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listen at song exploder dot net

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through history to see what we've done in the past

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more equitable future available on podcast

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platforms everywhere

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there are many ways

1:59

a person can think about

2:02

life i mean the

2:04

, commonly used metaphor for

2:06

it is a journey

2:08

and

2:10

maybe it is that a ,

2:12

roaming winding adventure adventure

2:15

people also consider also dust

2:18

in it wind an infinitesimal

2:20

experience compared to the fast history

2:22

of the universe us maybe it's

2:24

just a single drop in the midst drop a race

2:28

or , for some asks

2:31

maybe life scenario sleep or perhaps quicksand

2:33

or sandbags maybe

2:36

laces the whole playground or

2:38

an open field

2:41

maybe life is a series of hills

2:43

ups and downs and ups

2:45

again or , single mountain to

2:48

climb climb revert to rose

2:50

mine are a wave that comes and

2:53

goes

2:54

when ocean to dive into and some

2:56

around in in search of treasure

2:59

maybe life as a

3:01

classroom

3:02

the homework or test maybe

3:05

if the ball court and football field

3:07

of the faxing maybe

3:10

it's to dance to know the uneven

3:12

bars maybe life as life as

3:14

reunion over detention center

3:17

or an amusement park with his strains

3:19

his music festival novel you

3:23

need to move better , to play

3:25

because all the world's a stage

3:27

race maybe oh the world's

3:29

of seats in life is just

3:31

a really well written since

3:36

or maybe like the casino

3:39

or a game to bed on and

3:41

i'm willing to make that bet because one

3:43

and knows a deal to

3:46

i believe the odds are in my favor in

3:49

three because

3:51

my mother made me

4:23

i'm jason reynolds and this

4:25

is my mother made me a podcast

4:27

from radio topi a presents about

4:30

some of the things my mom has taught me about

4:32

life like , i can do anything

4:35

or the value of gratitude or the

4:37

importance of believing in some kind

4:39

of higher power power this is

4:41

all important but see also

4:44

taught me how to gamble going

4:47

to more genuine go to

4:49

, we always go about before noon

4:52

far far good idea of them before

4:54

them and know and

4:56

this particular context i'm not using

4:59

gambling as a metaphor for life

5:02

i'm talking about actual gambling and

5:04

if you heard of the episodes of this podcast

5:07

you may be a little confused about

5:09

was this woman who seems to be so

5:11

evolved would expose had

5:13

child to the risky and irresponsible

5:16

world of

5:18

because he thinks it's fun

5:21

to see that that

5:27

mack back relative says that

5:29

ago this was

5:32

the on the first one we

5:34

made it to the mc him during to

5:36

only other place my mother loves as much

5:38

as cosco those they couldn't be

5:40

more different casinos

5:42

are like walking through second become are kaleidoscope

5:45

scuffle with an onslaught of sounds and

5:47

emotion with

5:50

costco off as in size casinos

5:53

often stimulation the

5:55

biggest difference of course is which

5:57

you walk out with

5:59

you have is usually goes

6:02

as go if she wants to take it down

6:05

to the casino that really

6:07

a trip because it's right down the street from

6:09

our house it wasn't always

6:11

this way we , to have to travel

6:13

a few hours to delaware was

6:15

west virginia but now it's

6:17

just a ten minute crews to the bottom

6:20

of our pockets which has made i was

6:22

is it's a bit more frequent frequent

6:25

get their parking garages

6:28

make our way up to the casino floor with

6:30

a joke about how

6:32

my mother she beats security

6:37

guard smirks and waves history then

6:39

we go on our search for ferry packed

6:42

into this no

6:44

my mom loves to gamble she likes

6:47

to do with the way she likes to do and

6:49

for her the wheel of fortune slot

6:51

machines as the only way

6:55

but for some reason the casino

6:58

moved them every week i

7:00

don't know if it's to make sure all the machines

7:02

are being used to us if they sink

7:04

will spend more money if we have to go

