0:05

This Reggie ATL coming to you from the love city of Atlanta , georgia

0:07

, and you know , typically , dj , when I'm on this

0:09

show , I'm going out to another city . It'll be like this is Reggie

0:11

ATL going out to Cali . This Reggie ATL

0:14

going out to Chicago , but

0:16

I'm going out to Atlanta Like I'm not even . I'm not

0:18

even going nowhere . This is Reggie ATL , got DJ

0:20

here with us and

0:23

I'm going to give you a chance to introduce yourself here , DJ , because

0:25

I've been on your show talking , dating

0:27

and stuff like that and it was much more sophisticated operation

0:30

. She had like her own little studio set

0:32

up . There was like people there , it's just me here

0:34

on this show and a light and

0:36

a computer , like there's nothing . I don't have all the

0:38

bells and whistles , dj , how are you doing ?

0:41

I'm doing great and what you got going

0:43

on is super dope . I hate that I don't have my mic

0:45

, but my name is DJ

0:47

Robinson . I am the founder and creator

0:49

of Plumper Keeps podcast and

0:52

dating app , built around self awareness

0:54

and compatibility games . So when two people

0:56

match , they have to play a

0:58

compatibility game based on

1:00

love , language , sexual

1:03

compatibility , emotional intelligence

1:05

or attachment theory . It's

1:08

a attachment theory .

1:09

We're yo , yo . What's attachment theory ?

1:12

So attachment theory is basically a theory . Oh

1:15

my God , the name escapes me , but basically

1:17

it's a theory that came about , I believe , in the

1:19

1960s could be a little

1:21

earlier than that , but we're all born with

1:23

an attachment style . So there's four different

1:25

types . There's the secure attachment

1:28

style , so that means you know you were secure , you

1:30

were raised in a household where

1:33

your parents supported you , so you grow

1:35

up and you don't

1:37

have any like too much securities when dealing

1:39

with people in relationships . And then there's the three

1:41

other types , which is considered insecure

1:44

attachment style . So there's the dismissive

1:46

avoidant . So that might be

1:48

the person who is independent

1:50

. You know they might , can just have sex

1:52

, multiple sexual partners , and they're

1:55

okay , they don't need , they don't really easily

1:57

get attached . Then there's

1:59

the anxiously attached , so that's that clingy

2:02

person who may call you 55 times

2:04

because they're trying to get a hold of

2:06

you and you're not answering them

2:09

. Then there's

2:11

the fearful avoidant . So that's the one who

2:13

kind of juggles between the

2:16

dismissive and the attachment

2:18

. So you want love but you're scared of

2:20

it . So you might start off strong and

2:23

then you'll pull away and

2:25

identify as an

2:27

FA or a fearful avoidant . And

2:30

that's something I've been working through .

2:31

Fearful avoidant Is

2:33

that how it says something . Let me write

2:36

that down for you . Fearful avoidant yes , wow .

2:41

So when two people play this game , they'll get it . When

2:44

they answer the short questionnaire game

2:46

, they'll get an idea of where

2:48

they may fall on the spectrum . So

2:51

it's just kind of an introduction to it .

2:54

Really so how did you find out where you fell ? I

2:56

don't let me see . Ain't it secure ? I

2:58

?

2:58

get a lot of things over real quick .

3:00

I think maybe I'm more like pretty

3:02

secure man , pretty secure

3:04

, I don't think a lot of us grow into

3:07

that .

3:07

And then there's some people who just they have their secure

3:09

attachment style . You know , I don't know , I've

3:11

always been kind of a fearful avoidant , like

3:14

I would . I would

3:17

lean more towards the guys I really had

3:19

to work hard for . But I think

3:21

it was because I had some dismissiveness

3:24

within myself because I would get with a guy

3:26

who had all their stuff together and

3:28

I did not stay in those relationships

3:30

.

3:31

So you know I need to fix her up , or let me get rid of this

3:33

guy who's got a full time job

3:35

and stable life . Just get him out of

3:37

here .

3:38

This is also consciously , by the way . I want to

3:40

put that out there . This

3:42

is not conscious , but this is definitely

3:45

what I was doing . Like , when you really examine

3:47

this , what the fuck is this girl doing ? This

3:49

is accurate . How did you so ? How ?

3:50

did you get to that though ? Like how did you know ? Like

3:52

, how did you like ?

3:53

it takes a lot of self , like awareness

3:55

, right To a certain degree it does , but I wasn't

3:58

self aware for a very long time . So , like I said

4:00

, I would get with these guys

4:02

, fix their uppers or whatever the case may be

4:04

, and eventually I would get tired , right . So

4:06

eventually I would break up with them . But there was one

4:09

particular guy who broke up with me and

4:12

that I don't

4:14

know what it was . It fucked me

4:16

up really bad .

