0:00

I was able to go to my core group and just

0:04

really bounce it off the people that would lift me up.

0:08

And I didn't have a lot of people like that, but I knew who I could trust and who I could go to,

0:15

and they would always give me really good advice. Now,

0:19

if you don't have that, what are some things that we could do?

0:23

The things that we listen to, even the music we listen to.

0:35

No. Oh, that's better, right.

0:39

Babe? Yeah. Yeah. She founded an architectural concrete company.

0:47

He founded a hundred million dollars clothing company.

0:50

She took the world by storm as a social media star. He.

0:54

Took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur.

0:57

Together we started a business. And had.

0:59

Babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both.

1:03

Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life.

1:07

Struggles as they share their life, hacks about success, love kids.

1:12

And everything in between. All what you say you are. So choose your words carefully.

1:17

Don't become what you're, what you believe. Quote by Oprah Winfrey.

1:25

Welcome to the Pretty and Punk podcast. My name is Dan Caldwell and I'm here again once again.

1:32

Once again with my beautiful wife and co-host.

1:38

And thank you guys for joining us today.

1:41

We have another great podcast ready for you guys,

1:44

and it's super important.

1:47

Not that everything we do or talk about on this podcast isn't important,

1:53

so funny, but this is really important for us and it's something that is

1:58

near and dear to both of us because when I think,

2:02

well probably closer more to me because I felt like I struggled with this a

2:07

little bit when early on in my entrepreneurial

2:11

career. I think everybody struggles with this.

2:15

How you speak to yourself determines where you are

2:19

going in life, and it's just something that is so true and you don't realize

2:26

sometimes how important it is. I think my TED Talk was somewhat

2:31

about something like this. It wasn't this exactly,

2:35

but I had always struggled with

2:40

kind of negative or these insecurities that I had for myself.

2:45

And so it was like something I had to get past because I struggled with

2:50

that. I always felt like that I was going to have problems in life

2:56

trying to get what I really wanted in life because I was dealing with that.

3:01

But you're never like that, were you? Because? Because when you come at me,

3:05

I always feel like. I know what it was. You didn't have these problems.

3:09

I feel like I know what it was. But before that.

3:13

Hey guys, we hope you're enjoying today's episode of the Pretty Punk Podcast.

3:17

And if you are and you haven't already hit that liked and subscribe button,

3:21

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3:33

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3:37

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3:42

don't forget to tag us. We want to celebrate you because we know it's not easy being a parent in

3:47

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3:52

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3:57

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4:03

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4:08

you a part of this family. So don't forget all the links are below in the show

4:15

notes, and thank you again and let's get back to the show.

4:19

But I feel we all struggle with this at one point or

4:24

another in our lives, and what we need is the people around us to

4:30

kick those ridiculous ideas out of

4:35

your head. Now, I feel like when you tell me the stories of what you went

4:42

through, I really feel when you talk about the people around you,

4:49

you didn't have the people that you needed

4:53

to lean into that were supposed to lift you up.

4:56

They were almost questioning the things that you were going into and giving you

5:01

anxiety about the decisions you were making.

5:06

That's not a good feeling. Well. I mean, I think even before that, I didn't have anybody to talk.

5:10

To. And then you met Charles, and that was your guy.

5:15

That was the person that would lift you up and you can bounce these

5:19

ideas off of and come up with solutions.

5:22

So rather than having people around you going, this is never,

5:27

you do know that this isn't going to work, right? This is like,

5:31

I don't even like to say the S word or the D word,

5:34

but people will say that this is not a good idea, and they'll put it

5:43

into such negative sentences that it's painful and it makes you

5:47

question yourself. So I feel I didn't have a lot of that,

5:53

and when I did have that, I was able to go to my core group and just

5:59

really bounce it off the people that would lift me up.

6:03

And I didn't have a lot of people like that,

6:05

but I knew who I could trust and who I could go to,

6:10

and they would always give me really good advice. Now,

6:14

if you don't have that, what are some things that we could do?

6:18

The things that we listen to, even the music we listen to.

6:23

I think the intake. I mean, we all have these voices inside of our head do that,

6:28

narrate our lives and take us in different directions.

