0:00

This is a Headgum original.

0:06

I need to blow my nose.

0:08

It is With the bustling holiday

0:10

season just around the corner,

0:12

it's the perfect time to plan ahead

0:14

with factor, a ready to eat

0:16

meal delivery service. They shop,

0:19

prep, cook, and deliver to your door so

0:21

that you can enjoy chef crafted dietitian approved

0:23

meals during the holidays minus the assle.

0:26

Perfect for when you have COVID like

0:28

Riley right now during this ad read.

0:31

Plus, with thirty four meals per week

0:33

including gourmet plus Keto,

0:35

calorie smart, vegan, and veggie,

0:37

and thirty six weekly additional add

0:39

ons you'll have plenty of nutritious, flavorful

0:41

options to choose from. The

0:43

holidays are already jam packed. Luckily,

0:46

factors fresh, never frozen meals

0:48

make it easy to fuel up fast when I'm

0:50

on the go. And also, it

0:52

saves me time with meals delivered

0:55

ready to heat and eat in just

0:57

two minutes. Factors cheaper than dining out.

0:59

Put the money you save towards holiday fun

1:01

and you time. And thanks to factors

1:04

commitment to ingredients with you can enjoy

1:06

flavorful chef crafted meals, guilt,

1:09

Free. Factors no prep, no

1:11

meal

1:13

Factors no prep, no mass meals

1:15

saved me so much time on planning and clean up so

1:17

I can fully enjoy the holidays of that waste hours

1:19

in the kitchen. I don't like prep

1:21

or cleanup. And factor helps me out

1:24

during the week when I don't need to

1:26

spend two hours cooking something. I can just spend

1:28

two minutes cooking something and

1:30

have flavorful

1:31

for

1:32

John's Factors has everything I need for

1:34

a week of flavorful nutritional eats in addition

1:36

to ready to eat meals. They also have cold pressed

1:38

juices, smoothies, energy bites, extra protein,

1:41

options, veggie sides, and more

1:43

to help me keep me energized during

1:45

frantic holiday times. I've been really enjoying

1:47

those smoothies recently, I have to say.

1:49

So I had to go dot Factors seventy

1:51

five dot com slash review review sixty

1:54

and use code. Review review sixty

1:56

to get sixty percent off your first

1:58

box. That's the best offer any sponsors

2:00

ever given. That's code review review sixty

2:02

at go dot factor seventy five dot com

2:04

slash review review sixty again to get sixty

2:06

percent off your first box. Thanks

2:09

factor.

2:12

This is a head gum original theme song.

2:19

This zombie belongs to

2:21

Riley and

2:23

Jim. Oh, you can't

2:26

going fuck

2:28

yourself. I

2:36

just wanna run. Sorry.

2:42

Too weird. You got a photo. No.

2:44

I to Riley and Jeb,

2:46

da

2:47

da da da. You can

2:49

fuck yourself.

2:50

Yeah.

2:53

Which is yeah. We came up with

2:55

the second part. That was

2:57

Andrew. I also known as Carrot

2:59

Snatch. He sent in a couple theme songs.

3:02

This email, I gotta say Andrew, is, like, five

3:04

paragraphs long. I'm not reading any of this. Oh,

3:07

god. That's And you kind of phoned in that theme

3:10

I'm sorry to say.

3:11

No. But the beginning really got me.

3:13

I thought you it was like that this is a Headgum

3:15

original theme song that was good.

3:17

Yeah. Faked me out. Faked me out to

3:19

the theater. I mean, listen. And then everything after that

3:21

was bad. I

3:22

thought it was brilliant. It's straight to the

3:24

point. We don't need anything more than the song

3:26

longs for Riley and Jeff, you can go fuck yourself.

3:29

I just want her. And

3:31

you're not wrong. It's that I mean,

3:33

let me screen share how long

3:35

this email is.

3:37

Yeah. I know this is so long.

3:40

No.

3:40

Of course. I'm not

3:41

But thank you. You really appreciate it. But thank you so

3:43

much.

3:44

Thank you so much. Jeff's ungrateful

3:46

as hell, but, like, I'm so happy you sent

3:48

that and the email you sent.

3:49

I just I think is great. Compared

3:51

to his prior work, it doesn't

3:53

stand the test of time or the test

3:55

of Andrew. You know

3:57

what I mean? Jeff, it's seven fifteen PM. I

3:59

feel like whenever we do a nighttime record,

4:01

it's crazy.

4:02

I feel it's crazy.

4:03

The wolves come out. The wolves

4:05

come out and the dogs are barking.

4:07

Our feet are up and they are

4:09

really hurt. thing?

4:11

Years aren't. Mine are fine. No. I'm saying,

4:13

like, the wolves come out and the dogs are barking.

4:15

You said that so you're not saying, oh, I'm just saying this and

4:17

then you repeat exactly you just said twenty

4:19

seconds ago. No. All I'm saying is, like,

4:21

basically The wolves don't have the dogs.

4:23

Right? The wolves are already

4:25

out. And then the dogs are

4:27

barking.

4:28

So still what I said.

4:30

Feed up their hurting.

4:32

He said that again.

4:34

None of this is new information. None

4:37

of it. But it makes sense I thought you just needed

4:39

to hear it again. There's sometimes there's no delay.

4:41

Because I

4:45

I

4:45

haven't really been on my feet too much today, so my feet

4:47

aren't hurting. But if you're there, that's fine. I have a

4:49

tongue yolk because I ate my dinner way too

4:51

fast. Yeah.

4:52

And your dinner was Daniel's grown

4:54

up. It was past and a

4:56

beet salad. Okay.

4:58

How many

4:59

beets? really good. How

5:00

many beets?

5:01

Yeah. Four or I

5:03

mean, they were cut in half, so probably had, like,

5:05

five halves.

5:07

Okay. So two and a half beats? Probably

5:09

two and a half beats. Yeah. Does

5:12

that change things for you?

5:13

III think

5:16

because there's only two and a half, then I don't know if the

5:18

wolves are out. Yes. because usually

5:20

four is I

5:21

thought they were already out. And what's their

5:23

part? On how many beats are eaten?

5:25

Beets are in a salad. Yeah. Okay.

5:28

Does that

5:29

make sense?

5:30

No. How is your day?

5:33

Long. How's your

5:35

day? sore.

5:36

My dogs aren't barking, I

5:39

guess, because the wolves aren't even out. There's

5:41

only two and a half beats.

5:43

None of this is what I thought it was originally,

5:46

and I said it's so confusing. So now my face is

5:48

red. The dogs are absolutely

5:50

not dark. Red.

5:50

So that's that's that compares half a beat. So

5:52

that's three beats. Okay.

5:54

So three beats, that's no not four. The wolves

5:56

are not out Yeah. They need

5:57

another beat. Jacob

6:00

beat. Then

6:01

we got the Ford. It it has to be the

6:04

root that that's the

6:06

only thing that has to

6:08

be. There could even be three beats,

6:10

but it has to be three of the vegetables.

6:12

Does that

6:13

make sense? No. for the dogs to be barking.

6:15

With with the dogs barking is dependent

6:17

on the wolves coming out. Yes. Let me finish.

6:19

The wolves have to be up before the dogs can

6:21

bark. And then if the

6:23

dogs are barking, that means you wanna put your seat up because

6:25

they hurt.

6:26

If the dogs aren't barking,

6:29

but it's fine. It's better, actually, the

6:31

wolves aren't out. Why would you

6:33

want them to come out of your heat again

6:35

in the air? I agree. I'm just saying,

6:37

let's

6:37

fucking get our ducks in a row. Me.

6:39

I would've used it in the south.

6:40

I don't know. Daniel and

6:42

I split it.

6:43

Okay. Oh, so there were five beats. Probably

6:46

five beats total. I would've Then the wolves

6:48

are already out in. That's fine. And my

6:50

dogs are barking. My feet are up because they

6:52

hurt because the dogs They're not up. You know what I

6:54

mean? My dogs are barking. See. Because the

6:56

wolves are already out. because of the

6:58

five beads.

7:02

Unless Daniel ate a

7:04

drum loop. What?

7:07

It one of the beats was,

7:09

like you know what I mean? Then it doesn't count.

7:11

And the wolves are not They were all root vegetable

7:13

beats.

7:13

Okay. And you

7:15

think there were five if you split?

