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I am. I may have ever have a

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air. I'm. Your host Armando Torres

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with me as always is Andrew

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Roast. I wish the

1:00

cove it had taken me. Ah,

1:04

It's crazy that you didn't have go. Yeah,

1:06

and you sound like that. It's pretty wild.

1:08

I am. I. Feel

1:10

like a lot of people are going to

1:12

think of doing a joke a bit ago

1:14

from up? Ah no I I have. I

1:16

got sick and now I just sound like

1:19

Alex Jones and there's no way out of

1:21

it. And. Sounds

1:23

like I'm putting on a voice. I.

1:26

Can do. Armando. His voice

1:28

but this take so much effort and I

1:30

have to open up my throat. Piety: Yeah,

1:32

you have to do. The posture is the

1:34

moment you sit back there. Are

1:38

some athletic unaware of

1:40

I've I've. Acted

1:43

as was I'm kind of gotta like

1:45

a second a dick gonna look at

1:47

it. It's. It's

1:50

already my throat and really when I want to

1:52

sound like my know my know, when you were

1:54

shown, hold on. When I want to sound like.

1:58

that it takes a lot I'm a

2:00

lot of effort and a lot of posture.

2:02

But then I come back down here where

2:05

I eat shit. I

2:07

sound like a real fucking man. I just, my

2:09

point is, is that I'm not putting on a

2:11

voice. It's just what's happening and I swear to

2:13

God, I hope it goes away. But

2:16

if you want to help us supply

2:18

ourselves with enough cough drops and hot

2:20

tea to get through this voice change,

2:24

then you should

2:26

consider going over

2:28

to vrtpodcast.com/first. First

2:30

is the best way to support us in all the stuff that

2:32

we do, whether that stuff

2:34

is talking

2:36

shit or talking about how the

2:38

water's turning the frogs fucking gay.

2:41

First is the best way.

2:44

I sound like Alex. We also have

2:46

to pay all those parents. Yeah, because

2:49

I was insistent that Sandy Hook was

2:51

a lie. Yeah. I

2:54

took the most indefensible position

2:57

of all time and wrote it all the

2:59

way to like a trillion dollar settlement.

3:01

Something insanely. I did make a career

3:03

out of it too. Oh my God.

3:06

When you put it like that, Alex

3:09

Jones does sound very Armando taking the

3:11

worst position and absolutely just writing it

3:13

in your face, writing it straight into

3:16

litigation. That's what we call you here.

3:18

There we go. That would make sense.

3:22

Please supply us with enough Gorilla Alpha

3:24

mindset powder or whatever to fuck, whatever

3:26

there's like food buckets is that dude

3:28

hawks. This is going to be

3:30

the my first time speaking

3:32

for long. Yeah. I

3:34

don't know how this is going to go. I

3:37

actually didn't sound this bad when the

3:39

day started. The thing is, is I

3:41

have not. This is my

3:43

first time seeing another person since

3:46

I went to the urgent care. And

3:49

by the way, to make you feel a little

3:51

bit better, what happened with me is that I

3:54

went to Colorado, beautiful state.

3:57

I Left my winter coat

3:59

in Minnesota. Soda. So the entire weekend

4:01

when it started snowing I was just

4:03

wearing caught in clothing. There would get

4:06

snowed on and then the snow turn

4:08

into water. basically just wet all weekend.

4:10

Yeah yeah I have. You had the

4:12

I'm a the be Cold recipe. I

4:14

guess that's what you want to do

4:17

with you want to be like throws

4:19

it like found on a sidewalk. As

4:21

soon as it was an entire week

4:23

full of me meeting people touching their

4:25

hands. the up getting very. Sorry

4:30

the whole weekend of me like

4:32

meeting people touching their hands, getting

4:34

very up close and personal and

4:36

wet cold yes I got a

4:38

cold and then I came back

4:40

here and I refused to stop

4:42

hit met fuckin. I.

4:46

Am I fucked around and I found

4:48

out I got myself a cute bronchitis

4:51

and almost gave myself pneumonia? Oh yeah,

4:53

that's what I. That's what happens when

4:55

you spend a weekend. feeling like you

4:57

were just pulls from a river. Says

4:59

that was. Constantly

5:01

always like man it's amount

5:03

of more waterlogged. Sauce

5:06

Yeah looks like some detectives are

5:08

standing acts. My. Guess is system.

5:11

And then I'm looking up at those

5:13

cases like current hit your for such

5:16

as ah going to elicit much. Place.

