0:01

This Reggie atl coming to you from the lovely

0:03

city of Atlanta , Georgia , going

0:05

out to the Nell in California

0:08

, but she's not in front of a window . I can't see if

0:10

it is sunny or not . The

0:12

now I'm just going to assume it is . I mean , this is

0:14

LA . Right , you got to assume that it's just always sunny

0:16

there .

0:17

That's a great assumption and it is , and it's actually

0:19

what the second week or second

0:21

week of our heat wave . So we're sweating . I'm

0:24

indoors , where I should always be , because

0:26

it doesn't make any sense .

0:28

What is ? What is that heat wave in Cali ? Is

0:30

that like 80 degrees ? I wait , what is that

0:32

like ?

0:33

Oh , we're sitting 80 degrees . That's nice

0:35

, that's regular we're like 90 , 96

0:37

, getting over 100 almost . It's that

0:39

it's at a hand .

0:41

I'm not here for it . That's typical . Like

0:43

for us anyway for us , not

0:46

, not , not not , for I know you guys aren't used to this kind

0:48

of stuff , but that's typical Georgia . So how

0:50

hot is it during summer ? Like typical July

0:53

in Georgia . Atlanta

0:55

, you can hit those 90s Like

0:57

pretty , pretty routinely .

0:58

But it's a different kind of heat . It's

1:01

dry and it just sits on you and

1:03

like I've been in New Orleans when I'm in Miami

1:05

, so I know that humidity , you kind of just you

1:07

feel it . But dry it

1:09

sneaks up on you Like all you , all you have is hot

1:11

. It's when you feel hot .

1:15

You know , there's some people who had went to

1:17

like Death Valley and like

1:19

actually died there . Like this

1:22

one older gentleman went there and

1:24

it was like 100 and like it was like 128

1:26

, 125 or something like that . That wasn't too

1:28

long ago .

1:29

That would happen like maybe

1:32

last week or so , about a week or so ago

1:34

, you know so it's

1:37

hot , definitely , and

1:39

you don't have to go to Death Valley over here you just go hiking

1:41

period , forget your water , get

1:43

lost a little risk in life , risk

1:45

in life to hike .

1:48

Do you hike anyway ? You know like , yeah , you

1:50

don't strike me as a hiker .

1:51

No , I do . I mean I was in Washington for a long

1:53

time in the state and is

1:56

that right A passage in Washington Is that

1:58

like you're like I've been watching .

2:00

Of course I hike .

2:01

You have to . If you don't , people will get you a little

2:04

funny Like why are you , why are you here then ? Like

2:06

what ? So what brought you here ? Somebody

2:09

kidnapped you .

2:12

It is a must . It's

2:14

interesting because I wanted to have

2:16

you on today , because I it is . This is an interesting

2:18

subject , ok , so , because there's always a

2:21

this is a relationship

2:23

dynamic , and I'm not necessarily because I'm

2:25

a heterosexual myself . I'm pretty sure this exists

2:27

in other ways . I'm not sure this is just

2:30

a heterosexual issue , and

2:32

this is going to be kind of like controlling versus standards

2:34

. And I read an article recently

2:36

and it's about this this

2:39

woman had made a social media post that had gone viral

2:41

, that she had wore

2:44

I guess she had bathing

2:46

suit pictures or beach pictures . She says

2:48

they weren't necessarily bathing suit pictures , from what

2:50

I'm reading here , they

2:52

were like beach pictures , right , and they

2:55

they were on her social media and

2:57

her boyfriend one of them deleted . So

2:59

she deleted him and she got him out

3:01

. She got , she didn't kill

3:03

him , but

3:06

she got . She dumped him , though she

3:10

dumped the boyfriend , and

3:12

this is always something that's been super fascinating

3:15

to me to know , because I genuinely

3:17

believe that there

3:19

is . If you decide to

3:21

get into a relationship with somebody , there's

3:23

concessions you got to make right . There's

3:25

, like this , certain concessions like if you're and

3:28

I'll give you a sample of a person's impulse I had

3:30

a friend of mine who

3:32

his this has happened a while back

3:34

ago . I would say this is maybe like five , ten years ago . Easy

3:36

, he had someone to break up with

3:38

him . They were in a long-term relationship . They ended up breaking

3:41

up and one of the things he

3:43

he didn't like was that

3:45

he was like man , she's always like checking up on me

3:47

, man and like wants to know where I'm going

3:49

, what I'm doing and stuff like that . I was like bro , it's called a relationship

3:52

, like that's called . Like yeah

3:55

, I don't want to know where you're

3:57

sitting . Do you think about this ? To know

3:59

? Could you imagine somebody asking you about

4:02

where even your family member is ? That you know

4:04

that's not even a relationship . And you

4:07

back hey , where's your roommate ? Let's

4:09

just go , roommate , I

4:11

don't know . I haven't seen him

4:14

in a few months . I don't know , I'm not sure you

4:17

know . It's like you probably know where your

4:19

good friends , family

4:22

, roommates , people that are important

4:24

in your life you probably know where they're at

4:26

. You know what I mean , at least where they could be . You

4:29

don't necessarily need to say , hey , they're over

4:31

at Chick-fil-A or this McDonald's

4:33

on this particular street , like you don't

4:35

need to have specifics , but I really

4:37

feel like you probably know , right , like

4:40

the vicinity of where this human

4:42

being is . Is that crazy ?

4:44

I know . I think it's reasonable , it

4:46

makes sense , especially nowadays because

4:48

you have so much interaction through social media and other

4:50

things . So unless you actually check in with somebody

4:52

, how do you really know or at least like

4:54

send an update ? It's like two seconds to send a

4:56

text message I'm here or over here you

4:59

can . It was a Google you could

5:01

share where you're at . So they didn't

5:03

have to ask you , you could just share your location with

5:05

all your friends , so I don't think that's

5:07

unreasonable for somebody to be like hey , you know , just check

5:09

in . You're alive , because I

5:11

care about you .

5:14

How are you going to get mad ? How are you

5:16

? How are you super upset at that ? And

5:18

I feel like there's lines and we'll discuss the

5:21

other implications of that , but just sticking

5:23

with this , and I told them , and they end up breaking

5:25

up , right , because of course she was like

5:28

you know , he wanted to kind of hang out and stuff like

5:30

that . And one of the things

5:32

is , if you're used

5:34

to and maybe people who have been single

5:36

for a long time have this issue more , you know , because

5:39

they're just so used to having their own time right , they're

5:41

so used to not having that like answer to anybody . They're

5:43

so used to being able to just go out the house

5:45

. Maybe they come back a week later , maybe they just randomly

5:47

go on a trip they could do whatever they

5:49

want . But when you are

5:52

deciding that you're going to be with somebody

5:55

, this is one of the concessions that

5:57

you're going to have to have , right , you're going to have

5:59

to probably talk to that person . You

6:01

probably got to tell them what

6:04

you were . When they ask you what you're doing tonight

6:06

. They're not trying to control your life , they just

6:08

probably just really want to know what you

6:10

are getting into tonight .

