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Prompt Us is a production of I Heart Radio.

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Welcome back to the prompt Us podcast.

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You may have heard of us talked about these episodes

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in previous episodes of the podcast. The

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lost tapes are episodes that we recorded

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before Lockdown, before we couldn't

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visit each other, which makes these episodes almost

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two years old. Crazy. They're almost

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like our demo mix tape episodes. Ladies

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and gentlemen, welcome back to

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the prompt Us podcast. Where you

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start the conversation. We will

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be discussing topics focusing on personal,

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spiritual, and professional growth.

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I am Gabriel Conti, and to my left

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we have your favorite Smash Brothers

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characters, Zachary Stains, and to our

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rights we have of glass

0:42

half full of water Chad Masters. Zach

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has like all these things prepared, and just like he

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always chat for a lim I'm just like, wow, I

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need to say, like, okay, maybe I'm the optimistic

0:54

one, so my glass half full.

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But then I just said a glass half of water,

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the last half full of water? Chat, how

1:03

are we doing? We're doing good? Doing

1:05

better now? After that delicious intro, oh

1:08

yeah, I just had a heap of cookies and

1:10

my buddy is struggling anyway, So we we're feeling

1:12

great around around

1:15

now. Um, if you don't know or you haven't

1:17

been here before, basically what we do is,

1:20

uh, we are directed

1:22

to talk based off we're

1:25

directed to speak. Welcome to the

1:27

podcast. No, we

1:29

have three prompts sitting on the table that we're submitted

1:32

by the audience themselves,

1:34

and they are directing us to talk about

1:36

a specific topic. Now. We have three prompts

1:39

on the table which we have not seen before, and

1:41

they are on these cards that I have in my hand

1:43

right now. We don't know what

1:47

We don't know what is on any of these

1:49

cards right now because my beautiful

1:51

wife Jess, and

1:54

Zach's beautiful fiance Chelsea, and

1:56

a few other people who were involved, Yeah, Tory,

1:59

my wife, Chad's wife, and a

2:01

beautiful friend and our vitiful friend Jake. We're

2:03

just naming everyone every podcast was involved. Pick

2:05

these prompts without us, no

2:08

wing, without telling us anything, and we are pulling

2:10

one from this stack of three to discuss

2:13

what today's podcast is

2:15

about. Now, I think Chad, is it your turn

2:18

to to pull one. I'm gonna fan these out in front

2:20

of you while you're doing that chat. If

2:22

you guys do want to ask a question or give us a prompt

2:24

or you have to do his head to Our social media is social

2:27

media as well. Thanks dad, um

2:30

and just d m s and hit

2:32

us up with your questions and yeah, we'll try to get as many

2:34

as we can. Yeah. Prompt us podcast

2:36

on that is at Prompts podcast on Instagram

2:39

and Twitter. Just DMUs on there, Hey kid, Chad's

2:42

ready with the prompt. Baby, here

2:44

we go. Prompt What

2:46

do men really look for in women?

2:49

Oh? No, that

2:51

is not it. Oh my gosh, that's what

2:53

it is. Due, let's get in with thet

2:56

What men? Yeah, I know this is

2:58

a good one. It would be good to do one with the girls

3:01

on it and see what they anyway,

3:04

we should keep. But

3:06

that is what do men really look for in woman?

3:08

Depends which men you're talking about, honestly, But

3:11

I can only speak for myself and you should

3:14

and I myself, You

3:16

guys can speak for me. Oh

3:19

my gosh, do you who wants

3:22

to who wants to take this one? Start

3:24

us? Who wants to start us off today? Why don't you start

3:26

us off? Gave me? Oh my gosh, what two men really

3:28

look for? And what do

3:31

men really look for in women? Listen,

3:37

guys, listen, Jake, I

3:45

I'm trying to like, guys,

3:47

if one thing you know about this podcast

3:49

is we don't know what the prompts are. We have no time to prepare,

3:52

so it's kind of just like on the fly. We're

3:54

answering the questions right away, so as I give

3:57

myself some time together my thoughts. Okay,

4:00

I'll speak from experience

4:03

with like my wife.

4:06

I was my pursuit

4:08

with Jess, in pursuing a relationship

4:11

and into marriage and stuff like that was very intentional.

4:13

So I was looking for obviously she was

4:16

like beautifully stunning, and I was like, dude,

4:18

this atten,

4:21

thank you very much God for pretty person in my

4:23

life. And um,

4:25

so that like, obviously there's like the physical

4:27

things. I think men will always be

4:29

attracted to certain women just based off like

4:32

being a dude

4:34

and that you know, that's nature,

4:38

and um,

4:40

those are things that obviously attract you to

4:43

you know, those certain people. But I think beyond

4:45

that, there's so much more that is like the important

4:47

stuff to really be looking for in

4:49

a woman. And so like for myself

4:52

and Jess, I knew one

4:54

thing that I was looking for as far as

4:56

like a wife or someone that I wanted

4:58

to, you know, marry first

5:01

and foremost, they needed to love Jesus and have a relationship

5:03

with God, you know. So that's one

5:06

thing. More

5:08

things were like the

5:12

way like we were asking hard questions right away.

5:15

Honestly, it was like four

5:17

times sixty, not

5:20

those you're just staring

5:22

at at a dinner three. No,

5:27

But I'm like this this kind of goes

5:29

on to what we talked about on the last podcast. Was

5:33

like we were asking we were talking about

5:35

like how we'd want to raise

5:37

our kids, and the way

5:39

we even viewed relationships with

5:42

each other, the way we viewed marriage, you

5:45

know, the way we viewed just just so many

5:47

things, and like those important things

5:50

were stuff that I was looking for,

5:52

especially coming from a position where I

5:55

had been in a previous, previous relationship

5:58

that did not go well and I

6:00

was actually cheated on. I knew I had

6:02

like a bunch of, like I

6:05

guess, red flags

6:07

and things that I knew to look for

6:10

in a woman because

6:13

of what I had already gone through. Yeah,

6:15

but I don't know if I'm like answering this question right,

6:18

because it says, what do men really look for. I

6:20

mean, I know what I mean. Yeah, dude, I think

6:22

you're hitting it right on the head if

6:24

I you know, I had some things that my

6:26

wife likes to call non negotiables. So

6:29

shout out to my wife Tory. Whenever

6:31

she's meeting with one of her girlfriends

6:34

about who is like it was having some maybe

6:36

some relationship issues or some questions

6:38

or different things like that, she makes them

6:40

right out there non negotiables, which obviously

6:42

stand for things that they're not willing to negotiate

6:45

on. These are things that are written, These are things I'm

6:47

looking for that it's not like it's

6:50

it's not okay if they don't have it. And

6:52

first off, before people get upset, that's okay.

