0:04

Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with

0:06

Gil and Renee , where amazing

0:09

things happen .

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Our goal is to help build , repair

0:12

and restore healthy relationships .

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Hey , it's Renee and Gil from the Rich

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Relationship Podcast

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Refuge .

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All that , all that . We

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are so honored and excited

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. We have some special guests with us today , our

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rich friends , and they are

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going to share their love

0:32

, ups and downs and story

0:34

with you guys . Please welcome

0:36

our amazing rich friends , corey

0:40

and Tamika Jefferson

0:42

Yay .

0:44

And before we actually get started , we want to set

0:46

this up for you guys , because one

0:48

thing that good , well , one thing that

0:50

is good that came out of the , that

0:52

the pandemic . I

0:55

wasn't going to say that .

0:55

But that's okay .

0:56

But the thing that happened a couple years ago

0:58

was , I think it there

1:01

was a lot of tragedy . Obviously , a lot of

1:03

people had sufferings and things like that and

1:06

our hearts go out to them , but there

1:08

was also a lot of good that came out of it , and

1:11

I think the book the Rich Relationship

1:13

, refuge One is Cold . All those things gave

1:16

us an opportunity to meet some amazing people

1:18

that we physically didn't meet . This is one

1:20

thing that , if you are in social media and you do

1:22

things , this is how social media can be

1:24

a benefit to you . It can be Because we

1:27

met these two amazing people through

1:29

social media , never met each other

1:31

never been in each other's presence physically

1:33

until this morning .

1:35

Yes .

1:36

But now it seems like we've known them for

1:38

years because we actually got there . And they're going

1:40

to share a little bit of their story with you , but

1:49

this is something that we want to just set out for you as you watch this episode and as you listen

1:51

to it on the podcast , because y'all hear us talk all the time about stuff . Well , we have some

1:53

people that are on the same track and we appreciate you guys

1:55

coming here and standing up . I just want to throw

1:57

that out there , just so everybody knows

1:59

exactly like where we're coming from with

2:02

this .

2:02

Who are these people in washington ? Yeah , exactly because

2:04

they are rich friends and we already talked about what rich

2:07

means . It's our friends who have

2:09

, who are resilient , they have integrity

2:11

, they walk in compassion and

2:14

what is it r-i-c-h

2:17

? And they are humble

2:19

they walk in humility , so that's a rich stands

2:22

for in our community so we'll

2:24

give it up to you guys .

2:25

Why don't y'all tell them a little bit about you guys

2:27

and where you're from , and just a little bit about

2:29

you ?

2:29

guys and how long you've been married .

2:30

Yes , absolutely about that part .

2:32

All right , we're the Jeffersons . I'm Corey . This

2:34

is my wife , tamika . We've been married

2:36

forever . What's

2:40

forever what .

2:41

What's forever ? What's forever , tell us ? Tell us , corey Been

2:43

married for 25 years . Wow , woo

2:47

, 25 . That's a blessing .

2:50

It's been a blessing

2:53

. We enjoy hanging out with each other and spending time with each

2:56

other and chasing our kids around

2:58

.

3:00

Yeah Well

3:05

, I mean , we just , tag team , like I call it .

3:06

Yeah , it's good .

3:07

We tag team when he's strong , I'm

3:09

weak , and where I'm weak , he's strong , that's it

3:11

. We just tag team .

3:12

How did you guys meet ? We

3:16

always ask this story because everybody got their version

3:18

, so give them a little bit of the brief

3:20

version of how you guys act .

3:21

The real version . Oh , here

3:23

we go , here we

3:25

go , here we go . You tell your version , and

3:27

you tell your version .

3:28

Or you clean it up for him .

3:30

I'll let him , tell it , go ahead , tell your story .

3:32

Thomas , we

3:34

met at a physical therapy clinic I was working

3:36

at here in San Antonio . She

3:41

was an intern , you were an intern and I

3:43

was working with a therapist who was

3:46

super busy .

3:47

So from time to time she would give me tasks to

3:49

give to the interns . So

3:52

you were her boss . No , I'm

3:54

just kidding . Boss

3:56

life , okay , okay . She

4:00

had to do what I said , but

4:02

we won't call it that other thing .

4:04

Okay , yeah

4:06

, but there's a patient that was

4:09

dedicated for pull therapy and

4:11

I wanted Tamika to do that

4:13

duty because I actually wanted to see her in the bathing

4:15

room , so I thought she was

4:17

cute .

4:18

You're trying to tell the real

4:20

story .

4:21

Come on , Tamika , tell the story .

