0:01

Welcome to the Rock the Bedroom podcast

0:04

where we talk about sex and intimacy

0:06

. Hi , I'm Lee Jagger and

0:08

as a sexologist , I've helped thousands

0:10

of women spice things up in the bedroom

0:13

, even if intercourse is off

0:15

the table . And this is the

0:17

first non-sex sex podcast

0:19

that shows women how to be more confident

0:22

in the bedroom , create passion

0:24

and playfulness in the relationship and

0:26

have the best sex of their lives

0:28

. Just a heads up I will

0:30

not be censoring my guest's language

0:33

, so you may hear the occasional F-bomb

0:35

. Get ready for a juicy

0:37

conversation as we explore how

0:40

to rock the bedroom . I'm

0:45

kind of jumping out of my skin right now . I could

0:47

not be happier to be hosting

0:49

this episode and providing

0:51

entertainment and hopefully some

0:53

inspiration on

0:56

how to have a

0:58

fabulous love life . Just

1:00

a heads up we

1:02

will be talking about sex . We

1:05

will be talking about body parts

1:07

. That is intentional , because

1:10

we can't rock the bedroom

1:12

and have a better sex life if we don't talk about

1:14

this stuff . So there

1:17

is so much taboo around

1:19

the subject , which just

1:22

keeps people in the dark and feeling

1:24

alone in their sexual dissatisfaction

1:27

and not feeling like they can talk

1:29

to anyone and get help , and

1:31

so many people desperately need help

1:34

in their sex lives . So

1:36

that is exactly why I wanted to

1:38

create this podcast to

1:40

educate people , to

1:42

make this not such a forbidden subject

1:45

. I want to normalize

1:47

this conversation that we desperately

1:50

need to have , and I've been

1:52

doing this with my clients

1:54

for years now , helping thousands

1:56

of women feel more empowered in the bedroom

1:59

and in their relationships in general and

2:03

be able to like , find their voice

2:05

and ask for what they want and say no

2:07

to the things that they don't want , so

2:09

that they can have well

2:12

, basically , a happier and more fulfilling

2:14

relationship . And

2:16

I want to now bring this to

2:18

a bigger audience and inspire more women

2:21

to let them know that

2:23

they can have more in

2:25

their sex life . And that's

2:27

why I have joined me to do

2:31

so . Excited A woman who

2:33

I deeply admire for

2:35

how open she is , as

2:37

just this eternal perpetual

2:39

learner she's

2:42

I mean , with me , she's learning how

2:44

to feel more confident and how to communicate

2:47

better in relationships , even though she's amazing

2:49

at it already . I

2:51

just I liked her from the moment

2:53

that we met what

2:55

is that ? A couple years ago now , oh my gosh and

2:57

I couldn't be more excited to have Michelle

3:00

join me today . So thank you so much

3:02

for being on the show , michelle , welcome

3:04

.

3:05

Oh , my gosh , what an introduction

3:08

that is . I'm

3:10

so flattered that you

3:12

speak that highly of me , because

3:14

I can totally reciprocate

3:16

those feelings back to you . Lee , when

3:19

I first met you and saw

3:21

you in your program , I was like I

3:24

like this woman , I really like

3:26

her . I mean , I loved what I learned , but

3:28

I just there were . You're so

3:30

genuine and authentic and real

3:33

and that's what pulled me in

3:35

for sure . Oh , nice

3:37

.

3:37

Well , thank you , yeah , and just for

3:39

our listeners , I mean , if you don't know me already

3:41

, yeah , this

3:43

is gonna be real . This isn't gonna be

3:45

so polished . I'm not gonna do

3:47

a lot of editing like

3:49

with the life is real

3:52

and it's not . It's

3:54

not life hasn't been through the

3:57

Facetune app and all smoothed

3:59

out and the wrinkles are gone

4:01

and the blemishes are invisible

4:03

, like life is messy and

4:06

real and raw and we're not perfect

4:08

, and so I certainly am not going to be

4:10

perfect on this podcast . I don't well

4:13

, actually , I think the

4:15

mess is the perfection

4:17

, don't you agree like this

4:19

idea of things

4:22

? Per , we

4:24

want perfection , but

4:26

I think perfection isn't flaw-free

4:29

. Perfection

4:32

is just authentic and real and genuine

4:34

.

4:35

Yeah , for sure . I remember hearing once

4:38

that excellent perfection and excellence

4:40

, excellence is a journey , not a destination

4:42

. Yeah , and I

4:45

always tell people , imperfectly

4:48

, imperfect , so we're

4:51

not . We're fallible humans , like

4:53

we were talking about earlier , and we

4:55

make mistakes and we pull ourselves up and

4:57

get back in the game because everything is

4:59

a learning curve . So , yeah , yeah absolutely

5:02

so .

5:03

This is gonna be a very real podcast . If

5:06

you're new to my world , you yeah

5:08

, this is it . This is real as

5:10

it is . Yeah

5:13

real conversations .

5:16

Two women talking about stuff .

5:18

Yeah , yeah , juices stuff , yeah

5:22

very yummy very yummy

5:24

. But I'm used to that because you know

5:26

we get together every week on the coaching

5:28

calls which I'll tell you all you listeners

5:30

, about later . But yeah

5:33

, every week we get on a coaching call and we

5:35

talk about the stuff that you just didn't learn in school

5:37

, that we should have learned in school . Yeah

5:40

, so talking about all

5:43

things sex and relationship and communication

5:46

and relationships , all that kind of stuff .

5:49

Yeah , can I just say something really quick about that , because

5:51

, being a member of your your group

5:53

, I didn't really know what

5:56

to expect when I chimed in on

5:58

those calls . It was , you

6:00

know , a Q&A thing where we're talking

6:02

about the techniques that we're learning , yada , yada

6:04

. However , lee

6:06

, you go even

6:08

deeper with us as

6:11

your subscribers . That is just

6:13

like a level that I wasn't expecting

6:15

. So it was so

6:18

refreshing to have a

6:20

support system , not just for me

6:22

but for all of us , where we can kind of bounce

6:24

off of each other and hold each

6:26

other up in our womanhood

6:29

. So thank you for that .

6:30

I'm glad I over delivered

6:32

. Excellent For the listeners

6:35

who don't know , because this

6:37

is not in the intro thing . But

6:39

so

6:41

I teach erotic massage

6:44

. That's how most people know me . Oh

6:46

yeah , she's the she . She's touched

6:48

2,000 penises . You know , she's got all these techniques

6:50

on how to massage a guy's privates

6:52

and and so

6:55

. So , yes , I do teach different

6:57

erotic massage techniques for women

7:00

to do on men , or really men

7:02

to do on men and whoever wants to do it on

7:04

men and men's body parts . But

7:08

there , yeah , you're right , there's a deeper level

7:11

here . Like you can't , you

7:13

can't just do these techniques on

7:15

on someone

7:17

who you have a really

7:19

lousy relationship with and

7:22

have no love for

7:24

or no intentions on

7:26

being able to communicate more

7:28

, like that's not going to save your relationship

7:30

. That what

7:33

saves relationships or makes

7:35

good relationships even more fulfilling

7:37

, I think , is the communication

7:40

and the , the empathy , understanding

7:42

how your partner thinks and

7:45

how to say certain things to your partner

7:47

to not make them defensive

7:49

, how to find your voice in the bedroom

7:52

or in the relationship in general . So you could just

7:54

talk about anything you need to , especially

7:56

the tough stuff , like all that stuff

7:59

goes into having a great relationship . So

8:01

I could teach all these massage techniques

8:03

to wow your guy and blow his socks

8:05

off and break his brain a little bit and

8:07

make him see heart emojis , you

8:09

know , looking at you doing

8:12

, doing these , these techniques , but

8:15

at the end of the day that relationship

8:17

is still gonna break up because

8:19

there's more to just being

8:21

in the bedroom which is funny

8:24

because this is a rock the bedroom podcast

8:26

but really I mean wham

8:29

bam , thank you , ma'am and

8:31

mister is just not it

8:34

. It's okay at times , but there's

8:36

more to that , there's more to be had

8:38

, and so I'm I'm

8:40

glad that I'm delivering more than just the

8:43

, just the hands-on

8:45

tech massage technique stuff . I know

8:47

I surprised you with that , that's good yeah

8:50

, I was .

