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Make Your Partner Look Good

Make Your Partner Look Good

Released Thursday, 21st March 2024
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Make Your Partner Look Good

Make Your Partner Look Good

Make Your Partner Look Good

Make Your Partner Look Good

Thursday, 21st March 2024
Good episode? Give it some love!
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Episode Transcript

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0:00

[music]

0:13

We live in a world where competition

0:13

is everywhere,

0:15

but what if we broke the mold and instead

0:17

focused on making each other look good,

0:19

decentering ourselves,

0:19

and centering others?

0:23

Hi everyone, this is Jessica Beckendorf,

0:23

and welcome

0:26

to this week's Practicing

0:26

Connection practicast,

0:29

where we highlight a specific practice

0:29

you can use in your life and work.

0:32

In this series, we've been introducing

0:32

practices from applied improvisation.

0:37

During an improv performance,

0:37

making your partner look

0:40

good is an essential ingredient

0:40

to making a scene sane.

0:44

It requires us to be socially

0:44

aware of our partner's needs

0:47

and to take the focus off of ourselves,

0:50

always lifting up our team members.

0:53

Imagine if we did that

0:53

for each other in daily life.

0:55

That's what we'll be talking about today.

0:57

I'm excited to introduce

0:57

Shannon Hughes as our guest again.

1:02

Shannon and I met

1:02

through an organization we both belong

1:04

to called

1:04

the Applied Improvisation Network.

1:07

She's a facilitator and consultant

1:07

with a calling to nurture

1:11

people-first company cultures

1:11

in companies of all shapes and sizes.

1:15

In her practice, Enlivened Studios,

1:17

she brings strategic business mentorship

1:20

and experiential teaching

1:20

practices to incite easeful collaboration,

1:24

and embolden transformational leadership.

1:27

Shannon will be guiding us through the practice in a few minutes,

1:28

but first, let's learn a little bit more about it.

1:32

Hi, Shannon. I'm so glad to have you back.

1:35

This is one of my favorite

1:35

improv concepts.

1:37

It's very pro-social,

1:37

like so many improv concepts are.

1:42

I'd like to start

1:42

by asking you to describe

1:44

what it means

1:44

to make your partner look good on stage,

1:48

and how that can translate to real life.

1:50

Thank you. Thank you,

1:51

and I'm glad to be back again as well.

1:54

To me, making your partner

1:54

look good is about inclusivity,

2:01

interdependence, and even celebration.

2:04

It's recognizing that every scene

2:04

is better when we take

2:08

the time to listen to one another, to acknowledge

2:10

one another's contribution or ideas,

2:13

and to yes-and

2:13

those contributions and ideas.

2:17

It's not just about grasping

2:17

onto our own version of what's right.

2:22

Trying to tell our own story

2:22

and hold onto our own truth,

2:25

but rather saying yes and listening

2:25

to others' contributions.

2:30

By the way, when I say scene here,

2:30

I mean both scenes that are on stage,

2:36

and in real life because let's be honest,

2:36

like you said earlier,

2:41

we are all professional improvisers.

2:45

No one wakes up in the morning and finds

2:47

a script on their bedside telling

2:47

them everything they're going to say

2:50

and every breath they're going to take, and every decision

2:52

that they need to decide on that day.

2:55

We're all professional improvisers. You could also argue

2:57

that we're performing all the time,

3:01

and this is not in a performative kind

3:01

of way, so stay with me on this.

3:07

It's that we are constantly finding

3:07

ourselves in different performances,

3:11

in different scenes,

3:11

interacting with each other at home,

3:15

at work, with friends.

3:17

We even play different characters.

3:19

We might play the character

3:19

of the CEO when we're at work.

3:22

We might play the busy mom

3:22

when we're at home,

3:25

or the best friend

3:25

when we're consoling a friend.

3:28

These are all kind of

3:28

different performances

3:31

and different scenes. On stage, making your partner look good,

3:35

and in life,

3:35

making your partner look good,

3:38

is really about lifting up and elevating

3:42

and celebrating your scene

3:42

partner's contributions,

3:45

their ideas, and what that exchange

3:48

might be when you're living

3:48

and communicating,

3:50

and having dialogue,

3:50

because when we do that,

3:53

things run more smoothly. Wonderful characters

3:55

are created and story unfolds,

4:00

and everyone feels like they belong,

4:00

like they matter.

4:03

They're part of this thing

4:03

that's being co-created together.

4:06

This idea of acknowledging

4:06

one another by saying,

4:09

"I see you. Thank you, yes,"

4:12

can be a really beautiful way

4:12

of making your partner look good.

4:15

I think when we get mired

4:15

down and so busy in the work,

4:20

we forget to pause

4:20

for a second and thank people,

4:23

so I'm excited to hear about that. You started to hint at this already,

4:26

but what effect does

4:26

this principle of making each other look

4:30

good have on a team or a collaboration

4:30

or even an organizational culture?

4:37

Well, we've talked about

4:37

interdependence and belonging.

4:41

What a fabulous practice to take

4:43

into the workplace or into community

4:43

building efforts

4:47

to inspire brainstorming

4:47

or invite conversations

4:50

around how things

4:50

might be done differently,

4:52

or more innovatively and better.

