1:50

We

2:00

can introduce each other every week now. How

2:02

about that? All right. So let's

2:04

try to, okay. Hi, welcome to Relax Podcast. This is Eric

2:06

Stockman. Eric Stockman,

2:06

and that's Colleen Ballinger. That

2:09

makes sense. Okay, so

2:12

speaking of the comments of our

2:14

show that you guys leave. Last

2:17

week, we

2:19

ate powdered donuts and chocolate donuts

2:21

that were Hostess and 7-Eleven brand.

2:24

And we had to guess between the two, and it was a no-brainer,

2:27

the easiest thing I've ever done in my life.

2:28

Not for me, more difficult

2:31

for me. And I was shocked at

2:33

how many people liked it and wanted us to do it again.

2:35

I was also shocked when he told me that. Because

2:38

I was like, that can't be enjoyable

2:40

to listen to. Just like listening to me eat

2:42

and you eat. Like I feel like that can't be, but anyway,

2:44

you guys wanted us to do it again. So Eric

2:47

ordered a bunch of fast food and are

2:49

we both doing it or is just I do? Close your

2:52

eyes. I'm closing my eyes. My eyes are closed. Close.

2:54

I don't know what he got. Your eyes, Colleen

2:57

May, Ballinger. I don't know

2:59

what he got. Did anybody nickname

3:01

you Mayday?

3:02

No one nicknamed me Mayday, no. So

3:04

what I have here is three fries, three

3:07

cheeseburgers, and three Cokes.

3:09

Okay. I saw a McDonald's bag, that's all I

3:11

saw. So I know some, but McDonald's would

3:13

be so easy. No, I really only

3:15

saw McDonald's.

3:17

I don't know what the other ones are. Hold out your hand, here's a fry.

3:19

No, oh, I can't touch them. That'd be, then I'll know immediately.

3:22

I really? Oh, yes. By touching the fry?

3:24

Are you kidding? Okay, take a bite of fry. We're

3:28

working fast here if anyone's wondering because

3:30

it happened quicker than we thought and

3:32

now they're getting cold and Colleen was like I can't do

3:34

this if they're cold hmm

3:38

Oh That one's cold,

3:40

so I'm having a hard time that

3:43

was number one okay. This is number

3:45

two What

3:49

the heck She's eating three different

3:52

kinds of fries. I won't I'll try not to chew into

3:54

the microphone. Sorry guys, okay, so that was That is

3:57

fair.

3:58

cold and like soggy

4:01

so this is really hard. If there was like, I haven't even

4:03

swallowed the last one. Give me a second, give me a second.

4:05

It's not part of the game. I knew like wash it down. Okay,

4:08

third one.

4:11

Fry number three. God, they're all cold.

4:13

What a bummer. We're trying, I did the best

4:16

I could. I had to order three different kinds of fast food.

4:19

I think that last one. And then get you downstairs and then feed

4:21

them all to you on a podcast like it took, logistically

4:24

it took a while. And here's bonus

4:26

fry. Bonus? Yeah. Wait,

4:30

are there four places? No, three

4:32

places. Oh, that's a curly fry. How did

4:34

you know? Because I can taste the flavor.

4:37

How did you possibly know? Well, the shape, but also

4:39

the flavor of it. Okay, so number three

4:41

I'm confident is McDonald's. That is correct.

4:44

Number two is Wendy's.

4:46

That is correct. And number one

4:48

was Jack in the Box question mark. That

4:50

is correct. And the curly fry was Jack in the Box color fry. Yes,

4:52

it was. You

4:54

are the smartest person alive.

4:57

My taste buds are the smartest person alive. If

4:59

only this- Do you want me to do it to you now? This skill that you

5:01

have. I didn't even know what the other two were. I

5:04

only knew there was McDonald's. This skill that

5:06

you have, if that was like worth actual

5:08

something. It's worth nothing. Like world peace

5:11

or like an actual, like a civil engineering

5:14

job. Imagine what you could do for the world, for

5:16

other people, but instead you just know what fries

5:18

are

5:19

from different garbage fest food places. I

5:21

was close though because like, I almost guessed,

5:23

Lovey, that the Jack

5:25

in the Box one was McDonald's. The first one you gave me, It

5:27

wasn't, it was cold and gross,

5:30

but it was like kind of McDonald's-ish,

5:33

but then once the McDonald's one went in my mouth,

5:34

it was like obvious, this is McDonald's. Close

5:36

your eyes. Are we doing burgers now? This is lightning round.

5:39

What are we doing now? We gotta go fast, they're getting cold. Okay,

5:41

okay, okay. This is happening very rapidly.

5:43

Yes. Okay, can you handle this? Well,

5:45

I don't know how fast I can chew and swallow these burgers.

5:48

There's paper rustling, just so you

5:50

know, as a listener and as a Colleen

5:52

Ballinger with her eyes closed, because now cheeseburgers

5:55

is happening. And we're going quickly because-

5:57

Oh, you know what? This one I'm not gonna be able to do because I

5:59

don't know Jack. in the box and Wendy's

6:01

cheeseburgers. I know, but you knew they're getting cold.

6:04

So you gotta go fast, open your mouth. Take a bite.

6:08

You got all the content. Did you order no onions

6:11

on whatever this garbage is? Cause if you didn't, I'm gonna

6:13

have a heart attack. Wait, hold on. Hmm.

6:18

All right, this sucks because I honestly will have no

6:20

idea with the burgers, cause I don't know anything

6:23

about Jack in the Box Wendy's Burgers. There's

6:26

a pickle in there that I like. That's

6:29

good. But I'm sorry to anyone

6:31

who has like. Open your mouth.

6:32

Chewing, let me swallow my food. I'm

6:35

sorry to anyone who has like chewing sound phobias.

6:38

Just hold the microphone away from your mouth when you're chewing. Show

6:41

me one. What? Are you ready? Ready,

6:44

go. Last McDonald's. That's

6:46

a McDonald's. I eat that every day. Last

6:49

one, ready? No, I just put that in my mouth.

6:51

Let me enjoy my McDonald's for 22 seconds.

6:53

How, what's happening? So you think it's a McDonald's?