8:50

I was blown away because I belong

8:53

to other support groups and we zoom

8:55

in on you know weekly

8:57

session and I was like that

8:59

, this is like therapy , this is awesome

9:01

, but not only that , it's just women

9:03

who are real and all

9:06

over the world which just

9:08

the other day we had that one that was in from

9:10

Copenhagen . I'm like , oh , this is awesome

9:13

. I'm talking to somebody like halfway across

9:15

the world and it felt

9:18

great and it just it's very supportive

9:20

and it's very warm and cozy and

9:22

I just I'm super appreciative to you for

9:25

that thank you , I appreciate

9:27

you saying that .

9:28

That's always lovely to know

9:30

that my intentions are , they're

9:33

being fulfilled , like they're there . Yeah , that's

9:35

exactly how I want everybody to feel

9:38

in the program . But I'm

9:40

not here to talk about the program , I want to talk about you

9:42

. So because you are

9:44

so fascinating and I love how you are

9:46

so eager to jump in and

9:49

help other women on the call and , you

9:51

know , put in your two cents worth and your

9:53

perspective , which

9:56

I find very valuable . But

9:59

so before you even knew

10:02

about Lee Jagger , before you came

10:04

across me in my world

10:07

, what was

10:09

your love life like , like ? What were relationships

10:11

like for you ? Have you been married before

10:13

?

10:15

Yeah , thank you for asking . So

10:17

I was married for

10:19

10 and a half years and

10:22

my

10:25

ex-husband had a couple

10:27

of affairs and my saying is

10:29

first time , shame on you . Second time , shame

10:31

on me . I

10:35

was trying to work through

10:37

all of that and save the marriage and

10:39

we had two small kids

10:42

, three and five and it

10:44

just it wasn't working . I

10:47

learned in divorce recovery takes two

10:49

people to get married . It

10:51

only takes one to want to divorce , and divorce

10:53

break the marriage up and people

10:55

don't get married with the intention of divorcing . So

10:57

it's a very ugly , hideous , painful thing

11:01

to go through , especially with children . So

11:04

kind of and you don't know this . This

11:06

is really interesting because this is part

11:08

of my story . I totally

11:12

committed myself to my kids

11:14

. So after my divorce I

11:16

was celibate and abstinent and didn't

11:18

date anyone for 11 years

11:21

. Ooh , I

11:23

know , and I was about I

11:25

guess I was sort of 48 , 46

11:27

, 40 somewhere in there , I don't remember . I

11:29

forget how old I am . I'm

11:31

old , but I act like a teenager . My

11:34

head , I'm a teenager , yeah

11:36

. So I just

11:39

didn't want to be in a relationship

11:41

and then divided it with my kids and back and

11:43

forth . I just wanted to focus on my kids and

11:46

I wanted them to have the stability

11:48

and the security and the safe

11:50

place , and this is when

11:53

we were with mom . This

11:55

is comforting and this is she's all about me

11:57

.

11:58

So that is so sweet , by the way , thank you

12:01

. Like I mean to

12:03

be such a good mom . It's easy to be a crappy

12:06

mom . It's hard to be a

12:08

good mom , to be present and to

12:10

make certain sacrifices and

12:12

put your kids first .