4:55

If we shut our colleagues or our teammates

4:57

down by shaming them

4:57

or giving them a hard yes-but,

5:03

or even a hard no, especially

5:03

if that's done in front of others,

5:07

can feel humiliating

5:07

and definitely unmotivating.

5:12

What happens then? Well, disengagement,

5:13

lack of creative problem solving,

5:17

and retention issues, quite honestly.

5:23

The phrase is people don't leave

5:23

companies, they leave managers.

5:27

People don't leave companies,

5:27

they leave cultures.

5:30

Psychological safety,

5:30

which is the idea of creating

5:34

an environment in an organization

5:34

or in any community

5:38

where ideas are welcome

5:38

and don't have any sort

5:41

of punitive repercussion

5:41

or voices are heard.

5:45

Building that psychological safety,

5:48

which is a term that was coined

5:48

by Amy Edmondson,

5:51

this idea

5:51

of psychological safety is creating

5:54

that safe and what I call

5:54

brave space for people to be,

6:00

I don't know, it's a little cliche to say, bring their whole self to work,

6:02

but an iteration of that concept.

6:07

To show up for who they are, and to create

6:09

an environment where people feel

6:12

like they can voice

6:12

their thoughts and opinions.

6:15

Making your partner

6:15

look good only codifies that.

6:19

To say, "Wow,

6:19

I can speak up here and I'm acknowledged,

6:24

and I'm even celebrated

6:24

and shown gratitude

6:27

for what I say and how I perform

6:27

here because it's safe."

6:31

This seems like a pretty big mindset shift

6:34

in a culture that has supported

6:36

individualism and survival

6:36

of the fittest, competition.

6:41

How can we reconcile or maybe bridge

6:44

the difference between where we're at now

6:46

in this individualistic space

6:46

and what we can achieve together

6:50

through making each other look good?

6:53

Beautiful. Well, a couple things

6:55

came to mind for me on this.

6:58

The first one is transparency

6:58

and authenticity.

7:03

You could add vulnerability, the environment and the mindset shift

7:04

that you've just described.

7:07

I used to work in an environment like that

7:09

where it was pretty individual.

7:12

You kept your head down, got your work done, and it was survival of the fittest.

7:17

In that situation, it was because culture

7:17

came from the top down,

7:20

and by the time it reached the doers,

7:20

there wasn't much there.

7:24

There certainly wasn't much

7:24

transparency or authenticity,

7:27

and employees lose their sense of why.

7:32

The idea behind transparency,

7:32

authenticity,

7:35

and vulnerability as it relates to this mindset shift

7:37

is also going to be included

7:40

in my practice

7:40

that I'm going to talk about in a second,

7:43

but it's this idea of as a leader,

7:43

and when I say leader,

7:47

I don't mean somebody who's a high paying

7:50

executive in the corner office,

7:50

I believe that we're all leaders.

7:54

Whatever that means

7:54

in the context of this dialogue

7:57

between a couple of people

7:57

or a group of people,

8:00

is to pull up a chair, pull up a stool,

8:00

have a conversation with your team,

8:06

talk about the elephant in the room,

8:06

what's going right here?

8:09

Where are our opportunities

8:09

for improvement?

8:13

What's a story as,

8:13

let's say I'm the leader in that scenario,

8:16

what's a story that I can tell

8:16

with a degree of vulnerability

8:20

that then opens the door for other people

8:20

to share as well?

8:26

Even doing that, although that's not explicitly

8:27

"making your partner look good"

8:31

it kind of is because I'm saying

8:31

I'm human, listen to me and my story.

8:37

Now what about you? It's passing the microphone or opening up

8:42

the room for other people

8:42

to share their own

8:45

experiences for the sake of building

8:48

psychological safety

8:48

and a thriving culture.

8:51

Another point

8:51

that I would say for that shift is,

8:54

and this is true

8:54

of any culture building effort,

8:56

is to make it co-creative.

8:59

No employee anywhere wants

8:59

to have some flashy words on a big sign

9:06

in their entryway that says things like integrity and trust and creativity.

9:11

[laughs] Three words separated by a period.

9:14

Yes. Classic.

9:17

It's some giant brand

9:17

consultancy came up with which is,

9:23

no shade on brand consultancies,

9:23

but a good one, a good one,

9:27

and a good leader will include

9:27

the employees in that conversation.

9:31

So much of this too is the third point

9:31

I was going to make about values.

9:35

If integrity,

9:35

creativity are your corporate values,

9:39

where did they come from? What do they mean?

9:42

What are the behaviors

9:42

and the routines that back

9:44

that up on a day to day basis?

9:48

How much did you invite

9:48

the employees or the team members

9:52

to be part of that conversation

9:52

so everyone feels like

9:55

they're aligned to it and they don't lose

9:55

sense of that why,

9:59

like we mentioned before, and all of that,

10:01

you could kind of wrap in a big make

10:04

your partner look good effort

10:04

because you're saying,

10:07

"Yes, I see you. I see you.