6:11

Maybe they want to know what they may be getting into tonight

6:13

. Right , like , maybe I'll get into something together

6:16

. Were you not doing that before ? You

6:18

guys like to find the relationship or anything

6:20

. They were just like no , I just come and go with a please

6:23

. Okay , that's just weird , that's

6:25

weird right .

6:26

It's weird . It's a weird way of dealing

6:28

with life and that's kind of like where I had kind of had to break it

6:30

down to him . I was like , bro , like you still want to be

6:32

like single , you still want

6:34

single characteristics . Like you want to date somebody

6:37

and have single man characteristics

6:39

. I was like you just need to stay single , bro

6:41

. Like if you don't want to check it up and you want to

6:43

hang out , you want to bro out on the weekends and stuff

6:45

like that . Like you need

6:47

to just stay single because it's not a lot of people going

6:49

to want to deal with that . Have

6:51

you ever heard anybody in these

6:53

situations like that , Because that's me from like a male

6:55

situation . Have you ever had any female friends

6:58

, associates and stuff like that who didn't really like or

7:00

maybe felt like guys are checking up on them too much

7:02

or asking questions about their whereabouts

7:04

and maybe , from another person's perspective , just

7:06

been like a relationship question ?

7:08

I feel like most of the women that I've known

7:11

, especially like the serial daters

7:13

they want to know every like , every movie

7:15

. He's not asking me what I'm doing . He doesn't care

7:17

. That's how they see it .

7:19

I know A little bit right , because I made it something

7:21

. If I'm not asking you . I got my own thing popping

7:23

.

7:24

Exactly Like what's going on then . But

7:28

I definitely feel like there's a fine line

7:30

to where it's like every hour or so

7:32

. If he's not sending a message or texting

7:34

or liking a photo , then I've got issues and

7:36

I need to know where he is . Of course

7:38

, when you get elevates to that level , of course you

7:41

think , hey , you're like chill , you got some security

7:43

problems , relax . But

7:45

if it's just like you're going three or four days

7:48

and nothing , yeah , that's

7:50

an issue where we got problems . And if

7:52

you take offense by her asking like , hey , when

7:54

are you going to be home , instead of

7:57

just being automatically offended like you're in my business

7:59

, what are you talking about ? And at least

8:01

ask like hey , why you want to know ? Like

8:03

I'm making you food , I

8:06

would like to go spend time with you when you get home

8:08

, like that kind of stuff . So I have an idea how to

8:11

organize my day pretty much . So

8:13

it's like lack of consideration

8:15

on . That would be definitely

8:17

a red flag and he was getting offended

8:19

by that . But

8:21

I would expect him to at least want to

8:23

know how my day went or what's going

8:26

on . But he doesn't need to know every single detail or

8:28

ask me every single detail if he doesn't want to . So

8:30

I think it's a level of like do you actually

8:33

care about this person at all ? Because

8:35

it's like when you have kids , if you have children

8:37

, you're going to want to know where they are . What's going on

8:39

, so I wouldn't be

8:42

significant either . That part , that part when

8:45

will you return ? I'm like it's

8:47

like people going out on journeys and

8:49

stuff and never hearing from them . Send a letter

8:52

, dear John .

8:52

Not even corresponding whatsoever . They're

8:54

just out there somewhere .

8:56

Yeah , exactly Like do you check up on your friends

8:59

? You're like , hey , bro , proof of life

9:01

, especially

9:03

when you get older , because then it becomes concerning when

9:06

you're in old age , like there's been some people who

9:08

passed away and it's been weeks before anybody noticed

9:10

.

9:10

I don't want to be that person . Right

9:12

.

9:13

Come on .

9:14

So how does that dynamic work for you ? Like , have you

9:16

been that person who might be ? Because

9:19

I feel like this is going to break it down and we're going to break it down and like

9:22

into different categories . And I feel like this also

9:24

breaks down the nail into like where you are at

9:26

in your relationship . So , when my friend in

9:28

particular , they were already in a long term

9:30

, they'd already been dating for a couple of years , so

9:32

it's not like this was like she's she's hitting

9:34

you up after a week asking like you're aware

9:36

about you know what I mean . Like you , you guys are together

9:39

, bro , like you've been dating . So there's

9:42

. Do you feel like there

9:44

is a line ? Because ultimately it's going to be

9:46

. If we were to look at what

9:48

this episode is about , it's kind of like about

9:50

possessiveness versus

9:52

just caring about a person , right , and

9:55

the thin line that kind of lies between

9:57

those . Because you

9:59

can care about a person , it's different for me to

10:01

ask what

10:04

time are you getting off work for

10:07

? Just asking , just

10:10

right , because in my opinion , because I've been in a

10:12

free relationship , this is just like genuine relationship

10:14

every day , stuff . Like

10:17

it's not even that thought about . You

10:19

know what I mean . It's not that calculated . I

10:22

feel like there's a difference between that and

10:24

me . Just like waiting outside your job , like

10:26

in that

10:28

car . I've been out here for two hours . Where

10:30

are you coming out ?

10:34

Like oh , you said you were at work , but I checked your location

10:36

. You're not there .

10:37

You're not there . What's going on ?

10:40

No , we're not trying to be at that level , but

10:42

especially if you've been in a long term relationship , you're

10:44

more like why isn't that commonplace

10:46

and why are you getting offended now ? Were

10:48

you offended before or is this like

10:50

a new development and you're trying to hide

10:52

something Like ? I might have to ask you some

10:55

more follow up questions .

10:57

Have you ever felt the need for that

10:59

? Where is that in Denel's

11:01

life Like ? Where has that fell for

11:03

you ?

11:05

I don't feel like I've ever felt the need . I've

11:09

been very independent in general , so I'm not

11:11

the type of person who's going to constantly like

11:13

, hey , what were you at ? What's going on , who's doing this ? All

11:15

that kind of stuff If you don't want to tell me .

11:16

I'm going to tell you what it is .

11:18

I should trust you enough to

11:20

not have to do all of that . And

11:23

I'm also working , I'm busy

11:25

, I got things going on trying to develop a career

11:27

as well , so I would expect him to be doing the same

11:30

. So of course there's going to be times where we're not

11:32

texting or talking all day , but

11:34

it only takes a moment to say , hey , I'm going in this

11:36

meeting , you want to chat later ? Or hey

11:39

, just thinking about you for a second , like little

11:41

things like that Cool . You know , I

11:44

have been that person where it's like , oh hey , you didn't

11:46

say anything to me all day , what's going

11:48

on ? I was like , oh my bad , I was just busy , you

11:50

know , out of sight and out of mind a little bit . So

11:52

I've had to learn to do that a little bit more . I

11:56

guess it all depends on what kind of person you're in a relationship

11:59

with . If

12:01

they're getting back to it , their love language is

12:03

communication and time , of course

12:05

you're going to have to go feed into that or point into that

12:07

cup . But if you're with person

12:09

who's more like an axe kind

12:12

of person , then you might have to show up , pop up at work

12:14

, you know , bring them flowers , send them a gift or something

12:16

like that . There's all different

12:18

ways to kind of meet the needs of whoever

12:21

you're with . It doesn't always have to be just like what

12:23

are you doing , where are you at ? Kind of messages and stuff like that . So

12:25

I think you should be flexible in a relationship and

12:27

that's what I expect from me or anybody else that I'm

12:29

with .