6:31

And the thing about that voice is that sometimes that voice can be negative and

6:36

that kind of inner dialogue that we have with ourselves, that

6:41

have with ourselves lot, it can have this profound impact on our motivation.

6:45

And I think that that's what I was going through all the time because it wasn't

6:49

necessarily the outside forces. I mean,

6:52

they might say a little something here and there, but nobody was telling me like, you're never going to be able to do this.

6:57

This is never going to work. They didn't say that. They didn't have to say that.

6:59

Well see people, because I had filled those in myself.

7:03

I filled in all that information for myself.

7:06

I was telling myself that, oh my gosh, somebody would say,

7:11

well, what are you going to do about this? And then I would blow that up in my head like, whoa, my gosh,

7:17

what am I going to do about that? It's probably not.

7:20

Going to work. A few that you said, were trying to rip down the ideas,

7:23

and that was really negative for you, but I could see how you would build to the story

7:29

that was being said and you would blow it up to be something else.

7:33

And that is something we all have to be very careful with because

7:38

you could potentially spiral and you could blow your

7:43

God given destiny or a really great business

7:48

idea. Well, I think self-talk is so important a hundred percent.

7:52

When I learned to control those thoughts, I mean, now I feel so powerful.

7:58

I never questioned anything that's going through my head when I, not.

8:01

In a. Negative way, not in a negative way now. So I've learned to control it,

8:06

and I think that's how I know that it's powerful because when you can control

8:11

it, you can do anything. I mean, not that I haven't had failures because there's things that haven't worked,

8:17

worked out for me, but I always feel like I am going to blow the

8:23

doors off of this thing. I'm going to break through these walls.

8:26

We're going to kill this. And sometimes there's some of the things I spoke about in my TED talk

8:32

was that I'll have these insecurities,

8:35

but when I feel that I overcompensate for it by

8:40

working out all those problems ahead of time,

8:43

by figuring out overcompensating for it so that it fixes

8:47

itself, that I know that if I'm going to go into this situation and I'm not sure how

8:52

this is going to work out, then I overstudy.

8:56

I look up every possibility and I am looking for every

9:00

contingency. And so I'm prepared when I go into it.

9:04

And by the time I get to that point now, there's no chance that this isn't working.

9:09

I'm always believing that I'm going to kill this thing, whatever it is.

9:12

Well, and that's the important thing, is that you have to believe in yourself first and

9:18

foremost, and know that you have the God-given ability and the God-given gift to go

9:24

after anything in the world you can

9:28

accomplish. You just have to commit.

9:30

You just totally have to commit a hundred percent.

9:33

When Charles first came to me, I just lost my job as a police officer,

9:40

and I was hired on this other department that I didn't want to be at.

9:43

And I remember him coming to my department and asking me if I wanted to start a

9:48

T-shirt company. And I was thinking,

9:51

I don't know anything about printing T-shirts.

9:53

I've never printed a T-shirt in my life. But I loved the idea of back then what was called no holds

10:00

bard or Juujitsu,

10:02

and I loved Juujitsu. He loved Juujitsu,

10:06

and we just wanted to do something in and around that.

10:08

And we knew that this sport was blowing up. We knew that it was growing,

10:12

and we knew that there was something here. There was something special here.

10:17

And I think when you start talking about the things that you really know

10:21

about, that you're confident about,

10:24

I wasn't confident. If somebody would asked me about printing shirts,

10:26

I'd been like, oh my gosh, yeah, we're done.

10:28

So we don't know anything about T-shirt business. We don't really know too much about marketing,

10:32

although that became our strong point. But what we did know was that this sport was

10:38

growing quickly and that it was going to be big. I wouldn't say growing quickly,

10:44

that's probably the wrong words, because that time it was illegal.

10:46

But we did know that there was something here that everybody we showed it

10:51

to was excited about it. Everybody that we talked about it with was excited about it.

10:56

And if they happen to watch a UFC or they happen to watch start

11:01

training in Jiujitsu, that they were addicted to it and there was something there.

11:06

So when you're talking about things that you feel more comfortable about,

11:11

that you feel confident about and that you're confident about your subject

11:14

matter, whatever that is, you tend to be more in a positive place.

11:19

And I guess the reaction, obviously not I guess,

11:22

but for sure if you have that positive reaction from people,

11:26

then it helps you. It gives you the signals that you're on the right track.