4:17

It was word like so . So why ? Why do

4:19

you what ? What would what ? Why that

4:21

one in particular versus like .

4:24

The story behind that one . I poured a lot into

4:27

this relationship . Um

4:29

, I poured a lot into the relationship first

4:31

off , and I think that's more of what it

4:33

was like a portal out into it , and

4:36

then , once it was all over , it's like I knew

4:38

better . And then it was like , okay , I need to

4:40

self assess for real now , because I

4:42

don't want to feel this way . Yeah , so

4:45

that's where all of like the research

4:47

and dig in and getting certain

4:49

certifications and becoming more self-aware

4:52

became Really important to me because

4:54

, yeah , that shit hurt . Like

4:56

, is there certain

4:58

?

4:58

things in these behaviors can

5:01

, and we don't want you to break each one of them down . That's probably

5:03

another show . We could just do another show . We probably will

5:05

do that . We'll do a show on just attachment theory

5:07

, because it's very interesting . Stuff like this

5:09

is very interesting to me . Um , is there

5:11

, if we can do , like just a quick summary

5:13

of like something that you may see in

5:15

each one , like like a characteristic , so that

5:17

you can See , okay , this person

5:20

is this way or this person's ? That would not to say that

5:22

you could sum it up in one sentence Because , like I said , I really

5:24

do want to do another show on this , but is there something

5:26

that you can see in a secure person and an insecure

5:28

person ?

5:29

so a secure person is somebody who's self-aware

5:32

, somebody who can be in a relationship

5:35

. And , let's say , a

5:38

secure person you get . You get into an argument

5:40

with your partner . You're not so

5:42

easily triggered off of Something

5:45

your partner may say . You're able to really assess . Problem

5:48

and you can talk things out for real

5:50

, right then ? Then let's say , somebody

5:52

who is , um , anxiously

5:55

attached , say you get into an argument

5:57

with your partner and you're anxiously attached . You

5:59

might be somebody who your

6:01

partner might be somebody like myself

6:04

. Sometimes I have to walk away , like , hey

6:06

, give me some time , because if I might say the wrong

6:08

thing and I don't want to say the wrong thing , so

6:10

I need to revisit this conversation , so I

6:12

will walk away . If you're somebody

6:14

who's anxiously attached , you have to have

6:17

the conversation right now .

6:18

Yes , I've dated people like that who do not

6:20

want to get on their phone without a resolution like Right

6:22

.

6:22

Yeah , somebody who's

6:25

probably anxiously attached . Or you might

6:27

be anxiously attached if your partner's

6:29

having a bad day At work

6:31

and they come home and maybe they're wearing that energy

6:33

on them and then you make

6:35

it in a way , you make it all about you

6:37

, like you're trying to please your partner . But you're only

6:39

trying to please your partner because you want them to get out

6:41

of this bad move so they can attend

6:43

to you . So you get what I'm saying .

6:45

So that might be anxiously attached .

6:47

Somebody who's fearfully fearful of warden

6:50

is kind of like what I mentioned , somebody

6:52

who , um , it's

6:54

kind of like a rollercoaster . Like I might start

6:56

off really strong In a relationship

6:59

with somebody , let's say , a guy that

7:01

has his stuff together . I might

7:03

be excited at first . You know I'm saying I

7:06

like him at first and you

7:08

know , then maybe he starts coming in really

7:10

strong with things I'm not used to because I'm

7:12

not maybe I'm not used to being treated that well

7:15

to my childhood and things that

7:17

went on in my household because I

7:19

grew up in a real co-dependent Household

7:22

with a lot of fighting , alcohol

7:24

. It was an unstable household , so

7:26

that's kind of what I was used to . So when

7:29

a guy's kind of , when a guy was stable

7:31

and was trying to give me things and treat

7:33

me well , it was just it was so unfamiliar

7:36

to me I was afraid I was going

7:38

to mess it up . That's what I'm thinking . It was more on

7:40

that .

7:42

Go ahead and , just like yo , get rid of them all together .

7:44

Yeah

7:46

, but I would let them as boredom right

7:49

, Like I would okay .

7:50

I've heard that before .