6:56

No, I don't think. I know that was McDonald's. Oh my

6:58

gosh, we're running out of time. But

7:00

for what? The burgers are getting cold. And you said

7:02

you wouldn't do this if any of them were room temperature. No,

7:05

I didn't say I wouldn't. I said it would be

7:07

harder for me to guess. The

7:09

fries were hard. It was hard to

7:11

guess. We're fighting room temperature here. I know, but I

7:13

need to swallow my food. Keep going,

7:16

keep chewing. Is there a soda? Yeah,

7:18

here's your soda. But did

7:21

you get, you didn't get a fast pizza? My

7:24

eyes are closed. It

7:26

was wild. Yes, I got fast food

7:29

soda. Okay. Open your mouth,

7:31

go. Ah! Ah! Oh!

7:35

Okay. That one's not good. What

7:37

do you think? I honestly, I genuinely

7:39

do not know because I don't know their burgers, but

7:42

I'm going to guess. Uh-huh. One

7:44

was Jack in the Box Two, it was McDonald's, three was Wendy's. That was

7:46

correct. Jack in the Box,

7:49

move my mouth, the Wendy's one was not good to me. I'm

7:51

not enjoying this. I wanna spit it out, kind of actually. Okay,

7:54

now here's what you wanted. I'm

7:56

gonna use the same straw for

7:59

all three.

9:58

No, listen,

10:01

because you use the metal straws a lot, right?

10:03

So do I. They're all gone. No,

10:05

they're not all gone. But the problem

10:09

is that you sometimes enjoy a nice

10:13

beverage with a lime or a lemon in it

10:15

or a smoothie, per

10:17

se. You'll drink lots of variants

10:20

of beverages through our metal straws,

10:22

right?

10:23

You don't clean the metal straws, can you? What am I going to do?

10:26

No, you put them in the dishwasher. So

10:28

he doesn't use the little thingy that like cleans inside

10:30

of the metal straw. What am I, chim chiminee, chim chim

10:32

charoo? Yes. Yes,

10:35

Dick Van Dyke get in there. No,

10:37

nobody does that. I know when

10:40

you buy metal straws, I know that they

10:42

come with a little chimney sweep thing. Because there's

10:44

chunks in there. You get like moldy chunks in

10:46

the, so now whenever I pick up a straw, I

10:49

can't use the, I can't use the bended ones.

10:51

I have to use the straight ones because those ones I can look through

10:53

if I put it up to a light and I can see

10:55

which ones you have not cleaned your things out of. And

10:58

I know it's you because I don't use metal straws for anything

11:00

but water.

11:02

So I'm just saying, if you're gonna

11:04

get metal straws, you gotta do an inspection

11:07

and make sure you chim-chim to rude them. If you're gonna use

11:09

dishes, you have to sometimes

11:13

do them. Correct. These

11:16

are things that are good to know. I'm

11:18

glad we've added this talk. Okay,

11:21

he's gonna get metal straws. Okay, Eric

11:23

has a plethora of straws. A series of

11:25

straws from a container

11:28

in one of our drawers because

11:31

turtles,

11:31

specifically sea turtles, are the most magical

11:34

animals on the planet. And so we have a

11:36

drawer of reusable straws. Pick

11:39

your three, choose your weapon. Your

11:42

three weapons. I'm inspecting the internal. Inspect

11:44

your three weapons that maybe have remnants.

11:47

Of weird smoothie. fossils, if you will. This

11:49

one doesn't look good, I would not use that one. This

11:52

one that I'm holding? one that I put

11:55

down. These three are good. I got three. I got

11:57

three that look good. you Like

12:00

I said, all that stuff that

12:02

was happening before, the preface, nothing.

12:05

Authors, it wasn't not

12:08

the real competition.

12:10

Are you easy? Can I do TZ? You did it so

12:12

quickly. Sure, if that's what you want. I love

12:14

you in glasses, you look so cute. But you will,

12:17

this is the thing, this is your thing,

12:19

your T-shirt. Everything about your personality.

12:22

Your whole persona revolves

12:24

around Coca-Cola from McDonald's. I

12:27

wouldn't say that, but okay. It's your identity. I do love it, but

12:29

I, okay. If you can't pick this out, I will be

12:31

disappointed. Disappointed.

12:33

But I also, I'm- The worst word you can hear

12:36

from anyone you care about. Disappointed.

12:41

I don't think I'd care if someone said that. I'd be like, okay. Just

12:43

the B word, don't say that. Yeah, definitely don't

12:45

say that, what? I mean, there's quite

12:47

a few words. I don't know why that was the first one, but-

12:50

C word? Yeah, wait, is that, there's stuff

12:53

on this, but I'm gonna forgive it. Oh no, you saw the straw,

12:55

close your eyes. Oh, sorry, I was not, yeah, I'm sorry, switch

12:57

mouth. I just want to inspect

12:59

and make sure you're not putting the sticker. I need to make

13:02

sure, can we, wait, can I see the sticker situation?

13:04

You just need to see the stickers. I have to know

13:06

that you're not like. First of all, Wendy, thank

13:09

you for

13:09

caring about my safety and putting

13:11

a sticker over your little beverage

13:14

hole. Okay.

13:19

Come on now. I'm just

13:22

grateful that there's no sticker in the straw. You

13:24

don't think that there's gonna be that sticker into your

13:26

straw. Number one, closure, keep them closed. I'm

13:28

not gonna do this guy. Keep

13:29

them so closed. This

13:31

is a Coca-Cola from a fast food establishment.

13:39

Hmm, interesting. Mark it in your

13:42

calendar. Okay. The calendar

13:44

of your mind. It's marked. Okay.

13:47

Are they closed? They're really closed. I can't tell if

13:49

they're lashes. Yes, they're closed for sure. No, no, no, they're closed.

13:52

Oh my God. What is

13:53

that?

13:55

Oh

13:57

my god

14:01

Interesting. They better be

14:03

closed. I swear. Why are they moving

14:05

so much? Oh no. Keep

14:09

them closed. Why are you... Alright, number

14:11

three. That straw

14:13

was so... Bleh! That straw was so

14:15

small. Ew.

14:18

That was gross. Really? Keep

14:20

them closed. They

14:24

are closed. I don't drink soda so I think it's all... Wait, I need to

14:26

start... I need to do it again. I need to do it again.

14:29

Go to number one again. Okay, same one. Okay, well,

14:32

we weren't gonna do this. Tilt

14:34

your head over a little bit. Can you tilt your head sideways? Yeah,

14:36

there you go. I don't want you to know the cup.