4:23

I was my last clinical affiliation

4:26

. Actually , this is like the anniversary of us

4:28

actually meeting . The April 1st was

4:31

our

4:33

was my first day at that location and

4:36

it was my last clinical affiliation . I was about

4:38

to graduate , so he worked there

4:40

for a few weeks . We got to know

4:42

each other , but he was in a relationship . I was in a relationship

4:45

, we Nothing happened there , but years

4:48

later , about a year later a

4:50

year later he

4:53

was the designated driver for his brother

4:55

and some friends to go out or

4:57

whatever , and I ended up . I

4:59

had just broken up with the person I was

5:01

with prior and I didn't want to go nowhere , I didn't

5:03

want to talk to nobody , but my cousins

5:05

pulled me out of the house to be

5:08

their designated driver . So

5:10

we ended up at the same location

5:12

and I ran into him again and

5:15

that was it .

5:15

But you weren't in the bathing suit

5:18

no , no , no , no but

5:21

he still had the picture of you in the bathing suit , did

5:24

you not ?

5:25

yes , so

5:28

that just proves that men are

5:30

visual so

5:34

, um , yeah , so we met up

5:36

there and , um , we

5:38

started talking , but I was at

5:41

that time I had moved back to houston

5:43

, he was here in San Antonio and

5:45

I had did some work there

5:47

and we just , you know , started

5:49

talking and I ended

5:52

up a few months later moving back

5:54

to San Antonio , okay , and then that's

5:56

when everything started blossoming

5:58

. Who

6:01

hit who up first ? Actually , no

6:04

, you did not . Yes , I did Okay .

6:09

So how long did you date before you got married

6:11

?

6:12

About a year—a little bit

6:14

over a year , a little more than a year . A little more than

6:16

a year , maybe a year and a half , okay , wonderful

6:18

.

6:18

Yeah .

6:20

We—because we

6:22

started in the fall of one year

6:24

. No

6:31

, it was in the summer of of 97

6:33

and we got married December of 98 .

6:35

So even when you're going through the dating cycle . So we talked about a little bit

6:37

about how you guys met and you guys had a

6:39

brief kind

6:41

of courtship , if you want to call it that . What

6:44

was something , if you can think about it , that stood out

6:46

to you while you were dating that you guys kind of focused

6:49

on ? As it related to because you are two individuals

6:51

and I'm kind of tying this into what they wrote

6:53

in the book about the inventory , because they

6:55

did a great chapter in the book and we highly

6:57

encourage you to check it out about the

6:59

inventory , about that time of you

7:01

looking at yourself and

7:03

you focusing on you before you become

7:06

one . So what was something that you guys intentionally

7:08

kind of thought about ? Or , if you can remember

7:10

, something that you guys were focused on in

7:12

a dating stage .

7:14

In the dating stage for me . When

7:18

I met Corey , I

7:20

saw him as someone that I knew

7:22

would be a

7:25

great leader and he was a family

7:27

man and he loved to go to church

7:29

and as I was dating

7:31

, there was not a lot of guys that wanted to go to church

7:33

All three of those . Yeah they would not

7:35

and I would ask

7:37

people . They didn't want to go , but he

7:40

asked me to go to church with

7:42

him . So I was like , oh Okay

7:45

, okay , you get some points for that . Yes

7:47

, and he was always kind and very

7:49

protective of me

7:51

and with

7:54

me , I was always athletic and

7:56

moving around and everything . So

7:58

I needed a strong built man , robust

8:01

. So

8:04

I got that . But

8:07

as far as the inventory , I

8:09

was learning about myself . I was in

8:12

my early 20s when I

8:14

met him , but the

8:16

inventory really took place after marriage

8:18

. Yes , it really did . I mean

8:20

, you know , learning more about myself as

8:22

a person and then learning about

8:24

him too and learning how you

8:27

know , how are we going to manage this

8:29

for a lifetime ? Because I didn't want to

8:31

live as a woman , as a mom , I learned

8:33

a lot of things not to do . Oh , wow

8:35

, so yeah , yeah .

8:59

And I can agree with that , because so many times , we have so many people teaching us what not

9:01

to do , but we have very few people teaching us what to do . Something

9:03

that you said that I think is important , ladies , I want

9:05

you to hear this . The things that she said

9:07

she was attracted to was he

9:09

was a family man , he

9:11

loved god and he was protected . Then

9:15

she said his physical

9:17

characteristics . So many

9:19

times we lead with

9:21

the physical characteristics and we forget

9:23

about the character characters , what really

9:25

matters . So thank you for sharing that . What were you thinking ?

9:27

cory , we lead with the physical characteristics and we forget about the character . Characters

9:29

are what really matter , so thank you for sharing that . What were you thinking

9:31

, corey ?

