0:50

Have you ever wanted to meet with somebody to

0:52

have closure ? Maybe there

0:54

was a lot of conflict in the relationship

0:56

, maybe they really harmed you or hurt

0:58

you in some way and you've worked

1:01

through it in your own mind

1:03

and you want closure . You want to be able

1:05

to have a conversation where you

1:07

go back and forth and each person really owns

1:09

their piece and unfortunately

1:11

, that's generally not how it works

1:14

out . Their

1:16

peace and unfortunately , that's generally not how it works out . Most people

1:18

aren't able to hear what the other person really needs to say and then

1:21

we get stuck in our healing process because

1:23

we're waiting for the other person to show

1:25

up in some way to validate

1:27

our feelings . In soul recovery

1:30

we're learning how to have this process

1:32

within ourself , to be

1:34

responsible for our own healing

1:36

, to be able to have that closure

1:38

but it comes from within and

1:41

to let go of the need of that other person to

1:43

validate how they

1:45

hurt you or how you have

1:47

worked through the process yourself . In

1:49

this episode we talk about how soul

1:51

recovery can be used to let

1:54

you move through difficult situations

1:56

and find closure within . Enjoy

1:58

. Welcome

2:02

to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual

2:05

path to a happy and healthy life

2:07

. My name is Reverend Rachel

2:09

Harrison . I started Recover your

2:11

Soul after having profound changes

2:13

in my life from my recovery of alcoholism

2:16

, codependency and control addiction

2:18

. I was guided to share the tools

2:20

and principles of spirituality and

2:22

soul recovery to help others

2:24

transform their lives as mine was transformed

2:27

. For us to overcome external

2:30

circumstances , we need to turn

2:32

the attention to ourselves , focusing

2:34

on our inner change and healing

2:36

. Positive results in our

2:38

lives will follow . Welcome

2:43

to Recover your Soul . I'm Rev Rachel

2:45

. Thank you very much for choosing

2:47

to spend your time with me listening to this

2:49

podcast and being on your soul

2:51

recovery journey . This desire to

2:53

let go of everything that's

2:55

outside of us that

2:58

we've given strength to , to

3:00

determine how we feel and

3:02

turning it back to ourself , taking

3:04

that attention back to ourself and

3:06

looking at how we choose

3:08

to be in the world . How we choose

3:11

to be in the world and today . What

3:13

I want to talk about is closure

3:15

and communication and processing

3:18

difficult feelings and difficult memories

3:21

, because one of the things

3:23

that I recognize in my

3:25

prior life , in my

3:27

working , when I was really consumed

3:29

with wanting to be

3:32

in conversation with the

3:34

people in my life who were causing me

3:36

problems , right so Rich and I

3:38

, for example , would be going to therapy

3:41

and we would spend the entire

3:43

time just back and forth , back

3:45

and forth . Here's what I don't like , here's what I don't like . Here's

3:47

where you hurt me . Here's where you hurt me . Here's

3:50

what's going on that I don't like now . Here's what I

3:52

don't like then . Here's where I think that came

3:54

from . And we would come out of those

3:56

offices with

3:59

more angst , more

4:01

energy around what the

4:03

problems were than we came out with solutions

4:05

or connection . And I'm not saying

4:07

that's always the case . I'm saying that

4:09

that is what can happen

4:12

. And we were clearly

4:14

going to people that just let us bicker

4:16

back and forth about what we were feeling , except

4:19

for this one coach that we went

4:21

to when we separated . If you've heard

4:23

my stories around my life

4:25

, if you've been listening for a while about

4:28

15 years ago is that right

4:30

? No , 15 years ago we got sober . So it was another

4:32

maybe 13 , 12 or 13

4:34

years ago . I just

4:37

got fed up and had had enough and

4:39

left to take a break and

4:41

we started going to this particular coach

4:44

who , in coaching , it

4:46

has a different parameter . You're getting

4:48

pushed more , your

4:50

patterns are getting reflected

4:52

, your buttons are getting recognized

4:54

. You're looking at these things , and

4:56

he was the first person who didn't put

4:58

up with either one of our stories

5:00

, who didn't put up with it , didn't

5:03

put up with mine , didn't put up with Rich's

5:05

, and it was the first time I'd had that pattern

5:07

interrupt to look

5:09

at how I wanted to

5:12

have the other person hear me

5:14

from this way that

5:16

I had been wounded , that I had been hurt

5:18

. And what I think is so interesting

5:20

in soul recovery is we're starting to look

5:22

at this tool , this

5:24

incredible tool which is our own

5:27

experience , our own processing

5:29

and realizing that we're powerless

5:31

over everything outside of ourself

5:34

. And part of that is realizing that

5:36

when you show up to have conversation

5:38

with that other person , we

5:40

want them to show up in a way that they're

5:43

going to hear us a specific way . We want

5:45

them to respond to us in a specific

5:47

way and they're just in their own experience

5:50

, which can be very open and

5:52

ready and curious and interested . Or it

5:54

can be shut down and ready and curious and interested , or it can be shut down and defensive and

5:57

hurt . But we

5:59

need to begin to start to look at

6:02

every single person in the situation

6:04

with compassion , every single

6:06

person in our lives from

6:08

this level of who are they in their

6:10

experience ? Who are they in their experience

6:12

? And can I let go of this attachment

6:15

that I have to processing

6:17

with them what I need to

6:19

learn about myself and turning

6:22

that attention back to ourself and saying

6:24

how I

6:26

reflect on this

6:28

internal learning , this

6:30

internal growing , this internal

6:33

expanding of my awareness

6:35

? Happens within me

6:37

or happens with somebody

6:40

, such as working with me as a spiritual coach

6:42

or another person who

6:44

is on a journey , who can hold space

6:46

for you , to see you

6:48

as your elevated , higher

6:50

self , looking at

6:52

these feelings within us

6:54

and not getting attached or identified

6:57

with them , because we can also

6:59

end up being with friends who

7:02

can just let us churn , churn

7:04

, churn , churn , churn , our pain and our misery

7:06

. And then it's like being in that

7:08

office with your spouse

7:11

, where you're just complaining but they're not there to hear You're just doing it

7:13

with your spouse where you're just complaining but they're not there to hear . You're just