7:52

Yeah , like he was born and like he didn't stimulate

7:54

me in the right ways . But now that I'm older

7:56

and I'm able to look , it was more

7:58

so of me wanting

8:00

to fix something , feeling

8:02

that I had to be Worthy

8:06

to receive this type of love

8:08

, and I didn't do anything compared

8:10

to other things , because that's what I was taught

8:12

in my household . We don't have to work , flood

8:15

everything , including right . That's

8:17

this is a little bit about . And then , oh , dismissive

8:20

avoidance earths . That might be somebody

8:22

who was raised . Maybe your parents

8:24

worked all the time . Maybe you grew

8:26

up in a crazy household where you were left alone a

8:28

lot , so you had to self-sude

8:30

and you had you were alone

8:32

a lot . So you grow up and

8:34

you get into these relationships and

8:37

your inner story may be to the effect

8:39

of People leave

8:41

so you don't get attached

8:44

.

8:44

So I see , so you know

8:47

, you never really formed that attachment because you're so

8:49

, yeah , they usually don't even form it too

8:51

much like that .

8:51

You know they might have sex , but sex is not

8:53

looked at as the same to dismissive

8:56

for sure , yeah , so that's

8:58

a little bit on those .

9:01

Because I would definitely want to talk . We're gonna

9:03

do a whole show on that like . Like that might be our really

9:05

like legit Our next show , cuz that's absolutely

9:07

fascinating to me the different types

9:09

. And I remember you , j

9:12

, being at at when I

9:14

was at your studio where we're doing our thing

9:16

and you were showing me your phone . This

9:18

is something I've never forgotten , by the way . Now

9:20

you're gonna show me , like , your Facebook situation and you're

9:22

like I don't know if it's Facebook dating or something

9:24

DJ , you

9:26

had so many dudes in there , dj . I was like . I was

9:28

like this is like a mountain of men . You had dudes coming

9:31

in that had left , dudes that came back like

9:33

. I was like yo , this

9:35

is a lot of guys , so from from

9:37

a guy

9:39

standpoint , it's complete

9:42

. Like yo , there's like

9:44

a million dudes out here and the kind of guy I am

9:46

, dj , they all thirstier than me . I'm not a thirsty

9:48

dude like . So I'm like how do I ? I don't have a shot

9:51

out here . You kidding me cuz I'm not paying

9:53

any attention . I'm gonna send one message . I'm gone like

9:55

. That's it . I'm out of here

9:57

. I've already forgotten . I sent that message . After

10:00

I've sent it , I think we talked about this on the show . Yeah

10:02

, at least for me personally , part

10:04

of my dating journey was not putting

10:07

so much emphasis on the one message , not putting

10:09

so much emphasis on the one Communication

10:11

. You know , I mean I kind of do my communication and then move

10:13

on , boom , I'm out of here and if they hit back , they hit back , they

10:15

don't , they don't . But when I looked at

10:17

the mountain of men you've had in your , that's

10:20

what name of your next podcast should be . You should be mountain

10:22

, that's

10:25

that's the name of it . Should be mountain , the mountain of men

10:27

that DJ had in her , in her

10:29

, in your

10:31

messages . Want

10:33

to know is this how does anyone stick

10:35

out ? How do you even choose one of those messages

10:37

? A bunch of dudes and some guys shirts on

10:39

, some guys shirts off , some look like business Do , some

10:42

like regular dudes who just took this photo selfie

10:44

and it's kind of like , how do you ? How

10:47

was anybody even sticking out to you ? Dj team

10:49

like select on them .

10:50

So now for me , cuz

10:53

I know when I was younger , like yo , I

10:55

would just hit everybody up and then just try to keep

10:57

up , but then I would good luck with that .

10:59

But what I do do now , I really do try . I actually need to

11:01

get back on .

11:07

Anyway , into your message

11:09

, yeah .

11:11

A mountain of messages not being even seen and attended to

11:13

DJ Yo . Let's just take

11:16

a pause here for all the people who looking

11:18

for love out here to the other people that have millions

11:20

of Messages they're not even responding to . They're

11:22

not even on there and they still getting those

11:25

messages to other dudes and women who are trying their

11:27

hardest . They got 17 messages . That's just a DJ's getting

11:29

a . She got 70 and she hadn't even looked at them . I

11:33

feel so bad .

11:34

I feel so bad I really

11:36

want to get on there to promote

11:38

my stuff . But see , that was it , I'm I ain't , I ain't used , that's why some

11:40

of a thing . But Now

11:44

I try to do , I try to look at the person's profile first

11:46

. I look at the message like I

11:49

need something in depth . Not too in depth because I'm not too

11:51

into the message , because

11:55

I've had a guy send me like a

11:57

lot of different . That guy said me their

11:59

escort services packages .

12:04

I need a set . Yo maybe need to put Messages

12:07

. My boss , you're sending something like yo , brah herd .

12:14

I want to know , like , what really has really

12:16

?