6:54

This is your relationship. You're allowed to say

6:57

I'm not interested in X, I'm not interested

6:59

in why. That's totally okay. The relationship

7:01

is very important. And she makes

7:03

these girls sign this non negotiable paper

7:06

that she makes them right about, and then she makes him sign it and she

7:08

loves it, and then whenever they get into

7:10

relationships she will go through this with

7:12

them. I mean, do my wife's hardcore, dude, that

7:14

is hardcore, and so gonna give us an example

7:16

of like what some of those things might be just those

7:18

are personal but between her

7:21

and her friends. I don't absolutely

7:24

so mine. Actually I didn't write them down, but

7:26

I had them in the back of my head. And these

7:28

are in no particular order, but somewhere.

7:31

Um, if I got sick, would

7:33

my wife leave me? That's a

7:35

hard question, and like a lot of people don't think about

7:37

that, but you hear it all the time. So and so

7:40

got sick with a chronic illness, which

7:42

means that they deal with it for a long time

7:44

and then someone doesn't want to be there throughout the long haul

7:46

and then they bail. Or if I lost

7:48

my job, would my wife step up to rally

7:51

for the family or would she resent me for

7:53

losing my job. That's

7:55

actually crazy because I

7:57

don't. That's just like HiT's a quarter with me on a

8:00

personal level, just a lot of what I've talked about

8:02

in the past. Yeah, absolutely, with me

8:04

having to stop working, just really

8:07

step your family,

8:09

And she did it with with with gladness,

8:12

not even there wasn't even a question, not

8:14

even about of an eye, which is incredibly

8:16

attractive for at least I can speak for myself,

8:18

you know what, I mean, but from from the guys

8:21

at the table, I'm sure a character

8:23

trait like that is, like you know what I mean,

8:25

like like if you're watching on YouTube right now,

8:27

like you know that whole lip bite. You

8:30

know, you

8:32

know the models out here. It's

8:35

a real thing. Man. Something else

8:37

wasn't non negotiable is that, Uh,

8:40

she has to feel confident in correcting

8:42

me, but she's also got to be humble enough

8:44

to receive correction from me. Okay,

8:47

she also needs to love Jesus

8:50

more than she loves me. That's

8:52

a non negotiable. And so I you know,

8:54

I probably had five more. I can't.

8:56

I can't think I'm off off top of my head right now. But

8:59

those were ones that were just like, those are

9:01

things I'm really looking for because the

9:03

Bible says that um, beauty

9:07

is fleeting and charm is deceitful, but a

9:09

woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

9:11

I don't know the reference, sorry,

9:13

but it's true. You know who

9:15

doesn't you know, who's not attracted

9:17

to say, a beautiful woman who's charming. You

9:20

know, that's so easy, you know,

9:22

but guess what that can be fleeting

9:24

and deceitful and so but

9:26

a woman who fears the lords to be praised and so

9:29

well, dude, I mean, and I

9:32

say this because like I know a lot of people out here in l A.

9:34

So I like say this not lightly, but look

9:37

at l A. There's

9:39

so many divorces and relationships

9:41

are shallow, and it's just like when

9:45

I was I was in l A for a while, you know, before

9:47

meeting Jess, and I was just like I was at this point

9:49

where I'm like, I'm never going to find someone

9:52

because I was just it was in this environment. That's

9:54

so you had to go all the way

9:56

to Australia. I had to find someone on the other

9:58

side of the world. Let's but

10:00

you know, yeah, that that is a big, big

10:02

thing. Is the the

10:04

initial lust that's there that is

10:07

so easy, that is especially to guys,

10:10

is so appealing and so

10:12

it can so easily misguide you. And

10:15

how important it is to be aware

10:17

of that and to know that there's

10:19

so many things to look for beyond

10:22

like what I mentioned before. It's like Jess was so beautiful,

10:25

but there was way more beyond that that I needed

10:27

to really, I guess,

10:30

like decipher

10:33

or like look through to see

10:35

like, oh, is this person really someone who I want to spend

10:37

the rest of my life with, you know, like, are you guys

10:39

gonna be able to tell the test of time?

10:42

You know. It's like that book by Rich Workers in JR. It's

10:44

called Sandcastle Kings, And there's so many

10:46

people that are building their kingdoms

10:48

on sand, you know, and so whenever

10:50

there's a storm of any kind, it washes it away.

10:53

And so if you're building on things that are

10:55

fleeting or deceitful or just um

10:58

just surface level. I mean, this is not even

11:00

a sound aggressive to people that are interested, because

11:02

it's by the way, my wife smoking hot.

