Remember The Alamo (...sorry; we had to) -- 2004's "featureless sphere of re-consideration" of one of the country's most notorious battles starring Dennis Quaid as Sam Houston? If you do, our condolences, although despite a bloated runtime, racist music cues, a script that makes the dad from The Conjuring recycle cannonballs, and a misapprehension of what's actually still interesting about this chapter of history, we didn't end up with a super-low overall rating. DQ, however, doesn't seem to know how to play this particular C-plus person, and his reverting to Sling Blade voice in scenes with Billy Bob Thornton is a choice that doesn't work out for him. Slap on some $100 million sideburns, grab a copyright-compliant cutlass, and jump in a hole: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.Overall score: 5.5QQQ score: 3.25Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 14SHOW NOTESFollow us on Twitter (http://twitter.com/quaidinfullpod)Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page (https://www.patreon.com/quaidinfull)Ebert's review (https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/the-alamo-2004)Desson Thomson's for WaPo (https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/2004/04/09/alamo-an-army-cant-save-this/9db9efb8-1ab4-49b4-b522-13287f52ae5e/)David Edelstein's for Slate (https://slate.com/culture/2004/04/disney-s-ahistoric-alamo.html)Elvis Mitchell's for NYT (https://www.nytimes.com/2004/04/09/movies/film-review-a-mythic-last-stand-stripped-of-fantasy.html)Phil Collins's Alamo-iana (https://www.texasmonthly.com/being-texan/next-battle-of-alamo/)