14:41

Oh man, I don't know, okay. Number two?

14:44

Number two. Side tilt. Okay,

14:48

that one, we have to do that one again because the smell of your

14:50

breath infiltrated the set. Oh no! I

14:53

did, when we stopped for

14:55

a second before, take a bite of a cheeseburger.

14:57

I'm not gonna say which one.

14:59

I don't know, but there's a lot of sense

15:01

happening. Okay, I'll turn away. I'll turn

15:03

away. That

15:07

was number two. Okay. And

15:09

here's, be my number three again. Do your head.

15:12

I'll breathe away. Yuck.

15:15

Okay, number one I think, oh no, I'm nervous

15:17

is gonna be wrong. I know number three is not McDonald's.

15:20

If number three is McDonald's,

15:21

I will be so shocked. It's real

15:24

flat. I think number one,

15:26

this

15:28

is hard. I don't know Wendy's and

15:30

Jack in the Box cooks very well but I think number one

15:32

was McDonald's. I think, oh my God, I'm scared.

15:35

Number two I think was,

15:40

oh, I think number two is Jack in the Box and three is Wendy's.

15:42

I'm guessing, I have no idea. I

15:45

really don't know. One and two are both pretty good honestly.

15:47

Call the police. You

15:51

got it wrong. What is it? Number

15:53

one was Jack in the Box. It was pretty good. So,

15:56

it was for McDonald's. Wendy's, you were right. Yeah, I knew the

15:58

last one wasn't. Yeah. I want to number.

16:00

to a pretty comparable like they're pretty

16:02

good they both were pretty good but

16:03

I'm shocked I didn't know I will say the straws

16:05

threw me off

16:07

why does it's not a classic McDonald's

16:09

yeah it's not like the classic like okay

16:12

plastic shows your eyes bonus round

16:14

I'm gonna put in two new straws that are the same

16:16

straw okay wait

16:19

this is a chance to redeem yourself okay close

16:21

your eyes oh

16:24

there's so much burping happening okay

16:27

okay this is such an insane

16:29

episode Open your mouth. To

16:34

yourself. I know it's an audio medium,

16:36

but don't even... I'm not saying anything. Okay, number two.

16:41

The first one was McDonald's, the second one was Dragon of Mars. Yes, you

16:43

are a person. I can tell.

16:46

You are you. I can very much tell that time. Okay,

16:48

good. I don't know why it was so hard the first time, but I didn't

16:50

think I'd get that one right. Wait, I really

16:52

want to do the fry test to you.

16:54

To me, the fry test? Yeah, can I do the fry test to you? I

16:56

feel like I could know the fries. I feel like you could

16:58

do the fries. I feel like you could do the burgers too. The

17:01

burgers is easy. Well, the burgers would be really easy

17:03

because McDonald's is like obvious. And if you

17:05

know Jack in the Box and Wendy's, one of them had

17:08

lettuce and stuff.

17:08

As someone who didn't eat fast food for six

17:11

years. So you already saw them, so you know which one has lettuce in it. So you

17:13

already know which one is lettuce. I know, but now they're like beyond

17:15

room temperature. Okay, well let's just try the fries. I'm gonna

17:17

do the fries on you and you have to

17:19

guess at least the fries, okay? Yeah,

17:21

it's a free country. I mean, yeah, if you can reach them.

17:23

Is it? Okay. I guess,

17:25

yeah, no. All right. not

17:28

the most.

17:28

Yeah. OK. Here we go.

17:31

We're going to do a fry test. You ready? Yeah,

17:33

but just to be clear, we're not going to do this every episode.

17:36

We just did. No, no, no, no, no. Probably never again, honestly. Something

17:38

similar last episode, and you were like, oh, we

17:41

should do that again. And we were hungry, I think.

17:43

Yeah, so here we go. My eyes are closed.

17:45

Mouth open. That's how eating works.

17:47

Uh-huh. OK,

17:50

there's number one, lovey. Two thoughts

17:54

or no thoughts? Do you just want to savor

17:56

and move on to the next? I'm gonna say that's

17:58

Wendy's off the top of my head. OK. All

18:01

righty, you ready for the next one? No. Oh,

18:08

that tasted exactly the same. What? Are

18:10

we doing tricks? No, no tricks. No

18:13

tricks at all, child. I'm going to say that's Jack in the Box.

18:16

OK. Hard

18:18

swallow over there. I feel like I should pull the microphone

18:21

away, but I don't know why. Instinctively, I moved the microphone

18:23

closer when I was desperately

18:25

trying to swallow. Okay, go ahead. McDonald's.

18:31

Yeah. Was I right? You were right with

18:33

McDonald's. No, I got them confused.

18:35

Yeah. Jack in the box and Wendy's.

18:38

Yeah, Wendy's is gross. The only

18:40

way Wendy's fries are good are dipped in a Frosty. That

18:42

is the only way they are good.

18:44

Yeah, I don't eat these things ever, so I don't know why. That

18:46

is a bold lie. I only

18:48

eat them, I scavenge. You

18:51

eat fast food with me all the

18:53

time. Before you met

18:55

me, you did not. I hadn't had fast food

18:57

for years. You told me six years. Yes.

19:00

And I remember we were on set of Haters Back Off, and we were

19:03

talking about food like the cast. We were all talking about food as a

19:06

cast, and

19:09

what our favorite foods were, and what fast food we like,

19:11

and whatever. And you were

19:14

being shy, not talking much. And then I was

19:16

like, you were at me as a quinoa kind of

19:18

guy. I remember saying that

19:19

to you. I remember you saying quinoa kind of guy. And you

19:21

were like, no, I don't know. You barely

19:24

said anything. And then I was like, do you eat fast food? And you're like, I

19:26

haven't had fast food in six years. It was either six or

19:28

seven years or something like that. And I was like, what? Only

19:30

like, I only allowed it to

19:32

myself on road trips. Right.

19:35

To where it's like you really, you know, when you have to like eat

19:37

at a truck stop on a, like a road

19:40

trip meaning like six hour and above drive.

19:43

And you didn't meal plan for that. Right.

19:47

Fast food is very, I know it's terrible for you.

19:49

It's bad for everything. It's bad all around. There's

19:51

nothing good about it other than that it's cheap and delicious.