7:06

on a wild goose chase which by the way

7:09

we always do talk

7:11

about a full more hunt for the wheel of fortune

7:14

you , sink van away impaired say

7:16

that we're meeting as there there

7:18

we always find it and when we do

7:21

my mother eases down in says it's if

7:24

it's , her a few bucks and off she

7:26

goes max bet max

7:28

bet maximum the

7:32

goddamn as an eyewitness as

7:36

, whole the woman woman

7:38

says the numbers my mother's my

7:42

we have his number

7:47

his a there's a

7:50

mama mama

7:53

mama send the me or this she's pressing

7:56

the max bet that over and

7:58

over again and losing

8:00

over and over again five

8:03

bucks i

8:09

am sooo the different like whenever

8:15

the number of know st

8:24

numbers or something that i've heard about many

8:26

many times but i've never actually

8:29

asked about in my mother's never really giving

8:31

mean details the now the

8:33

my mom is open enough about this devouring

8:36

everywhere especially ,

8:38

my grandparents both died when i was

8:40

young young i was never able

8:42

to really get to get to

8:44

level with napster about

8:46

an hour because we never gamble for

8:48

more than an hour of a telling me

8:51

all this and as winning money and

8:53

losing it again we continue

8:55

our conversation and move on to have

8:57

a next casino tradition months

9:02

crappy there's nothing

9:04

quite like talking

9:09

he

9:16

made , out

9:18

number people to know all

9:21

of number

9:22

that many and seventy

9:30

the my sentences for the baby

9:33

have , dad used to play play

9:36

dollars a week a

9:39

that was that that bit of

9:42

a lot of her that's ,

9:44

of money for anybody then and even

9:46

now but it's especially

9:49

amount of money for my grandfather

9:53

eugene fama was the stingy

9:55

is man i have no the grandson

9:57

of a free man and inheritor of

9:59

a who hundred acres of land and

10:01

rural south carolina my

10:04

grandfather was many things that

10:06

mostly farmer i

10:09

don't have too many memories of my

10:11

only memory of him in d c is

10:14

of him taking me to the playground behind his

10:16

apartment to play on the swings the

10:18

rest of from when he moved back to south carolina

10:21

then i remember him always call the meets

10:23

jake for some reason that

10:26

maybe sounds odd to some butts

10:28

and my family's nicknames just

10:30

can happen for

10:32

instance even though my grandfather's

10:34

name was eugene everyone

10:36

called him m t and

10:39

no one not even my mother knows where

10:42

mmm memories of him when his old tractor

10:44

stressed and khakis and boots

10:47

he'd sit me on that track do with him and we'd

10:49

go row for row turning over

10:51

the soil preparing it for planting my

10:55

last memory when i will never

10:57

forget was a my mother and i had

10:59

gone down south to see him for a few days

11:02

and when we were packing the corrupt to return

11:04

home so he put a five dollar bill

11:06

or my hands and so media split

11:08

it with my brother

11:12

though i never knew grandpa

11:14

the gambler and then never even heard

11:16

my mother or anyone on our family even

11:18

talk about him that way until now

11:39

that noted for his mom ,

11:41

it so me that whenever my grandfather

11:43

would hit the number which did happen occasionally

11:46

instead of doing something nice for his wife

11:49

and children he eats go and spend all the

11:51

winnings on himself for good for bad

11:53

as family

11:55

however according to my mom it

11:58

was different my my grandma the

12:00

number mama hit hit

12:02

number four hours

12:05

nine three hundred and now i'm

12:09

, no loss to

12:12

be a smaller more children and was

12:14

wrong

12:16

a different mentality you

12:18

, you when you

12:20

share this

12:24

was the origin story her addicted father

12:26

and generous mother of my mother's

12:28

love of gas and ,

12:30

i have fond memories of going

12:32

with her every day to the liquor store where

12:34

she bad cheap wine and plate numbers

12:37

see let me pick some and even by me scratches

12:40

and even memories of been nine years old

12:42

going with her to vegas for the first time

12:45

i was still curious to know more

12:48

like when all this started for real

12:51

