0:05

This is a Ristativ production. I

0:11

want to do the

0:13

thing like literally

0:16

up at the

0:18

top. We

0:26

can't start a conversation. Yeah, we got to do that.

0:29

Please support the fucking show. Yeah, it's like the only

0:31

thing that Tyler asked me to do. Shut

0:34

up, Tyler. Y'all

0:38

dingus. Y'all bag of dog piss and

0:40

dog shit. It's

0:52

the R.T. podcast. I'm

1:05

your host Armando Torres. And

1:11

with me is this fucking bag of shit. The

1:15

weeping Andrew Rosses. And

1:20

of course we have music. I

1:22

had a tonic now. Does

1:26

that work as an intro or let's go.

1:30

All right. Yeah. Welcome

1:32

to the Ristativ podcast. Hey,

1:34

if you want to help support us making

1:36

the show that we do these just for

1:38

daddy as episode, you want to help us

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fix the gas leak that's in here. Apparently.

1:45

I don't know why it was so funny.

1:48

You can go to the R.T. podcast.com/first

1:50

to become a first member. Being a

1:52

first member helps us out so much.

1:54

You get to do stuff like discord

1:56

hangouts. You get to do stuff like.

2:00

Watch exclusive RT TV streams or

2:02

streams that you can comment on

2:04

that other people can't There's

2:06

also a bunch of really cool content on the site

2:08

like grift show. It's

2:11

a choice and is it problematic? Yeah,

2:13

they're coming out on January 13th,

2:15

which also happens to be my birthday So check

2:17

out the video leave a comment telling me happy

2:19

birthday and then or say something mean Either

2:23

is fine. Just write engagement

2:25

I'll press is good press.

2:27

Oh, yeah the matter. Yeah,

2:29

the longer you stay on the screen the type

2:31

that I'm woke garbage They

2:34

keep me around Grifs

2:38

would meet truly the worst comment

2:40

I've ever seen it was so bad

2:42

give it to me Well bad we

2:44

were looking at it on the inside

2:46

gaming livestream sure we had to all

2:48

mute our mics to talk about it

2:51

Yeah, whoa Yeah, it was like

2:53

one of those things that if you said it on

2:55

Twitch, I think you'd be reprimand Yeah, oh man, and

2:57

I at one point I thought I was muted and I

2:59

said I said one of the slurs in it But it's

3:01

one of the ones I can say um

3:04

and I wasn't muted so you can probably find

3:06

that clip on Twitter anymore Yeah,

3:09

it's pretty upsetting. But what the haters

3:11

don't understand is that actually is engagement

3:13

The algorithms cannot tell the difference. We

3:15

got five extra comments on that video

3:17

because you wanted to be a dumbass

3:23

One of my like one of the tiktoks

3:25

I posted that did like the best like

3:27

got millions of like views and all that

3:29

shit It's because I

3:31

I said in there that I am

3:34

Gen Z, which I think I technically am

3:36

like a hair. You're the oldest

3:38

possible. I'm the old geriatric. Gen

3:40

Z He's Gen

3:43

Z atric. Yeah. Yeah, I can already

3:45

feel it in my god dang bones But

3:50

a microplastics They

3:52

give me the power I can now now I

3:55

can talk to bottles. No,

3:57

they talk to me I

4:05

buy. My point is this is the most

4:07

popular tic tac I I think or one

4:10

of them only became popular because I said

4:12

I was gens the and everyone in the

4:14

comments as debating about whether about i am

4:16

incense he sailed you are just so okay

4:19

I thought these a solid the really you're

4:21

too tall. The beach and the other

4:23

side are all. well. Now it's like

4:25

hell, as like our people call gente

4:28

millennials. Cost? isn't that? Just. Means like

4:30

a young person? Yeah, and. I'm like no

4:32

jerseys or forty and still not buying houses.

4:35

My favorite: Zero Millennial Millennials. Yeah,

4:37

my favorite thing is when people

4:39

call us genomics boomers. Oh, I

4:41

mean I called Xanax the Y'all

4:44

got away with it generations. To

4:46

they did a lot of bullshit the no one blames them.

4:48

For it Yeah there are my

4:51

favorite thing about genetics of the

4:53

outcome of eugenics event like. They.

4:55

All for the most part. Like.

4:57

Wanted to be rock stars didn't have that

4:59

dream realize still got and like on the

5:01

ground floor of good real estate's got rich

5:04

but also a sanctimonious and think that a

5:06

first generation to ever recognize problems the Us

5:08

so they just go man the world's fucked

5:10

up a cable you guys have see this

5:12

like. All. Is worse than a sanctimonious

5:14

been. Would I have a bad guys yet?

5:17

Not a sag village or with. His I

5:19

do I will. I have a Roth ira. What'd

5:21

I do about it? I voted for Obama is

5:23

as it did, like it and I can fucking

5:25

dust my hands of all these problems. Would have

5:28

voted for him a third time if I am

5:30

choices at the level of fell you ethicists but

5:32

I we'd move for drum as a. Ah

5:36

ah ah my goddess Year the

5:38

oldest your your cusp coffee and

5:41

the cusp jin the and that

5:43

that like that engagement but I

5:45

got from people just arguing over

5:48

my fucking Aids is what propelled.

5:50

that to the out of the

5:52

algorithm can tell the difference between

5:54

and violence and hatred and off

5:57

have racism and the anything that's

5:59

actually useful Thank God for

6:01

that. Yeah, you know truly great

6:03

truly. Thanks for the money idiot

6:12

Fight for this is a spiteful one. This

6:14

is our first episode of the new year.

6:16

Yeah, we are so bad We're so fucking

6:18

back. I've been more got back from

6:21

a trip to a Minneapolis

6:24

Sora ex-lens the outfit. Oh, yeah.

6:26

Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah, they

6:29

love Jeff Ramsey out there No,

6:34

I wasn't okay they really do it's

6:36

a really fun place I I like

6:38

it a lot I I

6:41

saw a lot of weird shit while I

6:44

was there. There's a okay. All right. Let

6:46

me hit you guys with this. Yes um, I Never

6:50

grew up in like a nice area

6:52

right like I didn't grow up in

6:54

like a like a shit-ass city Yeah,

6:56

sure. What do you mean? You can't

6:58

really I grew up in lovely suburbs

7:00

all over beautiful trees Eventually,

7:03

I lived in the summer had full well

7:05

other kids to play with and ride bikes

7:07

What do you mean neighborhood pool like a

7:10

like a community pool rather than like community

7:12

pool like our subdivision? Yeah, you're like a

7:14

HOA fee and everyone can use a pool.