12:17

Prices go with these prices . Looking like like .

12:20

I don't know what radius for that as a male .

12:22

That's bored out here .

12:23

It look like they go on . I'm trying to remember this was a

12:25

while back . I know like

12:27

to just spend time , not

12:29

have sex , just get like girlfriend

12:32

treatment . I think he was two

12:34

, three hundred dollars for that , for like a night

12:36

.

12:36

Oh , I am quitting my job . What

12:39

am I out here fucking working my

12:41

life away for when I can just show up and get

12:44

pay a couple hundred bucks for conversation ?

12:47

I'll give it a lot of women , they

12:49

, they looking for that , ali , I guess he found

12:51

his niche . I don't know . I

12:55

get these messages about Sad

12:58

stories to three paragraphs . I don't know

13:00

another , another one looking for sympathy

13:03

and money . Like I get these word messages and then I'll

13:05

get no

13:07

, hey , what's up , what's up , sexy

13:09

, somebody might say something about my big lid

13:11

. Like I don't like those messages . Like you gotta

13:13

be a .

13:14

The physical messages , the messages

13:17

that are commenting on anything

13:19

physical You're not a fan of not

13:21

, not anymore .

13:21

I remember the pants , thank you , no

13:24

, not , no more .

13:25

Yeah , a lot of women . I've heard a lot of women say that as

13:27

a matter . Yeah right .

13:30

So not no more , you just gotta come

13:32

correct , introduce yourself . I'll

13:36

respond to those messages just introducing

13:39

yourself . And now I'm more open to

13:41

. I don't have a , I have a tight

13:43

, but then I'm more open , like

13:45

I'll reach out

13:47

if your message is right and then just see what a conversation

13:50

.

13:50

So what is the right message ? Can we just write it right now

13:52

? Can we just write it for these dudes ?

13:54

I would . What is a message that ?

13:56

get DJ Absolutely the pageant

13:58

, because that's just part . If a guy

14:00

writes a good message , dj , that's just getting you to look

14:02

at them . You didn't even like reached out to them yet . That's just

14:04

getting over the first of having you

14:06

even just look at their message .

14:08

I might not be the right person , because

14:10

I the last person I messaged

14:13

was it was

14:15

, it was a situation , was a me trying

14:17

something .

14:18

Let me think about another message , because I'm like that one might

14:20

not be . Is there , if you

14:23

couldn't write the word specifically Is there

14:25

a theme of a message that you feel like it's better

14:27

for for for men I know

14:29

going for men to women situation Is there

14:31

a theme message that a guy can write

14:33

to wear a woman like ? Maybe the theme will be

14:35

just Is it saying something funny ? Is

14:37

it mentioning , maybe , something she's wearing

14:39

? Is it mentioning a picture that she has ? Is there

14:41

a theme I can definitely ?

14:42

mention in something , um

14:45

, definitely mentioning something funny , I'm not gonna

14:47

lie , is something that will attract

14:49

me as well . Mentioning something funny , um

14:52

, and then also Even

14:55

being intentional , like stayed in kind

14:57

of shortly what your intentions are

14:59

like , or asking me what you know , what am I

15:01

doing on the app , like what brings

15:04

me to facebook , and then just and

15:06

just the message just got to be somewhat

15:08

of an Intentional because a lot of these dudes

15:10

don't they ? Just kind of what you said . I just

15:12

send out one message and I just see what you know

15:14

.

15:16

Ask the wide net is what we got to do . You

15:18

know what I mean .

15:20

You know , I feel like you come up with a general

15:22

message that comes off intentional , then

15:25

um cast that wide net

15:27

with it .

15:29

So I don't know like , so I'm not that

15:31

, yeah , I'm kind of simple , nothing about it , but there

15:33

was the left to your point .

15:35

This is the when you asked

15:37

me about a message , one that really caught my

15:39

eye . So this guy was Polly , my

15:41

mom . He was Polly .

15:44

Polly , a Polly lifestyle , for that's multiple

15:46

lovers for people .

15:48

Polly lifestyle is yeah , he was interesting

15:50

lifestyle , by the way , very interesting lifestyle very

15:53

interesting . I've learned that it's not for me

15:55

. I've tried it a couple times . I've learned ?

15:57

it's not for me but

15:59

yet another show idea that we just have . We've come

16:01

up with two or three more shows on here .