11:30

So again, you're surrounding yourself on the second half of that journey with people that

11:36

are excited for you. So that's a good feeling,

11:38

and that gives you the fuel to push forward.

11:41

So whatever industry you are in or whatever business you're trying to build,

11:45

surround yourself with the people that can cause that momentum,

11:50

that will push that momentum into you going forward.

11:54

That gives you the confidence to know that you are on the right track and that

11:59

it is possible. Yeah, I think I'm sure you probably went through something like that in acting like if

12:05

you had a good response from people about your acting,

12:09

then you felt very confident about it.

12:11

But how did it feel when you got a negative response?

12:15

Did you ever feel like somebody was coming down on you because you.

12:20

Didn't, maybe. You didn't get a part or something? I.

12:22

Had really good coaches that really helped me

12:26

prepare my mindset. And I think one of the reasons I stepped into that industry is because it was so

12:33

challenging, and I'm telling you it's not for everyone because they really do cut you down.

12:38

But I am the kind of person that I really love to challenge

12:42

myself. I don't know, because there is a lot of rejection,

12:47

but I don't know why.

12:50

There's just this part of me that enjoyed the

12:54

challenge. I don't know if I think about it now,

12:58

that must've been really tough.

13:01

And I saw a lot of people break down and turn to

13:06

things that I know little ones are listening,

13:09

but they would get lost in a world of you could get lost in a world of

13:13

darkness, depression, is it me? Is it personally me? Well,

13:17

I was able to disconnect from that. It is just a role,

13:22

but what I would find joy in knowing that I'm probably not going to

13:27

get this role, I'm going to think outside of the box and try to make them fall.

13:34

The coaches would say, make them fall in love with you when you go into that room.

13:38

And it just taught me so much about business and

13:43

public speaking, and you just have these things that you learn so that

13:49

people cannot look away from you. So for me,

13:53

I enjoyed acting. I loved it. I loved taking on the challenge,

13:58

but there were some roles that I really, really wanted,

14:03

that I really wanted, and I could feel a part of. My heart broke.

14:08

I'm like, they couldn't have said no, I was perfect for this.

14:12

I was perfect for this. So yeah, I did have a little bit of heartbreak,

14:16

but I never took it personal. And I had such great coaches that just poured into me in that

14:23

sense. Hi, baby. Yeah, I think your thoughts have such incredible power.

14:28

That never take it. Personal, and you have to not take it personal.

14:32

And the good news about that is that is because those have so much

14:36

power that you also have the power of your own thoughts.

14:39

So if you control your own thoughts, they can take you in a different direction.

14:44

And you have to be conscious of it because if you're not conscious of

14:49

the power that you have over your own thoughts,

14:51

then those thoughts can just go wild.

14:54

And so you have to control those thoughts when they start getting wild like

14:57

that. And I think part of that is just the intake is thinking about the positive

15:02

things, being grateful for what you have and what you can do. And.

15:06

The lesson, I think, for and for yourself,

15:11

I think that you can relate to this when you have a failure or you don't get

15:15

something, it teaches you a lesson so that the next time you go

15:21

into, for example, a role,

15:24

you've learned your lesson and you tactically go at it in another

15:29

way and then you win, and then it's awesome.

15:32

Yeah, I mean, it's so easy. I think every.

15:34

Business, everybody. Walt Disney was fired from his first job

15:40

for not being creative enough,

15:43

and those are examples of people who probably could

15:48

have took those things to heart but didn't get deterred because they've reframed

15:53

it in their mind, however they did to get back on track so that they could accomplish what they

15:58

were looking to because they knew in themselves is how somehow he must have

16:03

said, how could he say, I'm not creative enough if you reframe it,

16:07

he must not have understood what I had running through my brain because I have

16:12

so much bigger picture that he just doesn't even understand.

16:15

The one thing that my mom was really good at when she was

16:20

raising us was talking power and confidence,

16:24

and she just chose her words. Now that I think back,

16:29

she chose her words so wisely about the way she spoke

16:34

about us. And I feel like the way she talked to us,

16:38

we truly believed that anything was possible. I mean,

16:42

from the second I knew that I was pregnant with Daniel,

16:46

the words were very carefully chosen that I spoke,

16:52

even the thoughts that I took, because I don't know how they say that your baby can

16:58

read your thoughts. I just was so careful with everything I took in

17:04

everything I put out the words.