5:18

So I spent an entire let's see,

5:21

I've been like this for about a

5:23

week since I've been trying. All

5:26

the classics. I put some Vicks

5:28

vapor rub ah, my son got

5:30

myself as a fuck and twelve

5:32

pack of seven up on the

5:34

sickest fucking blanket you could buy

5:36

your child in the middle of

5:38

a casino less. Know

5:41

it's gotta fucking tiger Are going to say

5:43

what big that it hasn't aired on his

5:45

blanco way it is. it's very and how

5:47

blur it's as. One

5:50

of those ones are it's like everything on

5:52

the bike, it is either white or red

5:54

signal wire. Yeah, Yeah yeah, thrill real are

5:57

fucking black light salt post. a

5:59

blanket had yeah Not a mine one

6:01

of my favorite so I just got on tiktok

6:03

and occasionally I found some like one of my

6:05

favorite things about So

6:15

I just I just got on tiktok but I and you

6:17

know I So

6:27

I just got on tiktok and One

6:29

of my favorite things about like tiktok art

6:32

on there is that someone will

6:34

have painted the most Detailed

6:37

I mean like probably took 600

6:40

hours to paint every hair on Essentially

6:43

that art like it's like

6:45

the shittiest art of all time that

6:47

someone spent How

6:49

hundreds of hours working on and it's so

6:51

funny to me? It's like it'll start at

6:54

a close-up of them putting one white whisker

6:56

Yeah, like by the nose and then it

6:58

zooms out and it's like a painting like

7:00

a six foot by eight foot painting of

7:02

a white Tigers face and I'm like that

7:05

looks like yeah belongs in a blanket by the side of the road

7:07

I Guess

7:13

oh, yeah, exactly Someone has

7:15

to make the picture on the cardboard of

7:17

the blanket that you buy as you see

7:19

what it looks like What's unfolded truly truly

7:21

art that like Tony Montana would fucking house

7:24

like a to gaudy for him Yeah,

7:26

but not too gaudy for the same person who has

7:29

a Tony Montana poster I My

7:34

favorite thing about tiktok is that somebody will

7:36

spend just as much time Painting

7:39

that beautiful thing that you described as

7:41

they will making the guy from Mega

7:43

Mind look buff and hot Yeah, which

7:45

is my favorite fucking yeah, it's

7:47

just the like the club runway

7:50

music to hot drawings of

7:55

The internet was a mistake We've

7:57

always established that yeah, this thing. In

8:00

love with To Cock and I wonder if

8:02

it's a generational thing? I wonder if it's

8:04

like it's like younger millennials engines the are

8:06

starting to do it or wonder if it's

8:08

just on certain places like Tic Tacs where

8:10

the currency the people running now is time

8:13

it would. And what I mean by that

8:15

is like we've seen a lot of stuff

8:17

on you tube. We've seen a lot of

8:19

that Mr Beasts if I called Jimmy because

8:21

we're so close. Look awesome. I coach Jimbo

8:23

because we're not close anymore. This this, this,

8:25

this. I see Jumbos

8:28

content, you know, and he's doing stuff that.

8:30

Seems really expensive and I want to be clear it's

8:32

good stuff that he's doing. For the most part he

8:34

doesn't plan any of it. He doesn't

8:36

actually do any other work for it,

8:38

he just kind of shows up macro,

8:40

see bank or allow even then you

8:42

know either And arguments for it by

8:44

point is is that he does a

8:47

lot of stuff that's really impressive because

8:49

of how expensive it is. Gail this

8:51

scale is insane but tic toc at

8:53

least a lot of the things that

8:55

I see go viral are things that

8:57

the only thing the cost was time.

8:59

I would suggest five minute long time

9:01

lapse of a guy who stared at

9:03

a clock for twenty four straight hours

9:05

that he stayed. Awake. For.

9:07

Twenty four hours so that he

9:09

could from start to finish watching

9:11

clock go all the way around

9:13

it twice. Is doing in the service method.

9:16

Booty. Mean that's ah monsieur be start it's

9:18

it's content was by watching clocks. So mischievous

9:20

old can't believe that link be was he

9:22

would do stuff like. How long does

9:25

it take to get to the bottom of xl?

9:27

Okay, and he would just a lot. just. Until.

9:29

We got to the bottleneck cel just like twenty six hour

9:32

with yes or like how is it takes it. Cut.

9:34

Up table and half of the Placid. Nice interest

9:36

in it that it was a stuff like that.

9:38

just list of these has a thought of for

9:40

would never do since the time such as he

9:42

was asleep. Do it. And. That's what

9:44

he built the brain on basically. So what

9:47

we're learning: As if you value

9:49

if you value your time Sapphire

9:51

Ff If you just keep digging

9:53

a hole, you'll eventually get to

9:55

the other side to fabulous wealth

9:57

and. Like. and well no literally that It's

10:00

a whole genre of YouTuber that is, what

10:03

if I did this thing and

10:05

that's like what the front page like there's this one

10:07

guy his name's anything like

10:09

Tyler Oh Olivia

10:12

Olivia, I don't know and he

10:14

does stuff like how like

10:16

it was like how long does it take to cut

10:19

a tree down with a wooden axe Hmm,

10:22

and he just does that or like how long can I survive?

10:25

Next to a volcano sure Just

10:28

cuz he just he just does stuff like that. But here

10:30

well, here's the here's the here's the the

10:32

sunk cost fallacy Is that

10:34

like mr. Beast is the like exception

10:36

not the rule? Oh, yeah like it's like well

10:39

I'm gonna do the same thing and see if

10:41

I can cut a tree down with a fucking

10:43

spork and then you do it and Nothing comes

10:45

from it and they're like I

10:50

disagree with you because I watched five

10:52

minutes of a guy staring at a

10:54

clock. It's not interesting at all No,

10:56

I watched it cuz I was like

10:58

away I

11:02

think he was pissing under a blanket into

11:04

a jar. Okay, quite honest with real how

11:06

are Hughes ours? Who

11:09

just did shit did like he put his hand

11:11

in the thing of nitrogen remember him? Yeah, he

11:13

would like drink stuff. That was bad just to

11:15

see what happened. Yeah. Well, I think I

11:18

think it's a fucking it's a it's a scale

11:20

cuz you're right I didn't know that about mr.

11:22

Beast's origins or I feel like I did and

11:25

I remembered it when you told me Because you

11:27

but also it doesn't matter. I

11:29

didn't know that stuff about mr. Beast's origins until

11:31

you said it and

11:33

I I feel like Yeah,

11:35

you have that it's The

11:38

currency of how much time I will

11:40

waste on a stupid idea is so

11:42

funny But you have to

11:45

like there's like a cleverness to it

11:47

like watching the clock I think it's funny seeing

11:49

what the bottom of Excel is. I think it's

11:51

kind of funny But Then

11:53

you have people that waste their time and they

11:55

waste minimal time. But They waste a lot of

11:57

resource and what I mean by that are those.

12:00

Guys like that One guy who's like

12:02

this one's for all the jugglers just

12:04

allow in his backyard. any fucking jumps

12:06

off as a totally for human superhuman

12:09

odds you a fucking out and covered

12:11

and will have asked where it's like

12:13

that. The other respects minimal amount of

12:16

time but it's gonna take a lot

12:18

more time to recover. Oh yeah, it's

12:20

or time the time wasted on camera

12:22

here is that important part It It's.

12:25

Is the he says it's the skill. Of.

12:28

Li what part? You're. Willing to least

12:30

two later as easy as a video les

12:32

les Les he saw it. For. The

12:34

book is liga. And that. Would

12:36

Tilburg and the Know boys aren't love and does

12:38

the like. lock themselves and the garage and they

12:40

get three pounds of weed and they lead on

12:43

fire in Italy for. Some.

12:45

A lot of your I see basically

12:47

almost suffocated. The omens fucking die at

12:49

all either way. Second, literally how depressed

12:51

Dad is that you'll have I'm somewhat

12:54

lacking a car garage and starting the

12:56

and and I'm like yeah, but it's

12:58

got fucking we'd busy I settled. On

13:02

on on I met a man

13:04

asks you to imagine forgiven if

13:06

the either way of killing yourself

13:09

up a blood vessels as I

13:11

would. Say a visually for like six

13:13

seconds it did look sick as hell.