10:07

Let's do this together."

10:10

Well, I'm excited to hear the practice,

10:13

or I think

10:13

you have a collection of practices

10:17

and some guidance for people.

10:21

Let's get into that. As I had just mentioned a minute ago,

10:26

culture and values are just

10:26

concepts until there are systems,

10:32

practices, rituals, routines,

10:35

norms that are put

10:35

behind those values and that culture.

10:41

And so often, and so unfortunately often,

10:41

organizations do half the work,

10:45

and then some of it just sits

10:45

on a shelf or on a website somewhere.

10:49

It's that operationalizing

10:49

and systematizing

10:53

that really upholds

10:53

that very important work.

10:59

I use the word system intentionally here,

11:02

especially with this first

11:02

point I'm going to make,

11:04

which is to set up

11:04

a system for recognition and celebration.

11:08

Where does recognition and celebration

11:08

show up in your mid-year review?

11:14

Where does it show up

11:14

in your weekly Tuesday all-staff meeting?

11:19

When does the CEO

11:19

or the team leader come out

11:22

from behind their office door

11:22

and sit amongst the team and grab

11:26

lunch together and talk

11:26

about the highlights

11:28

of what the team has succeeded

11:28

in doing versus,

11:32

we often gravitate

11:32

towards what's gone wrong.

11:35

It's really systematizing

11:35

some of that and putting it into practice.

11:38

I make this silly joke

11:38

that leaders are supermodels.

11:45

What I mean by that is, as a leader,

11:47

it's so important to model

11:47

the behavior that you want to see.

11:51

You have to be the change you want to see.

11:53

It starts with you.

11:57

You, maybe it's even setting

11:57

an alarm on your phone to do these things,

12:01

to make sure that recognition,

12:01

feedback, celebration is pervasive,

12:07

and that you invite employees

12:07

to do that for one another, too.

12:10

The other one is check-ins,

12:10

because so often, meetings, especially,

12:15

people have had a whole day before them

12:18

and probably

12:18

have a whole evening ahead of them.

12:20

Taking a moment to check in and not just,

12:20

"How's everybody doing,"

12:25

but come up with maybe

12:25

a short list of five exercises

12:29

or prompts to get people

12:29

in their body and in the moment

12:34

so that they feel like they're present

12:34

to what's happening there,

12:37

and allow that too, to potentially

12:37

include shoutouts to people,

12:44

to congratulate people. I have a practice that I use

12:46

in my morning journaling.

12:49

Not every day, but every now and again,

12:51

I just write down things

12:51

that I'm proud of,

12:54

things that I'm celebrating. Because again, we're so wired to think

12:55

about the things that haven't gotten done.

13:00

All of those can be seen

13:00

as making your partner look good,

13:03

because you're really patting

13:03

the back of people

13:06

that you work with and saying,

13:06

"I've got you. I see you. Well done."

13:11

One more thing that just came to me. Don't be afraid to talk to strangers.

13:16

What I mean by that is,

13:16

the person bagging your grocery,

13:21

the gentleman walking

13:21

down the street whose shoes you like,

13:24

the children who are very clearly behaving

13:27

while their mom is at the grocery store.

13:30

Just that one second to say,

13:30

"Hey, man, I love your shoes.

13:35

You're looking really dapper today." Oh, my gosh,

13:37

that can change someone's entire day.

13:42

As humans, we get embarrassed. "Oh, I don't want to say anything,"

13:45

but imagine the impact if you just say,

13:45

"I really like your haircut,"

13:49

or, "Thank you for your work today."

13:52

That's making your partner look

13:52

good because we're all partners, right?

13:55

We're all just same

13:55

partners living the dream, right?

13:59

To see somebody and say something

13:59

that's nice about them is so uplifting,

14:04

and it can have huge ripple effect.

14:08

I love that. Thank you so much.

14:10

This collection

14:10

of practices that you shared

14:12

with us today

14:12

are all super simple to implement.

14:16

As I mentioned before, this is one of my favorite

14:17

improv principles,

14:20

and I really enjoyed your perspective

14:20

on it in our conversation today.

14:24

Thank you, Jessica. I loved sharing.

14:26

Well, that's it for this episode.

14:28

Thanks so much for joining us. You can keep up

14:30

with Practicing Connection by subscribing

14:33

to the podcast in your favorite podcast

14:33

app, and by joining

14:36

the Practicing Connection community

14:36

on LinkedIn.

14:39

Visit oneop.org/practicingconnection

14:39

to subscribe and join.

14:43

If you have questions, ideas,

14:43

or feedback for the show,

14:46

you can email us

14:50

We'll be back next week with another applied

14:51

improvisation practice

14:53

to help you break the mold called Noticing Offers and Seeing Them as Gifts.

14:58

Until then, keep practicing.

15:01

The Practicing Connection

15:01

Podcast is a production

15:04

of OneOp and is supported by the National Institute

15:05

of Food and Agriculture,

15:08

US Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Military

15:10

Family Readiness Policy,

15:13

US Department of Defense,

15:13

under award numbers

15:16

2019-48770-30366,

15:21

and 2023-48770-41333.

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