7:15

doing it with your friend . And

7:17

in the end , every time we

7:19

get caught up in those feelings , we

7:22

relive them . Our

7:25

brain does not know the difference between

7:27

thought and reality . If

7:29

you think about how your emotions are when you

7:31

really think about something

7:33

that felt fabulous , that

7:36

was one of those wonderful moments

7:38

in your life . You can feel in

7:40

your body how you relive

7:43

it and

7:55

have gone from being in a cheerful place to going

7:57

to that memory and you are instantly triggered and re-instigated

7:59

into feeling that destructive energy

8:01

. When we're in this

8:04

concept of beginning

8:06

to process with ourself what's

8:08

happening within us in

8:11

soul recovery it's so important that

8:13

we continue to say this over and over that

8:16

it is taking blame

8:18

and judgment off

8:21

the table completely and

8:23

recognizing how much of ourself

8:25

is in those feelings

8:28

of wanting to attach to someone

8:31

being wrong or us being wrong

8:33

, or someone doing something right or us

8:35

doing something right . Who's

8:37

wrong here ? Who's right here ? Instead

8:40

of just releasing all

8:43

of that and looking at how you feel , looking

8:46

at what's actually happening to you , and

8:48

as we get

8:51

healthier in body , mind and

8:53

spirit , as we begin to progress

8:55

in these tools of soul recovery

8:57

to access ourself

8:59

from this new perception

9:02

, we begin

9:04

to let things go . We

9:07

begin to recognize and see

9:09

the situations more fully

9:12

, with our clinging

9:15

to how we were harmed

9:17

or what was it

9:19

for us , and

9:21

we begin to see with more

9:23

compassion for everyone

9:26

, for everyone in that situation

9:28

, for ourselves , for every player in that

9:30

situation and the energy

9:32

starts to dissipate and

9:35

you know what we want to do . We want to go talk to them . We

9:38

want to go have this discussion with

9:40

them about how

9:42

we had been harmed by them , and these were

9:44

the things that really hurt and

9:46

now I'm feeling better about it and

9:49

in some cases , that's a beautiful

9:51

thing to do . In some cases , making

9:53

a verbal amend

9:55

to somebody , where you are

9:57

owning up to how

10:00

you felt about it maybe the

10:02

part where you had come

10:04

back with harms from

10:06

the situation and you're not

10:08

leaning into this is what they did to you

10:10

, but you're really leaning into the . I

10:12

want to make awareness If you

10:15

are in a situation with somebody where that

10:17

door opens and it feels healthy

10:20

, kind and appropriate

10:22

, those moments can be incredibly

10:24

powerful moments . But

10:27

there's this other part of us that wants

10:29

so desperately to

10:32

have these conversations with people

10:34

so that they can validate our

10:37

experience , even our experience

10:39

of healing , and

10:41

this particular episode

10:44

is really around the

10:46

clarity of what's happening

10:48

in healing in your own mind

10:51

, body and soul , is all that

10:53

matters . Your experience

10:56

of it is all that matters . When

11:00

we are healing and

11:03

when we are even more healed

11:05

, we can

11:07

be in a situation that used to blow

11:09

our mind that used to overwhelm

11:12

us , that used to harm us , hurt

11:14

us , make us feel a certain way , and

11:16

we recognize that that all

11:19

came from inside , that

11:21

allowance of somebody to harm

11:24

us . And we can handle

11:26

situations that we never thought that we

11:28

can handle before . We can

11:30

be present in feeling

11:32