12:13

So yeah , and even

12:15

I know you're a mom too , because I know your story

12:18

. But I

12:20

always tell my kids when you grow up you're probably

12:22

gonna think what , why did you do that ? I did

12:24

the best I could with what I knew

12:26

at the time . You know that old Maya

12:28

Angelou saying do your best

12:30

, and when you know better , do better . So

12:35

that's one of the things that drives me as an

12:37

individual . And the kids were in high school

12:40

and I was in . I

12:42

signed up for like a 12 week online

12:44

personal development class and

12:46

I had

12:48

a coach that I would talk to on the telephone . It wasn't

12:50

a Zoom call , it was just a phone call and

12:53

it was week three and at week three

12:55

she wanted to know what my

12:57

intention was or what my goal

13:00

was at the end of the 12

13:02

week program . And I

13:04

was just dragging my feet and self-sabotaging

13:07

and I'm a person who just dives all in head

13:10

first . I'm like okay , let's do this . I

13:12

wanna get through this process as

13:14

quickly as possible . So I talked to

13:16

her on the phone and through a series of

13:18

questions , we kinda honed it down , because there were

13:20

all these different categories you know work , you know

13:22

family , health

13:24

, wellness , relationships and

13:26

we honed it down and I said I got it

13:28

. I know exactly what I wanna do . I

13:31

wanna lose 30 pounds at the end

13:33

of this program . And she was like okay

13:35

, why ? And I was like

13:37

because I think

13:39

that if I lost 30

13:42

pounds I

13:44

would feel more confident in who I

13:46

am and what I look like and I wanna get back in

13:48

the dating pool and I think that Min would be

13:50

more attracted to me . And her first immediate

13:52

response was I was

13:56

like why she goes ? Nope , you're wrong

13:58

, that's a limiting belief , that's

14:00

a limiting belief . And I was like , oh , you're right

14:03

, it is a limiting belief , even

14:05

though I know all these self-improvement

14:08

. You know I follow all of this

14:10

stuff and I have for many , many years . Sometimes

14:13

we get these blind spots , and that was a blind

14:15

spot for me . And she

14:18

said you don't know this about me , michelle

14:20

, because we've never seen each other

14:22

face to face , we've only talked on the telephone

14:25

. But I was born with a condition

14:27

called spina bifida , and

14:30

spina bifida makes it so

14:32

that I have to walk with two canes

14:34

. And when my husband divorced

14:36

me I felt like I

14:39

was never gonna meet anybody else

14:42

again , that I was damaged and nobody

14:44

would ever love me . And that was

14:46

a limiting belief , because now I'm in the most loving

14:48

relationship of my life . So

14:51

I said yeah , you're right . You know , when my

14:53

kids say things that sound judgmental

14:56

or opinionated , I

14:58

never tell them they're wrong

15:00

, but I use that as a parenting

15:02

moment and say you're right . And isn't it

15:04

wonderful that we're all unique

15:07

and we're all different and the world

15:09

is diversified ? And just because

15:11

you don't like it doesn't mean somebody else doesn't

15:13

. It's what makes the world so colorful

15:15

and so beautiful that we're

15:18

all different , unique human beings and

15:20

that there's a lid for every pot and a seat

15:22

for every ass . And just because it doesn't

15:25

work for you . And

15:27

so my coach Roberta

15:29

was like , yeah , exactly . So

15:31

I went online

15:33

that evening and wasn't

15:37

even a dating app on my phone , excuse

15:40

me . It was a website plus

15:42

size or big , beautiful

15:44

women website for dating and

15:47

I just plugged in this , you know half-assed

15:49

, five-minute , whatever pictures

15:52

I had , and by the end

15:54

of the day I had like 20 hits . I'm like

15:56

holy crap , really . And

15:58

then I went on the

16:00

phone and went to the app store and

16:03

found this plus-sized , curvy women dating

16:05

app and I made myself a

16:08

profile there and I started attracting

16:10

all these men . And

16:13

I knew , when

16:15

my marriage ended , my

16:18

ex-husband God bless him , and

16:21

again he only knew what he knew at the time

16:24

blamed me for his

16:26

affairs because he said you gained weight after

16:28

you had kids and I'm not attracted to you . My

16:31

logical mind knew that it wasn't about me

16:33

that it was really about him , and I was

16:36

in therapy too . But my subconscious

16:38

mind really held

16:40

that and created this limiting

16:42

belief that if he's

16:44

not attracted to me , then no man that's gonna

16:47

be attracted to me , which is a big crock

16:49

. So I

16:52

started interacting on this website

16:54

and I was 58

16:56

at the time and I had this 24-year-old

16:58

who was coming after me like gangbusters

17:01

and girl . I'm

17:04

telling you , and I can remember my I

17:06

know right and my therapist

17:09

that was so conflicting too and

17:11

my therapist I remember her telling me

17:13

at the end of the

17:15

divorce and while I was going through my transition

17:18

, she said now I really encourage you to

17:20

start dating right away , because if you don't

17:22

, it's gonna concretize , concretize

17:25

. And I was like in my mind , I'm envisioning this

17:27

big thick layer of concrete

17:29

right and so

17:32

. And I didn't . And

17:35

she said if it concretizes , it's gonna be really difficult

17:37

for you to break through that . So I

17:39

have this young guy who's coming

17:42

after me guns fully loaded

17:44

, and I'm bantering with him in the

17:46

chat room like why me ? And he's like why

17:48

not ? I think you're hot and sexy . I think if we

17:50

met we'd really vibe . I really like your energy

17:52

, blah , blah , blah , and

17:55

using the

17:57

tools that I had learned through from

18:00

that point from my life to that

18:02

point no limiting

18:04

beliefs , barriers down , let it

18:06

go . Why judge ? Just enjoy

18:09

the moment . So we met , we clicked

18:12

. I liked him . He

18:14

took me on dates . He was

18:17

so chivalrous and

18:22

I told him that he was pursuing me and

18:24

wanting to get intimate with me , and I

18:26

told him that we

18:29

were making out . This is so funny , excuse

18:32

me . We were making out

18:34

if any of the listeners live in

18:36

Southern California , you'll know this in

18:38

Huntington Beach , at Lifeguard

18:40

Tower 28 , at

18:43

the corner of PCH and

18:45

Warner , there's a jack-in-a-box there that's

18:47

been there ever since I was a little kid

18:49

. It's still there . We went to

18:51

the Lifeguard Tower and we were having this heavy

18:53

make-out session and I

18:55

was like , okay , just a minute . All of this

18:57

is yummy and delicious

18:59

and I really am enjoying myself

19:02

and I know where you wanna go . However

19:04

, it's been 11 years

19:06

and I don't want my first

19:08

time to be at Lifeguard Tower 28

19:10

in Huntington Beach with

19:13

sand in my butt crack and a spotlight

19:16

shining on me with my

19:18

blouse off from the Lifeguard's telling

19:20

you feet on the clothes

19:22

, you have to leave . I'm like , no , that's not . I

19:25

said I want it to be romantic and

19:27

I want it to be special and

19:30

I wanna buy sexy lingerie so

19:32

I feel feminine and pretty . And

19:36

I said and I choose you

19:39

. So he popped my proverbial

19:41

cherry and he did , he delivered . Then

19:44

I'm listening to all these podcasts

19:46

because I'm a big podcaster , and

19:49

I heard your interview with

19:51

Layla London

19:53

on the Curious Girl Diaries and

19:56

I was smitten

19:59

with your story and I could tell

20:01

again when you told your story

20:03

. It was genuine and authentic and

20:05

I'm a hairdresser by trade but

20:08

I also see pictures . So when people

20:10

talk to me it's like little movies that play in my head

20:12

and envisioning everything that you're

20:15

talking about . And so I went

20:17

and I dug and I found your website and

20:19

then I found that there was this program

20:21

that you offered that was a week long , that was in

20:23

my budget at the time . So I

20:26

joined and I was also part

20:28

of a women's group at the

20:30

time and relayed

20:33

to one of my fellow sisters

20:35

in that group about you and she

20:37

joined . She's in Florida and

20:40

it was great because it was , you

20:42

know , all kind of

20:44

online . We didn't have to go in

20:46

person or anything and

20:49

the Zoom calls were recorded so we could go back

20:51

and re-watch the

20:56

interaction that you had with the girls in

20:58

that group same as like

21:00

what we do every week when we meet with you

21:02

and I was learning these

21:04

wonderful techniques that I was able

21:06

to apply on my young lover

21:08

that I was and

21:11

he was like what are you ? What

21:13

are you doing ?

21:18

So , okay , you're

21:20

back . You're newly back

21:22

into the . You know having

21:25

a sex life again . And so here you

21:27

try . How long had you been

21:29

with this guy before

21:31

you tried some erotic massage techniques

21:33

on him ?

21:34

Well , we was interesting because

21:36

our sex life to and

21:39

I just recently ended my relationship

21:41

with him our sex life together

21:43

was approximately

21:45

three and a half years , and I think we

21:47

became active sexually in 2019

21:50

. And then I took

21:52

your program . Was it last

21:54

year , I believe ? I think it was last year . So

21:57

we , our trans , our

21:59

sexual evolution

22:02

started out very vanilla and then it

22:04

started getting into some different discoveries

22:06

and because we were very comfortable with one

22:08

another and and

22:10

you talk about communication being so important , which

22:13

it is he had a degree

22:15

from Arizona State University in communication

22:18

, so that was one of the things that I

22:20

was really attracted to him about was he

22:23

was open in communication and understood

22:25

, and so we slowly

22:27

introduced all these little things into our

22:29

sex life . And I

22:32

told him that I joined this wonderful

22:34

class to learn

22:36

about erotic massage and that I would like

22:39

to practice on him , and he

22:41

was like , yes , yeah , yeah

22:47

. I remember . Every time I would

22:49

was with him and I would use one of your tools

22:51

, he was like , oh God , I'm so glad you took

22:53

that class . Oh , my gosh , I'm so grateful that you took

22:55

that class . You have no idea

22:57

how lucky I am that you took that class

22:59

. I

23:02

never , ever , had a

23:04

man say that to me prior

23:07

to taking your class . And

23:09

let me just say this other class

23:11

that I was in at the time , where I got my friend

23:14

from Florida to join , was about

23:16

it's about masculine and feminine energy

23:18

and it's about communication skills

23:20

. And it's about you know and you've witnessed

23:22

me do this in our group too where you use

23:24

specific words . It's all about using

23:27

specific words so that you don't create a

23:29

defensive reaction . You create a

23:31

more open , receptive reaction on the

23:33

partner , whoever it is that you're talking to , and

23:37

in her class , what she was teaching

23:39

us as women was you don't let that magic wand in . You know you're

23:41

Antonio , that you have my

23:43

dildo that I can create on sometimes .

23:46

Those of you who don't know the name's

23:48

Antonio Antonio .

23:50

Yeah , so anyways the magic wand

23:52

is being . Demands penis . And she

23:55

was teaching us and coaching us don't let that man's

23:57

penis in your mouth

24:01

, anus or vagina until you've had some type of commitment

24:04

that you're in this long-term relationship

24:06

. So it was

24:08

really geared more towards women who are looking

24:10

to get married and partnered and start

24:12

a family . I'm past that . So she

24:16

said , we'll always tell us it's okay to share affections

24:19

, meaning if you

24:21

go out on a date and you're in an intimate moment , he

24:24

can perform oral sex on you and you can give him

24:26

a hand job . Well

24:29

, a hand job prior to that was spaghetti , spaghetti

24:31

, spaghetti and that's another Lee Jagger term

24:33

Like , yeah , it's like straight

24:35

up and down , up

24:38

and down , up and down , up , and what we all think of

24:40

a hand job to be .

24:41

Yeah . What I love about you describing spaghetti too

24:43

, is everybody

24:47

likes spaghetti .

24:50

Spaghetti is good , but it's not good

24:52

all the time . If all you ever eat

24:54

a spaghetti gets kind of boring , exactly . And

24:56

so that's what my toolbox was Spaghetti . That's

25:00

all I knew was spaghetti , and so it wasn't . It

25:04

didn't feel like I was actually giving pleasure

25:06

, or pleasure to me to just do this

25:09

, you know , like , and to touch a man scrotum

25:14

or even go in and around and really

25:16

discover , even like on an uncircumcised

25:19

penis or whatever , that there are

25:21

these parts that are beautiful and unique and

25:24

that when you're touched them a certain way , they're

25:28

you know , you can feel their bodies quiver

25:30

and you can feel their

25:32

body and you can feel their body

25:34

and

25:36

you can feel their body and you can

25:38

feel their body and

25:41

you can feel them a certain way , they're you know

25:43

. You can feel their bodies quivering because they're

25:45

so enjoying it and

25:48

there's something so freaking , empowering and

25:52

I know you know it because your juju

25:54

is what you teach all of us Like

25:57

, wow , I

25:59

have that power over a man just by touching him and

26:03

I'm like what do I do

26:05

to ? What do I do to ? And where I

26:07

am now with , with your tools and

26:09

my tools .

26:10

Michelle , you seem to me like you just exude

26:12

Confidence , self-esteem

26:16

, like you . You just you

26:18

seem like you're really put together and

26:23

the way you talk it feels especially like when

26:25

you share that you've had

26:28

. You seem very

26:30

confident in

26:32

sexually speaking , and

26:34

so I'm

26:38

curious as to have

26:41

you noticed a shift in your confidence

26:43

since expanding

26:45

your repertoire beyond spaghetti

26:48

and for the listeners

26:50

, so that , if you don't know , I name all of my

26:52

techniques after food to

26:54

make it easier to remember , and

26:56

so that's why we call it spaghetti . But so

26:58

when you expanded your

27:01

repertoire and

27:03

put more sexual tools in your toolbox

27:06

, so to speak , then like

27:08

, did your confidence go up even

27:10

more ? Or did you ? Yeah , tenfold

27:13

.

27:13

And I'm a type A personality

27:15

. I'm an Aries in the

27:17

zodiac sign . I'm

27:20

an Aries son , with a Leo

27:22

moon cancer rising

27:24

. So you know .

27:26

I don't know what any of that means .

