0:00

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0:03

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outside the UK.

0:07

BBC Sounds.

0:10

Music, radio, podcasts. Right,

0:14

Reeves, are you OK to go for a walk? Yeah?

0:17

Make you good sleep tonight? Oh, yeah. You?

0:20

Yeah. You got a map? Here

0:22

we go. Can I have a look at the map? So,

0:28

BBC Ramblings, Walk With Claire. We'll start in Annings

0:31

Lane and then go to Derry House and

0:34

then... What's that say? The Fields.

0:36

Walk Through The Fields. Walk Through The Fields.

0:39

Then past St Mary's Church, Post Office, the petrol

0:41

station and

0:44

then finish at Seaside Boarding House.

0:47

Annings Lane, Manny,

0:49

is that named after the fossil hunter? It

0:51

is, yeah. Mary Anning. So she was local,

0:53

she was from Lyme Regis. That gives

0:55

you a clue as to where we are today on Ramblings. I've

0:58

come to Dorset. We're going to be walking

1:00

down to the Jurassic Coast, aren't we? Finishing

1:03

right on the sea's edge. And

1:06

if you want to follow us on the map, we're on OS Explorer 116,

1:12

which is Lyme Regis and Bridport. And

1:14

we're setting out from SY 491897. And

1:19

I've come here to meet Manny and Mary

1:21

Anning. And I've come here to meet Manny and

1:23

Ruben Coe, who

1:25

have together written and illustrated the

1:27

most beautiful book called Brother,

1:29

Do You Love Me? And

1:32

we will explore the story of that. And

1:35

of brotherly connection as we walk. But

1:38

I know that walking has been a key part of your

1:41

life, your life individually, but your life

1:43

together.

1:43

This walk would have

1:45

been impossible for Rubes two years ago.

1:49

The first walk that we took together when we were

1:51

here in lockdown,

1:52

we got about 100 meters and

1:54

then Rubes said, I'm done. It

1:56

was always his dream to reach the sea. And

1:59

it was.

1:59

unfathomable really for

2:02

him. Back then he was just so malnourished

2:05

and he had muscle wastage and we'll talk

2:07

about how and why later but physically

2:09

he would have been

2:10

it would have been impossible for him. But Reuben

2:13

you're much stronger ready for the walk

2:15

today? Oh yes, we've

2:18

got a big smile. Almost amusing

2:21

you get an insight into Reuben's outlook

2:23

on life which is always to point

2:25

out the positive. Yeah always. And therefore

2:28

he talks about having up syndrome. Yes. Would

2:31

never refer to it as Down syndrome it's up

2:33

syndrome. Yeah he renamed

2:35

it didn't you Reuben? We've

2:41

headed out of your garden and we've

2:43

got a copse of trees on the left hand

2:45

side and wooden post and rail fencing on

2:48

a very quiet country road and heading

2:50

steadily up a hill with a stone

2:53

dry stone wall coming

2:56

up on our left. It's

2:58

a breezy day a little bit cloudy

3:01

but spring-like and it feels I think

3:03

if the Sun breaks through those clouds will be really

3:05

warm you're in shorts Manny. Yeah

3:09

and we're going to walk very steadily.

3:12

Yeah. Reuben's walks more

3:14

or less a third of the pace of

3:17

the average walker so everything takes three

3:19

times longer but you look three times

3:21

more carefully at everything. So we

3:23

discovered this when we did the pilgrimage

3:25

route in Spain with Reuben's 20 years

3:28

ago almost and he walked 210 miles.

3:30

The never-ending journey that was wasn't

3:34

it Reuben? Do

3:35

you want to do it again? No

3:40

thank you. But

3:42

that was an incredible time because we had

3:44

to walk at Reuben's pace and

3:46

that's when Nathan and I as brothers understood what

3:48

it was like to be Reuben's. So

3:51

I don't mind walking at this pace now because

3:53

you see the world in a different way.