7:17

Yeah, it's not a public pool Well

7:21

How is it not the public pool if though if

7:24

you're they will bounce your ass Tazy

7:26

I'd like to see them drive

7:28

neighborhood and you don't pay the HOA fee you

7:31

can't use the pool Yeah, I'd like to

7:33

see them try with me I'm gonna jump over that

7:35

fucking fence and get in there and I'll be in

7:37

the water should tase me You'll kill all these kids

7:39

to idiot. That's how electricity

7:41

works, right? Yeah,

7:44

if they taste me while I was in the water would I die? Probably

7:48

right. Oh, or is it

7:50

different types of electricity? It's the same

7:52

voltage the water doesn't increase the voltage

7:54

somehow For some reason

7:57

if you're in salt water, it would make it worse

7:59

really. Yeah None of this isn't

8:01

I know more kinda as if you

8:03

join our our hundred thousand dollar patria

8:05

onto your we will put mondo in

8:07

a pool would admit that are a

8:09

lot of and and fucking take me

8:11

and either way I get when I

8:14

was yet ah I'm a set My

8:16

point is is that like when I

8:18

was younger we didn't live in the

8:20

greatest neighborhoods and com I feel really

8:22

put off by the idea in the

8:24

midwest that like your neighbors really have

8:26

your back our because what them what

8:29

the Midwest is essentially. Is a Pv

8:31

he gave? Well yeah. Environment is constantly

8:33

trying to murder you. Overeat that the

8:35

people all of it know yet and

8:38

were there. There are people that are

8:40

trying to kill him in the Midwest.

8:42

Breed serial killers. Like nothing else to

8:44

say. Something so lake. They.

8:47

Something so upsetting about how big America

8:49

is to me or I'm just like

8:51

little know all the crimes happening. Not

8:53

we can't possibly even just like driving

8:55

from like here in New Mexico is

8:57

just me being like no one will

8:59

ever find me. Yeah. It's something

9:01

no one would, no. No, he didn't

9:04

disappear and discipline. Yes, it's a

9:06

scary data too. Much less than that enough.

9:08

People are feeling I keeping secrets.

9:13

Ah, Sorry he's from Texas.

9:15

He does that some has. Like

9:17

that It's I'm like the world scary a

9:19

fortune cookies yeah I'm from Missouri has sometimes.

9:21

Lay on the Hindu noise. As. Fast

9:24

as well. I'm from Los Angeles.

9:26

Where are you Don't have neighbors?

9:28

You have every neighbor and lot

9:30

of Angeles as a potential enemy.

9:34

That's a sensor that I that I really

9:36

have. Here's a perfect way to explain it.

9:38

Like when I was a girl, when I

9:40

was a kid, I remember going on a

9:43

family vacation. Like the first family vacation that

9:45

I can remember him. My memory. And

9:48

we'll left in the dead of

9:50

night at three in the morning,

9:52

so that our neighbors. Wouldn't know

9:54

that we were leaving and they wouldn't

9:56

rob our house. Dad grew up

9:58

in a similar situation. You would

10:00

make us do the exact same thing. Yeah, make us

10:02

pack our bags into the car

10:05

in the garage Yeah, yeah, and then leave

10:07

with the lights off like the of

10:10

the car off. Yeah the light Yeah, and until

10:12

you're out of the fucking summer Yes, put it

10:14

in neutral push the car out in the down

10:16

the jet and started a block There's

10:18

never been a trip to

10:21

the Grand Canyon that should that is benefits

10:23

from starting like a refugee Leaving their country

10:25

in the dead of night. Yeah, that's not

10:27

how it's supposed to go Road trips are

10:30

supposed to start with like the sounds of

10:32

I don't know like Bon Jovi or something

10:34

Not your father going go go go go go.

10:36

Yeah, yeah Somebody's

10:44

taking their dog out for a late-night walk and your

10:46

dad We're

10:56

going to New Orleans the desert's

10:58

gonna be magical That

11:08

was my experience with neighbors I never

11:10

liked neighbors because they're always just like

11:12

in my experience neighbors are those people that

11:14

you can't trust and who fuck so Loud

11:17

you can hear them through the walls. Oh

11:20

I've never had a good experience with a

11:22

neighbor or I very rarely have I should

11:24

say um neighbors

11:27

are also in LA they're just doing weird shit. I told

11:29

you guys the story right of the time that like Exactly,

11:32

but that's my point I told you guys the

11:34

story about the time that I overheard my neighbors

11:36

having sex to the song Boulevard

11:39

of broken dreams. You've not told me that

11:41

you only told me about the ms-13 thing.

11:44

Oh, yeah Here

11:46

pointing with an arrow pointing he was

11:48

here It keeps

11:50

you wondering the ms-13 If

11:54

you're wondering they're a gang not a not

11:57

a Microsoft product Around

12:01

emphasis with. That

12:03

the over him as the theaters and I'm thinking that

12:05

a caravan of them as and. Coming from Mexico for

12:07

the past the ears. Holy

12:10

shit I can't smoke, presumably

12:12

for Steve draw. It

12:15

was proof as much. As

12:20

seems welcome, the future of

12:22

us have you imagine the

12:24

Mexican but somehow smaller Omaha?

12:28

Ah of us.

12:30

Are these little guys? Do never. Really

12:34

say was insulin color gold Oh shit

12:36

oh my god that so former? Yeah

12:38

I lived in a neighborhood that was

12:41

run by i'm a specific. And

12:44

it was a really streams time in

12:46

my life. Ah, and one time they

12:48

spray painted my building. This is a

12:50

much better story, but the Boulevard of

12:52

Broken Dreams one set will have the

12:54

other similar set as. Was

12:57

weird. Again, really quick just because he

12:59

was matching the tempo. Of Boulevard

13:01

of Broken Dreams which is gotta be

13:03

the worst. No, not in a earth

13:06

that is. A

13:08

man. I know that this I

13:10

didn't think it's of the floor

13:12

and. Know

13:15

well. That

13:17

he would to stick his to

13:19

strummed. I'm doing fuckin' like the

13:21

slowest most half time astro game

13:24

ever or he has the longest

13:26

team if you've ever see it.

13:28

Is. It's either a for for that flake.

13:30

Yeah, not that bad or it's a

13:32

half. The or is double timing at

13:34

a like. Father

13:37

though that fit that are greeted by

13:39

follow up on job at opposite I'm

13:41

doing the Galaxy and Boulevard of Broken

13:44

Seed and. Actually,

13:46

ah, Skank and I. Saw.

13:51

he i i lived in an apartment

13:54

building with a bunch of buildings in

13:56

it and dumb or a bunch of

13:58

apartments rather and They MS-13

14:01

spray painted MS-13 snitch

14:05

on my door because I lived

14:07

on the first floor on the street. And

14:11

I got really upset and scared because

14:13

I don't know what Fox

14:15

News has told you about MS-13, but

14:18

they don't like snitches or cops

14:20

or other neighbors. I think most

14:22

people are aware of our nation's

14:24

snitches versus stitches. The

14:27

correlation. Yeah, exactly. It's a line graph

14:29

that goes directly up. Yeah, exactly. It's

14:31

a syn diagram of a single snitch.

14:34

It's snitching stitching and it's a line.

14:38

Anyway, I was

14:41

kind of upset about it, but I had

14:43

formed a pretty good relationship with these people

14:45

through the time that I lived there. So

14:47

I went and tried to talk about it,

14:49

which is also just a funny premise, just

14:52

walking over there. So they're just

14:54

out front. Yeah. Hanging. Oh, you

14:56

didn't have to make a Google cow in mind? No. No,

14:59

what's funny is it had the same energy

15:02

as like when one of your neighbors leaves

15:04

their Christmas ornaments up for too long and

15:06

you as the neighborhood block captain, after like

15:08

a talk to them, I was

15:11

like, Hey guys, how you doing? What's

15:14

up, Jay Rock? You bring them anything? No,

15:17

besides a great Jordan Peterson

15:20

impression. Hello,

15:22

already crying to your. And

15:26

I asked them, like, I was like, Hey, why

15:29

did you spray paint that on my building? And

15:31

they were like, Oh, that wasn't it's

15:33

the guy above you, like him and like, I

15:35

don't know, like his baby mama, like blah, blah,

15:38

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They just talked like

15:40

a bunch of stuff and gave me this whole

15:42

story. And I was like, Okay, well, you spray

15:44

painted snitch and MS-13 on the window

15:46

that's next to my bed. So

15:49

I really don't feel like.

