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you be at work? The

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striker gets the corner in. Bruce top corner. Bruce arriving

0:58

and Bruce scoring. Watch Steve

1:01

Bruce. And it's in there. Sharp gets another

1:03

go. 2D, Kyrones and Steve Bruce scores. So now you'll speak

1:05

against Steve Bruce. And Bruce wins it and United

1:09

are ahead. Now

1:27

you know him better than anybody probably. Do you

1:29

back him to score quickly, yes or no? Yes.

1:32

No. No. No.

1:36

No. No. No.

1:39

No. No. No.

1:41

Hello and welcome to Quickly Kevin,

1:43

Will He Score. It's the Steve

1:45

Bruce Murder Mystery Special Chapter Five

1:47

of Stryker. I'm Chris Scull. Joining

1:49

me is, as always, Josh Whitakim.

1:51

Hello. The main man, Michael Martin,

1:54

is here. Hello. As is

1:56

our literary correspondent extraordinaire, Ivo

1:58

Graham. that role for

2:01

this podcast. I've got a

2:03

couple of emails regarding Steve Barnes. I

2:05

don't know whether we'd like to start

2:07

with them. We're always looking for people

2:09

to tell us their views on the

2:11

Steve Barnes trilogy. Yes, and sort of

2:13

wider universe. And the wider universe. But

2:15

I've got a special folder named Steve

2:17

Barnes that's for only for these episodes.

2:19

I don't want Steve Barnes to bleed

2:21

into the main feed. It's from Martin

2:24

Oakley. Hello, just listen to

2:26

the first chapter of Stryker after buying

2:28

an XJ8 package on Patreon. Good

2:31

man, Martin. I just wanted to point

2:33

one quite staggering thing out. You may

2:35

remember Steve Barnes. His previous job in

2:37

management was at Threshfield, where he also

2:40

managed Duffy. Steve justified

2:42

moving from Threshfield to Ledersford

2:44

by claiming that Threshfield were

2:47

penny pinching club focused on youth development

2:49

and the pressure on getting results from young

2:51

players, as opposed to Ledersford, who are bankrolled

2:54

by a millionaire chairman with plenty of money

2:56

for transfers so he could mold his own

2:58

team. Imagine my surprise

3:00

then when Steve's first and

3:03

as far as we can tell only signing is

3:07

a 16 year old Stryker from

3:09

Threshfield. Duffy. And his

3:11

plan to develop him slowly is kiboshed by

3:14

St Lawrence's subtle insistence that he ought to

3:16

be playing straight away. Clearly

3:19

a corner Steve wrote himself into and then

3:21

didn't see fit to write himself back out

3:23

of. Additionally,

3:27

if Steve hates Carvery so much, why doesn't he just

3:29

sack him? I

3:31

think that second one's definitely been asked before, but

3:34

the first point is a very good one. How

3:36

could he be lured by a war chest that

3:38

then ceased to exist? I

3:42

mean that's gonna really affect the dress in a minute.

3:44

You're like, as I always say, football teams, you want

3:46

to see new blood coming in there. So you've got

3:48

Duffy in and then straight away he's dead. What is

3:51

that doing to the dressing room? Yeah, well there is

3:53

new blood. I

3:56

don't think this question, Chris, is even about, this isn't about

3:58

the murder, this is about the sort of transfer policy

4:00

and fast tracking of youth players.

4:02

Yeah, yeah. Who would you

4:04

say is the youngest, I'm

4:07

putting you on the spot here, but youngest

4:09

Premier League player to have

4:11

had his club's hopes put on him at

4:14

an extremely tender age? Probably Wayne Rooney, wasn't

4:16

he? Yeah, Rooney's the first name that comes

4:18

to mind. Yeah. So, Everton

4:20

or the United? For Everton. But you're

4:22

coming through the youth ranks there, yeah.

4:24

It's very rare that you sign a

4:27

16 year old. I remember when Plymouth

4:29

had a play called Darren Bastow that

4:31

was 16. He came through me. He

4:33

did not have the mentality to play football and

4:36

he used to like going out and talking with

4:38

his mates too much, so it all went wrong.

4:40

But I remember 16 is so young. You

4:42

shouldn't be pressuring anyone to be in the team at 16. If

4:45

I told you the story, I was at a

4:48

West Ham game when Joe Cole would sign his

4:50

professional contract and the announcer said, and Joe

4:52

Cole was about 16, the

4:54

announcer said, you'll all be able to tell

4:57

your grandkids you were there the day Joe

4:59

Cole signed his first contract for West Ham.

5:02

And you think, the pressure, like

5:05

Joe Cole sat on that pitch, the

5:08

whole stadium, you tell your grandkids about

5:10

him signing his contract, like a 16,

5:12

like the toughness you'll have to have.

5:15

I'm not gonna lie, Scull, I really wanted to chip in

5:17

on that, but my printer had started making a noise, so

5:19

I had to mute myself. No

5:22

contract, no, never mind. What am I

5:24

just printing off Joe Cole's contract? I

5:27

think that's the reason why I still think

5:30

Joe Cole's shit, because the expectation was so

5:32

much, it's a bit like Michael Owen, and

5:34

to an extent, even Wayne Rooney, the

5:37

expectation is such, that

5:39

if they're not, I mean, I'm chipping in here,

5:41

Wayne Rooney is Manchester United in England, I know,

5:43

I know, I'm not. I'm goalscore, I like, I

5:45

say it, how everyone, he has fulfilled his potential.

5:47

Michael, you're saying he's had a bit like someone

5:49

who called me a nonce on Instagram the other

5:51

day. Yeah, sorry about that.

5:53

I'm daring to suggest that he'd flattered to

5:55

deceive at international level. I'm

5:58

going to say that. He did. I don't agree,

6:01

but you still think,

6:03

I think it's because he didn't do it at

6:05

major international any of this, we're not, hang on,

6:07

let's be honest, but no, there is an angle

6:10

on this I'm

6:14

interested in. Who would you say is the

6:16

player that was most disappointing was the one

6:18

who was held up as the future and

6:20

just crushingly disappointed everyone?

6:23

Richard Wright, I remember thinking he was going to

6:26

be brilliant. It's

6:28

a match, I don't know any Richard

6:30

Wright. Dave

6:36

Machen. Presumably

7:00

he got mixed up with the time as his

7:02

mind was fuddled with influenza. I

7:04

was going to make excuses and think, or maybe the

7:06

time elapsed between this device, but if

7:09

it's gone backwards, it simply is a mistake.

7:11

I think you'd say a good sub would

7:13

have picked that up, but... You'd

7:15

also say so would some committed podcasts who

7:17

read the book twice. Right,

7:22

chapter five, shall we have a quick recap

7:24

of chapter four? We've got to

7:26

the point where Steve Barnes has just been arrested.

7:28

He's done a press conference, Harry Pickles has tried

7:31

to kind of, you know, write it up that

7:33

he's fine. St Lawrence has been St Lawrence, and

7:36

Steve Barnes has now been arrested, which

7:39

none of us remembered. And I have

7:41

no idea how he's going to get out of this

7:43

situation because I don't remember him being in Nick.