3:55

And even just in that you know short

3:58

few steps emerging from the from

4:00

the cops up the hill

4:02

slightly the view opens

4:04

out and you see the lushness

4:07

of the fields and the red

4:09

of the soil over there and

4:10

I

4:12

can feel the sea I can't see

4:14

it yet but I can feel it kind

4:16

of feels over there. Just

4:20

over that ridge is the Jurassic Coast.

4:26

So we better explain what the title

4:29

of the book Brother Do You Love Me what it refers

4:31

to. So Reubs invented this book

4:33

didn't you babes? Reubs used

4:35

to live with me in Spain for

4:38

seven years he lived with Jack and myself my

4:40

partner we were his primary

4:43

carers and then he had a breakdown in September

4:46

of 2018. Brought

4:48

on by isolation we think the

4:50

fact that he didn't speak Spanish in a very

4:53

Spanish community so

4:55

he came back to live in the UK in

4:58

a care home

4:58

in Dorset but unfortunately

5:01

the timing was atrocious he moved in right

5:03

at the end of January 2020 and then we

5:06

all remember what happened.

5:09

So all of a sudden Reubs was completely

5:12

cut off from everybody

5:14

he knew everybody he loved anybody he'd

5:16

ever known and the

5:18

care home took the hard line and Reubs was isolated

5:21

in your room weren't you babes? And

5:23

also

5:23

because you're a very tactile person I mean

5:26

your arm is is through your brother's elbow

5:28

and I know that you're a big hugger and

5:31

to not be able to touch people

5:34

to not be able to have a hug

5:35

it's almost the the

5:37

cruelest deprivation.

5:41

Was it hard Reubs? No. No? No.

5:43

He's my family.

5:46

He's my family but I wasn't I couldn't get

5:48

to you could I? Did you find

5:50

that hard?

5:51

Did you miss us? Yeah.

5:55

And then something appeared in that time when

5:57

when Reuben wasn't allowed to

5:59

touch anyone. anybody. What do you

6:01

always carry with you now? His

6:05

paintbrush. It's

6:08

sad, it breaks my heart to explain this,

6:10

but Reuben actually used to paint himself

6:12

to feel touch because

6:15

he was so lonely and isolated and he was

6:17

in this room. When I think about it, he was in the room

6:20

for probably 20, 22 hours

6:22

a day. The only time he left was to eat and to sit in

6:27

the bench in the garden. Didn't

6:30

really understand what was happening.

6:32

Didn't want to talk to us. We WhatsApp'd and

6:34

sent him cards and letters and gifts, but even

6:37

those had to stay in the

6:38

porch for 72 hours before they were allowed

6:41

into the home. Some of them didn't

6:43

even make it to his room. People

6:46

forgot to distribute them.

6:48

I knew we were in trouble when a local photographer

6:50

who's from Dorset, from this area, was

6:54

making a collection of portraits of people who were

6:56

affected by the pandemic for

6:58

the archives in the local museum. He heard

7:01

about Reuben and asked, could

7:03

I go along and take a portrait of him? They

7:06

met through the bedroom window

7:08

of his downstairs room

7:10

and there was a connection and Reuben put his hand up

7:12

on the pane of glass, almost to reach

7:15

him. That's when he

7:17

pressed the shutter. The

7:19

image he captured is Reuben trying to reach

7:22

out. It's quite harrowing, actually, that image. I didn't like

7:24

looking at it. When I saw that,

7:26

I knew that we were in trouble. I

7:28

knew that Reuben wasn't okay. The care home was

7:30

saying, he's fine, he's fine, he's

7:32

very quiet but he's fine.

7:34

When I saw that photograph, I knew he wasn't. I

7:37

came back, actually, that summer and was

7:39

allowed to travel. I was

7:42

here for 46 days and I went to visit Reuben 46

7:45

times, but I wasn't allowed to touch him.

7:48

We both had to wear masks and we were allowed to go

7:50

for a little walk each day, weren't we, Reuben? Where did

7:53

we go? A bench.