19:54

But it's hilarious to hear people

19:56

eat. Not watch, but hear.

19:59

I know. Sorry guys.

21:48

would

22:00

come back with McDonald's and be like, I'm... You

22:03

just felt so cool, holding a McDonald's cup.

22:05

Really? Yeah, you're just like, I don't

22:08

know, I felt cool. I only did it a couple times, but I also

22:10

would go to In-N-Out on my lunch break at

22:12

my school,

22:13

like at high school. It's something that

22:15

blows my mind that you were able to do that

22:17

in high school because ours was perpetually

22:20

locked down by police officers at front

22:23

and back and we were not allowed to

22:24

leave. I feel like that is

22:26

how it probably should be. I don't think you should, I don't

22:29

know. I mean, I don't know anything, but I

22:31

really liked it in high school. It was very nice for me to

22:33

be able to just drive away whenever I

22:35

wanted to.

22:35

It was nice for me to sneak

22:38

out a door and then sneak through woods and

22:40

then have someone who had stayed homesick meet me

22:43

at the woods with their car.

22:45

Yeah. It's kind of similar. That's a little

22:47

similar, but not really at all. Right. You

22:50

know what I really wanna do? It's more like an Oceans movie

22:52

than it is. I don't know if I'm gonna do it.

22:55

I won't do it on, maybe

22:57

I'll try to figure out a way to do it for the podcast or for

22:59

a vlog or something, but I have this idea.

23:02

So in high school, we had these cookies

23:05

that they sold that were certainly not

23:07

baked all the way. They're just pretty much goopy

23:09

cookies, like 75 cents, and they were during

23:12

the break, the first

23:14

break between periods, and I bought

23:16

one every day by asking random people for

23:18

a quarter until I would get 75 cents. We talked

23:20

about this

23:21

on the podcast. You said there

23:23

were breezeway cookies that was not a thing

23:25

for me. Yeah, so I think they still have

23:27

them. I think that's a thing you

23:29

made up and you were just buying random cookies

23:32

from people in the woods. Absolutely not. In

23:34

fact, I'm gonna call a friend, and

23:37

I'm calling Teenie. She's not gonna, she's gonna be so mad, she'll

23:39

probably sleep. This is actually important.

23:40

I think her children are on spring break, so

23:43

maybe she will understand. Maybe, but maybe not.

23:46

Because we actually were talking about, Teenie went with me

23:48

on tour last week, and

23:50

we talked about this. She brought it up, not me.

23:53

Hello. Hi. I'm

23:56

podcasting right now. Can I record you for

23:58

a second? So

24:01

Eric doesn't believe me that there were cookies

24:03

at our high school during nutrition break. Can you please

24:06

tell him? Nutrition

24:07

break? Obviously there were cookies

24:09

and every single day we would get cookies

24:11

between first and second period and

24:13

they were like not cooked but

24:16

hot. And they were delicious

24:18

for

24:19

nutrition break. See? Yeah,

24:22

so what I'm saying, you had a nutrition break between

24:25

first and second period. So we're talking, what are we talking

24:27

like 845?

24:28

We had block scheduling, so 9.30. We

24:30

had block. 9.30 to 9.45, hello. Yep.

24:35

So 9.30 in the morning. Excuse me. 9.30 in the morning.

24:39

Fresh, gooey, not baked all

24:41

the way cookie. So anyway, I was telling Eric that I think

24:43

that you and I should go to San Marcos and try to

24:45

buy one and see if they still have them.

24:48

Okay, we're doing

24:50

this. We're doing this. I

24:53

don't think we should be promoting just showing up to high

24:55

schools that we don't go to as adults.

24:58

What do you think they're gonna think, Eric?

25:02

I'm giving them money for cookies. I'm buying a

25:04

cookie and then I'm leaving. I'm going during nutrition

25:07

break and we're

25:09

gonna do it. Maybe I'll

25:11

pull out my litter jacket, because

25:13

I got a litter in choir. Let

25:16

me get a jacket.

25:16

How did I not get a litter in choir? Here's

25:20

what I think. I think you guys should just

25:22

never been kissed this whole moment, the

25:24

Drew Barrymore movie. Yes, I am familiar.

25:27

Yeah, so just dress like you did in high school,

25:29

find the outfits that you wore in high school. I still

25:31

have them. Uh-huh. And, um,

25:34

Eric, you're basically talking about us. Yeah,

25:37

I don't think anything has changed. She pays all

25:39

that and never going to test.

25:41

Also, she went back to high school. Yeah.

25:45

Also, I think I still have my, uh,

25:48

my sweatshirt for, um, enchante.

25:51

Like, it literally says enchante on the sleeve. I'll

25:54

wear it. Okay, anyway, we're gonna do that. I love

25:56

you, I'll talk to you later. I

25:59

love you, bye. Bye.

26:00

Yep, told ya,

26:02

I'm not lyin'. And Cory, who did

26:04

not go to my high school, corny him to school in Upland,

26:06

California, and he said he had him in his high school too.

26:09

So this must be a California thing, a California cookie

26:11

thing. So my obsession with cookies has clearly

26:13

lasted my whole life because I used to make cookies when I was

26:15

a little girl with my mom, like very, very, very little. I

26:18

have pictures of me like two years old sitting on the counter making cookies

26:20

with my mom. And in high school, they helped my

26:22

cookie addiction.

26:23

I got one every day for 75 cents. And

26:26

I remember actually being 50 cents and then they upped the prices

26:28

to 75. Why did this come up? I

26:31

don't know, but we should go to our first break. Are

26:33

we going to talk

26:33

about who we think needs to relax? Oh,

26:35

maybe we should do that too. Anyway, well,

26:38

I already said you need to relax by not cleaning the straws,

26:40

but I have more. Anyway, let's say thanks to our first sponsor.

26:44

This show is sponsored

26:47

by BetterHelp. That's right. This

26:50

beautiful episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

26:53

And guys, you know what? I'm always

26:56

learning new things about myself. Like today I learned

26:59

I don't love McDonald's Coke as much as I thought

27:01

that I did. Because if

27:03

I did I would know the difference between McDonald's

27:05

Coke and other Cokes.

27:07

That's what I would say about you. You're a student of life.