12:31

Now , you know , what's interesting is

12:33

we're going to cut , because that was kind of

12:35

touching on maybe like the whereabouts , like where a person

12:37

is located . I find that's just basis for

12:39

relationship . I'm not dating somebody who I

12:41

cannot locate . I'm just going to just let me just go

12:43

ahead and throw that out there right now . So

12:46

she's in my heart .

12:48

Where are you ? Where's

12:50

Waldo ?

12:51

Because , like you said , I'm not the kind of guy

12:54

to just like obsess over it . We

12:56

just can't be together . Like I'm not going to obsess

12:58

over , like you

13:00

know , I'm not going to like stalk our person , I'm not going to try

13:02

to track your location and everything like that . It's

13:05

just a situation where , like , if you can't have the common

13:07

courtesy from , like I'm at work , it

13:09

takes a second to say that right , like that's not

13:11

even you don't have to do anything . Like you , it's a quick

13:13

text message or something I'm at work or busy

13:15

doing , whatever you know , but I don't feel

13:17

like there's anything . So , in your opinion

13:20

, that's not strange . So we're going to take that off . That that's

13:22

not strange in a relationship to ask about where

13:24

a person is OK . So we got that

13:26

one taken care of . Now let's move

13:28

on to more so the

13:31

clothing and this , and this is where this

13:35

can become an issue . So fast and now

13:37

. Ok , but coming up yeah

13:39

right , oh God , have

13:42

you ever dealt with it ? Did I like ? Yo like , where

13:45

are you going with those shorts , have you ever ? Maybe you just

13:47

don't dress like a Harley . Have you ever heard of word

13:49

Harley before ? Have you heard that use in a sentence ? I

13:51

was . I was determined to use that in a sentence on this show

13:54

and I succeeded .

13:56

I have not heard Danelle and Harlett in the same

13:58

tense before , thank you . Thank you

14:00

for that , reggie . I was actually . That's what it's

14:02

all building up to .

14:04

I'm breaking ground here on this show .

14:07

I'm here , maybe a Jezebel or two , but never

14:10

a Harlett . I

14:13

would say , yes , I have had

14:15

a moment where it

14:18

was like well , what are you wearing now ? I was like , but you know

14:20

, you met me like this , this is not new .

14:22

You see everything I have on Instagram

14:24

. Pull the like , yo . You just see my . You see in the

14:26

ground . That's what . That's what got you here . That's that's

14:28

what Danelle is saying .

14:31

And the audacity and turn around and be like now you

14:34

got to be matron . I was like , no

14:36

, you can't . You . You caught the baddie

14:38

. That's what it is . You don't have the baddie all

14:40

the way through . She's not going to turn into the mother board afterwards

14:42

. Stop playing , Stop .

14:44

Yo , that is hilarious .

14:46

And I feel like that's almost a control issue thing

14:48

too , because I feel like they they can say something

14:51

to you . If they won't say something to the men

14:53

or whoever else they feel is giving you unwanted attention

14:55

, they have all the smoke for the person that's right next

14:57

to them because they're easy to access and I feel like

14:59

I can kind of talk to you any old way , but

15:03

you know the one of his boys

15:05

. If somebody random comes up and they're like , oh

15:07

hey , your girl looking good , like let me get out . You

15:09

like trying to say something , you don't feel like you can really

15:12

really stand your ground

15:14

or say something

15:16

to him . So like I'm going to go for

15:18

the next best thing , which is her , so I could control

15:20

her . So she , she can't wear that anymore

15:22

, you can't do that anymore , you can't do this . I

15:25

felt there's a difference between being

15:27

having respect in a relationship for the person that you're

15:29

with If something is too much for

15:32

them . I think you would have known that beforehand

15:34

, like especially when you were dating them . The whole process

15:36

, like you thought I was just wearing this just to catch you . No

15:39

24 , seven me . I

15:43

think some guys have to wake up to that or realize

15:45

it or be able to handle that kind of stuff Like

15:48

it's not a me problem , it's you problem at that point

15:50

.

15:51

So where's the line at then to know with ? Because

15:53

there's an . I'll give us a personal story

15:55

. I had a , and this is my

15:57

daughter's mother . This is a long time ago and

16:00

this is really the only time I've had

16:02

this issue . I've never been a guy that's like pulling

16:05

out the tape measure for

16:08

for link and stuff like that . Like , hey , can you

16:10

put your arms down next to you ? I need to see

16:12

if we can get you know past those fingertips . I've

16:15

never been that guy . To be honest

16:17

with you , and I do agree with if you

16:19

date a people that are attractive , other people

16:22

are going to be attracted to them , and I think that's no matter

16:24

what they wear . To be honest with you , I would agree , so

16:26

you can't be a jealous person dating

16:28

attractive people . It's just going to your life's going to be various

16:30

. You're making it hard on yourself . You

16:32

know what I mean . I mean , is

16:36

there a line though ? Because with her in particular

16:38

, she's had this pair of pants that she

16:40

used to wear , and it was really only just

16:42

, literally just this pair of pants . She pair of pants I want to

16:44

say they were like white pants , but they were see through . You go like see

16:46

through them and I see like , oh , why

16:48

are you wearing those pants ? Like , are you kidding me ? You walked

16:50

out like you know , your ass is out , like

16:52

you're just , like you know , just showing your ass . You're like , oh , I

16:55

really like these pants , you know , blah , blah , blah . And

16:57

I'm not like , like I said , I'm very much a

16:59

to each his own kind of person

17:01

. So I don't believe in trying to change people Because

17:04

, for one , I believe it's a feudal effort like trying to change

17:06

grown people's . Feudal , like people eventually are going

17:08

to be themselves , like no matter how

17:10

you try to mold them one way or the next

17:12

. So

17:14

she , this was just this pair of pants , and we

17:16

used to get into a lot of arguments to know over

17:18

this , over this pair of pants . Just

17:20

this one pair of pants . We used to get into so many

17:22

arguments and I remember later on her

17:25

, her mother coming to visit . She

17:27

put those pants on and her mother got her , and I

17:29

felt so vindicated . I felt so vinegar

17:31

just from California , so

17:33

something cow . So her mother came to visit from

17:35

Cali and she and she throws

17:38

, she throws the pants on and I was like yo

17:40

, you know , you can like see through those pants and

17:42

I would be like oh my . God , I can't you , just

17:44

it's not me . And

17:46

yes , because I'm like yo , it's not me being

17:48

some raging obsessive dude . You can literally

17:51

see through these pants , like is there

17:53

, where is that , where is that moment at ? And

17:55

they're like is there a line there where you

17:58

, like legit , could approach

18:00

this concern without sounding like

18:02

some kind of possessive idiot ? You know what I mean .

