Practical Research Parenting Podcast| evidence-based | raising children | positive parenting Podcast Image

Practical Research Parenting Podcast| evidence-based | raising childr…

A Kids & Family podcast
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Science-based parenting. Join me as I learn through research and practice about babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and how we can form lasting and positive attachments with our children . If you have a child born since 2011, this podcast is for you. The first few episodes will focus on sleep, then I'll get into discipline, from there, I'll investigate questions that arise about my kids (born 2012 and 2014), and from my listeners.


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PRP033 Child Sleep: The 3 main causes of child sleep problems in 10 minutes
Show Notes: Child Sleep: The 3 main causes of child sleep problems Child sleep became an obsession for me back in my worst sleep-deprivation days. So I did what most PhD Psychology students would, I researched. Why do babies wake so often? Is it really necessary? When can I expect to get a run of 8 or even 5 hours sleep again? What can I do to speed that process? Then I began interviewing experts. Finally, it began to come together. I was able to cut through what I had learned to discover the 3 main causes of child sleep problems that really seem to underpin it all. Best of all, each of the three causes has fairly clear solutions. The thing is, every solution needs a level of perseverance, and solutions to one cause, do not help with the other two. The outcome: you need to find the cause and choose a fitting solution that you have the energy and will to stick to for at least a week. I built these causes and all the solutions I could find into the Sleep Options Wizard, presented them at local preschools, and now, I am sharing them with you. Summary The 3 main causes of sleep issues: Physical Biological Sleep Processes (Circadian Rhythm and Sleep Pressure) This is the first place to look! Medical issues Not addressed by the Sleep Options Wizard apart from night terrors, nightmares, sleep apnoea (look into this if your child snores), and head banging. Physical comfort - hunger, heat, wet, itchy. Solutions: Change timing of sleep, or physical environment (temperature, lighting, clothes) as appropriate. Ask a medical professional for medical issues. Emotional Fear, anxiety, excitement... Common triggers: Separation, processing daily emotions, loss of security, a major change, a recent or anticipated exciting game or event. Solutions: Start during the day (with empathy, emotion coaching, and the 3 Skills to Teach during the Day for better sleep at Night), then a gentle, gradual bedtime approach bed-time (for example, using the Sensible Sleep Solution), and only then overnight if necessary. Habitual Falling asleep habit/association e.g. co-sleeping, rocking to sleep, patting to sleep These habits are not problems - If you and your child are happy, continue and enjoy. Only a problem if: You don't enjoy it or have time for it. It causes night wakings where your child wants help back to sleep, and these are not allowing you the quality sleep you need. Boundary testing - Independent thought, preference, or action is a new skill that 3-5 year olds want to practice over and over ( Solutions: Incorporate reasonable choices during the day and as part of the bedtime routine. Set and communicate clear expectations using Modelling for children 6 months and older ( The Sleep Options Wizard is a guidance tool to help you diagnose the cause (in a bit more depth) and choose a solution. The solutions above are just a few of many gentle approaches. Links Sleep Options Wizard The first step in any good sleep intervention (Physical) video and email series. Podcast on Sleep Apnoea (Check this out if your child snores regularly). 3 Skills to Teach during the Day for better sleep at Night. Sensible Sleep Solution Boundary Testing Communicating expectations. Please subscribe, rate and share! Subscribe: iTunes, RSS, or Stitcher Please leave a review: in iTunes, and Stitcher Please share using the buttons below. Please leave a comment and start a discussion. Does this fit with your experience?
PRP032 Autonomy-Supportive Parenting Style Part 4
Show Notes: Autonomy Supportive Parenting Style Part 4 This is the fourth and final part of the interview with Professor Genevieve Mageau. We talk about beliefs behind autonomy support, what hinders autonomy support, transitioning from a controlling to an autonomy supportive style, and the book and workshop series "How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and How to Listen so Kids will Talk". Listen to Autonomy Supportive Parenting Style Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 first. I intend to start running a workshop series on How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and How to Listen so Kids will talk. If you are interested, sign up for the downloadable tip sheets in the meantime via the link above, and I will let you know when workshops start. Summary Beliefs behind Autonomy Support Organismic Trust makes it easier to take the child's perspective and take a supportive rather than coercive role. Trust that children will develop at their own pace. Trust that children want to co-operate. Trust that children want to learn. Think in terms of long term goals ("I want my child to learn to take responsibility for her things", rather than "I want this room clean NOW!") Inform of expectations. Give a chance to do better next time. Focus more on learning than performance. (Mistakes become learning opportunities, not failures.) Taking a child's perspective is key. Give relevant choices. Empathise. Consider preferences. Barriers to Autonomy Support High stress level. Worries for child's future. Daily hassles. Controlling behaviour can be rewarding. Authority figure. Taking action. Can reduce stress. Hinging our self-esteem on our children's success. Everyone has more controlling, and more autonomy supportive days. We can feel guilty for our