27:27

I know , I know it's okay . So I'm into , like , mysticism

27:30

and metaphysical stuff and self-improvement

27:33

and limiting beliefs , and you know manifest

27:35

your magic and you know the law of attract

27:37

. I'm into so many different modalities

27:39

and things , but I

27:42

think just by nature I have

27:44

that . I

27:47

don't know where it came from , but in the bedroom

27:49

, especially after the divorce , when

27:51

my ex-husband told me that he

27:54

wasn't attracted to me because I had gained weight

27:56

. And then I started getting all of those , these

27:58

affirmations and people

28:01

who were attracted to me and you know the comments

28:04

like oh , you're so hot and you're so

28:06

sexy and like , and

28:09

maybe , let me just say from younger men too

28:11

. They weren't . I mean , I did get some

28:13

from who were my age , but the majority of them were from younger

28:16

men hot , hunky , like bodybuilder

28:19

guys . And I'm not

28:21

that woman , I'm a plus size woman

28:23

. You know I put it on my profile

28:25

that I'm a plus size , curvy woman

28:27

. I don't fit the social norms and

28:31

men don't freaking care

28:33

. So when

28:36

I , if I put on my profile

28:38

that I have skills in skills in erotic massage

28:41

, I get all these . I want to be , I want you

28:43

to practice on me and like that . That

28:45

was for anybody who wants to

28:47

put a profile together .

28:50

That's a good hook That'll attract

28:52

some attention .

28:54

It does attract a lot of attention . You don't have

28:56

to have a filter . So you know my lover

28:58

, my young lover . I remember him . This was

29:00

before I met you . But he said to me your

29:02

confidence is so freaking

29:05

sexy Now where

29:08

my confidence comes from in in

29:11

interacting with , with men . And I was just texting

29:13

somebody the

29:16

other day because he's kind of quiet and he doesn't

29:18

really . He doesn't really respond and communicate

29:21

a lot , and he said I've been waiting for you

29:23

and I said thank you so much for letting me

29:26

know that . I just want you to know

29:28

that I am

29:31

a girl of the old school mentality

29:33

and I don't feel

29:35

comfortable texting a man or initiating

29:37

. I feel more attracted

29:40

to a masculine energy who's pursuing

29:42

me . And when you pursue

29:45

me , it makes me feel desired . And

29:47

when I feel desired I feel sexy

29:50

. And when I feel sexy , boy

29:52

, do I want to give and be a

29:54

part of your world . Just connect the

29:56

dots right . So

29:58

it was that simple , but your techniques

30:01

and tools took it to a whole new level . I

30:04

mean , like when people's

30:06

like . I think I even shared with you in an

30:08

email that I was on a date with somebody and we got

30:11

Frisky in the back seat of his car .

30:13

Yeah , that was a juicy email .

30:15

Yeah , we were like having a really appreciate that

30:17

. We were having this hot make

30:19

out session . One

30:22

thing leads to another , and

30:24

all of a sudden my hands

30:26

are in his junk

30:28

and he's like oh yeah

30:32

, you can try , but I don't usually have

30:34

and my intention was not for him to

30:36

happen orgasm , my intention was for him just

30:38

to receive pleasure . And so I slowed it

30:40

down and did the . You know , slow equals moan

30:43

. And here we go and boom , and

30:45

he was like what was that lotion you used

30:47

? It wasn't the lotion . It

30:50

wasn't the lotion it wasn't

30:52

the lotion , and I sent you that

30:54

email about like

30:56

, oh my gosh , it's been over

30:58

a year and I still

31:00

am practicing these techniques and it

31:03

blew his mind , you know , just

31:06

like you said . So those little

31:09

incidents that happen

31:11

, where I'm able to touch

31:13

a man confidently and not be

31:15

afraid , is so empowering

31:17

for a woman who is in her

31:19

sexuality and is open to her

31:22

sexuality , and even those who

31:24

aren't . Because you've got to start somewhere

31:26

and your tools give women

31:28

that confidence

31:30

and that clarity

31:34

of you know how to do

31:36

it , don't be afraid , just do it . So

31:39

thank you , for that .

31:40

Yeah , oh , you're so welcome and yeah

31:42

, I think it's . I think the more

31:44

tools that we , especially

31:47

as women , can have in our toolbox

31:49

whether that be erotic massage

31:51

technique , whether that be communication

31:53

techniques , you know , whatever

31:57

it is like all the tools , the skills

31:59

that us women can have , especially

32:02

in relationships and

32:04

in the bedroom , like intimate

32:06

relationships , I

32:09

think the better off we are , because for

32:11

millennia we've

32:15

been repressed

32:17

and we've been the air

32:20

quote I'm air quoting for those of you who can't

32:22

see , who are listening in your car

32:24

or whatever . We have

32:27

been the weaker species . We have been

32:29

the ones that didn't have the voice

32:31

. We didn't have the rights , we didn't . We

32:33

were being told what to do in

32:36

relationships . This is your duty as

32:38

a wife the da , da , da , da , da da . So for

32:40

us to come , step into our power and

32:42

go . Oh no , I'm gonna take

32:44

charge here . Like I'm gonna initiate , I'm

32:46

gonna reach down your pants , I'm gonna blow

32:49

your mind , I'm gonna treat you like a king

32:51

, assuming

32:53

that he deserves to be treated like a king , you

32:55

know , like there's a whole . There's a lot of tangents

32:58

, we could go down there , but assuming

33:00

you love this guy and you wanna be with

33:02

him , just the more tools that we can

33:04

have as women , the more

33:06

confident we feel , the more empowered we feel

33:09

, the more self-esteem we have

33:11

, the more we have to give in a relationship

33:13

, the more we are feeling our

33:15

own cup . You

33:18

know , and not being this damsel in distress

33:20

and you make me happy or

33:22

I'm not gonna be happy . No

33:24

, like we can fill

33:26

our own cup . And

33:29

that actually leads me to something

33:32

that I hear all the time from

33:34

women , and I

33:36

bet some listeners right now who don't know

33:38

me or my world that much are

33:40

probably thinking right now is

33:42

it really my job

33:45

to satisfy

33:47

him ? And why

33:49

aren't you teaching the guys how to satisfy

33:52

us which I do , by

33:54

the way but like , why women

33:56

like to turn it around and go , yeah , but he's

34:00

easy , you know , I can whack him off and he's done

34:02

, but he's

34:05

not doing right by me , so

34:07

isn't this ? This

34:09

sounds like a whole lot of I'm servicing

34:11

my guy with these erotic

34:14

massage techniques . What the hell

34:16

am I getting out of this ? Like , why

34:18

would I even wanna do that when

34:20

I feel like he's

34:22

not very good in bed for me ? Like

34:25

there are women in the membership

34:28

who've never had an orgasm in

34:30

their 50s or 60s and

34:32

they've had sex

34:34

hundreds and hundreds and hundreds

34:36

and hundreds of times . Never had an orgasm

34:39

. So you know , what

34:41

would you say to those women who look at this

34:43

stuff and go I

34:46

think I'll pass . I think I need a guy

34:48

to do to me instead

34:50

of me due to a guy .