7:18

I'm guessing based on the

7:20

You asked Daniel. I've never done this.

7:23

He's in a meeting right now. He's in a

7:25

minute. seven. Who takes a meeting at seven?

7:27

It's like it's like a it's like a workshop.

7:29

Okay.

7:30

I'm gonna imagine that since I had half

7:32

of the container, we got take up I'm gonna just

7:34

I had half the container. Okay. And I

7:36

had roughly two and a half beats worth of

7:38

salad, and he took his other half before

7:40

me. He took the other half before I did.

7:42

Okay. So he let me just run you through a

7:44

hypothetical here. There's a world in which

7:47

he's not as selfless as you

7:49

think he is, and he took three and a half

7:51

beats. We know

7:52

there was a half, so we know he cut one and a half,

7:55

which means No. No. No. They were Or to

7:57

suggest These

7:57

the beats came cut in half. They

7:59

were half.

7:59

Oh, yes. then

8:01

there's a world where there are, like, nine beats,

8:03

in which case the dogs are definitely

8:06

barking because the wild was already wild.

8:08

Sorry. There's

8:11

how many of these.

8:12

Sorry. There's how many no. Let me finish it.

8:14

Maybe I'm not Let me

8:15

because how many beats there

8:17

aren't correlate to how long

8:19

the lows of it. I thought it was just like, oh, at a

8:21

certain point, they're allowed to come out. that it's

8:23

like, oh, they're lying. They've been out for a while.

8:25

The

8:26

more beats there are the earlier the wolves

8:28

came out. I'm

8:30

sorry if I wasn't clear about that. I

8:33

just We were going back forth between there was

8:35

two and a half or maybe four. Now

8:37

we're talking about nine. I'm like, okay, then there

8:39

are different parameters. So how long

8:41

ago? There's nine. I don't know when

8:43

you ordered the meal. We ordered

8:45

it at, like,

8:46

five thirty.

8:47

Okay. Then that means they probably like, five,

8:49

five fifteen. k. Well, let me ask you this. Did John you

8:52

got it from John and Minis. Does John and Minis

8:54

pre make their beet salads? because that'll

8:57

give answer. What do you

8:57

mean do they it came made to

9:00

us. Made to you, but it's made to

9:02

order. I don't

9:04

know. We ordered the beet

9:06

salad. I

9:06

assume that every time someone orders

9:09

it,

9:09

they start to make it happen. It's cold.

9:11

It's cold that it might be pruning.

9:14

Okay. Now I'm sorry. We're here to talk about

9:16

fire fire fire fire. We could

9:20

In which case, my dogs have embarked working

9:22

also maybe for up to a year,

9:24

and my feet have not been up the whole

9:26

time.

9:28

And that's a I'm not Infinity. This

9:32

and this could go on for infinity's

9:34

scarred. Tariffs. Yeah.

9:36

Jeff talked to me about them. I've been

9:38

dying your thoughts on the Infinity

9:40

scarves. I've never had war.

9:42

I don't know if I've ever even worn

9:44

one.

9:45

Crazy. You never

9:46

had warring. I don't think So maybe

9:48

I put someone else's on, but I never owned one.

9:50

I never wore

9:50

one. You never wore wait. When would

9:52

I own it? I thought you meant maybe you

9:55

put one on another person like you you

9:57

I know. Yeah. United them

9:59

with an

9:59

infinity Scarves? Yes.

10:02

I

10:02

assume you wore a lot of infinity

10:04

scar from, like, fifth to eighth

10:06

grade.

10:07

Longer. I

10:08

went to college in Boston, mind you.

10:11

You wore them in

10:14

college, I

10:14

probably wore them well, I went to college

10:17

twenty

10:17

fourteen to twenty eighteen. Uh-huh.

10:19

So I probably wore them. Probably

10:21

only the first two years. I don't imagine the first

10:23

years, twenty fourteen and fifteen, I was wearing

10:25

them in college. Okay.

10:29

And I was in

10:31

in scarf girl.

10:33

Yeah. I un unabashedly,

10:36

I fucking loved it

10:38

Infinity

10:39

scarf. I mean, it was

10:41

cool for a minute. Like, now we don't think

10:43

they're cool, but at the time, it was awesome.

10:45

Now they don't look cool.

10:47

But, like, my god. And

10:49

I

10:49

see, like, people mocking this fit on TikTok

10:52

a lot, but I'm, like, you don't understand

10:54

the power of

10:56

Guinea Jeans,

10:58

riding boots --

10:59

Oh. -- jacket,

11:02

Infinity scarf -- Yeah. -- top bun,

11:04

top knot bun. Sure.

11:06

messy pieces coming out the front.

11:08

That was it. That

11:10

is Elite. That

11:11

is an Elite

11:13

outfit. Now it

11:15

looks incredibly dated.

11:17

It's shocking. How only in a few

11:19

years?

11:19

How something like that? can

11:22

be so wrong

11:22

at. If you still like wearing a more

11:25

power to you, I think I think

11:27

they're great.

11:28

because

11:31

then you saw that? Yeah. There's

11:34

just other things. What

11:36

do you Oh. There's other

11:38

things to wear than that.

11:39

So not more power necessarily

11:42

to you,

11:43

unless I think

11:46

they'll come back. The dogs are yeah.

11:48

I Infinity Scarves, I don't know when.

11:50

I think they're in a I think thirty years.

11:52

I think if we have kids or our But I

11:54

think Our generation's kids generation is

11:56

gonna wear Infinity I

11:57

think I think they'll definitely come back and I

11:59

will be so excited

12:02

when they do. I'm glad

12:03

you rounded it out with a top knot instead

12:06

of a ponytail. pony

12:08

high ponytails don't really look good on

12:10

me. I have a big forehead. I'm

12:12

glad you said

12:13

it. you

12:17

don't

12:17

like a high ponytail? No.

12:19

I actually do like a high ponytail. So

12:21

then what was that I think

12:24

people I don't know. I just went to,

12:26

like, school near a lot

12:28

of horse girls. and

12:30

that's like the horse girl uniform. They

12:33

matched the steed. They

12:35

matched the steed. Yeah. A

12:37

lot of like that twenty tens,

12:39

early twenty tens, like, late aughts, early twenty

12:41

ten style was, like, equestrian.

12:43

For some reason. being

12:47

It was true. It was giving saddles It

12:49

was giving jockey. It's giving jockey.

12:51

It's giving you a lot of vests and a

12:53

lot of boots, like, riding pants.

12:56

I was, like Eight that five feet tall

12:58

for a minute there because it was the fashion.

13:00

It

13:00

was jockeying around for people's

13:03

respects. You

13:03

cut down your height. to be the size of

13:05

a jockey.

13:05

Mhmm. Okay.

13:08

My best friend was

13:10

a Clyde's deal. for

13:12

a year. And

13:14

within that year, how

13:16

long were the wolves out?

13:18

I can't remember that because I

13:20

don't know what how many beet salads were

13:23

ordered then. You

13:23

know, like, Spotify wrapped, like, it tells

13:26

you

13:26

that Yeah. That's So

13:28

could you give me,

13:29

like, could you give me, like, your

13:31

your

13:31

Jefferies wrapped of, like, how

13:34

many beats were consumed what

13:36

time the wolves were out around what month?

13:38

Like, is there any month or any week? Yeah.

13:40

That's when he's

13:40

working out. There's no way out. In twenty

13:43

twenty two. It this Oh, why? had

13:45

that many beet salads. I don't think I've ordered a beet

13:47

salad this year. I just

13:48

Little something even out much for you.

13:50

No.

13:50

My and my feed haven't

13:52

been raised. Like, here's the thing. Like, I almost

13:56

forgot about this whole transitive

13:58

property thing.

13:59

with specific regards to the

14:02

four beet salad, the wolves

14:04

having been out and then the

14:06

dogs barking. necessitating

14:08

me putting my feet up because my they're just

14:11

I need to. But then

14:13

you said, you brought it up, by

14:15

the way. that you ordered a beet

14:17

salad. I

14:17

brought up my Andy Smiths

14:20

about how many beats you had. You

14:22

asked me That's

14:23

How can you do that? I

14:25

there's no world in which I'd be like,

14:27

tonight for dinner, I had a spaghetti a la mon,

14:29

and I had a beet salad with

14:31

probably roughly, I would say, like, I had

14:33

two and a half beats total, maybe.