15:52

My head is usually there. Yeah.

15:54

And that makes me

15:56

uncomfortable. And Now I've bought Kevlar

15:58

vest to put over. Or my head more

16:00

that. We

16:03

opposite of one of those like home protected

16:05

by stickers so if we could shoot me

16:07

stick. oh my god yeah I target. Yes

16:09

yeah. Playing us up in the mall, top

16:11

on the stucco pacific. Slit

16:15

their their six is my favorite. Flat

16:17

isn't there fix was not to like cross

16:19

it out or not to like repaint my

16:21

friends or my wall or anything. What they

16:23

did was they just took more spray paint

16:26

and painted arrow go in a hot tub

16:28

point for the apartment that they actually miss

16:30

work smarter not harder than my he listens

16:32

like and are going to going to repaint

16:35

this is or rarefied read a book and

16:37

won't get on track of is front of

16:39

the now arrow that's all you need arm

16:41

and then I went to the mid west

16:44

and it was a whole different vibe of

16:46

her because. The Midwest is

16:48

so nice that. I.

16:50

As somebody who has never had

16:53

a good neighbor get suspicious, for

16:55

example, while I was where a

16:57

man brought my mom venison. They.

17:00

Just brought it to the how only in

17:02

the person he murdered and Skyn Young and

17:04

Gates the your mother to eat the rid

17:06

of the at exactly Yeah so sometimes you

17:08

got Fargo to yes that was my first

17:11

by someone about it was a murder a

17:13

bit. Jeffrey Dahmer lives next to I'm Jeffrey

17:15

Mother was. Not

17:17

yet he was vs but it would

17:19

I like nice constantly something going to

17:22

Chicago or so lonely or get by

17:24

without yeah, somebody is really angrily for

17:26

streaming an hour through Evan Peters. Fans.

17:29

As yell at Ellis. Yeah, I

17:31

just rosary. That's right. ever get mad

17:33

at heat comments as could buy houses.

17:35

did spray painted by Emus Thirty the

17:38

I would either they downloaded here to

17:40

me but you can commoner. My video

17:42

is scarier. The thought of being sought

17:45

sleep more Milwaukee air. Yeah a good

17:47

land. The ah didn't I see Wisconsin

17:49

is analysts. Have

17:51

never been to them. In Milwaukee, Wisconsin raid

17:54

alerts a Jeffrey Dahmer. Died

17:56

on your birthday. Oh. Or.

18:00

Welcome back! Of

18:06

a sudden assist assist Oh not

18:08

need I'm good either a be

18:10

with a good. As

18:13

a. As a

18:15

smooth. Joe who. Are

18:19

in another and of the point is

18:21

is that like the first one I

18:23

had was a disguise murderer is Jeffrey

18:25

Dahmer is in the world map fuck

18:27

my mom but I guess fuck my

18:29

mom's voice as as a dome. ah

18:31

but then like even putting that aside

18:34

for a second leg. That's.

18:36

The most mobsters threat shit I've

18:38

ever heard of of light of

18:40

bringing over it's perfectly good me

18:42

and handing it to somebody going.

18:44

I killed this. I. Kill this

18:47

of my hands and I want you to have

18:49

as a gun to murder. I have

18:51

nice to skin and and decision

18:53

and dismembering. A new bone. I have the

18:55

means to get rid of the blood. And

18:57

they have a place to the yet threat

18:59

live And then he looked in my mom's boyfriend

19:01

eyes and he was i provide for your

19:04

family and then he sunk back into the bushes

19:06

yeah the noted came and sat in excess

19:08

as share. Certain

19:10

his here use his glass during the rest of

19:12

his beer his own warm beer. Drinkers

19:15

milk said i'm enjoying it. A

19:18

milkshake I gotta from the traps

19:20

it's ah hum. Absolutely.

19:24

Stupid yeah daddy ones. are those

19:27

a that there was like it's

19:29

such a strange culture down there

19:31

to that guy has written on

19:33

the back of his van like

19:35

on the window and also not

19:37

like professionally done. I mean with

19:39

like one of those window markers.

19:41

Yeah he has written down a

19:43

mobile. Dear Butcher. Call. Me

19:45

now and then his phone number.

19:47

Which. Is not a job know that

19:50

is riding on the back of

19:52

your car. I have a fucking

19:54

nice yeah and I need to

19:56

is here in my car guy

19:58

now. Home

20:00

and he works or dear-he would cut

20:02

that shit. I know, That

20:06

you went, cut that out. And play at the beginning

20:08

of the episode. Like

20:10

that we were laughing. When

20:13

I figured out or Latvia is I think your

20:16

lap me at the idea of dog pit the

20:18

bag enough. For. Gotta go out

20:20

on for B O Y

20:22

C forbid. You

20:26

know, circuit dawn the pace is not.

20:29

So. Much

20:32

hardware. Our producer readers mad it

20:34

would have voted for the physical

20:36

manifestation of a Midwestern neighbours parlour

20:39

is a human version of the

20:41

little sprites from the new of

20:43

the boy the hair and she

20:46

blames his nickname. Of

20:48

other. The. Glue that gives that let

20:50

bookings and provide a service. Dog

20:53

visit our family and telling us

20:55

what would be to do and

20:57

then we go for God do

21:00

I need you? Are you stupid?

21:02

This is how whatever. Oh.

21:08

My. God. Also. Job

21:11

I had hired point in the midwest. The

21:13

only thing that I didn't like his i

21:15

got pulled over a couple of times in

21:17

rural Minnesota is it makes you feel better.

21:19

It does it was and own little for

21:22

this into new. But. I

21:24

will say. Maybe. As the

21:26

beer. I might have been the beer. Maybe.

21:28

It wasn't a Mexican. things. Via

21:30

it wasn't as islam a full i

21:32

am that know and I'm taking a

21:35

look at my outfits you would. Either

21:37

like or like a really shit like what is

21:39

the Jewish version of a youth or six. More

21:42

like hear about the say awful awful

21:45

for this is our family don't have.

21:48

Different. You gotta go. I feel better about

21:50

the tell me if is that the tell

21:52

me about Black Israel as. A

21:56

lot other than assume that. there

21:58

that are wearing a red bow under that though.

22:00

No, but he does. All right. Hold

22:03

on. Let's start again. Welcome to the

22:05

RT podcast. I'm

22:07

Armando X. There we go. There

22:11

we go. Why do you have this on? I

22:13

don't know. I think you

22:15

would hear and you just put it on out of instance. No,

22:17

no, no, no. Here's the worst part about it. I went

22:20

outside to all the bins of merchandise

22:22

that we have and I grabbed the

22:25

biggest thing that I saw, which was it

22:28

was a pillowcase for

22:31

a body pillow featuring Jeff Ramsey. Oh,

22:34

thank God. It's the Jeff one. Yeah.

