And the moral of the story is...  DON'T GIVE YOUR KIDS PANTS FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY!  Unless, of course, you want the Problem Child kid running around your apartment with a knife and zero fashion sense.  But, if you have bought a creepy doll from the homeless guy your friend used to date, you can always call Prince Humperdinck to take the case.  Or you can take Rachel's advice, and "Throw that child away!"  Remember, we'll be your friend til the end if you leave a good review on itunes or whatever.