14:35

Oh, that's fine. I

14:37

mean, they're probably working with the salad.

14:40

I'm good

14:40

to stand. Should we get into our first

14:42

review? Let's

14:43

do it. This

14:46

is

14:46

a short one because we have to pay.

14:48

This is one star review from Nancy

14:51

n. Nancy

14:53

see

14:55

Nancy?

14:57

Nancy Nancy. One

14:59

star. That

15:01

title's one of Infiniti Sky visit.

15:03

It's like a cable

15:06

net cream thing from the brand Demore

15:08

from Amazon.

15:09

That's Demore. Demore.

15:12

The title is starve.

15:16

that's a One

15:20

star,

15:20

the title's one. Mhmm. I

15:22

just received one.

15:26

Well,

15:26

what yeah,

15:29

I'm happy to I'm happy to help

15:30

you, ma'am. You called the

15:33

customer service line here. Yeah. Can I

15:35

ask how many did you order? You said you only

15:36

got one, but how many did you order?

15:39

I ordered

15:39

one and I got one.

15:41

Great. So

15:42

is there anything else I can help you? Well, not so

15:44

great. Not so great actually, and that's why I'm calling

15:47

customer support. It's been a tough

15:49

day. It's been

15:49

a really tough day for me.

15:52

What's

15:52

your name again? I don't think I got

15:54

your name.

15:54

We

15:56

usually don't give it out, but my name's Trey.

15:59

I'll Trey. Thank you

15:59

so much for helping me, Trey. I'm Nancy.

16:02

Trey. Trey. What a day?

16:05

the I ordered

16:07

the one scarf, and I got one scarf. And

16:09

so that's kinda where my issues started, and that's why

16:11

I'm calling. Can I ask

16:12

what the complaint is? Just because I have, like, automated

16:14

forms and that doesn't qualifies

16:16

a complaint in my system. Oh,

16:18

am I cutting

16:18

out? I said I have I got the complaint is,

16:21

like, couldn't be any clear. I got

16:22

one scarf. and

16:23

you ordered one scarf. I ordered one scarf.

16:25

And I got one scarf. So what did

16:27

you want? In an ideal world, what did you get?

16:30

More than one scarf? Okay.

16:32

Leading the witness. I

16:34

don't appreciate that tone. I'm telling you

16:36

that something happened to me and I'm upset

16:39

about it. and

16:40

you're coming back at me

16:42

with what? It was like, oh, it's not that bad. It's not

16:44

even bad.

16:45

I didn't say those words. I'm just saying That's

16:47

what

16:47

I received. I'm sorry. I didn't mean put words in

16:49

your mouth. You didn't say that tray, but

16:51

that's ultimately like what I

16:53

got. You placed an order for a Scarves.

16:55

scarf. And what's that? You one scarf. Was it the

16:57

scarf you It was the scarf I wanted. Yeah.

16:59

So we did we fulfilled the order. You

17:01

know what I mean? You sent

17:03

me a scarf I ordered

17:04

a scarf. Right. You

17:05

fulfilled the order. I

17:07

I don't That's when things get a little

17:10

bit dicey. That's I'm

17:12

not sure if we're speaking the

17:14

same language, Trey.

17:15

And so just so I can understand

17:18

man. because at this point, I don't.

17:20

When you placed earlier today or

17:22

when was this yesterday? This

17:24

was

17:24

today. It came same day

17:26

shipping.

17:26

Okay. So shipping did you buy? It didn't

17:28

cost

17:28

anything. Great. So we over

17:30

fulfilled the order. In your

17:32

words, you over fulfilled it, but

17:34

I feel unfulfilled.

17:36

Okay. Very unfulfilled.

17:38

okay Okay. You placed

17:39

an order for one scarf? I did.

17:42

We're free shipping. Yes.

17:44

You got one scarf, which is what

17:46

you ordered same day. So

17:48

I guess I'm wondering WHAT WOULD HAVE MADE YOU

17:50

FEEL FELVILLED.

17:51

I'M WONDERING WHAT GIVES

17:54

YOU THE NURVE TO ASK ME SUCH A PERSONAL

17:56

QUESTION LIKE THAT.

17:57

That's not personal. It's about business.

17:59

Why? Well, I'm on a I thought I was on a

18:02

business call. I'm telling you, I'm unhappy

18:04

with my order. I know you're asking me, how would you

18:06

feel fulfilled? That's not we're not having the

18:08

same conversation right now. You're asking me my

18:10

personal life? No. Only my husband

18:12

knows what I'm fulfilled by. I'm

18:14

not telling that to you. In fact, I

18:16

might have to tell him about this conversation

18:18

because now I'm feeling like I'm emotionally

18:20

cheating on my husband. That's honestly,

18:22

that's where you've brought this conversation to. That's what

18:23

I'm feeling today. Fulfilled with

18:27

regards to the oil. Fulfillment.

18:29

Order fulfillment. Order

18:31

fulfillment. That's a business term.

18:34

Now

18:35

You ask me my name, by the way. You're the ones

18:37

who led this down a personal path.

18:39

Do not blame this

18:41

on me.

18:42

If any My god is here, Trey. you.

18:45

What

18:45

gets me off the phone right now? Like, I

18:47

that's what I'm trying to understand is what I'm just asking

18:49

you to put this complaint through and you're telling me

18:51

that it's not a complaint you can put in the system.

18:53

Right. I

18:54

can do

18:55

a custom entry.

18:58

My question is, how do you want this to be

19:00

fixed? Which it doesn't seem Yeah.

19:02

Nothing needs to happen, Trey.

19:03

I just want the company to know

19:06

one star.

19:07

One. I

19:10

only got one. So that's

19:11

where you leave a review. You don't

19:13

call customers because customer support is for,

19:15

like, problem solving.

19:17

Like, a problem I thought you could help me solve it by

19:20

submitting this complaint. So

19:22

do you feel

19:22

good right now? because I just sent it in. You

19:24

did just

19:25

sent it in? just Well, you didn't tell

19:27

me that. You just told me that now. Are you

19:29

lying? Or is that

19:30

truth? That's that's

19:32

true. Is

19:33

it truth? Or is it laying

19:36

because I only deal with truth.

19:38

It is

19:38

I

19:39

sent before men.

19:41

truth. Mhmm.

19:44

I need you to

19:45

say it. I don't

19:47

want to say the sentence. It's

19:50

truth. I and

19:51

that's Like,

19:53

now I'm kinda digging my heels in. I

19:56

don't

19:56

wanna say That's not dramatically correct. So

19:58

I can't I land

19:59

truth. But

20:01

this isn't this is true that I it

20:03

in. It's not truth. So it's not truth.

20:05

That's what you're saying. So you don't have to send

20:07

the It's not the concept. I sent the form it.

20:09

It's true that I sent the form it. It

20:11

is not the concept of truth that

20:13

that I sent the form in. Do you know what I mean? because that's a

20:16

that's grammatically incorrect. Oh,

20:18

you're

20:18

one of those.

20:20

Oh, you're one of those. I bet your fun at

20:22

parties, Trey. I bet your real fun

20:24

at parties. Oh, this

20:27

is

20:27

him at a party. Hey,

20:30

guys. I just wanna say that you guys

20:33

being

20:33

here are

20:35

so

20:36

special to me. That

20:37

means a lot,

20:40

Max. Us We being here

20:42

means means a lot to

20:43

us and I'm

20:46

friends with a bunch of dummies. Sorry, guys.

20:49

This could have

20:49

been a lead longer lead up.

20:51

I'm just gonna come out and because I don't wanna be friends with y'all

20:54

are dumb for this. You don't

20:55

wanna be friends with us anymore.

20:57

But that sentence came out

21:00

fine. Go

21:03

home.

21:03

Yeah.

21:04

I soured this. I

21:06

really came in hot. I'm sorry. Cut

21:10

back.

21:10

Try. Things are getting

21:13

really heated. I might have to bring my husband on the

21:15

line.

21:16

might want my husband on the line. I already did what you wanted me

21:18

to add. I can hang up at any time.

21:20

So then don't

21:21

I don't you? Just

21:23

tray

21:24

true.

21:26

Hello? Yeah. It's Trey. I hear you bring

21:28

in the breathing on the other line.

21:31

Trey. Trey. You made

21:33

my

21:33

wife Nancy very upset.

21:35

Have you seen

21:36

that standing next to her on the

21:38

phone? She didn't watch all her conversation.