9:31

about when you were dating , miss Tamika . Well , when we were

9:33

dating , I think we had gone out maybe

9:36

six months or so and

9:38

we were at this party . One

9:40

of my cousins had a birthday party and we were hanging

9:42

out and

9:45

we were sitting on this bench and I told her I said I got plans

9:47

for you . I was serious

9:49

about it . So I told her , I said

9:51

I got plans for you .

9:53

She goes you do yeah , you

9:55

got to elaborate on that .

9:56

What's the plans ?

9:58

You'll see , you'll see . And

10:00

we ended

10:03

up getting married another what ? Eight

10:05

months after that or something like that . And

10:07

it's funny , one day we

10:10

were talking about well , she had asked

10:12

me about my plans . I was like you're

10:14

living it . When

10:16

I first , when I met you , you were strong , you

10:19

loved God and you

10:24

were beautiful .

10:26

You had a backbone and you had a

10:28

lot of qualities that she

10:32

hates when I say this but a

10:35

lot of the qualities she has are the same qualities that

10:37

my mother has , so

10:39

I saw a lot of that in her and

10:41

how she carried herself , despite

10:44

the things that she'd been going through , in

10:46

the way she was raised .

10:48

Um , she's very close to her

10:50

grandmother and she's probably and out of

10:52

everybody in her family she's the most , she's

10:54

the closest , she's the the most like her grandmother

10:56

, which was a .

10:58

She was a very beautiful woman , smart

11:00

, strong , uh , determined , and

11:02

all those qualities are are in to me

11:04

and I think it's so important that you make

11:06

that emphasis , because , while our

11:09

origin , sometimes they say women look for the

11:11

guys that are like their dads , and sometimes

11:13

it's the vice versa with women . Guys

11:15

are attracted to people like their mom , and

11:17

that doesn't mean mom is going to take care

11:19

of you or I'm looking for a woman to take care of

11:21

you , and I'm sure that's what you were kind of emphasizing

11:24

. But when you find someone

11:26

to have those characteristics of

11:28

a good quality woman , that's

11:31

what you should be building your list upon , not

11:33

somebody to wash and clean and

11:36

cook and all those things that maybe your mom

11:38

and them did .

11:38

Those are just tasks , yeah .

11:40

You're looking for someone that you can partner in with

11:42

, because if you think about the list that

11:44

Corey just gave , it wasn't about

11:46

her doing tasks like a domestic

11:49

servant type thing . It was somebody to

11:51

partner in with .

11:52

And I noticed he didn't mention anything sexual

11:54

.

11:55

No .

11:56

Oh , so that wasn't a problem with

11:58

this either .

12:01

Now you mentioned something in the book that I want to actually

12:03

bring up during this episode because I think it was

12:05

really important about . One

12:07

of the things that we kind of talked about

12:09

was a struggle that couples may

12:11

go through when it comes to disagreement , and

12:13

you guys both are spiritual people and

12:16

sometimes you're going to have spiritual disagreements

12:18

. Can you talk a little bit about

12:20

the church , selection

12:22

of a church , because a lot of couples go through this

12:24

about how they're going to worship

12:27

and if they have a disagreement , how

12:29

do you handle that ? How did you guys handle that

12:32

? And I love the story and I want you guys to elaborate on that one . Well , we

12:34

can both talk

12:36

, okay um , she grew

12:38

up baptist .

12:39

I grew up church of christ . I grew up going

12:41

to church every Sunday with my mom . My

12:44

dad didn't go to church that often until

12:47

later on in his life . But I grew

12:49

up going to church not

12:53

really a church

12:55

people kind of person , but I go

12:57

to appreciate the word

12:59

of God and listen to it and apply it to my life and

13:02

when I found Tam was

13:04

some , that was something that that she was doing at

13:06

the same time as well . Um , we

13:09

just had a lot

13:11

of things in common and

13:13

as far as we were looking

13:15

for a church , we had a lot of things in common , but the

13:18

church thing wasn't . It was the one

13:20

constant that was not coming . Every , every

13:22

Sunday was an argument Are we going

13:24

here , are we going there ? Are we going to my church ? Are

13:26

we going to your church ? Are we going to a church you like

13:28

? So I

13:31

got to a point where she was always

13:33

telling me you can try to go to Baptist churches

13:35

. You don't even try , you're just not even going to try

13:37

. I'm like we'll go , let's

13:40

go . So we ended up going . We see , I let her

13:42

pick it and we went and uh , we

13:45

went for a few years , not a few years went for a

13:48

few , uh , few few weeks , and

13:50

she didn't like what

13:52

was going on at the church . So we ended up going to

13:54

another one . This time I picked it and

13:56

I didn't like the pastor and I didn't like what he was

13:58

talking about and the church people

14:01

, uh . So this went on for

14:03

10 years .

14:05

Wow , that's a long time

14:07

.