uncomfortable , we can be

11:34

present in feeling distress

11:37

, but we don't collapse , we

11:40

don't fall apart . We don't turn

11:42

to old patterns of rage

11:44

or withdraw or

11:47

control . We are

11:49

actually recognizing our wholeness

11:51

and standing in each of

11:53

these situations from a place of

11:55

our full embodied

11:58

self , our higher

12:00

self . If

12:03

you're ready for soul recovery , as a

12:05

spiritual coach I can support your healing

12:08

to help make real changes that will

12:10

bring you a life of peace , happiness

12:12

, connection and abundance . You can also

12:14

work in smaller groups by taking a deep

12:16

dive in a Zoom workshop or with

12:18

me in person at a retreat or an event

12:21

. Join others on the Soul Recovery

12:23

Path once a month for the free Zoom support group or daily

12:25

on the private Facebook page support group or daily on

12:27

the private Facebook page . Visit the

12:29

website recoveryoursoulnet to

12:31

book coaching sessions with me or

12:33

find all the information you need about

12:35

soul recovery dates that are coming

12:38

up and how to register for those groups and workshops

12:40

To

12:45

support the podcast and the community . Check the links in the show notes to make a small

12:47

monthly donation or a one-time donation of your choice . That will make a huge

12:50

impact to support this community and

12:52

the soul recovery mission . Together

12:55

we can do the work that will recover

12:57

your soul , and

13:01

that healing does

13:04

not need a validation from anyone

13:06

. That healing is

13:08

for you to continue to claim

13:10

on your own . And isn't it interesting

13:12

that we want people to reflect

13:14

to us that we're better ? And

13:17

I'll tell you what the reflection is . The

13:19

reflection is how your life shows up . The

13:22

reflection is how

13:24

things begin to model

13:26

out , the energy that's modeled

13:28

out . That is the reflection . You

13:30

will get it in real time

13:32

, based on how

13:35

you are handling a situation , how

13:37

you're feeling present in a situation , and

13:39

even if other people are still kind of

13:41

off on their own thing , you recognize

13:44

that the modeling is

13:46

that it doesn't blow your mind

13:48

like it used to . It

13:51

doesn't completely put

13:53

you off track like it used to

13:55

. That's the

13:57

modeling , that's the awareness

14:00

. And then you start noticing that life starts to

14:02

line up better for you

14:04

and that things begin

14:07

to show up in ways that

14:09

seem like you

14:12

would have asked for them to be . Like that . You

14:15

meet somebody , you have some sort

14:17

of interaction or conversation with somebody that

14:19

leads to the next thing . That leads to the next

14:21

thing and all of it is bringing

14:24

to you the truth

14:26

of who you are and

14:28

your alignment , your

14:31

wholeness , your fullness , because

14:33

you're not in that place where

14:35

you're looking for people to

14:38

process what's going on

14:40

inside of your head and needing

14:42

them to validate for you that it's okay

14:44

. So , closure coming

14:47

to closure , which I think is very interesting

14:50

, we want

14:52

to have closure with people that there

14:54

were difficult situations

14:56

, and of course we do . Of

14:59

course we do

15:02

the more that

15:06

we let go of even

15:08

the thought that somebody else was guilty

15:11

for something , the more

15:13

we are opening ourself up

15:15

to not have those stories

15:17

run . And

15:26

I'm thinking about for myself the relationships that I've had that have been difficult