21:41

That's not cool. Obviously, you have

21:43

some privacy in your relationship. She asked

21:45

you why you aren't hanging up. The

21:47

conversation's eating up. You stayed on the

21:49

phone. What's going on, man?

21:51

Are you in love with my wife?

21:54

I don't care for your

21:56

wife. Frankly, she was the worst call I

21:58

took today. Is that

21:59

truth? Why did

22:01

I wait that long to hang up?

22:03

Come

22:03

on, Trey. This is

22:05

the most exciting thing

22:08

that's happened right in the best week and a

22:10

half. He went to

22:12

a party that he was kicked out of within

22:14

minutes and then he had that call.

22:16

Yeah. Alright. Let's take

22:18

a quick break. Thanks for sponsors

22:20

slash maybe sponsor's, people

22:22

that were paying to

22:26

You know? To advertise copy for us. Yeah.

22:28

So that's a sponsor. That's a sponsor.

22:30

No.

22:31

People were paying.

22:34

That's sponsored. Well, then we wouldn't be getting

22:35

them shout outs on the show because we only do this

22:37

for cash. That's true.

22:40

Yeah. When do you think about it?

22:41

So it was nine.

22:43

of the We'll

22:46

be right

22:46

back. The beats.

22:48

Yeah.

22:53

Since

22:53

being the first to oh my god. I'm so

22:56

congested. Sorry. It's just since being the

22:58

first to make wiper blades over a

23:00

century ago, try request protect drivers in any weather, even you're

23:02

under the weather. Nice.

23:04

Traverse Tribal wipe Tribal

23:07

wipers is what I just said,

23:09

Christ. Trieco wipers maintained

23:11

maximum windshield contact for safe, clear

23:13

driving visibility. Trieco, the future of wipers

23:15

since nineteen seventeen. one of

23:17

our products wearing a new form is designed to match your vehicle's exact connection.

23:20

That means no more guessing, no more hassle, and no more

23:22

confusion while installing your wiper blades. Not

23:24

only I think these would stall, but they're high quality

23:26

bean blades built to be any type of

23:28

weather, even under the

23:30

weather. Fuck. I already made that

23:32

joke. Right? Right.

23:33

Right? Trico Ultra

23:35

and wiper blades are American made premium beam

23:37

wiper blades that shine in any weather as these wiper

23:39

blades also feature a unique design that converts

23:41

wind force into extra pressure by allowing for

23:44

for into extra pressure allowing for a

23:46

maximum windshield contact. The checklist

23:48

modes that web blades automatically pairs the correct size

23:50

and fit web blades to specific to

23:52

your vehicle.

23:52

That's two wiper blades sides perfectly and with

23:55

the correct connection already

23:57

attached.

23:57

Simply visit wipers one hundred and fifty dot com

23:59

Sorry. It's

23:59

hard exercise. I'm only breathing out of one

24:02

nostril, so it's limited airflow.

24:03

Simply visit y perzone to three dot com, enter your

24:06

vehicle information, and select different words

24:08

that you prefer. Trico Smarts at

24:10

Monsoon for areas of heavy rainfall.

24:12

Shico's at Sundger for cold, snowy

24:14

areas, and Trico Smarts at Storm

24:16

for everything else in between.

24:18

Go to wipers 123 dot com and use the promo

24:20

code review, REVIEW at checkout,

24:22

receive ten dollars off of your next order of

24:24

forty dollars or more.

24:27

Incks, wipers 123

24:30

Guys, it's

24:30

hard to even know how

24:32

many things you subscribed

24:35

to. I definitely lost track last year

24:37

before I started using rocket

24:39

money. Alright? I was

24:42

subscribed to a

24:43

bunch of, like, white, yellow pages

24:45

type type things that I did use to

24:47

find where celebrities live just to know.

24:50

knowledge

24:50

is power. You only need smart audio.

24:52

You don't need any of the other ones, so I

24:54

canceled those. And Just

24:57

a bunch of free trials that went to subscription I didn't know because,

24:59

yeah, you don't notice those things on your credit or

25:01

debit card bill because they're like seven ninety nine

25:03

a month, you know, but when you have

25:06

an app like Rocket Money, formerly known as True Bill.

25:08

It sort of lays them out

25:10

in front of you and you can realize, oh, I don't

25:12

need any of these. I've saved upwards

25:15

of like three hundred dollars a year

25:17

using rocket money. It's also, I

25:19

will say, this is not in the copy. I use

25:21

rocket money in my life. a

25:24

great budgeting app. It actually tracks things.

25:26

I don't know how. I don't know the tech behind it,

25:28

but it actually, like, categorizes things

25:31

correctly rather than other

25:33

leading budgeting apps that just

25:35

don't. If you are

25:37

wasting money on subscriptions, You

25:39

may be a part of the eighty percent of people

25:41

who have subscriptions that they forgot about.

25:43

Maybe for you, it's an unused Amazon Prime

25:45

account or a Hulu account that never gets streamed.

25:49

There's, again, this great app that I use that

25:51

helps me track all these expenses. And because of it, I no

25:53

longer waste money on subscriptions. I don't

25:55

even use and it is called

25:57

Rocket Money, formerly known as

25:59

True Bill. Cancel unnecessary

26:01

subscriptions with Rocket Money today. Go to rocket

26:03

money dot com slash That's the title of

26:05

the show. seriously. It could save you

26:07

like me hundreds of dollars. That is hundreds

26:09

of dollars. You can take a weekend trip with that money. You

26:11

could save that money. It's amazing. That's

26:13

rocket money dot com slash review review truly

26:16

do it.

26:17

Can't recommend it

26:18

enough. Best app I've ever used.

26:21

for

26:22

money. You

26:27

know

26:28

I'm all about that

26:29

beats. No. About that beats. No.

26:33

Fuck me. It

26:36

doesn't

26:36

even matter. Have you ever tossed a

26:39

beet salad? So,

26:39

like, eating someone's ass who

26:42

has hemorrhoids?

26:43

That is foul.

26:46

Okay. Here we go.

26:49

Oh, here. Oh,

26:51

here she comes. This is

26:54

for funky unique beanies

26:56

matching ribbed winter warm cable net

26:58

infinity scarf.

27:00

Okay.

27:01

It's a four tone mix, yellow hot

27:03

pink, turquoise and purple.

27:05

Disgusting. Five stars.

27:09

Paula l, if you can believe

27:11

it. Paula Lean.

27:15

Paula Lean.

27:16

Five stars. Title is

27:18

very pretty and well made.

27:22

Very pretty scarf. Does not

27:24

look cheap at all. I bought this

27:26

as part of an outfit for a secret

27:28

Santa family through a generous

27:30

coworker. I picked the mom because she made

27:32

her wish list focused on mostly her

27:34

kids. I want to let her know that her

27:36

selflessness won't go unnoticed

27:38

and that this scarf is a little piece of the

27:40

outfit she terms. I'm giving

27:42

her literally what I'm proud to

27:44

wear myself.

27:57

Right. So

27:57

we needed school

27:59

supplies for

27:59

these children children,

28:02

not

28:03

not these

28:06

hats.

28:09

Listen, can my

28:13

son has been going to the school for

28:15

years and we love this

28:17

school. He's adoring sixth

28:19

grade loves all his teachers, but

28:21

most importantly, he loves all the friends

28:23

that he's made. Okay.

28:24

And so I feel like the least I could do

28:26

is parent here. And honey, let me know if you agree.

28:29

Like, us as parents. Like, we

28:32

really feel, like,

28:33

each kid here. Like, you guys

28:35

are fostering all these little personalities

28:38

and these little people to just like

28:40

shine through and like embrace

28:42

the world. and we wanted to

28:44

reflect each of their uniqueness, not

28:46

in pens or

28:48

printer paper or glue

28:52

or books, but in

28:53

hats. Right, honey?

28:55

honey Oh, yeah.

28:57

Whatever. Do you guys wanna know

28:59

about that? a lot. Listen,

29:02

I I appreciate you guys. I mean, you guys don't

29:05

need to send your kids to the school. You can send them to

29:07

any private school. I'm pretty aware of

29:09

that. So I appreciate porting

29:11

the school and believing

29:13

in the public education system. We

29:16

do.

29:18

But it's a We

29:20

really need never a driver. You know what I mean?