7:55

What did we call it? A

7:57

bench. Yeah,

8:02

and we sat on this bench looking at each

8:04

other in this crazy mad world we live in trying

8:06

to make sense of it all. And

8:08

we did have a secret hug, didn't we, Rude?

8:11

We put our masks on and we gelled

8:15

our hands and everything and looked left and right

8:17

to make sure there was no one looking and we had a little secret hug.

8:20

And what did you say to me?

8:22

Can you remember? You

8:25

said, I needed that. Right, yeah. And

8:28

I said, I needed that too. So

8:31

I had to leave him at that point because I had to go back

8:33

to Spain. And the

8:35

second lockdown was looming. Then it was

8:37

the end of

8:39

November 2020 and then I get the text. What

8:43

text did you send me, Rude? Papa,

8:47

do you love me? And

8:49

that's probably the most harrowing

8:52

message I've ever received because he knows

8:54

I love him. So I knew straight away

8:56

that we were in trouble and I shared it with Jack,

8:59

my partner, and showed it to him. And

9:01

I said, what am I going to do? And

9:03

he said, you're going to go on a plane and get

9:05

him out of there. And

9:08

it felt like a very risky operation

9:11

because I was dreading that I might have brought

9:13

Covid into Ruben's life. He was on the extremely vulnerable

9:15

list. So even though I self-isolated

9:19

and before I went to pick him up, I

9:21

was still paranoid for many days. But

9:24

what do we call that, Rude, when I went to pick you up? How?

9:30

The bro nap. As

9:33

opposed to a kidnap, I see. Yeah,

9:35

bro nap. And it felt a bit

9:37

like a rescue mission, didn't it, Rude?

9:39

Because the point being, when you

9:41

broke him out of the care home, Ruben

9:44

had a pretty low low.

9:47

Yeah. And you were Ruben

9:49

entirely non-verbal there that you couldn't

9:51

communicate with speech. And

9:54

health-wise, physically,

9:56

were you also suffering

9:58

at that point?

10:00

Yeah. We're

10:03

listening to Rambling's on Radio 4 and BBC

10:05

Sounds. I'm in Dorset, walking with Manny

10:08

and Ruben Cohen, talking about their

10:11

life together, their Bonders brothers. The

10:14

book they've written about is. And

10:16

I am, you

10:19

know, really touched by your closeness.

10:22

And I know that

10:24

walking arm in arm as you

10:25

are is not, that is not for my benefit. This

10:27

is how you walk all the time.

10:30

Yeah. Yeah, we do,

10:32

don't we, Rubes? We've

10:34

already passed the point of our first walk. The

10:37

first day we started walking was, we

10:39

got about 100 metres. And

10:41

then Rubes stopped. Physically,

10:44

he couldn't go on. I remember he had big bags

10:46

under his eyes because he'd become nocturnal.

10:49

The only, Ruben loves quiet. He's a quiet

10:51

guy. And in the house, it

10:53

was quite noisy in his care home. So

10:56

the only time when he could be quiet was at

10:58

night time. And so he was,

11:01

it was a physical challenge to get him

11:03

out of the house and walking. But

11:06

I was determined to do it. Walking's always

11:08

been really important for me. I'm a rambler.

11:11

Well, you're a bit more than a rambler. You're

11:13

a walking guide. I'm a walking guide, yeah. I

11:16

guide the pilgrimage route in Spain,

11:19

the El Camino de Santiago, the way

11:21

of St James. So I would take

11:24

two walks a day, one for me, about

11:27

four, five, six

11:28

miles. Because it was important

11:30

as well for me to look after myself. And

11:32

then dedicate the rest of my day to

11:34

Rubes. And his

11:37

walks, he's walking of his own accord

11:39

now, but just resting his hand

11:42

on my arm. But that wasn't like

11:44

that at the beginning. I was literally pulling him along.

11:47

I took him about, about, about going for

11:49

a walk with a bike with the brakes on.