bad days. We need to show ourselves the same compassion that we want to show our children. Changing towards an autonomy supportive parenting style Children with more difficulty learning/ behaving, are often the ones who most benefit from Autonomy Support. However, a sudden transition is unlikely to be successful. Children who are used to controlling parenting/teaching need more structure initially. Reflecting their feelings, showing that you get them, is especially important to develop the atmosphere of co-operation. Autonomy support helps children to develop values, rather than looking to the leader for direction. This becomes particularly important when, as adolescents they start looking more to their peers than their parents for guidance. How to Talk so Kids will Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk A book and workshop series that helps incorporate autonomy support into all areas of parenting. Including when children are distressed, or don't want to co-operate. It teaches 30 skills, 27 of which can be implemented from a very young age. The book was written by two parents, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, in 1980. It was inspired by a parent workshop on empathic limit setting run by Psychologist Haim Ginott, author of Between Parent and Child, and the researcher who inspired today's definition of autonomy support. How to Talk so Kids will Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk is still the second most popular parenting book (affiliate link - thank you). It includes involvement and structure in an autonomy supportive way. There is also How to Talk so Teens will Listen and How to Listen so Teens will Talk, but the principles are essentially the same with different examples. About the workshops 7-week program of 2 hours per week workshop time. Workshops are very closely linked to the book. Each chapter and session: Starts with a perspective taking exercise. Skills are presented using comic strips. Practice skills in the workbook. Practice skills with other parents. Homework - practice with family. Are they effective? Geneviève Mageau and Mireille Joussemet are currently eva...
PRP031 Autonomy-Supportive Parenting Style Part 3
Show Notes: Autonomy Supportive Parenting Style Part 3 This is the third part of the interview with Professor Genevieve Mageau. We talk about using routine charts, and some of the risks and alternatives to sticker charts. We also look at limit setting for boundary testing behaviour, and addressing frequent misbehaviour. Listen to Autonomy Supportive Parenting Style Part 1 and Part 2 first. Summary Routine Charts Routine charts can be helpful because they are informational. Consider your child's competence? Is s/he able to work through the routine independently. Do you need to remind your child to look at the next step? How much help does your child need to complete each step? If there are frequent problems, problem solve. Accept that when control is given to the child, there will be mistakes. Provide reasons why they need to complete the routine. Allow natural consequences. For example schedule some playtime at the end of routines. If the routine takes too long, there is less time for play. Be prepared to help your child cope with failure (empathise without fixing or blaming). Avoid rushing (make sure your expectations are realistic) - leave time for mistakes by waking earlier if you have to. Make sure children are capable of all steps. Sticker Charts Consist of 2 components: Informational competence feedback (can be motivating, but also has the potential to undermine feelings of competence, which can be demotivating) Controlling element When sticker charts are seen as encouraging and playful - sticker charts can have positive outcomes BUT, It is hard to predict how they will be perceived. Initially they may work well because they are exciting and provide clear information on what is done well. Some days they may be seen as an attempt at control, and incite resistance, e.g. after an argument, or in the context of other demands. The more parents emphasise the contingency of the reward, the more controlling it can feel "e.g. Come on, get dressed, don't you want your sticker today?" Can create a transactional parent-child relationship. Children have the right to refuse the reward to not do the behaviour. The focus is on external contingencies rather than the importance or meaning of the behaviour If the reward is blown if they fail once or twice in a week, there is no reason to keep trying for the rest of the week. Part of what differentiates sticker charts from to-do lists is that children feel really bad when they can't add a sticker. Sticker Chart alternative Describe the behaviour that is done right. E.g. "I see a child who came home, and took out his homework straight away. That is what I call taking responsibility". Describe what your child does well, rather than evaluating them. Avoid evaluations e.g. "Good girl/ boy". Limit-setting and boundary testing behaviour Create a climate of co-operation. Listen with compassion and respect. Punishment doesn't work. It undermines this climate. Describe the problem (without evaluation, blame, or accusation). State feelings without too much intensity. Offer different choices of acceptable behaviour. Take action to solve the problem. Trouble-shooting If this problem re-occurs frequently, use problem solving. If children are frequently misbehaving, look first at the climate of respect. Links How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (Affiliate Link, thank you). Faber and Mazlish Website: Patreon Support Page at where you can help me to continue these podcasts for you and millions of others. Leave a review on iTunes To download Tip Sheets from the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen..." please click here. This series

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    Podcast Details
    Feb 3rd, 2015
    Latest Episode
    May 17th, 2017
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    28 minutes

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