29:22

Like, we really need the books. The

29:24

hats. Like, I have the kids don't gonna wanna

29:26

wear them.

29:27

Mister green, I hear you. Of course, you need

29:29

the books. Of course, I'm hearing you. Listen

29:31

to me. You need the printer paper, you need

29:33

the books. I hear that. I

29:36

get that Hey. And it was a

29:38

long time ago, but I was a school girl once

29:40

too. Okay? But

29:42

what I didn't have in the classroom

29:45

was

29:45

my own

29:46

sense of individuality, was

29:49

my own sense of like, hey,

29:51

you're unique. Put

29:52

on that pork pie cap and

29:54

and be yourself or you

29:56

know? Like something like that. And

29:59

you don't think

29:59

that getting

30:00

sixty of the same hat

30:03

also sort of robs them of the

30:06

chance to figure out their own individuality?

30:09

Well, also not getting to read about the

30:11

California Goldrush. When

30:13

we bought pork

30:16

pie

30:16

hats in bulk,

30:18

we were doing it for the

30:21

kids. we were doing it thinking, what

30:23

other kid

30:23

in the Greater Los Angeles area

30:25

is walking around with a pork thigh cap on. Right,

30:27

honey? Didn't we say

30:28

that? Were we wondering what

30:30

other kids by cap. What?

30:32

Is it

30:32

our anniversary? Dog

30:34

is so important.

30:37

So

30:38

you tell me I mean, like,

30:40

I think the kids are gonna love them. If you wanna

30:42

if you

30:43

wanna give the pork diet

30:45

hats back, we

30:46

can't return them, but again, We'll just put them

30:48

in wet. Honey, we put them in in storage. What

30:50

do we think? Valentine's

30:52

Day two, I thought our anniversary

30:55

wasn't been. There's

30:55

only Valentine's Day one, not Valentine's Day

30:58

two.

30:59

Mister Green, I

31:02

mean, ultimately, it's your call. Like, we wanna

31:04

do at best for the kids. I will take the

31:05

hats. I'm sure we could use them in the theater department. I

31:07

just No. That's

31:08

actually the one stipulation. The

31:12

hats aren't for props, they're

31:15

for life. If

31:16

you're gonna make a mockery, if you're gonna

31:18

make a show out of the

31:21

hats, then I don't think understand the point of

31:23

them. I don't understand the

31:25

point of

31:25

them. Alright. I'm sorry. I just I'm

31:27

only getting heated because this is a

31:30

severely un or funded school

31:32

district. Not that on there?

31:34

Yeah. A

31:35

little kid comes in.

31:37

Mister Green, I was reviewing

31:39

you're like, oh,

31:40

are

31:41

those? It's okay, honey. You

31:43

can you can look at them.

31:45

Are those pork boy hats?

31:47

So

31:49

I'm looking up for my phone now.

31:51

You're

31:52

what? Eleven? You shouldn't

31:54

talk like that. He goes back to

31:56

his own. That's the

31:58

first

31:58

thing I've your husband

31:59

said that I kind of agree with.

32:02

Could I touch your

32:04

mind? No.

32:05

Get out of the room. I don't wanna listen to this.

32:07

Get out of the room. No.

32:09

Falls out of my

32:11

list. day.

32:14

Listen. I will take the hats. Thank

32:16

you for the hats. But just please, if you

32:18

decide to donate again, which I really hope

32:20

you do. I

32:21

broke my leg.

32:24

Sounds

32:24

good. Does someone need to

32:26

check on that child you push down to bite

32:28

a stare? She's like one of

32:29

the nothing ones. Like, just

32:32

just can you please consider

32:35

getting school supplies? These kids need

32:37

it and they can't get themselves. I

32:39

can't buy it for the class. I

32:41

really Shut up. Go

32:47

up. You're in six You're

32:48

gonna be

32:49

in high school in three years.

32:52

I hate that kid. You

32:55

know, I But even he should have school

32:58

supplies and not a

32:58

hat. But did you hear when that

33:01

little kid when he's on the

33:03

floor, like broken, he's

33:04

not screaming for for

33:07

a

33:07

steroid shot. He's not

33:09

screaming for me. what that

33:12

is. He's not screaming for

33:14

ex markers, he's was screaming for the hat.

33:16

I'll give him

33:17

a hat. I'll give him a hat. Thank you

33:19

for the hats. but

33:21

could I feel like you don't appreciate them. I

33:23

don't appreciate

33:24

them. I I get paid thirty six thousand

33:26

dollars a year.

33:27

How much were

33:30

the hats? Honey, does

33:32

it come

33:32

much to the housewares? How many? Well, they

33:35

were,

33:35

like, eight hundred dollars each.

33:38

Okay.

33:38

That is

33:40

twenty four

33:43

thousand dollars. Get

33:46

out of my office. Get out of my office.

33:48

Well, do you

33:51

want us to take the hats back?

33:54

Leave

33:54

that the hats.

33:58

I'm

34:01

glad he's happy.

34:03

shut

34:07

up. Be happy quietly. Be

34:09

happy quietly. I

34:11

think you're gonna be driving

34:14

a car in three

34:16

years. Change your voice. I'll be

34:18

in the hospital,

34:20

mister Green. It's not

34:20

my responsibility.

34:24

You're the

34:26

one who pushed me down the

34:28

stairs I was

34:30

hoping your

34:31

balls would drop. I'm

34:33

fired

34:33

for that. I should. Goddamn

34:36

it. I'm fired for that. I'm

34:38

fired for that. It's

34:40

just

34:41

so grating.

34:44

Oh, I think in three years.

34:47

Taking your

34:48

permit. Do I take her

34:50

right at the line? I

34:53

you failed the test. You shouldn't

34:56

be operating anything. No.

34:58

You shouldn't be operating

35:00

anything. This is a

35:02

five star of you of

35:04

cash mirans.

35:05

What? Cash

35:07

miran

35:08

Infinity scarf. Five stars.

35:12

from i'm susan b

35:15

Susan P.

35:19

Susan psychosomatic.

35:23

Susan

35:23

psychosomatic. Fits

35:26

my

35:26

husband perfectly

35:28

ordered a second pair. His

35:30

hands are very cold and he

35:32

wears them inside and out

35:35

in the winter.

35:44

Hold

35:46

on.

35:50

Jason,

35:51

I don't

35:54

think

35:55

the students in the class

35:57

that were not laughing at your

35:58

story. So far,

35:59

the story has been great. I think we

36:02

just all collect the guys. Everyone

36:04

stop. Stop. It's not funny.

36:06

Everyone stop it. Jason, I

36:08

think the question we

36:10

have is

36:10

a Was he

36:12

wearing the scarf inside out, or was

36:14

he wearing his hands inside out? And

36:17

was no. It is student

36:19

Hey, I'm the teacher. come down.

36:21

This isn't funny. Jason, just bad writing or what was going

36:23

on there? But

36:27

the

36:30

Holy

36:30

shit. Yeah. He

36:33

wears the scar It's supposed

36:36

to be like a funny story about a guy who doesn't

36:38

know what a scarf is. And so

36:40

he like wears them as

36:42

gloves. And his hands are very cold and he wears the

36:44

scarves as gloves. inside out in the

36:46

winter. Oh, well, that's not I'm open to

36:48

nodes.

36:48

That's not funny. And we're now we're

36:50

not laughing because do you see from that reaction?

36:52

That's actually

36:53

not fun. Well, I don't

36:55

you know, some people

36:57

might yeah. I think it's No

37:00

one. Yeah. Alright.

37:02

I think my What if it

37:04

was You were right now. as a bench. That

37:05

doesn't make any sense. I'm on the spot,

37:07

and you guys are What

37:10

part of

37:10

can I be on the spot for a second even more?

37:12

I'm already on

37:12

it, but yeah. Yeah. What you're

37:15

in this comedy

37:17

writing you need to learn how to defend your

37:19

jokes. Right? What what is the

37:21

comedy behind him wearing a scarf

37:23

as gloves? Can you

37:25

walk me through We all love. Everyone's done this. Everyone loves explaining

37:27

why a joke is funny. Can you explain

37:30

to the class? Why?

37:32

It is

37:34

so funny to imagine this man

37:36

wearing a scarf as

37:37

Scarves. Yeah.

37:39

It's I think it's sorry.

37:44

I'm picturing it's like it's like an infinity We all are picturing

37:46

it, and none none of us

37:48

are laughing.