7:46

Right. It took me 24 hours

7:48

to get out of custody, 24 hours

7:51

wasted, and I was only out on

7:53

bail. I had to appear

7:55

before a magistrate. The magistrate made

7:58

it very clear that bail was a crime. in

8:00

a murder inquiry was most unusual.

8:03

But as I'd made certain

8:05

charities, paid an immense amount in

8:07

bail, surrendered my passport, made promises to be

8:09

on good behaviour etc, he was going to

8:12

set me free. My solicitor

8:14

who had flown up from London

8:16

to Leeds Bradford Airport spoke on

8:18

my behalf. All

8:20

I had to do was be polite and look honest.

8:23

That's no problem. I had nothing

8:25

whatsoever to hide. Quick interruptions.

8:27

He's flown up from Leeds Bradford

8:30

Airport. Leeds Bradford is an airport.

8:32

He's flown from there? No, London

8:34

to Leeds Bradford. Okay fine. There

8:37

were lots of things I could have said. After

8:40

10.30, 9.30, we're now desperate to pick

8:43

up on any factual error just to

8:45

show we're more eagle-eared than the listeners.

8:48

We absolutely, yeah, we're terrified of being

8:50

caught out again. There were lots of

8:53

things I could have said. In particular,

8:55

I believe that Chief Inspector Shannon had

8:57

been hasty in making an arrest. Once

9:00

this was all over and I was confident it would soon be

9:02

all over and done with, and my name was

9:04

cleared, I might consider taking out a case

9:06

against the police. We left the court in

9:09

a taxi. We could have used Bill's motor,

9:11

but we didn't want the crowd of reporters.

9:13

Yes, they were outside the court, like a

9:15

flock of vultures. To get

9:17

his number plate and be able to harass him.

9:19

It was now late in the afternoon on Tuesday,

9:22

two days away from the squad. I dared not

9:24

think what Eddie Carbury was doing with them. Yeah,

9:26

they haven't conceded a goal in two days. How

9:31

much does he think Eddie Carbury's two

9:33

days of training can affect a squad?

9:35

Definitely a great sort of reality show.

9:38

You know, a sort of assistant manager

9:40

gets two days to try and sort

9:42

of upset the balance of a manager's

9:44

team as much as possible or

9:47

a big game. It's a sort of don't

9:49

tell the bride. A

9:54

Brewster's Million style scenario where you're in charge

9:56

of a team for two days, but you've

9:58

got to disrupt them. as much as

10:00

possible in that two days. What would you do,

10:03

Ivo? They've

10:05

got two days for a game. They

10:07

wouldn't follow any of my instructions, would

10:09

they? They're going to follow you to

10:11

the letter. What

10:13

would you have them... I would just keep them

10:15

up. Keep them up. Just

10:20

make them watch films. Like, watch

10:22

every episode of Friends back to back. Well,

10:24

take them on the mega lash, surely. A

10:26

team-bonding mega lash would be the absolute way

10:29

to do it, wouldn't it? I sort of

10:31

prefer the slow torture of every episode of

10:33

Friends. I mean, from a sleep deprivation perspective,

10:35

I'm not commenting on the quality of that.

10:37

No. It was a great, if slightly dated

10:39

sitcom. It was

10:41

now late in the afternoon on Tuesday, two days away

10:43

from the squad. I dared not think what Eddie Carbury

10:46

was doing with them. The game against

10:48

Fulton was crucial. We were lying

10:50

third in the table. Fulton were level-pigging,

10:52

but had a poorer goal difference. The

10:54

game on Friday was going to be

10:57

a six-pointer. Back at the club,

10:59

I found everyone listless. The whole

11:01

business had upset many people. Not

11:04

least those, like Julie, with whom

11:06

I worked most closely. I

11:08

was still worried about Susan and the children. There

11:11

was no way the kids could be protected completely.

11:13

They see the newspapers, listen to the radio and

11:15

watch TV. Even if they were possible to insulate

11:17

them from all of that, the other children at

11:19

school would only be too pleased to tell them

11:22

their dad was in deep trouble. Now,

11:24

in the last chapter, which we

11:26

recorded a couple of months ago, which I listen

11:29

to today, we talked at length about how Steve

11:31

Barnes was taking his children out of school to

11:34

avoid any of the careless

11:36

talk. A fact that Steve Bruce has clearly

11:38

forgotten about six pages later when he laid

11:40

deep. Yes,

11:43

that was the long and the short of it. I was in

11:45

deep trouble. My future as a manager, my

11:48

place within the game, even my

11:50

credibility within society was at stake.

11:53

Football has been very good to me and I'm

11:56

grateful. But I'm also sensible enough

11:58

to understand. murder

12:01

all of my sources of income including

12:03

sponsorships and the media jobs and

12:06

my house would be as nothing most

12:08

of all he

12:10

doesn't mean about his house his

12:12

house would retain its value Dennis

12:16

Nielsen I

12:22

just think that I understand what prison is like

12:24

he's considered yet you sure I'll be in prison

12:26

but I need to maintain sources of income Steve

12:30

you've got 30 years inside

12:32

but MITRE are sticking with

12:34

you Steve Bruce

12:37

in prison just refreshing right move just

12:39

watching the value he's

12:43

also written I think we should be above

12:46

picking up on typos but he's actually just

12:48

written if I went down murder instead of

12:50

if I went down for okay

12:52

yeah sorry no no I mean you know

12:55

you're improving it I should also say that

12:57

first page apart from skulls flail

13:00

at Leif

13:04

Bradford Airport that first page is probably the

13:06

most the longest I've ever gone through a

13:08

piece of Steve Bruce prize without having an

13:10

issue yeah I

13:13

was actually there we're in trouble

13:16

yeah he's keeping

13:19

it simple thank god he worried about

13:21

his sponsorships a patreon project where we

13:23

slowly interrupt less and less as our

13:25

reverence for the great man's work but

13:28

then we just we just read excellent prose

13:30

to a weirdly disappointed listener

13:33

place to all though I feared what this

13:36

was doing to my family at

13:38

times like this ancient loyalties and

13:40

responsibilities loom large and nothing carried

13:42

a bigger emotional impact on a

13:45

man's loyalty to his family I

13:48

asked for time to be alone with Bill Brown

13:50

that's his um agent but

13:52

first I needed to speak to Julie she

13:55

assured me that flowers had been sent to Pat

13:58

Duffy's parents in Ireland the

14:00

grieving couple have been told of my

14:02

own grief and they'd accepted condolences. As

14:04

opposed to rejecting them? I

14:07

think you would be within your rights

14:10

to reject the condolences of the man charged

14:12

with your sons murder. Yeah,

14:16

that sounds very charged. So I actually

14:18

think, had I been accused of a

14:20

murder, I'd think twice before sending

14:22

flowers to the parent of the victim,

14:24

even if I was innocent of the

14:26

crime. I don't know if OJ Simpson,

14:28

when he was in the white Ford

14:30

Bronco, was on the phone to Interflora.