34:53

Yeah , I totally get that and thank

34:55

you so much for bringing that up , because I was

34:57

that woman . You know , at the end of my marriage

35:00

I was bitter and angry

35:02

and resentful , like I gave

35:04

him the best years of my life I was

35:06

. You know , prior

35:08

to getting married , I was quite sexually

35:10

promiscuous . I've always

35:13

been sexually promiscuous . However

35:16

, I

35:18

was just bitter and

35:20

I didn't . You

35:22

know , I took that 11 years of abstinence

35:25

and celibacy for my kids , but then when I got

35:27

back in , I was kind

35:29

of in that like okay , well , what's in it

35:31

for me ? Like I know what I can do for

35:33

you , but what are you gonna do for me ? And

35:36

when you were

35:38

telling that story to Lee again

35:41

, I see pictures because you know , my primary

35:43

job and training is as

35:45

a hairstylist when I have a client

35:47

at the Shem Pooble and I'm massaging

35:50

their scalp and giving them this wonderful

35:52

massage and

35:55

what I'm really doing is connecting with

35:57

them . I'm connecting with their energy

35:59

, I'm connecting with their vibration , I'm

36:02

connecting with their soul , their spirit

36:04

. I'm connecting with them

36:06

. They're allowing me . Not

36:09

only are they allowing me , they're paying me to touch

36:11

them . And I want them to

36:13

just relax , because

36:15

that's their time with me . I

36:17

have their undivided attention and

36:20

they're paying me to feel

36:22

good . Not very many people get paid

36:24

to feel good legally , I

36:28

don't know if I didn't know Right

36:31

. So as a licensed hairdresser , I'm

36:34

licensed to touch people and I'm allowed

36:36

to touch them . Not only that , they give me permission . So

36:38

when I get into that

36:40

mindset and flipping

36:44

the coin , like okay , this is

36:46

, you know , I know what I can do for you . What are you gonna

36:48

do for me ? It's not even

36:50

about that . It's more about

36:52

connecting with

36:54

the masculine energy

36:56

, connecting with the

36:58

man that's in your life , your

37:01

husband , your boyfriend , whatever , and

37:04

knowing that nobody

37:07

has ever touched him , the way that you

37:09

are teaching us to touch these men

37:11

. No one , every single man

37:13

. And let me tell you , I've been like playing

37:15

around a lot . Every single man

37:18

I touch is like holy crap

37:20

, nobody , even less

37:22

. I was with somebody last night and

37:24

I was playing with him in the car . I'm gonna

37:26

get real graphic . He's got an uncircumcised

37:29

penis Right , and so I'm playing

37:31

with the foreskin and doing onion

37:34

ring and like has anybody ever

37:36

done this for you before ? And he's like nobody

37:39

has ever done this and I'm

37:41

thinking to myself how sad

37:43

Now the reciprocation

37:45

that I receive from giving him

37:48

those affections and touch of

37:50

love and compassion

37:53

. And you know , honoring

37:56

his maleness was like

37:58

woo girl , oh

38:00

yeah he comes around . It's

38:03

almost exactly . It's the

38:05

competitive nature of the male species

38:08

is oh , you did that

38:10

for me , watch what I'm gonna do for you . And

38:13

that's where it's so

38:15

true , right Cause the man is like , oh

38:17

, you gave this a watch what I'm gonna do for

38:19

you . And I'm like ha ha ha . And of course

38:21

then my inner males kind of comes on and goes , wait , wait

38:23

, wait , wait . Do you see what I'm gonna do next ? So it

38:26

just creates this whole synergistic

38:29

fire of passion and affection

38:32

and yummy feel . It's

38:34

just . I'm

38:37

always saddened when I hear

38:40

women speak in

38:42

that way about you know , I

38:44

don't need a man and you know we don't need a

38:46

man . We have sex toys , we have . You know

38:48

we can take care of ourselves . However

38:52

, how does that man feel ? I

38:54

mean , we have to really get in touch with the male

38:56

species and you

38:59

know there are assholes

39:01

out there , but not all men are assholes . There

39:03

are really good men out there that just need

39:05

a little guidance and a need a little bit of

39:07

our feminine essence and

39:09

goddess energy to draw

39:11

them out . And they're like men

39:14

, you know , sirens on the rock that are

39:16

singing the songs . You

39:18

touch this penis in a certain way , the way

39:20

you teach us and they're like ooh , they'll

39:23

follow us anywhere .

39:24

Yes , Right , that's , I never thought

39:26

about it that way . It's like we're

39:28

a siren , only in a good way , like we're

39:30

not gonna eat them or anything , but yeah

39:33

, I'm gonna kill them . But it's

39:36

sort of like when you have , when

39:39

you turn your hands into magic hands

39:41

and when you turn your voice

39:43

into this beautiful , compassionate

39:46

, you know tool for admiration

39:49

, for respect , for you know , like when

39:51

you treat a man like a king , they

39:54

melt , they , just

39:56

they want , like a siren , they

39:58

will follow us anywhere , they will . A

40:00

guy said to me once when I told him I was

40:02

going to start teaching women how to do

40:04

this stuff . He said

40:07

oh , lee

40:09

, you show

40:11

women how to do this stuff

40:14

. And he knew what I did and

40:17

because I got like oh , I tell

40:19

people I got over 69 different ways

40:22

to touch your guy's privates that in

40:24

most of the ways , he's never felt before he

40:26

goes . You touch a man like this

40:28

and you teach women how to do

40:30

this , they will swim

40:32

oceans for you . They

40:35

will swim oceans . Yeah

40:37

, he said that and he was so emphatic and

40:39

his eyes got really big like oh my God

40:41

, this , this is a gift

40:43

to all mankind .

40:45

It is a gift to all mankind . But not only that

40:48

, it's a gift to all mankind , but

40:50

as the giver , the

40:52

power , I mean you know

40:54

again , again , type A personality

40:56

. That's a big turn on to me to know that

40:58

I just have to touch you a certain way with

41:00

one finger not even my

41:03

hand , one finger and

41:05

he's like , oh and

41:08

so that is a turn

41:10

on to me , right ? Because I know , I mean , and

41:12

that's part to me

41:14

, that's part of the dance that we do

41:16

in the bedroom or

41:19

the back seat of a car , wherever you are

41:21

, is the exchange of energies

41:23

and the dance of I'm

41:25

gonna give , I'm gonna receive , you're

41:28

gonna give . I mean , it's just , it's

41:30

a beautiful thing and it's

41:32

just slowing down and really connecting with

41:35

that person , just like I do at the

41:37

shampoo bowl when I'm massaging their scalp

41:39

. I'm just doing it in a different place , right

41:42

?

41:42

exactly . You know what that actually reminds

41:44

me of a story , this whole idea

41:46

of what you get when you

41:49

give . So years

41:51

and years and years ago , when

41:53

my son was very young he

41:56

, I don't know , he was probably

41:58

seven or something

42:00

I got a knock one day , I

42:02

don't know a week or two before

42:05

Christmas , and I

42:07

opened the door and there was this man

42:09

outside with two

42:12

big boxes of goodies

42:15

. It was like a Christmas hamper

42:17

kind of box with foods and toys

42:20

and slippers and like just all sorts

42:22

of things . And he said

42:24

your family was nominated

42:27

to receive this box

42:29

today . And you know , I'm from the church

42:32

, da , da , da , da . And someone in the church

42:34

nominated you and he wouldn't tell me who it was

42:36

. And I was just

42:38

like I didn't know this guy from Adam . And

42:41

here he's giving me and my son and I'm a single

42:43

mom , so I'm kind of broke

42:46

, you know . I mean I'm hand

42:49

to mouth , like the bills are paid , but

42:52

I got nothing left after that and so

42:54

I was just lured

42:58

to receive these

43:01

boxes of

43:03

goodies and I took a couple of things out

43:05

and I gave them to my son , you know , stuff

43:07

that he would like , but this

43:10

woman who was in my yoga class . I used to teach yoga

43:12

and she had talked about

43:14

her son and daughter-in-law

43:17

and her grandson , like

43:19

he lost his job . They

43:21

were gonna have a really crappy Christmas

43:23

. No presence

43:25

under the tree , like they were

43:27

really bad off . When

43:30

I received this , I'm like , oh my God , I

43:33

wanna give all these goodies , minus

43:36

a couple , that I gave my son to

43:38

them , and I was just so

43:41

hit with this inspiration and I'm getting

43:43

full body chills just thinking about it

43:45

now , and this was decades ago .

43:46

Oh no , you know what . I've been . Exactly

43:48

where you are , I know exactly where you're going . I've been

43:51

. You're telling my story right now . Keep going

43:53

, oh my gosh , that's so funny .