37:50

I

37:52

just

37:52

thought it was funny if someone

37:54

didn't know what a scarf was and they

37:56

Scarves wore

37:59

more them

37:59

them as

38:01

more than this club. So you're just kind of explaining

38:03

the premise again. You said

38:05

explain the joke. I said

38:07

explain the joke, not tell the

38:09

story to me. I think that's funny. I think

38:10

that's sort of silly. It's not my best. I

38:12

mean, I have other pitches, but that I

38:14

thought that was We love

38:16

to hear it. This is your final. This is your

38:18

senior year final. Okay.

38:20

Alright.

38:20

It's like, what

38:23

if

38:23

a kid

38:24

was born

38:26

born into a

38:27

world where I have it

38:29

written down

38:30

here as scarves or gloves, but

38:32

I can change it to anything. You

38:35

go. You

38:35

should absolutely change that because that is the same thing as

38:37

your last thing and no one found that funny.

38:39

It's actually probably Can I

38:41

be honest about something? That's probably

38:43

the worst idea of the year from anyone in

38:45

the class. And and

38:48

and Mia over there said, what if frogs

38:50

were dogs? So that's also

38:52

nothing. And this is worse than that.

38:54

I don't

38:55

see how what if

38:57

frogs were dogs funnier, even marginally than

39:00

a man who mistakes infinity

39:02

scarves for gloves. Maybe

39:04

it's

39:05

not that funny and can

39:07

I

39:07

comment on this? Can I comment on this? Absolutely. You can comment

39:09

on this. Imagine a frog on

39:11

a leash.

39:13

Everyone crack

39:14

up. Okay. Can I

39:17

chime in on this? Can I chime in on

39:19

this? Roger. Walking to frog. Walking to frog. Yeah. Walking

39:21

to frog. Can I chime in on this? Yeah. You

39:23

can chime in on this. Sorry. We're

39:25

all just laughing about a very image. Okay.

39:28

God stop. No. We

39:30

all know it's funny. Imagine

39:33

a a frog park instead of

39:35

a dog park. Right? See,

39:37

it's Imagine like a guy with

39:39

two scarves on his hands. No.

39:41

That's nothing. There's That's the same.

39:44

junk. Like, I feel like that's like a plug

39:46

and play. That's just like a punch up a

39:48

little of the

39:50

other one. you

39:50

think Scarves instead of gloves is a punch

39:52

up of frogs instead of

39:54

dogs? It's just kinda

39:56

what if this crazy thing was

39:58

different about the world. But

39:59

that's funny and yours isn't. That's honestly

40:02

what it boils down to. Is that why? Explain

40:04

to me why frog gonna leash is funny. Why is that funny?

40:06

You made me do that. Why can't you guys

40:08

explain me? Why is that funny? I I'm

40:10

happy to

40:11

explain. I'm also Sorry.

40:13

As a teacher, I just wanna point out, I gave

40:16

me as example as a bad

40:18

example that's slightly better than yours. That's

40:20

still not

40:22

very funny. No. But I can't explain why it's a little bit funnier than

40:24

yours, and it's because

40:27

frogs are slimy. and dogs

40:29

are cute. So imagine cuddling up with up for

40:32

rock. Everyone's dying.

40:34

Instead of the scarves are for your neck,

40:37

so imagine if they're on

40:38

your hands. What else you got?

40:40

Or is it just the scars for hands thing?

40:43

Yeah. A suicide note. Okay.

40:45

Isn't dark humor?

40:46

We're getting closer. Do you

40:48

like that? That was offensive.

40:49

No. I don't like

40:52

that.

40:53

Okay. I'm saying

40:56

it's something

40:57

different. Okay. It's

40:59

something different than Scarves for hands.

41:01

I don't like that. It is offensive.

41:02

But it's something you've been

41:04

only saying

41:04

your only idea is scarves for

41:07

Scarves, isn't start Scarves.

41:09

Okay. I got it. What about weekend warrior? And it's like the weekend

41:12

gets

41:12

drafted.

41:15

I don't like because, like,

41:17

he's so used to the it's a fish out

41:19

of water story. Right? because he's, like, so used to

41:21

the glam of Halloween. Oh, can I actually tell you, and I

41:23

have a punch up on that Yeah.

41:26

Absolutely. Go for it. What if

41:27

it was the weekend?

41:29

What a weekday?

41:32

Doesn't make any

41:33

sense because he's a person. Mindmade sense because it's

41:35

a good pun and he's in the army

41:37

which would be interesting. No.

41:40

This is great because imagine if it was, like, the

41:42

weekend, but, like, on Wednesday.

41:44

See, that's

41:44

weird. You don't even

41:47

mean the singer you're saying rearrange the calendar. How's

41:49

that a sketch? I

41:52

don't

41:52

know how you

41:54

don't see that entire sketch start

41:57

to finish. You wake up excited

41:59

for brunch with your friends, but uh-oh, you

42:01

actually have to be

42:04

at work.

42:04

that's the sketch. That's it.

42:06

It doesn't even heighten. That

42:08

is you know,

42:10

we talk about It's like keep hiding keep

42:12

hiding. What's the highest I can go? That is the highest I can

42:14

go.

42:14

Exactly, which means it's not good because

42:16

there's nowhere for it to go other

42:18

than that. You

42:19

don't have taste. You are not

42:22

funny, and that's clear.

42:24

You're in

42:26

this class because set

42:28

up for it. There's no way I can't tell you to

42:30

not take the class. But I'm telling you, you shouldn't know if

42:33

there's

42:33

too many negatives. And

42:36

you're teaching a creative writing class? Teaching

42:38

comedy class. So is that funny

42:41

to

42:41

you that you said can't not tell you

42:43

to not be in it? You

42:45

know

42:47

what it was? It

42:51

was

42:51

silly. Who talks

42:54

like that? I'm

42:54

writing that down. I'm saving that for later.

42:56

Not gonna lie. Don't steal it. Don't

42:58

steal it. Don't steal

43:02

that joke. Okay. What

43:03

about bad bill

43:04

bunting? So it's

43:06

like goodwill hunting, but it's

43:08

like

43:11

really bad baseball player. It I'm,

43:14

like, demoralized now, obviously.

43:16

Because Can I

43:17

punch that up a

43:19

little bit? Okay. What

43:21

if it was what

43:23

if it was the good,

43:26

shmish, grunting.

43:28

Everyone starts sobbing. Like, clutching

43:30

their abs, laughing. I'm like, I

43:33

can't breathe. What

43:34

if it was

43:37

blood

43:38

Blue glinting. It's

43:41

like,

43:42

stop. Stop

43:44

hitting. Tim. So if I say you're killing

43:46

me, what if it was

43:48

fucking Ben Affleck on

43:51

a on a

43:52

movie Scarves? I

43:55

can do better.

43:58

No one liked that

43:59

one.

44:02

That's weird. No.

44:04

It's not. No said

44:06

that before. Don't, like,

44:09

do your

44:09

type five

44:12

during class. This is

44:13

a pain. to keep it fresh. That's not

44:16

you wrote it before it's not

44:18

fresh. I wrote it twenty years ago.

44:22

That's several decades. That's two decades. Oh,

44:24

you do you listen. I don't know

44:25

why you're still here. You're not funny. I told you

44:28

that repeatedly. You

44:30

keep saying demoralized.

44:32

Get the fuck out of my classroom.

44:34

Get the

44:34

fuck out or you're

44:36

kidding

44:37

me. We all wanna laugh about frog dogs

44:39

and you're out here talking about scarves for gloves. It's not

44:41

funny. Get the fuck out

44:43

of this room. I

44:45

can't tell you what I'm telling you to get the fuck out

44:48

of the

44:48

room. That's just Okay. Okay.

44:50

Right. I'm leaving. This is are

44:53

you gonna at least pass me? I

44:55

don't give

44:55

a fuck. Sure. I'll give you a passing grade. I

44:58

just think you are so painfully

45:00

unfunny and just so out

45:02

of touch. with any kind

45:04

of humorous bone in your body that I

45:06

can't even looking at you makes me

45:08

feel sad,

45:10

not glad. Alright.

45:12

I hate

45:14

you, man. I know.

45:16

I'm

45:16

getting that. I just, like, it's weird to

45:18

me. Hate you. I just am

45:21

used because, like, the reason I took this class was because

45:23

all my friends were, like, you're so funny.

