Thank you for joining me for Episode 14, 3 Steps to Experience Joy in Your Marriage. You’ll find show notes to this episode at reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/14

Let me start with a question. Have you ever found yourself so consumed with “fixing” your marriage or partner that you’ve lost the joy? 

It’s so easy. We do this in our lives all the time. We get so focused on the doing we fail to experience the joy that is possible in our marriage. 

Joy is an emotion we need to have in our lives, but we sometimes give more attention to our anger and pain.  We focus on what’s not happening. While no feeling is off-limits or to be minimized, we do need to find out what brings us joy in our relationship, so we don’t get stuck in the doldrums of a long-term marriage. Joy is a part of our essential nature. To ignore it means we deny part of ourselves. 

If you aren’t experiencing joy in your relationship, that is a sign you need to step it up. 

If you aren’t feeling joy in your relationship, here is why:

1.     You know what would bring you joy, but it isn’t happening.  You resign yourself to this fact and assume you can live with it. 

2.     You have the mindset that since you’ve been married so long, your husband should know what brings you joy.  

3.     You have no idea what would bring back the joy in your relationship, much less what to do about it. 

You know, ladies, I can’t let you stay stuck that way. My sole mission in this podcast is to help you by sharing what I’ve learned and what I know what works.  So, I want to give you 3 Ways to experience joy in your marriage.  

1.     The first thing you need to do is assess what brings you joy in your relationship. If you aren’t sure, it is time you tap into your deepest self and ask, what would bring me joy in my relationship? And don’t worry if what brings you joy seems “trivial” in the whole scheme of things. No matter how small it is, if it brings you joy-honor it.  Your list is unique to you. Let me tell you just a few things that bring me joy, and I have many: when my husband takes my hand and holds it for no reason. Kisses on my cheek. Long, full-body hugs. When my husband says, let’s get away for a few days and plans a trip. Going to the movies together or watching a show we both are interested in. Sweet texts out of the blue during the day. Running errands together. Taking drives through the mountains or hiking. I even feel joy when my husband says. I’ll go to the grocery, folds the laundry, or cleans up the kitchen after dinner. Heck yeah, helping with chores brings me joy.  Can I get an “amen” on that, ladies? 

2.     Stop expecting your husband to figure out what brings you joy because if he doesn’t know, he probably won’t do it. You may think it is so romantic when he just knows, but that is a fantasy world. It makes me think of the title of the song by Katy Perry- “It’s not like the movies.” 

For instance, I love my kids, and I know the things they like. However, at Christmas time, I never assume I know what they want or need, and they always give me a list. Why? Because I want to provide them with what they most want and need. I could give them what I think they need, but that isn’t how I want to approach it.

For complete show notes go to http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/14