27:10

Yes. And you wanna learn about yourself and the

27:13

world? I'm always learning. We

27:15

all as a community of human beings are hopefully

27:17

always learning. But that's obviously

27:20

a silly thing. My favorite things that I've

27:22

learned about myself in life I've learned through

27:24

therapy.

27:27

We love therapy. You talk

27:29

a lot about therapy. I do because I think it's

27:31

wonderful. I really love therapy. Most

27:33

sentences you start, hey, I saw this thing on TikTok, or

27:35

you know what I was talking about in therapy? Right. That's

27:38

pretty much how you start any sentence you ever

27:40

say to me.

27:40

Yeah, or I'm ordering fast food. What

27:43

do you want? OK, there's three things. Yeah. So

27:46

anyway, guys, I want

27:48

to talk about better help here today.

27:51

I love therapy, as you guys know. This is no

27:53

surprise to any of you. It has helped me so

27:55

much in my life. It's helped me to be a better

27:57

communicator and not only like.

28:00

relationships like with my hubby

28:02

hubs but also my friends and

28:04

with my parents my siblings

28:07

my every my cats my children

28:10

a therapy is a

28:12

wonderful wonderful thing so that is why

28:14

I love it and you might love it too

28:16

getting to know yourself can be a lifelong process

28:19

especially because we're always growing and

28:21

changing hopefully

28:22

for the good hopefully people are always growing and changing

28:24

for the better I'm always trying

28:27

to grow and change for the better While

28:29

I still make mistakes,

28:31

I do try to always be better. And

28:34

therapy is a great way to help. I think that's true. Yeah.

28:37

Therapy is all about deepening your self-awareness and

28:39

understanding, because sometimes we don't know what

28:41

we want or why we react the way we do until we

28:43

talk through things. BetterHelp connects

28:45

you with a licensed therapist who can take you on that

28:47

journey of self-discovery from wherever you

28:49

are. Therapy has helped me so much, and

28:52

if you guys wanna try it out, and you're thinking about

28:54

getting started, you could try out BetterHelp.

28:57

It is definitely an option for you. It's one

28:59

way, there's lots of ways, but BetterHelp is definitely an

29:01

option if you wanna check it out.

29:04

It's entirely online. It's designed

29:06

to be convenient, flexible, and

29:08

suited to your schedule. You just fill

29:10

out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed

29:13

therapist, and you can switch therapists any

29:15

time for no additional charge.

29:17

Discover your potential with BetterHelp.

29:19

Visit betterhelp.com

29:22

slash relax with me today to

29:24

get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com

29:29

slash relax with me. Lovey,

29:32

I have a relax. Do you want me to go? Mine'll be quick,

29:34

because you probably won't want to elaborate on it, but do you want to go first?

29:38

Uh, I don't, yeah, I'll go with

29:40

my relax after you, but

29:42

the way that it smells in here right now.

29:44

Yeah, it's a lot of fast food and chickens.

29:47

With three different bags of fast food and premature

29:51

chickens. Yeah. By the way,

29:53

sorry we still haven't fixed our microphones. We

29:56

are both not audio engineers

29:58

or tech people.

30:00

and I

30:02

have tried and I don't know how to fix our microphone

30:04

situation, I need to like hire

30:06

someone to come look at them. So we're still on our little tiny

30:08

microphones on our couch, but I actually really

30:11

like this set up because I like being next to you and like snugging

30:13

on you. So like, it makes

30:13

me really happy. I call them cuddle-soads. Cuddle-soads,

30:16

that's cute. Okay, my

30:19

relax, I have so many things I could say, but

30:22

I'm just gonna go with the most recent thing

30:24

that felt

30:25

I needed to relax. Okay.

30:28

Lay it on me. The new season of Love is

30:30

Blind came out. This is very niche,

30:32

so you'll only know what I'm talking about or care if you watch

30:35

Love is Blind, which

30:36

I love the show that's blind. A lot of these

30:38

shows are the same, so maybe it's relatable

30:42

outside of that world. Well, on

30:44

the show, I don't like

30:46

to speak ill of anyone, especially

30:48

on a reality show, because they can edit you

30:50

look any kind of way. I know this from

30:53

experience, I know this as an editor.

30:55

I know a friend who edited on a reality

30:57

show, yes they can. They can literally make

31:01

a lunch with your mom where

31:03

you just talk about the

31:05

weather, look like a fight

31:07

with your boyfriend, and it's

31:09

crazy. And you're a Nazi,

31:11

yes. It's insane

31:13

what they can make you look like. Context.

31:17

I have been watching Love is Blind, the

31:19

new season came out, and who I think needs

31:22

to relax, I'm hoping

31:24

it's just editing, but I don't see how

31:26

it could be. There's two girls on the show who are

31:28

so mean. They're so

31:31

mean. I don't remember the

31:33

last time I watched a show,

31:35

reality show, and was like, oh

31:37

my God, these people are so mean. Yeah,

31:40

I was passively listening, and I know

31:42

the moment you're talking about

31:45

in that show, and it seemed kind of

31:47

mean. Yeah, and I'm hoping

31:49

it's just editing or something.

31:50

I don't know, but like,

31:52

basically. But knowing that

31:53

industry, I'm sure they aren't. But

31:57

I know a lot of reality stars. And there are a lot, I

31:59

can no. There's so many lovely people who are reality stars. But I'm

32:01

just saying, that edit, it just looked like,

32:04

it's all suspicious to me. So,

32:06

Love Is Brand is a- It's not reality, is it? We haven't

32:08

learned this in 20 years of reality.

32:11

Of quote unquote reality. Sure. Reality

32:13

television, yeah. Reality is not reality, obviously, but

32:15

not all reality is scripted, first of all. And

32:18

yes, while they can edit it to make any look at

32:20

it in any sort of way, they're still human beings. They're still

32:22

people being

32:23

either themselves or a character they're playing or whatever, but anyway.

32:26

I'm not saying

32:26

it's scripted, but I'm saying, You

32:29

put people and you say, hey, we're gonna put you in pods

32:32

and you're gonna not see this

32:34

person and you're gonna talk and they're like, and

32:37

then you're gonna get married within weeks. I'm

32:39

not saying it's scripted, but I'm saying it's

32:42

illogical to the point of farce. I

32:46

don't think anyone watches that and believes they're

32:50

truly falling in love, they're

32:52

truly making a connection for genuine

32:54

reasons, they're actually then gonna be in love,

32:57

then they're gonna be married.