45:25

So I, like and I ran a lot a lot of

45:27

these ideas by other people, so

45:30

I just it feels like maybe this is like Your friends thought scarves for

45:31

gloves was funny? They didn't think it was the

45:34

my best, but they were

45:34

like, yeah, I like pitch it because we need to come out with

45:36

six pitches every week. So I was like,

45:39

Yeah. I'll pitch that one. But I don't know. I

45:41

guess

45:41

maybe I don't know what funny is. Sorry.

45:43

don't. Dude, I don't like you so

45:46

much.

45:46

I try to a plan with you so

45:48

that you'll finally, like, kinda ease up on

45:50

me. You're tripling down as

45:52

I'm telling you exactly what you wanna hear.

45:55

That's sociopathic. No.

45:58

That's

45:59

that's funny

45:59

funny. Okay.

46:00

What is

46:02

puppy No. sociopathy? That's

46:04

a mental health thing. You disease.

46:06

You calling

46:06

me out. That's hilarious. You

46:09

calling me out

46:11

on my shortcomings Okay?

46:14

That's something. Do

46:15

it again. You get up to

46:17

go to the bathroom twenty times during class. I

46:19

feel like you maybe I could

46:22

do. I do do that. You ever

46:24

considered roasting. You're you're not much

46:26

of a sketch guy, but you

46:27

could roast the hell out

46:29

of some people.

46:30

Okay. Mia is here.

46:32

or should I say

46:35

jerk?

46:38

Yeah. He got me. He

46:39

got me. He got me. He got

46:42

me. not. It was not good. I'm gone.

46:44

Thank you for the passing grade

46:47

and

46:47

cut to him on, like,

46:49

a comedy central Rose.

46:53

Rose of

46:56

Jim Gaffigan.

46:58

do you guys think

47:00

Jim Gaffigan's gonna make

47:02

him laugh again? That wasn't

47:03

funny. I'm

47:05

a

47:05

billionaire option. like this, and I'm

47:08

not funny.

47:09

Hi. They're all saying

47:11

it in unison. He

47:12

has, like, ten

47:14

up, like, specials. They're

47:17

all five minutes long.

47:19

This guy. This

47:22

guy. This is scary how fast

47:23

I got Rich.

47:25

I don't think that this is good. And

47:27

it's not impostor syndrome. This

47:30

He tries to do one special for himself,

47:33

cut to that. So

47:35

I was talking to my

47:37

brother-in-law. Right? And I gave

47:40

him

47:40

two scarves for Christmas. And

47:42

you guys like this one? He thought they

47:44

were gloves. He didn't know what

47:47

scarves were or

47:50

Someone shoots

47:54

him

47:55

in the

47:56

arm. Oh.

47:59

We

47:59

hate you.

48:04

Okay. I

48:08

hate me now. How did they go and

48:10

get fast security?

48:12

I don't know. I think it was

48:15

Infinity. security guards.

48:19

Got it. Hey, did

48:21

your comedy?

48:21

So my Should that

48:23

be fucking

48:24

shoots? Also so fast

48:27

after one joke. Yeah. That's

48:29

the beginning of the set. Everyone

48:34

cheers. Are you kidding

48:35

me? They'll start laughing.

48:36

they'll start loving That's

48:39

funny. That guy.

48:40

That's god. Alright. Should

48:42

we do our last segment? Yeah.

48:56

That was kind of interesting. That was something that's

48:59

beautiful. It's been shaken

49:01

here. Real housewives

49:02

of Salt Lake

49:03

City. Real housewives. of

49:07

Salt Lake City, baby. Alfred, Broadway,

49:09

Evans, convinced me to start it,

49:11

while sick with COVID, He's

49:14

like, you're not gonna regret it. It's the best show on TV. And

49:17

he's not wrong. He's not

49:19

wrong. I'll tell

49:20

you that much.

49:22

I've heard it's really

49:24

good. It brings me so much joy. It's

49:26

it's

49:26

phenomenal.

49:27

It's phenomenal. I can't get

49:30

enough of

49:31

this stuff. That Alf said one

49:33

of the funniest, like because

49:35

Alf has been so sweet. Half of

49:37

your listening to this,

49:38

you're a sweet tea. He's

49:41

been calling me every day. Today yeah. Today's my second

49:43

to last day of quarantine with

49:45

COVID. And, Alf, I've talked to Alf

49:47

almost every day. that have

49:49

had COVID. It's just like checking up on me and catching up. It's

49:51

been really nice. And

49:54

the past couple days since I started

49:56

watching,

49:56

that's all we've talked about

49:58

is just quoting that show. Yeah.

49:59

And it's just okay.

50:02

But

50:02

so the the log line for the

50:04

series the log in

50:07

for the series is like it's like, in

50:09

the mountains of Salt Lake City, there's a

50:12

hidden secret there's a hidden

50:14

society of, like, ultra

50:16

wealthy women. And I'm like,

50:18

why hidden? Like, what the fuck? And

50:20

alpha is Alpha is hidden for good

50:22

fucking reason. Yeah.

50:24

He goes and he goes, Oh,

50:26

gosh. Well, there's two kinds of hidden. Right? There's

50:29

hidden that's, like, you don't wanna be

50:31

found. And hidden because

50:34

nobody's fucking looking

50:34

for. Yeah. He's like How do you care about this? Wealthy

50:38

housewives. Salt Lake

50:41

City. Like,

50:42

he's like, No. He's

50:44

like they're hidden because no one gives a shit. Yeah.

50:47

And then he goes, I'm

50:49

a hidden talent because

50:52

no one prime just because no one looking

50:54

me.

50:54

And they, frankly,

50:56

might not ever. So So

50:59

real housewives, it's incredible. You smell

51:01

like hospital is the funniest thing I've

51:03

ever heard in my life. You

51:05

smell like hospital. you smell like

51:07

hospital. In fact, I'll say your whole family sounds like hospital. It sounds like

51:09

you're safe. You

51:10

smell like hospital. In fact, I'll set your whole

51:12

house on fire. Factor

51:14

health sounds like

51:16

hospital. No one's ever called me a grandfather fucker in

51:18

my entire life. It's I mean, it's just

51:20

it's art.

51:22

It's fucking art.

51:23

There's one son on

51:26

the sun on the show is a fashion designer, and he

51:28

was part of

51:28

Park City Fashion Week with his

51:31

sweat suit line, and he

51:33

is design. It's one design. So

51:35

the runway was just him

51:37

walking with like six models who were all wearing

51:39

the same exact

51:42

sweat suit.

51:43

It's amazing. That's not

51:44

a show. No. And

51:46

one of the one of the houses, I was

51:48

like, in in a talking

51:50

Headgum Well, I didn't know one design

51:52

constituted an entire line, but okay.

51:55

Like, it's -- Right. -- it's

51:57

fucking perfect. Everyone go watch it.

51:59

It's amazing. saying. I I'm

51:59

on Elizabeth's peacock account.

52:02

Thank you, Yi, for

52:02

letting me use it. I texted her

52:05

in a group that with

52:07

Daniel and and our friend Jay. And I'm like, hey, eat or

52:09

I'm like, does anyone have a peacock account I can use?

52:11

And he texted me separately. She's like, I do. And

52:13

she sent me the login info. She goes, what show are you

52:16

gonna watch? I'm like, don't worry about

52:18

it. She's like, what are you gonna

52:20

watch? And I'm like, real housewives, but then

52:22

in and there's before sending the the

52:24

passwords of in our a group chat. She's

52:26

like, I'll give you the password.

52:28

Mhmm.

52:28

If you tell them what you're watching.

52:30

And

52:30

I'm like, man, don't have it. me.

52:32

And so I did have to tell everyone that I was binging real

52:34

housewives of Salt Lake City. Of

52:37

course. Jeff, what's

52:38

been shaking your ass?

52:41

I

52:41

left my debit card at

52:43

a bar in Hollywood,

52:46

and that was three

52:48

weeks ago. weeks ago.

52:50

Yeah. So I've been using Apple Pay. Luckily, almost

52:52

everywhere takes Apple Pay, which I didn't

52:54

know. Jeff, you need to go get your

52:56

terrific. I know, but they open

52:58

at seven PM.

53:00

That's so late. Five. No.

53:02

It's

53:02

seven for some reason, unless

53:04

that's just on the weekends. But

53:07

And it's also like in the heart of Hollywood.