43:55

And so I showed up and him

43:57

, his wife and his son were

44:00

all there and I said you

44:02

don't know me , but I would

44:04

just like to give this to you

44:06

to help you have a good Christmas

44:08

. And they're , you know , they're

44:11

totally stunned at first . And then

44:13

the wife she's taking stuff out and the

44:15

little boy comes over and he's getting

44:17

stuff and he's all excited and every

44:19

I think I'm going to cry telling this story and

44:22

everybody is just like

44:24

she's crying . The little boy is

44:26

just totally over the moon , he's

44:29

welling up and we're

44:31

all . I didn't even want to leave because

44:33

I was just so

44:35

as good as it felt to receive

44:38

all those goodies . It felt

44:40

way better to

44:42

give them , to just pay them

44:44

forward and give . And

44:46

I just sat in my car and I bawled

44:49

my eyes out for about 10 minutes before

44:51

I drove away . It was so lovely

44:54

. And so the whole , and we've all

44:56

felt those experiences where that

44:59

like that family Never

45:01

talk to me again . They will never

45:03

, ever repay me for that . Nor

45:06

did I expect them to repay me like it wasn't

45:08

a transactional thing other

45:10

than emotional . Oh my God , I got so much

45:12

out of it . But to just

45:14

give unconditionally

45:17

in a loving way and

45:20

to see a person's face light

45:22

up and be totally

45:24

moved by that act of

45:26

generosity . There

45:28

is nothing on the planet like that . There

45:30

is nothing short

45:32

of maybe seeing your newborn baby for

45:34

the first time . Like maybe second to that

45:36

, but oh my gosh

45:38

, it was amazing . So what

45:40

? I really mean it when I tell women

45:43

, seriously , you win when

45:45

you learn how to give in

45:47

this way in the bedroom , turn

45:50

your hands into magic hands and just like give

45:53

in a way that men really

45:55

appreciate it

45:57

. You get so much out of it other than confidence

46:00

, other than self esteem , other than you

46:02

know that power trip of whoa I did that

46:05

, you know that feels really good , but it

46:07

just feels awesome to just be unconditional

46:09

in your love , because that's really what it is

46:11

. It's not whacking him off , it's

46:14

a slow , loving touch . And

46:17

and , and you know , loving communication

46:20

and just it's all from

46:22

a place of kindness and generosity

46:24

and love and to

46:27

give that feels amazing and

46:29

it always comes back . You know

46:31

, it's really hard for a

46:34

man to receive and receive and receive

46:36

so much respect

46:39

and admiration and appreciation

46:41

and love and kindness and all that and

46:44

not want to reciprocate . Like

46:46

there are a few men on the planet who

46:49

will not respond to that .

46:53

There are exceptions , of course . Yeah

46:56

, no , that the the male energy

46:58

. When you say it's so difficult for them to receive

47:01

the true masculine energy is

47:03

the giver and the provider . And

47:05

so it is difficult , and I

47:08

wanted to interject to because I

47:11

do . In our group , sometimes

47:13

I notice that there's difficulties

47:15

with initiating communication

47:18

and how being

47:21

part of your tribe makes

47:23

it so easy for those women

47:25

who have a difficult time wanting

47:28

, or , you know , flipping the coin and wanting to

47:30

get into that , giving mentality

47:32

rather than you know what . What am I going to get

47:34

out of this ? And if you sign

47:36

up , you can tell your

47:38

partner I signed up for

47:41

this really interesting

47:43

course that I think you might

47:45

be excited about . Are

47:48

you interested in hearing what it is ? Yeah

47:51

, well , sure , I signed up to learn

47:53

erotic massage and

47:56

I need to practice

47:58

. Would you let me ? I mean not in

48:00

itself , and

48:06

then once you , once you touch them the first

48:08

time , what's ?

48:09

that . Yeah . What guys ever going

48:12

to say no to that when you use those words

48:14

?

48:16

No guy , no guy , no guy

48:18

ever going to say no to that . But I mean , when you actually

48:20

get to practice it for the very first time

48:22

, that connection that

48:24

you and I are talking about , that that

48:27

it's like a spiritual connection

48:29

. It really is , it

48:33

transcends all of that . Everything just goes

48:35

away .

48:36

Right and I find that it takes

48:38

things a little deeper . You know , when

48:40

it's not just wrote

48:42

sex , you know , like

48:44

same old , same old . You

48:47

know , he , he , he rolls

48:49

me over , he touches this boob , he

48:51

grabs my right butt cheek . You

48:53

know , it's like it's all , it's choreographed . It's the same

48:56

old , same old thing and it's just a physical

48:58

release . But you've

49:00

lost that spark and you've lost that emotion

49:03

. This is such a great way , I

49:05

find , to bring

49:07

that back . You know , because I

49:09

I force you to talk during like

49:11

a fortune to ask those questions

49:13

and I , I get you to to

49:15

, you know , open up in the bedroom

49:17

, just a little bit to mix it up . I

49:19

think that's that's the difference that

49:22

it makes . And it could be anything , you know

49:24

, maybe it's an introduction of toys , it

49:26

doesn't have to be a rottic massage , it could be anything

49:28

. But just to mix it up and

49:30

get the spark back and get some communication

49:33

going . And all of

49:35

us women , we've all had

49:37

conversations in our brain where

49:40

we're like oh , he always does that

49:42

thing and I'm , you know how do I

49:44

get him to . I've told him a couple of times just go

49:46

a little bit higher and that's where the magic spot

49:48

is , but it keeps going lower and like

49:51

. We have this internal conversation going on and

49:54

yet we don't have the words to actually say

49:56

what we wish that

49:58

he he knew Right

50:01

, not

50:03

mind readers , ladies .

50:04

There , let me just

50:06

. Let me just tell you something too Excuse me to interject

50:08

when I was talking to you about being on the dating

50:10

profile or dating apps and the

50:13

men that are attracted , the younger

50:15

guys . When I ask them what

50:17

is it about an older woman that you're attracted to

50:20

? No bullshit , they know exactly what they want

50:22

. They are really direct in their communication

50:24

. Boom Women my

50:26

age . They're wishy washy . They don't

50:28

know what to tell . They don't know how to direct me to

50:30

tell . I'm like wow , really

50:33

, how simple is that ?

50:35

So yeah , yeah , I'd say men

50:38

, they really appreciate , generally

50:40

speaking , they really appreciate directness

50:43

. They want a roadmap . They

50:46

want you to tell them what to do

50:49

, because they want to be successful . They

50:51

want to take you to the moon . They

50:53

want to be able to puff out their

50:55

chest and go yeah , I did that . I did that . Yeah

50:57

. So they do want us to

51:00

be able to say , hey , you

51:02

know , instead of doing this , can we try that

51:04

? Yes , there's ways

51:06

to finesse it so that you're not hurting

51:08

his ego and you're not making him defensive

51:11

, you're not starting a fight Right , or

51:13

ways you know , and it's

51:15

not difficult , but it just takes a little bit of practice

51:18

.

51:19

And that's the finesse that you teach us . It's

51:21

a fine tuned finesse

51:23

and you're so good at

51:25

teaching that too , lee . You're

51:29

so cognizant

51:31

of the women and where they're

51:33

at in their growth process and

51:35

each person who talks to you . You

51:38

break it down specifically

51:40

for them and

51:44

it's kind of like you go at your own

51:46

pace , you know your own comfort

51:48

level , but you have to break through that

51:51

comfort level before

51:54

you can even get to . You know , break

51:56

through the barrier of that before you can even get

51:58

to that place of wow

52:00

, now we're in a sweet spot . You want to get to that

52:02

sweet spot , yeah .

52:04

It's it just , you know

52:06

it's it just takes trying

52:08

for the first time , and it's always

52:11

hard to try anything new the first time

52:13

. Of course you're going to be nervous . Of course you're

52:15

going to think , oh my God , I'm going to totally mess this up , I

52:17

don't know what I'm doing . Of course you've got all that

52:19

going through your brain . But let me ask

52:21

you , michelle , so the first time that you tried

52:24

any of the techniques on

52:27

a guy , like the massage

52:29

techniques , what , like

52:31

, what was your ? Were you nervous ? Oh

52:33

, I was totally nervous .

52:35

Really , I was so nervous , yeah

52:37

, what made you do it ? Anyway , I had performance

52:39

anxiety .

52:45

I was pretty confident , right . So for yes

52:47

, exactly , exactly , exactly

52:49

. Even confident women are going

52:51

to be nervous . So all you listeners out

52:54

there going , oh my God , I could never do that . Well

52:56

, you know what ? Even confident women are nervous

52:58

. And look at , look

53:00

at what's happened since , yeah , it's

53:02

just going , don't ever wait

53:05

to not be nervous , because that'll

53:07

never happen . Oh my gosh . So

53:09

what made you ? What made ?

53:11

you want to do it . Anyway , I just wanted

53:13

to make sure that I did the techniques properly

53:15

and that I didn't forget what

53:17

I learned and that

53:20

I think the first I think I shared with you

53:22

in our we had a one on one session

53:24

that my first massage was like a two hour

53:26

massage because I did this whole bot . This

53:28

guy was like owns a

53:30

fitness center I mean he's this big

53:32

bodybuilder guy , right Did this whole body

53:35

massage and then ended it with the erotic

53:37

part . It was like a two hour probably , sweating

53:40

bullets . I was like you know , because I get

53:42

body massage and I know what

53:44

it feels like and I know what I like

53:46

. The second one was

53:49

with my lover and

53:51

he . We

53:54

had talked in between . I gave you the pros and

53:56

cons , or the pros and cons of what had happened

53:59

, and you redirected me . I

54:02

was less nervous with him because

54:04

it was . I went in with the intention

54:06

. You know , we set the intention before this is

54:08

what , how long I'm going to take . And

54:10

you said , you know , when you're at the five minute

54:13

before you end , let them know I'm

54:15

coming to an end now . So just letting you

54:17

know , and so all

54:19

of that . But you created it , so

54:21

it's so easy that even if

54:23

I was nervous , I could hear you

54:25

, I could play you , I could follow your

54:28

direction in my ear with my AirPods

54:30

and my cell phone Right , and

54:34

so I was like I'm going to write it down and practice

54:36

it out . It was more about

54:38

it wasn't the fear of touching them and it

54:40

wasn't the fear of them not

54:42

feeling the sensations

54:45

that I knew that they would feel . It was more about

54:47

the remembering the steps and

54:49

doing it at a pace that was a pleasurable

54:52

and enjoyable and not taking

54:54

too long and not being too fast . It

54:56

was me getting in my own way , basically , and

55:00

trying to get it right .