22:36

Because we, I'm sorry, we have a Jeff body pillow. We

22:38

have one of all of the age members from

22:40

a time period. Uh-huh.

22:43

I have the Jack one. Yeah.

22:45

No, no. What?

22:48

How many of these

22:51

do you think

22:53

are still on beds? Probably

22:56

quite a bit. Yeah. How many

22:58

of these are still on beds on the floor, not on our frame? He's

23:03

like, what did he

23:05

say? Tyler came up

23:08

and just looked at me and did like,

23:10

I'm a fucking velociraptor. He's doing the Chris

23:13

Pratt and then goes, calm down. No,

23:18

I'm asking because I've been, I go to,

23:20

I'm a weeb. I

23:23

shoot anime conventions all the time. I bought like stuff

23:25

at anime conventions. I'm like, why do I have two

23:27

Katanas now? I'm not going to display these Katanas. I'm

23:29

outgrowing Katanas. Whoa. Yeah.

23:31

What do you mean? Like, like

23:33

swords. Yeah. From a convention. I

23:36

know what Katanas are. I'm

23:38

wearing the body pillow

23:41

casing as an accessory. And

23:43

I bought body pillows, but like,

23:45

you know, I don't always, I don't,

23:47

you know, now that I live with

23:49

a partner, I'm not going to have

23:52

my whatever redacted fandom body pillow

23:54

on the bed. I don't want

23:56

to explain that. Why not? Because

24:01

she felt the touch of a woman. Yeah,

24:03

actually. Several. Recently. Yeah.

24:07

Calm down. Nice. It's from

24:09

the homie, nice. From

24:13

the showrunner, calm down. I've

24:18

been inside a woman and I

24:20

have several katanas

24:22

just around my house.

24:25

You have a lot of load-bearing katanas. They're

24:27

like holding up like lamps. If you move

24:30

them, a whole thing goes down. I

24:32

have a whole fucking stack of show and jump

24:35

just fucking holding my bathroom together.

24:37

It used to be the best day of the month.

24:39

Yeah. Show and jump day? Fuck.

24:42

I don't know what that is. Well. So

24:44

it was a magazine you could buy that it's,

24:46

uh, show and jump is a manga distributor.

24:49

So they make the manga, but they also have

24:51

this monthly magazine that would have one or

24:54

two chapters of shows of books that were

24:56

being printed at the time. So

24:59

you could read them one or two chapters

25:01

at a time every month. Uh,

25:04

it was sick and I loved it and it was,

25:06

and I think that was the last time I was

25:08

happy. Now did they, was it,

25:10

so was that like newsletter like just one or

25:12

two chapters or was it like also like kind

25:14

of like a catalog? Like here's what's like coming

25:16

out. It would be like, it'd be like, so

25:19

like, so like I remember it would be

25:21

like, okay, so Naruto's out. So like here's

25:23

chapters 13 through 15 of Naruto, but guess

25:25

what? A new thing's coming out. So here's

25:27

a six page preview in full color in

25:29

the back. You should buy it when it

25:31

comes out. Okay. Cause I was

25:33

under the, they're serialized. I

25:35

gotcha. I was like, I was, what

25:37

I imagined in my head was maybe like, maybe

25:40

a joy I don't think I'll ever

25:42

feel again, which is the innocence of

25:44

waiting for the Sunday newspaper. Yeah. Toys

25:47

R Us catalog. Yes. To

25:49

come in the mail around the holidays. Literally. It's

25:53

when it would come, it was like eight pages thick,

25:55

full color. Yes.

25:57

Both double page. Oh my God. It's

26:00

literally that feeling that feeling and then also like

26:02

I'm glad you said that because I need you

26:04

to know That the pages were printed

26:06

on like like newspaper like manga

26:09

paper. So yeah real tactile Yeah, all

26:11

of it felt it felt like bible

26:13

paper or like uh, rolling

26:15

paper, which you are one in the same You

26:17

can use the bible to roll up the fucking

26:19

joint, dude Yeah,

26:22

go use the family bible right

26:24

now choose your least favorite passage I

26:28

uh real quick on the topic

26:30

of neighbors. I promise I can

26:32

get off this if we need

26:34

to No,

26:37

it's not anymore, um now

26:39

it's jeff's podcast. Oh, that's it's

26:42

they're all just five guests I'm

26:44

just getting word that our numbers have gone through the roof Yeah,

26:49

well we just kind of work it

26:51

into like we got a mixed like

26:53

fuck face and rooster teeth podcast together

26:56

What have we started calling it? Fuck rooster teeth? I don't

26:58

know if they'll let us do that They

27:00

might we'll bleep it out. It'll be fuck and

27:03

then our Apostrophe. Yeah,

27:05

there it is. We

27:07

got it Uh, or we make the

27:09

two. Oh, there's a big old set of anime

27:11

titties. That could be awesome Have

27:14

we thought about doing that? Can we do that?

27:16

Can we get a graphic design in here? Also,

27:19

can we start putting this show

27:21

on pornhub? Yeah, okay. So i'm you

27:23

said that and I don't know You

27:25

said that no don't laugh you said

27:28

that Tyler keeps coming

27:30

out Give me the fucking call.

27:32

Tyler we can't be stopped. I think we

27:34

should buy ad space on pornhub I absolutely think

27:36

we should buy I want to buy it We

27:38

should buy a banner ad on pornhub and it's

27:41

the photo shoot we did that everyone thought was

27:43

an engagement You know how many times

27:45

let's fucking do it, you know, why not?

27:47

Well There is

27:49

no reason. There's literally no reason not to we

27:52

should we don't even have to talk to the

27:54

company We can just do it. I don't need

27:56

permission to do that. Yeah, and if we have

27:58

to do it 40

28:00

seconds. We already have the image. We

28:02

did that joke on the last one. Fuck man. Why

28:06

are we not doing this? I'm gonna email Pornhub from

28:09

my work account. Yeah, please do. I have thought

28:12

about this all the time of like, why

28:14

are we not taking out ad space on

28:16

like the worst spots? Sure.

28:19

We could be taking out ad

28:21

space on like 4chan, on Pornhub,

28:23

X videos, red cube,

28:25

home grown senses stuff. Red cube. Yeah. Remember

28:27

Carlson's ad spots are probably hella cheap now,

28:29

right? Ooh, we could get Tucker. We could

28:32

get- We're the first right-wing left-wing podcast. We

28:34

could get Alex Jones. There's no way InfoWar

28:36

is that- I know his editing.

28:38

Yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah,

28:43

he's one of our

28:45

co-workers, girlfriend's ex. Okay.