53:09

Getting over there is specifically

53:12

difficult. And I just

53:14

shouldn't have the tab open. So now I'm kind of like I need to go there get

53:16

a drink instead of just

53:18

going to pick it

53:19

up, you know? Yeah. So

53:22

I

53:22

need to do that. And I

53:25

guess the also my truck needs to go to the shop. So I guess what's shaking

53:27

me is Aaron's. Jeffrey

53:30

Aaron's That's

53:32

very -- Yay. -- jeffrey air in --

53:34

So -- very hot thing. But,

53:38

yeah,

53:38

yeah on of and for week uneventful week.

53:40

on eventful week to next week's thanksgiving, which a lot

53:42

to be grateful for. Right? Sand?

53:46

No.

53:46

and

53:47

So Time

53:50

involving the ShakeMe that I

53:53

never knows before that someone pointed

53:55

out in the discord in getting who,

53:57

and I'm really sorry, is that there's a little in

53:59

the headroom east studio, there's a

54:01

little framed photo of

54:03

us? Yes. We can put that up. I didn't know

54:06

that it was

54:06

there until someone pointed out. And I thought that was really, really

54:08

sweet. That shook me. We look like children. We

54:10

had this photo taken of us in,

54:13

like, twenty seventeen or eighteen. We look like baby no. Eighteen.

54:15

We look like babies. Yeah.

54:16

That was almost five years ago.

54:18

I think it was early twenty eighteen.

54:21

That's crazy. was twenty

54:22

nineteen. I met a

54:24

bit of twenty nineteen. We

54:26

do. I need

54:27

new head shots too. I guess that I'm

54:29

that's my head

54:30

shots or Not Jeffrey Aaron's

54:33

James. Jeffrey Aaron's

54:34

James. And I also get need

54:36

to get a new tattoo and a Rolex.

54:38

Right. So that's not

54:40

There is. Yeah. No. I can't afford

54:43

either right now.

54:44

Should we you

54:46

can follow Riley on Instagram -- Oh. -- at Riley

54:48

Inspa. I'm gonna have You can follow on Twitter at

54:50

Riley, coyote. No fucking way. And

54:53

you can get

54:55

b salad kind of whatever you want, but be careful

54:57

about the repercussions. You

55:00

find

55:00

the show on Reddit

55:02

r slash review, Instagram Revue

55:05

viewview to our view Revue

55:07

show. You can find Jeff

55:09

on Instagram, I think, at

55:11

Jeffrey James. And and on Twitter blue

55:14

at Jeff Boyardee. Can

55:16

Twitter blue go away in,

55:17

like, an hour? Yeah. I

55:20

think so. I don't think it exists

55:22

anymore. It doesn't. But I thank

55:24

you so much for listening. Should we

55:26

thank some little VIPOD let's

55:28

do it. Thank

55:30

you too.

55:31

Seven Eleven was an

55:33

inside job. It could

55:34

and side hugs and we can hug two

55:37

people

55:37

simultaneously. Age.

55:40

Aky. A ghost in the world

55:42

gained some respect if she's why is

55:44

her older and better now? Do

55:46

not check-in to a fucking snap.

55:50

So you're

55:52

not better.

55:52

At this point, I can't even tell daddy's chose Tuesdays or

55:54

if Tuesday's chose daddy, it's just

55:57

well neat. Austin has

55:58

been feeling kinda down lately.

55:59

No. But

56:02

just sad, jk. I do hate my new apartment's tiny

56:04

toilet, though. Bob Udell asks, why did

56:06

the

56:06

ducks at the party try to bite the dog? Tune

56:08

in next week for the punch

56:11

line

56:11

of this joke. Oh my god. Cammus Posey, that spooky

56:13

and cozy because it's October, baby, not

56:16

true. Carol

56:18

Fisher a new -- The Adrian,

56:20

Chuck. --

56:21

Connor Finnegan's rage is

56:23

Connor Finnegan's power and Woe

56:25

be to be. Who shit?

56:27

Fear his power. gravatures world tour.

56:29

Dakota's a little easel,

56:30

weasel. Which just to say of paint or

56:32

Aintor, which just to say Dakota doesn't

56:34

paint? Fancy octopus is

56:36

according to a co.

56:38

Submitted and readable. Follow my cat

56:39

on Instagram. You just have to find the at yourself

56:41

though. No.

56:42

No handouts fuck.

56:45

Foot fetish, Kim.

56:51

Miles, Grey

56:54

beat Jeff to purchasing a

56:56

home.

56:56

Happy Halloween.

56:58

It's October. It's not.

57:00

It's not. I can't afford this anymore. This shit sucks. But

57:02

you guys are great and have a great community. Stay golden show that ass.

57:04

That's alright.

57:05

Just paid thirty

57:08

We'll cut him a deal. I ate spaghetti and meatballs. It's

57:10

like spaghetti and meatballs, but instead of noodles, I

57:12

ate the sun. I'm happy, John.

57:14

No. My god.

57:17

know. Like, this

57:18

person's patron name is I'm

57:20

happy John Lennon is dead. I'm

57:22

really in fun. Have you ever heard of

57:24

this new show, The Office? You know, John

57:26

crisons, he's kind of as addy. It's July, and you know what that

57:29

means,

57:29

flag day. Let's get flapping.

57:31

It is not

57:33

July. It's mid Jay

57:36

Goldman. James Rawdon.

57:37

So it's James Corden,

57:39

but he berates waste research,

57:42

but he berates

57:43

restaurant waitstaff. So which is James Court

57:46

tonight. James the

57:48

real oyler Wagner. Thanks for that one.

57:50

on Jeff.

57:51

Jeffrey Games, Jeff's evil, what play for Twin? Jesse Tipton. Joe,

57:53

and for lack of a better

57:55

term, well, NASA. Taylor forgot to

57:57

change

57:57

his name. Whoops.

57:59

Caspero Bassler. Lord Hunter the

58:01

Ordain. Lucas Hainzol. Michael

58:04

Begle. Nate Porteous says hi to

58:05

Christina who's now listen to

58:08

every epic a new Patreon. No. Not a new

58:09

Patreon. It's reveal his name. Nolan's Noel

58:12

Murphy's theme song was lit as hell

58:14

unless it didn't get played on

58:16

this episode, which case I forget I said this or exist. Oh,

58:18

hi, Mark. Well, priest. Puff

58:21

Riley. Raven Schmadden. Reviewer two,

58:23

so it's this podcast we

58:25

call. Reese

58:26

George mispronounced the pun

58:28

Bergman. Seeing as John

58:30

Daniels just uses his normal name

58:33

for Beatria, on Opu. Silicon time of

58:34

May nine is closed for the winter, and Jameson Ponzi has

58:36

to come up with a rich funny original

58:39

names now.

58:39

Smooth Pete and his Jasmine that used to be popular,

58:41

but is now struggling to remain relevant it

58:43

and are mostly limited to making. T. J.

58:46

Michael. You think the seller thing was

58:48

dumb? Damian Kirk once sprint jumped face

58:50

first into a chain link fence. It was not purpose.

58:54

Jesus, man. I mean,

58:56

fucking grip of yourself. Thank you guys for

58:58

subscribing at the highest

59:00

tier. Yeah. Return back on

59:02

forward slash alien Jeff, of course. If you want Xartis, if

59:03

you want Q and

59:06

As, we

59:08

might be switching shit up a little bit on Patreon soon. Not could

59:10

be huge. Could be huge. Could be giving you

59:12

some

59:12

different stuff in a fun way. In

59:15

a sexy way. It's

59:17

not subscribe

59:18

for that. It's not

59:19

more photos of Jeff's

59:22

ass. That that's not behind a

59:24

paywall. You can go on to his Twitter at Jeff

59:26

Boyardee.

59:26

Look at photos of apps as right now.

59:28

It is behind a sensitive content

59:30

warning. But not a

59:31

paywall. You can still see that shift for free. Well, there's a

59:34

certain price to clear name,

59:36

and it's what? Nirvana. I'm like, got it. So

59:37

Sorry about that.

59:40

Ask face to

59:42

face. Let's off.

59:45

Okay. Okay. See

59:47

you next

59:48

time. I just heard the wolves.

59:51

coming Hey. Thanksgiving. Sorry

59:52

for that. That was

59:55

a

59:55

hit gum original.