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Quip & QuirkEpisodes
Episodes of Quip & Quirk
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"I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything." Garfield, created by Jim Davis, is a lazy, lasagna-loving orange tabby cat known for his sarcastic humor and disdain for Mondays. First appearing in a comic strip in 1978, he quickly
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."Lily Tomlin, American actress.Lily Tomlin is a celebrated American comedian and actress known for her sharp wit and distinctive characters in comedy sketches.
"When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better."Mae West, American actress.Mae West was an iconic actress and playwright known for her bold wit and charismatic presence, which made her a major figure in Hollywood during the 1930s. H
"A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks." Benjamin Franklin, American polymath.Benjamin Franklin was one of the Founding Fathers of the United States and a leading figure in the American Enlightenment. He was a polymath, excelling a
"I like women. I don't understand them, but I like them." Sean Connery, Scottish actor.Sean Connery, a legendary Scottish actor, is best known for his role as the original James Bond, charming audiences worldwide with his suave demeanor and dis
"Anyone who wears jogging trousers has lost control of their life."Karl Lagerfeld, German fashion designer.Karl Lagerfeld was a towering figure in the fashion industry, renowned for his role as the creative director of Chanel, a position he hel
"Bad decisions make good stories."Ayn Rand, American author.Ayn Rand was a Russian-American novelist and philosopher, best known for her philosophical system called Objectivism and her novels "Atlas Shrugged" and "The Fountainhead." Her works e
"Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese."Billie Burke, American actress.Billie Burke, an enchanting actress best known for her role as Glinda the Good Witch in "The Wizard of Oz," was married to Florenz Ziegfeld Jr., the legendary Broad
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."Mark Twain, born Samuel Langhorne Clemens in 1835, was an American writer renowned for his sharp wit and deep insights into human nature. His most famous works, including "The Adventu
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."George Carlin was a groundbreaking Amer
The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.Robert Benchley, American humorist.Robert Benchley was a renowned American humorist, theater critic, and actor, known for his witty and satirical writing in the early to
She thinks I’m too critical. That’s another fault of hers. "Arrested Development" is a critically acclaimed comedy series known for its sharp wit, intricate plots, and eccentric characters. It follows the misadventures of the Bluth family, a fo
"I hope that someday you'll know the indescribable joy of having children and of paying someone else to raise them."The quote from "The Addams Family," playfully subverts traditional family values with a distinctively macabre twist, embodying t
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas: people being helped by people other than me.”From "Seinfeld", American sitcom."Seinfeld," often hailed as a show about nothing, brilliantly turns everyday life into the subject of comedy through its focus o
"If you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows, please give me money so I can buy a computer."From "Friends"."Friends" is a beloved American sitcom that revolves around the lives of six close-knit friends navigating the ups and downs of
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.Zsa Zsa Gabor, socialite and actress.Zsa Zsa Gabor was a Hungarian-American actress and socialite, renowned for her glamorous lifestyle, quick wit, and multiple marriages to high-profil
"In the midst of Gaulish chaos, where laughter reigns supreme, lies the chilling truth of invincible warriors with no fear."René Goscinny - "Asterix and the Normans".René Goscinny was a prolific French comic editor and writer, best known for co
"It's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love."Bill Hicks, American comedian.Bill Hicks was a visionary Amer
"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."Jerry Seinfeld, American stand-up comedian.Jerry Seinfeld is a stand-up comedian renowned for his observational humor, exploring the little quirks and absurditie
"I went to the doctor and told him 'doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?' He said 'I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.'"Richard Pryor, American stand-up comedian and a
"My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects."Les Dawson, British comedian.Les Dawson was a beloved British comedian and writer, renowned for his deadpan style and skillful piano mishaps. He captured the hearts of audiences
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, and the Swiss hold the America's Cup.Chris Rock, American comedian.Chris Rock is an acclaimed America
"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this."Emo Philips, American stand-up comedian.Emo Philips, known for his distinctive paraprosdokian style of humor, crafts jokes that le
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."Phyllis Diller, American comedian.Phyllis Diller was an American stand-up comedian and actress, renowned for her distinctive laugh, self-deprecating
"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."Joan Rivers, American comedian.Joan Rivers was an American comedian, actress, and television host known for her sharp wit, brash style, and groundbreaking w
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