18:05

I think it's how you say it and

18:07

also having alternatives

18:09

. You could have approached

18:11

this subject and like hey , you know what I don't ? I don't really

18:13

like those , or this is

18:16

, I would prefer to be dressed in this way a little bit

18:18

, or bring items like hey , here's

18:20

some clothes .

18:21

I got three pairs of pants for you . You can go shopping

18:23

. No , no , no .

18:24

Yes , let's go shopping

18:26

. I want to take you shopping , let me . Let me show you some things

18:28

like all that that looks really good on you .

18:30

Oh , I like better alternatives .

18:32

And she's more active . Like , ok , like he likes

18:34

this , and my man likes when I wear this , like

18:36

you will get so many girls is blushing

18:38

to say , oh my God . He likes when I wear this to thank

18:41

you . Like , take her shop and sit there

18:43

in the dressing room and watch her put on some clothes

18:45

. Like , if you don't want to wear certain stuff

18:47

, why don't you get her other things ? Well , and

18:49

it's also , I'm sure there's some items

18:52

that you wore or had

18:54

that she was not a fan of .

18:57

So yeah , I feel like part

18:59

of that , you know , is like conversation

19:02

, right , like you have conversation because

19:04

it in end end , like

19:07

I wouldn't necessarily say in my defense

19:09

in this particular situation , because

19:11

there wasn't really my , my , I would love to

19:13

say my wardrobe was exciting enough for her to get mad

19:15

about . But it's totally not . It's hard to get

19:17

mad about . T-shirt and jeans is too difficult to

19:20

excite in any direction . But

19:23

it was kind of like , when I'm thinking about

19:25

it , just you know , whether it's future situations

19:28

or the situation in general , there

19:30

are certain things that I will . If a person

19:32

says , hey , I don't like that

19:34

color on you , I don't feel like she's being like

19:36

controlling I just won't buy that

19:38

color . Or you know what I mean , I will , I will

19:40

buy . You see them saying I thought that's just part of like

19:43

Meeting in the middle of just a , really

19:45

the compromises that kind of come with a relationship

19:47

. If that makes it that makes sense .

19:49

Yeah , no , no , completely understand , and I would agree

19:51

with that too . But I , like I said this , there's ways

19:53

to approaches like hey , you know , that's too revealing . Or like

19:56

hey , you know that I don't know if that's really flattering on you

19:58

. I kind of like this one a little bit better .

19:59

There's different ways to say the same thing and I think

20:01

that's what people are missing a little bit . So

20:04

you know another thing too when

20:06

it comes to this , is hair

20:08

okay here , now

20:11

I have okay , so I have

20:14

to , I have to bring myself , I have to bring you

20:16

tread lightly ready , tread lightly . I

20:19

have to bring it up because I believe that

20:22

there is a difference and I'm gonna hair difference

20:24

. I'm gonna go the same thing with the hair difference

20:26

as , or the hair example . I'm gonna do

20:28

the same thing as just a body example in general and

20:31

I'm gonna do it for for males and for females . I'm gonna do it

20:33

like my situation , but I'm also gonna do it on the female

20:35

side , for a male as well . So For

20:38

my situation particular , I like certain hairstyle

20:40

. So if I meet a person and

20:43

a person has like Shoulder

20:46

length hair , I'm not saying like down her back

20:48

or whatever , but I like something

20:50

, something growing out of it , something growing

20:52

out of your head . You know what I mean . That's

20:56

just my preference and I believe that there's , there's

20:58

everybody has a preference . Some people have racial preferences , some

21:00

people have like country preferences , some people have

21:02

height preferences . You know , I mean I'm not I've

21:04

no go into these situations feeling like I

21:06

fit everybody's preference . You know what I mean . I would

21:08

venture to say that people have just such different

21:10

styles and I don't take offense to it myself , but

21:13

it can't be very offensive to people . So

21:15

I don't necessarily want to then

21:18

come home and let's

21:21

say that she's got like I Come

21:23

home the next day and she's got like a purple fro . Now

21:26

, me personally , me personally , I'm

21:29

so , like I said before , I'm such a

21:31

Do

21:33

as you like person that I would have a really hard

21:35

time cuz I've gone through this . I would not the purple fro

21:37

, but I've gone A

21:45

situation where a hairstyle

21:47

might change and I'm like yo , that's

21:50

not what attracted me . You're like , you know

21:52

, like there's certain things that attract people to

21:54

you , right , and hair could

21:56

just be like one of them . But it could

21:59

also be on the other side . Let's

22:01

say that a woman meets a guy and when

22:03

she meets a guy , he's in the gym all the time

22:05

and then , after she meets him , he's on the

22:07

couch eating potato chips all the time , playing video

22:09

games all the time . Yeah , she have a

22:11

right to bring that up . And does the guy have a right

22:14

to bring that up like yo ? This is kind of like

22:16

cuz . I think the funny

22:18

thing about attraction , then L is

22:20

I I'm not saying that you

22:22

can't have a relationship and have a love that kind of

22:24

transcends the physical attraction . It's

22:26

definitely , it's definitely possible . But

22:28

I was saying is like Going through

22:30

the motions to kind of keep yourself up to like what

22:32

that person would attracted that person to begin with . So

22:35

if I was in the gym before I met

22:37

her , I'm not gonna like be like , oh well , she's here now and

22:39

I'm kicking my feet up and I'm just gonna gain

22:41

all kinds of way to do relationship right

22:43

. It's

22:46

, it's , it's , and you definitely can gain

22:48

it . I've got about good 10 to 15 of them

22:50

. But what I'm saying is , like you can , it's

22:53

at least making an effort . Like if

22:55

a person like you were with before . It Can be as simple

22:57

as cologne or perfume , right , if a person that you

22:59

were before they wore all the time , they made these efforts

23:01

before , but then they're not making these efforts

23:03

after an relationship , is a person allowed to say

23:05

something ? I thought in in the

23:07

same thing , like this the hair situations

23:09

is similar in the same . Like you meet a

23:11

guy and let's say that you don't like a guy with dredge

23:14

, or let's say that you'd like a guy with dredge . Okay

23:16

, you want a guy . You met him . He had

23:18

dredge . Okay , attracted to

23:20

you to know . You come back home the

23:22

next week . Now he's got a low-cut fade

23:24

and you're like your

23:29

hair , you do whatever you want

23:31

, because that's how it was for me . I never I

23:33

would express whether I like something or not , but

23:35

I never told a person to change it . You

23:38

see what I'm saying ? Like I'm never that

23:40

guy who's gonna be like . Even with the

23:42

pants situation , I wasn't like throwing the pants

23:44

out or anything .

23:45

You know what I mean . I'm not . I'm not . They would have gone missing

23:47

. If they were me , they

23:49

would have found their way .