17:07

I invite you guys to prime your children because

17:12

what you say, they will believe what you say about yourself.

17:16

They will believe. My mom was very careful the way she talked about herself.

17:20

I'm sure she had moments where she wasn't sure because she prayed.

17:25

She prayed a lot for answers.

17:27

But the way you talk about yourself and the way you talk about those

17:32

children, and you got to speak about your children as if they are the wisest,

17:37

kindest, smartest, most beautiful and talented humans on earth,

17:42

what they believe is what they will become.

17:45

I think when me and Charles were starting tap out,

17:49

and it was early on, we're both ex-police officers,

17:52

or I was probably still police officer at the time coming from San Bernardino

17:57

and just not having, we didn't have a business background,

18:00

didn't really have anybody to look up to. I was looking up to him.

18:03

He was like eight years older than I was, so I was somewhat looking to him,

18:07

your father here, but he was still, he's not a business guy either.

18:11

And he's kind of looking at me for some of those things because I had started a

18:14

small business before, so he's looking at me,

18:17

but neither of us really knowing what we're doing,

18:19

but what I needed to see that other people could make.

18:23

I needed to see that somebody like me could create

18:28

something. And once I understood that, I had read books on, or not books,

18:32

but articles on Daymond John, later we became friends,

18:37

but reading his article,

18:41

an article on him about how he had started fubu,

18:44

and I realized that he was just a regular guy too. A guy who just hustled,

18:48

had great ideas, and how can he get his name out there?

18:52

He was in this almost, even though hip hop was a different thing,

18:57

it was growing. He was at that same ground floor level when he started fubu,

19:05

and he was able to grow this company into this a hundred million dollar,

19:09

multi hundred million dollar company, or now maybe a billion dollar company.

19:14

I love that. And we were kind of in the same place.

19:17

So we were at that place at that time when we're at these beginning stages,

19:21

didn't know a lot about the business, but we believed that we could create something big because the sport was

19:28

growing so fast and.

19:30

The stories, that's exactly what happened you had around you.

19:33

I think that that was. A huge, I influence, yeah, I need just see that that was possible.

19:37

And then when I realized that was possible,

19:39

that self-talk change because I

19:44

became this police officer and me came out,

19:47

if they could do it, I can do it. I'm not going to lose.

19:51

I'm not going to die here on the floor.

19:54

I can agree with that a hundred percent. And growing up,

19:58

being in business, that I feel was such a gift because the conversations that were

20:04

had in the store, in the antique store, in the jewelry store,

20:09

especially the jewelry store, because those were the successful entrepreneurs,

20:14

attorneys, doctors, buying gifts,

20:16

and my mom was really great at opening them up

20:21

to conversations and she would share her struggle of

20:26

coming to the country as an immigrant,

20:30

and they would open up and share their stories of failures and sometimes

20:34

bankruptcies, but then here they are back on their feet.

20:39

I would have that in my back pocket as a child. And then growing up,

20:44

as you were saying, looking up to these entrepreneurs,

20:48

and for me, quotes were really big as yourself.

20:51

So that was something we would either, for me,

20:56

I would stick these quotes all over my walls of different entrepreneurs.

21:01

And I love the fact that yes,

21:03

they're all just normal human beings that have

21:08

failed once, twice, sometimes, many times.

21:12

And then here they are back on their feet and they made it.

21:15

I love those stories. Almost more times the better when you hear about, inspire their failures.

21:22

Realize. How much is possible. Yes,

21:25

I needed to see that these people were just like me and they were able to make

21:29

it. I think that's what made, I've told the story before about Tony Robbins and how just watching his

21:35

infomercial and him highlighting the fact that certain people were just

21:40

normal people and that they were through their mindset, able to make it,

21:46

I realized how important the mindset was at that time.

21:50

That really played a part in ultimately,

21:53

and I think I had told the story that ultimately 10 years later,

21:56

I had ran into Tony Robbins in a hotel and told him about

22:01

how he had changed my life. Yeah, that's so cool. And told him about how his teachings on mindset and being able to

22:07

control the way you think changed the way I was thinking,

22:11

and I think played a huge part in our success. And ultimately,

22:17

he put me on his infomercial. I mean, that just, yeah.