28:48

And I met him in a bar and we

28:51

were talking and he was like, oh, I work for Groosys. He's

28:54

like, oh, I work for Alex Jones as InfoWar. He's like,

28:56

that's crazy. Let's have a conversation. And he's like,

28:58

Rooster Teeth, yeah. Yeah, my

29:00

ex girlfriend's dating a dude that works

29:02

there. And I was like, oh, what's

29:04

his name? And he said, he

29:07

said, redacted. And

29:10

I said, oh, yeah, that guy's the

29:12

chillest, coolest guy I know. And he looked at

29:14

me and he swirled his cup and he was

29:16

like, oh, yeah,

29:18

I saw his Instagram. He seemed

29:21

pretty cool. There's nothing better than

29:23

him. Like

29:26

he was hoping I was going to be like, that guy

29:28

fucking sucks. I'm

29:30

going to hit him up and see if we can get some

29:32

ads for Alex Jones. I mean, one

29:35

thing's for sure. When you defame families of dead children,

29:37

you owe a lot of money. And so I don't

29:39

think he turned down on ad dollars. The CRM

29:41

is going to be cheap as hell. It's

29:44

going to be a $1 CPS. It's going to be an ad for like sawdust

29:48

pills, us and then like

29:51

meal prep, like survival buckets

29:53

or whatever. All the stuff

29:55

that we

29:58

wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole. But we'll be sandwiched

30:00

in between. I love this idea. This can't miss.

30:03

You know what the real tragedy is? That

30:05

you're not listening to the Rooster

30:07

Teeth podcast. Hi, I'm Alex Jones.

30:10

Hi, I'm Alex Jones. I got

30:12

bitten by a radioactive tomato somewhere around

30:15

2012. I

30:17

don't know what the fuck happened. You know

30:20

he sucked during that voice. Have

30:25

you guys heard his early voice? Yeah. He

30:27

sounded like Rush Limbaugh and now he's just

30:29

stuck in it. Yeah, he's not going on boy

30:31

yet. He had a normal voice at

30:33

one point in his life. He's

30:36

Larry the Cable Guy, but for politics. I

30:38

thought you were going to say for racism,

30:40

but. They're both racist. Oh

30:45

my God. Oh man. 120

30:48

million daily visitors and growing, but

30:50

not showing. Yeah. Yeah.

30:54

Fuck you. Damn, that was really good. I'm

30:56

going to create an advertiser account now. Yeah,

30:58

you do that and then we'll focus on

31:00

this thing. I

31:03

think personally that

31:06

we should use this time to think

31:08

of ways to improve the podcast. I

31:11

think rule number one that we should do

31:13

is better advertising. We get stuff on Pornhub.

31:15

We get stuff on Alex Jones' site. Secondly,

31:19

I think more dynamic guests. I

31:21

think we get a couple of people

31:24

on. I'm thinking people like Kat Williams.

31:26

And Alex Jones. Yes, absolutely. We

31:29

need America's funniest truth tellers

31:31

to just come on and

31:33

just drop bombs that completely

31:36

gag us at interviewers. God,

31:39

in case all of your friends wear hey

31:41

dudes, which you know what I'm saying with

31:43

that, and you don't know who Kat Williams

31:45

is. He's a legendary

31:48

comedian who went on Sharps

31:50

podcast. Yeah, I think so.

31:53

God, Jesus. And just

31:55

started talking about like talking shit about

31:57

some of the most famous black comedian

31:59

fans. And a lot

32:01

of the kings of comedy. And they're

32:04

weird face light skinned wives.

32:06

Yes. Which I'm getting tattooed

32:09

on my chest. Because oh

32:11

my god, it's the funniest thing I've

32:13

heard in my entire life. They're weird

32:15

face. He said, he said, he says, when you

32:17

sign with these guys, you get a TV show,

32:19

you get a stand-up special and you get a

32:21

weird, a weird face light

32:23

skinned wife who no one's ever heard speak

32:25

in an interview. In the

32:27

20 years you've been with her. And

32:31

then I saw this on the TikTok, this is

32:33

the one posted the compilation of all of those

32:35

dudes and their wives. I'm going to have to

32:37

say, Kat's not wrong. It's fucking

32:39

accurate. Surgically act. Oh my god.

32:42

That's fucking insane. My favorite part

32:44

about Kat Williams is that if

32:46

you're unfamiliar with Kat Williams, everything

32:49

he does makes him feel like

32:51

an old, maybe

32:53

used to do drugs uncle. He's

32:56

constantly talking shit. He's constantly saying

32:58

things where he's like, well,

33:01

you know, the others are

33:03

conspiring against me and it's Kat Williams

33:05

isn't where Kat Williams should be because

33:08

they're coming after me. And you're

33:10

like, okay, Kat Williams, you're an insane person. And

33:12

then he goes, here's a video about it. And

33:14

then you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. It's

33:17

like, it's one. Yeah, it's a, he's

33:19

got the energy because like he did,

33:22

did he used to be addicted to

33:24

certain drug substances? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Would

33:26

those that make him wrong? No.

33:29

No. Does that discredit him? Absolutely

33:31

not. I think he makes him more correct.

33:33

I think even a clock addicted to crack is

33:36

right. It's very true. Even a clock addicted to

33:38

crack will swing on anyone. I think it's right.

33:41

Like six times a day. This

33:44

is going so fast.

33:46

Yeah. Very good.

33:48

Kat Williams might be my

33:50

favorite comedian. Yeah. Oh, Tim Chronicles

33:52

changed my life. Oh, changed my entire

33:55

life. He is, he

33:57

has a, I don't even know if you would call it

33:59

a cameo. a small role in one

34:03

episode of Atlanta. Yeah. He

34:05

plays the Alligator Man. Yeah. And

34:08

it is, I think, my favorite character

34:10

in the entirety of that show. You

34:13

know where our Hey Dudes fans would

34:15

know him from? He's a pimp named

34:17

Slickback. He is a pimp

34:19

named Slickback. Which you

34:21

don't know from the boondocks. You

34:24

know from the song Sampling the

34:26

Boondocks. One TikTok currently trending as

34:29

of January 2024. Where

34:31

all those kids are doing the like

34:33

slidey dance. Yeah. Oh yeah. The

34:36

floating slidey dance. Yeah. I showed

34:38

that video by the way to Andrew the other day. Like

34:40

last year. I don't know what I said the other day.

34:42

I showed it to him. And he- Last

34:45

year was eight days ago. He grabbed my wrist

34:47

to look at the video closer and went,

34:50

how do you do that? It was the

34:52

most, it was the funniest reaction to that.

34:55

You would have burned witches. Oh yeah. Yeah.

34:58

Would have. You

35:01

fucking Midwestern ass neighbor. I

35:07

want that to start as being a new

35:09

way to tell people that they're fucking crazy.

35:11

The next time you have a friend that

35:13

says something outlandish just go, okay you fucking

35:15

Milwaukee neighbor. Jesus. That might

35:17

be the worst because again Stalmer. Yeah.

35:21

Where's Gacy? Gacy was Chicago. The

35:23

Midwest. Yeah. And

35:25

then you have the Chicago Rippers. What was

35:27

that? An awesome triple

35:30

A ball team. But

35:32

we mustn't forget this different girl and I

35:34

later. This different girl and I later. This

35:37

is what they called you in college. Yeah.

35:41

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35:43

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35:49

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36:02

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36:04

It's time consuming, and if I'm using a

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38:49

Do you guys do anything fun for your

38:51

winter break? I

38:54

didn't get pulled over. Nice. Which

38:56

rocks. Yeah. I love them. But

39:00

you're half Mexican too. Yeah. Yeah.

39:04

I'm the fucking blade of Mexicans. All of

39:06

their strengths, none of their weaknesses. I'm

39:09

the day walker. Yeah. Yeah.

39:13

Interesting. It's

39:16

the fucking rave scene but it's fucking guac.

39:22

No, that would kill you, Mondo. Yeah.