32:58

I think some people think that. Has

33:00

that happened? Yeah. There's been

33:02

a couple that's still together. What season of Love is Blind

33:04

is this? One. Season one, there is a couple

33:07

that is still together,

33:08

married and been together years.

33:10

So out of how many couples, how many seasons

33:12

is that? Four seasons. Well,

33:15

I don't know how many couples are still together. I

33:17

just know that there is a couple that's strong and has

33:19

been strong the entire time. There's another couple that's

33:21

married still. I know,

33:23

but they're not like the fan favorite one

33:25

is the one I'm thinking of. But I don't even know their names.

33:27

I feel like I know who you're talking about, yeah. Anyway,

33:31

so the show's, yeah, you talk to someone behind

33:33

a wall, you don't get to see them, and you have to decide if you're

33:35

in love with them, and then you can't meet

33:37

the person face-to-face unless you say, like, I'll marry

33:39

you, like, basically. And

33:41

anyway, people get their hearts broken,

33:44

and they get upset, and whatever. And there were girls who were crying,

33:46

and getting their heart broken, and getting broken up with, and there's

33:48

these two girls who were laughing at them, spying

33:50

on them, like, they're so mean, and

33:53

I just, I couldn't believe it. And

33:55

last night, I was like, this is, It was like, it

33:57

wasn't even like, Oh my gosh, this is catty funny.

34:00

for like reality TV. It was like

34:02

uncomfortable to watch. It made me sad. But

34:04

I think a lot of those shows, they like, there's

34:07

the edit obviously, but there's also like,

34:09

they, I feel like there are producers

34:11

of these kind of shows that want those kinds

34:14

of moments. And so they use things

34:17

like available alcohol, et cetera. True,

34:21

but. And then edit, and then yeah, and then, and

34:24

people that are kind of a messy mess, and

34:26

then it. true but

34:29

I do feel like

34:31

there is I know what you're saying and I've

34:33

seen a lot of reality TV where someone's like mean or catty

34:35

and it's like kind of funny you're gonna like yeah it's kind of

34:37

and you know it wasn't funny

34:39

it was like it was like painful it was like really

34:42

sad to watch anyway this is so niche that it's not

34:44

very good relaxed is not relatable at all but I don't

34:46

watch because I just watched it I don't watch love

34:48

is blind unless like it's like how

34:51

I could be next to you and it's what we're watching

34:53

you know but I will say that none

34:56

of it is like aw, like

34:58

I feel like it's all kind of...

35:00

Yeah, but it's usually like funny, you

35:02

know? And that just wasn't funny to

35:04

me. But not funny ha ha, like

35:06

it's... Funny like this

35:08

is wild. It just seems like a disingenuine

35:10

character study of people, I don't

35:14

know these people, but like they've

35:16

submitted to a television program

35:19

to try and find someone, and

35:21

maybe there is some,

35:23

a percentage of people that are genuine in that.

35:26

But I think that is minute. I

35:29

don't know. But anyway, that's why I think

35:32

it's relaxed. It has to be, like, because it's, no.

35:35

Maybe, maybe not. Who needs to relax for you, lovey? There's

35:37

so, oh, I should have said something else. Dang it.

35:40

What was it? I don't like. Go two for

35:42

two. No, I want to know yours, but mine's longer, so

35:44

maybe I have to save it, but like, go ahead. I just

35:46

got a quick one. Okay, yeah, let's do yours. Do you buy

35:48

things from ads that

35:50

you see on social media sites where

35:53

you're not shopping, but there are

35:55

things and then you feel like impulsively have

35:57

to buy them. Yes. And are these companies?

36:00

have names that are the most insane things you've

36:02

ever heard in your life. Not sponsors

36:04

of this podcast, but you're

36:06

like, I need that sweater from Shades

36:09

of

36:10

Night. It's never clothes. I've-

36:13

It's not clothes. No. Bubble machines.

36:16

Yeah, except for the kids. It'll be toys

36:19

that I think they'll like or- It's never clothes?

36:21

I feel like you get clothes- Clothes for the kids.

36:24

But clothes for you too, sometimes.

36:26

Never from an ad on social media, no. I

36:30

think sometimes they show me stuff like sometimes

36:33

I'll see like sparkly dresses and ads because

36:35

I shop for sparkly dresses a lot and sparkly clothes

36:37

for my tours, but like I Know

36:40

I don't I don't when was last time I bought real person

36:43

clothes like I don't buy

36:45

real people clothes I buy like sparkly clothes for tour That's

36:48

kind of and then you do and you don't I yeah, I

36:50

don't know I

36:52

I'm a guy Correct.

36:55

Um straight guy and I buy and

36:57

I buy clothes And I'm and

36:59

I feel like that's surprising to

37:01

people sometimes that you buy clothes Yeah,

37:04

there's and maybe that there's thought into

37:06

that What's that about

37:09

that's called internalized misogyny.

37:12

Yeah, maybe I

37:13

is that make me bad

37:15

Not you from other people like if other

37:17

people are surprised that like a man

37:20

Like a cis straight man would like want to like and

37:23

I'm not saying there's a nicely like

37:25

that would be yeah If you were to be made fun

37:27

of for that or people were shocked by that or thought that was weird

37:29

I'm fine.

37:29

It's just like oh you likes you're

37:32

a Style person

37:34

like like I look at this like I

37:36

don't know like I feel like I like in

37:38

the community of people that we know

37:41

it's like It's wives

37:43

and husbands. You know what I mean and that and like

37:45

am I like the What

37:49

because people have said to me like oh look like I bought

37:51

my husband this mm-hmm

37:54

don't you appreciate that because you're a style

37:56

person but I don't feel like I'm a style

37:58

person I just like You're

38:01

good at fashion. I don't think

38:03

I am, first of all. I think you are. But

38:05

like, these are things, you

38:07

know, we can't walk around naked, can we? That's

38:10

illegal, I think. But

38:14

so like, I buy myself clothes.