13:15

Yeah because it looks sick disease that

13:17

much because like know maybe you know

13:20

Anna we took a bullet him to

13:22

it. Yeah so when it comes out

13:24

is that mean allegedly allegedly and that

13:26

volume of a leaf blower said they

13:28

look Super six would did look Super

13:30

six was when the camera man if

13:32

it here people be like ah I

13:34

see it Cvc ah where's the door

13:36

and you're just looking at smoke and

13:38

nobody's. The Us and then

13:41

that some really starts gonna live in

13:43

his you know, assume that the electronic

13:45

data. And

13:47

was no current shopper settles or

13:49

have. Given

13:51

Charlie went everywhere as the worst part

13:53

is because they're also getting hired as

13:56

yeah I don't have that privilege say

13:58

like scared or do you. You're

14:00

a guy I think the I definitely

14:02

got high, both from the weed itself

14:04

instantly hitting them, but also from the

14:06

lack of oxygen as. It's if is deathly.

14:08

I was split she knew it can you

14:10

even if you're breathing and the your nose. Is

14:13

there room full of weed smoke? Is it

14:15

gonna go with what the fuck is against?

14:17

Could go on boxes. Yeah I. Don't. Have

14:19

never thought it actually worked. Yeah, we're

14:21

yeah because I was a semi

14:23

urban legend. Rainbow Party wasilla. Lesson

14:26

if you do a weed. And

14:28

will use any so get one we'd for

14:30

you. When you do a lead me smoke

14:32

it. Is. It goes in your lungs and

14:34

thus the part that makes you high when it come

14:36

out is all the high stuff in your lungs. and

14:38

now it's a. Slippery. Carbon Dioxide

14:41

only is carbon. Then that acts as a

14:43

my. I mean I don't think it's I

14:45

think it's carbon dioxide going. I figured

14:47

smoke and carcinogens so you're not supposed

14:49

to do this or that would you

14:51

do that? Mm heel if you're going

14:53

to sound like me but forever for

14:55

the moon. I was first got sick

14:57

and all I was doing was Harvey

14:59

Fires Diseases Allies Out of that David

15:01

Why do I said my mother when

15:04

they add add that. I

15:06

said my mother duet where they. Are

15:09

Miami Vice. City

15:12

Sweet. I'm. Minutes and Robin Williams and

15:14

Will Aid is better than you would do a

15:16

fucking lately. Don't you worry about I did that

15:18

for so long that I don't know I know

15:21

where my voice. Is

15:23

Adam yodeling to Doctor Girlfriend? That.

15:26

As Doctor Girlfriends Arena I was

15:28

doing, I was doing. Its

15:31

own doctor clogged pursuing classes

15:33

disliked sit smell are smart

15:36

as were. Put me over

15:38

the ads. A smarter to

15:40

put me overhead Sweethearts anyway?

15:42

yeah. That's know there's a

15:44

minute. Nice customer now spiral a

15:46

where's the I was smoke soon

15:48

as they can get matters is

15:50

whether. The. Roots of

15:52

Ghosts and There and as sets you back

15:55

airing. That's so fucking weird. It's there's no

15:57

way for to make sense but it takes

15:59

so much as. To do that, I

16:01

don't know that when I inhale the

16:03

smoke that I'm taking all of the

16:05

high supplements in my body. it's an

16:08

ex healing like a pure oxygen. That's

16:11

how it works. I feel like it's just the

16:14

I don't but I had a from being clear

16:16

with you I don't know why. The.

16:18

Smoke makes me how fast. The other

16:20

thing or ice know I know as written

16:22

some locals you can. Miss most it is when

16:24

he's kind of yes even you can bust the leaders

16:26

certain temperature that to this T C. that's why. We

16:28

can't just eating at home, but.

16:31

They. Hit you can you know as after

16:33

you activate the. Wasn't that asset the accident at

16:35

first. He has his. Own.

16:37

Invade analysis your dogs yeah

16:39

and I've seen really has

16:41

insisted it's a to see

16:43

about that me as. A

16:45

dog sitting in my friend's dog ate

16:48

like the individually. And I

16:50

thought dying, no End of

16:52

the joint covered up on

16:55

radio and and wanna know?

16:57

Yeah and rehman. Diamond.

16:59

Joints can see it was an ally.

17:01

Illegal roads. And. With lit room

17:04

to the answer the is the see

17:06

consumed it sees as. A counter

17:08

surfer? Yeah. And. I thought

17:10

she was dying is I'm sorry or

17:12

driving as to this is is that

17:14

to those worries and Sousa's know that's.

17:18

Really crying all wally. I was a

17:20

season so it's please read. Now. She's

17:22

just like me. for real. That's what I would live and let. Them

17:26

as edible. A sudden. I was like

17:28

oh my, I pod know that seesawed

17:30

god. Galaxy was literally a like

17:33

oh yes some she was not

17:35

enchantment of machine out some random

17:37

vulcan fractals initiate a set them

17:40

aside me a picture up a

17:42

dog and a sixer of the

17:44

dog was playing in i was

17:47

at my mother was with black

17:49

person says that everything's great insider

17:51

oppose them up as Imo dog.

17:55

My. God. It's

17:58

in hindsight, is sleep. It was

18:00

very wouldn't have lice it's own site.

18:04

Know. Outside. And of ill so setting what

18:06

was happening to Spill Lake when I found out

18:08

that she was high muslim that started laughing that

18:11

flicker, having fun and then as it's like it's

18:13

like was like watching a toddler walk. For the

18:15

first time. I

18:17

actually have a form of the

18:19

hound version which I suppose I'm

18:22

not lot of allocated. outside I

18:24

stood services so Subaru either gray

18:26

room with a good litter a

18:28

such everything is Grants are my

18:31

ha. Ha ha

18:33

ha. Measure serves

18:36

me out as occasionally you'll see like

18:38

stuff you know either as it's news

18:40

on twitter it's like would you smoke

18:42

this and it is like the zoo

18:44

eight minutes. Like looks like a Chicago dog

18:46

own admission. Like is you want to six

18:48

six board? You do. Have you ever was

18:50

you do? I don't know. die. And

18:54

that's what I would do if I smoke bad, are skilled

18:56

and way. To feel like there is

18:58

a hooker. One. Day

19:01

I accidentally ingested I think

19:03

we did the math any

19:06

think it was about. ah.