16:05

I'll talk about my experiences and why they weren't

16:07

. I've had a couple of experiences

16:10

, but his message was so genuine

16:12

and so on , like he wanted to make it clear , like

16:14

, did I read his profile ? He

16:16

just was really intentional . I think that's my

16:19

big thing , like being intentional

16:21

, like in your message , to some degree , to show

16:24

like hey , I'm really on

16:26

this app trying to meet Dave

16:28

, like I need to see that , like

16:30

that , hey , what's up ? You

16:32

know , I don't even respond to those because I'll respond

16:34

and then the dude will be only looking for

16:36

a pen pal . That's like . I'm trying to get out

16:39

in the streets like I'm not looking

16:41

for no damn pen pal .

16:42

Yeah , you and me both . I'm not with that . You know those

16:44

people that get on these apps and they want a message for

16:47

like a month , like yo . What do

16:49

you think I'm gonna waste my time here ? You think I wanted this

16:51

text ? Well , I can be text pals with you because

16:53

, basically , what you're doing you know what I mean I'm not texting

16:55

you , but I'm you doing the same method through

16:57

an app , whether it's you're doing social media

16:59

, whether you're doing dating , it's pretty much you're just texting

17:02

messages on your phone , reaching out to another human

17:04

being . And when , in dating apps , just

17:06

like he said , it's a being intentional right , most people are

17:08

on there for intentional reasons , like there

17:10

. There are some people out there playing games , but

17:12

there's people who aren't , and I think that it's

17:14

good to identify which one of those people

17:16

that you are like . Are you a person

17:18

that's playing games or your person ?

17:22

This is other apps for that , like , get on a big old

17:24

, like you can be friends

17:26

with people . Okay , I don't play

17:28

with this . Don't play with your mom , like , don't play with

17:31

me about no

17:33

, go , finish that statement .

17:35

No , I'll just say don't play with me . That's all they

17:38

. Uh , what about any

17:40

negative , or is there ? So we just talked about the positive

17:42

. Make be able to jump out something that jumps out

17:45

to you where you like , yo , all right , but I can

17:47

at least , uh , engage this person in

17:49

conversation . What is now ? Let's go to the

17:51

opposite end of the spectrum . What do you look at you like

17:53

? Instantly like , oh hell , no , like , like , no , not

17:56

a chance . This person's getting a message . No

18:00

, is it looks ? Is

18:02

it physical ?

18:04

Keep it above DJ

18:06

.

18:08

DJ In

18:10

there and be like hell . No , you see this .

18:17

What else ? Sometimes it's physical , and then there's

18:19

um . I'm

18:21

trying to think about if I got a message now . Girls

18:24

another time a guy sent me like a two-page

18:27

letter about his life and how he was struggling

18:29

, how he just wanted a girl to be there

18:31

for him . I'm like , damn , I need

18:33

to check my .

18:36

Yeah .

18:38

Yeah , I don't know , I need to change the pictures on

18:40

my profile with some I would have . What the hell

18:42

am I trying to Because that ? That was a hell

18:44

? No , for me , um , what

18:47

else ? Uh , the

18:50

, the , um , the other story I gave you about

18:52

the the

18:55

escort , that wasn't the hell , no , that was . That

18:57

was an entertaining conversation for two days until

18:59

I finally just left him already Because he was

19:01

yo so did he give you his prices up front ?

19:03

I'm really . The escort situation is really interesting . Hey

19:05

look I might need a new line of work , I mean he

19:09

didn't give him to me a friend .

19:11

I wish I could find his messages . Just uh , it

19:13

wasn't a front , it was just more so him letting

19:15

me know . You know he was

19:17

, and he didn't even use the word escort

19:19

, he used .

19:22

I'll have . That's too strong . He probably didn't want to come on

19:24

very strong like let me ease

19:26

it in there .

19:27

We made it clear , like you know , I'm

19:29

, you know I'm just out here basically

19:32

what he said

19:34

. But he basically just made it clear , like

19:36

you know , I'm just out here , you

19:38

know , making sure that women are good

19:40

, but it was in this , it was in his own

19:42

way of putting in and just made him know like it's gonna

19:44

cost you money .

19:46

Yo , so did you like it ? So you

19:48

did you pull that from his comments , because

19:50

I I need the sheet

19:52

right in the menu , bro , I need you to pull . I asked

19:54

him .

19:55

I was like so how much ? That's what I got , the two to 300 . So

19:57

how much do you charge like for certain stuff

19:59

? You know , because I have to talk to

20:01

him a little bit , but I'm

20:04

gonna find those messages and I'm gonna , I'm gonna screenshot

20:06

him and I'm gonna send him to you .