14:36

Sir Lawrence was playing golf. I

14:39

wasn't sure the members of the playing staff were. I

14:41

had no wish to meet Eddie Carbury, so Bill and

14:43

I went to the office. We needed to rest, but

14:46

we also had to discuss how best

14:48

to get through the week. You're innocent,

14:50

Bill said. Do you doubt

14:52

it? I asked sharply. Easy, Steve.

14:54

Sorry, the thing's getting to me. I

14:56

apologize. You're going to be

14:58

found not guilty. No, you go

15:01

down. Bill's already expecting

15:03

a trial. If

15:13

I wanted my agent to say it'll be a blow over

15:15

in a couple of days, eventually

15:18

be found not guilty. I'll get something for

15:20

the house. Six

15:23

weeks, when you sit in a

15:25

courtroom, watch your

15:27

whole life collapse, living on a

15:29

precipice. You will be found not guilty.

15:33

Your team will be watching Joey by the time

15:35

the court case is finished. You're

15:39

not guilty. No will. Hey, will you

15:41

go down? Tell that

15:43

to Shannon. My fingerprints are on the knife. DNA

15:46

will sort it, Bill said. If

15:49

there's anything they can use for analysis, I

15:52

didn't exactly drool saliva over Pat's body.

15:54

And my blood wasn't mixed with his.

15:56

Exactly. It will fail for lack of

15:58

credible. evidence. So I'm found to be

16:00

innocent, I said, but this will follow

16:02

me all my life. It's something we're

16:05

going to have to live with Steve.

16:07

Fucking hell, Bill. I like the

16:09

way he said

16:11

we. This is one guy who wasn't about to

16:13

abandon me. You will always be known as

16:16

the manager who beat the rap. It's interesting

16:18

there, because there's a moment of self reflection

16:20

where Steve Barnes is like, Oh, this murder

16:22

will haunt me forever. Fast

16:24

forward to the second book in the trilogy where

16:26

no one even discusses it. It's already a distant

16:28

memory. I

16:32

want to be known as the guy who led milecaster

16:34

to their first championship in 27 years. I want

16:37

to remember to the manager who lifted letters for from

16:39

nowhere and took them into the Premier League. Sure,

16:42

all that too, Bill said, your

16:44

shoulders are broad, Steve, you need all

16:46

your strength. Remember, everyone's rooting

16:48

for you. Pressure can build up inside

16:50

you. I was like a

16:52

furnace under great pressure of heat, ready

16:54

to explode. I close my

16:57

eyes. I sighed. My

17:00

brain was active. What

17:02

I needed was time

17:05

to sleep. What

17:07

your plans, Bill? I'm your agent.

17:09

My job is to represent you. Right now, you

17:11

need someone at your shoulder. So

17:13

you're not planning to return to London tonight? Hell

17:16

no, Bill said. What about

17:18

the baby? Bill and his wife

17:21

had recently had the first child, a son. She'll

17:24

understand. And as for my son, he said

17:26

that with the pride. Well,

17:29

he's still too young to notice. I think

17:33

this bill's young son as I think

17:35

it's a nice kind of literary element

17:37

to him, like showing the bill

17:40

cares so much for his client that he's willing like

17:42

there's no need for Steve Bruce to put in the

17:44

young son. I think it's a nice kind of lovely

17:47

touch. Yeah. And it's a great story for

17:49

for Bill's son as well when he grows

17:52

up. Yeah. My dad wasn't actually there when

17:54

I was born. Boss

17:57

is being done for murder up north. He

18:01

was eventually clear if I'm not guilty after

18:03

nine months because the blood didn't mix. Yeah,

18:08

three retrial but he was eventually clear.

18:11

So then you'll stay

18:13

the night I said. I'll let Susan know. Troubled

18:16

though I was, I could not resist teasing him. You

18:19

set off now Bill. I'll do some work for an hour

18:21

and then I'll be waiting to open the gate for you.

18:24

Bill rose to the bait. You think I can't

18:26

beat you? In your car

18:28

I asked compared to my Jag. Here

18:32

we go. Oh yes, here we go.

18:35

You've gone to see a band. It's

18:38

five songs in and finally

18:40

the first chord of Rebellion

18:42

lies. Here we go. It's

18:45

not the motor Steve. It's

18:49

the quality of the driver he said and I

18:51

did see you at your place. I'd say for

18:53

balance. And as

18:55

lovely as it is to see the Jag, that's

18:58

not as nice a touch as

19:00

Bill's son back home. We

19:02

shook hands and Bill left. I

19:04

turned to the correspondence on my desk. I

19:06

sighed again. There was no

19:08

way I could concentrate on paperwork. In

19:11

fact, it was difficult. You

19:13

know we discussed before how absurd it is that he's

19:15

not been given leave. Now that

19:17

he's been charged with murder, it

19:20

feels absolutely insane that

19:22

he's not been given leave, doesn't it?

19:25

Where is he now? He's in prison, right? Oh

19:27

no, he's been released on bail. He's

19:29

in his office. God, he's back.

19:31

How much have you been listening, Skal? When did

19:35

you think it released just now? Yeah, in

19:37

the first two pages. Oh, I

19:39

missed that. What are you doing? Are you

19:41

watching a West Ham game? No, I just thought he

19:43

was still in his... I just presume this was happening

19:46

in the station. It's a real Chris Camara

19:48

moment for the... Quickly Kevin. At

19:52

that moment, my mind was active,

19:54

but it kept flipping from one thing to another.

19:56

The only constant image was the sight of Pat

19:58

Duffy. Dead. It was

20:01

at that moment, I think, I first

20:03

realised I'd have to sort this thing out

20:05

myself. I

20:07

needed to make enquiries. God knows

20:10

I'm no detective. Yet while I had

20:12

a lawyer working for me and my agent by

20:14

my side and the love of my family, I

20:16

had this deep inner conviction that I was the

20:18

one who had to find the person or persons who

20:21

had murdered Pat Duffy. The

20:23

swine who had turned my whole world,

20:25

my hopes, my ambitions upside down. There's

20:28

a saying in Laddersford and other

20:30

parts of the north. God

20:32

helps them who help themselves. For

20:35

me, I was now convinced this

20:37

was such a time. The problem

20:39

was where to begin. Did I take any carvery

20:42

to one side and threaten him with a beating

20:44

unless he can pay? Option

20:48

one. You're

20:53

on bail, Steve. Things

20:55

got dark quick, eh? Steve's

20:58

got a full vigilante. Option

21:02

one. Steve, what are your options? Well, option one

21:04

is I've threatened to beat the shit out of

21:06

him. No, I've

21:08

got no evidence. You did it. And

21:10

let's just recap that we know that Eddie

21:12

Carbury eventually does it. The

21:15

absurdity. There's no mystery.

21:17

If anything, it's quite disappointing when you

21:19

find out that Carbury did do it at the end and

21:21

you think, Steve could have just beaten us out of him

21:23

60 pages ago. Did

21:28

I take Eddie Carbury to one side and threaten him

21:30

with a beating unless he can pay? That

21:32

was utter nonsense. In a decent society, people

21:35

can't behave like that. In any case, I

21:37

was not convinced. I did not even consider

21:39

it a possibility that Eddie was the killer.