14:07

You mean God didn't do it in like a week , you

14:09

mean it wasn't like 24 hours

14:12

. 21 days .

14:13

Over those 10 years , those fights got worse and

14:15

worse and worse , to the point where we didn't

14:17

want to go to church .

14:18

Yeah , so the

14:21

changing point was that

14:23

day he's talking about . We were

14:25

going to a church , we intended to go to a church

14:27

, but we were late for that church and

14:30

we just so happened to be on the street of

14:32

another church that we were invited to . He was

14:34

invited to and

14:37

something in me just said

14:39

God , god in me , the Holy . Ghost . Yes

14:41

the Holy Ghost in me told

14:43

me concede , just

14:45

let it go this

14:48

is the opposite of work submit , submit

14:50

. Yes , because

14:53

if I'm gonna live god's will , god's

14:55

will is for me to submit , and

14:58

so I did , you know , and that

15:00

was a changing point for all of us for our

15:02

kids , for him , for me

15:04

, and we're going to the same church now . We've been

15:06

there for 15 years .

15:08

So what was it like with that that

15:10

come to that epiphany of submitting ? How did it feel

15:12

after you decided to submit ? How

15:14

did it feel for you internally

15:16

?

15:18

it was like casting that that

15:20

care upon the lord and he'll

15:22

make your burden light . You know , that's

15:24

that's what it was . It

15:27

was a relief when

15:30

I saw my children when they came out of the children's

15:32

church . They were so elated , they were

15:34

happy , and

15:39

that gave me the signal this

15:41

is a church for you and the church .

15:43

It's a Church of Christ church , but it is

15:45

more modern

15:48

or liberal than the traditional

15:51

churches of Christ , so

16:01

it has some principles that are not as staunch as some that I feel the traditional churches of Christ

16:03

have been , and so it wasn't so much the denomination , it

16:06

was the application of the Bible and

16:08

how it makes you feel welcome .

16:09

Yes , now , cory , did you during that time

16:12

when she decided to submit , was that like

16:14

you had a sense of what's going on

16:16

? Or did you know she was just acquiescing

16:19

and just saying , okay , I'm gonna let you lead ? Or was that a

16:21

conversation ? It was a conversation

16:23

?

16:23

okay , um , it was a conversation it's something

16:25

that that , uh , like I said , we're talking about

16:27

it in that , in the car , in the car , and

16:30

to me it's like she said

16:33

I , I give up , I'm

16:35

submitting , we're gonna do it what you

16:37

said and we'll we'll see

16:39

where it goes .

16:40

Now , when he she did that , did you go ? Yeah , that's

16:42

right , that's what you're gonna do . And I tell

16:44

you , I was .

16:45

I wasn't sure about the church we're getting ready to go

16:47

to either . So , um , I was just

16:49

glad that she was open to it , right , and

16:51

we're going to work it out from there

16:54

.

16:54

And that's so important because and I jokingly

16:56

said that , but that's what it's

16:58

talked about the Bible talks about the two things that

17:01

men are supposed to do , which is to love their

17:03

wife unconditionally , like Christ loved the church , but also to lead

17:05

yeah , christ loved the church , but also to lead , yeah

17:08

. And when you led that way and you said that

17:10

was a practical , real world

17:12

example of leading

17:14

your family . And submission from

17:16

submission and leading , and we're going to use

17:18

that one forever .

17:19

And he said we're going to church somewhere today . So

17:25

he turned into that church .

17:26

So he led , and that's beautiful . So he turned into that church

17:28

, so he led and you led him there . That's beautiful .

17:31

Why don't you say that ? Because the church we were at before

17:33

that it was a Valentine's

17:35

Day thing and for

17:37

some reason you couldn't ever gain access

17:40

to the minister , okay , and ask him

17:42

questions or anything like that . But

17:44

I just cornered him because we were there and he was there and

17:47

I was like , look bro , I

17:49

got this issue . My wife and

17:51

I didn't grow up in the same kind

17:53

of churches and we're trying to figure out

17:55

where we need to go . What

17:57

would you do ? He said you're

18:00

the man , ain't you Just like that

18:02

? Yeah , exactly . So I said , alright , say

18:04

less .

18:05

Say less , and what does that mean to you

18:07

when someone says something like that ?

18:09

well , what he meant was you're

18:12

the husband , you're the lead , right . Do what

18:14

you're supposed to do right , leave . You

18:16

don't necessarily have to leave by being domineering

18:19

mmm , but definitely lead

18:21

her to where it's

18:23

. It's gonna be a situation good

18:25

for both of you . And

18:27

when he said said it , it kind of made me upset

18:30

Not necessarily upset I was like that's

18:33

too simple to be the answer Do

18:36

what you do , do what you're supposed to do . It's

18:38

my fault . It is my

18:40

fault and say that again it

18:44

was my fault .