19:09

Seventy. Two hundred milligrams. I'm

19:11

sorry Tv, it's the I'm

19:13

sorry yeah. We. Went to

19:15

a there's actually a video of it

19:17

that is up on my you it's

19:19

me and I'm from Castillo from from

19:22

Roast Battle are still hi yes I

19:24

don't ever think I left the room.

19:26

Have you seen Stephen King? fourteen? or

19:28

will. Never left. Yeah,

19:30

it was his own Jacob's Ladder hundred the

19:32

rest of your life spending a lot of

19:34

fucking. I like. jokes aside, I swear to

19:36

God the worst part of be my eyes

19:38

users moments where you feel it's hard to

19:40

go down and then you feel it gets

19:42

worse and know what. How

19:45

it was like I was a rock bottom

19:47

and I saw the for crumble. Sunken

19:52

Falling even worse. Yeah I went

19:54

to a are a weed carnival.

19:57

Of. sand all the carnival my

19:59

friends You see the people who

20:01

work there? That's a carnival. No, you

20:04

think it's a fence there. That's

20:08

all fairs, maybe. It's

20:10

the same joke, but it's still the same truth. Yeah,

20:14

my favorite part about the weed carnival is

20:16

that at a normal carnival, you can just

20:18

go buy a beer, but people are sneaking

20:21

in weed. But at the weed carnival, you

20:23

can bring in weed and people are sneaking

20:25

in beer. Incredible.

20:28

This is an absolute fucking

20:30

delight. Oh my God. Anything

20:33

to get crossfaded. Anything. Anything.

20:36

Anything. Anything. I

20:38

think we were in Pomona, I

20:40

want to say. And

20:43

it was a weed carnival. I was filming it

20:45

for this show that I used to do called

20:47

We're Best Friends Now, where I

20:49

would hang out with another comedian friend of

20:52

mine and we would do something that they

20:54

liked doing. I hung out with another comedian,

20:56

Pula Viganalan, and she's

20:58

a dancer, so I took an advanced

21:01

hip hop dance class with her.

21:03

And imagine this. Advanced.

21:06

Slightly less unhealthy doing fucking

21:08

advanced hip hop dances where

21:11

they thought I was having a seizure. And I was like,

21:13

no, I'm doing the moves. I'm

21:15

doing the moves. I'm not being

21:17

electrocuted. No, no. There

21:19

was like Paige Wesley and I from

21:21

Cult Podcast before we were doing Cult

21:24

Podcast. Got our feet in red. We

21:26

do all this stuff. So I went

21:28

with Frank Castillo, huge stoner to this

21:30

weed carnival. And we

21:32

were just walking around filming stuff, being goofy

21:34

idiots. I ate

21:36

a bunch of edibles that

21:39

people willingly gave us. That's insane to me. Well,

21:41

I ate the edibles because I wanted to get

21:43

high. And that was fine. That I was fine

21:45

with. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

21:48

saying it's insane because usually if I want to get high, I have... Half-end

21:50

edible. Yeah, you ate multiple.

21:52

I ate multiple. Like

21:54

a fucking sleeve of starburst. I didn't

21:56

eat the orange edibles because they're fucking

21:59

dumb. The get roman growth

22:01

rate. I'm I'm I'm. And

22:07

the crazy thing is, it's one of

22:09

those places where like it's are essentially

22:11

like think of it like a business

22:13

fares so everyone's bringing their bias, most

22:15

strongest edibles, and point. Yeah, it's an

22:18

unchecked arms race out to the area

22:20

xactly of who can send me to

22:22

them who are not. Yes, Ah, and

22:24

I am I eating all these animals.

22:27

I'm eating all the stuff from smoking.

22:29

All this we'd I'm getting high as

22:31

shit that I get a phone call

22:33

from a Booker in San Diego who

22:35

goes. Hey. Can you do

22:38

twenty minutes? And this is what I'm like.

22:40

A couple met years and do stand up

22:42

comedy and and I haven't really gotten a

22:44

chance to do a twenty minute. Say I'm

22:46

like. I absolutely

22:48

do that. Forgetting that I just ate

22:50

like seven fuck him animals like oh

22:52

shit, are I have to. Sober.

22:55

Up. So. That we can finish this

22:57

video and I can get to San Diego

22:59

say induce twenty minutes and I'm like a

23:01

the only way I'm in a sober up

23:03

with the way that we'd work Sussex to

23:05

fatty it's he six the fat cells saw

23:07

me to go eat something really sad you

23:09

really gross to go over to the food

23:11

courts and I order everything our a burger

23:13

I order a large chili cheese fries, I

23:15

order a pizza and then like a desert

23:17

thing and I'm just like eating all this

23:19

food and a we on of all that's

23:22

called a number one. And

23:26

I got it a small so it only came with a

23:28

large spread. Some eating all

23:30

this food, the food courts, people are fucking looking

23:32

at me the camera guy so rolling and I'm

23:34

like okay and what's going on for as I'm

23:36

eating us This guy comes up to me knows

23:39

what you're really brave for your was and they

23:41

were like you ordered like the full flight from

23:43

a guy stuff and has like. Yeah.

23:45

I mean it looks really good.

23:47

Philly get whoa He's like are

23:49

designated weeds chef That's what he's

23:51

in here is that unlike the

23:53

regular outside food courts everything that

23:56

he made was made with weed

23:58

butter and we'd oil and. We

24:00

did the math vilified seven be

24:02

I think seventy two or so

24:05

bow or hundred, the following real

24:07

grams of t seats. I. Have.

24:09

Seven Point Five Milligrams and the the have sick

24:11

of Xanax who the got to high. All

24:13

their a new here minute. Well first of

24:15

all like a pet food your body reaches

24:18

a point where it came and process numbers

24:20

are you doing said you found the limit

24:22

outlets around the like day. the gate the

24:24

threshold where your body just goes well done

24:26

with This year's going to be going to

24:29

be on planet year on autopilot. On for

24:31

the Rebel Five. So sleep. oh yeah yeah

24:33

I mean was standing. I fell asleep again.