38:16

And I've just always thought about like, sometimes you

38:18

like buy yourself clothes and you buy yourself clothes that

38:20

you feel

38:21

comfortable and confident

38:23

in. Do other guys

38:25

not do that? They just don't. No, lots

38:27

of guys do that. I don't know. I just,

38:30

I think you're

38:32

good at it. It's, yeah, I do, but I don't think it, no,

38:35

I take it back. I don't think that is, what is. Some

38:37

of your friends that are actual

38:40

style people, I'm not like that. Here's the

38:42

deal. What I said earlier about the internalized misogyny thing,

38:44

that's if someone were to make fun of you

38:47

or think you're weird for caring about

38:49

your style, then that would be internalized misogyny. But

38:51

people complimenting or being impressed

38:53

by your style, that's not, that's

38:55

just. Certainly

38:55

not now, I'm wearing literal pajamas if

38:58

you're watching this. But I

39:00

think, no, you have

39:02

an eye for it. Like you have an eye

39:04

for like what looks good, what looks cool.

39:07

And you're good at that. But I'm not trying to look cool.

39:10

Because you're saying, oh, well some people like they don't care. And

39:12

I feel like there's a careless style that I feel

39:14

like would be

39:16

better. You know what I mean? But like it's,

39:18

so there is care. But it's just like,

39:21

but that's because that's the clothes that I put

39:23

on my body. You know, I don't know. I don't

39:25

know what you just said. When there's, didn't

39:27

make any sense. about caring about clothes but you

39:29

don't care but you do care. Wait I don't care what you said.

39:32

Well I have to buy it. My

39:34

mom isn't shopping for me anymore. I'm not seven.

39:36

Yeah you have to buy your clothes. You know what I mean and then this

39:38

is how I present myself to the world. And

39:41

I feel like in certain instances

39:43

I've felt been made to feel

39:45

like oh nobody else no other

39:48

at

39:49

least straight guys like concerned

39:52

about buying themselves clothes

39:55

but everybody else does right like

39:57

they have to at some point. People buy

39:59

themselves because... Well, I feel like I

40:02

buy myself clothes, but I don't care.

40:05

I don't really care, typically. I'm usually

40:08

in leggings in a baggy shirt or a baggy

40:10

sweatshirt. Or on the loose. Yeah, certainly. But

40:12

when it comes to your

40:15

shows or your meet and greets, I

40:17

feel like you're very concerned about how you present yourself

40:19

in mountains. Because I don't know.

40:21

Because I don't know what looks good, what looks cool. I

40:23

don't understand. Whereas I feel like you do have an understanding

40:26

of like, oh, that's cool. That looks good. No idea. I

40:28

always go

40:29

to the F-5. But I have no idea you

40:31

do have an idea and I don't think nothing I

40:33

know I think you have an eye for it I think just so in the same

40:35

way that some people like have an eye for like oh in

40:38

your living room You should have a blue couch with

40:40

this specific rug like they have an eye for like interior

40:42

design people have an eye for like You

40:45

know

40:46

Lots of different things like what kind

40:48

of makeup I should put on their face I'm bringing this you have

40:50

a good eye you have a good eye for that's completely lost It's

40:52

not true good that you would say

40:54

that to me, but I'm completely lost that can't be true

40:57

because I'm at it Oh your phone Eric's

40:59

getting a phone call at 10 in the

41:01

evening mommy called

41:03

I should put it on silent when we

41:05

record It

41:08

is uh I

41:10

Didn't mean for that to be my relaxed, but I think

41:13

it's more of like a general

41:14

you relaxes that you're good at fashion No,

41:16

I was talking about how like when you it

41:18

started because like a lot of

41:21

the I have a

41:24

limited amount of social media and

41:26

which I thought it was seeing my friends and my friends

41:28

families and there are I don't know Lives

41:31

and accomplishments and and as slices

41:34

of daily life and now it's turned into ads

41:36

for clothes Yeah on Instagram, you know what I mean? Um, and

41:39

I sometimes buy those things and I'm like,

41:41

wait what like because I just feel like I

41:44

don't have any impulse control. No, no,

41:46

and so that happens and then I'm like

41:49

it's not and it's not like it's not like the gap

41:51

it's like

41:53

Shades of skulls like you know what I mean? It's like

41:55

a company you've never heard of and it's like are

41:57

all these people making clothes Like

41:59

how are they?

44:00

They're all, it's all scary. There's a lot

44:02

of crazy stuff happening in our country right now. But

44:04

honestly, can I tell you what my other relax was

44:06

I was gonna say?

44:07

That was much better than the one I just had. Of course,

44:10

I will try and understand. It's

44:12

the crazy, horrendous

44:17

law that was just passed in Tennessee. And

44:20

they're trying to get passed now in Texas. And

44:23

I'm sure other states will follow suit. But like,

44:25

everyone's, this is, I'm just gonna, I'm not gonna

44:27

go on this too long because this isn't a political

44:29

podcast. I don't know if you know this or not. And

44:32

no one wants, I doubt anyone out there even cares

44:34

or wants to know my opinion on anything. Polygamy

44:36

podcast? Polygamy? Oh, I would

44:38

love to listen to a Polygamy podcast. We can talk

44:41

about polygamy.

44:42

Not like for us. I mean, no. The

44:46

way you said it was like. No, I meant like as an

44:48

impression of like. No, no, like

44:50

talking about polygamy as like a topic.

44:53

As like a documentary you saw once? Yes,

44:55

once. I've seen many Polygamy

44:57

documentaries. I would be totally down to talk about that.

44:59

And in fact, speaking of Teenie, who we called earlier, if

45:02

we ever talked about that, she would need to be

45:04

here. She's obsessed. Anyway,

45:08

that's not what I said. But,

45:10

you know, I was talking about politics. Like, people

45:12

probably really don't care about my opinion

45:15

on anything. So I'm just

45:17

gonna say this quickly and we can move on, but

45:19

this is who I think needs to relax, is this insane law.

45:22

Because if you haven't been paying attention too much,

45:25

you might know just the basics, which is like drag

45:27

shows are getting

45:30

banned and you know, whatever, you know, that's kind

45:32

of like the quick, oh, I heard drag shows are getting

45:34

banned over. But that is not what the law

45:36

says. And what the law says is terrifying.

45:38

It's really scary because essentially

45:41

it says like, you

45:45

cannot

45:46

impersonate

45:48

a man or a woman like in public

45:51

where a minor could see. Like, so

45:54

it doesn't say drag shows. It doesn't say drag queens.

45:57

It says

45:58

you cannot impersonate and it doesn't say.