18:45

That's so challenging for me because I get

18:47

this question from a lot of the guys that I talk

18:49

to doing this kind of thing . But they

18:52

want to know what does that look like ? And sometimes

18:54

it can be . For me it was intimidating

18:57

in the beginning because you know what's

18:59

at stake . You know it's not just

19:01

me making it . When you're single , you make a choice or

19:03

decision . It's just you who want to suffer the consequences

19:06

. But when you have a family and

19:08

you know I make something as a decision , like

19:10

what church are we going to go to , and

19:13

if I pick wrong , guess who's going

19:15

to be accountable for that ? Right , and

19:17

so that's a heavy weight and

19:26

I think sometimes us men don't take that serious enough . You know , or have someone challenge us to

19:28

say do what you know to be right . You guys talked a little bit about struggles , just like

19:30

this . You had a church struggle and I'm sure you guys have

19:32

had challenges growing together

19:34

in marriage . Why

19:39

do you think some couples struggle when it comes to just everyday

19:42

things , when they go from being single individuals to now they marry and they

19:44

still have struggles ?

19:47

Because it's the struggle of two wheels

19:49

. You know you're , you come from

19:51

a background , and they come from a background

19:53

and they're gonna clash eventually . They

19:55

don't clash and so

19:57

, like I , like I said before

20:00

the that that Christ

20:02

is the center yes . Christ

20:05

is the center , he , he is

20:07

the common ground , the common denominator

20:10

, and when you go into him and

20:12

your husband's going to him , then

20:14

you are meeting at

20:17

the common ground space and he

20:19

is the forever part he holds

20:21

forever in his hands . We're

20:24

temporary people , we're mortals

20:26

, so we're going to change

20:28

, we're going to get older , we're going to get sick , 're going to , but

20:31

with him it's forever . So

20:33

that's where you go , that's your guide , that's

20:35

your compass , that's your , your everything

20:37

so that's why you have

20:40

to have christ and

20:42

I .

20:43

Just that was one of the things you know , because

20:45

for us , we've been working in servant immersion

20:47

for 18 years and , if I had to

20:49

say , the one thing that I realized

20:51

is the most important thing is that how

20:54

could you go into something that god created

20:56

and not let

20:58

him be in the center of it and expect

21:01

for it to work right ? So if you're dating

21:03

or thinking about getting married

21:05

, or even if you are married , if christ

21:07

is not in the center , trust

21:09

me , it will fail

21:12

.

21:12

He has to be at the center of

21:14

your heart and your marriage for it to work so

21:16

, of course , from your perspective , what does that look like

21:18

from the guy's side of the street ?

21:20

well , I was going to add to that . Yeah

21:23

, yeah , as far as , because she said christ

21:25

is the center and in the book we talk

21:27

about the unity candles the two candles that are

21:29

at the end . Yeah , yeah , and christ in the center and in the book we talk about the

21:31

unity candles , the two candles there at the end . Yeah , yeah , christ

21:33

in the center , and you can't have a marriage without keeping

21:35

Christ in the center .

21:37

Right , it's true and

21:39

she and I we .

21:41

We may have fought a lot going

21:44

leading up to being able to go to

21:46

the same church and figure all that stuff out

21:48

, but through all that it was a lot of prayer yeah

21:50

and God got us closer throughout

21:53

all that . So those struggles tend to get

21:55

you a little bit closer right , and when

21:57

I say closer , that means us to being closer and

21:59

us two as one getting closer to Christ yeah

22:02

, because I think sometimes when couples feel

22:05

that difficulty or they feel that , um

22:07

, tension , they naturally we , we're just

22:09

going to give up something that's wrong .

22:11

You're going to , like you said , you're going to have your

22:13

differences . So what made you

22:15

guys say , instead

22:18

of just giving up and going your separate ways , what made you

22:20

guys press in and

22:22

say , no , we're going to make this work ?

22:25

Well , both of us believe in

22:27

vows and we

22:29

believe in God's promises

22:31

, and those things never

22:34

fail . So we

22:36

. For me , I

22:38

always humble myself because , you

22:40

know , I could . I don't know , I

22:42

don't know if it's because I'm a competitive person or

22:44

something , but I always feel like , oh , I'm

22:46

this , I'm that , there's something wrong with him and him and him , you know . And then God was like , uh , excuse

22:48

me , but I know , feel like , oh , I'm this , I'm that , and there's something wrong with him and him , and him and him . And

22:51

then God was like uh , excuse me , but I

22:53

know both of y'all . God

22:55

was like I know both of y'all , and you ain't

22:57

too great either . And

23:00

so I started seeing myself and I'm

23:02

like , okay , I'm going to hush now .