24:35

Certain points and then are my friends Wage

24:38

woke up the carnival was gone. Sitting

24:42

in a field like fuckin Walter

24:44

White out of there a little

24:46

less the oh i don't Victory

24:48

Carnival ever exist Not a such

24:50

as as one of those like

24:52

prime paradoxes. yeah ah yeah and

24:54

so I fall asleep standing up.

24:57

I had to be carried sort

24:59

of carried to cars were my

25:01

friend Frank drove us to San

25:03

Diego from Pomona Arm and then

25:05

I just slept in the green

25:07

roof until I woke up a

25:09

half of a burger vomited profuse

25:11

air. This I was. Waiting for

25:13

the p hours I was that was

25:16

com It was really bad. I vomited

25:18

profusely. Ah and then I did the

25:20

weirdest twenty minutes of sand. Have you

25:22

ever see you did a twenty minute

25:24

or absolute I seen since they did

25:26

so he acts years. Since

25:29

you are you with your head

25:31

or little illegal and reserves any

25:33

the. Any money or

25:35

dating all. Right

25:38

into them. Oh

25:40

My. God. I'm then and she

25:42

couldn't. Bring

25:45

myself to do you do Twenty

25:47

minutes of that packages said imaginable

25:49

like that. Oh man, my wife's

25:51

guys as such as put them

25:53

at all existing are often at

25:55

all. and was blissfully minister was

25:58

manifested entire twenty minutes of

26:00

the lived reality that you were stuck in for

26:02

that entire time, where you do have like a

26:04

bitch wife and kids you hate, and you're just

26:06

doing an entire set. Yeah,

26:09

you have the, in the sitcom

26:11

version of this, it's like the best set

26:13

of your life, and like you're asked

26:15

to like, you know, you get booked on

26:17

a bigger show and have to try to

26:20

recreate that moment. Yeah, so I'm tracking down

26:22

this magic. Yeah, exactly, the magic

26:24

shots, to like recreate the exact conditions to

26:26

recreate this, yeah. Oh my God, it was

26:28

one of the worst experiences of my life,

26:30

and I, yeah,

26:32

I definitely don't ever want to

26:35

do that much again. I can't

26:37

believe you ever did a lead again after that.

26:39

It took a while. Yeah. It definitely

26:41

took a while. Well, most of it

26:43

is you're still hyphened. Yeah, yeah, seriously.

26:45

I feel like if you got too

26:47

hot, it would reactivate. Truly, you crack

26:49

my neck. Oh, I'm back, baby. Yes,

26:51

like after, and you spike forever. Yeah,

26:54

okay, hold on. I want to look this

26:57

up really quick, so that I can tell

26:59

you when it happened, because I think this

27:01

is starting to explain why Armando is the

27:03

way that Armando is. This

27:06

was six years

27:08

ago, and I'm 28 right now,

27:10

so I was 22. So when

27:13

I was 22 years old, that's when

27:15

it happened, and I think it fundamentally

27:17

changed the way that my brain works.

27:19

I'm picturing the fucking, the

27:22

white blood cells in your brain, like that's,

27:24

they're like 911. It

27:26

was just like, it was just a Tuesday, like

27:29

in the other day. Except their slogan is

27:31

always forget. They're

27:35

trying to finish building your prefrontal cortex, and

27:37

it's just like, and then darkness. Yeah.

27:39

Darkness for 72 hours. It's

27:42

like the fucking eclipse, like looking up

27:44

at like a shadow of fucking team

27:46

weed smoke. Mr.

27:49

President, a second blunt has hit the lips.

27:53

Armando is under attack. Jesus

27:57

fucking Christ. Hey, I hate to switch it up

27:59

on you guys. But I have a hypothetical for you.

28:01

Give it to us. Yeah. I've been thinking about this

28:03

for a couple of days, and I want to get

28:05

your take on it. Let's say

28:07

you and a friend are having a

28:09

movie night. Movie and pizza night. Love

28:11

it. Love it. And you go, I

28:13

got the movie. You come over to

28:15

my place. All I need you

28:18

to do is grab the pizza out of the way

28:20

here, and they go, I got you. I'm here. I'm

28:22

ready. Let's go for it. They show

28:24

up at your house. Yeah. Frozen

28:26

pizza from a grocery store. Oh,

28:28

go. Get the fuck out of

28:30

my house. We're not for I'm deleting you. I'm blocking

28:32

you. We

28:35

are never speaking again. Interesting. Well,

28:37

OK. You first. No,

28:39

go ahead. You have you. Frozen

28:42

pizza. Because there's one pizza frozen pizza I can

28:44

think of that I would allow, but it would

28:46

still be like, come on, man.

28:49

I feel like this is where

28:51

we are going to have differences.

28:53

My favorite frozen pizza that's available

28:55

everywhere is a DiGiorno Rising Crest

28:57

pizza with pepperoni, classic. I'm not

28:59

doing that. I'm doing the screaming

29:02

Sicilian. Sure. Great fucking

29:04

oven pizza. Sam's

29:07

Club, take home and bake pizza

29:10

might be my favorite at home pizza.

29:12

Interesting. I agree with you because

29:14

I feel like that one is

29:16

not. I feel like it's

29:18

not a true frozen pizza. Yeah, because it's

29:20

the one that's refrigerated pizza. It's the one

29:22

that they give you there when you buy it for a

29:25

dollar twenty five and get a big old drink with it.

29:27

So good. Yeah. So I would

29:29

forgive that. That one is forgivable. I

29:31

can see that. OK. So

29:33

oh, by the way, pro

29:35

tip. You can very easily gussy up a frozen

29:37

pizza, like literally drizzling like a little olive oil

29:39

on top of it and cutting up literally any

29:42

fresh vegetable on top of it. You

29:44

can make a tomato. Yeah, exactly.

29:46

You can really you can actually like plus

29:49

up a frozen pizza tremendously with a couple

29:51

of moves. What's up, by the way, just

29:53

as an aside, Andrew and I found the

29:55

pizza that I've been looking for. We did.

29:57

Holy shit. I've been looking for a very.