23:55

I have trouble with that because I'm such

23:57

a live and let live person . I believe like your

23:59

life is your life . You know what I mean . So it's kind of

24:01

like I'm not gonna be like yo

24:03

, you need to Cut your hair

24:05

or you need to grow your hair . You know what I mean . There's just

24:07

certain things . I'm attracted to it and I'm just gonna be honest

24:09

about that . I'm gonna be very forthcoming about

24:12

that . You know what I mean . Is there

24:14

a line for stuff like that , without sounding

24:16

like you're just some kind of superficial , like

24:18

asshole or something like that ?

24:21

I feel like it depends on how

24:23

you guys started your relationship

24:25

and um the

24:29

person themselves like , because , honestly , I would

24:31

hope that you would like me regardless . I mean , I

24:33

could lose my hair tomorrow . You know , have I been ? I get

24:35

into a car accident or a fire . I could

24:37

not look that way , I mean barring , like cancer

24:40

or injury .

24:41

I believe that those things are are kind

24:43

of like life happening to you versus

24:46

A person going out and me , like if I went

24:48

out , if I had dreads and I just went out and cut them

24:50

. I just did that . The

24:55

barber didn't just happen to be in my crib

24:57

, but you know what I mean . Like I actively sought to

25:00

make that change . Should that person

25:02

run it by their significant other without

25:04

being like that person's , like controlling them ?

25:07

I feel like it depends on how your

25:09

relationship itself Like are you guys

25:11

well , if you guys value

25:13

relationship as far as like boyfriend , girlfriend , or is it like

25:15

are you guys trying to be married husband , wife , that kind of stuff

25:17

? I feel like that changes the role a little bit . If it's

25:19

my boyfriend and he's like kind of preference , like

25:22

you know what I like when you're long

25:24

, straight hair , we've done , he

25:26

likes that . That's how he met me or whatever , and I decided

25:28

to change and go natural later on , or something like

25:30

that , I could definitely that's

25:33

been a problem before . People want you to

25:35

look a certain way , cause this is the image that they want you

25:37

to portray . But people get

25:39

older , they change , they grow . So if

25:41

your attraction to me is

25:43

so tied up into my appearance , then

25:45

no , I don't think it's . I don't think it's worth it . I don't think

25:47

it's gonna work , because things change constantly

25:50

and hinging

25:52

your whole relationship

25:55

on this person being this way

25:58

when I met them , or fitting

26:00

into a certain little box , it's

26:02

very controlling , it's very

26:04

. It can

26:06

isolate you and then

26:08

make that person feel like , well , if I change anything

26:10

about this , well , go anywhere outside

26:12

of these boundaries of what this person

26:15

wants . They're no longer gonna care about me , they're no longer

26:17

gonna be attracted to me , I'm never gonna belong . I'm gonna look

26:19

at other women who fit that mold and

26:21

feel insecure and afraid

26:24

that they're gonna come up and take my man because

26:26

I'm not this image of what he wanted

26:28

to be . Or in the

26:30

reverse , if he say I met

26:32

him and I'm like I loved him and a fade , but

26:35

he's like you know what ? I wanna be a dread , I wanna dread

26:37

it out , and I'm like I personally don't

26:39

like dread . So I was like I prefer that you didn't , because

26:41

I find you more attractive when

26:43

you don't have that . But I'm not gonna

26:45

force him into doing that sort of stuff . I

26:48

can also figure out a halfway point

26:50

. You're like , hey , maybe you could fade on the side or something a

26:52

little dread at the top , like

26:54

a party in the back , you know , like something . But

26:57

also I think taking that person's

27:00

feelings into consideration

27:02

is important . So I don't

27:06

know it's so mixed because I feel

27:08

like if there's something that I want him to do , then

27:10

I feel like I should be paying for

27:12

it , or something Like if I want him in

27:14

fades every week and he's like you know , I'm running in fades like

27:16

here , babe go here's your baby .

27:18

Here's your barbara money . This is the barbara I want you to see . I will definitely support

27:20

it . I like women with nails , I

27:23

don't listen to it . If that fun is running short , you

27:25

let me know Exactly

27:28

, exactly .

27:29

I feel if it's a two-way street and I can say

27:31

that to you and you can say that to me , but

27:34

if it's only one way and he's like , oh , you

27:36

have to be this certain way , but I can go do

27:38

whatever you know , sit on the couch and chill

27:40

and not do any of that kind of stuff , then now we got issues

27:42

. But if it's we're both on this

27:44

mission , like we're both equally

27:46

decided , like hey , this is what we want , this

27:48

is how we want to be here or our relationship

27:51

to go , then okay , as long as they're both agreeing

27:53

and that's what it is , then go for it whatever

27:55

works for you guys . But if it's very one-sided

27:57

and only one person expecting to change

27:59

, adapt or whatever , then you

28:01

know I'm not here for it . We will not last

28:03

.

28:05

That's interesting . It's an interesting perspective , because one of the things

28:07

that you said I'm kind of agreeing is like the mixed bag

28:09

of it , because there is a certain I

28:13

would struggle with being honest because

28:15

I'm very it could be very blunt . I could struggle with

28:17

being honest versus the

28:21

part of me that believes that your life is your

28:23

life . You know what I mean . Like , I am so

28:25

about that . I'm so about people

28:29

doing what they want to do . You only get one life . I'm

28:32

very much pro people doing what they want to do

28:34

in their life . It's their body . If they want

28:36

to cut their hair , they want to cut their hair . If they want to grow

28:38

it out , they want to grow it out . Like you know , they're

28:40

not necessarily beholden to

28:43

everybody . However , I do believe it's

28:45

a strong however in here , and here's

28:47

where life is going to suck . Attraction

28:50

is real . It is real . So

28:52

it's kind of like if

28:55

I attracted a certain woman being

28:57

in the gym all the time , you

28:59

know and I'm not talking about getting into

29:01

an accident , break my leg , and now I can't go to the gym and

29:03

she dips . I'm not talking about any situation like that , cause

29:06

that's not a real relationship . I

29:08

mean , it's not always going to be sunny outside

29:10

of range . That's not a rainbow , you know . So

29:12

I'm not talking about anything

29:15

like that , cause I have had stuff like that happen and then things

29:17

change for people and I'm not like I'm out of here

29:19

, you know , it's

29:21

not that . But over time

29:24

to know if she

29:26

is attracted to a gym guy and

29:29

I stopped going to the gym , I think it is very

29:31

selfish to feel like love is going to keep her here . I

29:33

feel like I don't think that that's . I don't think it's realistic

29:35

. She's going to go out . In

29:37

that she's not . She doesn't live in a bottle

29:40

. She's going to go out into the world and

29:42

see the guys that do go to the gym

29:44

that are naturally attractive . Like

29:46

you know what I mean , they're going to naturally . Even when you do

29:48

love somebody totally and you are totally

29:50

attracted to them , you still might go out and see somebody that's attractive

29:53

and like , oh , it's an attractive person . You still

29:55

might notice it . I'm not saying you're

29:57

going to walk up to them , but you notice it . I

30:00

feel like if you aren't doing

30:02

your part in these relationships , then

30:04

you are leaving that

30:06

Like you're kind of making

30:09

it harder for her to keep .