23:06

And isn't it wonderful when you have that moment , because

23:08

I know we first got married Lord he

23:10

need to do this , and Lord he need to do that , and

23:12

they need to do this . And he said , how about I show you ?

23:14

you , because , when I show you

23:16

, you then you'll begin .

23:18

I said every time I come to you , I'm beginning to

23:20

realize that you're always telling me about me

23:22

. So we start off with couples

23:24

. There's no such thing as marriage problems

23:26

there . There's no such thing as marriage problems . They're individual problems

23:28

that you bring into your marriage . You bring problems , he

23:31

brings problems , and you have to take them both to

23:33

the Lord Right .

23:37

So was there something , corey , that you thought about when you were in your singleness and

23:40

you decided to get married , that you

23:42

realized that was going to be a struggle for

23:44

you individually coming into

23:47

it , struggle

23:49

, or something that was going to be challenging that

23:52

maybe that you didn't think ? Or if you had to give yourself

23:54

advice , young Corey advice , knowing

23:56

what you know . Now , after 25 years

23:58

, what is something that you say , bruh

24:00

? You need to be made aware of this .

24:05

That's a good question To

24:07

25 years . What would I tell young

24:09

Corey ?

24:10

I would tell him well , we have a young

24:12

Corey .

24:16

Speak to him , speak to young .

24:17

Corey , we speak to you , young Corey .

24:20

My advice to my son was when

24:22

you start dating , you make sure

24:24

that she believes in God and she loves God . You

24:27

do that first and foremost , that she believes in

24:29

God and she loves God . You do that first and foremost . All the other stuff

24:31

, as far as the looks , and all that stuff that comes way

24:33

down to the end you want to make good family values

24:36

, that

24:38

she loves God and

24:41

that you guys actually pray together . Yeah

24:43

, and that's some of the advice

24:45

that I would tell young Cora

24:47

. Also

24:52

, the other advice I would give him was to

24:54

Look at yourself and

24:56

make sure that you're a better person

24:59

. Make sure that you're able to Handle

25:04

being a provider , handle being a father . Are you ready

25:06

for any of that that stuff ? Do you know what goes along with it ? Are you able

25:08

to handle being a good father ? Are you

25:10

a good example ? Try not to have all

25:13

the baggage that you grew up with come

25:15

into your marriage .

25:19

Some of it's going to come .

25:20

But find somebody that is going to be

25:23

there with you and fight with you

25:25

, fight for you through all that

25:27

.

25:28

I have a question , because we get so many people in

25:30

the community who ask so many questions and

25:33

they always say I love what you guys are saying , but

25:35

how do you do that ? So

25:38

, as a man , as a black man , what

25:40

is one thing that you do every

25:43

day that makes the things

25:45

you're explaining ? How

25:47

do you make that happen ?

25:50

Well , it's

25:52

constant prayer . Tamika

25:55

and I pray at night , before we go to bed , but that's not

25:58

the only time we pray . I'll

26:00

pray for her . She'll pray for me throughout the day

26:02

. We'll pray for our children throughout the day . We even have

26:04

things on

26:06

our phone that remind us pray for Corey

26:08

, pray for Taya . Yeah , you know

26:11

, we don't want to miss a day without praying for

26:13

each other . Right , as a family

26:15

, right , staying

26:18

close to God is the best way to

26:21

handle all the things that are going to be thrown

26:23

at you throughout the day , and

26:25

each day is a new day , yeah

26:27

, so just

26:30

stay in constant prayer . Yeah , you know

26:32

whether you're saying it in your head , talking

26:34

to God , or you're on your knees . Yeah

26:37

, think about it . Pray

26:39

to God every day , every

26:41

single day , and that's something that I wasn't doing

26:44

, probably

26:46

. Probably , I

26:50

didn't start doing all that stuff until , probably

26:53

10-15 years ago back

26:56

then I'm like I can handle this , I can do

26:58

that . Do it in your own power . Exactly

27:01

, I'm a man's man , I can handle it , I'm strong .

27:05

I'm as strong as you think you are so

27:08

, tamika , why do you think women

27:10

and I won't say necessarily women , but believers

27:13

kind of struggle and not think

27:15

about god in their marriage

27:17

and why it's important to invite

27:20

a man and be present ? You guys talked a lot

27:22

about how god in the church and the

27:24

values that you had played a role

27:27

in your marriage . Why do you think maybe

27:29

some people underestimate the value of

27:31

that ?

