expectation of your driver, expectation of

42:35

co-pilot, expectation of a 10-year-old? We'll get

42:37

to this point. The expectation is don't

42:39

have a lot of expectation. Don't

42:42

have low expectations of yourself here. I don't think that's what we're

42:44

saying. We just don't have such

42:46

a high standard that this part of you has

42:48

to hit in order to be loved and lovable.

42:52

And again, we talked about this on the last episode

42:54

and we framed all this is setting up a reward

42:56

system of love for proper behavior of self is not

42:59

a very good way to love the self. To

43:01

say, well, I'm an ESFP and until this part

43:04

of me starts performing better and I'm not embarrassed

43:06

by it or uncertain about it, I'm going

43:08

to withhold self-love any part of us.

43:11

Until I improve this, I'm going to withhold self-love. That's

43:16

a really bad recipe for self-love. That's

43:18

a recipe for you hating

43:20

and loathing yourself and having a lot

43:23

of disconnection, isolation, loneliness and all of

43:25

that. And

43:27

I think also the other thing we tend to do in

43:30

all of ours, like if somebody else can love

43:32

my personality, then I can

43:34

love myself. But it starts with us to love

43:36

our personality first, how we're wired, how we show

43:38

up to the world and fully embrace

43:40

it. And it is part of how we

43:42

show up. So we have

43:44

to accept that. We can't really change it as much as maybe

43:47

we want to. Now if

43:49

there's somebody listening right now that

43:52

wants to get some learning from the

43:54

ESFP, self-love framework we

43:56

went through, like there's other

43:58

types tuned in. By the way,

44:00

before we go there, anything else you want to make comments

44:02

to that ESFP or somebody has them in their life about

44:06

self-love? Yeah, I do want

44:08

to make one more comment about the three-year-old

44:10

or inferior function of introverted intuition before we

44:13

conclude. So what's

44:15

nice about dialing in

44:17

the balance between the copilot and

44:20

10-year-old, the auxiliary tertiary

44:22

or the – in

44:24

this case, introverted feeling, authenticity,

44:26

and extroverted thinking effectiveness? When

44:29

that relationship starts getting dialed in,

44:32

sometimes we talk about cognitive functions as being

44:34

like two sides of the same coin.

44:37

And when one is face-up, the other one is

44:39

by definition face-down. And when you flip it, it's

44:41

like you had heads first, but now you have

44:43

tails. When you learn to

44:45

build a relationship between these two functions in

44:48

a polarity, you

44:50

can get to a place where it's almost like you're

44:52

spinning a coin and they're working in tandem together.

44:54

They're in a relationship with each other. Carl

44:58

Young called that a transcendent function.

45:01

So you're taking two things

45:03

and turning them into almost like

45:05

one tool. And that can

45:08

be very inspiring. That relationship between the

45:10

copilot and 10-year-old can be very inspiring

45:12

to the driver and the three-year-old. If

45:15

I can do it over here, and I watch

45:17

myself bring this out to the world because I

45:19

instinctively use it on behalf of others… And

45:22

I test iterate it a lot in the laboratory

45:24

of the world, and I get really good

45:26

at balancing these two things. Well,

45:29

that can inspire the three-year-old and

45:31

the driver to build a similar relationship

45:34

to each other. So you want

45:36

to have reasonable expectations

45:38

of your three-year-old or inferior function knowing that

45:40

it's never going to be as strong as

45:43

somebody who has it maybe as their driver

45:45

or copilot. But

45:47

you want to have high expectations for

45:50

the transcendent element of bringing

45:52

it into the sensation function.