11:53

Ruben didn't think he could get better at

11:57

the beginning, did you, babe? It

12:00

was almost like, Rima

12:02

was an antidepressant. And

12:05

he was, there was a lot of fog there

12:08

in his mind. And, you

12:10

know, I was given 10% chance of getting him back. A

12:14

psychiatric assessment there. I

12:16

was told three things that were

12:18

really hard to swallow, that I shouldn't

12:20

be too enthusiastic for my brother's future,

12:24

or too optimistic, that

12:26

he should probably go back to the care home, and

12:29

that I had a 10%

12:29

chance of getting him back. He'd

12:32

had a regression, so he'd unlearned

12:34

everything. So that's when my

12:37

fight kicked in. Because Rube's

12:39

is my buddy, my,

12:40

he's the keeper of my secrets.

12:43

He's my wingman, aren't you, buddy? Love

12:45

you. Love you too. But

12:47

I, and I wasn't willing to let him go. I wasn't

12:50

willing to lose him.

12:51

But also you knew what, what

12:53

he was capable of. You'd

12:55

seen him, I mean, live in incredibly independent events.

12:58

He'd been really vocal, not just verbal, but

13:00

vocal. Yeah.

13:03

Yeah,

13:05

yeah, he used to do shows, weddings. You've

13:07

spoken in St Paul's Cathedral, haven't

13:09

you?

13:11

Yeah, he was always a man about town. Very

13:14

gregarious and loving and open. So

13:19

to see that transformation to

13:22

this little person who didn't want to talk, didn't

13:24

want to walk, didn't want to eat. He

13:28

felt wizened.

13:29

But as soon as we got into the cottage, do you remember the

13:31

first word you said? Begins with

13:33

F.

13:33

Family.

13:36

Family. Family. And

13:38

so it was important to build on that. You know,

13:40

we had a starting point. And

13:43

we didn't know how long it was going to take. Jack,

13:45

before I left, said to me, you know, this is not going

13:47

to be a quick fix, don't you? And it

13:50

ended up taking 26 weeks. You

13:55

know, it sounds mad now, but yeah, we were here for

13:57

six months together, weren't we, Ruth?

13:59

and Rubens world

14:02

is slow and it is quiet so I

14:05

had to join him in his

14:07

very quiet and very slow and actually very broken

14:09

world and help him to trust

14:11

again I think he'd actually lost trust in me as

14:14

well. By the looks things

14:16

and I can only speak honestly and what I observe

14:19

I think probably Ruben you trust him again

14:21

now yes? Yeah big

14:23

nod yeah stroke his arm

14:25

exactly yeah

14:32

Just short of the village of Burton

14:34

Bradstock we've turned left off the road and

14:36

cutting onto a footpath across

14:38

the fields there's a dog walker coming

14:40

across that ploughed field

14:43

on the left mobile homes beyond

14:44

it it's a it's a popular holiday

14:46

spot this and I can see why and I see the

14:50

the fields stretching almost vertically

14:52

upwards and beyond that is

14:55

the drop-off the Jurassic Coast

14:57

the sheer escarpment down

15:00

to the sea and that marks

15:02

our end destination we're going to Hive

15:05

Beach not far from Chasle Beach which is

15:07

obviously famous there's

15:10

a stone bridge

15:12

over stream here and the

15:14

glorious music of running water oh

15:20

wow there's a deer there's a deer in the middle of the field

15:22

look. Rube's look, Rube.

15:28

Are we heading now under the under the fence

15:30

here yeah

15:32

yeah under the wire man

15:35

he's holding the wire up and Ruben just gingerly

15:38

making his way down the slight slope it's luckily

15:41

dried off at the bottom of that I can imagine

15:43

a big puddle might appear and he's ducking

15:46

under the wire which actually isn't barbed at this

15:48

point it's bobbed to the left and the right but there

15:50

it's smooth

15:57

as well as guiding on the Camino I

15:59

know you You've also done the Inca

16:02

Trail, haven't you? Yes. How

16:04

does that compare as a challenge? Can

16:07

I confess something to you? Yes. So

16:10

I worked as a guide in South America

16:12

for six months. I have never

16:15

completed the four-day Inca Trail. My

16:18

groups did it, and

16:20

I was supposed to do it probably eight, nine, ten times.