20:08

Yeah , man because I wanted to . That's that's an interesting

20:10

conversation to have , because I you know what's funny is

20:12

. So I've talked to a lot of guys who , um , and

20:16

luckily I've avoided this dj , I've

20:18

avoided this like but but duty

20:21

shop . I believe him because he showed me . So he had a list and

20:24

he was like man . Every time

20:26

I started to get close to women on these apps , they

20:28

end up asking me for money at some point . They end up asking me sending

20:31

me their list , sending me their menu and stuff like that . And

20:33

I'm like how has this never

20:36

happened to me ? And how has it happened

20:38

so much to this other person ? Because he did

20:40

have a , he had a , his block list , because he's

20:42

like yo , I'll block him every time . And he was scrolling

20:44

up his block list . He could scroll a

20:47

few different times up his block list . So

20:49

I was like yo , what is he

20:51

doing where he's getting so many women ? That's

20:53

like asking

20:55

him these lines of questions and I just never

20:57

had gotten this before .

20:59

Okay , so me . We've done

21:01

a few podcasts together and you've always

21:03

seemed like you were intentional , right

21:05

With who you chose , who you date

21:07

. You always came off intentional . I

21:10

had another dude come on my podcast

21:12

maybe about a month or two after

21:14

you and he was having the same issues

21:16

here in Atlanta is just different

21:19

Every time I go out on a date with a girl she ends

21:21

up asking for money . Or

21:24

I took a girl out on a date and once I house and

21:26

there was no food in

21:29

her refrigerator so I bought a groceries

21:31

and then I just never spoke to him again . But then he turned

21:33

around and he said well , if you act

21:35

like the fun girl , I'm gonna treat

21:38

you like the fun girl . So that means you entertaining

21:40

her . So if you entertaining her

21:42

and you know she's a fun girl , of

21:44

course she's gonna tell her , she's gonna ask you for something

21:47

. And it sounds like he knew from John

21:50

yeah , she come off like she's a fun girl , but

21:52

I'm gonna have fun with her . What

21:54

you expect .

21:56

I guess . So I know it's interesting

21:58

because now it's gonna maybe kind of have to revisit

22:00

. I should go back my bro , because I did tell him

22:02

this like , since you're the only common

22:04

denominator , it's something , it's some energy

22:07

that's being given off , bro , like something , I'm

22:09

not sure what it is , but you're giving off some

22:11

energy that's attracted , this energy back to you

22:13

.

22:14

These dudes be . These dudes be entertaining

22:16

and they'll entertain just to see

22:18

how far they can go until

22:21

maybe the girl asked for something , or they'll just see how

22:23

far they can take it and then she'll she'll

22:25

pop up and ask for something . But I

22:28

feel like if you're intentional about

22:31

dating and about how

22:33

you're putting yourself out there while you're dating

22:35

, what you your , your dating life will reflect

22:38

back to you what you're putting out there . So

22:41

if you're only if you're only if

22:43

you're , only if you're only if you're entertaining

22:46

a fun girl because she's fun and you're trying to

22:48

have fun .

22:50

I want to do . You know what I mean . Listen , we'll entertain

22:52

some stuff .

22:54

Yeah , because you got one of something real serious too

22:56

, but he took in everything that came

22:58

his way , including those girls

23:01

. So you won't run into . That's

23:04

just my perspective , my opinion you entertaining

23:06

these people and you getting , you making them comfortable

23:08

enough to ask for word

23:11

right , especially here in the A .

23:13

there's no shortage , I'll tell you that right now , there's

23:15

no shortage of human beings in the A who's

23:17

willing to get that check , that money up off of you , like

23:19

there's , there's zero . If you're a band Atlanta

23:21

, you're gonna know exactly what I'm talking about and

23:24

you know . So one of the last things I want to talk about here on

23:27

this show is how

23:29

do you and I think we've talked about this before

23:31

, and that's kind of like the , the

23:35

preferences versus the deal breakers yet another

23:37

show that we could just do a whole show on which we might

23:39

. We've come up with like four shows , this show , so we've come

23:41

up with our next , like three to four shows with

23:43

the preview , and then we're actually deep dive on

23:45

these , because this is what I've talked about with several

23:47

different people and I'm always interested to hear what

23:50

one is versus the others , because you know what

23:53

ends up happening is like , well , I might have a laundry list of deal

23:55

breakers and , and as I talked to a lot of women

23:57

, one of the things I've discovered and maybe this is the same we would

23:59

mend to is that that

24:01

list gets shorter as you get older , like so , when you're younger

24:03

, that list starts off a mile long . As

24:06

you get it started to get older , you start to scratch some things off the list

24:08

. Like , well , I'll take this maybe . maybe at the beginning , like

24:10

I don't want to man with no kids , then I'll

24:12

take one who doesn't live with him , I'll take one that

24:14

does live with him , but as a teenager I'll take a toddler

24:16

, I'll take anything like . So

24:19

it kind of goes down with

24:21

time , with with time . Now

24:24

, what do you ? Is that something

24:26

that you see and something that you're kind of familiar with

24:28

, kind of having what is a strong preference

24:30

versus what is an absolute deal right here

24:32

?