45:55

So the way that that works for an ESFP

45:57

is the perspective

45:59

function… It

46:01

doesn't act without

46:03

considering implications. It

46:05

doesn't avoid a sense

46:08

of responsibility to the future. The

46:12

function makes sure that it takes things from

46:14

different angles and taps

46:17

into a sense of meaning. So

46:19

the sensation function that you want to

46:21

have high expectations for, you want to

46:23

work hard and you want to

46:25

bring it out, and you want to give it self-permission to express,

46:28

and you want to continue to increase

46:30

in competence and skill around this thing

46:32

that you're naturally talented at. You'll

46:35

also want to bring in an

46:37

element of anticipating what this means

46:39

for you as a person, anticipating

46:42

what your actions say about

46:44

the story of your life or the narrative of your life. Or

46:48

where is this all headed? If

46:50

I do this today, if I build this skill,

46:52

if I say take all these classes or cooking

46:54

– let's say I'm taking cooking classes, what could

46:56

this lead me to? What's

46:58

the reward I can get into the future if I build

47:01

these kinds of skills? Maybe I should be

47:03

thinking that in terms of opportunity, and

47:06

jumping on opportunities that I know

47:08

will set me up, like basically

47:10

a question of what's

47:12

a gift to my future self? And

47:15

just asking simple questions like that. Is this

47:17

a gift to my future self? It

47:20

doesn't have to be complicated. You don't

47:22

have to be forecasting technologies 50 years

47:24

into the future or being able

47:26

to sort of understand anybody's wiring at any

47:28

moment. It's just like a

47:31

simple – serve your sensation function

47:33

with perspectives. Ask yourself

47:35

simple questions like what

47:38

is – am I feeling

47:40

shallow? Do I feel like I've lost a

47:42

sense of spirituality or meaning? Maybe

47:44

I need to go dive into that, get a

47:46

sense of spirituality back. Is this

47:49

setting me up for something good and coming down the

47:51

road? I don't even have to see specifically what that

47:53

is, but is my gut telling

47:55

me – is my instinct telling me that this is a

47:57

good thing for my future? And there will always be a

47:59

sense of uncertainty. You don't know for a

48:01

fact, but just asking those kinds

48:03

of questions, just bringing them up means

48:05

you're not completely avoiding them. And

48:08

you're asking reasonably

48:10

simple questions that can then

48:12

beautify your experience in your driver function.

48:15

And in that way, they're working in

48:17

tandem together. And that working in tandem

48:19

all by itself, even if you're not

48:21

amazing at introverted intuition, when you

48:23

bring it up and it beautifies

48:26

your extroverted sensing, right? That

48:28

intuition beautifies your sensing function.

48:31

Now the whole thing working together

48:33

has that transcendent quality, and now

48:35

you can go from beating yourself up

48:37

for not being better at it or

48:39

setting it aside. Now

48:41

you're bringing it in, and now you can

48:44

see how cool it is and how much

48:46

cooler your sensation function is with it. And

48:48

in that way, now you

48:50

have more opportunities to appreciate that this is

48:52

a good part of who you are. This

48:54

is a really lovely ornamenting part of who

48:56

you are, and now it just creates

48:58

this beautiful full picture of all your

49:01

functions working together. Yeah. So

49:04

let's talk about how we

49:07

just went through the entire ESFP personality

49:09

type, and we talked about how an

49:11

ESFP can love

49:14

themselves using this framework

49:16

of their personality types. So

49:18

we went through the car model. How can other people tune into and

49:22

learn from specifically the ESFP's path of

49:24

self-love? In other words, as I watch

49:26

– if I was to watch an

49:28

ESFP go down the road of

49:30

self-love and I watch them do the things

49:32

they're going to set themselves up, and I'm like, wow,

49:34

they really love themselves. I

49:37

have different wiring and different cognition,

49:39

and so the other 15 types, what can we

49:41

learn from this? How can we look at an

49:43

ESFP? I think it's a great conversation starter. What

49:46

do I learn from watching an ESFP show

49:48

self-love? Yeah. Well, when

49:51

an ESFP is developed,

49:54

gives themselves permission to

49:57

be themselves when

49:59

they – when they model

50:02

self-acceptance and self-love, there

50:05

are so many amazing

50:07

traits and qualities and characteristics that come

50:09

along with this type in that in

50:11

that situation. Some

50:14

of the easy and obvious ones, I

50:16

mean if you're familiar with type and you're familiar with

50:18

this personality type and you know

50:20

specifically, they're

50:22

known for being adaptable, they're known for

50:25

having a sense of presence and

50:27

enjoy and fun. They're known to

50:29

be optimistic and have passionate enthusiasm

50:32

for the things that they're into.

50:35

They're also known for kind of getting things done a

50:37

lot of times because they're very direct and they go,

50:39

okay that's the thing that you need to get done,

50:41

I need to jump into action and make it happen.

50:43

Direct action. Direct action, that's right. So there's a

50:45

lot of things about this type that are very

50:47

inspiring but I think one of the things that

50:50

I really take away is

50:52

how much resilience this type has.

50:55

When an ESFP loves

50:57

themselves and serves themselves,

50:59

it's amazing how resilient

51:01

they are and it's

51:03

a combination of realism and

51:06

optimism. So they are

51:08

realistic in that when a situation

51:10

goes down, when something that is a

51:12

major challenge that requires resilience goes down in

51:14

the world, the first thing is that they

51:16

are pretty quick to accept it, they

51:19

don't go into whining a

51:21

lot of times, they don't go into like

51:23

beating themselves up and others, they don't like,

51:25

they're not trying to reframe it and say,

51:27

well I'm not really seeing the right perspective,

51:29

maybe it's like this and they don't spend

51:32

time second-guessing. That's right. So they just go,

51:34

okay this is the situation I'm dealing with.