27:33

I'm not sure . I think that

27:35

a lot of people have

27:38

to see a physical manifestation

27:41

of God . You know , they

27:43

have to have a visual of God , since

27:47

he's not a tangible he

27:49

can touch . God they're

27:51

out of sight , out of mind , type of

27:54

thing . Someone asked me on Facebook

27:56

one time well , he wasn't

27:58

asking me , but he had just put a question

28:01

out there why

28:03

is everybody always saying pray to God ? Why

28:05

in our marriage we got to pray

28:07

together to God ? And I told him

28:10

well , god is the author of marriage , he's

28:12

the one who created it . So who will

28:14

bless us in this situation

28:17

? You know , you go to the author of

28:19

it and he was like , oh , I never really

28:22

thought about it like that . Well , he is , he's

28:24

the author , he's the creator , he established

28:26

it , he established marriage . He's

28:28

the creator , he established it , he established marriage

28:30

. So , people , just since

28:33

we're so visual , we have videos

28:35

for everything we have videos and all of

28:37

that you know . It's

28:40

a faith thing . It's all about your faith level

28:42

and knowing that

28:44

he's present and seeing how

28:46

he's evident in life and

28:49

everything that you do . And

28:52

once you get in that

28:54

groove with him , it's

28:57

just beautiful . It's a lifestyle

28:59

. It's really a lifestyle , and

29:02

your lifestyle has to be guided

29:04

by that book , by that Bible . Yes , and

29:09

that's the handbook to your life , and

29:11

I've been since . I

29:14

think I really began studying

29:16

the Bible when I was 21 . I

29:18

didn't really grow up in the church myself

29:21

, but I always had God

29:23

with me , you know , I always had . My

29:25

grandmother was the person who would

29:27

. Whenever I was with her , we would go to church with

29:29

her and , um , I

29:32

learned a lot about christ and and

29:34

she , she was always buying me bibles at every

29:36

stage of

29:39

my life and then she gave me the real

29:41

bible and all that , but in

29:43

her influence is who ? how

29:45

I developed my relationship

29:47

with god . You know I wanted to be

29:49

like Christ , so I were started working in the medical

29:52

field because I wanted to heal just like Christ

29:54

. You know , that's my kids , so

29:56

, but you know when I as

30:02

I grew and I still

30:04

wanted that to be

30:06

relational with people and

30:08

be hands-on . So that's why I chose physical

30:11

therapy , because I , you know , help people

30:13

and I help people recover from illnesses to

30:15

walk in again or whatever . So

30:17

that's been my mission , my

30:19

life's Journey . But you

30:22

, just you have to have that lifestyle .

30:23

Yes , and I love

30:26

that you said you

30:29

guys both have said it the

30:31

H in rich humility

30:33

. And so many times people say

30:35

, well , what does it look like , what does it mean to be in Christ

30:37

? It's humility

30:40

. We have to check our

30:42

pride , our desire

30:44

to be private and our

30:47

ability to be proud

30:49

. If we check that at the door

30:51

. That opens up the door

30:53

for gratitude and serving

30:56

and loving and leading

30:58

and submitting . And so

31:00

so many times people are so used to people

31:03

talking about going to church

31:05

we're talking about . We're talking about being the church

31:07

we're talking about . We're talking about being the church . We're talking about people

31:09

looking at your life . You know , if

31:11

you say people are visual not

31:13

that our marriages are perfect and not that we have it all

31:15

figured out , but we want

31:17

to be a physical , walking , living , breathing

31:20

example to you all of

31:22

what a godly , god-honoring

31:24

marriage looks like . And so that's why

31:26

we bring our rich friends on here , so that you guys

31:28

can see that there are people who look

31:30

like you , who love Jesus and

31:32

have a good marriage . And so I

31:34

have a question for both of you . If

31:37

you were talking to someone who

31:40

was in the dating

31:42

stage , what would be something

31:44

you would say they need to be working on

31:46

before they go into their

31:49

thinking about dating ? What should they be working on

31:51

before they start dating ? Either

31:54

one of you can answer first .

31:57

What should they be thinking about before they start

31:59

dating ? Yes , as individuals , as

32:01

individuals , individuals

32:29

. Well , I think that they should . They should want to kind of look at themselves and see what

32:31

they haughty am . I too , you know , am I expecting something of you that

32:33

I don't expect of myself ? Because

32:35

that's a big one , you know , a lot

32:37

of this culture today is

32:39

he's gonna take care of me , he's gonna buy me

32:41

, and they do that pause

32:44

that that . Stop that

32:46

yes .

32:50

They expect what ?

32:50

they can get from someone instead of what they can give . Oh man I love

32:53

that how they can serve or how they can do

32:55

for someone else .

32:56

So you said you should come to the relationship

32:58

to give and serve and not to

33:00

take , take . Yes , you're a

33:03

jerk

33:06

.