30:10

Yeah , making it harder for her to keep the wolves at

30:12

bay .

30:13

You know what I mean , because I'm over here gaining

30:15

weight , sitting on a couch playing with your games

30:17

. That's not what attracted her here and

30:20

I could always pull the well , baby

30:22

, you love me or you just could be superficial . It's

30:25

not just . You know , when you beauty is just more

30:27

skin deep , I can give her the whole spiel and it sounds

30:29

great . But I don't know if it's

30:32

realistic to life if a

30:34

person's being honest with the other person Cause a lot of times . That's

30:36

why people cheat , cause they don't want to be all

30:38

the way honest there . You know what I mean . They don't want

30:40

to be like yo . This isn't how I met you Like

30:42

. This isn't the person that I was attracted

30:45

to . You become a different person and

30:47

your attraction is your

30:49

attraction . Like people , like what they like . Right , you

30:53

know , like you like what you like . But

30:55

I feel like you're hinging all of that on just attraction

30:57

, Like if I I would hope that as

31:00

we , as we are , like activities as

31:02

well , like maybe I hope it's our relationship .

31:04

Yeah , but I hope it's our relationship matures

31:07

, that our attraction mature as well

31:09

. It would be more than just what I look like

31:11

, more than just the physical appearance

31:13

itself . So I'm like why is

31:15

that part nine Especially when you get into old age , like that's

31:18

, that might be all you have .

31:19

Well , I , I , I feel like , uh

31:21

, you bring up a solid point in that sense to

31:23

know , because , as as there is a maturation

31:26

process that every relationship kind of goes through , right

31:28

, you're not going to be the same , and I feel like that's just , in general

31:30

, right , like you meet a person , some of these people meet very

31:32

early . If you meet a person and they're like 18

31:35

, they're not going to be the same at like 28,

31:37

. You know what I mean . They're not going to be the same at 38 . You

31:39

know what I mean . As they age , you're not going to be the same person . But

31:41

here's what they can do . Though they can make

31:43

the same efforts , it's not

31:46

always just hinged on what they end

31:48

up becoming Like . So , if and that's why I like using

31:50

the gym as an example , because

31:52

the gym is an effort , you know what I mean I'm

31:54

making an effort to go Uh , you know , maybe

31:57

it doesn't work as well into my

31:59

30s or 40s as it worked in my

32:01

teenage and early years , but at least

32:03

the effort hasn't changed . At least the effort

32:05

hasn't changed in a sense of like , I still care about

32:08

attracting my partner , like , and I'm not taking

32:10

their presence for granted and thinking that love

32:12

, the love will keep you here , type of mentality

32:15

. You know what I mean and feel like , well , you love me now

32:17

, so I mean I'm just going to . You know , have

32:19

you ever seen people to know who get out of relationships

32:22

? Then they lose all the weight and then they

32:24

become that person , and then they , they , they

32:26

get their revenge way , they , they

32:28

, they start going to the gym now , they

32:30

, they start looking a certain way , they start dressing in

32:32

a certain way . You're like where

32:34

was , where was all that when you were with the person

32:37

that you were with ?

32:38

But I feel like there's another aspect of that too , because

32:41

it's also did that person make

32:43

room for you to be able to beat that the new

32:45

person ? After you get out of the relationship too ? Like

32:47

where the stress in the mental

32:49

anguish that could happen in a relationship , it weighs

32:51

on you , so it makes it so you can't go do those things . You

32:53

you , emotionally or physically , can't get out there

32:56

and actually maintain this body or whatever else

32:58

that they wanted at the time . So of course

33:00

, when you get out of the relationship , that

33:02

that thing that was holding you back is not there

33:04

anymore . Now I can go do these things , or

33:06

it might have been those responsibilities that

33:09

you had in that relationship or no longer there . So

33:11

now I have the time to go and focus on

33:13

me , get my mental state right , go do my body

33:15

thing , all that kind of stuff , whereas when I was with

33:17

this person I I wasn't there , I couldn't

33:20

do that , or they didn't give me the room to be

33:22

able to do these things . Especially , if you

33:24

like to say , you mature , you got a family , you got other

33:26

responsibilities , you got careers all that stuff plays

33:28

a role . So it can be very unrealistic

33:31

to expect somebody to be that person that they

33:33

were before . But , as you were saying , the

33:35

effort can still be there but it also can be redirected

33:38

into different things . So , because my effort

33:40

may not been going to the gym anymore , it

33:42

might have been put into making sure , like

33:44

hey , like um , he likes to make sure that he has his lunches

33:46

made , or he likes , when I go to

33:48

um different events with him or for

33:51

work or whatever , that I look a certain way , so I try to

33:53

do that . Or um to to entertain

33:55

the business associates so that he can get more

33:57

deals , and things like that . Like my efforts

33:59

have changed and the need because his needs has

34:01

changed . So I think that

34:03

that goes hand in hand . Like you can't need

34:06

for her to be who she was before or

34:08

him to be who he was before , because

34:10

now the first people you are now as that couple

34:12

, as um , as in your relationship

34:14

, it's not the same . So you're

34:17

, you're what you wanted

34:19

. Or some people hold on to what

34:21

they wanted in the past and they don't

34:23

let it um change , they don't let it

34:25

grow , they don't let it develop into something else . You

34:27

want to keep that person where they were before and

34:29

I'm like that that's very hard to deal

34:31

with and it weighs on you . So when they get out of that

34:34

relationship now , it's like fresh start . Now

34:37

I can go be the person that I was before , or

34:39

I wanted to be the person in the future , because

34:41

I didn't have the time I had kind of straight . I had other responsibilities

34:43

, all that stuff .

34:44

So I don't I don't know if that's a good comparison

34:47

um , having the new

34:49

me , no , no man type stuff , you

34:51

know um , I feel like it's different for

34:53

different people , cause I feel like some people that might have

34:55

been in constriction because you bring up a solid point

34:58

of , like the if you got to spend a lot of time with another person , um

35:00

, and then there are people

35:03

who were actively will , like yo , I

35:05

, they broke up with me , so now I'm going to make

35:07

him wish he stayed with me by going

35:09

and doing all the stuff that they were hoping

35:11

I would do when we were actually together .

35:15

And then it's also fear too . Fears the motivator

35:18

. Now you're back in the market . You don't know how things were or

35:20

how they are now . So now I was like I got to compete with these

35:22

girls and these young nuts .

35:24

So there , you know , let's , let's , let's stay on that point for

35:26

a second , because I personally

35:28

and this is not , this is why I say I say

35:31

it on both sides , because this is not a one sided situation

35:33

with me I also

35:35

, uh , just because I'm

35:37

in a relationship with somebody , it doesn't mean that somebody else

35:39

I'm not competing with . I

35:41

don't . The competition for their affection doesn't stop

35:43

, in my opinion , just because I'm in

35:46

a relationship with them , and I'm very cognizant

35:48

of that . So it's not like I'm putting um

35:50

standards on somebody else that

35:52

I wouldn't hold myself to . You know what I mean

35:54

. That's why I will go to the gym , that's why I will try to keep up

35:57

with myself . I keep , I keep on my dress and keep

35:59

up with things that I do . It's because

36:01

I know that that doesn't the competition doesn't stop

36:03

. But that works both ways . You know what

36:05

I mean . The competition doesn't stop just because

36:07

you're in a relationship , and I feel like it's kind

36:09

of delusional

36:11

for people to to feel like , just because

36:14

your relationship was reached a certain emotional point , that

36:16

nobody's going to find your partner attractive anymore . But

36:18

but you , but they walk outside the house

36:21

Like you know what I mean .