51:36

So they first, they're just realistic about it

51:38

and then they're realistic about solving

51:41

it. So they choose practical

51:45

solutions to deal with the issue

51:48

and at the same time they also have

51:50

an optimism about them which says that it's

51:53

not like, oh it's all disastrous, it's all gonna

51:55

fall apart, like why do I even try?

51:57

They go, nope I'm gonna keep my head.

52:00

I'm going to keep going. I'm going to assume it's going to turn out in

52:02

the end. We have an

52:04

ESFP who's been in our community. She was a

52:07

student of profiler training quite a few years ago. And

52:10

I've been following her Instagram

52:12

where her baby, when

52:15

she was born just a few months

52:17

into her life, discovered that she had

52:19

massive – one

52:21

of her organs was basically failing.

52:25

And she – like any other time period in history,

52:27

she would have died. And so they had to

52:29

first – she's like a newborn. They

52:31

have to wait to see if there's an organ donor.

52:34

They had to deal with what it –

52:36

a baby going through an organ transplant.

52:38

They had to go through all of

52:40

the different challenges that come along with

52:42

that, infections, challenges with eating. And

52:46

there was just so many different things. And her baby just

52:48

recently turned two years old. And just

52:51

watching her journey has been so

52:53

inspiring. Like I'm sure she went through hell. I'm

52:56

sure that whole situation was hell. There were many

52:58

times that they weren't sure if her baby was

53:00

going to survive. There were many

53:02

situations in which there were sleepless nights.

53:05

They were having a great time. And then all of a sudden her

53:08

daughter ended up back in the hospital for a couple weeks. I

53:11

mean it was so demoralizing, such a hit after

53:13

hit after hit. And my goodness was

53:15

she resilient. She just – she just wasn't going

53:17

to let anything get in her well. And

53:20

she was optimistic, but at the same time you could tell

53:22

she was exhausted. But she

53:24

just kept going, right? She was realistic and

53:26

optimistic. And her baby just turned two. She's

53:29

in a great place. Fingers crossed it's going

53:31

to keep going. But no matter

53:33

what had turned – how it had turned out, I

53:35

know that this person, the mom would have

53:37

– I just

53:40

– I know she could get through

53:42

anything. I know she can get through

53:44

anything. I found that so inspiring. So

53:46

I think when an ESFP really loves

53:48

themselves and really models what that looks

53:50

like, cares for themselves, does what's in their

53:52

own best interest, I think

53:54

that they can have a resilience that's just awe-inspiring

53:57

to others. Absolutely. So

54:00

again, if you're an ESFP listening right now

54:02

or you have somebody that's ESFP preferences in

54:04

your life, these

54:06

are some frameworks and avenues for self-love. We

54:08

think that every personality type has an access

54:11

point with the personality that they are wired

54:13

with to tune to the self and use

54:15

it as a framework to show yourself love

54:18

and be there for the person that you have

54:20

to go through this entire life with. From beginning

54:23

to end, it's going to be you. Loving

54:26

yourself is certainly an avenue

54:28

for joy and happiness and positivity in life.

54:30

I think we want to encourage people toward

54:33

that with so often our work and our

54:35

coaching and all these programs. I

54:37

would encourage you if you don't have one of our owner's

54:39

manuals for ESFP and your ESFP, this can be very powerful

54:41

because we walk through that car model in

54:43

much more detail. We show you how to get flow

54:45

state with your driver process. We

54:47

show you what happens when you get into

54:49

a loop with the driver and the 10-year-old,

54:51

how you get gripped by that perspectives process,

54:54

that little pesky perspectives can sometimes grip you.

54:56

But then we talk about some of the solutions for this, that

54:58

parent energy of the authenticity. That could be a translator between some

55:01

of the best parts of you and some of the more challenging

55:03

parts of you. It really wants to

55:05

show up and parent you. In that

55:07

owner's manual, we really talk about how to do that. What

55:09

does that actually look like? What do I do? What are

55:11

the actions I can take? How do I think about it?