11:05

That's okay, you know, smoking hot, check

11:07

her out, you know, but

11:10

I really don't, you know, but only

11:12

I can check her out. And

11:14

so it's okay for those things, but it has

11:17

to go deeper. The foundation has to be

11:19

more exactly Yeah,

11:21

I mean I was, I know, for me, um

11:23

a big thing that I was looking for. I mean, similar

11:25

to you, Gabe, like just being messed around

11:28

in in previous relationships and stuff

11:30

like that. And for people that I'm like, yeah, I've living

11:32

I'd bury this person and I know those

11:35

what I learned from those relationships is just

11:37

so invaluable you know about myself,

11:39

but about what I wanted in a person,

11:41

in a woman, and like I know, for

11:44

me, a big one was someone who just who

11:46

was support Obviously we all want

11:48

people that are supportive but understanding of I

11:50

guess what my dreams and ambitions were, Um,

11:53

actually yeah, because i mean back in back

11:56

in a Bridge, Vegas where I'm from Brisbane. You

11:58

know, like it's it's

12:00

it's

12:02

so funny people people

12:04

from people from Brisban say, so that's the problem,

12:08

but like it's a smaller

12:10

it's a smaller town and which can sometimes

12:13

be better in terms of meeting people because you don't have a little

12:15

option. Um but

12:20

seriousness. That's why to l

12:22

A she had to get the head out of people.

12:26

But you know, like a big thing was like

12:29

you know, in this it's a middle class town and so

12:31

I'm not out here being like yeah, I'm I'm about

12:33

to become nothing wrong being in the accountant,

12:36

but I'm not out here becoming an accountant and I'm

12:38

going to hustle that to become the manager of the firm.

12:40

Like I'm not doing that. So a big thing I

12:42

was looking forward with someone who was like wow, I love

12:44

that you love music in the way that you do in the capacity

12:47

you do. I love that you want to be creative and I'm

12:49

going to support you, even though

12:51

that's not necessarily a guaranteed great

12:54

income every single day. And it was it's

12:56

not popular in the environment that like

12:59

you would find someone you have to be a musician

13:01

to find a girl, because that's the sexy thing to do,

13:03

right. I had to go to Florida to find one. So you're

13:06

probably right, yeah, you know saying but

13:08

like back in Brisbane, I was like no, like you were

13:10

dumb, silly whatever it was for

13:13

trying to push from music. And so that's obviously

13:15

why I feel very blessed that Chelsea is as supportive

13:17

as she is in that space, because

13:20

I say to a have babe, I want to start this business

13:22

or whatever it is, and she's like, all right, we'll show me how that's

13:24

going to work. I'm like okay, rather

13:27

than be like, yeah, look, I think that's kind of dangerous

13:29

for our future. I don't, which

13:31

is fine, you know if some if people think

13:33

about that way. But I mean there's being smart about it,

13:36

obviously if you're not self aware

13:38

enough. But the other person is it's discouraging ambition

13:40

is different, and that's definitely what Chelsea

13:43

does. She encourages the ambition. Well, dude, it would

13:45

be stupid, It would be It would be stupid

13:47

for anyone to say that you don't

13:49

have a talent in music and to discourage you from that,

13:51

because you're so talented in music and it's so

13:53

clearly obvious. So I'd be weird for someone to discourage

13:56

you from that, you know what I mean? Zachary stance following

13:59

guys, thank you, But I mean, and it's funny

14:01

that you said. I appreciate that you say that, bro, because in

14:04

all the other relationships I had, I felt like it

14:06

was silly really, you know. And

14:08

I felt like, you know, like people were out there

14:10

again in their unity degrees and stuff, and that's fine. And these

14:13

girls that are girls, those heaps

14:15

of them. No, No, it wasn't eat. But the people that

14:17

I was spending all these all these

14:19

smoking hotbait and I'm kidding, um,

14:22

but you know, all these people that I was spending time with, it

14:25

would get to a point after a few months where it was

14:27

like, are you going to like focus on me

14:29

or you're going to focus on music? You know,

14:31

and obviously there was some deeper stuff there, a balance

14:33

of work life, so it was like an ultimatum. Yeah,

14:35

usually I ended in this awkward like, well,

14:37

I don't think I'm going to give up my dreams

14:39

and ambitions for one

14:42

person. I want to find someone who I can I

14:44

can I'm happy to sacrifice. I'm happy

14:46

to find ways to sacrifice because

14:48

they're also sacrificing for me, you

14:50

know. And it's it's so cool to hear that because I've

14:53

always heard that described as celebrating the

14:55

calling that's on your life, and whenever

14:57

you have a calling on your life, you're annoying

15:00

it in that that means that it's going to happen. And

15:02

I think that's someone can either be your greatest

15:04

asset, your greatest liability, and your marriage

15:06

typically will be that. So they're either

15:08

going to celebrate you and the

15:10

things that God has put on your heart, or they're

15:13

going to deter you from that plan. Could you

15:15

imagine having to choose between God's

15:17

plan and what they and what someone else wants?

15:19

And that's like, yeah, that's crazy because to think

15:22

about like what you're saying before, Gabe, about like looking

15:24

beyond the last part of it or the kind of honeymoon

15:26

period like I'm just stoked that I'm with a smoking

15:29

hot babe. Like, once you're past that point,

15:31

those questions become like they come

15:33

forward, you know, And that's definitely where

15:35

I found myself. It was like, oh wait a second,

15:37

like these people are going to have a problem

15:40

with me wanting to tour, Like that's

15:42

a genuine thing that tells you and I talked about

15:44

I'm like, hey, like I would love

15:46

to be like in a situation where music does

15:48

so well that I have to be away for six

15:50

months. And the conversation then turns in,

15:53

so what are you hoping

15:55

that you can do with me on tour or you're gonna

15:57

stay, Like that's a big question,

15:59

you know that I think no one

16:01

has to really ask anyone, But in

16:04

my situation, that's the ambition on my heart. It's

16:06

a conversation worth having. Yeah, fully,

16:08

so I know for me, it was just finding someone who

16:10

like supported that ambition beyond

16:13

just supporting it, but also wanted to be involved in

16:15

it. That was a big thing, you know, Like I love

16:17

the you guys both work with your wives, and

16:19

I think that's like so such

16:21

an incredible thing. Obviously.

16:24

I mean, you guys can talk about it more like what comes with

16:26

that and what that means. But I

16:28

know for me, that gets me so jacked

16:30

to think about that. I get to like create with

16:32

shells, make like something

16:35

which else that we're proud of, but we also

16:37

get to live on that, you know. So that's

16:40

that that was like a big thing

16:42

on my end, I guess. But I have a weird question

16:44

for you guys. That's such a that's such a good

16:46

answer. I'm like happy that you answered that.