21:42

It didn't seem to be his style. He

21:46

had the motive, which was to get me

21:49

sacked, accused, convicted, and he on the back

21:51

of a run of results moving into my

21:53

managerial chair, which he certainly coveted. There's

21:56

also the added motive that he knew for sure

21:58

he would soon lose his position as my. assistant,

22:00

I'd made no secret of the team I

22:02

wanted around me. So this comes to that

22:05

point wisely said Carberry. Friends

22:07

and colleagues with the same modern views

22:09

as me about coaching tactics and strategy.

22:11

I mean, he's literally at this

22:14

point, only giving one suspect.

22:16

There's not even a other

22:18

suspect in the fold. It's

22:21

baffling. It's like there was another

22:24

suspect throughout the book. And just

22:26

before printing, this person was removed

22:28

to use some kind of copyright reasons

22:30

or whatever. And it has just removed

22:32

the other character from the books. They

22:34

were left with this one man chasing

22:37

another. I imagine that he lists all

22:39

of Carberry's motives. And then the

22:42

editor says, it's very obvious

22:44

that it's going to be Carberry. And if

22:46

there's literally no one else, is there any

22:48

way we could sort of, you know, add

22:50

a little bit of sort of mystery? And

22:52

in version two is I've put in that

22:54

it wasn't his style. Yeah, that would be

22:56

the style. That's all we needed. I'd love

22:58

to reheat the draft one. I think that's

23:00

what you're doing right now. It

23:05

took a shower. The business and the

23:07

worry of the day made me

23:09

feel dirty. By now, the admin

23:12

block was almost deserted. Only

23:14

person I saw was a security guard. I

23:16

nodded and he returned my greeting with a brief

23:19

salute. I went out onto the pitch. That

23:21

was where I'd always been happiest on the part.

23:24

As skipper of mole cast all those years,

23:26

I learned responsibilities. I learned

23:28

how to motivate players. You have

23:30

to earn their respect. You have to be

23:32

in possession of skills beyond mere soccer skills. Playing

23:35

soccer, especially when you're the skipper makes a

23:37

man of you. If you don't

23:40

mature, you don't stay the course. In

23:42

my playing years, I've been observing too. I

23:44

only served under two managers, but one of

23:46

them was a giant who will always be

23:49

remembered wherever people talk and play football. He

23:52

chose me as his captain and set me on

23:54

the road to success beyond my wildest dreams will

23:57

be for me always a matter of deep

23:59

gratitude. That doesn't mean I've

24:01

modelled my managerial style on him, any

24:03

more than I would on Cluff or Venables or

24:05

Harry Redknapp. You learn something

24:07

from everybody you meet. I think Harry Redknapp's done

24:09

quite well to make it in there. Yeah,

24:12

he's not done well enough to only be

24:14

referred to by Sir Knapp. I

24:17

suppose Jamie would have been just coming into the fold

24:19

around the time of this publication. A real

24:22

kick in the teeth of Nigel Cluff. Yeah.

24:26

It's also interesting that he won't name the

24:28

person who's obviously Alex Ferguson, but will name

24:30

everyone else by name. Yeah, I'm

24:32

surprised he's not called like Jock McSporin or

24:35

something. Do you know what I mean? Venables

24:39

on that list is a bit weird, isn't it? Is

24:41

Venables held up like that as

24:43

a great, iconic manager? This

24:46

is one of the most worst-time things that's ever happened.

24:49

It's considered the list of Cluff

24:51

Venables and Harry Redknapp. The Venables

24:53

is the one that hasn't reached

24:56

startling heights. Redknapp

24:58

nurtures young talent, and I

25:00

can see how it's... I can see how it's... Really?

25:02

Who? Gather? Well, Gasko-ing. All right,

25:05

I'll let you off. Hopefully.

25:08

So, I'm dusted. I stared intently at

25:10

the pitch. This field of dreams.

25:14

Ledersford has a state-of-the-art stadium, as

25:16

well as soccer. It caters for the local rugby team.

25:19

There's a venue for pop concerts, which

25:21

is a central part of life for Ledersford.

25:24

For many a while, you can see the trusses

25:26

rise from the high-tech stadium, like

25:28

crossed bananas. Soon,

25:31

I was lost in thought, thinking of

25:34

all the stage in Europe in which I've played. You're

25:37

on a murder charge, Steve. What

25:39

a trusses. He's

25:42

manager at Huddersford at this time, and

25:45

he's basically describing the Macau Point

25:47

Stadium. Yeah. They're like crossed

25:49

bananas. There's not a stadium in England that

25:51

looks like crossed bananas, apart from Huddersfield. Yeah.

25:54

He's literally talking of... He's

25:56

not a million miles from... Can I

25:58

look at the Macau Point Stadium? cool it

26:00

comes out of the new Wembley is it but it's kind of

26:02

at the top of the stage. And

26:05

you know what I was just thinking I bet Steve Bruce has

26:07

been stood on the touch line at Huddersfield looking

26:09

up on the static and they look like cross bananas.

26:15

No I don't think he has I think

26:17

someone said it to him and he's nicked it. I

26:22

think it was a shame that he's

26:24

not more specific about the pop concerts.

26:26

I just thoroughly enjoyed three attempts at

26:28

making up band names that were clearly

26:31

real band for the time. Pop concerts

26:33

from uh from uh every saint all

26:35

the way through to take this. A

26:39

sound behind me made me turn for a

26:41

moment there was a twinge of fear

26:44

was someone about to stick the knife blade in

26:46

my back. Sorry gaffer. I

26:49

turned relieved to see Martin Thornton

26:51

the side skipper and Jimmy Lawson one

26:53

of the strikers. Hello lads

26:55

I said quietly we just want

26:58

to say gaffer well we're sorry

27:00

about Martin was lost for words he

27:02

had no practice in this kind of thing. How would

27:05

you tell the manager you're sorry he's been accused of murder.

27:08

We're talking to all the guys Jimmy Lawson

27:10

said thanks I appreciate what you're saying I

27:12

smiled trying to say. I

27:15

noted that Martin was wearing trainers and

27:17

Jimmy wore boots. Highly polished.

27:19

Before we go too far from the

27:21

pop concerts comment there

27:23

were seven concerts held at the McAlpine Stadium

27:26

between July 96 and July 96.

27:29

The question of my skull is completely missing where

27:31

a lot of the events in the Brooker house.

27:37

But would you like to know what kind of pop concerts

27:39

happening at the McAlpine Stadium in 1996? July

27:42

23rd 1996 Ricky

27:45

Ross. No. No July 30th

27:47

same day it must be good

27:49

to know what it is same day Melissa Etheridge.

27:52

No. These are stadium fillers. No they must

27:54

have a function room right. I don't know

27:56

why would it be on set list FM.