55:01

You know I want to do this right .

55:03

It's like going to a wedding . You know the bride's always

55:05

like , oh my gosh , there's always going

55:07

to be something that happens , but guess what

55:09

? Overall , everybody has a great time . So

55:12

it's kind of like that Like , yeah

55:14

, he doesn't know if I made a mistake

55:16

, he doesn't know if I forgot to do one of the

55:18

techniques , because he doesn't know what the pattern

55:21

is and he doesn't know the routine and he doesn't know

55:23

the steps . The only person who

55:25

knows is me . So that's why I say I got in my own

55:27

way and it was really more about me , it wasn't

55:29

about them .

55:30

It was about me . Yeah , yeah

55:32

. And really , when it comes down to it , as soon as you

55:34

put your hands on a guy's genitals , come

55:37

on , you've won . Like

55:40

, you've got right , like

55:42

they just , they just want you Like

55:45

you like it .

55:46

So many times I've been on a date Making

55:48

out with a guy who takes my hand and he puts it on

55:50

his genital like Please

55:54

touch me like guys

55:57

.

55:57

Guys identify so heavily with

55:59

their genitals like that and then

56:01

to avoid that area . Is

56:04

they take that personally ? It's

56:06

like you , you don't want to touch them

56:08

. You know you're touching their soul when

56:10

you're touching their penis , really , yeah

56:15

. And it's different for women . We don't necessarily

56:18

have that going on in our psyche , so

56:20

we can't relate to that . But

56:22

for for a lot of guys and

56:24

I have talked to thousands of them yeah

56:27

, they really want you to touch it . Yeah

56:30

. So so , if , if

56:33

and and I

56:36

just need to say this to my listeners Never

56:39

once am I ever gonna tell

56:41

you do something you don't want

56:43

to do , like the whole obligatory

56:46

. I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna force

56:48

myself through it and I'm gonna

56:50

hate it , but I'm gonna do it for you anyway . Cuz Lee

56:52

Jagger said it , no , I will never , ever

56:54

tell you to do that . That's a

56:57

beauty about all of the things that

56:59

I teach is that it's it's

57:01

stuff that you're gonna enjoy doing it and and

57:03

you don't do anything ever

57:06

in the bedroom that you don't want to do

57:08

and that

57:10

that's why I start things really slow

57:13

and really easy , to just let women

57:15

know that you know what you can

57:17

do this . This isn't rocket science , oh my

57:19

gosh , it's so darn easy . And

57:22

and by

57:24

making it easy it gets them to just

57:27

try . Because

57:29

then when they try and they get a

57:31

major positive response from their

57:33

guy in the bed and

57:35

out like , oh , now he wants to make me

57:37

dinner tonight and he never makes me dinner . Like

57:39

that feels good

57:41

to have that , that , that

57:44

power . You're wielding a power . You know

57:46

you got a magic wand in your hand and you're like , okay

57:48

, I'm gonna have my guy

57:50

treat me like I've got us after this

57:52

. That feels really good . And then they want

57:55

to do it . Then it is enjoyable

57:57

, then it builds this bond and more

57:59

communication and trust and Things

58:02

get juicy in the bedroom . But to start

58:04

, yeah , you're nervous .

58:08

Yeah , I was nervous and I'm I consider

58:10

myself a pretty sexually confident

58:12

woman and I was nervous , but

58:15

I did it anyway and I'm

58:17

glad I did and I'm glad I continue

58:19

to Broaden

58:22

my spectrum of tools by

58:24

staying in , involved with you in the group

58:26

. So , yeah , it's , it's awesome

58:28

, it's fun , it's it's like the best

58:30

thing that ever happened to me .

58:33

Oh my gosh . Well , it's so much fun

58:35

having you in the group because you have , you

58:37

always have something amazing to

58:40

say , and and

58:42

and . For our listeners who don't know

58:44

when I say the group , like , I have a coat , like

58:46

a members monthly membership program , and so every

58:49

week we get together and over zoom

58:51

and we and people have questions

58:53

and I have answers and other

58:56

women have answers , and I am not

58:58

the only Person

59:00

talking in the group , like , like Michelle , you

59:03

come out all the time and have

59:05

great advice . Thank you

59:07

, because you I mean you're , you're

59:10

a relationship coach , you're You've

59:13

got a lot of information within you already

59:16

and I just love how you share that with the

59:18

group and help the other ladies

59:20

and rally them on . And and

59:22

that woman from From Copenhagen , she

59:24

, she could feel Supported

59:27

, she really she really felt that and you had a lot

59:29

to do with that . So thank you so much for thank

59:32

you . Queens , help Queens

59:34

, right , we help Queens . That's right . Yeah

59:37

, we , we fix , we

59:39

fix each other's crowns .

59:40

Yeah , there's a sisterhood and and

59:43

you know , I've

59:45

been around women who they

59:48

they act or pretend

59:51

that they were a sisterhood , but I , you know , you

59:53

know , you feel it in your heart , your

59:55

instincts kick in and go . I'm not really

59:57

sure , but you're a sisterhood

59:59

. You're my sister from another mister oh

1:00:03

.

1:00:06

I love that . Yeah , it's Wednesdays

1:00:08

are my favorite day of the week because

1:00:11

I get to to hang out with all

1:00:13

you ladies .

1:00:13

You always say that and I know exactly

1:00:16

it's true , right , it's my favorite day of the week too

1:00:18

. You know , I'm running late . I'm like I gotta

1:00:20

get on , I gotta get on .

1:00:22

Yeah , it's just I don't know . It's happy

1:00:24

hour with the girls and

1:00:26

all my girls get me and they they let me talk

1:00:28

about sex and and and

1:00:31

I let them talk about say like , where

1:00:33

can you go right ? How

1:00:35

? These conversations really hard and that's why I

1:00:37

wanted to do this podcast is to

1:00:39

inspire women to

1:00:42

be able to Get

1:00:45

help , to be able to listen

1:00:47

to Education

1:00:49

, to other women's perspectives on

1:00:52

what they're going through and how

1:00:54

they dealt with it , to overcome whatever

1:00:56

Problem was going on , and

1:00:59

to just know that we can

1:01:01

have these conversations Like if we don't

1:01:03

talk about it , it ain't getting better and

1:01:06

it can always get better . I

1:01:08

love it when

1:01:10

someone takes a chance . It was someone who's

1:01:12

got a great relationship . They

1:01:15

love their guy like

1:01:17

nothing's wrong , everything's great

1:01:19

. They consider themselves really

1:01:21

lucky and and great

1:01:24

sex life . They have sex all the time they're

1:01:26

they're like Affectionate

1:01:29

with each other in and out of the bedroom , great

1:01:31

communication , like they're doing awesome . And

1:01:35

Yet they come into

1:01:37

my world and they

1:01:39

learn a few more things and they realize , oh

1:01:41

, you mean , it could even get better

1:01:43

. I didn't even know like

1:01:46

it's . It's so satisfying to

1:01:48

help someone whose marriage is on the rocks

1:01:50

and and help them get

1:01:53

to the other side where they're now happily

1:01:55

, happily married to that same person . That's

1:01:58

fun too , but it blows

1:02:00

me away when a woman who has

1:02:02

no problems in

1:02:04

the bedroom joins

1:02:06

my world , rock the bedroom and

1:02:09

and has

1:02:11

the . I guess they got to be learners like you

1:02:14

, right . Yeah , they're just they

1:02:16

get , it can always get better

1:02:18

.

1:02:18

Yeah , it can always get better .