39:25

Weather. Yeah. Chunkier.

39:28

Chunkier. Oh, that's tableside

39:31

baby. That is fresh.

39:36

Did you do anything? No,

39:38

because my parents live so close. My family lives so

39:40

close. I just get to go down for the day. That's

39:43

the brilliant thing about having parents or a family that lives

39:45

like an hour and a half away is it's close enough

39:47

to visit. What? But it's

39:49

not too cool. Why are you laughing? Yeah. Why

39:52

are you laughing? What did he say that was so fucking funny? There was just a pause

39:54

in the way you said it. And it sounded like you

39:56

said that's the beauty of having parents. having

40:00

parents you should try it. I can

40:02

go visit them any time I want

40:04

because they're both alive Actually,

40:07

my dad's dead anyway The

40:10

the beauty of having them an hour and

40:12

a half away is that it's close enough

40:14

to go visit for a day But not

40:16

close enough for a pop-in. Yeah Cuz

40:19

like you'd have to make a day of it. Yeah, exactly Yeah,

40:21

there's like logistics that have to be like,

40:23

you know implemented Submarine keys need to be

40:26

turned like things need to happen machinations need

40:28

to be If

40:30

you're an hour and a half away 45 minutes that

40:32

could you could get a call like hey, I'm outside I thought

40:34

we could have lunch. Oh And listen,

40:37

I love my family, but I can't be

40:39

having pop-ins. Mmm. I know that's not that's

40:41

not the nightmare My vibe no, cuz I

40:43

do know I'm friends who have family members

40:45

that do pop-ins. That's now granted saying now

40:47

granted A lot of them at this point

40:50

do you have children? Okay, like the

40:52

grandparents come by for like a pop-in you want

40:54

that though You kind of want you kind of

40:56

want the pop-in at that point. Yeah, I feel

40:58

like if I was Living

41:00

that life right and I had that

41:04

And somebody came over to my house unannounced.

41:06

I would shoot them I

41:08

think I would be so upset by

41:10

that Never

41:13

ever do that. I don't even know my parents

41:16

never called me. No No,

41:18

you can text me for a day

41:20

in advance. Okay, that's it Yeah,

41:24

and if I do it 23 you charge me

41:26

a reservation fee. Yeah $80 I

41:30

learned about the castle doctrine last week.

41:33

What is this? You know, it's called It's

41:36

in the castle doctrine sort of like stay

41:38

in your ground law It's like stay in

41:41

your ground, but your car where your car

41:43

is an extension of your home or your

41:45

household So if you still threatened in your

41:47

car, you can kill someone. Are

41:49

you how threatened? Castle doctrine is

41:51

a legal doctrine that protects the rights of

41:53

a homeowner To use

41:56

deadly force to defend their home against

41:58

an intruder. It was first passed in

42:00

Florida and expanded to California.

42:02

It worked. Hold

42:05

on, I'm going to look up. Of course it was

42:08

passed in Florida. You can have sex with your

42:10

car in Florida. Yeah. Reasonable

42:13

when the actor reasonably fears imminent

42:15

peril of death or serious bodily

42:18

harm to him or herself or another. That's

42:21

crazy. And it has a much

42:23

lower burden of proof. So you can just be

42:25

like, I really think they were for it. Yeah.

42:28

What are they going to say? I can shoot

42:30

somebody and put them in my car and then

42:32

tell the police officer, he was in the car.

42:35

He got in. I

42:37

was in my car and then he

42:40

looked, to me, I thought

42:42

he was trying to get in my car. Yeah.

42:45

And I didn't tell him to do that. Vampire rules. Yeah.

42:47

You are an Uber driver and

42:49

they were the fair. And

42:51

they left me a $2 tip. So I don't

42:54

know what you're trying to say. And

42:56

that threatened my income. Yeah. Which

42:58

is part of my home, which I use to feed

43:00

my family and everything. So yeah, it was a threat

43:03

to my home. So I

43:05

opened them. I

43:08

opened this. So I

43:10

emptied 15 rounds. I

43:14

reloaded. That's such a

43:16

fucking terrible, awful thing to do, by

43:18

the way. I know we're joking and

43:20

laughing at it, but please don't kill

43:22

anyone. And also don't like... That's

43:28

so weird. In some cases, your

43:30

vehicle. That's crazy. Are

43:33

they calling it the Castle Doctrine because

43:35

it's somebody's name or are they comparing my

43:38

fucking 2018 Honda Accord? Has

43:40

there ever been a statute

43:42

that sounds more like a

43:46

5pm CBS dad show?

43:49

Coming up next on Castle Doctrine. Nathan Spillion

43:52

is absolutely starring in the Castle.

43:54

Please don't go to Castle. Yeah,

43:57

it's a show called Castle. That's where my fucking

43:59

brain clicked on. Yeah, it's

44:02

coming up right after Jag. It's Castle doctrine. I

44:04

can't believe we had a show called Jag I

44:06

know it's like law. Yeah, I know it's the

44:08

law thing for the Marines or whatever. But yeah,

44:10

I Just don't think

44:13

I just don't think you should be allowed to kill

44:15

people over property. Yeah, I think that's

44:17

really crazy of me No, I think

44:20

it's I think it's reasonable. I just feel

44:22

like it shouldn't be allowed I

44:24

was watching I started watching a

44:26

show called Carol and the end of

44:28

the world on Netflix A

44:30

cartoon that I thought was gonna be just like

44:33

a cute little fun time No, I knew

44:35

from I knew I knew from how it

44:37

was drawn that color palette. I'm the fucking

44:39

loading screen I'm like, that's a sad show

44:41

like that's a that's a moon. What's the

44:43

one with about death? Yeah, it

44:45

is Oh, I got well, like this

44:47

is a real midnight gospel of a show. This is a

44:50

real Bojack Horseman I'm not ready infinity

44:52

train. It will maybe closer to

44:54

infinity train. It does feel nicer,

44:57

but it Okay,

45:00

for those of you that are unaware of Carol in the

45:02

end of the world the premise of the show is that

45:04

there is a giant planetary

45:06

like thing a celestial object

45:10

Heading towards earth and it will destroy earth

45:12

in about 11 months and

45:14

it is unstoppable. There's nothing that can be

45:16

done They can't reverse it. They can't get

45:19

us. They can't armor getting it. Yeah Just

45:22

it's not a story about fixing the

45:24

problem. It's the story about coming to

45:26

terms with the problem Obviously a representation

45:28

of how as human beings we all

45:30

have a small amount of time. What do

45:33

you do with it? Etc. It just makes

45:35

it more on the forefront. Yeah, everything's ending

45:37

So obviously that show is at

45:40

times a little heavy but one thing that I've

45:42

been noticing throughout the show that I really like

45:44

is that I Think

45:46

it's in the pilot. She gets

45:48

a letter from the CEO of a

45:50

bank who's just like, please stop paying

45:52

your debt Okay, we're all gonna die

45:54

I should have never let you pay

45:57

debt in the first place. This is

45:59

stupid What we did was stupid and

46:01

I cannot apologize enough for what I did to

46:03

you in making you live a life that makes

46:05

you feel like you have to do this. And

46:08

basically just freeze her from

46:10

debt. Money is

46:12

no longer an object. If you want

46:15

to do something and it doesn't hurt

46:17

anybody else, you can. People are skydiving

46:19

off of skyscrapers. People drive tanks through

46:21

the streets. If

46:23

they've shown that if you just want something,

46:26

just go to a store and take it.