16:48

That's like I was worried if that was like to like

16:51

business focused. Now it's

16:53

you know, I cover some emotional stuff and it's you know,

16:56

you work. What if between

16:58

forty and six of week,

17:01

you know a lot of your life and our

17:03

lives are work. It's an important

17:05

topic to talk about, you know what I mean? Yeah,

17:07

what We're gonna have a weird question for you guys, if this is

17:09

okay? Have you guys ever heard the quote

17:12

that you end up marrying your mom or you end up

17:14

marrying your dad. Yes, we should.

17:16

We've been talking about that. We were talking about

17:18

this week. Dude, Okay, I would love

17:20

to hear that you love to hear, how

17:23

what are your thoughts on that and

17:25

how how does that relate to your

17:28

your mom and Chelsea? And

17:30

then of course you're okay mom

17:33

to first I we

17:35

were talking about this the other day, and the funny

17:37

thing I found is that, I mean, I love my mom to bits.

17:40

I really really do love her, um,

17:42

but Chelsea is not really like her in the

17:45

sense of I'm more like my mom than Chelsea is

17:47

like my mom. And I think that actually

17:49

just comes more from a learning

17:51

and growing place. It would be really funny if,

17:53

like two years time, we're doing the podcast,

17:56

the question comes up, my man, Chelse is

17:58

just like my mom, you know. And what you did?

18:00

You did say this week that she was like your step

18:02

mom. Well, yeah, that's what I was gonna say, you know, like I

18:05

um shout out Shrine with a legend, but you

18:07

know, like, um, I found um,

18:11

but she I found that. Chelsea's what

18:14

I loved about Sharine and what I love

18:16

about her personality. Chelsea actually was a

18:18

lot of those things. And now I'm in this situation

18:20

where I guess I'm not something I think about a lot because

18:23

it doesn't really matter, but it's very

18:25

interesting. Yeah, and I find myself

18:27

like, Oh, that's something my mom would do, and then oh, that's

18:29

something Sharne would do. And it's just really interesting

18:32

that Chelsea is kind of almost my favorite parts

18:34

of both my parents. Yeah, but that's pretty cool. That's

18:36

really interesting too as far as tying it back to the question,

18:38

it's like what do men really look for in women and like

18:40

evaluating it on that kind of level

18:43

because like, for me, I'm

18:45

the opposite of Zach where I see

18:47

so many qualities that

18:49

Jess has that I see so many qualities

18:51

in Jeff that my mom has, you know what I mean, Like

18:54

they're just so we talked about

18:56

angiograms like type two helper

18:59

wanting to help, just like

19:01

supportive and

19:03

it's just kind of weird, you

19:06

know, but then also the opposite

19:08

of that. Jess has also said that I'm similar

19:10

to her dad and on like

19:13

on like Chet dis pounded

19:15

me, Fis

19:18

bumped me. There we go you um

19:23

and Uh, it's just I

19:26

don't know, It's not that it's like good or bad

19:28

or weird or anything, but it's just like it is what

19:30

it like on I think because Jess's

19:32

dad is really creative and Um

19:34

is into like coming

19:36

up with ideas, and he's a teacher, so he comes up

19:38

with ideas and builds them out within

19:41

the school and like, you know, just creative

19:43

on every level. And that's

19:46

how like me like wanting

19:48

to do all this work and entertainment and stuff like that into

19:51

you know, the digital space and everything,

19:53

and that's such. It's interesting. It's just it's

19:55

just interesting. Yeah, it's definitely interesting. It can be weird

19:57

to talk about two, but that's the whole you I

20:00

think that's the big question of

20:02

nature versus nurture. You know, there

20:04

are biological things inside of us as

20:06

men that desire certain things. Like

20:08

this is gonna sound super weird, sorry for your

20:10

ears, but wide hips

20:13

men tend to like that because it shows birth giving

20:15

qualities. It's something that's in our DNA

20:18

that desires that. It's an actual thing.

20:21

And so I'm not can you it's

20:23

and that's not my scien. That's yes,

20:25

science science, you know, and

20:28

so but it's the whole nature of nurture. But if

20:30

you're also Zacks out here, he's like what

20:33

what? But then there's

20:35

the nurture side of things, which is if you were

20:37

raised a certain way, you know, your whole

20:39

life around a woman, your mom,

20:42

and there's certain things that you look for and it's

20:44

it's I agree. I mean, I'm I'm definitely like

20:47

you in that sense. Gave that Tori

20:49

reminds me of my mom so much. She's just such

20:51

a hard worker for her family and she's

20:53

so intentional and kind and

20:56

and it's just just so many things. I'm just like, dang,

20:58

Like it's absolutely true for me. And

21:00

I'm not like ashamed of it all because my mom's like my

21:03

mom's dope, what is

21:05

the best, And so

21:07

I'm not mad about it at all. And and I can

21:09

see this is another quality that

21:11

men are, specifically me, I look

21:14

for, and and a woman is you know, do

21:16

they want children and what type of mom

21:18

will they be? Because I absolutely want children,

21:21

and I mean, Toy is gonna be amazing, you

21:23

know, And so I think that, you know, I

21:26

see the way my mom was with my brother and me,

21:29

and I see that. I'm just like, dang, like I hope

21:31

that we can raise our chows like that. And I met

21:33

my wife and I'm just like wow, like she's

21:35

probably gonna be a better parent than me. And I want to

21:38

be an amazing dad. You know what I mean, like

21:40

legit, like I I still I'm study you guys always

21:42

make fun of me, like Chad the dad, you know, I

21:44

can't wait for that, and she's, yeah,

21:46

she's gonna hold it down. And so it is

21:48

a real conversation of nature versus nurture.