30:00

specific type of like 1980s

30:02

pizza hut like we you just won

30:04

the fucking season and we're all going

30:06

to the pizza parlor you read a

30:09

hundred books and oh what like

30:12

rising bread ass pizza it's

30:14

the fucking hand tossed pizza

30:16

from Jets Jets here not

30:19

sponsored not sponsored but guess what Jets

30:22

we could be give us a t-shirt

30:24

come on Jets if you give

30:27

us like a deal where we can tell

30:29

our listeners if you can prove that you've

30:31

listened to a hundred episodes I

30:42

moved here and us finding it was like

30:45

an insane little rate and I only remembered

30:47

it because we got one pepperoni pan pizza

30:49

and we just ordered the other hand tossed

30:51

one is like let's just get a second

30:53

pizza and it was a Italian and green

30:56

bell pepper oh my mom

30:58

yeah it was so good mark my own

31:00

mark my own what the fuck all right

31:02

so anyway you know I can't

31:04

believe we didn't mention that we did find that pizza and

31:06

it was like one of the best days so yeah I

31:10

completely if they show if a friend shows up

31:12

with a frozen pizza regardless of quality of the

31:14

frozen pizza mm-hmm it yeah

31:16

I'm not I'm not a block instantly but I'm a really I

31:19

I would say something if it was a good enough friend

31:21

I'd be like oh the

31:24

fuck man because like you because

31:26

again moat like there are some

31:34

frozen pizzas that are pretty good but again like pizza

31:37

and movie night it is a I

31:39

got up bake it now I know now

31:42

we're now we are at least 22 minutes away yeah from

31:45

a pizza when I heard you knock on

31:47

my door my mouth was ready to eat

31:49

pizza before you sat down yes I

31:51

was gonna grab a slice before I hit the

31:54

cat I let you through the

31:56

door and one arm open the

31:58

box by in the like Nine

32:00

and I know belief I was going

32:02

to open the door cracked reach my

32:04

head as a slice of pizza come

32:06

in and then you would hear it

32:08

Inserted series of Osx physicists say moscow.

32:14

Retinal scan. Don't have

32:16

a the door opens and you see that there are

32:18

no lox. Assist me in the guys from but. When

32:25

loan. Oh

32:28

my God are I let me sit. Sit, Sit

32:30

Sit. I didn't good at what I'm

32:32

here is that there is the the

32:34

for most saying that is making everyone

32:37

upset is the fact that you are

32:39

ready to eat the pizza yes but

32:41

it was not ready when it's yeah.

32:43

It's not like a. It's not

32:45

like the oh how dare you like to

32:47

that's just like a six dollars isn't pizza

32:49

sir. It's the incident. Took it before you

32:51

came over. Okay, well it it. It's a

32:53

commoner equivalent of like a you were absent.

32:55

From school I brought your homework, the. Yourself

32:59

or dare you question?

33:02

Yeah, somebody. You

33:05

invite over to a a pizza and

33:07

movie night? Isn't that? as they. Have

33:11

in their own of and pizza slice it

33:13

up, put it in like a tupperware container

33:15

of some sorts and bring it to your

33:18

house is sammy do the sea is no

33:20

I have know say to do that all

33:22

we have i to happen to me or

33:24

if i did this to somebody is various

33:27

to say truly hypothetical question that a soldier

33:29

they've got a they've laid back their own

33:31

to they bake their own. At

33:33

home frozen pizza, put it in Tupperware and

33:35

bring it over. And. That is

33:38

going to require a wellness check. I am like

33:40

that. a. Man's

33:43

been sell this is. Your

33:46

problem was that the pizza was ready

33:48

when they showed up. I have solved

33:50

That problem is solved. That problem in

33:53

money is another what you've introduced a

33:55

whole nother problem. which is that your

33:57

friend. This is a psychopath. Yeah, because

33:59

like. A guy. Why do you say

34:01

go back. To. Be less. Well

34:04

first of all the I put it to

34:06

you that like frozen pizza like bacon or

34:08

and pizza is only good in the time

34:11

from the oven when it's done. To.

34:13

The plate to the couch. And

34:15

like french fries can not survive a car

34:18

ride he were frozen pizza and nuts or

34:20

our car is in imperialism being sued eggs

34:22

for it needs to be eaten so immediately

34:24

after it's cooked my battle has been Ninety

34:26

percent of mouth burned come from frozen pizza

34:29

being eaten too quickly. Space you have to

34:31

eat it at that temperature cause the second

34:33

a cool down so that she that's on

34:35

it turns up last year of so you

34:37

need. To visit? That's it. I'm almost

34:40

immediately and. It's not so rubbing

34:42

on. I think it's intentional so that the first

34:44

by burns off your taste buds and you can

34:46

see how bad. Absolutely.

34:50

Questions so so them

34:52

suffer the them really

34:55

moving so I miss.

34:58

The like. This hypothetical friend Alan Oh

35:00

bar down though. What? it? I

35:03

would have you would if he wouldn't be ordered the only

35:06

one of these. What

35:08

is he? okay? this person

35:10

I don't know. a scholar

35:12

mosques. What? Is

35:14

this hypothetical person who hunts

35:17

column Armando for his. Age

35:20

or of have to ask Armando to

35:22

you. Hadn't

35:26

had in addition to her twenty a

35:28

team Honda Civic that allowed them to

35:30

have aim of him in the trunk

35:32

and I baked be oven pizza in

35:34

the trunk and brought it immediately to

35:37

your door. If it's summertime and sexes

35:39

you don't need to add that in.

35:41

A sad that on a user that

35:43

would happen Now that's where a pizza

35:46

Ah I'm. I'm truly

35:48

here's here's who. Questioned by the

35:50

yes yes is I feel like.