15:28

for me , that I went through as part of my learning experience , as

15:30

part of my curriculum of life

15:32

, and these are not relationships with

15:34

people that I continue to be friends with . These

15:37

are relationships with people that

15:39

ended , and I can

15:41

think of a couple just drawn to mind

15:43

right away , which is they

15:45

tend to be work situations that are coming

15:48

to me and that

15:50

they tend to be work situations that are coming to me and

15:52

that there's this family that happens

15:54

in work , a family system

15:56

that almost is like that , that happens

15:58

in work environments . Whether we like it or not

16:00

, when you spend that much time

16:03

with people , those relationships

16:05

become very similar

16:08

to some of the structures and the systems

16:10

that we have within our own family in

16:12

terms of our upbringing , our family of

16:14

origin , and then maybe

16:17

model some of the positive and

16:19

dysfunctional places that

16:21

we have in our own family systems at home

16:23

. And if we're not conscientious

16:26

of staying clean

16:29

in our own energy around

16:31

how we're participating in those family systems

16:34

, we can get as dysfunctional

16:36

in those systems as we did in

16:38

our own families at home . Right

16:40

, and I had

16:43

always wanted

16:45

to be in work environments where I could just totally

16:47

be myself and that

16:49

having deep human connection

16:51

was really important to me . So I tend

16:53

to go in pretty deep emotionally

16:56

with the people that I work with and

16:58

make very strong relationships

17:01

. But it's interesting that of all

17:03

those relationships , not

17:05

very many of them have continued

17:07

on in my life

17:10

as continued friends . It's

17:12

like those relationships are really deep while

17:14

I'm there , while I'm in that environment

17:17

and then as soon as I've left

17:19

that environment , then the time

17:21

and attention and it begins to fade . But

17:24

I had conflict in

17:26

my jobs . I had conflict

17:28

in my jobs . There

17:36

is some element of me that I've been looking at myself , at how I show up in

17:38

my work . Situations that I can now see through my soul recovery

17:40

work were patterns of

17:42

those core wounds from

17:44

being a little girl and from

17:46

the hurts and the harms that I had where

17:49

I needed to validate myself , that I

17:51

pushed myself too far

17:53

into being the boss

17:55

or wanting to make everything

17:57

work out for everybody , or wanting credit

18:00

or gosh

18:02

. I just had such a

18:04

little part of me that

18:07

needed something more

18:09

than what was being

18:11

given to me in those jobs . Because ultimately

18:14

, we're looking at that

18:16

part was me , that was part

18:18

was me that was feeling inadequate

18:20

. That part was me that was coming

18:23

from the underbelly of my own pain

18:25

, of my old belief systems

18:27

. And now that I've had an opportunity

18:30

to truly , truly do the

18:32

soul recovery steps and to look

18:34

, look , look , look at those

18:37

patterns and those beliefs and how

18:39

they helped me create the personality that

18:41

I have , that I'm proud of , that I love

18:43

, and let go of those

18:46

underbelly pieces of me

18:48

that have been this

18:50

complex unfolding

18:53

of all these old stories

18:56

, all these old pain body stories

18:58

, and this is what I'm talking about

19:00

. I've done this work within myself

19:03

. I've done this work through

19:05

working with people who are helping

19:08

me through the soul recovery journey and through

19:10

my own process of

19:12

releasing and letting go and

19:14

truly spending time and energy

19:17

of restructuring how

19:19

I show up , how I connect

19:21

to things , and profound

19:24

, profound healings and awarenesses

19:26

have come from this . But

19:28

there's still a couple relationships

19:30

in these work

19:33

environments that were extra

19:35

bristly , extra , extra

19:38

bristly , and

19:40

one in particular was the last place

19:42

that I worked was another woman

19:44

and it was a

19:46

repeating pattern of a relationship

19:49

that I'd had a number of times

19:51

in different work environments . And

19:54

so I'm showing up on my

19:56

end and I'm bringing forth

19:58

somebody who's going to show me

20:00

, who's going to mirror to me these aspects

20:03

that I needed to learn and grow from

20:05

myself , and

20:07

I had this great desire and

20:09

wish at some point that she

20:11

and I could get together and we could talk about

20:13

it , that we could really come

20:16

through as , as women

20:18

, to have this conversation from our

20:20

hearts about what happened

20:22

and what we learned from it and how we

20:25

could move through it and how

20:27

we could have some closure around

20:30

this very painful relationship

20:32

for me and , I assume

20:34

, for her . And then

20:36

I realized that's for me , that's

20:38

my ego that wants to

20:40

have approval on her end

20:42

, to hear her say I

20:45

still like you , I

20:47

still want to have you

20:50

in my life , or you're important to me

20:52

, or I see what you're saying

20:54

, or all those things that

20:56

. That that actual pain

20:58

part of me wants and

21:00

needs and was part

21:02

of the process that created

21:05

the dysfunction in the first place . I've

21:35

run into her a couple of times and we've been friendly with each other , but it was very clear that there was no space , no door to walk through . That was opening for

21:37

a deeper conversation , that we are just fine having light , smiling

21:39

, kind words to each other , because we are kind human beings and we want the best for each other . But we don't have to have that closure conversation