for her missy made her own

12:53

first wages muncie first

12:55

one when she last

12:58

when she first lost everything see just

13:00

one

13:02

the and out

13:03

all this happened years after mr

13:05

morgan came round the house to collect those

13:07

papers lips and cash as

13:09

in she was all grown up with

13:13

, first time for the flowers and and was

13:15

i i ,

13:17

friends , i've friends

13:20

loved him i've

13:23

he thinks he him

13:26

like is essential homicide essential

13:28

got responsibility say

13:33

that feels like essential class of those is if

13:35

you exam

13:40

they would as a so my life

13:45

keeping her feet on the ground has definitely

13:48

been the story of her life which

13:50

, funny since this whole conversation

13:53

has been about gambling which seems like

13:55

the ladies thing in the world the

13:58

mumbai the even in the it's of gambling

14:01

always knows exactly how much

14:03

is comes pants and when it's can

14:08

see , knows it if she wins wins

14:10

when in the same goes for me

14:13

if i win of course humans

14:15

we all we and

14:17

if we lose at least we got to

14:19

spend a little time together before the

14:21

final ritual heading back

14:24

to the garage to see if we remember

14:26

where we fall because the

14:35

always you my mother

14:45

this commandment

14:47

if you will while keeping

14:49

one seat on the ground there's

14:51

also been the story of my life

14:54

remember being a young poet in high school

14:57

excited to know people were coming to

14:59

him he read my poetry or

15:01

, got into the poison ivy of my life

15:03

with no one of his said it was was

15:06

i v one of the sickest safe

15:08

all added to added winning talent shows again

15:10

singers nobody ever

15:12

been singers

15:15

or when i was in college

15:18

and was profile for the first time by

15:20

the washington post and

15:22

, the my mother that seller the news and

15:24

seed smile and say without

15:26

sale that's all good

15:28

but just make sure you keep your feet

15:30

on the ground used

15:32

to annoy me make me think

15:35

she was more concerned about my seat been

15:37

on the grounds that all the cool things

15:39

that were happening to me the accomplishments

15:42

and milestones that were coming in waves

15:44

well before i was even twenty one years old

15:47

seem like such a killjoy keep

15:50

your feet on the ground keep your feet

15:52

on the ground not only was she beating

15:54

me over their head with this but it was something

15:56

she even taken up with god

15:59

where were the things and pray for most

16:02

about me

16:05

they got old we're back at my mom

16:08

sounds haven't oppose casino chess

16:10

my mother has already checked to see if there were

16:12

any missed calls was he was gone and

16:15

, both pulled up to the kitchen table

16:18

you know what since they will come as will come

16:20

to you

16:23

the thing and i prefer the most about us health

16:25

and safety

16:26

the

16:28

do before

16:30

, was always to live

16:32

your dream

16:34

make something of your life into something for somebody

16:37

else

16:37

and as always been important to me

16:39

to some for mankind you

16:42

know and i think you've already proven that

16:46

and you doing that you know and

16:48

now i

16:50

just want you to be healthy wants you to be safe

16:53

and do that health and safety i think

16:55

you'd be happy

16:56

the folie a

16:58

deux out there was another thing

17:00

now fetch he was always on my back about that

17:03

using the everyday what

17:05

, your feet on the ground or even

17:08

remotely that his son that

17:10

will always be among the top sometimes

17:13

this made me self conscious about celebrating

17:16

liked , be happy about hitting the jackpot

17:19

is a mistake or a

17:22

character flaw the was wrong with

17:24

feeling good nothing

17:26

nothing at all is another always

17:29

feel and good is another thrown than other people

17:31

know you feel good either and same

17:33

thing wrong with this but i do see some the wrong with

17:35

the when he goes to extreme

17:38

don't let it go to the extreme

17:44

i think when i talk to you about

17:47

don't let your feet leave the ground i think

17:50

it's i

17:52

don't have the see that i have have

17:55

put that can lead

17:58