21:51

But also I think explaining on that point something

21:53

that justin I kind of uh,

21:55

I don't know. I guess that's just how I view things

21:58

um in our relationships, since that's the question,

22:00

what do mentorally form woman? UM?

22:04

When I look at our relationship, I

22:07

see like, uh,

22:09

how would you say, like a team side by side

22:11

thing of us when it comes to those

22:14

things like parenting and stuff. How

22:17

are we going to work together? And is their willingness

22:19

on her part to work together two

22:23

become better parents together, and become

22:25

a better couple together, and become better friends

22:28

together and because and all those things, like is

22:30

there even that willingness to grow together. That's a huge

22:32

one for me because I'm personally

22:34

I'm like a huge fan of

22:36

I guess like self improvement and always

22:39

and that's like part of the reason why we're doing the podcast is because

22:41

we're all really big on like improving

22:44

improving ourselves and seeing areas of our life

22:46

that we can work on and talking about those things

22:48

and encouraging each other and building those things, and

22:50

how can we do better, um in our

22:53

relationships with you know, our wives

22:55

or significant others, and what can we do better

22:57

on a business level, you know, what can we do better

23:00

on a relationship level with our friendships

23:02

and stuff like that. So I

23:04

think it's cool having someone else who's

23:07

just as motivated to do

23:09

those things, and together we can move forward

23:12

step by step in um,

23:15

in growing and in learning

23:18

and in bettering ourselves

23:21

as future parents, as current

23:25

parents of a wonderful dog, and

23:27

uh, you know, as as husband and wife

23:29

and just in all those aspects, and we're just constantly

23:32

pushing each other to do better and to

23:34

grow. I think one thing that I would love to hear

23:37

you guys answer is how

23:39

have you noticed those kind

23:41

of things that men look for and women? How have you

23:43

noticed those show themselves as

23:46

character traits? And your fiance Zac and then

23:48

in your wife Gabe, because like, just for example,

23:50

with Tori, it's not like, you

23:52

know, it's not like there's an Intagram test

23:54

where he's like, oh wow, she has good character you

23:56

know what I mean. Like a lot of things can be It

23:58

can be discussed through conversation, like you know,

24:00

do you want children? If you know, how do you

24:02

feel about that? Or you know, but

24:05

actions speak so loud in this

24:07

type of topic. Like I remember a quick story

24:10

where Tory was living in Florida. We were dating long

24:12

this since I'm I was out here in l A. And

24:14

my mom is starting a furniture business where

24:16

she redes furniture like she

24:19

finds she repurposes it and

24:21

and uh, and she gets really nervous to

24:23

drive those big U haul trucks. And

24:26

Tori only lived about forty five minutes away

24:28

um from my mom, and so she drove

24:30

over to Lakeland and and she

24:33

and she like sent a picture of her my

24:35

mom and the U Hall and she was help my mom

24:37

drive the U haul. And then later on

24:39

she sent a picture of her my dad cooking

24:42

dinner. She was just having dinner with my family and

24:44

I wasn't even there. And it showed number

24:46

one that she valued family. Number two that she

24:48

valued my family, and and

24:50

it showed like it's just my dad

24:52

and I always say that we get along over the three

24:54

fs, which is football

24:56

fishing and food. Okay, and we

24:59

really bond over this. That's the most American

25:01

thing I've ever heard. And

25:03

and and uh, Tori was willing to see

25:05

something that's so important to my dad, which is cooking

25:07

and food. He loves it, and she spent

25:09

time with it. Tory hates to cook, she hates

25:12

it, she does not like but she was willing

25:14

to do it with my dad. Doesn't just trying to win your heart. I

25:16

was able to see that. And so how have

25:18

you guys, how how have you

25:20

actually seen things that Chelsea Chess has

25:22

done and look and received it as like, oh wow,

25:25

that's a that's a really good character trait that I'm

25:27

looking for. I have one in particular.

25:30

Um, my family is very

25:32

loud, very crazy. What

25:35

what I don't know what you're talking about,

25:37

bro Um.

25:40

My family is very loud, very crazy.

25:42

And we whenever, like Jesse and I

25:44

are back in town, there's always like some usually

25:47

there's some like family hangout where it's like the ons and uncles

25:49

come over and stuff. And me

25:52

in particular, as far as like cousins are

25:54

concerned, there's no one. At

25:56

the age of me and my older brother were like

25:58

right next to each other. I'm a year younger than

26:00

him, and then all of our other cousins are

26:02

like six years younger

26:05

than me, or we have two

26:07

other cousins who are like

26:09

six I think six years older than my

26:12

older brother. So we're like in this gap where we never really

26:14

had uh

26:16

like people to hang out. So we have a lot of younger

26:18

cousins, right, And then there's

26:21

when we have I have one younger

26:23

cousin who is just

26:26

much younger, and she was adopted into the

26:28

family, and she loves the attention

26:31

of like Jess and my

26:33

sister Sophie, and she just loves to be around

26:35

the girls. And Jess would

26:37

spend the entire

26:40

family hang out with

26:42

her because she knew that

26:44

Belin wanted that

26:47

attention and wanted to hang out with Jess. And I was

26:49

like, wow, Jess is really going Jess

26:51

is really willing to spend time with

26:54

the kids, and is going to be willing to spend time

26:56

with our kids and really like nurture

26:59

them and bring And it was just so cool seeing the

27:01

way she interacted with her as well. I

27:03

feel like I explained that kind of bad, but that was just like,

27:06

it's so attractive to see that yeah, just

27:08

like something. And I'm outside like with my brother

27:10

and like my little brother just like playing football

27:12

and stuff or whatever, just like messing around. And

27:15

then I walked back inside and

27:17

it's just like

27:19

taking care of of kids. So

27:21

cool. Yeah, that's cute. You're

27:24

cute, Jack, You're cute. It

27:27

sounds so weird to the microphone because like so

27:29

intimate. It sounds like we literally sitting

27:32

on top of each other. I

27:34

mean, how would they know we're not unless they're watching it. Wow,

27:38

I'm trying to think. I mean that I have good ones like tells

27:41

in that sense for me with

27:43

family stuff. Um, she's

27:46

my family, So dude, your family and

27:48

my family in the same room would be like more

27:50

like too much for us. Just my

27:52

family gets a lot for me too. Sometimes

27:54

I just started hanging out and she's like look

27:56

at me, and I'm like, yeah, it's time. Yeah,

27:58

And it's my family. I love being allowed with them.