21:41

and this piece , I think , is so fascinating because we

21:43

can get stuck in it . We

21:46

can have that part of our pain

21:48

that wants to attach , that

21:51

says but if I don't have this conversation

21:53

with this person who I feel harmed

21:55

me , even if I'm going

21:57

into the conversation to share from

22:00

the place where I recognize my part

22:02

, that I can't let it go . And

22:05

the answer is that is not at all

22:07

true . That is giving somebody else the

22:09

power for you to be okay or not , which

22:12

is what we're learning in soul recovery . How can I

22:14

be okay ? How can

22:16

I actually be happy and joyful

22:18

and free and work on

22:20

my own experience , my own

22:22

perceptions , my own ability

22:25

to connect with what's in my

22:27

head ? All we

22:29

have is our own thoughts

22:31

and all they have is their own

22:33

thoughts . There is no absolute truth

22:36

because everything comes through our perception

22:38

of how we choose to see it . So

22:42

that part of me , the

22:44

part of us that wants so

22:46

much to have this union with

22:49

somebody where we connect and

22:51

we see it and we hear each

22:53

other , is such a beautiful

22:55

desire and it's a perfectly

22:58

wonderful desire to have . So

23:01

, knowing that in this

23:03

3D world , this conversation

23:05

is not likely to take place

23:08

I'm not going to say that door may never open

23:10

, but it likely will not open . Energetically

23:14

, I can spend

23:17

time in my own

23:19

healing , in my journal

23:21

, speaking to her in kind

23:23

ways , sharing from this

23:25

loving , conscientious place , connecting

23:28

on a soul level place connecting

23:31

on a soul level and letting go of the need to have

23:33

this tit for tat conversation

23:36

, this

23:43

opening heart conversation , this recognizing conversation , this approval

23:46

conversation on both sides . And when I look at all the people that I've had

23:48

work situations with

23:50

or friendships with , where

23:52

there's been some sort

23:55

of rub , my

23:57

main thing that I want to come out with

23:59

is am I okay

24:02

in my heart ? Do

24:04

I still have a pull that

24:06

makes me feel upset ? And

24:09

what is that pull ? And

24:12

can I let go of the blame

24:14

and the guilt and the desire

24:17

for somebody else to be the one

24:19

who hurt me and to recognize

24:22

that I was hurt but there

24:24

is no one to blame , that

24:26

I can just be with my own hurt , that

24:29

I can recognize that that felt unloving

24:32

? And in these situations

24:35

where we're processing

24:37

with ourself and our higher power

24:39

and we're slowing

24:41

down our thoughts and we're

24:44

changing our perceptions

24:46

, we let

24:48

go of this need for anyone

24:50

else to give

24:52

us validation for anything

24:55

that we're feeling . And

24:57

now , when I have any thought around

24:59

this particular relationship that I was

25:01

just talking about , or so

25:04

many others where there

25:06

was upset or there was complexity

25:09

, I spend

25:11

way more time sending

25:14

them love , way

25:17

more time wishing them well , way

25:19

more time releasing those

25:22

perceptions of pain

25:24

, way more time letting

25:27

those memories go . If

25:29

we get to choose what we think

25:32

and we get to choose what

25:34

we repeat in our mind , what

25:36

stories we repeat , what

25:38

past chapters of our life we repeat

25:40

, what am I going to repeat ? I'm

25:43

choosing what that is . I

25:45

am not going to spend a whole bunch of time

25:47

and energy on the

25:49

stuff that didn't feel good

25:52

. If I don't have to , I

25:55

don't want to go into the room like

25:57

I did with Rich , where we just bicker

25:59

and spew at each other all

26:02

of the yucky . I

26:04

don't want to spew that in my head either . So

26:07

when I can work on these relationships

26:09