for you or what it can turn into

17:59

you

18:02

that yours or mine mine

18:06

what am i turn ensued

18:09

would you thing i turned into

18:12

a , monster

18:14

conceded bread and

18:18

you have the to louis do that you know absolutely

18:23

she's right

18:25

i definitely have the tools to be arrogant

18:28

we all do the matter of fact

18:30

that use those jews before wielded

18:33

them recklessly a long a long ago

18:35

reluctantly

18:39

because this is being recorded for by

18:41

guests spoke to someone

18:43

who was right there when it happened hey

18:46

you know it was an interesting time

18:48

that's an the could best be

18:50

described as my day one my

18:53

brother not by blood but by

18:55

bond we met his four

18:57

year olds in kindergarten the been close

18:59

ever since the mother treats

19:01

him as their own because he practically

19:03

grew up in that house with me and

19:06

he practically lives in my house now

19:08

we're still that close he's

19:11

been a consistent source of trust

19:14

and truth in my life even

19:16

when the truth don't feel so good

19:19

your junior year of high

19:21

school i think was a year when

19:24

you saw does aiming

19:26

to your own

19:28

and dead transformation

19:31

woods who is beautiful know some ways

19:33

also had ah

19:38

some sticky opposed to it rise

19:42

i think some of that com

19:45

com finished a you gaze came

19:48

at a cost of others we

19:50

were somewhere and i can't remember what he was

19:53

the you say something to somebody

19:55

and out like mad as

19:59

he did remember what it was he's

20:02

as i want to say

20:03

these protective like that which is why i love

20:06

the do so much the

20:08

basically we'd hung out with some

20:10

folks and once we'd left him

20:12

at showed him showed much better we words in

20:15

them how much better i was

20:17

and the make matters worse that

20:20

wasn't the first time i'd said something like that

20:22

because is one thing to

20:24

to grow in coffee is is another

20:27

thing to grow

20:29

that coffin is by tearing down somebody

20:32

else and and that's what he started

20:34

to feel like for a second and

20:37

you didn't need to do downloading any of

20:39

this needed to do that i like a coffin

20:41

issues with you today so it is but

20:44

it's different whenever conversation we

20:46

had in that moment we've never had

20:48

have again

20:50

i don't think i've ever been more embarrassed

20:52

disappointed in myself and i

20:54

was that day once had been informed

20:57

of away i was treating people people

20:59

i knew and loved people i

21:01

thought i'd respect i

21:03

lost my footing and i guess when of

21:05

the most dangerous parts about floating

21:08

you that you don't always know your seat of left

21:11

i'll always be grateful to air and for being

21:13

honest with me and in wanting to

21:15

be honest with my mother's i told her

21:17

all about that moment and how

21:19

afterward i dug my heels and and

21:22

became almost obsessive li concerned

21:24

about it ever happening again

21:26

for losing their an annuity i

21:28

could be a monster the

21:30

be pace i'm always reminding

21:32

myself that like this a number job

21:36

the whole lot of the stuff in attention

21:39

is just attention and usa

21:42

but i'm also not

21:45

comfortable with say can it be

21:47

strange way we make ourselves more

21:49

just because we think small is less

21:51

threatening

21:52

that don't sit right with me either or

21:55

i don't know if know if be falsely fumble

21:58

the going to be humble

22:01

because i'm grateful

22:03

the not humble because i'm afraid of being

22:05

arrogant

22:07

and i'm trying to find that

22:09

balance rate

22:11

i don't think you'd need to be humbled

22:13

because you're free to be in our that's he

22:15

says that the be you near

22:18

they gonna be you

22:19

you work it out you know him once

22:21

it comes out you know whether you felt comfortable

22:24

with that are you didn't feel comfortable with that

22:26

i think that is one of them alive for gratitude that's

22:29

a great life and limb senate and humidity

22:32

in the idea of keeping your feet and comes

22:35

directly from that

22:40

that to jack the

22:43

jackpot which i'm certainly grateful for

22:46

grateful don't mean nothing if nothing came acknowledged