24:32

I know a lot of my friends I never

24:34

had and that was a . Let me tell you that was a part of my

24:36

problem back in the day , like I didn't

24:38

have too many boundaries . I don't think I want to

24:41

see this is the type I want , the fine ass dude

24:43

. I didn't care what he had

24:45

going on , kind of like when I was young .

24:47

That's a guy's perspective . You're talking about how guys do . That's the cool

24:49

stuff you do .

24:50

That's the cool stuff that I had there

24:52

. You know , I'm saying like I didn't really have that

24:54

. I didn't care what he was , what he had going on , like I

24:56

said , I was a fixer-upper , like let me help

24:58

you , I always had my stuff

25:01

together and it was just kind of like you know

25:03

, I can help you , you , you know

25:05

so unfortunately , I had to help you

25:07

.

25:07

You're housing these dudes . Man , put these dudes in the house

25:09

put them up you .

25:10

They say , yeah , I'll take .

25:11

I'll take care of . I got you . I'm settled on my financials

25:13

, you know I'm like what are you looking for ?

25:15

I'm gonna help you you know , but I had

25:17

to really get out to the point

25:19

where I'm gonna help you . I wasn't

25:21

that I wasn't that bad where I was putting them

25:23

up in housing stuff , but I was the type who

25:25

, okay , you

25:27

say you want to do this , let me help

25:30

you do this . And if I had to , whatever

25:32

I had to do to help , I would help . But it'd be me

25:34

pouring , pouring , pouring , pouring in to

25:37

build this person up and

25:39

I wasn't getting anything in return

25:41

. So I didn't have a lot of boundaries . Which

25:43

means I didn't have a lot of boundaries . It means

25:46

I didn't really have a lot of preferences

25:48

versus what

25:51

is non-negotiable Deal breakers .

25:54

Because a lot of times people , that's

25:56

what people tend to have yeah

25:58

now in me .

26:00

My list is still short . Like

26:02

I said , I didn't really have one before

26:04

. Now I'm on the show . Now it's like okay , you have to respect

26:06

my boundaries . You give me any type of

26:08

red flag . You don't respect my boundaries

26:10

.

26:10

You have to draw .

26:12

I don't give you down

26:15

. How fine it is .

26:16

So that's one of them , right ?

26:17

That's just sounds like a deal like three , right , so that's

26:19

just having just boundaries . Mine

26:21

is just having boundaries now , like because

26:23

I didn't have any before , because I didn't know where

26:25

I began and where another person ended

26:28

. So another person never ended and

26:30

always needed , needed , needed , needed , needed . I

26:32

would just give , give , give , because I didn't know where I ended

26:34

or where I began . So now

26:38

it's now . It's understanding my boundaries

26:40

, understanding and

26:42

, I guess , something within my boundaries

26:44

. I don't mind somebody who have kids

26:47

, I don't think I don't mind

26:49

somebody who have kids , as long as you're taking care of your kids

26:51

and you ain't dealing with the BM

26:53

, I think you're dealing with Right .

26:55

Right . Is that that's like having them any issues

26:58

, Because I've never really had to deal with that . What like if

27:00

I date a woman with them ? I haven't

27:02

really had to deal with like any baby father drama , Like they may

27:04

have it , but it never kind of spilled over , you know

27:06

what I mean .

27:06

Yeah , that's all I would want , because I know

27:08

for me that's . I gave every man

27:10

that that I dated . Because I have an 11 year old

27:13

. I deal with big drama between

27:15

me and him but it never spilled over

27:18

, like the guy would never know . You know

27:20

I'm trying to think and

27:22

then preferences back in the day he

27:26

had to be six to six over six

27:28

, six pack . Yeah , absolutely , that

27:30

was good to my own stuff , why

27:33

he had to be so tall now you know , here

27:35

last guy talked to you and very close

27:38

to my height , so you know I've grown

27:40

.

27:40

So you've , you've , you've , you've dropped

27:42

down . So what was that like dropping

27:45

down like an inch every , every , every

27:47

year ? So how long did it take you down ? To

27:49

from where you started .

27:51

No , it was drag . Well

27:53

, I'm about six years

27:55

. Like I said once , I really

27:58

started with like I

28:00

don't , six , seven years , because for the longest he had to be

28:02

tall . I don't want him to be tall . Now it's

28:04

like he ain't got to be that tall , but that took

28:06

a while for me to get over that .