and we can let go

26:12

of the need for somebody else to validate

26:14

the process and closure

26:16

of what's going on inside of us

26:19

, our healing is our responsibility

26:21

. How we choose

26:23

to see it is our responsibility

26:26

. And

26:34

as you're working through your life , through the emotions , recognizing the patterns

26:36

in which you show up , in your situations , in your relationships

26:38

, and how you think and how you act

26:41

, be gentle to yourself

26:43

, be incredibly compassionate

26:45

and kind to yourself , because

26:48

this work is difficult

26:50

work . There is so much in

26:52

there that you are processing

26:55

to let go and it's

26:57

gripping so tightly . And

27:00

your ego , which is this part

27:02

of you that is not against you but

27:04

is very reptilian

27:08

, it's very rudimentary

27:11

, it's very black and white

27:13

. It wants so much

27:15

to make sure that things

27:17

are the way that it

27:19

wants them to be . And you're opening

27:21

up . You're actually using a different part

27:23

of your mind . You're switching

27:26

how your brain functions to a

27:28

more executive system

27:31

that can hold space for all

27:33

of it , that can indeed let

27:35

go , that doesn't need someone

27:38

else to provide you with any

27:40

approval for closure , that

27:42

doesn't need anyone to approve of you

27:45

in general at all . This

27:47

is soul recovery . This is

27:50

the power to be in all situations

27:52

in this new way of being

27:54

. And I'll tell you what you

27:57

want some power . This is

27:59

it Not

28:02

letting other people determine your

28:04

worth , not letting other people

28:06

determine your healing . You

28:09

choose , you decide

28:11

, you own it , you claim

28:13

it and , as always

28:16

, if you want to work the soul recovery process

28:18

, you can either do it with me , with

28:20

one on one coaching . I've just

28:23

begun to roll out being able

28:25

to work the steps on your own on the

28:27

website , so you can do each

28:29

step as if you're with me on zoom

28:32

, zoom and do . The first

28:34

step is the one that's out now and I'm going to be rolling

28:36

out all the rest of the steps along the way

28:38

. This process of your

28:41

healing is so profound , and

28:43

to be able to have closure and

28:46

to be able to see things

28:48

in a new light without

28:51

needing the other people to be

28:53

part of it really allows

28:55

you to have your power and allows

28:57

you to be in your body and in your life

28:59

in the way that you choose a

29:01

spiritual path to a happy and healthy life

29:04

. So recovery Until

29:06

next time . Namaste , thank

29:21

you for listening to the recover your soul podcast

29:24

and if you loved what you heard

29:26

here , Namaste and on this platform

29:28

, you can choose $5 , $15 , or

29:30

$25 a month to show what

29:32

you want to support the show with . On

29:35

both of these subscriber platforms

29:37

is an entire catalog of back

29:39

episodes intended to inspire

29:41

and support you on your soul recovery

29:44

journey . I really want to invite everybody

29:46

to attend the free once a month

29:48

, every first Monday of the month support

29:50

group . This is on Zoom . Everyone

29:52

is welcome to attend and by giving a

29:54

like or a review and

29:56

sharing this with your friends and family really

29:59

helps us to share the soul

30:01

recovery message with even more people

30:03

. We are on social media . We

30:05

are on all the platforms . I am on TikTok

30:07

. You can listen to guided meditations by

30:09

Rev Rachel Harrison on Insight

30:11

Timer . Thank you for supporting the

30:13

show . Thank you for being part of the community

30:16

. To find out more about soul recovery

30:18

and everything that's being offered , visit the website

30:20

wwwrecoveryoursoulnet

30:23

. Together , we can do the work

30:25

that will recover your soul

30:28

.