28:00

following that July 12th 1997, the beautiful South. Yeah,

28:03

they do well in Huddersfield as well. This

28:05

must be, actually this must be a festival

28:08

because on that same bill, the Lightning Seeds

28:10

cast Angelica and Teenage Fan Club. Oh my

28:12

God, what I'd pay to be there. That

28:14

sounds like a wonderful day out. Yeah, although

28:17

you're still in the pub for Melissa Etheridge

28:19

by the song. Is that up early? Last

28:23

concert there, 2001 Bon Jovi. There

28:26

we go. Now, I noted

28:28

that Martin was wearing trainers and Jimmy wore

28:30

boots highly polished. I remember a thing. I

28:33

remember where that goes. And I'm very excited.

28:36

There's anything we can do Martin said. He's a

28:38

Shylad off the field by commanding presence on it.

28:41

In some ways I suspect he's like me

28:43

when I was first made skipper of Moncaster.

28:46

There were some there that were surprised to be

28:48

chosen. Thrash Fulton on

28:50

Friday I said, that's the best way

28:52

you can show your solidarity. I'm

28:55

gonna get a bloody hat trick, Lawson said. And

28:58

in his voice there was more than support for me. There was a

29:00

kind of triumph. If you picked

29:02

Jim, I cautioned. Oh, I'm on

29:04

the sheet Jimmy said cockily. I

29:06

haven't put it up yet. Eddie

29:09

has, Martin said quietly.

29:13

He's picked a balanced team, Jimmy added.

29:16

He stared me full in the eye. His cockiness

29:18

was displayed openly as arrogance.

29:22

Clearly Jimmy Lawson decided I was

29:25

now a back number. That

29:27

my managerial days was good as over. I don't

29:29

know the phrase a back number, but I suppose

29:31

it's pretty clear. Under

29:34

Eddie Carberry, he was likely to be at a

29:36

shorter regular place on the sheet. I

29:38

brought in Pat Duffy and a youngster with

29:40

Pat skills threatened someone like Jimmy Lawson, who

29:43

was an artisan and never an artist.

29:45

Thanks for waiting lads I told them.

29:47

Thanks a lot. They turned

29:49

Martin with a worried look on his face, but Jimmy

29:52

with pleasure. Pleasure no doubt

29:54

and my discomforture. Wow.

29:57

He was wrong. Did he need to

29:59

say discomfort? I'm not sure that's the

30:01

word, I've never heard that before. Also that's

30:04

the second time he's used art as an

30:06

artist. Did we discuss this earlier? Yeah, he

30:08

does that in an earlier chapter. Oh wow.

30:10

I think this is the first appearance of

30:13

discomfiture though. Well

30:16

he was wrong. I wasn't defeated yet, nor was

30:18

I about to be. If my dad taught me

30:20

nothing else, he had impressed on

30:22

me, there needed to be straight at all times. I'd

30:25

never given in to pressure. That could be

30:27

taken as a very different, unaccepting dad. I

30:30

walked round the perimeter of the pitch. As

30:32

I did so, I telephoned my parents. Dad

30:35

answered. I told him not

30:37

to worry, to take care of my mother and

30:39

everything would come out clean in the wash. Dad

30:42

didn't say a great deal, but he did

30:44

say that at times like this, a person

30:46

learned who his true friends really were. He

30:48

told me to take care of my mama back. There

30:51

was only a saying, something that he had said to

30:53

me a thousand times, but suddenly

30:55

given the manner of Pat's death,

30:57

the phrase was alarmingly apt. Pat

31:00

Duffy had not watched his back, and

31:02

he had been stabbed to death. He

31:07

didn't take that advice literally, and that's what

31:09

caused him to die. I just don't think

31:11

anyone literally is watching their back. Do you

31:13

know what I mean? Like, it's

31:15

very rare you're thinking if someone's behind you.

31:18

Like, it's not an adequate

31:20

way of stopping yourself from being stabbed

31:23

to death. I switched

31:25

off the mobile phone. Darkness was

31:27

falling fast. I was in

31:29

deep thought, but now I was trying as hard as

31:31

I could to keep my mind focused. That was far

31:33

from easy. I discerned to

31:35

be the means of my own salvation,

31:38

but I was no detective. I

31:40

was not Sherlock Holmes. Thinking

31:43

of the great fictional detective, so

31:45

well does the author do his job that

31:47

many people believe Sherlock Holmes was a real

31:49

person. I remember the story

31:51

Rita read at school. Do

31:54

you think he's not confident of the name of Arthur

31:56

Conan Doyle at that point? I

32:01

told you about my inspirational teacher of English, haven't

32:03

I? That's the first

32:05

time he addresses the fact that he's

32:08

telling a story, isn't it? He breaks

32:10

the fourth wall. God, it's

32:12

all over the place with literary devices, isn't it? And

32:14

yet, Josh, you read it so naturally that I for

32:16

a second thought you would tell us about your own

32:19

English teacher. Go on, Josh! Yeah.

32:25

I must have not listened back to that, did I? It

32:29

was weird, it was in the... I

32:32

did it when we interviewed... We

32:34

interviewed Richard Sherlock in front of

32:36

the microphone perhaps. He

32:39

discussed the seagulls, followed the troll, the comment. He

32:42

said he thought it was bullshit. I actually didn't, and

32:44

I said for the reason for that. Richard

32:46

Sherlock actually thinks that Sherlock Holmes

32:48

is a real person. It's very embarrassing. That's just

32:50

a sign of how what it was written by

32:53

whoever it was. The author. You

32:57

said, I've told you about my

32:59

inspirational teacher of English, haven't I? I

33:02

think this is such a

33:04

fucking boring conversation. That

33:08

would be absolute... Oh,

33:11

first date nightmare, that one, isn't it? Anyway...

33:15

I mean, you know, if

33:17

someone said that I've got a story about one

33:19

of my teachers from school, you

33:21

know, that can go in lots of fun

33:23

directions. The word inspirational is a real vibe

33:26

kill, I would say. Anyway,

33:29

let's hear it. Well,

33:34

in the final couple of years of GCSE

33:36

course, we still need Romeo and Juliet. I

33:38

found Shakespeare's useful thing. Fucking

33:41

hell, Steve, you're a fine one to

33:43

criticise the bed. Bards.

33:45

Is it bards? It's bards. What?

33:49

Fuck. There's 5-2 to Bruce

33:51

at this stage. I mean, you're

33:53

calling him the bear this whole time. Do you

33:55

know what it was? I thought it was

33:58

bard, and then I just had a moment of doubt. The

34:00

bed. I'm thinking of lead,

34:02

Scotus Lord. And

34:06

I don't know why that would relate to Shakespeare. I'm

34:08

sorry, Steve. Wow. Incredible revelation. Don't

34:10

you think Shakespeare is referred to as the bed?

34:14

I don't actually know why it's called the bard.

34:18

I don't know either, but let's not. No,

34:21

that's not. Don't try and move the

34:23

conversation on. Well, I tried to. I

34:28

tried halfway to pull it back.

34:31

I don't know if you could hear that in the intonation. It

34:33

was too late. The bard.