46:28

If it doesn't belong to somebody specifically, it's

46:30

fine. The polite purge.

46:32

Yeah, the polite purge is a great

46:34

way to put it. Because

46:36

in my mind I was thinking like they

46:39

have not at all at

46:41

any point in the show

46:43

referenced like crime or murders

46:45

or like sexual

46:47

crime or like just crimes of

46:49

violence and shit going up, which

46:51

I feel like would go a

46:54

lot more. And

46:57

then my partner posed this idea

46:59

of like, well, you mentioned

47:01

that money is no longer a problem

47:03

and studies show that like because of

47:05

money, so many things like, that's

47:07

why crime, that majority

47:09

of crimes, like even the majority of

47:11

murders happen over power and money. Yeah.

47:14

So you get real condition. Wait, are you saying

47:16

that money is the root of all evil? Are

47:19

you saying more money, more problems? I feel like

47:21

they're saying more money, more problems. I

47:24

think you need to copyright money is

47:26

the root of all evil. Because

47:29

that seems like people are going to be

47:31

hopping on that. It is wild that no one's come

47:33

up with this idea before. No,

47:35

but my point is, is like, if

47:37

you thought, if you think we got

47:40

rid of all money

47:42

and the need for it, do

47:44

you think that things

47:46

would go? Do you have

47:49

an optimistic or a pessimistic viewpoint of the world?

47:51

Is, I guess my question. I would like, I

47:53

would like to posit this. I

47:55

think that in a world where money does

47:57

not exist, people who currently, uh, living

48:00

in more like poor poverty situations

48:02

will thrive and the ultra wealthy

48:05

will suffer because I think in

48:07

order to become ultra wealthy you have to have something

48:10

insanely wrong with you mentally and that if

48:12

you create a world where money no longer

48:14

has any value they will not know how

48:16

to cope and that people who have not

48:19

had access to a bunch of money will

48:21

have so much stress and burden removed from

48:23

them like I feel like a universal basic

48:25

income would improve society so much that it

48:27

can't be done because the people at the

48:30

top wouldn't know how to feel good about

48:32

it because if they

48:34

can't have more money than someone then how are they gonna be

48:36

able to pay someone $10 a day to like clean

48:39

their house or whatever makes them feel good that day

48:41

hmm yeah

48:43

that's a good point but everyone else

48:45

the 99% of everyone I think would not

48:48

be bad I always joke and say I

48:50

think people are inherently bad and evil but I think some

48:52

people are so bad and evil it makes the rest of

48:55

us look bad I was talking about

48:57

real curve wreckers yeah I was

48:59

talking with my partner about how like

49:01

the first thing that popped into my

49:03

mind like if I was gonna write

49:05

this would be the crime that would

49:07

happen and I think it would be

49:10

so funny to write a story about

49:12

basically like think ms-13 and

49:16

then this happens and it's like hey

49:18

guys you no longer have to do

49:20

this crime shit like yeah do whatever

49:22

you want you don't have to do

49:24

it anymore they've built their they're essentially

49:26

the the 1% yeah

49:29

but in gang terms and

49:31

I would love to see what they would do

49:33

you know just like gangs basically being like I

49:35

guess territory means nothing yeah I guess all this

49:38

killing was for nothing I guess I don't know

49:41

Castle's auction no it's like yeah

49:43

I find shows that basically present

49:45

a scenario

49:50

that like essentially fundamentally

49:52

shifts and I mean fun all

49:54

caps fundamentally shifts the

49:57

collective priorities so yeah

50:00

I mean that's essentially it like

50:02

yeah, what what your Basis

50:05

motivations now shift to when like

50:09

sort of the thing kind of hammering your Survival

50:14

drive every day is get money

50:16

provide a life eat sleep

50:18

shelter your hierarchy of needs kind of

50:20

like rearranges a little bit because

50:23

even presented with that scenario even I feel

50:25

like people would argue like okay Well,

50:28

if no one has to work for anything then who's

50:31

gonna do stuff so that other people can have a

50:33

functioning society I posit this I

50:35

think it would be really fun to be a farmer

50:38

Yeah, I think that'd be sick as hell,

50:40

but you know hard fucking

50:42

work. No it is Like

50:44

it's no I'm just saying like but there's people who like they

50:46

want to be they want to go do a ranch They want

50:48

to have a farm you want to do Cow

50:51

they won't write a horsey, but they can't cuz they

50:53

have to have a big corporate job to pay for

50:55

everything We don't want to do that you

50:57

also only in this scenario by the

51:00

way in the scenario We're getting it.

51:02

It's not like they handed down universal

51:04

basic income. No there's Yeah,

51:07

yeah, yeah, so you really only have to

51:09

farm for like six months Like

51:13

exactly like it's like ah my first

51:15

tomato shadow Wouldn't

51:17

that feel better than not having

51:20

that first tomato and having to go to your

51:22

banker job every day. Yeah, it's

51:24

a Look or whatever the

51:27

show is really interesting. I do like that. They do

51:29

certain stuff. We're doing to still haven't come out. Oh

51:33

No the Sega the Sega remasters haven't dropped

51:37

That's the only thing keeping me alive is playing jet set

51:39

radio in 2025 Are

51:43

you haven't seen dune 2 now

51:46

doing too much Molly, baby? Oh Thanks

51:59

for hanging out with us. We're not done, by the

52:01

way, I should say. Thanks for hanging out with us. If

52:04

you see an ad for this show

52:06

on Pornhub or Alex Jones, click on

52:09

it. Click on it, tell people about

52:11

it, share it, show everybody that you

52:13

know that's in your general vicinity. And

52:16

yeah, but hey, look, here's the deal. Last

52:19

year was rough. We've been in this

52:21

year for eight days and it's also

52:23

bad. Pretty bad. The news is terrible.

52:25

Everything is awful. And so we tried

52:27

to make it a little bit better

52:30

by bringing back Always On. Let's

52:33

go baby. Jokes, baby,

52:39

jokes. And again, it is time for

52:41

my favorite segment, first time of the new

52:43

year, first time that we're back doing it

52:45

after all these prerecords. I don't know if

52:48

you've been paying attention, but the news is

52:50

terrible. And so we've taken a bunch of

52:52

headlines and turned them into punch lines and

52:54

hopefully that'll make it a little bit better.

52:57

We're doing our world famous

53:00

circle joke, which

53:02

is where Griff sits in the middle as

53:05

two burly men joke off around her.

53:07

That's right. So I wanted to be

53:09

a more less, I want to be a less

53:11

passive participant in the joke off. And I was

53:14

going to, I was trying

53:16

to write a joke about that,

53:18

that lotion that tracks spiders. Yeah.

53:20

That's the lotion that like wolf

53:24

spiders love. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I

53:26

had like a really good cause that's

53:28

the part that like text Avery wolf.