36:22

Like people

36:25

have that mentality sometimes . It

36:27

why why , why ?

36:28

why do you think that is ? Would they feel

36:30

like I feel like to be personal ? I feel like it's kind of arrogant

36:33

in my if , if I was to have the perspective to

36:35

know that just because my

36:37

partner loves me , that nobody's going to like her when

36:39

she walks out the house . And now I don't want to do nothing

36:41

, no more to keep up with myself

36:44

. Isn't that arrogant ?

36:46

to a certain degree it definitely

36:48

is . You can see , I've met people in relationships

36:50

like that where it's

36:52

very You're not going

36:54

anywhere because I'm the best that you can do

36:56

. So , Person

37:00

like , well , I would like . No

37:02

, I don't want to do that , I

37:04

don't want to be in a relationship with somebody like that . But there's people

37:06

who genuinely think that , um

37:08

, especially when you haven't . So

37:11

, so the thing now , I guess , when men are settling

37:13

down , they're settling down with women that are

37:15

have just been around and this one's kind of

37:17

stuck with me , so okay . I guess all

37:19

I guess she'll be the one . Um , and

37:22

women have had the personality , that

37:24

or the idea that , okay , well , if

37:26

I just stick it out long enough , he'll choose me

37:28

and I'll be it . So I

37:30

Having that kind of relationship

37:32

, it makes it harder to have the oh , you know

37:34

, you should be in the gym and working out

37:36

and being this way when , like

37:38

you said , it's one sided and the only one

37:40

person Is expected to do those things . Um

37:43

, it can be eye-opening when that person actually

37:45

gets the , the self-esteem level , get

37:48

their self-esteem up , and they're able to get

37:50

out of the relationship and then look back to like , what was I thinking

37:52

? What was I doing ? This is crazy . And then you still have that

37:54

other person who's still in that mentality where you

37:56

can't do , you never do any better . That's it . I'm

37:58

all you got Trying to hold somebody down

38:00

, hold them back , whatever . It's just weird

38:02

. I don't understand it . But I think

38:05

that plays a role into the whole . Um , I want

38:07

you to look or , uh , act or appear

38:09

a certain way .

38:11

I think it's interesting because I

38:13

I really struggle between the

38:16

being honest when you just being

38:18

forthcoming , like listen , there

38:20

are , especially If

38:22

you're and I believe this is what anybody

38:24

I believe somebody's gonna be attracted to

38:26

you like it . I'm not saying that you walk out and

38:28

women are just falling . Women are , men are just falling

38:30

over you , like that , I

38:34

don't know , like somebody didn't know like

38:36

somebody's gonna like , gonna like this

38:38

person when they walk out , and I just think that if

38:40

that person , if the if you don't

38:42

have both people actively

38:44

making efforts to try to keep the other

38:47

person's attention and Outside

38:49

of just like paying bills and hanging

38:52

out together and living your life together

38:54

, I think you're doing your relationship a disservice

38:56

. I just think it's a disservice . I think if you're falling into

38:58

a rut of this because you know how easy it is it's

39:00

easy to know , so easy to

39:03

fall into the rut of just paying bills and going to work

39:05

. And then you look up in years of past

39:07

. You know what I mean . So it's easy to just Get

39:10

into that routine of day , that

39:12

daily routine of things , um

39:14

, but it's kind of . And then what ends

39:16

up happening ? Maybe they get divorced , right , they

39:19

both get new relationships and they're like oh , this is what

39:21

I've been waiting for all my life , like I feel

39:23

young again and then the life , life is happening

39:25

again Like that's because you got into that rut with that other

39:27

person . Y'all were just going through life together and

39:30

if the maybe if these things didn't

39:32

ever express more openly , there

39:35

would be less of these kind of breakups . Maybe if

39:37

it was it because I think that it becomes

39:39

such you look at it as a stigma

39:41

of being so superficial that

39:43

you don't want to express it right , because

39:45

you don't want to look like you're just here

39:47

, just for that . But I think you're doing yourself

39:50

as a disservice to act like that . Does

39:52

that the physical part is not playing

39:54

a part for why you are there .

39:56

Yeah , I would agree it does . It does play

39:59

a part , um , but I also think that part is like

40:01

I said , it changes in it , it grows , it becomes

40:03

what percentage do you feel like that part should play the

40:05

melody fight .

40:06

That should pay 50 , 50 , 20 , 20 percent

40:08

, 15 percent .

40:13

Oh , I will .

40:15

I would say , and just

40:17

for you personally , not for like everybody else Well , like

40:19

what ?

40:19

would it be for you ?

40:20

personally .

40:23

It . I would say 30 percent disposable

40:25

, because I feel like my attraction it's it's not

40:27

just about what you , what you look like , who

40:29

like .

40:31

I need more than that , Especially long term right . Especially

40:33

long term , because your

40:35

appearance is not going to keep me there forever . It's appreciating

40:38

asset , for sure .

40:39

Yeah , definitely , definitely . So I

40:41

I feel like I need to have some . You

40:44

gotta have some quality of personality . I can't be talking

40:46

to a rock .

40:48

I will not hold a conversation with me , so , um , no , they know

40:50

what if that changes as well , because we've been talking a lot about the

40:53

physical when I really I'm just talking more so just

40:55

about changes that happen in relationships

40:57

. Some of them are physical , some of them are behavior

40:59

. Like I said , if you even the gym , the gym is

41:01

a physical situation but it's also a behavior

41:04

and you're , let's say , that you meet

41:06

a person and they Y'all you

41:08

read books that were out or they were an outdoors person

41:10

and then you meet them and no , they're not an outdoors person

41:13

anymore , like you know the things that that interest

41:15

you to this human being . Not

41:18

saying that you got to stay frozen in time forever

41:20

, but I feel like you should give it

41:22

, you should pay attention to what your

41:24

significant other with your partner , uh

41:27

, would attracted you , I would agree there and

41:29

Keeping you to kind of there

41:31

.