55:13

How do I actually execute on this in my life to

55:16

show myself self-love and to get on the path that I want and

55:19

all those kinds of things. I would really encourage that. I think that

55:21

would really help you if you're an ESFP. I

55:23

also have some other resources and podcasts you can also listen

55:25

to on our website for your

55:28

type. I just want

55:30

to do a quick reminder. I know that we're wrapping

55:32

up. I just want to do a quick reminder that –

55:35

and we said this in the first episode and I'm probably going

55:37

to say it – one of us

55:39

will probably say it in every episode going

55:41

forward in the series. Forever. Oh, just the

55:43

series. Okay. Love is not

55:45

earned. Yeah. Right. Love

55:48

is given and received freely. In

55:51

the conversation around self-love, doing

55:54

these things will not earn you love,

55:57

but sometimes we have obstacles.

56:00

and impediment between ourselves and

56:02

our ability to feel the love that

56:04

we're trying to always be sending to

56:06

who we are, right? So

56:09

this is not – this is

56:12

a path to self-love. It's a

56:14

path to self-appreciation because

56:16

you'll be removing some of those impediments. You'll

56:20

be removing too high of expectation in areas

56:22

that you might need to have more

56:24

reasonable expectations. It'll remove the

56:26

impediment of feeling like you could be

56:28

doing more, right? Because you'll know the areas

56:30

where you can be doing more, and it's

56:32

rewarding to do more. It'll

56:34

remove the challenge of feeling like,

56:36

oh, nobody cares. Well, when you

56:38

start watching yourself contribute and start

56:40

watching people care, that boosts up that – it

56:43

removes that obstacle so that you can get

56:45

that free flow of love. So

56:47

when we say how to fall in love with

56:50

yourself or how to self – how to fall

56:52

in love with your ESFP personality as a way

56:54

to access love for yourself, remember

56:56

that love is always flowing. These

56:59

are just strategies to remove the

57:01

impediments you have to feeling it. Yeah.

57:05

So what's coming up for you? We want to

57:07

hear from you. Come over to personalityacker.com directly below

57:09

this episode. You can leave a comment, ask a

57:11

question, more importantly share your story. Maybe

57:13

you have a story of discovering self-love through this

57:15

framework or just in a general way. We'd love

57:17

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57:20

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57:22

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Even Spotify. That's

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right. And you

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might be watching us on YouTube. That totally threw me

57:36

off. I'm like, yeah, Spotify. Now I

57:39

don't remember what I'm talking about. Anyway, so there's lots of platforms

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57:45

going to go through this series. And

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Personality Life Path program is a

57:58

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58:00

the year. And if you

58:02

want more information about personal life path,

58:04

I find that that's, that's our, at

58:07

this point, I mean, profile training has always been a

58:09

flagship program, but I think personal life path is

58:11

becoming a concurrent flagship

58:13

program on the personal growth side. And

58:15

I highly recommend you go check that out. Um,

58:18

the personal life path program is one stop

58:21

shop for self acceptance and love.

58:23

Honestly, because you can watch yourself

58:25

perform through all of the areas of

58:27

life. Take a really solid audit and discover

58:29

ways that you can get to where you're

58:32

at now and the life you want to build for yourself.

58:35

So I highly recommend checking that out. Um,

58:37

usually you can get more information on the

58:39

website and you can also, uh, you know, sometimes

58:41

we have people who can talk to you and let you know whether or

58:43

not the program is right for you. So, um, come to

58:46

our website, look up personal life path program, and I

58:48

highly recommend the next time it comes around to

58:50

sign up. Yeah. It

58:52

sounds like you're hesitant about the program, but you're

58:54

actually hesitant to give the specific action step around.

58:56

Right. Exactly. Because you're like, if I give this,

58:58

this link or this things might change like a

59:00

year from now, somebody's listening back to this. Exactly.

59:02

But basically I'll just, I'll just confirm that personal

59:04

life path mentorship is a, is a course that

59:07

really attunes to your life. It helps you understand

59:09

who you are, how you're wired, but more importantly,

59:11

where you need to go and then closing the

59:13

gap between those two places. You got it. Like

59:15

figuring out a strategy to close the gap, to get what

59:17

you want, your optimism, your goals, whatever it is. So

59:20

I would definitely check, say, check that out as well. You read that,

59:22

that on, I'm like hesitating because I'm like, what do I send them?

59:24

I don't know what the link is right now. And it might not

59:26

be the same link in the future. Thank you for

59:28

calling that. Exactly. So, so go, go check that

59:30

out. personalhacker.com. You can find information about PLP or

59:33

any of the other programs we offer. But

59:35

again, we want to hear from you. Come over, make your voice heard

59:37

as an ESFP or someone has them in your life. My

59:40

name is Joel Mark Witt. And I'm Antonia Dodge.

59:42

We'll talk with you on the next Personality

59:45

Hacker Podcast.