22:20

That's so fun is just the craziness, how this can come full circle.

22:23

And again, just speak into your children because I said, oh,

22:28

because it reminded me the story when you were talking of Thomas

22:33

Edison. I love his story of how his teacher sent him home because do you know

22:39

this story. About the letter that she had sent home with him? And I don't think he.

22:43

Did read at the time the teacher sent him home saying that he was mentally

22:47

deficient, basically, that he wasn't smart enough to be in school.

22:52

So his mother told him that he was so smart.

22:56

I don't know exactly. She. Read the letter. I think she had read the letter to him and said, held.

23:02

Back her tears as a strong mama bear. Mama.

23:05

Put her own twist of words on it. And told him he was the most beautiful and smartest child,

23:11

and that this school isn't good enough. So she had to homeschool him,

23:15

and he became the genius of the century because he believed.

23:19

It. Yeah, because she had instilled that belief it in him.

23:24

That just popped into my head. I love that story. And imagine how that could have affected him because he took that with him. God.

23:29

Exactly. And it just changed. It may have changed his whole mindset.

23:33

Absolutely. 100%.

23:36

And that's what we all need to be doing. I read somewhere that,

23:40

because I believe the reason why a lot of us fail,

23:45

if we fail or have these setbacks is because they're.

23:49

Lessons. They lessons. The enemy. Is putting these negative thoughts in our head,

23:55

and we really have to be careful about those things because.

23:59

Yes, it's all a lie. He, it's a lie.

24:01

I read exactly that, that Satan's best lies is that that will never happen.

24:08

Whatever you're thinking about, whatever you're trying to do,

24:11

I could hear him whispering in the back of my head, and if you're listening,

24:14

he's probably whispered in your ear a few times. That will never happen.

24:20

Whatever you're thinking about, that will never happen.

24:23

Well, he can't read your thoughts. So never talk about these things out loud.

24:28

Never say, never commit to the negative thought You

24:34

could train yourself to dodge the thoughts,

24:38

turn it into something else. Acknowledge that that is the devil.

24:42

That is the devil. Don't say it out loud. Do not commit to it.

24:47

Just don't. Never commit it. Refuse to. Believe it. Nope. Never commit to it. I love kids. So what.

24:52

Are the fixes that we can do? What are some of the things that can change

24:58

the way they speak to themselves? Because it's so, so important,

25:02

especially when you don't have a lot of wins under your belt yet.

25:06

Because I think what gave me self-confidence is as you start to have these

25:11

little wins throughout your life, throughout especially your business career or whatever it might be,

25:16

is you start to have these little wins throughout your life.

25:18

You start to gain self-Confidence.

25:21

Confidence, yes. And the momentum.

25:23

Yeah. And it gives you this momentum. But before you get to that point,

25:29

there's a danger of believing the negative

25:33

around you. The people that might either tell you, well,

25:38

that's probably impossible. You see some YouTube star and you're thinking, oh,

25:43

I could never do that. Or especially somebody will tell you,

25:47

that's not possible for us because we come from here or because we're

25:52

this person. Oh gosh, that's terrible. Or because we don't have the money.

25:55

Somebody will always give you a reason. Why you can't. Let me just tell you that anything is possible.

25:59

You just need to learn as much as you can about the thing that you are going

26:04

after. I think one of the main things,

26:07

if you can surround yourself with the people that

26:12

know more than you about the thing that you're trying to go after,

26:16

surround yourself with people that are going to build you up,

26:20

not pull you down the people that you feel most confident

26:24

around that don't make you second guess yourself. If you don't have that,

26:32

listen to a podcast that is going to uplift you to make you feel like

26:37

anything is possible. Read books, books, books.

26:41

Most of people, four people, there's so much more around you.

26:45

There's so much. That you may not have had 20 years ago that weren't available to you,

26:50

especially in the way that they are today. But between podcasts and audio books and

26:56

coaching. Consuming content coaching.

26:59

YouTube, there's no excuse anymore. There's no excuse.

27:04

There's way too much out there to help get your mindset straight so

27:09

that you don't have these types of issues.