28:01

And then once I'm done, I'm done. Like

28:03

and so Chelsea really puts up with not puts

28:06

up with it, but you know, like she really puts in the hard

28:08

yards to stay engaged and to

28:11

try and be loud for someone that is quite

28:13

reserved, which is what I love about

28:15

her. Um, but something

28:17

that she was doing I mean to link

28:20

to what I was talking about at the start, she would

28:22

um, I'm like, you know, I've

28:24

talked about as a previous episode where I've been like,

28:26

oh, like she encouraged me about my music. But

28:29

she would start telling me like, oh,

28:31

I told this person about your music today, and

28:33

I told them about how you made it, and I

28:35

broke it down for them and they're really excited.

28:38

And and it was just like little things like that

28:40

that made me realize that she was putting in the energy too

28:42

for words affirmation, um, and

28:45

putting in the energy to like, hey, I told

28:47

someone that you were sick. Sounds so silly,

28:49

but I told someone you were sick, they also think

28:51

you're sick. I'm telling you because I know that

28:53

you appreciate hearing this, you know. And

28:55

And that was I guess a big thing. Um

28:58

suggest you know you know that she support What do I

29:00

think she's not just like showing publicly supportive

29:02

Yeah, you know, like she's not just like oh yeah

29:04

that is cool, and then that's it, I think And

29:07

I as much as I try to be for her, and I think

29:09

that was that was a big thing, um

29:11

off the gate, you know. And it's even a bigger

29:13

step for her because she is more reserved.

29:16

So not only show you

29:18

love with those words of aff that you like so

29:20

much, but it's also to step out of a shell

29:22

and do it in a public place where she typically

29:25

maybe wouldn't. He's even a bigger

29:27

step totally. It shows intentionality exactly

29:29

that and that's the Yeah, that's what. That's definitely the better

29:32

way to say, you know. And even things like coming to church with

29:34

me and you know, like we did um we

29:36

did the Christmas production together and I was taking

29:38

photos for her and she was like slide of stage

29:40

helping out. And I know that was really really

29:42

out of her comfort zone, you know, like and

29:45

I know after the first night or so, she was emotional

29:47

about it because she hadn't been put in that position

29:49

with that responsibility and that was stressing her out. She didn't

29:51

want to let anyone down. But weirdly

29:54

that was encouraging for me that she put herself

29:56

in a position to be

29:58

held responsible and you know, to actually

30:01

get involved. Yeah, you know, and and

30:03

not that she hasn't done that before and she's done

30:05

you know, She's taken risks before and

30:07

things like that, but to do it alongside me,

30:09

that was like, you know, to be like, oh, I

30:11

want to be here with you and also help if I can,

30:14

you know. That was Yeah. I know it sounds

30:16

silly because I think we're all just naturally those

30:18

people, but if it, Chelsea took a lot of courage

30:21

to do that, and so that was a

30:23

big one for me. It was just seeing her faith that

30:25

it's gonna be all right, even though I'm like overwhelmed,

30:27

you know, like that this will be okay. But

30:29

yeah, yeah, I don't know, it's cool. I

30:32

had to something I had to do with this prompt

30:35

you know, what do you men really look for in

30:37

women? I had to spend just as much

30:39

time, you know, kind

30:41

of thinking of those non negotiables for me

30:44

as I did having to think about what is my future

30:46

wife looking for and working on that self.

30:48

For me, I had that is even more time

30:50

on that. That's just that what I was saying in

30:53

the previous podcast, say that in this wasn't

30:55

in this podcast. The way you act as what you're tracked Dan,

30:59

this podcast have become one that was a previous one. I'm

31:01

pretty sure that was the previous time. The way you act as what you're attracting,

31:03

that's so cool that you're thinking that, being like, what do I want

31:05

to see in my future wife? I

31:07

need to start acting like that because

31:11

the qualities that I

31:14

want in another person and

31:16

that standard that I have for them

31:19

is the standard I should have for myself. Exactly exactly,

31:22

Dude. I love that, and you know to

31:24

to not repeat that, but to take it

31:26

even a step further. Taking a step

31:28

further, baby. That's something that has helped make

31:31

marriage easier for Tory and I

31:33

in the in this first year, is that

31:35

we you know, we've heard some stories from some of our friends who

31:37

have confided us and Mike Man, this is a hard time

31:39

or which it is. Marriage is actually

31:41

it can be a really hard thing. And

31:44

and I think it's been easier for Tory and

31:46

I in certain circumstances because we

31:49

we were we were acting

31:51

like a married I gotta be careful the way I say

31:54

this. We were acting like like I was acting

31:56

like a husband, for I was married, but not a husband to her.

31:58

I was just acting like a husband in and so

32:00

we weren't like playing marriage before we

32:02

were married. But I wasn't doing things.

32:05

You were practicing practicing.

32:07

I was practicing being a husband before

32:09

I was a husband, and so that the transition

32:11

into being a husband wasn't a shock.

32:14

You know, you're practicing not looking at other women,

32:17

keeping your mind like

32:20

as pure thought like, keeping as many

32:22

pure thoughts in your mind as possible thoughts, and even

32:24

to saving money, to

32:26

to needing to be prepared to

32:28

um, sorry,

32:31

I just needing to check in on certain things and not

32:33

just letting it be my way or the highway. You

32:36

know, there's so many different things that I started

32:38

adopting into my into my walk

32:41

that that was really good for me and really

32:43

good for our marriage, and towards did the same thing. So it

32:46

went from Okay, what is my future

32:48

wife looking to looking forward to Wow,

32:50

that actually really benefited us now

32:53

in this first year because we went through the Ringer Man.