41:33

I feel like it's also , if things change

41:35

like that , I think , especially than their

41:37

home personality shifts , I think there might be a deeper

41:39

, deeper issue or something else that you might want to

41:41

address , and it's not just the apparent

41:43

stuff or or them not doing certain activities

41:46

anymore . I'd be more concerned like

41:48

, hey , what's ? How are you feeling ? Like

41:50

what's going on ? Honestly , because

41:52

that can shift people Like

41:54

as well , and they don't even look at that

41:56

. They just see like , oh well , you were going to the gym before

41:59

, but now you're not . You're

42:03

getting , you're getting a little chunky on there . Like what's going

42:05

on . It could also be like , hey

42:07

, you , why aren't you going to the gym ? What's

42:09

caused you not to want to go or not be able

42:12

to go , and how can I help ? Because I know this

42:14

is something that you liked , I know this is something that you care

42:16

for About and the value that you have , and

42:18

I see that it's , it's no longer there . So what , what

42:20

happened , what ? What's going on ? I think those

42:22

those questions , those deeper questions

42:24

should , should be asked and looked at

42:27

, because that can , they could be going through extreme

42:29

depression and that's why they don't want to . They don't even want to get

42:31

up in the morning or there's something

42:33

stressful situation at work that I'm not telling

42:35

you about . That's why I don't want to go

42:38

to these events anymore , when I used to enjoy it

42:40

and all kind of stuff . I think you have to

42:42

really look past Just

42:44

the the first thing that you see and

42:47

get a little bit deeper , especially if somebody you truly care

42:49

about , I want to know what it is like , what's really

42:51

going on . That's how we fix that part before

42:53

we come back to oh you know , get the gym .

42:56

I think that's where it at least starts , at least at least

42:58

having a conversation , because I believe the problem

43:01

is is that a lot of People ignore it and

43:03

then the other persons are believing , or be they cheat

43:05

maybe they're believing , or split that because they're you're

43:07

, they're literally dating a different human being . They're

43:09

literally with a whole different person than what

43:11

got them there . You know what I mean . I don't believe

43:14

that people are obligated to just Sit

43:16

through their life like that and wait for people to

43:18

get it together . You know what I mean . Like you

43:20

, I do believe , um

43:23

, in being honest about it , because

43:25

I I'm not . I wouldn't just run

43:27

out and then just be like yo , I got

43:29

the person that I got the person that I was looking

43:32

for . I'm gonna be honest , but

43:34

I believe that once a person is honest with you and

43:36

they're being transparent with you , I

43:38

really feel like there's not really

43:40

much more a person owes you . Like I don't feel

43:43

like people owe you , owe you their

43:45

life or would owe me their life because they're

43:47

in a relationship with me . You know what I mean . Like I

43:49

, if they're not finding that contract . We

43:54

got married you you're walking out of this thing . Like

43:56

you know

43:58

, it's a situation where I

44:00

, I , I Don't believe that people

44:02

like pledge their life to others like

44:04

that and it would , with no kind of

44:06

would , no kind of Standards

44:10

. You know what I mean . Or with like hey , you

44:12

can do anything now like we're , we're we're together

44:14

now . It doesn't really matter , and

44:16

then I'll never bring it up right

44:18

exactly and I feel like there's , there's , if

44:21

people are more Transparent about that , then

44:23

maybe some relationships get saved versus

44:25

a person just completely stepping out on a person who

44:28

fits what that person used to be

44:30

you know what I mean and instead

44:32

of just talking to that person but I do believe

44:34

that there's , especially from a guy , the dynamics

44:36

a little different . But from a guy to a woman standpoint

44:38

it can come off as a possessive , you know what I mean

44:41

. It can come off as like Um

44:43

oh , you're just with me . For the physical

44:45

, it to act like I just saw your mental

44:47

from across the room and approached you Like

44:50

I feel like it's delusional as to what actually

44:53

is happening in life .

44:55

You never think the body across the room , a girl , your

44:57

mind .

44:58

Right , man , I've been hurt since . The humor is amazing

45:01

, let me get over there . You know what I mean . Like Me

45:07

personally , especially made me visual and I'm

45:09

definitely that guy . It's

45:11

, it's , it's not and any of

45:13

you are . It's Handling your business

45:15

. I believe other people , especially this day

45:17

and age man , other people will step in Instantaneously

45:20

. You know what I mean , especially if they sense that

45:23

you know , and I feel like that's women and men Right , if you sense

45:25

that other person you like , this person , this

45:27

person object of your affection , you fit

45:29

their type , you feel like you'll be a better person than their

45:31

partner . The partner takes them for granted Person

45:34

gonna step in the nail you know what I mean and they're

45:36

gonna make a move on that situation . If

45:38

the person that Talk to their partner

45:40

earlier , maybe they could have gotten

45:42

around . I'm not saying that it's a fix in in

45:44

it all be at all , but I feel like maybe you could have got ahead

45:46

of that a little bit . You know what I mean .

45:48

Yeah , I mean this communication on both parts

45:50

definitely agree . But I feel like you . Somebody

45:52

can only get get into a space when you allow

45:55

them room to . So if you're not Giving

45:57

them that room , they can't get in . It doesn't matter

45:59

how much they're . Just like oh , she don't really care about

46:01

you , like I need to type stuff , like no , you're

46:04

not giving her that room to be it in there or telling

46:06

her your business , then and

46:08

I don't think you know , stepping out on on

46:10

something like that would be , wouldn't ? It doesn't

46:12

make sense to me . Yeah , I

46:14

don't give that part . But I

46:17

also feel like Going back

46:19

to saying people change

46:21

and good , getting older and everything for sure

46:23

most women stay with men

46:25

when things happen . Say he gets older

46:27

and has to go to hospital

46:30

, or he's in a coma , or you know , something medically

46:32

happens or just a freak accident , or whatever

46:34

.

46:34

Women stay study she's like

46:36

you feel , like Ben don't .

46:38

No , not at all like Friend

46:41

. She's up , she's in there , she works in our office

46:43

. No , she's like yeah , yeah , number

46:46

of men who just she

46:48

wants me to have somebody else .

46:51

Yo , is that not ? Is that

46:53

that's not too crazy ? Because I feel like you really

46:55

love a person . Isn't that what you want ? Do you want a person

46:57

to change , a person to die with me ? Like , are you

46:59

serious ? I'm not dead yet .

47:02

I'm not dead yet . Okay , before

47:08

that , she has

47:10

cancer or she has something else that you ? Know

47:12

, I

47:18

will pull up the study and I'll send it to you . They don't

47:20

stay , women do . Women will carry it through

47:23

, go through everything . That's why some of them , in their

47:25

getting into relationships when they get older , when they find out

47:27

that they have a medical issue , a heart-to-heart

47:29

kidney problem , that's when they get booed up

47:31

.

47:32

You might boot up a nurse , like what you're doing . That

47:41

is so that yo , that's that . That's hilarious

47:43

. I

47:46

Feel like , well , we're gonna have more conversations

47:49

like this . I definitely appreciate an outside

47:51

perspective here to know . Thank you for

47:53

, for joining me and kind of giving me that

47:55

and giving the audience that .

47:58

Thank you for Awakening me to the

48:00

realization that you can't tell that I'm just

48:03

hilarious and witty .

48:11

Well , educating people one person at a time . Here

48:13

is Reggie Nate . Yeah , check us out , stitcher . I

48:15

heart radio , google podcast , apple podcast , spotify

48:17

, where you find your podcast . See you next time , all

48:21

right , great .