22:48

that it's been built by many things

22:50

some of which have laid out on other

22:53

episodes of this podcast like

22:55

trusting myself ants to belief

22:57

in a higher power but

22:59

it's also been built bad to as

23:01

pieces the first

23:04

is that i'm , gambler

23:06

gambler times time using gambling

23:08

as a metaphor for life for

23:10

, on jason eugene rings

23:14

madison that machine kind of guy despite

23:17

the rush that comes from pulling the lever because

23:19

it seems like too much were fools mckenna

23:22

guy who plays the tables and

23:25

pulls up a seat and looks at the cards

23:27

in his hand combat on himself

23:31

and a loss hand after hand

23:33

after hands but i kept playing

23:35

until i finally won one

23:37

then another

23:39

then another

23:42

n number two

23:44

if the tides turn which is always

23:46

possible i'll be able

23:48

to sustain because of something else that has

23:50

helped to build this life the

23:52

fact that my see

23:54

i firmly on

24:00

that it isn't just about humility for

24:02

humidity's sake it's ,

24:04

the ground my seat rest on is

24:07

a ground that's been killed by so many

24:09

other people this , ground

24:11

turned over and nurtured and

24:13

said by my grandparents and

24:16

my brothers

24:17

my father and levar burton

24:19

and air and and so many other

24:21

loved ones most important being

24:24

my mother my most grateful

24:26

to have learned so much from one

24:28

it's you

24:29

three

24:31

in the essential nature

24:35

her on a i have

24:38

learned maneuvers is maneuvers nice and douglas

24:42

no you're not

24:45

even trying to learn does something that and say

24:48

this guy knows this summer two children can

24:50

teach you

24:51

and i'm i'm truly

24:55

ungrateful great for the changes

24:58

i've made in my life that some obama live

25:00

somewhere to happen in my life has helped

25:02

me to make , exchanges

25:06

of counties illnesses and stuff

25:08

like that then

25:11

you said gratitude gratitude it's

25:15

it's , really important so

25:19

you don't okay

25:26

i'm doing okay

25:28

we're doing okay

25:31

life is okay so a match

25:33

sure okay is the best way to describe

25:37

maybe it's more like lace

25:40

is an open road

25:41

the runway for airplanes or

25:43

some models or maybe

25:46

maybe ride over car rides or

25:48

a bike ride over a few revolutions

25:51

around a roller rink or roller

25:53

coaster

25:54

the some maybe ,

25:57

is war

25:59

the

25:59

a negotiation for peace

26:03

maybe it's the corny family photo

26:06

and matching outfits framed on the war

26:08

or maybe it's the candid satsuma disposable

26:11

camera never developed

26:13

maybe life is one

26:16

big thanksgiving dinner with

26:18

, grace grace laughter

26:21

and nourishment some

26:24

uninvited guests a

26:26

few arguments and some good

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rest at the individual maybe

26:32

it's a wistful our in a casino or

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lazy trip around trip around or

26:38

long lunch and a nice restaurant

26:53

or maybe

26:54

life is just

26:56

a few much needed conversations

27:00

with your mother

27:26

my mother made me is a production

27:28

of radio toby a presents and is

27:30

written and narrated by me jason

27:32

reynolds with my mother isabel when the

27:35

, is produced by mark began and edited

27:37

by julie shapiro with production

27:40

support from your with disorder disorder

27:42

shapiro and rg mart of it's executive

27:45

producers for radio for special

27:48

thanks to my homeboy jason griffin for the cover

27:50

arts and to my brother christian reynolds

27:52

for killing the for song mixing

27:55

sound design and original score is

27:57

by in cause in also

27:59

want to think

27:59

while and folks and pr rex who

28:02

work their butts off of is donna

28:04

, daves town and

28:06

disappear gretchen boise

28:08

and maggie going ourselves

28:11

on a shoutout kinda screaming manus who

28:13

worked tirelessly to keep me

28:16

read utopia presents debuts

28:18

limited run artist own series

28:21

from new and original voices for

28:23

more information visit radio to

28:25

be

28:55

like that's the way it works honey

28:59

i , you need oil