35:53

there's something completely unhinged

35:55

about bringing an oven

35:58

pizza when Somebody

36:00

is expecting like

36:02

a pizza from a restaurant or something Because

36:06

like I feel like if

36:08

I invited you over for pizza and

36:10

movies and you made

36:12

From scratch a pizza in your

36:14

own oven cut it up and

36:16

brought it even in like not

36:19

Tupperware And a pizza an appropriate

36:21

thing it would still be

36:23

fucking weird Correct. What if you

36:25

go to their house and they make it that's different

36:27

But it's also not and that's fucking sick But

36:30

now we're still running into the same issue of

36:32

the thing of like I was ready to eat

36:34

now Yeah, now I don't have it. Yeah, that

36:36

is upsetting So there is a weird

36:38

middle ground that pizza you can

36:40

get from a pizza delivery place

36:43

serves And that it is ready

36:45

now it You

36:48

didn't make it yourself or have to go

36:50

by like get the ingredients or buy it

36:52

or something Like I'm trying

36:54

to figure out the pizza

36:56

molecules are basically the fucking same

37:00

Find out what the difference is between

37:02

where yeah, if I'm if I'm making

37:04

it at home, where is the phase

37:06

change? Yes, where is the

37:09

phase change? That's because it's undeniably fucking

37:11

weird the phase change is the

37:13

fire that's licking the edge of the

37:15

crust and Versus your

37:17

oven in the place that you rent that

37:20

you've never cleaned the last ten It never

37:22

cleaned and honestly was probably never wiped down

37:24

from the chemicals and factory was made from

37:26

I'll tell you also where the phase changes It comes

37:28

in because it's a different place the face changes in

37:30

a different place in both of these scenarios in the

37:33

one where they bring Over the pizza. Okay, it's because

37:35

work now has to be done And the

37:37

thing is not ready right now, which is the whole which is

37:39

like 90% of the people so hungry So

37:42

hungry and it's 90% of the appeal

37:44

of pizza is that it's literally little season has

37:46

a name for it hot ready It's ready to

37:48

put the movie on universal logo. I want to

37:50

see it now the other

37:52

day the other demon right

38:00

Um, now I'm jumping in front. So

38:03

I guys, not to

38:06

save you, but just to die. So

38:09

the face change that happens with the other

38:11

one where like I'm making a pizza at

38:13

home and bringing it over to your place

38:15

is the lake. So

38:20

I think that like that, that face change

38:22

happens on the like social level

38:24

where like this is in some

38:27

weird violation of like the social contract

38:29

because it completely not

38:32

only that, like, it's like, Oh yeah, I'll get pizza.

38:34

That means you also have to do the work there

38:36

at your place. So I'm not leaving for, I'm not

38:38

at least, I'm at least not leaving my place for

38:40

20, 25 minutes. Yeah. Well,

38:42

I either thought if you're making a

38:44

pizza, it takes even longer than that. Um, cause you

38:46

got to prove the dough and all that stuff and

38:48

like blood, rest all that shit. So like, again,

38:52

it is, I think it

38:54

happens to do different places, but the delineation

38:56

is that like work is required. Sure. I

38:58

don't know. I think it's very strange. Cause

39:00

like you said, you brought up the thing

39:03

about the ovens and I have two counterpoints

39:05

for that one. You're fucking crazy. If you

39:07

think Domino's is cleaning their fucking brick a

39:09

shit. Well, no, that one you leave dirty.

39:11

Yeah. It's supposed to be dirty. Your oven's

39:13

not. It tastes good because it's dirty. Yeah.

39:15

No, I know. I know. I know. I

39:17

know. But what I'm saying is that like,

39:20

it's still weird. If my friend had a

39:23

pizza oven outside, a brick pizza oven at

39:25

their house. First of all, why are you

39:27

coming to my shit ass apartment? The

39:31

point still stands of like, if I

39:33

invited that person over for pizza and

39:36

movies and they brought their own homemade

39:38

pizza, it's still weird. And I don't

39:40

know why. Okay. I'm about to throw

39:42

another wrench. I'm throwing about another wrinkle

39:44

in the shirt. Yeah. You

39:47

invite Anton Brown

39:49

over to your place for a

39:51

movie and pizza. And

39:54

he goes, absolutely. I'm right now. I'll be

39:56

right there. He makes a pizza

39:58

at his place. from scratch and brings

40:01

it over. I

40:03

know you're gonna think I'm being a

40:05

contrarian. I'm giving you my completely 100%

40:07

honest reaction. In

40:10

this scenario, I'm mad because I'm

40:12

like, okay, fuck you, dude. You

40:15

show off piece of shit. You fucking

40:17

showboat and fuck you. Yeah, like

40:20

I'm mad for a different reason.

40:23

Like it flipped so far

40:25

the other way of the work that they

40:27

did. What if it's in a box? Is

40:30

that okay? I think it's the box. If

40:32

you had like a central casting Italian guy

40:34

on the thing and it was like, oh,

40:36

where'd you get it? And you're like, oh,

40:38

a new place opened up near me and

40:40

looked at the camera. Would that

40:42

be... Wink. It's not

40:44

delivery. It's DiGiorno right underneath

40:47

you. Deception? Would that be

40:50

okay? It's

40:53

not delivery. It's a mental health

40:55

crisis. Like

40:59

would essentially like pill pocketing it

41:01

work for you? So you're saying that

41:03

from my experience as

41:06

the host... Your friend did this to the box. Yeah, yeah,

41:08

yeah, yeah. When they brought it to you. And flop, flop,

41:10

flop, flop. And Michael Winslow's there

41:13

too. And I'm just like, dude, shut the

41:15

fuck up. I know what the

41:17

box sounds like. I just

41:19

flipped it. How about you pay

41:21

your fucking rent, goddamn it. And

41:23

he goes, anyway. Yeah,

41:25

if my experience is you

41:28

show up with the box

41:30

and it has pizza in it and I don't know

41:33

that you made it, I'm fine. So

41:35

it is the box. The difference

41:37

between anything... It's the

41:39

box. It's not the pizza. It's not the effort.

41:43

It's not anything else that's been done. It's

41:45

the fucking box. The box.

41:48

I feel like if I got one of those like $60

41:50

deep dish pizzas from VIA313, but then I got rid

41:53

of the box and I put it in a ziplock bag, you want to kill me.

41:56

Yeah, I would be so upset

41:58

with you. Fuck you. You're

42:00

like, yeah, I'm mad at the thought of it. I'm

42:03

not in an area ready to fucking.

42:06

I think what we're trying to say

42:08

here is that pizza, just like all

42:10

three of our love lives, it's all

42:13

about the box, baby. All right. All

42:17

right. That was look over. There's a cloud where

42:19

grip used to be. All

42:23

right. Well, thank you so much for joining us.

42:25

We have another segment left. We're going to do

42:27

some always on, of course. But, uh, if you

42:29

want to weigh in here on this argument, this

42:32

thing that I came up with in my sick,

42:34

addled braid that I've just been releasing on people.

42:36

A real Nyquil question. The

42:38

best part about this hypothetical is I keep asking people

42:41

and they go, why? Why? Why

42:43

are you asking me? Is this something that happened to

42:45

you or is this something that somebody did? Cause you

42:47

guys aren't even the first person to ask me that.