32:55

We had a lot of stuff happened in this first year

32:58

of marriage, from dealing with a

33:00

stalker that it sounds it's

33:03

it's a word that's lost value nowadays

33:05

because everyone's oh, I'm stalking you or whatever.

33:07

Don't add me, bro, you know all that stuff. It's

33:10

like we legit had a stalker to

33:12

the point where we hired private

33:14

investigator and the police and that person was arrested

33:17

and so we I had my identity

33:20

Act this year, we got married

33:22

this year, and we had a drunk driver told it our vehicle.

33:25

Now we have equally been blessed in a lot of those

33:27

areas, which is cool that we'll talk about on other

33:29

episodes. But we went through a lot

33:31

in our first year of marriage and it really tested

33:34

us. And without us

33:37

being really specific with what we look for in

33:39

a spouse and also seen

33:41

that live out in our first year marriage,

33:43

man, we it would have been brutal. It

33:45

would have been absolute brutal. And

33:48

I think that's a great launch

33:50

pad for where I want to take this question again.

33:52

And we've done this with some previous prompts. It's kind

33:54

of just twisted a little bit. The prompt is what

33:56

do men really look for in women? I think we could

33:59

insert quickly just a few like what

34:02

men should look for in women? You

34:04

know what I mean? And um

34:08

for for me, something

34:10

I say a lot to people is, ah,

34:14

if if anyone's asking for advice, like on marriage

34:16

or whatever in a relationship, I just say, keep

34:18

your expectations.

34:20

So low for the other person. There's obviously

34:23

like the non negotiables like this, but then you

34:25

just have people and naturally just have really

34:27

high expectations for other people, and that

34:29

can be so dangerous because the only person who

34:31

doesn't disappoint is God. Yeah,

34:34

you know, He's the only person who's not going to disappoint

34:36

you. So if you have these crazy expectations for

34:39

how the other person, how how

34:41

you just expect the other person to act or

34:43

expect them to treat you in certain ways, they're gonna

34:46

disappoint you. They're either going to disappoint

34:48

you or if they do meet the expectation,

34:50

you're only satisfied. You're not great, yes, exactly.

34:53

So it's if you have low expectations

34:55

like I don't expect my wife to clean the

34:57

dishes, I don't expect my wife

34:59

to feed the dog, just those kind of things like

35:01

I don't expect my wife to make the bed, and that

35:04

kind of gives you more responsibility

35:07

of like, Okay, I'm gonna do those things, which essentially,

35:09

when you do do those things, it makes your wife

35:12

happy that you did that. But then also when she

35:14

does do those things, it encourages

35:16

you because then you're

35:18

of the mindset of like, oh my gosh, my wife is

35:20

doing these things and I totally wasn't thinking she was

35:22

going to do them. Where there's people I know, there's people

35:25

in relationships that they're fighting because

35:27

the other person expected the other person to

35:29

take the trash up, dude, and both

35:32

of them expected that, and they both didn't

35:34

do it because they expected the other person to do and now they're

35:36

fighting and it gets worse. It gets worse

35:38

and worse and worse. But you did so funny. Even

35:40

this morning, I woke up and I remember

35:42

Tori is going to go grocery shopping today

35:44

for for friends giving that we're having, and

35:47

I remember I'm like, Wow, she's gonna go take on something

35:49

that I know she doesn't really want to do, but I

35:51

don't want to do either, and she's

35:53

not gonna do and so um, I woke

35:55

up this morning and I was like, Wow, she's gonna take

35:57

one for the team. So I'm just gonna clean

36:00

the entire kitchen, living room and everything like that this

36:02

morning. And it's just like whenever

36:04

you have that low expectation but then you're

36:06

super thankful that someone does something for

36:09

you, it makes you want to bless them, which makes them

36:11

want to bless you, which it just it just compounds.

36:13

But it equally has a negative compound effect

36:15

too. If you have a high expectation

36:18

and a person doesn't meet that. Yeah,

36:21

like you're saying, Gabe, like no one's going to meet that,

36:23

even though we're talking about things like you know, I'd

36:26

love help with the dishes or whatever it is. You

36:28

know, like, no one is literally going to meet that.

36:31

The gap that we feel and I think a lot of people

36:33

feel like we can. This is a whole another podcast. But the gap

36:35

that we feel, phil

36:38

feel, feel, feel naturally

36:40

and um and that we are

36:42

born with is the gap that Jesus feels.

36:45

Yes, fis that

36:47

Australian the accent, it's the same word

36:49

feel and feel Phil

36:54

sands shout out to my dad anyway, But

36:56

you know that that that is that you know that

36:58

gap. Chelsea doesn't feel

37:01

that for me. That's not her job, you know, like

37:03

she she extends the happiness

37:05

that I already have as a result of God's grace, you

37:08

know, and that that's huge.

37:11

You should talk on that a little bit more. I mean, so

37:14

my okay, yep, I can I

37:18

mean so I guess like that

37:21

was a big reason why Chelsea and I were friends for two years.

37:23

You know, I didn't want her to ever be

37:26

replacing how I wish I felt if I was working

37:28

on music, or how I wish I felt if I had a closer

37:30

connection with God, or you know, because I

37:32

think Jesus, you can't feel that space with

37:35

career, you can't feel that space with family, you

37:38

can't feel that space with someone, and especially you know,

37:40

it's not someone else's responsibility, you

37:42

know, like it's not Chelsea's responsibility that I feel

37:44

complete as a human. That is my responsibility

37:47

to allow God to feel that space. And that's that's

37:49

why I'm a huge advocate for having a

37:51

season of singleness before you

37:53

jump into a relation, like a relationship

37:56

leading to marriage, so you can

37:59

like understand God's love and

38:01

like that void be filled, so

38:03

you're not going into relationship

38:06

expecting the other person to fill that totally.