1:02:20

I used to tell myself that all the time

1:02:23

when I was Either

1:02:25

breaking up with a guy or a guy was great

1:02:27

. More often , when a guy was breaking up with me

1:02:29

when I was much younger and

1:02:32

Convincing myself , okay

1:02:35

, he was really great , and , oh my god , I just lost

1:02:37

that guy and the world is over . And

1:02:40

Eventually I came to realize

1:02:42

you know what I ? I said

1:02:44

that about the last guy and this

1:02:46

guy . He was better than the last guy

1:02:49

and I never thought I could get anything better

1:02:51

, but I got better . So

1:02:53

this is a slightly different context , but but

1:02:56

it can always get better and it

1:02:58

has , at least in in my world

1:03:00

. Life just keeps getting better and better and better . Special

1:03:03

relationships , because I keep knowing more

1:03:05

and more and more . You know older

1:03:07

and wiser , kind of thing so

1:03:09

. Right

1:03:11

and we learned to tolerate less crap

1:03:14

. I think and Ask

1:03:16

for what we want older women .

1:03:18

I think older women . Yeah , I , I tell

1:03:20

people . I mean , I'm in the fourth quarter of my

1:03:22

life , 60 to 80 . Fourth quarter

1:03:24

is when you go for the win . Right , I

1:03:27

got . I still got some mojo left in

1:03:29

me . I'm going for it , I'm playing

1:03:31

, I'm having fun , I'm living my best

1:03:33

life . And if you would have told me at the end of my

1:03:35

divorce that I would be in this

1:03:37

place today , I would have told you that you were full of

1:03:39

crap . Now there's no way and I'm

1:03:42

like , and you're

1:03:44

a big part of that , lee . So thank you so

1:03:46

much . Oh , I'm so glad

1:03:48

to have a part in that . Oh , you're

1:03:50

a big part , you're a big part .

1:03:53

Oh , thank you . I love having you in my world . I

1:03:55

really , really appreciate you being here

1:03:58

today . Yeah , this has been so enjoyable

1:04:00

. I want to give

1:04:02

you an opportunity to let listeners

1:04:04

know how they can Find

1:04:06

you out in the world , because you have

1:04:08

amazing perspectives

1:04:11

on relationship , on communication

1:04:14

, and and I let I almost feel

1:04:16

like you're my partner in my program

1:04:18

because you always pipe up with some really

1:04:20

great things to talk about , and

1:04:23

Recently you said , yeah , actually I'm

1:04:25

a relationship . What do you call yourself ?

1:04:27

Well , so here's the thing I'm in

1:04:29

the midst of transitioning

1:04:31

out of being a hairstylist

1:04:33

and into being more of a coach

1:04:35

for women , a relationship coach , and

1:04:39

I was sharing with you and the group

1:04:42

not too long ago that it

1:04:45

was something I was getting ready to share , something that I had

1:04:47

learned , and I said

1:04:49

I've never shared this with you and

1:04:51

Lee or the girls that I'm

1:04:53

a relationship coach . And you said , oh

1:04:55

, that doesn't surprise me . And my daughter was

1:04:57

in the room and she walked by and she got these

1:04:59

big saucer eyes and looked at me like whoa

1:05:02

. And at the end of the call she looked at me and she goes you're

1:05:05

owning it . And I'm like , yeah , I'm

1:05:07

owning it . I'm called Like

1:05:09

you fail , called to help women

1:05:12

feel more secure and empowered and

1:05:14

who they are . My , my

1:05:16

Coaching business will be called

1:05:18

the goddess glow up . I don't

1:05:21

have any Social media

1:05:23

setup . I'm like , right in the infantile

1:05:26

stages of it all . I do have an Instagram

1:05:29

account for my hair business

1:05:31

, which is called hair guru

1:05:33

for you and you can put that in

1:05:35

the show notes or whatever .

1:05:38

I'll put that in the show notes . And is that the number four

1:05:40

, or ?

1:05:41

Number four yeah okay . Good

1:05:44

Number four for you , mm-hmm . So

1:05:47

yeah , it's all . I'm all in the beginning stages

1:05:50

and I'm Going

1:05:52

through a program right now to get certified

1:05:54

as a life coach , but I'm going to be able to apply

1:05:56

my programming and incorporate all of that

1:05:58

, so I'm excited about it . The girls that

1:06:00

I have now that I coach and mentor are

1:06:03

just from word of mouth Hair dressers and

1:06:05

bartenders are like therapists without

1:06:07

a degree . Right Added

1:06:09

to the fact that's got like years of Counseling

1:06:11

and therapy myself , and then all the programs

1:06:14

that I've been involved with and all of my own

1:06:16

personal Experiences , and then the tools

1:06:18

and the and the things that I've learned from you . I

1:06:20

mean it just . Every time it just goes to a different

1:06:23

level , and you know

1:06:25

you shared your story about being

1:06:27

blessed to be a blessing

1:06:29

, and I feel exactly the same way

1:06:31

that I have Calling

1:06:34

to help women who

1:06:37

feel uncomfortable about their

1:06:39

sexuality , about their inner goddess

1:06:41

, just go , grow

1:06:43

and glow , girl . Just go

1:06:45

and live it .

1:06:47

So yeah , yes and

1:06:49

as of this recording . You don't

1:06:51

have stuff set up . But , dear

1:06:54

listener , go , because you

1:06:56

probably find finder by the time this comes

1:06:58

out , or at least you know contact

1:07:00

. Find her on on Instagram

1:07:03

, that way , when she does make the announcement

1:07:05

that boom doors are open , I'm

1:07:07

open for business . You can check her out . Thank

1:07:09

you , yeah , because , yeah , you , you bring

1:07:11

so much value to my

1:07:13

group that , yeah

1:07:15

, I , I would highly recommend

1:07:18

anyone check your stuff out , because

1:07:20

you , yeah , you've been around the block many

1:07:22

times and Thank you , lee , I have a lot

1:07:24

to pass on , so . I

1:07:26

appreciate you being in my world . My gosh

1:07:28

and I learn from you all the time .

1:07:30

I learn from you all the time too . What the heck

1:07:33

Right ?

1:07:34

Yeah , if you could

1:07:36

do it on your own , you'd have already

1:07:38

done it exactly . We

1:07:40

need others to , to teach us

1:07:42

, to remind us . You know

1:07:44

all the things to support us . So thank

1:07:47

you for being one of those women who are

1:07:49

feeling called to support other

1:07:51

women I'm , or maybe other people do

1:07:53

you ? Do you work with men and women , or just women

1:07:55

?

1:07:56

primarily women , but I'm open

1:07:58

to working with men . I mean , I've

1:08:00

looked at a profile and it's like , you know

1:08:03

, I could really make your profile stand

1:08:05

out . But

1:08:08

you know , unless a man asks for advice

1:08:10

, I don't give it . So but yeah , I'm

1:08:12

open to working with men too . For sure , I think

1:08:14

that there are a lot of men who Are

1:08:18

kind of lost and confused and

1:08:20

not really sure how to navigate the

1:08:22

waters to find a woman

1:08:24

. So yeah , I'm open to that .

1:08:26

We don't know how to talk to men . Men don't

1:08:28

know how to talk to us .

1:08:29

Oh , I know , and it's so easy , it's

1:08:32

so easy yeah .

1:08:33

Yeah , they just don't have those skills , that's

1:08:35

all . But hey , they can be learned

1:08:38

. They can all be learned . That's what we're

1:08:40

all about , yeah , so thank

1:08:42

you for being a teacher . Appreciate you

1:08:44

so much . Thank you for being my teacher

1:08:46

. Oh , it's been such a pleasure

1:08:48

. Thank you so much for being

1:08:50

on here with us and really

1:08:53

exemplifying what

1:08:55

passionate and playful is all about

1:08:57

. That's my motto with rock . The bedroom

1:08:59

is Be passionate , be playful

1:09:02

, and you definitely are both of those .

1:09:04

Oh , you're so sweet . Thank you so much , Li . I'm really

1:09:06

appreciative to you for that . Thank you for

1:09:08

asking me to be your guest today . I'm

1:09:11

grateful .

1:09:13

Did you know that nine out of ten women

1:09:15

don't feel confident touching their man's

1:09:17

privates with their hands ? I

1:09:19

believe being confident in the bedroom means

1:09:21

unlearning everything that we've been taught

1:09:23

our entire lives About what

1:09:25

it really means to have a great sex

1:09:27

life and a happy relationship , which

1:09:30

is why I created an online video

1:09:32

training called drive him wild . I

1:09:35

want to show you how to become the confident woman

1:09:37

that you were meant to be , so

1:09:39

you can have a passionate and playful

1:09:41

connection with your guy . And

1:09:43

the best part is this training is

1:09:46

yours , absolutely free To

1:09:48

dive in . Just go to rock the bedroom

1:09:50

calm , and we can get started

1:09:52

right now .