34:36

I'd left an eye in there, early doors. The

34:39

amount of time's crisis. You're

34:41

not a night out being told you can't come

34:43

and hit your bed. I've told you before, haven't

34:45

I? In the final couple of your hits, I

34:47

should, for any Plymouth fans, I should say that

34:49

I should

34:54

for any Plymouth fans, but I realise it's lost in

34:56

you guys. But there'll be Plymouth fans

34:58

at home really hoping I reference the Stryker Ian

35:01

Baird that we had

35:03

from Reid Pirrod in the late 90s. You

35:06

mean Ian Bard? Ian Bard. Do

35:08

you remember when David Baird actually played for Hugh

35:10

Bear in England from Pirrod? In

35:14

the final couple of years of GCSE course,

35:16

we studied Romeo and Juliet, open brackets, iPhone,

35:18

Shakespeare, the use of language, tough going, closed

35:21

brackets, and William Golding's Lord

35:23

of the Flies. This is a

35:25

novel about the force of evil within human

35:27

nature and how we all need rules and

35:29

regulations to keep us from behaving like animals.

35:32

Very literal interpretation of Lord of the Flies there. Yeah,

35:34

I think that's a debatable... Well,

35:37

I studied it for GCSE and I don't know if I've

35:39

mentioned this, but I had a very inspirational English teacher. And

35:42

I'm pretty sure it's not

35:45

actually about that. Yeah, I don't think that's a

35:47

fair description of Lord of the Flies really. We

35:49

also read a story by Sir Arthur Conan... Oh,

35:51

we also read a story by Arthur Conan Doyle.

35:54

He's remembered it. Great. Called

35:56

The Silver Blaze. Sherlock Holmes mentions a dog that

35:58

did not play a role in the film. bark

36:00

in the night. He concludes that the person who

36:03

had entered the house mysteriously must be someone known

36:05

to the dog. That's it, I said aloud. So

36:07

I'm just so you know, he's moving back onto

36:09

the murder now. So we get nothing on his

36:11

inspirational English teacher. Yes,

36:13

it seems to be just that the English teacher

36:16

taught them the books that were on the curriculum.

36:20

He wasn't able to demystify Shakespeare's language,

36:22

and he provided no insights whatsoever on

36:24

all the flies. He was bang on with

36:27

the dog in the silver blaze. So

36:29

I'll give him that. That's it, I

36:31

said aloud. Pat Duffy probably knew the

36:33

person who had knifed him. He

36:35

trusted that person, turned his back on

36:37

him or her, trusted

36:40

them not to kill him, that is. That's

36:42

always when I feel I've really sort of,

36:44

you know, become friends with someone. Is

36:46

this the first time they feel visibly comfortable turning

36:49

their back to me? That's nice. We're over the

36:51

awkward phase. They

36:56

may have been in an argument first, but Duffy

36:58

knew his killer. Unfortunately, he had not lived to

37:01

tell me the name of that person. I was

37:03

assuming that I'd been the first to find the

37:05

body. I strode back to the

37:07

door. I could see into a number of offices.

37:09

In some, lights were still blazing. That was something

37:11

I should mention in our next meeting. We could

37:13

save on electricity if people switched lights off at

37:15

the end of the day. Absolutely.

37:21

What kind of meeting do we think that is?

37:23

Do they have a kind of weekly meeting about

37:25

the running of the club? But I'm missing the

37:27

point. The point is, why the hell is that

37:30

at the top of his agenda at this stage

37:32

of the game? I've lost all track

37:34

of time. What day is it now? Is it, is

37:36

this the next day after all this? Yeah, because

37:39

he's been in sides 24 hours. In the evening.

37:41

Yeah, okay. In one room,

37:43

quite alone was Jimmy Lawson. I

37:45

was amazed to see him because I'd assumed

37:47

he would have left the stadium by now.

37:49

Amazed in one room was the guy I

37:52

was talking to 10 minutes ago. I

37:55

was amazed that he was now inside. I

38:00

tried to open a steel filing cabinet. It

38:02

was locked. He tried to force the lock

38:04

by shaking the cabinet. I half smiled. You

38:06

don't succeed like that. Jimmy came

38:08

to the same conclusion. What

38:10

happened next took me completely by

38:12

surprise. God knows, this

38:14

has been a day of surprises. He placed

38:16

his left foot on a chair, drew

38:19

up the left trouser leg to reveal two

38:21

things. Cowboy boots that

38:23

reached well over his ankles and a

38:25

scabbard or sheath for a knife. He

38:29

drew out the knife. I shuddered. I

38:31

could tell it was a knife with a sharp end. Steve,

38:37

those other things are spoons. Jimmy poked

38:39

him out in the cabinet, locked with

38:41

the knife. He seemed determined to get

38:43

into those files. Probably wanted to fight

38:46

with his own file. This was

38:48

the mark of a man made anxious about his future.

38:51

The knife was not more successful. The shaking of

38:53

the cabinet had been. Jimmy Lawson

38:55

again placed his left foot on the chair

38:57

and carefully replaced the knife into its sheath.

38:59

He looked round furtively. He then

39:01

left the room, leaving the lights blazing. I

39:04

did not waste a moment. My

39:06

mind was whirring. Jimmy Lawson needed

39:08

further investigation, like Eddie Carberry. Just

39:11

for once, don't bring it back to

39:13

the person who's committed the murder. Just

39:16

folks on Jimmy Lawson at this stage.

39:19

Like Eddie Carberry, Jimmy had caused a dislike

39:21

of it and also the added incentive of

39:23

fearing that Pat Duffy would replace him. His

39:26

delight at being on the team sheet for the game

39:28

against Fulton had been clear to see. His

39:30

arrogance was obvious too. Those

39:32

who are arrogant will attempt anything, shielded,

39:35

as they believe, from the prospect of

39:37

failure. I like that. Suddenly

39:40

then I thought, is

39:42

it absurd that Jimmy Lawson would be going through

39:44

the files of the team? But then I just

39:46

thought, didn't Pat Nevan did that at Chelsea? Didn't

39:48

he? He went through the files of the team

39:51

so he could find out how much everyone earns

39:53

so that he could have a debate with Ken

39:55

Bates. So that's the thing that happens.

39:57

He's just patenting everything. Can't avoid boots. and

40:00

swinging his leg up to

40:03

reveal a scabbard inside

40:06

a cowboy boot. It's often the kind of

40:08

thing that happens in a Sherlock Holmes story

40:10

that and then it's revealed that this person

40:13

usually was a frontiersman in America

40:16

but Jimmy Lawson is a footballer

40:18

and there's a huge issue

40:20

here which is he would have got changed in

40:22

the dressing room with the rest of the team

40:24

after the game. He's going to get stick for

40:26

those cowboy boots isn't he? Yeah, when

40:29

he's putting on his scabbard there

40:31

must have been some kind of

40:34

a day after a murder and you're

40:36

attaching your scabbard to your

40:40

leg. I sprinted around the car park, a

40:42

few cars were there, I switched off

40:44

my mobile phone, he's already switched it

40:46

off. Oh my god, come on Steve. I

40:48

didn't want it to ring and reveal my

40:51

whereabouts to Jimmy Lawson, he was opening the

40:53

doors to his Ford saloon. I

40:56

decided to follow him. Here we go guys.