16:24

Every single time something happened. Somebody

16:26

was robbed, somebody fell ill, somebody got

16:28

altitude sickness, so roche. So

16:31

I can't tell you what it's all like. I can tell

16:33

you from other people's experiences, but I

16:35

know day two is the toughest

16:37

of them all. You have to cross this pass called

16:39

Dead Woman's Pass on

16:42

day two, and you're at really high

16:44

altitude. People find it really tough. I

16:46

have done the two-day, so

16:48

I can vouch for that, and yeah, absolutely incredible.

16:51

Wonderful experience. The

16:53

Inca Trail hits the

16:56

ruins of Machu Picchu, and the

16:58

idea is to get groups there for dawn.

17:01

On day

17:02

four or day five, you arrive at the sun gate

17:04

for dawn. The sun comes up

17:07

and strikes through the sun

17:09

gate and starts to illuminate the ruins

17:11

below. So it's absolutely magical,

17:14

and you realize that none of that happened by chance.

17:17

The Incas were extreme designers.

17:22

That's

17:22

the clue to what this field was. Corned.

17:26

There you go. So is that corn as well then? Over

17:28

there, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Here

17:31

we have some local ramblers.

17:33

It's a good walking country, isn't it? It

17:36

is, yeah. Well, the South Coast's path

17:39

covers this part as well.

17:42

Well, and I guess if they're walking it in

17:44

the traditional direction, so

17:46

starting at Minehead and Somerset and going right

17:48

round, they're not that far from

17:50

finishing by the time they get here, because they're on the Homewood

17:52

Street. Yeah.

17:55

It finishes in pool, doesn't it? Yeah.

18:00

It's lovely to see, you know,

18:02

I don't switch of roles

18:04

and Rubens now holding on to Claire's

18:06

arm and to see them engage

18:09

like that, it's just, it's showing

18:11

me that Rubens is healing.

18:13

You know, his recovery is still happening

18:16

and actually it's only been in

18:18

the last year that Rubens

18:20

started talking and, you know, to see

18:22

him walking with Claire, who was

18:24

a stranger an hour and a half ago

18:27

with his arm looped through hers, that's just

18:29

a wonderful image.

18:37

The village is only small and we're through

18:39

it in five minutes. I

18:42

got some ice cream at the post office, which is really

18:44

nice, salted caramel.

18:46

And we've climbed up some steep steps

18:50

so that we're above the garage looking

18:54

down at the roof of it, just

18:56

work our way up into a position where we've got

18:58

a view, but also there's

19:01

a story that

19:03

I know Manny and Ruben

19:06

are keen to share. Ruben,

19:11

what did you go to the garage to

19:14

get? Oh, a

19:16

bear. A bear?

19:18

A bear. And

19:21

was it a bear that looks a bit like this? Yeah.

19:24

And I'm going to give it to you, Manny. I can see

19:26

your eyes. It still makes you well

19:29

up. Why did Ruben feel you needed

19:31

a bear that said with

19:33

love?

19:34

So it's really emotional for

19:36

me. This was

19:38

a point in our story when I was really not

19:40

in a good place. And

19:43

I was at the brink of myself, I think.

19:45

I was at

19:46

Clara's burnout and there was still no hope

19:50

where Ruben was going to live and we didn't know how long

19:52

it was going to take. He was done,

19:54

I was done, and it just felt

19:56

like the never-ending story. And Ruben and I

19:58

went for a walk and... And he

20:01

told me, I'm done, brother. And

20:03

I hate to admit it, but I

20:06

said, well, so am I, buddy. And

20:09

I abandoned him in the field that was just the other side

20:11

of the cottage. And I ran home

20:14

and threw myself under the duvet. And I think now that

20:16

I probably had a bit of a breakdown and

20:19

I woke up and it was dark and

20:21

I panicked. I was panicked, stricken, thinking

20:23

it all came flooding back. What have I, what did I do? What

20:25

have I done? And I run

20:28

through to his room and he's asleep in

20:29

bed. And I just,

20:32

you know, so relieved that he'd managed to find his

20:34

way home. But not only that, I went

20:36

downstairs and found the

20:38

remains of a peanut butter sandwich on the side and

20:41

this teddy bear, it says

20:43

with love on it. And it had a little tag here, 399.