53:30

I had spider man. I had woman

53:33

lotion. I swear to God. If you do

53:35

something like she, she, she,

53:38

she loath on my end until I

53:40

spider. No, no, no, no,

53:44

until I'm in spider to

53:46

like whip. No, it's just that I, I

53:49

was trying to find an article for it, but they

53:51

all have spiders. Yeah. They all have spiders in the,

53:53

in the headers and I had to click away and

53:55

it made my stomach hurt and I had to click

53:58

out. So I didn't get the right to joke. That's

54:00

why I didn't see it as because any news

54:02

article that it would have been part of would

54:04

have had a picture as a fighter and I

54:06

would have immediately got no tell their own despite

54:08

his which is the ah. Yes he is the

54:10

worst time to look as the harm. Most harmless

54:12

and worth the water. Yes so I guess he

54:15

does. This guy that did. Yoga. Without me?

54:17

Oh sorry. okay well no worries

54:19

entered you want to kick a

54:21

father to do at folks the

54:23

C O of Lulu lemon sizing

54:25

backlash over negative. Comments blasting the

54:27

company's. Diversity and inclusion efforts and unwinding

54:30

when surprised if you're wearing we will

54:32

m and your phone automatically daubs Nine

54:34

One if you're near a pop artist.

54:37

You know the reason why they

54:39

called it Lulu? Live in there.

54:42

I do re are yeah I

54:44

don't google it. Google it, it's

54:46

socks or whatever you thinking it's

54:48

worse and worse and worse is

54:50

worse. Repository of adds a Joke

54:53

Ghosts Last week in Florida Dunkin

54:55

Donuts toilet exploded, injuring a customer

54:57

and leaving them absolutely. Filthy and

54:59

when asked for com as a toilet

55:01

responded yeah you like it off. People

55:04

been explode know for me

55:07

for twenty three. Oil,

55:10

it's time for awareness. Oh look,

55:12

who can dish it out but

55:14

Gadget. To.

55:19

Ah, alright folks. Ah, some news

55:21

in the skies. part of the

55:24

fuselage of an Alaska Airlines seven

55:26

Thirty seven max passenger aircraft. Fell

55:29

off during a flight. To press Or

55:31

I mean cabin. And. Requiring an emergency landing. This

55:33

is what happens when you wish on a

55:35

monkey paw to join the mile High club

55:37

and her blood borne out fought. I fucking.

55:41

God dammit. Take.

55:43

It Again. Fox. Smiles.

55:45

The call game. I'd like one that. Says

55:48

it again. Goddamn. and I can't believe I

55:50

didn't win the plan on that one so

55:52

to speak. Oh awesome news in the sky

55:54

as part of the fuselage of and laughed

55:56

Airlines seven thirty seven max passenger aircraft sell

55:58

off during a fight. pressurizing the cabin and

56:01

required an emergency landing. This is what happens when

56:03

you wish on a monkey's paw to join the

56:05

mile high club and get your black. Keep

56:18

it in. You

56:21

get it. You get the gist. Oh,

56:23

shit. Oh, should I do it

56:25

one more time? Is it even, should I fucking do it

56:28

one more time? Hit it. There's times the alarm. Oh

56:35

my God. Oh,

56:38

Jesus Christ. Okay. Get

56:41

your back blown out. Back

56:43

blown out. Back blown out.

56:46

Watch me. Back blown, back blown,

56:48

back blown, back blown. All right,

56:50

let's go. And

56:53

now some news from the skies. Part

56:55

of the fuselage on Alaska

56:57

Airlines 737 Max passenger aircraft

57:00

fell off during the flight

57:02

to pressurizing the cabin and required

57:04

an emergency landing. This

57:07

is what happens when you wish on a

57:09

monkey's paw to join the mile high club

57:12

and have your back blown out. Very

57:16

good. Oh

57:19

my God. Fighting for my damn

57:21

life. The last sentence of

57:23

that. Oh, that's good. I

57:25

want to keep it that way of me.

57:28

Chrome is crying, trembling, laughing through that fucking

57:30

joke. You want us to keep it all

57:32

the other ones? No. Can we really stop

57:34

cut by itself? Please. That'll be a social

57:36

clip of me fucking it up twice and

57:38

then finally landing it. Yeah. Oh my God.

57:40

All right. Oh my God. Okay.

57:44

Here's a little cut to the wide really quick. Sometimes

57:48

Armando forgets to write his jokes. And

57:50

so he writes them right before we

57:52

do these, uh, these little, these fun

57:54

little recordings. Um, I feel

57:56

really good and confident about two of my jokes.

57:59

Uh, this. in the middle, I just

58:02

wrote, and it's not very good.

58:05

Love that. Please show it to me. Yeah. Recently

58:08

undisclosed flight logs from

58:11

Epstein Sex Island have

58:13

revealed more and more guests that regularly

58:15

visited the island. And I'd just like

58:17

to get ahead of it and say,

58:20

yes, I was there, but it was

58:22

for a layover, okay? I

58:24

was on my way to Chicago. It

58:26

was 200 bucks cheaper if

58:28

I stopped there. Oh, the

58:31

little Saint, you had a fucking little Saint

58:33

James stopover? Yeah. I don't think

58:35

his name was James though. I think it was Peter.

58:39

Please move. Oh my God.

58:42

Oh man. Really, really coming

58:44

out so hot in the new year with

58:46

this always on segment, Jesus Christ. Okay. In

58:50

a related story to the last joke I told, an

58:53

iPhone that was sucked out of the

58:55

Alaska Airlines 737 Max plane

58:57

fell 16,000 feet and still works. The

59:02

only reason the phone didn't shatter on impact

59:04

is Apple purposely slowed down the phone speed.

59:06

Oh man. I've

59:11

never been jealous of an iPhone, but I too would

59:13

like to get sucked out at 16,000 feet. Whoo

59:18

boy. All right. Joe

59:22

Coy or the Filipino Kevin Hart.

59:26

Yeah. Yeah. Bombed

59:31

hard at the 2024 Golden Globes after

59:33

getting booed, the host decided to blame

59:36

his writers. And I don't know about

59:38

you, but this has me thinking about

59:40

another writer's strike as in I hope

59:43

these writers strike him down in the

59:45

fucking parking lot. Fuck

59:48

you, Joe. Give him

59:50

a good old blanket party outside. That's right.

59:55

Those are the jokes. That was it, my

59:57

God. Oh, she's. Griff?

59:59

Yeah. Is it a I think

1:00:01

that's a six-way tie for laughs I know I'm

1:00:03

not hey, we're gonna start the year off

1:00:06

like this indecisive you both win If

1:00:10

I want to say your best

1:00:12

joke, I guess it's uh, and

1:00:15

Andrew Andrew this callback. Mm-hmm And

1:00:17

for you, it's gonna have to be I

1:00:21

don't know. I guess you implicating yourself Well,

1:00:28

I'll never be seen again, I just

1:00:31

got a calendar invite from the Clintons

1:00:33

for my own suicide You

1:00:36

all next week if I'm still alive,

1:00:38

but if I if you do see

1:00:40

me, it's not me. It's a fucking

1:00:42

actor All right, right the real Armando

1:00:44

died. Yeah on January 11th, 2024. All

1:00:47

right, everybody. Thank you so much We've had a

1:00:49

wonderful time. I've been Armando. I've been Andrew and

1:00:52

I'm delighted We'll

1:00:54

see you next week next week, baby. Bye Hey

1:00:57

John here from tails from the stinky dragon

1:00:59

your favorite D&D podcast with puppets all throughout

1:01:01

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