40:59

My car was in a

41:01

place specially reserved for me as first

41:03

team coach. I drive a

41:06

Jaguar X38 3.2, the

41:08

sports version. It's a very nice

41:10

motor, 3.2

41:12

litre AJ V8 all alloy engine,

41:15

classic colour interior theme, fluted leather

41:17

seats, contrast colour, keyed fascia, figured

41:19

walnut to the near, as good

41:21

as a motor as you can

41:23

hope to drive, but not

41:26

the car you choose when trying to follow

41:28

a Ford saloon in the discreet manner. One

41:30

look in his rear mirror and Jimmy would

41:32

guess who was tailing him. I

41:34

needed to be very careful indeed. He

41:36

turned left at the stadium near to the

41:38

cinema complex. A police car pulled away

41:40

from the cinema and tucked in behind me.

41:42

When people sit in police vehicle they usually

41:44

slow down and often feel guilty. We all

41:46

bend the traffic laws at some time. I

41:49

had nothing to feel guilty about. My registration

41:51

license and all other statutory details are

41:53

fully up to date. Jimmy

41:55

Lawson was my concern. I didn't want to lose him.

41:57

He had to stop at the traffic lights side

42:00

roads during the main Bridesford Road.

42:03

At this time of the day, the Bridesford Road

42:05

was busy. This made it easier for me to

42:07

blend in with the traffic. I

42:09

was tucked in about six cars behind Jimmy.

42:12

The stadium isn't far from the centre of the town,

42:14

situated in a flat river valley. Once,

42:18

a couple of hundred years ago, it might have

42:20

been a pretty wooded valley, but for more than

42:22

a hundred years it has had on it the

42:24

blight of the industry, a large chemical works and

42:26

a sewage farm did not lend beauty to the

42:28

place. So does that

42:31

later turn out to be Lawrence's? Yeah,

42:34

possibly. Also, like, isn't

42:36

the industrial light, the north of England are they

42:39

not really proud of

42:41

the industrial revolution and the

42:43

strength it gave to northern towns? He sees

42:46

that the industrial revolution is a blight. Yes,

42:49

he does. But however, in the last

42:51

few years there have been improvements. New

42:53

shopping centres for cinema complex and our

42:55

state of the art stages. Steve. The

42:57

old twin banana. Steve

43:00

absolutely hates the

43:03

industrial past. A

43:07

new shopping centre and things, we pulled it

43:09

back. Yeah. Steve would

43:11

love America, wouldn't he?

43:13

He'd absolutely love the

43:15

mall. Sorry, because it's

43:17

soccer. Jimmy drove up the ring road.

43:19

He made a turn to the left. He had no

43:22

choice. I followed. He pulled to the right and appeared

43:24

as if you're about to drive into

43:26

the town centre. Instead, he did a swift U-turn.

43:28

He beat the traffic lights, but I did

43:30

not. I was able to see in the

43:32

rearview mirror, the XJ's electrochromic

43:36

rearview mirror and the door mirrors

43:38

and the door mirrors, electrically adjustable

43:40

and heated, ensured I had clear

43:42

vision. What the fuck is that

43:44

bit? I'll

43:47

be honest, I'm

43:49

not a massive car man. I've not

43:52

understood pretty much any of the details about

43:54

the car. No, Walnut Vanier I got. I

43:56

got that. What's a fluted seat? I think

43:58

it's a fluted seat. You've really got the

44:00

leather piping on it? I don't know. Sounds

44:04

quite... And what about

44:06

fascia? What are those? Contrast colour

44:08

keyed fascia. Well, fascia on a phone is

44:10

something, isn't it? Is it like the dash?

44:14

Not helped me a lot, Josh. No.

44:18

Right. I watched

44:20

and saw Jimmy turn quickly to his left. I was surprised.

44:24

He had not, as far as I could tell, turned up a side

44:26

street. The lights were now in my favour.

44:28

I didn't follow Jimmy's route directly. Instead,

44:30

I turned up Kurt Gate and along the

44:32

street where the parish church stands. I wasn't

44:34

in need of spiritual support. This is a good place

44:36

in the evening to park a car. It's

44:40

well lit and there's always plenty of people. There's

44:43

little chance of having the car vandalised by

44:45

some envious person with nothing better to do.

44:47

The car is initialed into my metallic paint.

44:49

Ah! How

44:52

often does that happen? I mean, I suppose I've never driven

44:54

a Jaguar. But I feel like there is something that

44:56

happened a lot in the 90s, isn't it? Car keyed. But

45:00

they keyed it. They're officials? Yeah,

45:02

because it doesn't sort of lead you back. If you're a

45:04

suspect, it's like, Chris, did you scratch my car? No. But

45:08

it says CS on my car. Yeah. I

45:12

mean, it's framed. Absolutely

45:15

framed. To tell the

45:17

truth, I rarely go into the centre

45:19

of Ledersford. After a hard

45:21

day's work, I usually drive straight home to the front of the

45:23

car. After a hard day's work, I

45:25

usually drive straight home to Cheshire. I do know my

45:27

way round, however. I lock the car with central locking.

45:30

The Higgs J8

45:32

has a good security system with

45:35

ultrasonic extrusion sensing, radio frequency remote

45:37

control and engine demobiliser. All

45:40

necessary. This is a desirable motor.

45:42

It's actually madder than I remember

45:44

this day. So,

45:47

what are the challenges he's sat there with the

45:49

brochure? He's got 100%. He's

45:52

got the ultrasonic intrusion sensing. You could

45:55

just do the intrusion sensing. Would Steve

45:57

Bruce get a free car? Yeah,

46:00

I think he would. I think he would do. I think

46:02

as manager you'd be doing a lot of driving wouldn't you,

46:05

a lot of scouting, so you'd probably get a company car.

46:08

Doesn't he talk about this in later books where he says yes

46:11

they downgrade his car. Yes they do don't

46:13

they. I walked across a small park area

46:15

next to the parish church. Soon I was

46:17

on the ring road. I found

46:19

where Jimmy had turned. It was not

46:21

a street but a yard of which there are quite

46:23

a few in Letersford and other towns and cities in

46:26

this part of the country. It

46:28

really captures you know. This

46:30

chapter feels like he's padding.

46:32

This is a crap

46:35

chapter. It's a crap chapter.

46:37

I think to go from

46:39

the sort of specifics of

46:42

the walnut and the fascia in the car and

46:44

then to go quite a

46:46

lot of yards in the north. It's a

46:53

really poor chapter this one. There's

46:55

not enough happening. Quite boring chapter.

46:58

But what's weird is it's

47:00

got the XJ8 bit

47:02

in it. It's reminiscent to

47:05

Draw The Music analogy again of

47:08

a band who have a

47:10

bad album that somehow has one of their

47:12

biggest singles on it. I'm trying to give

47:14

an example. I suppose like Pablo, Creep Big

47:17

on Pablo Honey, that kind of situation where

47:19

their most famous song is on perhaps their

47:21

worst album. And this is

47:23

the situation Steve Barnes is in. Jimmy's

47:26

car was parked there. The yard was very dark.

47:28

There appeared to be light and activity in only

47:30

one place. I walked over carefully

47:32

and quietly. This was clearly the back

47:34

door to premises. There was a young

47:37

man sitting at a table near the

47:39

door. He was reading a flesh magazine.