20:47

And I realized that he'd come all this way to

20:49

buy it for me, which is

20:52

over a mile from the cottage. So

20:55

four hours previously, he'd said, I'm done, brother.

20:58

I can't walk anymore. But when

20:59

he saw that I was in trouble,

21:03

something in him kicked in.

21:05

But even just then when you were telling

21:07

the story and he could see you were upset, he

21:10

moved straight in for a hug and kisses

21:12

you and says, I love you,

21:14

brother. Yeah. Because this is the

21:16

thing about care that a lot of people don't understand. That

21:19

it's a two-way thing. And he gives

21:21

me just as much as I give him. He looks

21:23

after me just as much as I look after him. And

21:26

this was a pivotal moment in the story.

21:30

When he started looking after me, I

21:33

get his face. And next to the teddy

21:35

bear, there was this card on the side.

21:39

Which says, love will find a

21:41

way and a love heart. And then underneath

21:43

it says, brother. Do

21:46

you remember drawing that, Reeves? Yeah.

21:49

And why did you draw it? Well, for

21:51

you. For me. Because did I

21:53

need to hear that? Yeah. And did

21:55

you feel that love would find a way? Yeah.

21:58

Did you know? Yeah.

22:01

So yeah, that was, when

22:03

I saw that, this little teddy bear

22:06

will cherish all my life. And

22:08

it was a time when, again,

22:11

Reuben surprised me. Probably

22:13

surprised himself and realised

22:15

that he was much more capable than

22:17

he was letting on. And

22:20

that was such a huge gesture of

22:22

brotherhood. It's amazing.

22:28

We've come up and over the hill from

22:31

the village of Berden-Bradstock and now get

22:33

our first clear view of

22:35

the sea, which is just

22:38

gorgeous. And today, very calm, and

22:41

you hear the birds sing. Look at all the rabbits around

22:44

that picnic table. They're about seven

22:46

rabbits.

22:47

Look at the rabbits, Reuben.

22:51

Amazing. Water ship down here. Water

22:53

ship down.

22:54

Do you know that's where I grew up? Next

22:56

to water ship down. Yeah. But

23:00

you're right. They are the stars

23:02

of it. So Reuben,

23:05

where are you living now and are

23:07

you happy there? Do you like it? Yeah.

23:10

What's it called?

23:11

Fox. The

23:13

fox. What source

23:15

of living is it? Here's a one-room,

23:18

one-bedroom apartment with views

23:20

of the Stour River. It's very

23:23

lovely. I really love going there. And

23:26

it's his home, isn't it, Reuben?

23:28

So it's supported independent living. Yeah.

23:31

And we were told by the system that

23:34

was supporting him that

23:36

we might not get him back. But it just shows

23:38

sometimes you have to fight that system and

23:40

trust your gut instincts.

23:43

But also it shows that

23:46

recovery, life in general,

23:48

health is based on

23:49

what? What helped you get

23:52

better? Do you think it was magic? Yeah.

23:55

What else was there? It

23:58

was love and they were making the shape of a...

23:59

heart with your fingers and

24:02

your thumbs. Reuben, it's been

24:04

really lovely to meet you. Thank you for

24:06

mapping the walk so thoroughly and

24:08

expertly. We haven't got lost

24:11

and we get the view down to Hive

24:13

Beach as our reward at the end of it. Thank

24:17

you, Manny, as well. Thank

24:18

you, thank you, Claire. A real pleasure

24:20

to be with you.