28:08

So that was why I think that is because that's a physical

28:10

preference , you that think that you just that's

28:12

just your physical preference , just kind of changing

28:14

yourself .

28:15

I think I just was following the trend because

28:17

I'm really not , I

28:19

don't really care about the height . Well , he can't be four foot

28:21

two .

28:22

Now you know , I'm saying , oh wow , wow

28:24

, two dudes like you know

28:27

just as soon as you got put in , you

28:29

just been put back out for all you guys who

28:31

felt like yo now we got a shot , now

28:33

you can put back outside by DJ .

28:35

No , five to six and over , is you know

28:37

? That's good , that's generous .

28:39

That's generous from what a lot

28:41

of women are , because I wouldn't listen

28:44

. They don't five foot , nothing , and it's over

28:46

with me . It's over with like we're

28:49

nine guys over with , we're not getting nothing .

28:51

That's crazy . No , five foot

28:54

six and over is five . I got over

28:56

the stupid stigma of a guy

28:58

got to be a certain height . A guy got to be this , a

29:00

guy got to be that . Um

29:02

, I don't see

29:04

, I wouldn't be . I'm not the best in this year because I'm still

29:06

. I'm still learning my

29:08

preferences , my background Are we all .

29:10

I don't know if it ever . Is it ever done , DJ

29:12

? I don't think it is . I don't think it is . I don't

29:15

think that you ever really stop

29:17

, because you don't stop evolving as a person . I mean

29:20

, if you're living life correctly , there's going to

29:22

be constant evolution , things that

29:24

you learn from each previous year to where you take it into

29:26

the next year like , okay , yo , a little bit more wise

29:28

, and I feel like some of those preferences kind

29:30

of change with that right which is growing as a human being

29:32

.

29:33

Absolutely . So I say , yeah , I don't have

29:35

, I never had , I didn't have any before

29:37

and now I only have

29:40

a few . I probably can list

29:42

a whole bunch of things that I know I won't stand

29:44

for . But as far as like preferences and

29:46

and then deal breakers , you know

29:48

the person got to respect my mind

29:50

. You know I've been in relationships where guys will

29:52

try to dumb me down , dim my light

29:55

, like things like that .

29:57

So what would they do ? Like when you say dim you're like or dumb

29:59

you down , like , where is that ? Like talking to you and condescending

30:01

fashions .

30:03

Is that what ? Yeah , condescending fashions

30:06

, or that's basically talking

30:08

to me and condescending fashion . I ain't never had nobody

30:10

like insult me , like directly . Like

30:13

you know , somebody can insult you directly

30:15

like oh you yo , that's

30:17

like super toxic , though , right . Like if , do

30:20

like if you go into the crib .

30:21

You being insulted at your house by by

30:23

your sister . That sucks , that

30:26

sucks .

30:27

My first relationship , none of my personal . My

30:29

second one I wasn't a physically abusive

30:31

one , so after that yeah , I

30:33

was . I wasn't that , and I'm

30:35

gonna take that back down to was verbally

30:38

abusive as well . So

30:40

I did deal with that and after

30:42

that relationship , okay , well , that's something I'm not

30:44

gonna tolerate anymore , but that was a very good relationship

30:46

. I was a teenager .

30:49

So you got out the way pretty quick .

30:50

I got that one out of the way pretty quick . I hate

30:52

that I went through that , but I'm one of those people , unfortunately

30:55

.

30:55

I'm very hard at it , so especially

30:59

have to go through a few things before you really

31:01

have to to figure out some stuff . And you know

31:03

what's crazy is . As I've looked at the notes you

31:05

know I've taken notes this entire show Let me see

31:08

I see one , two

31:10

. Okay , let's say three

31:12

. All right , I see three more shows here . More

31:15

shows . It's just from this one

31:18

conversation that we've had . It was one

31:20

half an hour conversation . There's gonna be a few

31:22

more shows , just based on what we've talked about here . Tell

31:24

the people where they can find you at DJ

31:26

.

31:27

So you can find me on all

31:29

social media platforms . At playing

31:31

the number four keeps

31:34

app . You will see my

31:36

podcast clips there , you can

31:38

get access to see my video podcast

31:40

and my audio podcast , and you have

31:42

access to the data

31:45

and app as well . So check us out .

31:48

Amazing , amazing . This is Reggie

31:50

Chil . Check us out , stay at your heart . Radio , google podcast

31:52

, apple podcast , spotify , wherever you find

31:54

your podcast . See you next time .