47:41

Do you know what? This chapter was

47:43

really picked up. His

47:46

face was a mass of pimples. He

47:48

did not see me. But there's no way I could

47:50

enter without him noticing. It was my good luck that

47:52

he decided to go into a back room to purchase

47:54

a drink from a vending machine. I

47:57

slipped in very quietly. I found

47:59

myself in an ill-lit corridor. Can

48:02

I just ask, is a flash magazine a pornographic

48:04

magazine? Yes. Or

48:06

nuts. Zoo. Well I don't know if

48:09

they'd have existed at this point but yeah. Do

48:11

you think it's FHM or do

48:14

you think it's loaded? No, no,

48:16

I think it's like Brazzas or

48:18

readers wise. Who sits reading a

48:20

flash magazine? In premises. In premises.

48:24

In a manning the door of premises.

48:26

And it's quite ill-lit. How does he

48:29

find it? How can he read it?

48:31

What's he read? Anyway.

48:34

I think it's more of a lance-mack. That's my

48:36

personal take on it. Do you think Steve Bruce

48:38

or you're so nice. You're such a brood.

48:40

It's actually GQ but Steve Bruce is

48:43

a daily sport. I

48:47

found myself in an ill-lit corridor. At the

48:49

end there was a store place with

48:52

lots of dead chickens hanging on a books. In

48:54

addition, there were fridges and

48:56

an ice-making machine. You've got to rewrite

49:00

the phrase store place. Whatever

49:04

this place was and whatever it did, food

49:06

and drink were part of the operation. I

49:12

passed the food store and went into

49:14

another corridor. Better lit than the other.

49:16

Restaurants don't have dead chickens hanging up

49:19

in the back, do they? Isn't that all

49:21

they're taking care of much earlier on

49:23

in the process? Sorry, I thought this guy

49:25

was a doorman. The guy reading a flash

49:28

magazine. He's not, is he? Because in

49:30

my head he was a man at a table who'd be taking three quid for

49:32

you to enter. So is he

49:34

the security? The guy reading a book?

49:36

Dead chickens are so clumsy. Wouldn't you

49:38

just say chicken? Chickens hanging on hooks?

49:40

It's not an abattoir, isn't it? Yeah,

49:43

I think he's doing a bad job

49:45

at describing some kind of menacing abattoir.

49:47

You know how in The Sopranos the

49:49

Bada Bing acts as a makeshift meeting

49:51

place slash office for Tony Soprano? I

49:54

think he's trying to describe some place

49:56

that a criminal would exist. Is there

49:58

an ice-making machine? in an

50:00

abattoir. A vending machine

50:02

that sells pop, like

50:04

fridges, chickens. How many

50:07

staff is there that there's a vending machine

50:09

for the doorman who reads his flesh max?

50:11

I pass the food store and went into

50:14

another corridor, better lit than the other. On the

50:16

wall there was a CCTV camera. The

50:19

owners took security seriously. Nothing

50:21

wrong with that. We have, that's by the

50:23

way part of the book, not my own.

50:25

We have closed circuit TV at the end

50:28

of the book. I stopped briefly and stared

50:30

at the camera. Whoever was watching would know

50:32

perhaps who the intruder was. Then

50:35

I saw this guy coming toward me,

50:37

tall. He was dressed in black, slacks,

50:39

shirt, heavy boots. His

50:42

shoulders were as broad as a Sherman tank.

50:44

Anyone? Skal, you're into war. Er,

50:47

what, trying to guess? Do you

50:49

know what a Sherman tank is? Oh, erm, that's the

50:51

American tanks in World War Two. Oh, okay. It was

50:54

obvious the guy hadn't come for conversation. I thought you

50:56

were going to say to me, can you guess who's

50:58

coming? Like, who, a

51:00

Gary Pallister? It

51:05

was obvious the guy hadn't come

51:07

for conversation. He lunged towards me.

51:09

I prepared to defend myself from the attack.

51:11

Then I had a feeling someone was behind

51:13

me. I turned just in time to see

51:15

another guy. In his right hand there was

51:18

a heavy black truncheon and it was about

51:20

to land full on my head. The

51:22

end of the chapter. Wow. Cliffhanger.

51:25

I'd say that chapter really picked up in

51:27

the second half. Yeah, yeah. Yes,

51:30

your description of it as an album with

51:32

a few big hits in there was really

51:34

on point. Yeah, they really rushed released the

51:36

album tracks of that. But I'll tell you

51:38

what, when they're playing it in full for

51:40

the 20th anniversary tour, you're delighted

51:42

that you've got premises at the end. Doesn't

51:45

it? It wasn't Peter out. That's

51:47

for sure. Yeah, I'm going to

51:49

say it. I think this

51:52

chapter really lacked. I didn't realise

51:54

how much I love the characters

51:56

of Julie, Sir Lawrence and Harry

51:58

Pickles. gifts that

52:00

keep on giving, whereas those two dreary footballers were

52:02

quite dull. In a weird way it's quite an

52:04

ambitious chapter because it's all in his head. There's

52:07

no interaction

52:10

really with anyone else until he gets clubbed.

52:12

He was also, it was all written with

52:15

no punctuation like Ulysses. That was what he did

52:17

with this chapter. It was a really ambitious... Yeah,

52:21

there's a lot of inner monologue, isn't

52:23

there? There's just the one conversation. And

52:25

I think really for me dialogue is

52:27

where Steve Bruce is at his most

52:30

hilarious. Yeah. What

52:32

were your thoughts, Michael? It reminded me a lot

52:34

of one of those sort of mid-season episodes of

52:36

24 with Kiefer Sutherland where there's a lot of

52:38

exposition then right at the end he just cuts

52:40

someone's head off Faber-Pro and nothing. What

52:45

are we expecting then? Is there's a big fight

52:48

coming up? We know, we know. There's one big

52:50

line that's coming up. There's an absolute Hall of

52:52

Famer coming up. Yeah. Well, we

52:54

can look forward to that next month. I have to say

52:56

I was coming in, I think what threw me, I came

52:59

into this thinking, well, he's just been arrested, but

53:01

he kind of dispenses with that in the first

53:03

couple of lines as we're settling in. I thought

53:05

this was going to be a chapter about him

53:07

kind of getting bail, but it's done and dusted

53:09

and it's all in his head. Yeah.

53:11

It reminds me of, I watched that Macmillan thing

53:14

he recommended to me, Scott, which I enjoyed, but

53:16

they had a very annoying habit

53:20

of putting in a cliffhanger at the end

53:22

of the episode. That then they

53:24

would say at the start of the next

53:26

episode was completely misleading. One

53:29

person saying, I think this person did it. And then at the

53:31

start of the next episode, they've just

53:33

completely discounted that. Right. He knows he's

53:36

got to have a cliffhanger to keep

53:38

people. I was about to say listening,

53:40

but reading. Join

53:43

us next month for the next in

53:45

the Steve Barnes trilogy. There's lots of

53:47

other Patreon content going around. So do

53:49

listen to all that. But for now,

53:51

Robbie Slater, see you later. you