33:06

Gloria , You're a jerk

33:10

, I would

33:12

tell them to make a list of

33:15

all the things that they want in

33:17

their spouse or their girlfriend

33:19

or boyfriend or whatever , and

33:30

, after they read that list , ask themselves how many of those qualities do

33:32

you need ?

33:33

yes , wow , yeah , so start by trying to fulfill those qualities that you exactly be

33:35

the list , be the list , be the list right , like what you see in the mirror

33:37

.

33:37

Yeah , right but you know it is so

33:39

easy just to take and

33:41

look for things in other people that that's

33:44

for single people to do , that Stay single

33:46

then . Yeah

33:49

, if you selfish .

33:50

Stay single . Nobody want to be with

33:52

you if you selfish .

33:53

And that's the point that I was getting to . Thank

33:56

you , baby , for giving

33:58

me my point . And

34:01

that's what happens to you After you've been with somebody for a while .

34:03

They're going to finish your sentences .

34:05

She's doing it right now they're going to finish your sentences . See , she's doing it right now . They're

34:07

going to finish your sentences and we appreciate

34:09

you guys coming and hanging out with us . You know the

34:11

time flies , but as we're closing

34:13

out , why don't you guys just if you

34:15

are going to now ? We talked about the singles

34:17

. What piece of advice would you give somebody

34:19

before they walk down that aisle ? I

34:28

love that you said about the vows earlier . You mentioned

34:30

vows and promises that you do at a wedding . One

34:32

piece of advice that you would give that couple that is the day before their

34:35

wedding that they need to be mindful about as

34:37

they go towards those years together

34:39

um

34:54

, first of all , we , we pray together .

34:55

A lot of couples , they , they don't pray together . They think , oh , I'm praying , he's praying , he's

34:57

praying , yeah , or you know , but together , when

34:59

you come together , then you're in

35:01

unity , you're , you're in

35:03

one mind , you're in one body , you

35:05

know , and so that's a

35:08

ministry together . That I

35:11

think is vital . Just

35:13

continue to do that . And it doesn't have to be

35:15

a long drawn out prayer it

35:17

can be . Thank you , father , for our unity

35:20

, thank you for our home , thank you for you know

35:22

, prayers don't have to be requesting

35:24

something . Prayers

35:26

can be that prayers can be painful parents could just

35:28

be great gratitude

35:30

, you know just . Thank you , lord . Thank you

35:32

, we made it today .

35:33

They made out of traffic and into our

35:35

house today and sometimes our prayer needs to

35:37

be those of repentance .

35:39

Yes , forgive me for being so hardy .

35:42

Forgive me for being so selfish , so

35:44

snatchy , so grabby , so tanky

35:46

.

35:47

That could be a prayer .

35:48

That could be a prayer .

35:50

You don't have to be drawn out

35:52

, but just something simple

35:54

, every day , every day , step by

35:56

step . That's awesome

35:58

.

35:59

How about you , sir ?

36:01

Mine , I would say communication

36:04

. You're

36:07

in constant communication with God . God

36:09

knows you , god knows what you're about

36:12

and knows your flaws and your

36:14

strengths and your weaknesses . Express

36:17

those strengths and weaknesses to your spouse .

36:20

Don't be afraid , be vulnerable .

36:25

It's hard for a lot of us to do , to be vulnerable

36:27

. We want our spouse or girlfriend

36:29

to think that we're strong enough to handle anything

36:31

and everything , and that we're perfect and we don't have

36:33

any flaws .

36:34

And sometimes you have to tell your

36:36

spouse the hard things about themselves

36:38

and you have to be humble

36:41

enough to accept okay , this is , you

36:43

know , they are your mirror pretty much

36:46

. Oh say that again .

36:46

They're your mirror , he's not there when you say that .

36:49

Your spouse is your mirror for real

36:52

, and they're not . When they give

36:54

you these criticisms , it's a constructive

36:56

meaning building criticism .

36:58

Because you're building a life together .

36:59

You're building a life , the bricks

37:02

, you know Right . Say it lovingly .

37:04

Say it lovingly yeah

37:11

you know , say it lovingly and with patience and humility and compassion and integrity

37:14

.

37:14

One thing that I've learned from him which I'm not a yelly person

37:16

or a naggy person , but he taught

37:18

me that men don't like all that . And

37:22

my son , he's 20 now he's about to be 21

37:24

. You know , like

37:26

you know , I'm mama , so now I've learned

37:28

to quiet , let

37:30

daddy do it . You know , whatever

37:32

Corey tell that boy you know

37:34

, so he'll listen to his dad sooner than me

37:37

, because they just eh .

37:39

I think they hear our voice so much .

37:42

Sometimes you need to hear the same information

37:44

from a different voice so you can take

37:46

it in .

37:46

Thank you .