38:09

And so and up until this point, I'd

38:11

always dated something. I don't know why. I just

38:13

naturally really enjoyed I

38:16

say dating, you know, companionship, Yeah, I

38:18

just enjoyed. I didn't. Yeah, it was more just like

38:20

I had you know, if it was a girl. I was just great

38:22

friends with her, you know what I mean, like whether we made

38:24

out or not, you know, like it's just it's

38:27

just, you know, we were like, oh

38:30

my gosh, like we would. I would

38:32

just always have friends that were naturally,

38:34

like typically girls, because I appreciated

38:37

like I was more of a feelings kind of keep growing up than

38:39

I was maybe a sports kid or something like that. And so

38:41

I typically only found that

38:44

kind of friendship in other people that

38:46

were girls, you know, like um, and

38:48

so I naturally just had that. And then it wasn't until

38:51

you know, like I met Chelsea, and then there was like two years of

38:53

like, man, I just don't want to I don't

38:55

want to be like yep, let's do it because it's just the

38:57

next thing. And I could see the pattern reoccurring.

38:59

And it's crazy because in those two years, with the two

39:01

years that I started getting back into church more, I

39:04

started trusting God with what my purpose was more,

39:06

I started working on things that I actually wanted

39:08

to work on. I started focusing

39:11

more, you know, And now that like Chelsea

39:13

and I are engaged, I definitely don't feel like I'm going

39:15

to suddenly not be as focused because

39:17

I've actually been patient and let that time

39:20

do its thing, you know. So, um

39:22

yeah, and then that feels incredible. And I say,

39:24

the feeling I've definitely filled

39:27

that void with someone before, I think we all

39:29

have. I think that's super normal, whether it be a

39:31

parent or you know, like I've done that with my

39:33

dad, be like, Dad, you have to feel that spot

39:35

for me, But that's not my dad's responsibility,

39:38

you know. And that's a whole nother podcast

39:40

about parenting. But I think, um,

39:43

I think we've all been there before. But the feeling

39:45

of knowing that Chelsea just adds so much

39:47

extra value to my life that never thought I would

39:49

have. It's so much more fulfilling, which

39:52

is obviously not the point still, but you know, that's so much more

39:55

fulfilling than trying to make sure that she's

39:57

like making me feel good all the time, you

39:59

know, like just doesn't It's crazy that you

40:01

can enjoy Chelsea more

40:04

when you have less

40:06

of an expectation to enjoy her. That's

40:08

so I know that sounds weird for that for the

40:11

listen it sounds like counterintuitive.

40:13

Yeah it does, but it is what it

40:15

is, you know, And it's like fact fact

40:18

machine, fact, that's

40:20

for intin it out. But I think it's similar to

40:22

the thing where if you grow up, say, is a really

40:24

dumb example, But I think it's just I've

40:26

been in l A for a few weeks. It's really easy to

40:28

like use as an example. But if you grow

40:31

up and your parents drive around the Lamborghini,

40:33

you grow up being like, oh, I just

40:35

get a Lamborghini. There's nothing special about

40:38

that, you know, And if

40:40

you compared to me, where I didn't grow up with the Lamborghini

40:43

and then suddenly I have this Lamborghini, Suddenly

40:46

I'm just gonna suddenly have a Lamborghini. But I think

40:48

you actually made it sound like you currently have can't only

40:50

have a Lamborghini. He doesn't have no

40:53

Lamborghini. You're

40:56

saying, oh, and now I have a Lamborghini, Chelsea.

40:58

Is that what you're saying? Well, no, that that's what I was No, But

41:01

that's what I That's what I'm saying in the sense that

41:03

I just want to clarify, no one has a Lamborghini. None

41:05

of we're not driving around Lambers.

41:08

But I feel like I've lost my metaphor

41:10

in a sense. But I think the point is I

41:13

definitely I mean, I think

41:15

the point is is that I don't. I don't have

41:17

the expectation to have a Lamborghini, you

41:19

get what I'm saying. So because I don't have that

41:22

expectation, I'm not relying on it to

41:24

do things for me that I don't have already. So

41:26

that's what Chelsea is, I don't have like you said

41:28

I have. I don't have an expectation for Chells.

41:31

I just I mean, I trust God, and I know that

41:34

we're going to be great as a result of God in

41:37

the relationship. But I'm not like Chells,

41:39

you need to be the reason that I've become successful.

41:42

But there are people that do that in their relationships,

41:44

where they rely on that person to

41:46

fully change their life,

41:49

and I just can't. I can't do that, you know. And

41:52

so yeah, anyway, Lamborghini reference was

41:54

not all the sense, but it was actually, like

41:56

I was just about to say, dude, that was actually a really

41:58

good way of putting it, of being

42:00

like, this is

42:03

what I'm used to or what I expect from

42:06

someone, so

42:08

therefore I should have it and have

42:10

this entitlement mentality about it, rather

42:13

than being like I

42:16

have no expectation for it. And

42:18

then if it does come anyway, what a

42:20

blessing that. Yeah, that's exactly right, And I think that's

42:22

what I'm trying to explain what you're saying, Chad. It sounds

42:25

kind of intuitive, but because I

42:27

don't, I don't necessarily

42:29

go I deserve someone like Chelse,

42:32

you know, in a sense, I do, because I obviously believe

42:34

that God has that for me. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm not sitting

42:37

around before of Chelsea and I were together, that wasn't

42:39

like She's going to be this and this

42:41

and this, and as a result, I enjoy everything

42:43

that she is so much more, you know, which

42:46

is exactly what you're saying. But I think in my sense,

42:49

I guess real, I don't know. That was just

42:51

a period of my life where I'm like, this makes so much

42:53

sense now that we're talking about it. But that's just my opinion.

42:59

Split it in there, bay Be. I like the opinion.

43:01

I love it. I like our opinions

43:03

guys, to be honest. I think that's why we did

43:05

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43:07

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43:09

have a really good opinion on

43:12

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43:16

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