42:50

You're like the third person that's gone. Why are

42:52

you asking? It's just happened to you or did

42:54

you do this to someone? And you know,

42:56

it's one of the, there's no third.

42:59

If you want to weigh in on, if you

43:01

think it's the box or if you think it's

43:03

something different, please do leave us a comment, uh,

43:06

and, and help us out. And again,

43:08

you can go to the RT podcast.com/first.

43:11

I need the money. I need to buy

43:13

more pizzas so that I can try this

43:15

experiment on people and we can come with

43:17

an answer. I feel like this is something

43:19

that we should fill. We should. Yeah. And

43:21

you know what we're going to do? We're

43:23

going to buy boxes. Yes. Oh yeah.

43:26

We're going to get some. I was already on Ali

43:28

express looking for boxes. And

43:30

guess what? We can get 5,000 piece boxes for 86

43:33

cents. We're

43:36

going to have to try this, uh, on

43:38

every single member of face. 100%

43:40

separate them so we can test it on them. I

43:45

salute. It'll be the RTP. What's

43:47

up. We'll put a

43:49

poll on Spotify. So if you're listening on

43:52

Spotify, go there. All right. So we're going

43:54

to head into always on. It's my favorite

43:56

segment of the show and yeah, we'll see

43:58

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44:04

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45:24

Thank you to Shopify for sponsoring this episode of the

45:26

Rooster Teeth podcast. Oh,

45:31

hey everybody. I

45:37

don't know if you've been paying

45:39

attention, but the news is terrible.

45:41

So we've taken some headlines and

45:43

turned them into punchlines. It's time

45:45

for Always On. We

45:48

are doing our world famous circle joke, which

45:50

is where we have Griff sit in the

45:52

middle as Andrew and I joke off around

45:54

her. I think I'm

45:56

going to kick us off this week. Do it,

45:58

baby. All right. Over

46:00

1 million Germans gathered to rally

46:03

against the rising far-right political party.

46:05

And if you're confused as to

46:07

why that's important, it's because

46:09

they've actually had a rising far-right

46:11

party before, and it's the reason

46:14

why 1 million Germans gathering is

46:16

so fucking terrifying. The

46:23

world collectively gulp. Yeah, I love

46:26

so much about that joke is

46:28

I said 1 million Germans gathered

46:30

and Andrew went, ooh! I

46:32

think he instantly butthole pucker. Yeah, he

46:34

almost has height. Yeah.

46:37

Oh my God. Alright, folks,

46:39

a California woman was arrested for stealing $2,500

46:41

in Stanley Cups. Police

46:47

caught her in a cup sting operation, also

46:49

known as a thirst trap. Wait,

46:52

I'm sorry, I'm being told that when she was arrested, she

46:54

had to take a mugshot. Shut

46:56

the fuck up. Fuck you.

46:59

I'm retiring the segment. God

47:02

damn it. Can I tell you that I

47:04

saw that exact same news story, but I

47:06

didn't know what a Stanley Cup was except

47:08

for the hockey truck. I

47:10

was like, shit, this lady stole the fucking Stanley

47:12

Cup? I knew you can do that, honestly. Respect,

47:14

it's you right now. You get to keep it.

47:17

Also, that Stanley Cup only cost $2,500. It's

47:20

played it. Yeah. A

47:23

cholera of this one's really bad. A Colorado

47:26

pastor is being accused of pocketing $1.3

47:29

million in a crypto scheme claiming

47:31

that, quote, the Lord told us

47:33

to. And honestly, what do

47:36

you expect from a man who literally worships

47:38

a non-fungible fish? Shut up. You

47:41

can't. God's on

47:43

the blockchain, baby. Christ

47:46

is just a fucking Ponzi scheme. I

47:49

mean, that's the best possible way that Colorado pastors

47:51

send a statement. So I'll take it. Oh,

47:54

no, my apes. I mean, sorry. Oh, no,

47:57

my savior. Oh, another. Another

48:00

Pastor Story: A pastor in Ohio

48:02

faces criminal charges for opening his

48:04

church to the homeless for a

48:06

place to get warm. City.

48:08

Officials who were charged the pastor

48:10

are also going someplace warm. This

48:12

is the Ff Ff. It's Hell

48:14

is. Depressed

48:19

or hardly knew it sorrow same

48:21

as foreigner Arnold Schwarzenegger. was stopped

48:24

at customs in Munich over an

48:26

undeclared watch and if you're wondering

48:28

why that's important should be so

48:30

less time and Austrian got mad

48:32

at the German government. made a

48:35

million sermons rally. Ah,

48:41

Ah real real semantic always on

48:43

today. I love as young as.

48:46

Both. An investigation has revealed

48:48

that's Far Right figures are

48:50

creating a white Christian nationalist

48:52

haven in Kentucky. Authorities are

48:54

calling this haven Kentucky. Assess

48:57

as a. Man,

49:00

we were really yeah in tune with

49:02

each Oh yeah yeah, absolutely grants wrists

49:04

and griff you have a winner says

49:06

she doesn't make the possess a political.

49:09

Ah, Ah

49:13

ah ah. month if is a

49:15

double. Germany is. Our

49:18

first look for the issue.

49:20

Yeah, they're Gorbachev. cut a

49:22

hole in Outlaw. I

49:27

wish this is blowout and back.

49:29

Why that that? Are

49:35

still sort horny. Why did I

49:37

don't know? I will now folks.

49:41

we will be doing a special

49:43

always on i think on the

49:45

next episode of our teepees a

49:47

right yes yeah we will be

49:49

doing a a special segments called

49:51

everyone's often we're we have opened

49:53

up the floodgates so to speak

49:55

we have allowed everyone who works

49:57

as a rooster teeth employees to

49:59

say Jokes that we will be

50:01

reading Absolutely blind we won't

50:03

know what we're reading. We won't have anything

50:06

We'll just have it on the fucking teleprompter

50:08

and we will be reading it cold for

50:10

you next week So I cannot wait for

50:12

that and I cannot wait for next week's

50:15

episode It's gonna be so much fun, but

50:17

thanks for sticking around for this week, and

50:19

we will see you then yeah Yeah,

50:22

all right. Thanks for joining us. I'm Armando Torres.

50:24

I'm Andrew roses We've

50:28

been the Rooster Deeth podcast. Bye bye