47:50

cut

48:00

my cut that I said I don't care I'm

48:02

not I'm trying to busting your balls I'm saying cuz I'm going

48:04

to Tennessee and that's where this law passed and

48:06

what's obviously on your mind what's crazy well

48:09

what the reason is on my mind and what's crazy to me

48:11

is that

48:13

what I do for a living on

48:15

tour is play a character

48:18

who is not me it's a it's a character

48:20

with a different name a stage name

48:22

who wears lots of makeup who wears

48:24

sparkly clothes who sings dances

48:26

lip syncs comedy says things

48:29

sometimes as humor and

48:33

This is my show I have been compared

48:35

to drag queens and drag shows my entire

48:37

career because I was very influenced by drag queens

48:39

at the beginning of my career and so

48:42

It's upsetting to me that

48:45

like I can go I

48:47

mean, it's upsetting for a billion reasons

48:49

like mostly for the safety of human

48:51

beings and you

48:53

know

48:54

just for for the obvious

48:56

reasons, but it's

48:58

so twisted that I'm

49:00

allowed to go and do this, and

49:03

other people can't. It's essentially, because a

49:05

Miranda show, to me, is

49:07

very similar to a drag show. It's a

49:09

performance art where I play

49:12

a character, and I have always been compared to

49:14

that, and that was such a big influence

49:16

on me in the beginning of my career as a drag show. So it's

49:19

so wild that that got passed, And

49:21

it's so, and you know, drag shows

49:23

are still

49:25

able to happen, they just can't happen in public

49:27

and they're gonna be like 21 and over. And like, what if they, like

49:30

Drag Queen's now, what, they can't walk from their car to the venue?

49:33

Like, that, because that's in public? Like, it's like all, it's

49:35

like scary. Like, I'd be so scared for these

49:37

people who,

49:38

anyway. Yeah, and thanks for talking about it. And if you're

49:40

in one of those places and you happen

49:43

to be listening to this, where

49:46

we love you. Yeah, it's. Your

49:49

side and that's, and you're our family

49:51

and that's crazy and...

49:52

Well, yeah, and I only wanted to speak

49:55

on it because I feel like a lot of people just think like, oh, it's

49:58

drag shows are getting banned or something, but like it's.

52:00

I don't know how many drag shows these people

52:02

have been to because they can be if you go to the 21 over

52:06

a bar late night drag show sure they

52:08

can be very sexual about I've been plenty

52:10

of drag shows where there's Nothing sexual about them

52:12

all at all. They're just performers who are talented

52:14

at dancing or singing or lip-sing or whatever but

52:17

also

52:18

It's so weird because there's so many public events

52:20

where like hello. Have you ever seen a cheerleader

52:22

in? At a football game.

52:24

I

52:24

mean there's everywhere there's public events

52:26

where there's something that's like, there's

52:28

some kind of sexual dancing or overly sexualized

52:32

thing, but it's just that since that's like, you

52:34

know,

52:35

you

52:37

know what I'm saying? Like it's just very bizarre. Yeah, walk

52:39

with your kid from your, the parking

52:42

garage to your hotel room in Las Vegas. Like,

52:44

I don't know, like what do you mean? Like it's,

52:46

there's more, like obviously, there's things

52:48

that are politically like, I

52:50

guess, advantageous for certain people to

52:52

talk about and make a stand for because it helps

52:54

them in some certain way. And then there's the reality

52:57

of the world that the rest of us are living in. And

52:59

it just seems like is this, it just seems like

53:01

you're hurting people to

53:04

hurt people because you like to hurt people and

53:06

also you know that will make a certain amount of

53:08

other horrible people like you because you're hurting the

53:10

people that they also want to hurt. But

53:14

like I don't,

53:15

that's, it's probably very ignorant of me

53:17

to say and

53:18

not helpful. It

53:21

just seems obvious.

53:23

I think ignorant is a great word to

53:25

bring up because

53:28

I am someone who

53:30

I've been on the other side of it. I

53:33

see it from a view of like, sure, maybe that's true,

53:35

but also I think there's a lot of like,

53:38

they don't know.

53:39

It's like, you know, the whole TikTok thing, I felt

53:41

like a lot of people talking about it, where they didn't even know what

53:43

TikTok was, the people are talking about banning it, they

53:45

don't even understand what the app is. It's the same with this.

53:47

I feel like they don't even know what a drag queen is, what a

53:49

drag show is, what these people do. met

53:52

a direct mean they've never met a gay person like because

53:54

the only reason I said is because I've had negative

53:57

views in the past because of what I was taught and

53:59

what was...

54:00

was indoctrinated into me of

54:02

like, I thought it was wrong

54:04

to be gay for a long time. And

54:07

I had to learn and change from that. And so

54:09

I see that like, I

54:12

have a little bit of empathy in the sense of like,

54:16

do they just, have they just never met these people? I

54:18

just don't, I just, I don't wanna believe

54:20

that it's just really mean, awful people

54:22

who just don't like people just to not like them. That's like

54:24

so I'm

54:25

making it so much. I certainly don't mean everyone or anyone.

54:27

I don't know, I can see how like there can, Because

54:30

these people make,

54:32

but there are people in charge who

54:35

are making these stands that

54:37

do know better.

54:38

Yes. And they're taking advantage of people that

54:40

are confused maybe,

54:43

or aren't as educated, or don't know

54:45

people like this, you know what I mean? And,

54:48

but I think if you're an elected official

54:51

that was put in a position to govern

54:54

our country to make the lives better of people,

54:57

and instead you

54:59

focus on bullet hate

55:01

points to rile people up,

55:04

like that you are

55:06

in the wrong job. Because

55:14

we ate three different kinds of fries and there is

55:16

one, and I'm not gonna name them, but they should not

55:18

be making fries.

55:21

Cheeseburgers, there is certainly one of those

55:23

three cheeseburgers that should not exist.

55:26

But some people. But two of them should for

55:29

specific. But here's the deal love. The

55:31

fries that we think are the worst are

55:33

someone's favorite. That's

55:36

fair enough, but they're not making their,

55:39

like they're not

55:41

becoming, I

55:43

don't wanna say celebrity, but like a known person.

55:45

These

55:45

people aren't, they're personalities.

55:47

They're not governors. They're not,

55:50

governors isn't the right word. They're not like, and

55:52

politicians isn't even the right word. These are people,

55:56

they're public personalities. But

55:59

for some