0:13

Hello friends. It's Rosie. Welcome

0:16

to Radioheadspace and to

0:18

Tuesday. So

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I was thinking about a time when I had to set

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some boundaries with someone really close

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to me, my dad. And

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for anyone who's gone through it,

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you know that setting boundaries can be

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tough. Whether it's breaking away

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from a toxic friend, a difficult

0:37

family member, or even letting your

0:39

boss know that you won't be available after

0:41

six. Setting boundaries takes

0:44

a lot of energy. But

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it's worth it, especially if

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those boundaries improve your mental health.

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So what do you do when someone's creating

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tension for you? How do you deal

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with people that you love who make

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you feel energetically drained? Today,

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I'll share how I've been able to draw and

1:02

I'll give you some tips on how you can do it

1:04

too. My

1:07

dad is the most and most shuttle

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person I've ever met in my entire life in

1:11

the best way. He is

1:14

just so loving and my

1:16

dad's the type of person that would take

1:18

his shirt off his back for somebody in need.

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He's also the most codependent person

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I've ever met in my entire life.

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When my parents separated, I was

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ten, and I became

1:30

my dad's therapist. I

1:32

shouldn't have been privy to

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the inner workings of my parents relationships

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or how he felt about her. And

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I just always felt the responsibility

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to make my dad happy. My

1:48

dad always drank so I didn't think that

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his use of alcohol was ever an issue

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until I got older and

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I started going to therapy and I

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started to see how

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his bouts of intoxication would

2:03

create this different person that

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I didn't know. I

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finally decided to set a boundary with

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my dad when he called me in the

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midst of one of his drunken

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escapades. I answered

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and I was just telling him that

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I was on my way to this

2:20

work event and I didn't have the time

2:22

to take his call and he just

2:25

unloaded on me. He was so angry.

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And he had never been

2:32

mean to me in

2:34

my entire life. And although

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he wasn't cursing at me,

2:39

his energy and his demeanor was just

2:41

very sharp and mean and

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It was almost like it was a great experience for

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me to have because it really allowed

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me to see the codependents

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see and the asymmetrical nature

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of our relationship. After

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this incident, he had apologized and

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we sat down and I had this conversation that

3:01

was very difficult. I finally

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said that he could not

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call me if he was in toxic cated. If

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I could hear in his voice that he had been

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drinking, I wouldn't take his call or I

3:11

would hang up or would say, let's talk tomorrow

3:13

morning. And that

3:16

work You can't

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change people, but you can

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set a boundary so that you're protecting yourself

3:23

and your energy. That's the most

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important thing to do. I

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think the thing you need to do when

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setting boundaries is to communicate what

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you need with respect. A

3:37

good rule of thumb is to never

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use the words You

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always and you never.

3:45

Always and never innately

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have a defensive

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or an accusatory undertone. So

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I always state it in the positive. For

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example, I see that

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we're having a difficult time and

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I really feel that it's best

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for us to think about what we need.

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So that sounds a little bit more positive. It's

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respectful. It's clear and

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it gives both parties an opportunity

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to co create a solution. Tip

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number two, know when

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you need space. There were

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several times during me and my dad's relationship

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where I had to take breaks and sometimes

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that's all I needed. Sometimes

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this is easier if you send a request for

4:30

space in written form, like a text

4:32

or an email, something like I'm

4:34

sorry can't talk right now. I just need

4:36

some time for myself. It's

4:39

also easier for you to avoid any

4:41

hurtful replies that way. Instead

4:43

of a face to face confrontation, especially

4:46

if talking directly hasn't worked in the

4:48

past. If

4:50

you need some guidance around the feelings that

4:52

come with setting boundaries like guilt or

4:54

discomfort, there's a strengthening your boundaries

4:57

meditation in the app for you. That's

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it for now. If you wanna share your thoughts

5:02

with me about this episode, be sure

5:04

to find me on Instagram at rosia

5:06

Costa. Thank you for letting me

5:08

share and thank you so much for listening.

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I'll see you back here soon.