27:11

And the words that you say, the words that you think have immense power.

27:16

I would say, and this is something that I learned as a little girl,

27:20

and I hope that I know that my kids,

27:23

when they get scared or something,

27:27

they don't ever have thoughts of that. They can't do anything.

27:30

They truly believe anything is possible,

27:33

but they do have whispers of fear. But my daughter yesterday,

27:37

she already said, I'm feeling scared,

27:41

but I know that that's a lie. So can we pray together?

27:46

Because I do know that in the Bible that

27:51

God says to fear not. So let's get this feeling out of my head.

27:56

This is something that I learned when I was young. Whatever it is,

28:00

pray about it. Pray about it,

28:02

and thank God like it's already happened. If thank you, God,

28:07

for bringing the right people into my life and weeding out the wrong people,

28:11

whatever it is, I'm just giving you a little example of some of the things that I say when I'm

28:17

praying like it's already happened. I'm not in a good spot.

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Pray like it's already happened. Thank God for the blessings that you do have.

28:28

You cannot be scared and grateful at the same time.

28:32

Yes, prayer is so powerful.

28:34

You can't have negative thoughts at the same. Time. Once you.

28:37

Can't, you're grateful. And our daughter.

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I lost my thought, but you know what I'm saying.

28:43

She's doing cartwheels and I've got my weights around here.

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So she's a little firecracker,

28:50

but she knows anything is possible.

28:53

I love what Joel Osteen says. He says that when a negative thought comes your, oh,

29:00

what does he say? I can't remember the words Now, when a negative thought comes into your mind, erase it and replace it.

29:06

That's what he says. Yes. Erase it, erase it, and replace it. And it's like,

29:09

because it's important to not only get that negative thought out of your

29:14

mind, but then replace it with something that.

29:17

You say it out loud because So you.

29:19

Change your whole mindset. Exactly. Exactly.

29:23

The thought will come and then say it out loud in a positive way,

29:28

and then you know who the enemy, he'll run the other way.

29:33

If there's anything that you're going through right now, there's so much material out there to just change everything.

29:38

Your whole mindset that were not available 20 years ago,

29:43

30 years ago, we're so lucky. And so we're so fortunate today in 2024.

29:48

So if you need to, whether that's speak to somebody, get a coach,

29:53

get on YouTube, read the right book.

29:55

There's so many audio books and regular reading books, however,

29:59

whatever type of intake you like, and it just,

30:02

there's so much content out there for you to be able to take in.

30:06

Did you just say that on our podcast? Did. You really just say that I did, because someone else may need it.

30:10

That you can take this information in, get your head straight.

30:13

Self-talk is so important. I think it's so important in a positive way,

30:18

but also to make sure you're not doing it in a negative way.

30:22

Yes. So thank you guys for listening to this episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast.

30:26

Oh. Real quick. And. Do the inventory, because the five people that you surround yourself with,

30:32

you will become. So make sure that they're thinking positive and talking positive.

30:36

And thank you guys for tuning in. If you know anybody who this can help,

30:40

anybody who's going through something like this, who's starting a new business,

30:44

who's down on themselves a little bit, not only help them out,

30:48

but maybe help them out by sending in this podcast, let them know that we are,

30:53

everybody goes through this stuff, and that's something that's so important that they're not alone.

30:58

You're not alone in this journey,

31:01

that we've all gone through this. No matter where you are on that journey,

31:05

that you can always be better and that you should look back and try to help

31:09

other people that are behind you. So thank you guys for tuning in our kids here,

31:13

and this whole podcast is going to a whole nother place.

31:17

So thank you guys for tuning in and we will catch you guys next week. God.

31:21

Bless. Time for Jesus. Aw, God bless you guys. Thank you for teaming.

31:37

Go picnic. Go pick. Go picnic. Go pick. We're going to have a picnic tomorrow.

31:43

God bless you guys. Thank you guys.

31:46

For joining the podcast. See you next week.

31:49

Enjoy this episode of the Pretty and Punk Podcast.

31:53

Make sure to subscribe and like we love you guys. God bless.

31:57

We're ing listening to the Pretty and

32:02

Podcast. Please have a good day.

32:07

See you next week.