Do you feel Mom Guilt? The other evening, I attended an HBA (Healthcare Businesswomen’s Association) event about the Imposter Syndrome- and one of the women in the audience asked about what to do about Mom guilt.  She felt she couldn’t do anything well and was overwhelmed.  We have all felt that feeling of “not being enough”.  Whether you are a parent or have personal responsibilities caring for a family member, friend or someone you care about, we all have experienced overwhelm and feel like we aren’t doing enough. 

Let’s change the conversation and hopefully you will feel more balanced- and confident. I have shared tips for confidence, networking and empowerment but this sense of shame and guilt is something that each of us need to be reminded that in the sentence of “all” we can have it all we need to change our definition of all.  In this episode, I share with you 5 strategies to manage your guilt and feel like every day- you are enough.

Ask yourself-when was the last time you looked back on your day and said “I feel great- the day was in balance with my work and personal life”? If your answer is – ‘I rarely if ever feel that’-you are not alone.  The more driven your personality the harder you most likely are on yourself and the internal narrative is telling you things like-

‘You should be able to do this-Janet does it.’

Or

‘Why does my heart sink when I have to walk out the door for a trip?’

‘My work hours have increased and I feel I am spread too thin and am missing out on my child’s milestones.’

All of these external guilt feelings can create a sense of shame.

“Shame is how we feel about ourselves and guilt is how others make us feel.” – Eloiza Domingo-Snyder.  Both feelings can sabotage your full potential and make you feel out of balance.

5 Ways You Can  Change The Shame Narrative 

1. Choose a Season.  A lot of coaches talk about this idea of                  season- it means you decide your focus for a period of time. Going back to what I said earlier- all is your definition once established will help free your internal sabotaging shame voice.  

2. Seek and Accept Help.If you travel- like many marketers I know- it is very hard to get the house cleaned, manage appointments and also work demands while on the road. Superwomen deny the idea they need help- instead when asked they respond- oh no I got this! And then you crumble inside possibly cry in your car or in the bathroom because of personal regrets and wanting to not appear weak.

When someone offers - accept.  And if you are saying- ‘I have no one who can help me’- that isn’t true.  Even if you feel there is no budget to have services like house cleaning- you may be able to find a trade.  Facebook is full of mom groups and there will be one where women help each other with no money exchanged.

3. Focus On Quality Not Quantity.When my girls were little- I traveled a lot.  At first, I brought my oldest with me- but once I had two daughters, it became too difficult.  And when they were little, there wasn’t FaceTime and Skype.  So instead of those visuals, it was phone conversations that often left me feeling terrible like so many of us- if only I could do more.

The reality is there are only 168 hours in a week, 24 hours in a day and so instead of feeling like you need to be there every second - even if you are distracted and taking calls- you and your family may feel better when you are totally focused with them.

Many successful women do this- and from the outside. you think they are doing it “all” but their definition of all means only at designated times.

4. Find Support From People In Your Situation.One of the easiest ways to feel like we are not enough, can’t meet personal expectations or fill in the blank ... So now I am going to challenge you with an idea counter to what you may think you need to do.  

Join an organization and prioritize time for you to find others that lift you up.  10 years in January I joined HBA- my girls were in grade school.  I traveled.  And it seemed like - how can I do anything outside of work it takes me away from my family?  What I discovered is being my best-self wasn’t one dimensional - and taking 2-3 hours a month with people who inspired me filled the cup up so I could be focused.  Below are links of groups you can join.

5. Positive Affirmations Matter.Words and the way we interpret them shape our feelings.  Instead of allowing what others might be saying to you and have that add to how you’re feeling. 

Start every day with a positive phrase- It can be- I am a great mother and I am in a season of focusing on - fill in the blank.

Express gratitude - you are in a position to have a full life that is full.  

This episode is dedicated to all the parents out there who do their version of all- and celebrate the moments every day.   Sometimes feeling more balanced includes having the right service provider, who takes care of the details so you can open up more time for things that matter.   This is how I approach relationships with my clients and if you have any questions please reach out to me at rock your trade show. And if you aren’t a marketer, but need a little help, as a connector, I am happy to help you find the resources you need.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Rock Your Trade Show. Feeling like you need a community to help support you?  We have a LinkedIn group and will be doing our first face to face event in January. If this episode was helpful please share it with someone who might need a lift today.

You are enough, be kind to yourself and always remember You Got This.  

Women’s Group Resources:

9 Powerful women’s groups

Healthcare Businesswomen’s Association (HBA)

HCEA

Credits: As always thanks to Christy Haussler at Team Podcast for editing this episode.